A Former Ridgefield Mom Battles Back Against The Greatest Nightmare

RIDGEFIELD, CT — It was every mother's nightmare, multiplied by a million. In July 2014, Ridgefield resident Lindsey Rogers-Seitz's 15-month-old son Benjamin died in a hot car when her husband forgot to take him to daycare.

Read that again and ask yourself: How do you ever recover? Is it even possible?

According to Rogers-Seitz it is, but the scabs you peel away in the process can hurt nearly as much as the wounds.

"Sometimes you become an expert on a topic you wish you could have just remained ignorant about," she said.

Making the journey even more difficult was her own dread, her fear of the known. Rogers-Seitz spent the better part of her young adulthood in and out of mental hospitals, having been diagnosed with manic depression and bipolar disorder in her early 20s. She understood immediately that she would be battling it again after Ben died.

She credits her husband for getting her through that gauntlet intact.

"We're soul partners who are supposed to be together to support each other when we really need it. So that played a role in my support for him after Ben died."

Of course 'The System' did its best to make things worse, it's what 'The System' does. Rogers-Seitz said that when the officials investigating her son's death learned that she had a history of bipolar disorder, they began a "parallel investigation" of her.

But she wasn't having it.

"I really pushed back on that. I wasn't only trying to stand up for my rights, but stand up for the other people who would experience this as well," she told Patch.

The 9-year journey of mental recovery wasn't all "Eye of The Tiger." Rogers-Seitz said she made her share of mistakes and miscalculations.

"I didn't do a good job of actually allowing myself to go through the motions of grief," she said. "I think I numbed myself in many ways that first year and even the years after that. And I think it's really important that you allow yourself to feel all the emotions that you need to, with the grief, so you can work with it. Live with it, and try to process everything, so you can come out and really begin healing, which is just so vital."

Nearly one in ten Americans suffer from depression. The illness targets adolescents and young adults especially, according to a study published online in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine. The disease is very often fatal: About 7 out of every hundred men and 1 out of every hundred women who have been diagnosed with depression will go on to commit suicide.

What can a nation crippled by depression learn from her? She suggests we start by reducing the stigma associated with mental illness.

"One thing I am doing now is working with businesses and law firms to better support those with psychiatric disabilities. I think speaking out or raising awareness is one of the first things we can do."

Rogers-Seitz said her work with advocacy group Kids and Car Safety, begun very shortly after Ben died, has gained quite a bit of traction.

"In 2021, some legislation was carved into the infrastructure bill requiring car manufacturers to have devices that remind you to check the backseat. So there's really been a lot of progress. But there's obviously even more work to be done."

Trained as a lawyer, Rogers-Seitz said she walked away from that line of work in January.

"I had an epiphany and just understood that that was not my purpose in life. I felt like I wasn't really adding anything to society and fulfilling what I felt like Ben's purpose was, and what my purpose in life could be."

Rogers-Seitz, her husband, and two daughters moved to Colorado shortly after Ben's death. Her attention full-time now is "to get the message out about mental illness and stigma, and the concepts of hope and love and forgiveness." She just released her memoir and manifesto, The Gift of Ben: Loving through Imperfection, coinciding with the start of Mental Health Awareness Month.

But the author said no matter how much public awareness is raised, no matter how much society learns to accept mental illness without stigma, your battle against your demon will always be mano a mano:

"Sometimes it does take having a breakdown, like I did, to really know that you've got to change and help yourself and accept yourself, which is a really long journey."