Getty Images

How to Be the Best Kisser You Can Be

8 Lip-Locking Tips to Take Your Kiss Game to the Next Level

August 17, 2021

Flip

For all the focus we put on it, kissing is something few people talk about in detail.

We’ll ask our friends if they’ve kissed someone yet or we’ll obsess over whether a date ends with a kiss, but by contrast, most people don’t discuss kissing techniques unless they lock lips with a noticeably, jaw-droppingly bad kisser.

This just means there are a whole lot of people out there whose kissing is somewhere between kind of bad and so-so who could afford to step it up. However, they have no idea that they’re underperforming, leaving them unable to change their ways.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we should all get obsessed about whether we’re falling short of some unrealistic smooching standards. Kissing should be an experience that you enjoy with your partner, not one where you’re quietly obsessed with getting a passing grade.

But if you’re relatively inexperienced when it comes to locking lips, here are some tips and tricks that might benefit you, as explained to AskMen by a handful of bona fide dating experts:

Tips and Tricks for Improving Your Kissing

Take Care of Your Mouth

Kissing means your mouth and someone else’s mouth are touching, so it’s important to make sure your mouth is in good shape when it happens — at least if you want to deliver a top-notch kissing experience.

Some of the world’s most exciting and passionate kisses happen without much preparation, which means they can involve bad breath, chapped lips, and dry mouths. But if you’re anticipating a kiss possibly coming up, that’s an extra good reason to make sure that your mouth is in a very kissable state.

“Fresh breath is always a great start for a successful kiss,” says Tiana GlittersaurusRex, co-founder of The Sex Work Survival Guide, so consider making use of gum, breath mints, toothpaste or mouthwash in the time leading up to a kiss.

To that list of products, Sofiya Alexandra, co-founder and co-host of the Private Parts Unknown podcast, would add lip balm: “Make sure your lips aren’t chapped,” she says. “The only thing worse than slobbery kisses are bone-dry ones. Your mouths should feel moist and slippery, like a waterpark slide.”

Use Your Whole Body

Despite the importance of the mouth when it comes to kisses, good kissing doesn’t begin and end there.

Rather, it’s a holistic experience that involves your bodies working in tandem to produce one overarching sensation. This means using your hands, arms, and even legs can drastically change how the kiss feels, and if used right, make it an incredible one.

“Remember that you can vary your points of pressure to play with anticipation and the unexpected,” says sexologist Jess O’Reilly, host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. “For example, you might kiss their lips gently with a breathy, feather-light contact, while caressing their lower back firmly with your fingertips. Or you might twirl your tongue gently around theirs playfully while pulling their body close to yours.”

Another way to up the intimacy is to hold your kissing partner’s face with your hands: “Place your hands gently against their cheeks,” says O’Reilly. “Allow your fingertips to explore their skin and work your way to the back to cradle their head as you run your fingertips through their hair (if they don’t have hair, you can still explore with your fingertips).”

Doing this allows you to pull them as close to you as possible in the midst of the kiss, which, in the right context, can feel incredibly passionate or romantic.

Pay Attention to Pace

Pace — the speed and energy with which you’re engaging in the kiss — can be hugely important, according to sex educator Kenneth Play.

“We can tell a lot about someone’s character through how they kiss,” he says. “A good kisser is being present and available, reading feedback and cues from the person they are kissing.”

Showing your ability to go at your partner’s pace informs them “that you are paying attention, care enough to follow their cues, and have the skills to do so,” adds Play.

To that end, says GlittersaurusRex, “it’s great to begin slowly.” She suggests starting with “gentle pecks on the lips, then gradually increase the intensity or speed” as you go.

“Try to match the same pace as your partner,” she notes. “Going too fast or too slow can be a big turn-off.”

That’s particularly important when it comes to increasing the level of intimacy in the kiss, too.

“If you enjoy kissing with tongue, wait a minute or so before incorporating it,” adds GlittersaurusRex. “Nothing is worse than someone stuffing their tongue in your mouth right out the gate.”

Stay in the Moment

Kissing, if you don’t have a ton of experience, can be nerve-wracking enough that you might find yourself resorting to specific moves you’ve heard about or read about online. You might try to bring a specific energy, like kissing forcefully to show the other person that you’re macho, or kissing disinterestedly to show them that they don’t mean too much to you.

However, the best kisses are ones where both people are attuned to themselves and to each other, rather than trying to prove something or complete a series of objectives.

“Less is often more when it comes to kissing, so don’t feel you need to do it all,” says O’Reilly. “Rather than focusing on technique, try tuning into your own pleasure and kiss in a way that feels good for you. Tune into the sensation of their lips against yours — the temperature, the texture, the pressure, the movement and their breath — how does it feel against your lips and tongue? Kiss in a way that heightens these sensations.”

Be Prepared to Switch It Up

If what you’re doing doesn’t seem to be working — either because you sense that the other person’s body language feels off, the whole thing feels awkward, or they simply tell you so — it may be time to change your approach.

“A great kisser is attuned to their partner and able to adjust based on their partner’s signals,” says Alexandra. “If your partner pulls back during a kiss, you might be using too much tongue or saliva, or going in too rough.”

RELATED: What Is Sexual Consent?

But if they just want things to go a bit differently, this could be your time to shine. One issue might be that you’re trying to be too active and your partner feels overwhelmed by your energy, according to Play.

“Just like dancing, you might want to see if [your partner] wants you to lead or follow,” he says. “Some people prefer that you lead the kiss and some people prefer that you stay with their moves. If you bust a move and it’s not working, go back to following.”

Pay a Compliment

It might sound cheesy, but a well-timed compliment after a kissing session (or during a break in one) can go a long way. Kissing someone for the first time, or kissing someone when you don’t have a lot of experience, can be an immensely vulnerable moment.

Hearing a verbal confirmation that the person you’ve been kissing is really appreciating the kiss can be deeply meaningful, the final detail that makes the whole thing feel perfect. If this is someone you have real romantic feelings for and you want to convey them, Play suggests stroking your partner’s hair, looking into their eyes and giving them a compliment to show how much the kiss meant to you.

“Say something like, ‘Wow, that took my breath away,’ or ‘Oh, that was really delicious,’” he suggests. “Something as simple as saying that you appreciate the kiss can make a big difference in emotional connection.”

Don’t Be Afraid to Suck

One thing multiple experts all mentioned is using your lips to suck on one of your your partner’s lips — what O’Reilly calls a “lip suck,” when you “playfully suck their lower lip into your mouth and then move on to the upper lip.”

Alexandra agrees that sucking on your partner’s upper or lower lip can be fun, and notes that some people can even enjoy some light biting, “once you’ve been kissing for a while and are ready to take it up a notch.”

However, she says, “be ready to pivot if your partner isn’t into it.” It’s also something that can easily be overdone, either by trying to suck too hard, which can be painful for them, or simply using the technique too often, which can be annoying or overwhelming, so consider this move a side dish rather than a main course.

Experiment a Little

Lastly, even the most experienced kissers could stand to try new approaches sometimes. Doing the exact same thing over and over might work if it’s what your partner or partners like, but sometimes the most exciting moments come from new experiences, not the same old thing. To that end, O’Reilly suggests trying things like kissing “with the softest lips possible.”

“Relax, don’t flex and simply rest your lips against theirs as you swirl slowly and sensually,” she suggests.

Two other moves she recommends? The “top shelf,” where you “run your tongue along their upper lip and gently caress the upper roof of their mouth,” and the “twirl and suck,” where you “twirl your tongue around slowly and add some barely there suction.”

If those don’t sound up your alley, don’t be afraid to try things out! Discuss things with your partner and see what they’d like to experiment with.

You Might Also Dig:

Kissing

Seduction

Overcome Insecurities

new relationship