Timing Is Everything

Recently, I went to an event that I wished I didn’t have to be at. The room was crowded with people, good food in the back, beers and drinks in hand as we mingled, and every single one of us wished we didn’t have to be there. It was a Celebration of Life for the husband of a beloved colleague who died unexpectedly at the age of 39. Cardiac arrest. Gone. Just. Like. That.

We grieved for our friend in the helpless, awkward and completely inadequate ways that are customary for events like this; we signed the guest book, wrote something more personal to be read later that felt utterly lame but hoped conveyed our love and support. I hugged the widow and cried with her, saying nothing at all.

Then we gathered in small clumps to talk. We lamented about the unfairness of life and loss, the abrupt and random things that can happen that leave worlds changed forever. Then progressed to jobs and houses, kids and family, in the pleasant and seamless ways only a true Minnesotan can, took a last sip of our drink shaking our heads, then parted ways.

An unexpected death has a way to make us think about the things we are grateful for. And often, take for granted. How many times have we thought about a friend, a work colleague, or family member but we never let them know? We might remember they are about to have an important meeting, just nailed a big project, or are struggling with a hard decision. We think about them and stay silent. Not our style. They don’t want to be bothered. We’ll see them in a week. Whatever our reasons, the moment passes and they never know they were in our hearts.

The older I get, the more I understand how complex and varied loss can be. Death is only one of them. I never know when I am experiencing my last family gathering, or performance, or laugh with a really good friend. None of us do. Which is why I am taking this moment to encourage you to just say it, as often as you can. Good luck! Congratulations! Or simply, thinking of you.

I’m lucky to have friends who give me encouragement. It often comes when I need it most and I am always grateful to know I am not alone in life. That someone is wishing me well, thinking of me during a difficult time, or wanting to celebrate all the good and beautiful things life has to offer with me. I try and do the same, sending texts and emails and phone calls, full of sentiment and mischief.

We never know when our time is up with the people we care about. When the moment might be the last.

Don’t wait to tell them something good.

This blog is dedicated to a beloved colleague and friend going through an incredible loss. You are in my heart.