<i>Captain America: Civil War </i>Is Too Much And Just Enough
Yo dawg, Captain America: Civil War heard that you like superhero movies, so it installed several pleasantly extraneous superhero movies in your superhero movie so you could watch more superhero movies during your superhero movie. It is the Pizza Box, the Double Down, the Quesarito of the form. Pre...
Awwww Shit, <i>Game Of Thrones </i>Is Back
Hello darkness, my old friend...
Mourn Prince However You Can, For As Long As You Want
Jesus, this is terrible. Just terrible. Prince is dead. There’s no way to wrap your arms, or your head, around it. Just pick a moment and fixate. Like that time he burned “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” to the ground....
Acceptable Uses Of Snapchat's Bob Marley Filter
So Snapchat has chosen to celebrate 4/20 with a totally advisable Bob Marley filter that gives you blackface and dreadlocks. They’ll be pulling it and humbly apologizing any time now; I am typing this as fast as I can. Anyway, here are some experiments I’ve conducted. Thank you for your time, which ...
RIP Merle Haggard, The Only Man Who Could Live Up To The Name
Ah, Christ, Merle Haggard died, shit. On his 79th birthday. He was one of the greats. You know this for two reasons. First off, objectively, he just was, an acerbic and jovially iconoclastic teller of hard truths and winsome lies, a prickly charmer and actual outlaw (he once attended a Johnny Cash c...
<i>Batman V Superman </i>Is V Bad
A fun thing you could do during the two and a half hours you spend watching Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is count the number of times some rando blurts out something like “It’s uninhabited!” or “It’s after five, so downtown’s nearly empty right now!” whilst Batman and/or Superman throw various...
Happy 10th Birthday To Twitter; Here Is The Single Best Tweet Of All Time
Ten years! It’s true. And it’s equally true that Yung Washcloth has never been topped. Let this give you all something to aspire to in Twitter’s second decade. ...
The Best Track On Kanye West's <i>The Life Of Pablo </i>Is Also, Somehow, The Worst
What the world needs now is a great Kanye West song: no less and please, God, no more. Enough with the delays, the obfuscations, the feuds, the amusing tantrums misidentified as unhinged rants, the legit unmisidentifiable social-media disasters. It’s exhausting. He’s exhausting. We’re exhausted. To ...
RIP David Bowie, The Most Human Alien Of All
Can we start with “Under Pressure”? Is that too obvious? Eh, who cares. We’re starting with “Under Pressure.” Get a load of the a capella version, man. Two Top 5 all-time rock singers howling into the void until the void retreats in terror and awe. This song owns....
LCD Soundsystem Don't Owe You Anything, Including Silence
You could’ve seen this LCD Soundsystem reunion business coming if you’d looked hard enough—if you’d looked anywhere, in fact, for any length of time and with any degree of hardness. Hell, it was obvious to anyone who watched the full-length feature film devoted to their alleged final show, a Madison...
I Lost Almost 50 Pounds, But Not My Inhibitions
So I’m standing in line at Taco Bell sometime in the early 2000s, and up at the counter they’ve got a TV showing us security-camera footage of ourselves, and that’s how I catch sight of the hulking, disheveled, terrifying man looming directly behind me. He is the size of 3.5 normal people, even in t...
The Best Things We Watched In 2015
Here, now, are our favorite films, TV shows, and pieces of internet ephemera of the year. Thank you for your time....
<i>The Revenant</i> Is The Manliest (And Bear-iest) Movie Ever Made
You have two very specific questions about The Revenant, and we’ll get to those, promise. But first, let us discuss the scene where Leonardo DiCaprio, playing a über-badass 19th-century American outdoorsman, flees a party of bloodthirsty Native Americans, rides his horse off a cliff, lands in a gian...
The Best Things We Heard In 2015
Music! Everyone loves music. Lists! Everyone loves lists. Hit the deck....
Spoiler-Free Lines From <i>Star Wars: The Force Awakens</i>, Ranked
13. “We’ve got company.” ...
Farewell, Elegant Bachelor: Scott Weiland, RIP
The thing about being a rock star in the ’90s is you had to act like you hated being a rock star, and this is where Scott Weiland made his first mistake. As frontman for Stone Temple Pilots, whose 1992 debut Core was an instant Columbia House Hall of Famer, he swaggered and sashayed and preened and ...
Coldplay Are Playing The Super Bowl Halftime Show, And LOL, You're Gonna Love It
Look, I’ll just tell you exactly how this is gonna go down. So Super Bowl Sunday 2016, it’ll be Panthers-Patriots, obviously, and when halftime comes around, the Panthers will be up, oh, let’s say between 60 and 80 points, and then Coldplay will do a little set. ...
My Proposals For The Billy Joel Musicology Conference
Oh, hell yes. This is a real thing, and it will be amazing....
Missy Elliott's Rad New Song "WTF" Is All The Caffeine You Need This Morning
Missy Elliott’s thrilling and frustrating slow-motion comeback continues apace. This year she’s popped up intermittently on the arms of Janet Jackson, the Skrillex/Diplo confluence unwisely known as Jack Ü, and Katy Perry via her Super Bowl extravaganza, where Missy upstaged everyone except maybe Le...
Grimes Is A Very Awkward Pop Star, Which Makes <i>Art Angels </i>Way More Fun
The truth is that all sorts of weirdos get to be pop stars nowadays, and that should excite you whether you like pop stars or weirdos. Think Lana Del Rey, who has excellent rocket-launcher technique and makes profoundly soporific records that double as fainting couches. Think Fetty Wap, who has one ...