Batman (comics)

Batman is an ongoing comic book series featuring the DC Comics hero of the same name. The character first appeared in Detective Comics #27, published in May 1939. Batman proved to be so popular that a self-titled ongoing comic book series began publication in the spring of 1940. It was first advertised in early April 1940, one month after the first appearance of his new sidekick, Robin, the Boy Wonder.

Though the Batman comic book was initially launched as a quarterly publication, it later became a bi-monthly series through the late 1950s, after which it became a monthly publication and has remained so since.[1]

Batman

Batman's (1939-current) secret identity is Bruce Wayne, a wealthy industrialist, playboy, and philanthropist. Witnessing the murder of his parents as a child, Wayne trains himself both physically and intellectually and dons a bat-themed costume in order to fight crime. Batman operates in the fictional American Gotham City, assisted by various supporting characters including his sidekick Robin and his butler Alfred Pennyworth, and fights an assortment of villains influenced by the characters' roots in film and pulp magazines. Unlike most superheroes, he does not possess any superpowers; he makes use of intellect, detective skills, science and technology, wealth, physical prowess, and intimidation in his war on crime.

The Long Halloween (1996-1997) by Jeph Loeb with art by Tim Sale

• "I believe in Jim Gordon. I believe in Harvey Dent. I believe in Gotham City."

The Dark Knight Returns (1997) by Frank Miller with art by Klaus Janson

• "[To Superman] I want you to remember Clark, In all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember my hand at your throat, I want you to remember the one man who beat you."

Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth (1989) by Grant Morrison with art by Dave McKean

• "Sometimes it's only madness that makes us what we are."

• "Criminals are a terror. Hearts of the night. I must disguise my terror. Criminals are cowardly. A superstitious terrible omen. A cowardly lot. My disguise must strike terror. I must be black. Terrible. Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. I must be a creature. I must be a creature of the night. Mommy's dead. Daddy's dead. Brucie's dead. I shall become a bat."

As The Crow Flies (2004) by Judd Winick with art by Dustin NguyenandRichard Friend

• "That vase was from the Ming Dynasty. Alfred will forgive me... eventually."

Batman: The Killing Joke (1988) by Alan Moore with art by Brian Bolland

• Batman: (to the Joker) "Hello. I came to talk. I've been thinking lately. About you and me. About what's going to happen to us in the end. We're going to kill each other, aren't we? Perhaps you'll kill me. Perhaps I'll kill you. Perhaps sooner. Perhaps later.

---

• Batman: (to the Joker) Don't you understand? I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're both running out of alternatives, and we both know it. Maybe it all hinges on tonight. Maybe this is our last chance to sort this whole bloody mess out. If you don't take it, then we're both locked onto a suicide course. Both of us. To the death. It doesn't have to end like that. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but who knows? Maybe I've been there too. Maybe I can help. We could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You needn't be out there on the edge anymore. You needn't be alone. We don't have to kill each other. What do you say?

Batman: Year One (1987) by Frank Miller with art by David Mazzucchelli

• "Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat."

• "Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on -- none of you are safe."

Hush (2002-2003) by Jeph Loeb with art by Jim Lee

• "I made a promise on the grave of my parents that I would rid this city of the evil that took their lives. By day, I am Bruce Wayne, billionaire philanthropist. At night, criminals, a cowardly and superstitious lot, call me... Batman."

• "Criminals, by nature, are a cowardly and superstitious lot. To instill fear into their hearts, I became a bat. A monster in the night. And in doing so, have I become the very thing that all monsters become - alone?"

• "Deep down, Clark's essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not."

• "They say that when you kill a man you not only take away what he was, but all he will ever be."

• "I have been to too many funerals."

Identity Crisis (2004) by Brad Meltzer with art by Rags Morales and Michael Bair

• "People think it's an obsession. A compulsion. As if there were an irresistible impulse to act. It's never been like that. I chose this life. I know what I'm doing. And on any given day, I could stop doing it. Today, however, isn't that day. And tomorrow won't be either."

Infinite Crisis (2005) by Geoff Johns with art by Phil Jimenez, George Pérez, Ivan Reis and Jerry Ordway

• (to Superman) "Everyone looks up to you. They listen to you. If you tell them to fight, they'll fight. But they need to be inspired. And let's face it "Superman"... the last time you really inspired anyone -- was when you were dead."

The Joker: Devil's Advocate (1995) by Chuck Dixon with art by Graham Nolan

• (to the Joker) "And when you're sitting here alone in the middle of the night, unsleeping in the dark, remember -- every breath you take you owe to me."

Batman #625 (2004) by Brian Azzarello with art by Eduardo Risso

• "And as the sun, that had been too afraid to show its face in this city, started to turn the black into grey, I smiled. Not out of happiness. But because I knew... that one day, I wouldn't have to do this anymore. One day, I could stop fighting. Because one day... I would win. One day, there will be no pain, no loss, no crime. Because of me, because I fight. For you. One day, I will win."

Batman RIP by Grant Morrison with art by Tony Daniel

• "Did I finally reach the limits of reason? And find the Devil waiting? And was that fear in his eye?"

Miscellaneous quotes

Huntress

• "Any man can transform himself into something else, something beyond reason..beyond supermen.- Michael Setzer
• "You want justice served? You want vengeance taken? You want honor restored? Then do it yourself. That's omertà. When blood cries for blood, you answer the call. And you answer it alone." - Batman: Huntress: Cry for Blood

• (to Nightwing) "I don't want your help. I don't need your help. Now, get out of my home." - Batman: Huntress: Cry for Blood

• "There were so many flowers. My mother had been shot in the chest. Her casket was open. But my father and my brother, they'd been shot in the face, and there was no way the mortician could repair that damage. I was eight years old and my family was dead and all I thought was that people loved us. It wasn't grief that brought the flowers. It was joy." - Batman: Huntress: Cry for Blood

• "Actually - I play a little rough for Batman's taste." - Nightwing/Huntress

• "Maybe I have something to prove--to him or myself or both. Or maybe I care because I've been alone most of my life. Ever since I was a child. Alone in every kind of darkness. Hunting evil or just waiting for the dawn. It must be some kind of comfort to have a partner. Someone to trust at your back. So maybe when I see him with Robin I want to see me. He's like me--a loner--yet he and his partner somehow make a perfect team." - Batman 80 Page Giant #1

• "If there's a lesson tonight, it's that there's no room for chance in this "business." Lives depend on my being certain. Reason. Intellect. Skill. Nothing else must matter." - Batman 80 Page Giant #2

• (To a vision of Batman) "It's...It's beautiful. Can I keep it? I won't lose it. Don't go. I want to show you what I can do. I'll make you proud. Say Something!" - Gotham Knights #38

• (To Batman) "So, nothing condescending to say about my new costume? You weren't exactly focused the last time you saw it. You're welcome by the way." - Gotham Knights #40

• (To an unconscious Batman) "[darn] you. Not going down. Not in front of you." - Batman: Hush

• (Batman on Huntress) "Huntress. After all we've been through she still fights for my life. So much rage. Not sure I ever saw it...before. She's better than she knows but wastes too much energy proving it. So much like I when I started out. No wonder the others haven't accepted her..." - Batman: Hush

• "I could stop their screaming with one bolt. Wouldn't stop a ... thing. Seven days since Gotham has been left to rot like Gomorrah. We're better than that. I'm sure of it. Unfortunately, I've seen nothing to so far to support that faith." - Batman No Man's Land #0

• "I hate losing. I hate running away. I don't know what else to do. They don't fear me. Not like they fear him. Where is the Batman? He's all over me when I screw up when I don't play by his rules. "My City!" he says, never let's me forget it. So why isn't he putting the fear of... Are they roasting a bat?" - Batman No Man's Land #0

• (On her first night as Batgirl) "Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. I didn't need to raise a fist. I didn't need to say a word. They took one look at me, one look at my shadow and they ran. No. Not my shadow. No I get it and I like it." - Batman No Man's Land #0

• I should put this spike in his throat...he'd do it to me. He'd kill me and not blink. Kill him and not blink. Why not? In No Man's Land why...not? (sees Batsymbol reflected on the glass drops knife and lets thug go). Batman No Man's Land #0

• "I'm not even that fond of real cops. But wannabe cops... now they just tick me right off." - Birds of Prey #69

• "You guys sure you want to fire your sidearms around gas pumps? Just asking." - Birds of Prey #69

• "I was brought here at gunpoint and in cuffs, Mr. Brusaw. I don't think a hug is entirely the correct response here." - Birds of Prey #69

• "You. You ratted me out to Brushaw's fake police officers. Now was that polite?" - Birds of Prey #69

• (upon finding Black Canary bound by tree branches) "This might take a while. I forgot my chainsaw." - Birds of Prey #76

• (after shooting a crossbow bolt through a crooked cop's hand, Black Canary and John are staring at her) "What? He'll be fine. We're in a hospital." - Birds of Prey #80

Nightwing: You want to know a secret? Everyone but me thinks you're nuts, there's a secret!

Huntress: That's hardly a secret. - Nightwing/Huntress

Black Canary: Hey, how'd you know about Cheetah's healing factor?

Huntress: (shooting Cheetah) Healing what now? - Birds of Prey #97

Tom: I don't talk to women who wear make-up, anyway. It's unclean. So just shut up.

Huntress: Someone hasn't had a date in a while...

Tom: Shut up! - Birds of Prey #69

Talia: And Who are you? The Detective's consort? His woman?

Huntress: Do I sense some jealousy there, Babe?

Talia: You... - Robin #33

Jason Todd

• "That looks like it's gotta hurt. Well, I say that like I'm speculating or something. I know it hurts." - Batman: Under the Hood

• "I seem to have made myself an enemy of all the bad guys." - Batman: Under the Hood

• (after Batman tries to redeem him)"It's too late...you had your chance...and I'm just getting started." - Under the Red Hood

• (confronting Batman at the Ace Chemicals building) "Hard to forget that night, huh? In a way, Batman, this was the site of your first great failure. Maybe your greatest, but certainly not your last, right? Ah, memories." Batman: Under the Red Hood

• "You can't stop crime! That's what you never understood! I'm CONTROLLING it! You want to rule them by fear but what do you do to those who aren't afraid?! I'm doing what YOU won't! I'm taking them out!" - Under the Red Hood

• (after beating The Joker to a pulp) "Now tell me... How does it feel?"

• (to Batman) "Is that what you think this is about? You letting me die?! I don't know what clouds your judgment worse. Your guilt or your antiquated sense of morality. Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me. But why, why on God's Earth..." (kicks open a door, revealing the Joker.) "...IS HE STILL ALIVE?!?" Batman: Under the Red Hood

• (to Batman, about Joker) "Ignoring what he's done in the past-blindly, stupidly disregarding the entire graveyards he's filled, the thousands who've suffered, the friends he's crippled. And I thought...I thought I'd be the last person you'd ever let him hurt. If it had been you that he'd beat to a bloody pulp, if he had taken you from this world, I would have done nothing but search the planet for this pathetic pile of evil, death-worshipping garbage...and send him off to hell!!" Batman: Under the Red Hood"

• (after Batman explains why he never killed the Joker) "Why? I'm not talking about killing Penguin or Scarecrow or Dent. I'm talking about him. Just him. And doing it because... Because he took me away from you." Batman: Under the Red Hood

• "Hey...It's going to be hard to learn a great many things about me, but one I'll give you for free... I am no one's son." Batman: Under the Hood

• (to Onyx) "What do you think this was all about? We were going to rough these guys up and teach them a lesson? Welcome to planet Earth, baby! These dead sacks of meat on the floor made their living by beating, raping and devouring! Fear isn't the answer!" Batman: Under the Hood

• "You son of a b****." (about Batman, after returning from the dead and seeing that the Joker is still at large)

• "Yeah, well if you want answers to questions beyond reason...there is a guy in Arkham Asylum who wrote the book on crazy" -"Countdown"

Villains

Bane

• "I could kill you... but death would only end your agony -- and silence your shame. (lifts Batman over his head) Instead, I will simply... (snaps Batman's spine on his knee) ...BREAK YOU! (dumps Batman's broken body on the ground) Broken...and done." -Batman: Knightfall

• “I’d kill for anything. I’d kill to silence a grating voice, to darken the light in the eyes that dared look at me.” -Batman: Knightfall

• "I have only one rule when dealing with the enemy. Give them nothing. Not solace, not mercy, not kindness, not torment, not provisions, and - most assuredly - not satisfaction." - Secret Six #05

• "You break him by breaking everyone he loves and stacking them, defiled and ruined, in his grand foyer." - Secret Six #35

Black Mask

• "I'm listening, and when I say I'm listening, I'm also thinking about killing you."

• [When asking by Li if Red Hood is crazy for selling back their kryptonite for $50,000,000] "No. The crazy ones would make a suit out of the rock and march into Metropolis and play 'king of the mountain'. This one knows what he's doing."

• "I'm not pleased, you know. Not pleased at all. And despite appearances, this isn't a damned smile on my face."

• "I swear, it's like trying to run a crime organization with my mother."

• "And I'll just wait here... because I'm known for my patience."

Catwoman

• "Like the view? It's the only thing you'll be catching tonight." - Batman: Hush

• "Show a man what he expects to see, and he won't look beneath the surface." - Catwoman vol. 1 #1

• "It's such a waste when pretty things get broken." - Catwoman vol. 1 #2

• "Life would be so much easier if I didn't have this conscience!" - Catwoman vol. 1 #9

• "Live fast. Love hard. Die young. Leave a good-smelling corpse." - Catwoman vol. 1 #18

• "They may suspect me, but they'll never see me. They may chase me, but they'll never catch me. Never, never, ever catch me." - Catwoman vol. 1 #19

• "I'm a thief--and stealing is what I do. Not so much for the prize or the possession or even the profit...but for the art of doing it...because I can... and because I'm good." - Catwoman vol. 1 #38

• (to Batman) "You are part of the night, just like me. We're not afraid of the dark--we come alive in it...we're thrilled by it." - Catwoman vol. 1 #40

• "A long time ago, before I put on this mask, I was afraid of everything." - Catwoman vol. 1 #59

• "That's part of the rule. Never quit. Never let them see you're afraid. Above all -- never let them see you're hurt. Never let them see you cry. Never." - Catwoman vol. 1 #75

• "My world is all just shades of grey, Batman. That's why you'll never really understand me." - Catwoman vol. 2 #1

• "The East End. My soul is tied to this place now. Because it's cost me so much in blood and tears. But this is where the Catwoman was born. And if it has to be, this is where she'll die." - Catwoman vol. 2 #25

• (To Poison Ivy) "Oh my god. I get it. You're insane, aren't you?" - Gotham City Sirens #18

• (To Poison Ivy) "We both know you've been looking for a reason to say that for a long time. You never wanted me around. You've never liked me. But you could never justify it. Not to Harley." - Gotham City Sirens #21

• (To Harley) "Your ex-lover, a murderous psychopath who has repeatedly made our lives a living hell, nearly burns my new home to the ground and all you can say is 'gross'?!" - Gotham City Sirens #5

Harley Quinn

• "Aw, c'mon, Puddin' -- don'tcha wanna rev up ya Harley? Vroom! Vroom!" - Batman: Mad Love

• "Face it, Harl. This stinks -- yer a certified nutso wanted in twelve states -- and hopelessly in love with a psychopathic clown. Hey, when did my life go Loony Tunes!?" - Batman: Mad Love

• [to Batman] "I've never seen ya' laugh before... I don't think I like it. Cut it out! You're givin' me the creeps." - Batman: Mad Love

• "I found the Joker's psyche disturbing, his dementia alarming, and his charm irresistible!" - Batman: Harley Quinn

• "My love for my Joker was stronger than their madhouse walls." - Batman: Harley Quinn

• "Face it, Harley-- you and your Puddin' are kaput! You're playin' solitaire now-- not hearts!" - Harley Quinn #2

• [After being instructed by a SWAT team to "Get on her knees"] "Maybe when we get to know each other better." - "Harley Quinn #28

• (about Bruce Wayne ) "Brucie's got a lot more on the ball than you'd think. He's got a presence. He hides it under that society suave, but there's a real intensity. Only others I ever met like that were Mistah J... and Batman!" - Harley Quinn #6

• "Get up, you deadbeat! That was the only place in town with a scintillatin' selection of polyester fashion! Where you think I'm gonna shop now? - Harley Quinn #9

• "There's no such thing as safe sex with some alien races. Think acid-for-blood. Think mate-then-kill." - Harley Quinn #15

• "Well, what d'ya know -- looks like we ran outta friends... for a while, at least. And me the social type! Or is that sociopathic?" - Harley Quinn #18

• "If you think Arkham's scary as a doctor, you should try it as a patient." - Detective Comics #831

• "I'm crazy about... Well hey, I'm just crazy." - Gotham Girls

• (about Arkham) What a dump. - Gotham Girls

• (To Catwoman about Poison Ivy) "I understand. Yet, as a psychiatrist I feel that Ivy having social interaction with the regular world can only benefit... Ooh, cute puppy!" - Gotham City Sirens #11

Hush

• "What is a friend? A single soul residing in two bodies." - Batman: Hush

• "All men by nature seek knowledge." - Batman: Hush

The Joker

• "So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to World War Three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last World War? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?" - Batman: The Killing Joke

• "If the police expect to play against the Joker, they'd better be prepared to be dealt from the bottom of the deck!" - Batman #1

• (to Judge Drake) "You can't win anyway... You see, I hold the winning card!" - Batman #1

• "I won't even waste the usual Joker Venom on you, Brute, but give you something you can understand...lead! - Batman #1

• "Very neat! That ugly head of yours does have a brain!" - Batman #1

• "I'm not mad at all! I'm just differently sane!!" - Batman and Robin #13

• (to Superman) "More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle." - Superman/Batman: World's Finest

• "One by One, they'll hear my call. Then this wicked town, will follow my fall." - Batman: The Man Who Laughs

• "In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out." - Identity Crisis

• "Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away... forever." - Batman: The Killing Joke

• "Ladies and gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, 'Not very well'. Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!" - Batman: The Killing Joke

• "It's a clear choice -- me or Pettit. Vote or die. Cancer or tuberculosis." - Detective Comics #737

• "If I weren't crazy, I'd be insane!" - Batman: Dark Detective

• "They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dance routine — and it would never be enough. No, I don’t keep count. But you do. And I love you for it." - Batman: The Dark Knight Returns

• "See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight...stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daredn't make the leap. Y'see...y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea...He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... he says 'What do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'" - Batman: The Killing Joke

• "Aren't I just good enough to eat?" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

• "April sweet is coming in, let the feast of fools begin!" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

• "The guy goes into the hospital, okay? His wife's just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both. So he meets the doctor and he says, 'Oh, Doc, I've been so worried. How are they?' And the doctor smiles and says, 'They're fine. Just fine. Your wife's delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip-top form. You're one lucky guy.' So the guy rushes into the maternity ward with his flowers. But it's empty. His wife's bed is empty. 'Doc?' He says and turns around and the doctor and all the nurses wave their arms and scream in his face. 'April fool! Your wife's dead and the baby's a spastic!!'" (he executes an asylum orderly with a gunshot to the head) "Get it? Oh, what a senseless waste of human life!" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

• "Parting is such sweet sorrow, dearest. Still, you can't say we didn't show you a good time. Enjoy yourself out there... in the asylum. Just don't forget -- if it ever gets too tough... there's always a place for you here." - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

• (to Batman) "Loosen up, tight ass!" — Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

• "Oh, yes! Fill the churches with dirty thoughts! Introduce honesty to the White House! Write letters in dead languages to people you've never met! Paint filthy words on the foreheads of children! Burn your credit cards and wear high heels! Asylum doors stand open! Fill the suburbs with murder and rape! Divine madness! Let there be ecstasy, ecstasy in the streets! Laugh and the world laughs with you!" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

• "And he didn't die all at once. It was hours before the screaming stopped. I almost didn't get to sleep that night. That was the last time I'd used crushed glass..." - The Joker: Devil's Advocate

• "You dirty rat! You killed my brother! My sister! My daughter! She's my sister and my daughter!" - Batman: Dark Victory

• (to Batman) "Quick question: When the clock strikes twelve, do I get a little kiss?" - Batman: The Long Halloween

• "Hello Late-Show lovers...and lovers of the Late-Show!" - The Laughing Fish

• "Live...and in person! The Caliph of Clowns, the Grand Mogul of Mountebanks, the One and Only JOKER! Prerecorded for this time zone." - The Sign of the Joker

• "What's wrong with the World? After all the AGGRAVATION I went through just STEALING this crop-duster...you'd think they'd give me one that would FLY right." - Batman: The Long Halloween

• Drive-In Waitress: Take your order, please?
  Joker: Yes, indeedy. Thank you. (Talking incredibly fast) I'd like the Big Beefer, Heavy Mustard, double pickles, three strips of bacon, make 'em crispy, ranch dressing on the side...
  Waitress: Ah, sir...
  Joker: Side order of fries, also crispy, one of those fake pie thingees with the boiling hot juice that scalds the roof of your mouth...I LOVE that...
  Waitress: Sir...
  Joker:Two of your special Egg Nog Shakes, a boy's kiddie meal, and I'll pay extra for a full assortment of the toys that come with it.
  Waitress: Sir! You were talking way to fast. You'll have to repeat all that!
  Joker: Of all the incompetence! Listen, you brain-dead Cephalapod! I have better things to do than repeat myself in the fleeting hope that through some MIRACLE you might somehow triumph over your own crushing ignorance and get ONE ITEM of my order right! I DEMAND to see your manager!
  Manager: I'm sorry, sir. How may I help you?
  Joker:(shoots the manager) I really wanted those shakes.

• "Every clown loves kids, captain. Just ask Sarah Essen-Gordon. Oh, that's right, you can't!" - Gotham Central #15

• (As Nightwing pummels him) "Aw... Jeez... I hit Jason a lot harder than that. (Pause) His name was Jason, right?" - Joker: Last Laugh #6

• "Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too." - Emperor Joker

• "Yum Yum! Dum Sum! Chinese food...made from real Chinese!" - Emperor Joker

• (To Harley as he turns her into a Constellation) "You get the best seat in the house for Armageddon. Say goodnight, Harley. I always wanted to see my dame in lights. Heh. Even in a moment of abject saccharine, I still got it." - Emperor Joker

• "I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled, kids!!!! Now get me Santa Claus!" - Batman #655

• "If I weren't insane: I couldn't be so brilliant!" - Dreadful Birthday Dear Joker

• "Both of us trying to find meaning in a meaningless world! Why be a disfigured outcast when I can be a notorious Crime God? Why be an orphaned boy when you can be a superhero?" - Batman #663

• "You can't kill me without becoming like me! I can't kill you without losing the only human being who can keep up with me! Isn't it IRONIC?" - Batman #663

• " The real joke is your stubborn, bone deep conviction that somehow, somewhere, all of this makes sense! That's what cracks me up each time!" - Batman #681

• "You think it all breaks down into symbolism and structures and hints and clues. No, Batman, that's just Wikipedia. You actually believed all it would take is a few chemicals, a couple of days of drug-induced isolation and a cheap little nervous breakdown and you'd have me all figured out? Like there was some rabbit hole you could follow me down to understanding?" - Batman #681

• "You really want to know what it feels like to be the clown at midnight? Where there's only ever one joke and it's always on you? Well, here you are. Now do you get it?" - Batman #681

• "Devil is double is deuce, my dear doctor ... and joker trumps deuce." Batman #681

• "Obvious...And everybody knows. You wear your shame like a badge, because you don't have the balls to actually pin one on.... Yes... Just look at you... Desperate to be feared, you want to be perceived as a monster, draped in black... And yet... You leave that little window... A glimpse at the perfection underneath. OBVIOUS; The chiseled jaw, the mouth of a monster... Why do you let it be seen? Tell me why...... - Joker

• (singing) "When the world is full of care and every headline screams despair, when the news are rape, starvation, war and life is vile...then there's a certain thing I do which I shall pass along to you that's always guaranteed to make me smile. I go Loo-oo-oony, as a lightbulb battered bug, simply Loo-oo-oony, sometimes foam and chew the rug...mister life is swell in a padded cell, it'll chase those blues away! You can trade your gloom for a rubber room and injections twice a day!" - The Killing Joke

• "A bit of advice...don't ever apologize to no one for the way you look" - Joker

• "I am the Champion of the WORLD!"- Elseworlds: Batman/Lobo

• "Laugh, clown, laugh...and laugh again! The police are completely at bay! Batman is baying at the moon! No one can beat the Joker! Soon, now...soon they'll see it my way! They'll know I mean what I say! Today, the American fish... and tomorrow all the fish in the world! But...what if everybody stops eating fish? I hadn't thought of that! What if they all conspire against me...leave my Joker-Fish in the sea? But no...that would never work! The VEGETARIANS wouldn't go along! And anyway...I could use my chemicals on cattle! JOKER-BURGERS! OUTRAGEOUS! - Detective Comics #476

• "Howdy, Stan, the Donutz man! This is a stickup, see? (holds two donuts up to his eyes like a mask) - Laughter After Midnight

• "Here's the cold, hard truth Bats...I don't hate you 'cause I'm crazy...I'm crazy 'cause I hate you. " - Batman: Cacophony

Lady Shiva

• "I believe in letting people do as they wish, as do I myself. Sometimes, of course, what I wish to do is kill them and they do not wish to die. This gives life interest." - The Question #29

• "Murder by disease. No art in it. No soul. Such a decadent way to kill." - Robin (limited series) #2

• "I cannot destroy you unless you permit me to." - The Question #36

• "I'm a warrior, not a murderer." - Batgirl #8

• "Karma. That I understand." - Batgirl #25

• "I am not allowing you to pass out. I want your men to see you beg. Then you will apologize with a pain you will remember always." - Birds of Prey #62

• "I answer this with blood and pain and cold, damp graves for my enemies." - Birds of Prey #62

• "That's the problem with the amateurs -- the histrionics. No sense of grace at all." - Birds of Prey #63

• "Perhaps death is just a little bit afraid of me." - Birds of Prey #63

• "All this ceremony, and the truth is: the body decays, the spirit is lost. It means nothing. Ashes or earth, I hardly see the significance of where they lay your corpse." - Birds of Prey #68

• "A baby? Certainly. I've had dozens of babies!! [Laughing] I've dropped litters in every corner of the globe!!" - Batman: A Death in the Family

• I care nothing for what happens or how I am remembered after death. To prove myself the best in life...that is my passion." - Batman #509

Mr. Freeze

• "Of course, I know about bad luck... that's one of the lessons that this city teaches us all, eventually." - Gotham Central #1

The Penguin

• "The Penguin flies ever alone!" - Detective Comics #611

• "A perfect crime is a work of art, a thing of beauty, and a joy forever, to paraphrase the Bard!" - Detective Comics #611

• "Where's the thrill in committing the perfect crime if nobody knows it was you?" - Detective Comics #611

• "Despite the monetary wherewithal to indulge one's palate, your epicurean tastes run to the mundane. While I, on the other hand, intend to fill my gullet — until I have feted my ravenous appetite!" - Batman: Haunted Knight

• "Ahh... the Batman. While I have an affection for most flying creatures... the winged rat is not among them." - Batman: Haunted Knight

• (to Batman and Robin) "Why can't you two get a day job?" - Batman #572

• "Fortunately the Penguin is a wise old bird — never one to put all his eggs into one basket." - Detective Comics #824

• (To Black Canary) "Look at me. No woman in the world ever gets drunk enough, and believe me, I've tried." - Birds of Prey Secret Files & Origins

Poison Ivy

• "I hate this city. Nothing grows here." - Batman: Poison Ivy

• "Some things are worth dying for, Batman." - Detective Comics #752

• "I don't do that, Harley. I don't save people. I'm poison, remember?" - Harley Quinn #13

• "I have no interest in your deals. No interest in you, in any of you, on the outside. This park, this is Gotham now... its future. Reclaimed by nature, pure without mankind's assaults. It is a sanctuary now, and I am guardian. I will not let it be defiled. Not by anyone. Certainly not by you. Leave." - Shadow of the Bat #88

• "Suicidal men adore me." - Batman & Poison Ivy: Cast Shadows

• "I hate men. Because of what they do. They clip. They prune. They make us remake ourselves into what they want. A Madonna. A whore. A partner. A foe. And we do it. Because we need." - Solo #6

• (Batman about Poison Ivy) "There's a no man's land between love and hate. Between passion and obsession -- where it's easy to lose all sense of reality -- and in doing so, lose yourself. Somewhere in that emotional minefield... Pamela Isley wanders." - Legends of the Dark Knight #43

• "You're always responsible for the things you create." - Batman: Poison Ivy

• "Hello, lover. Long time, so see." - Batman: Haunted Knight

• "May your hell be a green one!" - Batman: Shadow of the Bat #56

• "Thoughtless. Worthless. Stupid. Man." - Batman: Hush

• "I'm an eco-terrorist of global importance. I make a contribution." - Gotham Girls

• (To Harley) "If I hear one more word out of you, just one, I swear I'll cram fast growing cactus seeds UP YOUR TUCHUS!" - Gotham Girls

• (To Harley) "Did you order explosives online again?" - Gotham Girls

• (To Harley) "Will 'sorry' bring back my beloved barrel cactus?" - Gotham City Sirens #5

• (To Harley) "Now if I could have a second of what I laughably refer to as your attention..." Harley and Ivy #3

Ra's al Ghul

• "Detective, as you know, I am cursed with a love for emptiness... desolation. It is a beauty to which my soul responds... as pure, as untainted as the deserts of my birth. I deem it my mission to purify this planet, to restore it to its former beauty... a mission I will brook no interference in." - Batman: Son of the Demon

• "The only thing that thrives outside these walls are the six billion shortsighted parasites who continue to ravage our planet’s natural resources. On its own, humanity is a destructive force. It needs a master." - JLA: Tower of Babel

• "Whoever said a picture was worth a thousand words... is about to see just how badly he miscounted." - JLA: Tower of Babel

• "Everything I have done, I do for the greater good." - Batman: Death and the Maidens

The Riddler

• "Life's full of questions, isn't it, Batman? Though, naturally, I prefer to think of them as riddles." - Batman: Dark Knight, Dark City, part 1

• "Riddle me this, What's black and blue and bleeds profusely?" - Gotham City Sirens

• "I used to be a somebody in this town. Now everybody has a gimmick. I was going to show them all. And I did." - Batman: Hush

• "The Lazarus Pit gives you a unique kind of... clarity. Riddle me this: Who is that under Batman's mask? And now, the world is my oyster. Right, Bruce?" - Batman: Hush

• "Question: How many times have you beaten me? Answers: Five. Ten. A hundred! But... question: What is Batman's greatest defeat? Answer: The death of Robin. Didn't like having your nose rubbed in it, did you?" - Batman: Hush

• "That is a riddle, isn't it?" - Batman: Hush

• "The mastermind always wants more. It's criminal nature." - Detective Comics #828

• "It's a mystery. Broken into a jigsaw puzzle. Wrapped in a conundrum. Hidden in a Chinese box. A riddle." - Batman: The Long Halloween

• "When does a killer... not kill?"- Batman: The Long Halloween

• "You don't understand... I really didn't want to leave you any clues. I really planned never to go back to Arkham Asylum. But I left you a clue anyway. So I... I have to go back there. Because I might need help. I... I might actually be crazy." - Batman: Gotham Adventures

• "I'm the goddamn Riddler! I'm not crazy!" - Batman #686

• (On being called a poor-man's Joker by Harley) "I am nothing like the Joker! Why does everybody keep saying that?! That clown is only interested in mirth, mayhem and murder! I, on the other hand, live for mental challenges! Games of wit! The chance to outsmart worthy opponents!" - Harley Quinn #6: "Who Wants to Rob a Millionaire?"

• "What's happened to us? The Joker's killing people, for Christ's sake!" - "Harley Quinn #6: "Who Wants to Rob a Millionaire?"

• (inside a museum that Batman has broken into trying to beat Riddler to a prized artifact. Riddler wasn't there though, but now he is) "Strapped to a bomb, leashed to a pesky reporter, battered, bruised, outnumbered, outsmarted, and personally granting your greatest enemy access to the very thing you were attempting to keep him from. I'm hazarding a guess here, but... not exactly the way you'd imagined this turning out, is it, sweetheart?" - Legends of the Dark Knight: "Riddle Me That"

• "The future is a riddle only time can solve." - Joker's Asylum II #1: "The House The Cards Built"

The Scarecrow

• "I know an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, she didn't know what to do. She gave them some broth but gave them no bread. And she beat them and whipped them and put them to bed." - Batman: Haunted Knight

• "Professor Crane isn't here right now. But, if you'd like an appointment?" - Batman: Haunted Knight (also said in Batman Begins)

• "Oh yes, Heaven, father. From where no amount of praying ever draws Him out. 'God in Heaven!' 'God in Heaven!' 'Thank God in Heaven I don't look like that!' - Batman/Scarecrow: Year One

• "I once knew a man whose dog told him to cut his entire family into pieces. Bark. Bark. Bark. BARK!" - Batman: Haunted Knight

• "Knick Knack, Paddy Whack, Give a dog a bone!"- Batman: Haunted Knight

• "Hush little baby, don't say a word.."- Batman: Hush - volume 2

• "Scream. Scream. Or I will make you scream." - Batman #630

Talia al Ghul

• (to Batman) "Beloved, you give too much thought to what is real and what is not, to what is true and what is false. I realize that is your way, but just this once, accept things as they are. Forego your control, your discipline. Just once, let yourself go... and take me with you." - Batman: Son of the Demon

• (to Batman) "What's wrong with you, Dark Knight? Why is facing psychopathic super-villians so much easier than facing your own emotions?" - Batman: The Resurrection of Ra's al Ghul #1

Two-Face

• (after killing Carmine Falcone) "Two shots to the head. If you ask me, it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy." - Batman: The Long Halloween

• "I did what needs to be done." - Batman: The Long Halloween

• "How much longer did you think I would let the Falcone family tear Gotham in half? Splitting this city between good and evil. My city." -Batman: The Long Halloween

• "Can a man live two lives?" - Batman: The Long Halloween

• "The moon is so beautiful. It's a big silver dollar, flipped by God." (Starts to cry.) "And it landed scarred side up, see? So He made the world." - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

• "I am a lawyer. Yes. We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice. Insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure of the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity. God bless America." - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

• "I am a liar. No. We the acid scarred victims of history of evil and hypocrisy exalt criminals to office. Vietnam, El Salvador, Chile with lovely missiles, roaring bombs of the rich and the white and the pious and burn children and torture women. Forever and ever, amen. God bless America." - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

• (After coming into Vernon's office) "You believe in the justice system, don't you, Vernon? You didn't spend all those years in Law School for nothing, right? Then you know, justice has two sides. Innocent or guilty. Like this coin. One side clean. The other side scarred." -- Batman: The Long Halloween

• "You see, Harvey Dent was one of the good guys. Being good in this town means you need guts. You gotta' be tough. You gotta' do things that aren't in the lawbooks. The bat didn't have the stomach for it. He punked out on Harvey. The great outlaw protector of Gotham hid behind Lady Justice's skirts. But she's blind for a reason, brat. 'Cause she doesn't see what needs to be done in her name. I wanted you to understand that. Before it's all over, I wanted you to know. It wasn't me that killed you. It was the bat." - Robin - Year One

See also

Other quotable characters

Allies

Robin
BatGirl
Dick Grayson/Nightwing
James Gordon
Barbara Gordon
Huntress

Enemies

Anarky
The Joker
The Riddler
The Penguin
Two Face
Hush
Scarecrow

External Links

• Batman Quotes at the DC Database
• Batman at the Comic Book Database
• Batman-on-film.com
• Aaron Severson's The Golden Age Batman Chronology