WESTPORT, Conn. — Kate Bulkeley's pledge to stay off social media in high school worked at first. She watched the benefits pile up: She was getting excellent grades. She read lots of books. The family had lively conversations around the dinner table and gathered for movie nights on weekends.
Then, as sophomore year got underway, the unexpected problems surfaced. She missed a student government meeting arranged on Snapchat. Her Model U.N. team communicates on social media, too, causing her scheduling problems. Even the Bible Study club at her Connecticut high school uses Instagram to communicate with members.
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Kate Bulkeley uses her phone to print textbook pages while her sister, Sutton, packs art materials ahead of a ski vacation Feb. 16 in Westport, Conn. It is hard to be a teenager today without social media, but it also can be liberating.
Gabriela Durham, a high school senior in Brooklyn, says navigating high school without social media has made her who she is today. She is a focused, organized, straight-A student. Not having social media has made her an “outsider,” in some ways. That used to hurt; now, she says, it feels like a badge of honor.
People are also reading…
With the damaging consequences of social media increasingly well documented, many parents are trying to raise their children with restrictions or blanket bans. Teenagers themselves are aware that too much social media is bad for them, and some are initiating social media “cleanses” because of the toll it takes on mental health and grades.
This is a tale of two families, social media and the ever-present challenge of navigating high school. It’s about what kids do when they can’t extend their Snapstreaks or shut their bedroom doors and scroll through TikToks past midnight.
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Elena Romero, second from left, and her daughters Gabriela Durham, 17, left, Gionna Durham, 13, second from right, and Grace Durham, 11, have dinner together on Jan. 27 in New York. Romero's main concern was social media during middle school, a critical age where kids are forming their identity.
It’s about what families discuss when they’re not having screen-time battles. It’s also about persistent social ramifications.
The journeys of both families show the rewards and pitfalls of trying to avoid social media in a world that is saturated by it.
Concerns about children and phone use are not new. But there is a growing realization among experts that the COVID-19 pandemic fundamentally changed the relationship kids have with social media. As youth coped with isolation and spent excessive time online, the pandemic effectively carved out a much larger space for social media in the lives of American children.
Social media is where many kids turn to forge their emerging identities, to seek advice, to unwind and relieve stress. In this era of parental control apps and location tracking, social media is where this generation is finding freedom.
It is also increasingly clear that the more time youth spend online, the higher the risk of mental health problems.
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Sutton Bulkeley reads in her family's living room Feb. 16 in Westport, Conn.
Kids who use social media for more than three hours a day face double the risk of depression and anxiety, according to studies cited by U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, who issued an extraordinary public warning last spring about the risks of social media to young people.
The Bulkeleys and Gabriela’s mother, Elena Romero, both set strict rules starting when their kids were young and still in elementary school. They delayed giving phones until middle school and declared no social media until 18. They educated the girls, and their younger siblings, on the impact of social media on young brains, on online privacy concerns, on the dangers of posting photos or comments that can come back to haunt you.
At school, on the subway and at dance classes around New York City, Gabriela is surrounded by reminders that social media is everywhere — except on her phone.
Growing up without it has meant missing out on things. Everyone but you gets the same jokes, practices the same TikTok dances, is up on the latest viral trends. When Gabriela was younger, that felt isolating; at times, it still does. But now, she sees not having social media as freeing.
“From my perspective, as an outsider,” she says, “it seems like a lot of kids use social media to promote a facade. And it’s really sad.”
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Gionna Durham, 13, left, spends time in the kitchen as her sister Grace Durham, 11, right, draws on Jan. 27 in their New York home. Grace, 11, is a sixth grade cheerleader active in Girl Scouts, along with Gionna, 13, who sings, does debate team and has daily rehearsals for her middle school theater production.
There is also friend drama on social media and a lack of honesty, humility and kindness that she feels lucky to be removed from.
Gabriela is a dance major at the Brooklyn High School of the Arts. Senior year got intense with college and scholarship applications capped by getting to perform at Broadway’s Shubert Theatre in March as part of a city showcase of high school musicals.
“My kids’ schedules will make your head spin,” Romero says. On school days, they’re up at 5:30 a.m. and out the door by 7. Romero drives the girls to their three schools scattered around Brooklyn, then takes the subway into Manhattan, where she teaches mass communications at the Fashion Institute of Technology.
In New York City, it’s common for kids to get phones early in elementary school, but Romero waited until each daughter reached middle school and started taking public transportation home alone.
In the upscale suburb of Westport, Connecticut, the Bulkeleys have faced questions about bending their rules. But not for the reason they had anticipated.
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Kate Bulkeley, second from right, eats dinner with her family Feb. 16 in Westport, Conn. As Kate’s sophomore year started, she told her parents that she was excited to be leading a variety of clubs but needed social media to do her job.
Kate was perfectly content to not have social media. Her parents figured at some point she might resist their ban because of peer pressure or fear of missing out. But the 15-year-old sees it as a waste of time. She describes herself as academic, introverted and focused on building up extracurricular activities.
That's why she needed Instagram.
“I needed it to be co-president of my Bible Study Club,” Kate explains.
Is social media fueling youth mental health crisis?
Here's what the data shows
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Amid the ongoing youth mental health crisis, experts and parents alike are trying to pinpoint why so many young people are facing mental health challenges. Time and time again, many point to social media as the culprit.
Adolescents spent nearly five hours per day on average scrolling through TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and Snapchat—more than double the time spent on homework, according to one study. All this screen time has an undeniable impact (for better or worse).
Social media's negative effects on youth mental health have been well-documented, leading the U.S. Surgeon General to issue a warning about its potential harms. Facebook and Instagram executives themselves know about their platforms' ill effects on young people but kept these findings under wraps (though many were recently called to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee about child exploitation and social media).
Still, various personal and societal factors influence well-being, and the impact of social media on youth mental health isn't cut and dry. At best, social media sites can be a lifeline for young people, especially those with marginalized identities and fewer resources, who find community and agency on the platforms, research shows.
To assess how social media impacts youth mental health, Charlie Health combed through the numbers, looking at data on how social media impacts suicidality and social connection alike. Keep reading to see what the data reveals.
Using social media for more than 30 minutes per day increases teen mental health risks
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As mentioned, the average teenager spends nearly five hours per day on social media, but more than a half-hour of daily usage alone may increase mental health risks, one study found. The study of over 6,500 adolescents found that spending more than 30 minutes daily on social media was linked to an increased risk of depressive and anxiety symptoms as well as bullying and attention problems. These risks rose with more social media use. Even after adjusting for other factors, spending over three hours daily on social media (which many teenagers do) more than doubled the risk of the aforementioned mental health issues, the study found.
Social media worsens many teens' body image
When asked about the impact of social media on their body image for a 2022 study, nearly half of teenagers said social media makes them feel worse. This finding supports others like it, including internal research showing that Instagram worsens body image for one in three teenage girls (which company executives turned a blind eye to). Research published by the American Psychological Association (APA) also observed the opposite effect: Teens and young adults who decreased their social media use by half for a few weeks felt better about their weight and appearance than peers who kept using it regularly.
Depressive symptoms and suicide-related issues linked to social media use
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Between 2010 and 2015, there was a rise in depressive symptoms, suicide-related concerns, and suicide rates among American teenagers, particularly girls, national data shows. Many studies have found these symptoms to be linked to social media use.
One 2017 study that dug into this data found that teens spending more time on social media were at an increased risk for depressive and suicide symptoms. Similarly, in a 2022 report, about half of teens said social media made them feel sad, depressed, lonely, or isolated sometimes, often, or always. A 2018 literature review of nine related studies found that spending more time on social media is linked to increased exposure to and participation in self-harm behavior, along with higher levels of psychological distress and thoughts of suicide among depressed teens.
By contrast, young people engaged in in-person social activities (like sports, homework, reading, and attending religious services) were less likely to report such issues, the 2017 study found.
Health-related information on social media is often wrong, although young people often turn to the platforms for self-diagnosis
Young people are increasingly diagnosing themselves with serious mental health issues based on social media content alone. The phenomenon, known as self-diagnosis, can be misleading at best and dangerous at worst for youth mental health, experts say, pointing to the prevalence of misinformation online. For instance, a recent study of ADHD videos on TikTok found that over half were medically "misleading." Also, as experts point out, self-diagnosis can delay a young person from meeting with a licensed mental health professional and getting the correct kind of care.
Social media can be connective and empowering, especially for marginalized young people
Despite its well-documented shortcomings, social media can also improve youth mental health in some instances, especially for marginalized youth people.
For instance, LGBTQIA+ young people negotiated and explored identity and obtained support from peers on social media, data shows. Also, about half of young people polled in one study—especially those who are Black and Latino—used social media to make their voices heard in civic engagement contexts. Most broadly speaking, social media can be a source of mental health support, boosting depressed moods in some contexts, one study found.
How to cultivate healthy social media usage among teens
Above all, it is the responsibility of executives and lawmakers to ensure that social media platforms are safe for teenagers. Below are some other steps that can be taken individually to cultivate healthy social media usage among teens.
Use social media to promote connection
As mentioned, social media can be a source of emotional support and solidarity, including for young people with mental health conditions, data shows. In order to promote these positive effects of social media, though, it's important to encourage young people to adopt positive social media practices—like following empowering people and accounts and unfollowing those promoting harmful practices or opinions.
Set social media boundaries
Establish clear rules and limits on screen time and social media usage, like setting daily time limits and reducing screen time around bed. Also, encourage breaks from social media and promote offline activities. Discussing these (and other) healthy behaviors online can reinforce positive actions in real life.
Know when to get help
If you or a young person in your life is struggling with their mental health or facing significant challenges related to social media use, consider seeking support from a licensed mental health professional.
This story was produced by Charlie Health and reviewed and distributed by Stacker Media.