How The Practice Of Gratitude Transformed My Life

BOSTON, MA - Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday as an adult. It is a time when everyone takes a pause to reunite with loved ones and reflect on the things in life for which they are grateful.

It’s also the one day I can overindulge with friends over a sumptuous turkey dinner and homemade fixings without guilt – but I digress.

I always have considered myself to be a grateful person. I was brought up to say "please" and "thank you" and truthfully mean those words rather than use these terms as a reflex response.

My whole attitude about gratitude shifted when I met Michael Ian Cedar, a New York City leadership and fulfilment coach, while covering a story a couple of years ago. In addition to coaching top corporate executives, he started a Facebook community called Gratitude Slam.

Over the course of the pandemic, this group has blossomed from a few hundred to more than 2,000 members. It also generated a group coaching program called Life on Your Terms, or LOYT for short.

Before I started participating in the Gratitude Slam, I already knew I had a lot to be thankful for. More than 25 years ago, I flatlined during a status epilepticus seizure and was technically dead for a few minutes. I was placed into a medically induced coma to preserve brain function. My mother was told I would never make it through the night, and even if I did, I would most likely never walk and talk again.

I beat the odds. I emerged from the coma a month later. After extensive physical and occupational therapy, I returned to my career as a community journalist with an added sense of passion and duty to capture people’s experiences. I consider the extra half of my life as a tremendous gift.

I was a survivor. Despite that, my self-esteem took a bit of a nosedive because of the pain I have endured and the treatment I experienced from others because of my medical conditions.

I joined Gratitude Slam shortly before the COVID-19 outbreak. That was when I realized what I thought was gratitude was a response to negative events rather than realizing the joy in the smallest of circumstances.

The need to appreciate became even more apparent at the beginning of COVID-19. The sense of isolation and fear of the unknown were palpable with myself and my friends. This was when I became a member of LOYT and changed the trajectory of my life. I was able to transform my perspective, find a great new home and begin working for Patch as a Massachusetts freelance regional editor.

In a recent Zoom interview from New York City, Cedar reflected on his mission to spread the concept of gratitude through the Gratitude Slam.

“I’ve always leaned towards wanting to serve people and helping them to feel good about themselves,” he said. “In my earlier years, that definitely backfired on me. I mistook my desire to making people feel good about themselves as people pleasing and not rocking the boat.”

He was exposed to what he called “radical thoughts” by age 8, when his father would play cassettes of motivational speakers such as Brian Tracy and Tony Robbins in the car.

In his early years in leadership positions, Cedar described himself as “a cheerleader and not a truth leader.”

Although he said he never has been diagnosed with depression, Cedar said he had “unjustified bouts of very dark periods of my life for a very long periods of time.” He decided to seek out the best in these situations, which led to his pursuit of gratitude and optimism rather than medical treatment.

“Optimism comes from the word 'optimum', which means the best thing,” he explained. “I was always looking for the best in these dark situations, and that sort of became a habit.”

As Cedar integrated new coping mechanisms into his own life, he decided to coach others in the practice of gratitude, ultimately leading to the Gratitude Slam Facebook group. He originally came online in a platform called Periscope on July 9, 2015, where he built up a community of people who embraced gratitude. When Facebook Live was created, he decided to start his own group, originally entitled “The Worldwide Gratitude Slam.”

“Creating this group was my coping mechanism for the darkness,” he said. Every Tuesday morning at 8:01 a.m. EST, Cedar explores different perspectives on being grateful despite difficulties by focusing on motivation, optimism and things that are within a person’s control. Throughout the week, there are questions that provoke participants to examine situations and share their experiences.

During the pandemic, he said the movement exploded as people searched for a sense of normalcy and control in an ever-evolving situation. Members served as a support system at a time of isolation by communicating on the group’s Facebook page.

“The questions I put out there are to focus people on what they have control over,” he said. “That helps build a practice, which then becomes a habit. That controls how we respond.”

From that point, LOYT classes began on Zoom during the pandemic. Participants from as far away as Australia joined the group to learn how to better cope with life’s challenges and incorporate daily gratitude. By focusing on what they learned from each other, a collective mind shift occurred where people sought the best outcomes from the most challenging situation in recent memory.

While COVID-19 has been extremely frustrating, I also looked for the positives. I was able to work from home at a time when many lost their jobs. I couldn’t see loved ones in person, but I was able to join group Zoom events and parties with friends across the country, including a reunion with high school friends I hadn’t seen in decades. I sought a better work situation that allowed me to work virtually, whereas before I would not have taken a chance to step outside of my comfort zone.

“Living life on your terms allows you to show up for everyone stronger because you’re choosing where to bring your attention,” Cedar said. “I find that I am rarely in a dark space anymore because I look at a situation and say, ‘What is it here to teach me?’

“Gratitude is responsiveness, while focusing only on what you don't have is reactionary,” he continued. “When you focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have, it creates positive momentum.”

Cedar explained that gratitude is not a synonym for happiness.

“We throw around the term ‘gratitude’ so loosely, especially at this time of year,” Cedar said. “But gratitude is a lifestyle choice that allows you to sit in any aspect of your life optimally, not in a sunshiny way.”

He noted that, because of our survival instinct, humans are “programmed to think negatively.”

“Whoever said, ‘Happiness is a choice' was a very mean person,” Cedar said. “Happiness is a by-product of gratitude. Monks are happy, and they have nothing.”

Cedar gave an example of experiencing the death of a friend to illustrate his point.

“I can sit here and grieve and feel awful,” he said. “But I can choose to focus on the fact that I got a chance to experience her love and the memories. And it doesn’t mean that I can’t be sad or angry. I can just move through it more quickly.”

With the polarization in our current culture, Cedar said he hopes more people will turn to being grateful rather than angry.

“Gratitude in today’s world is a lot of work,” Cedar said. “But it’s far more rewarding than living a life of pessimism. Happiness is on the other side.

“Just as Valentine’s Day is not the only day I love my wife, Thanksgiving does not have to the only day to express gratitude,” he stressed. “I look at Thanksgiving as a tipping of the hat and using the energy of the day to acknowledge gratitude.”

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and thanks for reading.