Ease Kids' Back-To-School Anxiety: 'Don't Assume'

ROCKLAND COUNTY, NY — The transition from summer to the structure of the school year can often trigger anxiety in children. Whether it's anticipation of new teachers, buildings, or social dynamics, the start of school can create stress in many young minds.

"Every year children receive a new boss — that’s their teacher. Sometimes they’re excited because they didn’t like their teacher last year, sometimes they’re not because they did," Tara Brock, a counselor and coordinator with the Rockland Behavioral Health Response Team, told Patch.

Children don’t always know why they are feeling a certain way, she said. "So the more you communicate, the better. Don’t dismiss their concerns, ask open-ended questions."

For example, she said, "How was your day?" is a better question than "What did you learn in school today?"

"The answer to the latter is always 'nothing,'" she said. "Chances are anyway they are going to say 'fine' but you showed an interest. Over the course of the evening, the week, they’ll share because they know you want to know. It also shows them how to have conversations. Soon they might ask, 'How was your day, Mommy?'"

Parents to be cognizant that the COVID pandemic hampered a lot of children from practicing how to talk to other people easily. "That could cause anxiety for a kid who was already a little shy," she said.

Brock said she counsels older children and teens who had almost no interaction with peers for a couple of years except for video games and who don’t know how to talk to other people at lunch. "We role-play," she said.

Her top advice to adults? "Don’t assume. Communicate," Brock said. "Identify the times when they are chattier and create more of those opportunities. Go for family walks. Sometimes you need to have private conversations."

She offered five tips to help adults help kids ease into the school year:

1. Effective Communication: One of the most important steps is to open a channel of communication with your child. Talk to them about their expectations and fears related to the upcoming school year. Sit down and have an honest conversation, asking them how they are feeling and what they might be worried about. Validating their emotions and concerns lets them know that their feelings are acknowledged and understood. And often just talking about their fears can help reduce anxiety.
2. Providing Relaxation Time: As the back-to-school season approaches, make sure to balance their schedules with plenty of relaxation time. Offer them activities they enjoy to unwind, such as reading, drawing, playing a favorite game or getting outside. Additionally, create something for them to look forward to on weekends, whether it's a family outing, a movie night, or a special treat. This not only helps reduce anxiety but also instills a sense of excitement amidst their routine.
3. Family Check-Ins: Establish a daily routine of having family check-ins. A simple "How was your day?" can do wonders. Encourage your child to share their experiences and feelings. This practice not only keeps you informed about their emotional state but also reassures them that they have a supportive space to express themselves.
4. Private Conversations: While family check-ins are beneficial, it's equally important to speak to your child individually. This allows them to express their feelings in a private setting, which might encourage them to open up more about their worries and anxieties. Sometimes, children might not feel comfortable sharing with siblings, so providing this one-on-one time can be immensely helpful.
5. Setting Attainable Goals: Another effective approach is to encourage your child to set small, attainable goals for the school year. These goals serve as guiding lights, providing a sense of direction and accomplishment. By breaking down larger aspirations into smaller, manageable tasks, children gain a clearer perspective on their journey. Achieving these smaller milestones boosts their confidence and reminds them that progress is within their grasp. This practice not only aids in alleviating back-to-school anxiety but also cultivates vital skills like planning, perseverance, and self-motivation that will benefit them far beyond the classroom.

Parents might have anxiety about children going back to school as well, Brock noted. Remember to speak with your spouse or friends about your own concerns and participate in activities that help encourage your own healthy mindset. Many of the strategies outlined above work well for adults too.

Bullying is one of those problems that worry children and the adults who care for them.

"Social media can be awful," Brock said. The number one way to deal with that is to look at what your kids are doing online. "It may be the child’s device but it’s yours," she said. "If they don’t want their guardian to see it, it shouldn’t be on there, would be my rule of thumb."