fish-tank - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Dolphins As North KoreaThe Miami Dolphins’ loss to the Buffalo Bills on Sunday was their most normal game of the season, which is to say that it was their least interesting. The circus came to town, but nobody fell from the trapeze or was mauled by a bear. The Dolphins showed up, gave the fans a game, lost, packed up, and...

Bills Fan Says Dolphins' Bobby McCain Spit On Him, Also Threatened To Spit On KidDefensive back Bobby McCain, like all of his teammates, surely can’t be enjoying playing for the winless Miami Dolphins, but he really needs to take those losses with whatever shreds of dignity are left....

The Dolphins Are Still Finding New Ways To Embarrass ThemselvesThe Miami Dolphins’ turd carnival trucked up to Buffalo this weekend for a matchup with the rested, 4-1 Bills. Things got off to a predictably rough start as soon as the game started. On the second play from scrimmage, defensive tackle Christian Wilkins—who the Dolphins selected with the 13th overal...

The Dolphins Smashed Their Own Dicks To A Pulp, And Then Smashed Them Some More

This past Sunday, the Miami Dolphins failed so flagrantly, so perfectly, in a game so perversely important that was more meme than matchup, that I don’t actually need to explain what happened to them. But the thing you should know about the Dolphins’ suicide screen pass, which wrapped up their 17-16...

The Dolphins Are The Worst Of The Worst

One hurdle lying on its side, rusted and shattered, 11 more left....

Dolphins Win Barf Bowl, Lose To Washington In Final Seconds

So far this season the Miami Dolphins had looked unstoppable on their way to a No. 1 draft pick and Tua Tagovailoa. But their tank rumbled over a potential minefield on Sunday: a matchup with Washington, one of a small handful of teams that might be nearly as bad as the Dolphins, and the only team t...

Dad Made The Very Sleepy Chargers Get Out Of Bed And Beat The Dolphins

Okay, so I can’t show you what it would look like if the Miami Dolphins played a college football team. But I can show you what it would look like if the Miami Dolphins played in a college football game, and were the college team....

The Blowhole: Brian Flores Wants To Spoonfeed You Sadness

The most important thing to know about the Miami Dolphins is that their new coach, Brian Flores, treats every game like he will be held criminally liable if anything interesting happens. Dolphins fans, befitting a franchise that hasn’t won a playoff game in 20 years, have extensive experience with c...

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Report: Minkah Fitzpatrick Traded To Steelers For First-Rounder [Update]

Just four days after Minkah Fitzpatrick made it clear he wanted no part in the Dolphins’ soul-crushing tank job, Miami satisfied his wishes and sent him to the much-less-sunnier city of Pittsburgh. All it cost from the Steelers to get the defensive talent was the hefty price of a first-round pick in...

by Gabe Fernandez|

|Tue Sep 17 2019

Should You Root For The Dolphins To Be The Worst Team Ever?

After two games, the Miami Dolphins are, well, you know. Everyone knows. After two weeks, everybody knows. Everybody can smell it....

by Ray Ratto|

|Mon Sep 16 2019

The Dolphins Are Stale Piss From The Gutter

The Dolphins, a team set up to execute one of the most brazen tanking campaigns in NFL history, were so bad in Week 1 that a handful of players were reportedly calling their agents after the game and begging to be traded. Somehow, Miami was even worse today against the Patriots....

by Tom Ley|

|Mon Sep 16 2019

Minkah Fitzpatrick Wants Out Of Miami

It took only one game for the depth and breadth of Miami’s “tank for Tua” campaign to become apparent, and it was being widely reported even before all the players had finished driving home from the stadium that they were frantically ringing their agents, begging for deliverance from whatever this a...

by Barry Petchesky|

|Mon Sep 16 2019

The Dolphins Aren't Enjoying This Fiasco Any More Than You Are

Dolphins head coach Brian Flores declared on Friday, “I have a good team.” What a difference one game makes, especially when that game was Miami’s 59-10 loss to the Ravens, featuring the most points and the most yards (643) the Dolphins have given up in their history. Brian Flores on Sunday: “We’ve ...

by Barry Petchesky|

|Mon Sep 16 2019

The Dolphins Were The Perfect Confidence Builder For The Ravens

It was very clear at the end of preseason that the Dolphins had no desire to seriously compete this year, even if head coach Brian Flores planned on it. Judging from the roster as well as the trade of Laremy Tunsil and Kenny Stills, the Fins seemed destined to suck mondo ass. Today’s game did not di...

by Samer Kalaf|

|Mon Sep 16 2019

The Dolphins Are Tanking Whether Or Not Brian Flores Wants To

It’s never a good sign when, a few days out from the start of the NFL season, reporters are asking a head coach questions like, “So, are you guys even going to try to win a game this year?” That’s the line of questioning Dolphins first-year head coach Brian Flores faced after his team traded Kenny S...

by Tom Ley|

|Mon Sep 16 2019

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