Cooking the Books (Black Books episode)
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| "Cooking the Books (Black Books episode)" |
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"Cooking the Books" is the first episode of the sitcom Black Books. It was written by Dylan Moran and Graham Linehan.
Plot Summary
Bernard Black, after kicking everyone out of his store, the titular Black Books, enters his friend Fran Katzenjammer's store, Nifty Gifty, in order to convince her to mind his store while he visits his accountant, Nick. She agrees, as long as he minds her shop later on in the week, as she needs to be at the hospital to be the birth partner of her friend, Julie. During this time, she is also trying to solve the meaning of an object, which she labels as a "bald furby". Bernard meets with Nick, but Nick soon escapes out the window as the police chase after him, and now the disgruntled shop owner faces having to do his own taxes. Unable to understand the paperwork, he tries anything to avoid finishing his taxes; piling his socks, talking to his mother, and soon he invites Jehovah's Witnesses into his household for a talk about Jesus. However, even this fails. But he receives hope when he finds out that persons suffering from either long-term or short-term illnesses or injuries may delay handing in their accounts, which gives him the idea to place a special offer on a book - "free as long as you break my legs". The customer, unfortunately, already has this book, but Bernard notices a group of skinheads outside the window, and rushes to meet them.
Meanwhile, Manny Bianco buys the "Little Book of Calm" from Bernard and ends up accidentally swallowing it. After being taken to the hospital, his doctor informs him that he has, in fact, assimilated it into his system, with Manny now giving advice from the book itself from memory. He appears to look like a sterotypical Jesus. He starts to leave the hospital, meeting with Julie, whom Fran is desperately trying to reach. He calms her down with a quote, and leaves the hospital, seemingly calming both a dog and a car. He then meets with a group of skinheads who insult him, and then punch him in the face, which causes Manny to wake from his Little Book of Calm induced amnesia.
Ultimately, Bernard runs outside and meets with the skinheads, insulting their shaved heads, their behaviour, their football team, and finally their girlfriends, when they lose their temper and beat him up. Waking from his daze, Bernard finds himself in his store, with Manny watching over him; Manny is exceedingly grateful that Bernard saved him, offering to do his taxes and make him a "ham sandwich with a pickle". After this, the Jehovas Witnesses come back, and Manny opens the door, appearing like Jesus. Later, while Fran meets with Bernard and Manny, Bernard cannot find his lighter. Manny picks up the "bald furby" and presses a button, releasing a lighter flame to light Bernard's cigarette, which causes Fran to scream.
Trivia
- The two people who play the Jehovah's Witnesses were real life brothers.
- The phone call from Bernard to his mother lasts 11 seconds.
- On the side of the "bald furby" boxes in "Nifty Gifty" are katakana characters saying 'raita' (lighter)