7 Signs You Might Be Over-Parenting

I have an only child, which means he's getting showered with love, attention and support all day long. This also means that he’s getting spoiled rotten. Gulp.

There is no doubt that I have the tendency to overdo it when parenting our 3-year-old. I've even been guilty of massaging his feet and feeding him his favorite lunch — blueberries and pasta pesto — as he watches Netflix.

I know, I have issues. And I’m only in the midst of toddler world — I've seen many parents take overdoing it to the next level as their children get older. They do everything and anything they can to raise the “perfect” child, from enrolling them in every after-school activity possible to taking them on extravagant vacations. But is this behavior doing more harm than good?

James Breakwell is an author and father of four who recently wrote a buzz-worthy book called "Bare Minimum Parenting." In it, he offers criticism of today's over-parenting culture. "All that extra effort seems pointless since most kids grow up to lead equally ordinary lives," he writes. "Since all kids all end up about the same, I wanted to write a book about how to get your kid to that point with the least effort possible ... I honestly think your kid will be better off in the long run if you relax and do less than if you stress out and do more."

According to Breakwell, these are some signs that might suggest you're a little too involved in your child's life:

• You’ve canceled major holidays to accommodate your child’s traveling sports schedule.
• Your only hobby is your kid.
• Your kid’s teacher lets out a heavy sigh every time they hear from you.
• You’ve never thought about what your life will be like when your kid grows up and moves out.
• You argue about parenting with other people on the internet.
• You make your kid see a tutor for more hours a week than they see you.
• You don't know your child's hopes and dreams, but do know their GPA down to two decimal points.

Many parents, myself included, are guilty of at least a couple of these bullet points. So why do we push ourselves and our children so hard?

Breakwell thinks social media is partly to blame, saying sites like Facebook create unrealistic expectations of children and parents. “I post a 'perfect' picture of my family, and then you post a 'perfect' picture of yours. It’s all a carefully curated fiction, yet people fall for it and feel pressured to keep up. It’s an echo chamber of lies," he says.

He does have a point. Keeping up with the little Joneses does have new meaning these days, thanks to Facebook and Instagram (my favorite and also most hated time wasters).

But the good news is even if you are guilty of over-parenting, this doesn't mean you are going to turn your child into an impossible person who expects the world to serve them berries — at least, not according to Breakwell.

He tells me, “I don’t know that affection will necessarily backfire. You just have to remember that your child is an independent person with their own hopes and dreams. You’re part of their story, but you’re not their entire story. Make sure they have free time to pursue their own interests independent of what you want for them."

However, Breakwell does have a few words of warning: "No matter how great of a parent you are, someday your kid will be a teenager and think you’re the worst. Brace yourself.”

I guess that’s true. Yesterday while in his room, my boy yelled, “Leave me alone!” This had never happened before, and I suddenly flashed forward to him at 17. So while I might need to curb my motherly enthusiasm a bit, this gives me even more reason to soak up my boy’s cuteness now and do everything I can for him before he won’t want me around to couch surf with him.

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