Review: The Battery

What will we notice when we arrive? A blond-brick building tucked behind a row of shade trees, The Battery could easily be mistaken for a neighboring office building, if not for the discreet metal nameplate beside the front door. This hidden-in-plain-sight quality is by design: The Battery is a private club, which happens to house 14 high-end hotel rooms. The entryway, a long hall with a herringbone floor, preserves that aura of mystery, with peekaboo views into spaces that you can’t quite see into. The space, like the club, unfolds itself slowly.

What's the backstory? The Battery’s founders, Michael and Xochi Birch, met at a London club; years later—fresh off the $850 million sale of their tech startup—they wanted to create a space in San Francisco with a similar vibe: elegant yet convivial, the kind of place where you might bump into a stranger and wind up chatting for hours. They hired superstar designer Ken Fulk to make it happen. The result is a marvel: Massive gold chain mail chandeliers light a bar arrayed with ships’ mastheads and Cousteau-ian accessories, while a great glass elevator (hand-built in Finland, disassembled, and painstakingly erected here) whisks guests to higher floors. The club has been collecting art since its inception, and those pieces—which range from provocative photography to vivid-hued oils—are throughout the building.

Tell us all about the accommodations. Any tips on what to book? I stayed in a Lounge Suite. With hardwood floors and exposed brick and beams, the room felt industrial, with softer touches—an upholstered leather headboard, a gold velvet couch, incandescent lamps—adding warmth. The oversized windows let the sunshine in, and the bathroom beckoned with a deep, free-standing soaking tub and sweet-smelling Malin & Goetz products.

Is there a charge for Wi-Fi? The Wi-Fi was free and fast, as you’d expect at a place opened by tech founders.

Drinking and dining—what are we looking at? Hotel guests are considered resident members of The Battery during their stay, with all the attendant benefits, including access to the on-site restaurants and bars. Chef Brandon Hicks cut his teeth at Brasserie 8 ½, ilili, and Michelin-starred Picholine, and that pedigree shows in the complex, satisfying dishes he creates. (Hen’s egg with king salmon, crème fraiche, and caviar, anyone?) Sommelier Dan Cameron’s wine cellar is 1,200 bottles strong, and the club houses six bars, each with its own menu. If you happen to catch Food & Beverage Manager Juan Villareal, ask him for a drink recommendation.

And the service? The staff are slightly less hands-on here than at a traditional hotel, but they’re also happy to assist if you need anything. If you’re looking to explore the city, guest services manager is happy to give recommendations on things to eat, see, and do.

What type of travelers will you find here? The McSweeney’s set. Snatches of overheard conversation here bleed into one long, disjointed, fascinating story, somehow touching on witchcraft, high school, and the CIA.

How does the hotel fit into the city? The Battery considers itself more a part of the city than anything else. This shows up in its philanthropy: Through charitable arm Battery Powered, the club has awarded $22 million in grants, much of that to local nonprofits. It also shows up in the club’s events, such as the OTT Pride party and the quarterly Electric Sheep party. And yes, if you’re staying at the hotel on a party night, you’re invited.

Is there anything you'd change? The club has a strict no-photo policy. While I appreciate the ethos behind it, I have to admit, it was a struggle for me to curb my shutterbug tendencies.

Any other hotel features worth noting? The gym is a hidden gem. Its entrance is marked by a vintage pommel horse. Along with the usual suspects, the gym features Peloton bikes and a Tonal, a high-tech “virtual personal trainer” that, outside the hotel, could run you $3,000.

Bottom line: Worth it? Why? Yes—if you’ve always dreamed of becoming a member of an exclusive private club, this is your chance to become one for a night.