Post-Capture Interview With Chicago's Gator, Chance The Snapper

CHICAGO, IL — "It was early. Too early for my liking. I could hear the helicopters overhead. I felt like I could get away for a few hours and then it just happened," Chance the Snapper, the Humboldt Park gator sat behind bars, naked except for the bright red plaid bowtie he wore to a press conference after he was caught and "taken into custody" early Tuesday.

Chance's capture left the city stunned. In the aftermath, Patch was able to gain access to the famed Humboldt Park Gator, whose current whereabouts are confidential. (OK, fine: He's over at the Chicago Department of Animal Care and Control until he can be moved to an alligator sanctuary)

In a bare room with spearmint green concrete brick walls and a single light bulb, Chance sat at a foldable plastic table, maintaining his composure as a handler removed the tape around his mouth so he could talk to me.

He reached for the paper cup of cold black coffee in front of him and took a solemn sip before he began speaking.

Patch: You've been described as a "beautiful, beautiful alligator" that "appears to be healthy in nature." Do you think they get you?

Chance the Snapper: I don’t think anyone will ever truly get me besides the wonderful people of Chicago.

Patch: How do you feel about your newfound fame?

Chance the Snapper: I’m loving it. I’ve been gearing up to sing take me out to the ball game and maybe even give skateboarding another try.

P: What were you eating while you were in the lagoon? There was even an event to feed you cheeseburgers.

CTS: There was? I didn’t even get one.

P: What do you think of all the events that you inspired? There was "feed The Bean to the gator," "feed cheeseburgers to the gator," "swim with the gator." Which event was your favorite?

CTS: I would have loved to have eaten that bean. Seemed a little big though. Honestly all this attention had me feeling very special.

P: Please share an original inspirational quote that will help inspire Chicago in the wake of your capture.

CTS: Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.

P: What's next for you?

CTS: Only time will tell. Hopefully I get a spot at one of the local zoos so I can hang out with other alligators. It gets lonely having an entire park to yourself.

P: I'm not saying this would happen, but if Chicago offered to bribe you to find out who put you in the lagoon or where you first came from, would you inform them?

CTS: Never. I would never snitch.

P: What's a song that you want people to think of you when they hear? Why?

CTS: Band on the Run by Paul McCartney and Wings of Power by Kanye West. I think they speak for themselves, just listen to the songs.

P: What was your favorite part of the past week. Have you learned any lessons?

CTS: The only thing I learned is that it felt great bringing all these people together. Since being on Twitter I noticed it’s a pretty divided time we live in and it felt great to see people not be negative towards each other for a change.

P: Parting words of wisdom?

CTS: Thank you for all the support but don’t forget to support the local vendors in the park. Support local artists and if you’re buying any alligator merch, make sure it’s from the original artist that created the design and not a copycat artist.

Then, with a sly grin on his face, he added, "Maybe I’ll see you all next summer."

A NOTE TO READERS: The alligator who uses the @ParkGator Twitter was not interviewed for this piece. His agent, Jon Torres, was. Torres, a Chicago-based standup comic created and runs the @ParkGator page.