Ex-NFLer Colton Underwood Learns The Rules Of The <i>Bachelorette</i> Fantasy Suite Fuck, Gets Sent Home
Team, it’s been a good run. Well, actually, it’s been a run full of trials and tribulations. Quite frankly, I had higher hopes for us. But part of being a good coach is knowing when to accept defeat and that’s what happened during Monday night’s episode of The Bachelorette, in which Colton—former NF...
<i>Bachelorette</i> Contestant And Former NFLer Colton Underwood Eats Conch, Reveals He's A Virgin
Team, you may be wondering: What kind of coach is leading us? Why would she go radio silent for weeks on end? Well, I’m a firm believer in being quiet until it’s worth being heard, and this week it was time to whip out the bullhorn. Colton, former NFL player and founder of the Colton Underwood Lega...
The Football Player Flips A Log On <i>The Bachelorette</i>, And The Football Knower Gets Eliminated
Team, there are roster cuts every week, but this round was tough. Our numbers have been depleted during an away game in Park City, Utah. (Lucky for them, the state’s previously stringent liquor laws have abated in recent years; if they hadn’t, it’s hard to imagine our players would have performed a...
Romantic <i>Bachelorette </i>Football Game Ends In An Injury To An Actual NFL Player
Team, Monday night’s episode of The Bachelorette was a rough one. Not only did we lose two soldiers to injury, but our game was in danger of being pushed back because of a pesky little thing called the “NBA Finals,” and was still interrupted by a fascist dictator meeting with a wannabe fascist dicta...
The Athletes Hit A Slump This Week On <i>The Bachelorette</i>, But Lil Jon Showed Up
Okay, team. This week was a rambunctious one, full of so many twists and turns that none of us could really follow the playbook. As the season goes on, the chaff will be cut and the roster will really start to gel. But in the meantime, as your stern but loving coach, I’m here to make clear what real...
"I'm Having A Ball Right Now!": How The Sports Men Did On The Premiere Of <i>The Bachelorette</i>
Well, here I am, team. Despite what I told myself about not being able to put my body through another season, what with the countless pep talks and endless late nights and the cold Gatorade showers, I’m back. Team, I don’t know how, I don’t know why (well, to be very frank, I do know why: that $$$ c...
Bars That Aren't Sports Bars Shouldn't Have TVs
I remember the moment well, save for all of the details. It was a bar with food, or maybe a restaurant with drinks. It was for sure on the North Side of Chicago. There was beautiful reclaimed wood everywhere, with tables to match. Big windows looking onto the street covered all of one wall. I was th...
Don't Move In With Your Significant Other
In July I moved into my own apartment. In the grand scheme of life, this was a relatively big deal....
Tennis Player Has the Right Attitude About Tennis: 'It's Just Tennis'
Tennis’s self-styled bad boy Nick Kyrgios, who seems to (like the fun players of the 1980s before him) spend more time delightfully trash-talking his competitors than hustling, had a Great Take on a match Thursday night....
An Adult's Guide To Learning To Swim
I truly believe swimmers are not born, but are made (excluding Michael Phelps and his insane body, of course). If you got past childhood without learning how to swim, it’s very possible that you’re now stricken with fear/embarrassment at the prospect. That makes perfect sense; it’s really hard to le...
Andy Murray Will Not Win Wimbledon This Year
Wimbledon defending champion and Britain's great hope Andy Murray was defeated by Bulgarian Grigor Dimitrov in straight sets Wednesday. A nation sneers....
This 19-Year-Old Just Kicked Rafael Nadal Out Of Wimbledon
Nick Kyrgios, a wild card entry to Wimbledon, just won against world number one and number two seed Rafael Nadal. Who the fuck is this guy?...
Watch Novak Djokovic Celebrate Winning A Match He Hadn’t Won Yet
During Wimbledon Monday, Novak Djokovic thought he'd won a spirited match against Jo-Wilfried Tsonga in straight sets. But as he headed up to the net to kiss opponent Jo-Wilfried Tsonga goodbye/start celebrating, Tsonga was less than ready to give up: Djokovic's winning point had actually been calle...
Boris Becker Has A Custom Boris Becker Phone Cover
This is an image from Wimbledon today of Novak Djokovic's coach, Boris Becker, snapping a photo with an iPhone encased in what appears to be a cute picture of Boris Becker and his family. It's basically the photographic equivalent of the following sentence, which appeared in a press release not long...