Grief-Feel it to Heal it.

Britain’s Prince Harry recently came out to talk about mental health, in connection with the death of his mother at age 12 in 1997. It is also well reported that he, along with his brother and sister-in-law, William and Kate, are advocates for mental health.

In his interview with Bryony Gordon’s ‘Mad World’ Podcast (4/19/17), he stated that he did not want to think about his mother after her death for fear it would make him sad. Complicating factors for him included the media and side stories around her life and death. His method of coping was “…sticking my head in the sand”. He claims that not dealing with the loss led to “total chaos” in his 20’s, and had a “serious effect” on his personal and work life. He speaks very highly of finally having a place to work on his grief; and states a realization that by being open about his grief he has joined a very large club.

This is such an important message! Thank you Prince Harry, for sharing this story. In my experience counseling clients in times of grief, this is very common response. Many feel that they will fall into a deep hole and never emerge. Others feel they are not permitted to grieve. This lack of permission may stem from family of origin not talking about difficult topics to having to function on a daily basis. There are families to take care of, jobs to hold down, school to attend, and so on.

However, the grief is not going away. It’s festering inside. If one does not allow it to come out, it will catch up with you. It may show up as physical pains or illnesses, increased use of substances, anger, acting out, and many more feelings and behaviors. Many times, it shows up later when another loss occurs. The key message is that time does not heal, actions do!

How do you know if you need professional help? Anyone who has suffered a loss is a good candidate for counseling individually or in a group setting. There is a lot of information about grief that is very helpful to learn and know; and a professional can help you work through your specific situation. This may cover thoughts and feelings you have that feel unfamiliar to you, guilt, anger, confusion, shame, depression, anxiety, balancing your grief with other loved ones, and much more. For many people, individual brief therapy or group therapy of 5-10 sessions works well to have someone listen to you, and to assist you in talking through the loss and ‘new normal’.

For others, grief may be complicated by additional factors. These include physical heath, pre-existing mental health concerns such as depression or anxiety, financial impact, major lifestyle changes, family dynamics, and much more that the bereaved must handle in addition to the loss of a loved one.

If you are questioning any of this for yourself, reach out to an experienced grief counselor for a consultation to explore what may be helpful for you. It is also possible to find help through a local hospice organization or crisis centers. No two grief stories are identical, and having a place to share yours should aid on the path to healing.