Bullying Stops Now

What comes to mind when you think of bullying? Some people think about verbal teasing at school,while others think of physical violence. However, bullying goes a lot deeper than most of us realize. Bullying isn't just something little kids or teens do, either.

There are many instances of adult bullying every day. For example, one local woman reported she was being bullied at work, just like a child being bullied at school. She said her co-workers would make fun of her mistakes, find ways to put her down, and just mistreat her. This constant torment often sent her home crying.

But bullying is most prominent, and well-documented, in child-centric environments. There are many types of bullying. Some examples are:

•Cyberbullying

•Physical violence

•Insults

•Shunning

And there are still many more kinds of bullying.

In a case of bullying, you can be one of the five following: Victim, Bully, Bystander, Upstander, or Unaware. Bullying is not OK, and it can change the way a Victim thinks about themselves forever. Allowing their actions to continue unchecked can also make the bully think that sort of behavior is acceptable and can continue.

When you think about bullying, you think you would be an Upstander, correct? Or at the least, a bystander. But, throughout our lives, many of us actually play the roll of bully in someone else's life. At the thought of yourself being a bully, you might scoff and say that's ridiculous, or that you would never bully anyone. But have you ever said something like, "Jane Doe is so weird. I never want to be in her group." Or "Jessica is always so bad at her job. If I have to work on the project with her, I swear I'll quit!"? Did you know that this kind of thinking can turn into bullying? Thinking critical thoughts about someone can make you feel negative while around them and can cause you to treat them poorly as well. I admit that after some reflection on this, I have definitely treated someone unfairly because I didn't like them. To prevent this issue, try focusing on good aspects of people you harbor negative feelings for.

Think about instances in your life where you might be treating someone unfairly. If you really can't find a time that this would be happening, work with a friend or child to identify people they might be unintentionally bullying. Who do you dislike? How do you talk to them? If they asked you to play/go out for coffee/sit with you at lunch/anything, how would you react and what would you say? How do you treat them, and how might it make them feel? Do you think the way you treat this person is how you would appreciate being treated?

After thinking about and even talking about this with someone, it's time to take a stand. Think of a way to make up for what you have done and end it for once and for all. Keep in mind that bullying should always be addressed with an in-person apology. Some more ideas include:

• Teasing - Make a card including good qualities and an apology, maybe even an invitation to lunch or other activity.

•Cyberbullying - Cyberbullying is serious and, in some cases, illegal. If you have created a fake account and/or posted about someone, for example, you should immediately post a sincere apology and a statement admitting to anything you said that was untrue.

•Physical Bullying - This is extremely serious and very hard to make up to someone. You will need to identity ways to make the Victim feel safer.

And, as you know, you could very well be a Victim. As a Victim, you cannot let this stand. Identify the way(s) you have been bullied. Talk to someone you trust, even though it will be difficult, because it is crucial to work through your emotions. Then, work with someone you trust to develop a plan to address the situation. If you were:

•Teased - Talk to a counselor, or boss, and then to the person themselves, if it is safe to do so, and tell them how you feel.

•Shunned - Join other activities to socialize and make friends. Try to make friends with new people who treat you respectfully.

If you found an instance where you are being bullied, or are bullying someone, be an Upstander. Do something listed above, try out your own ideas, or find others on-line to end bullying from either side. Once you have, share it with us! Add a comment with more ideas or steps you're planning to take to end bullying!

In contributing your ideas or maybe even actions, you are supporting me in my Take Action Project for Girl Scouts. My project is a service to the community to end bullying.

-Cayly Fishbein, Take Action Project for Girl Scout Troop 40500