What I would have done differently to help my mental health as an international student
International students face additional stressors when it comes to managing uni, such as homesickness and cultural differences. (Pexels/ABC Everyday: Nathan Nankervis)
One misty spring morning I had trouble getting to my creative writing class.
Even though I only lived 10 minutes from campus I just couldn't get up in time. I remember feeling like I had a massive brick on my chest.
That day had been important — it was going to be workshop day for my short fiction piece. My classmates would have notes for me but I just couldn't handle any criticism, good or bad, on top of my emotions.
Thoughts plagued my mind: What if I failed? What would happen to this assignment? What if I did not graduate on time? What will my parents say? They had sacrificed so much to send me here. Will I have any friends? What if I get left behind?
Everything felt a little too much at only eight in the morning. I took the only route that made sense to me — I made a cup of peppermint tea and returned to bed.
When I got up hours later it was the middle of the afternoon. I remember feeling ashamed. The extra sleep had not helped me, my grade or my mental health.
Big classes and living off campus contributed to my isolation
I never opened up to anyone about my mental health at uni.
Elements that made my schooling memorable, like closeness and intimacy, had been completely eliminated from my university experience.
University accommodation had been too expensive for me, so I lived independently and struggled to make friends due to my lack of proximity.
The structure and set-up of my classes didn't help much either.
My Bachelor of Arts degree relied primarily on independent study and research. The limited number of classes and the large lectures, which sometimes included 300 students, meant I had little-to-no opportunity to make friends.
A lot of the other social activities revolved around alcohol. As my liver never fully recovered after a case of dengue fever, I felt uncomfortable having to sip alcohol "to fit in" at social events.
ABC Lifestyle in your inbox
Get our newsletter for the best of ABC Lifestyle each week
These high-energy social gatherings did not suit my personality. I struggled to make small talk or catch any political or cultural references.
I constantly felt out of place in these environments.
I couldn't confide in any tutors about my mental health or get their recommendations for services because I could never get close to them in the first place.
I had no clue about places I could turn to or people I could consult in case of an emergency, never mind a mental health one.
Finding the courage to speak up
I only sought professional help after I finished university.
Mental health is heavily stigmatised in South Asian cultures. I had internalised these damaging beliefs, and they had prevented me from seeking help.
But living in Australia helped chip away at that stigma.
Once I graduated, I visited Sri Lanka for a holiday.
Hearing the experiences of friends and listening to students who studied psychology helped me understand that I, too, needed to re-evaluate my situation.
I needed professional help to process my condition and begin recovery.
I decided to talk to my parents about my struggles and some of the obstacles I encountered because of it.
Even though they initially were very defensive, they eventually agreed to take me to see a psychologist.
I found it really reassuring to chat to an expert that understood the cultural context that accompanied many of my problems.
I never perceived any race-based bias or cultural insensitivity. I never had to explain myself over and over again — she just understood. She listened to me and I felt heard, validated and valued.
Her strategies have helped stabilise my mental health. These have helped me, particularly during some intense, transitional periods in my life.
I could not have done this alone. I could not have done this by simply talking to a friend, a family member or reading a resource booklet.
I had to see a culturally competent psychologist that understood the multiple layers of my personality.
Looking back, I should have accessed services once I started to feel my depression, anxiety and insomnia develop.
Still I remember trying to navigate a complex bureaucracy to access help. In hindsight, a more responsive, streamlined service might have helped.