elder-wisdom - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![Which Flavor Of White Claw Hard Seltzer Is Best (At Football)?](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/uui5jt1nkldvemd5wpto.jpg)
![There Are Too Many Kinds Of Dashes](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/udvhmhoxmul8dgbwp9ee.jpg)
![My Enemies In Nature, Ranked](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/jgpflivdiwpgfdakcac5.jpg)
My Enemies In Nature, Ranked
It’s more or less springlike now, pending yet another cruel and absurd outbreak of The Eternal Winter of 2017-18. Here in my absurd forest dwelling, spring means that we are emerging, pallid and blinking, to plant new trees and azaleas, to try with ludicrous and doomed vanity to restore some mowable...
![I Can't Wait To See Tech Dweebs Own Themselves By Wearing These Things On Their Faces](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/doglgsbgbutjfjyyndwr.png)
I Can't Wait To See Tech Dweebs Own Themselves By Wearing These Things On Their Faces
Listen. I am old. And one of the things that happened along my way to becoming old was that I recognized, and even came to derive some comfort from recognizing, that the things I value—privacy, the company of my loved ones, good health, not having what look like limo-tinted jeweler’s glasses from th...
![Clean Up Now](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/kauitiddnfulwada8jrs.jpg)
Clean Up Now
A lie I tell myself with dismal regularity is Ugh, fuck, I am too tired and burned out to tidy up tonight, I’ll do it in the morning. That is not how it works. In my more caffeinated moments, this is obvious....
![Pickle Some Stuff](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/u4qbzhy2lgd22t6szran.jpg)
Pickle Some Stuff
No one ever—I checked; it literally has never happened—has gone, “Dang, if only I had not pickled some foodstuffs.” Does this mean pickling some foodstuffs is a good idea for you, right now, wherever you are, even if where you are right now is an important meeting in a grey conference room surrounde...
![I Rebuke Your Bullcrap Marshmallow Roasting Tactics In The Strongest Possible Terms](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/cnz9wgl2xfc5f9ffkynn.gif)
I Rebuke Your Bullcrap Marshmallow Roasting Tactics In The Strongest Possible Terms
Everybody likes roasting a marshmallow over a campfire or fire pit, the best of autumn’s fire-related food activities. Everybody but me! I am sick of watching the youths butcher delicious marshmallows with their amateurish roasting methods!...
![There Are Too Many Shows](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/za8zof6gro2maxuqmkny.jpg)
There Are Too Many Shows
There are too many shows on TV. Too many shows! Who can watch all of these shows? I can’t watch all of these shows....
![Pfft, "Solar Eclipse," Big Deal](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ybbbewwcmbbmd8bftvif.jpg)
Pfft, "Solar Eclipse," Big Deal
Apparently many of the youths are very excited about a “solar eclipse” today. The moon’s transit will carry it directly between the sun and the earth in the skies over the United States, where, along a certain corridor of geography, it will obscure the sun’s rays completely for a little while. I sup...
![Things Take Too Long Now](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/bhfgf3wu2kg4fyrawcyv.jpg)
Things Take Too Long Now
I am fed up with things taking so damn long. Everything takes too long! Hurry it up for chrissakes....
![You Puny Millennial Weaklings Disgust Me, A Tough, Sinewy Elder](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/bbuyk4ejimazbowjgnaa.jpg)
You Puny Millennial Weaklings Disgust Me, A Tough, Sinewy Elder
Via the Washington Post, I have learned of a study by the Journal of Hand Therapy showing that millennial men are a bunch of weak, pampered diaper babies with butter-soft hands and that your puny muscles are no match for my hardened, callused Gen-X gripping power. I am paraphrasing, here. The Journa...
![Counterpoint: Dying Is (Probably) Okay](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/qsg90lhywivihe5scev7.png)
Counterpoint: Dying Is (Probably) Okay
My smart colleague George Dvorsky over at Gizmodo published a defense of “radical life extension” this morning. This is a largely pseudo- or quasi-scientific pursuit favored by billionaire parasite Peter Thiel (among others), based upon the idea that, essentially, death is a pathology rather than a ...