You don’t need me to tell you that dating is hard if you’re out there in the trenches—read: scrolling on dating apps—in 2024. Chances are, you’ve come face-to-face with a ghost (the figurative kind) or a catfish (also figurative, unless you’ve fallen prey to a dude with a fish pic) at least once. In fact, it’s pretty fair to say that the current dating landscape more accurately resembles an obstacle course. After all, the talking stage is a test of speed and endurance. And unfortch, getting on a date is only level one. Not to be all doom and gloom, but these first-date horror stories will make you miss the kinda-basic-but-perfectly-pleasant coffee date you probs wrote off as boring. (We’ve all been there.)
TikTok is full of examples too. Take the guy who unknowingly ended up on a date with a girl and her parents. Or the woman whose date insisted she not get the wine at dinner to avoid “adding on any calories.” (!!!) And while not everything you hear on the internet is true, there are plenty of people out there who have gone on very real shitty first dates. (*raises hand*) We chatted with singles who were peed on, dropped off at the ER, and introduced to pet weasels. Because ultimately, as tragic as some of these first-date horror stories might be, the best way to get through the nightmare that is modern dating is to laugh (cry?!) at the whole thing.
Here are 10 horrifying first-date stories (ranked from bad to worse) we sourced from readers that will make you feel *a lot* less alone, trust.
10. “I stepped on a tiny plastic dinosaur (yes, really) and wiped out walking to our cars at the end of the date. I sprained my ankle so badly that I couldn’t stand up. So this guy, who was shorter than me, had to help pick my 6-foot ass up off the pavement and drive me home while I sobbed in pain. On the drive home while I was sobbing, he told me he was still in love with his ex who he dated for four years. I ended up spending the rest of the night in the ER to make sure nothing was broken, but he peaced out as soon as he passed me off to my roommate.” —Kelly*, 30
9. “[For starters], while we were driving to dinner, he took a half-empty White Claw out of his door and drank it while driving. He then told me he was still in love with his ex but cheated on her with, like, 30 people. He also tried to convert to Mormonism for her while he was actively cheating on her. Plus, his dating profile said he was a nurse, but he was actually like a wholesale drug dealer.” —Jamie*, 29
8. “He was immediately the worst and texted me while I was on the way to say he forgot that the restaurant he chose was reservation-only (so we wouldn’t be able to get in). He showed up 25 minutes late and when he finally arrived, he suggested we go to his friend’s fashion event instead. It turned out that it was a bunch of models in lingerie. He was a terrible conversationalist and even texted his friend during the date to say it was ‘not going great’ when he was the one barely speaking. It turned out his apartment was right next to the bar (likely ‘coincidence’). He begged me to come back, so I gave in, blue-balled him, and went on my merry way. He continued to text ‘wyd’ late at night for a few weeks after.” —Ella*, 24
7. “I went skiing/snowboarding (which I had never done before) with this boy I had been in love with since [we were] kids. He helped me put on all the gear and paid for everything. Then he zoomed past me and left me on the slopes by myself. This sweet couple stopped and helped me all the way down. When I was on the ski lift, I went to get off, slipped, and hit my head on the seat. I sat in the lodge by myself for hours until he was done.” —Chloe*, 26
6. “He showed up 40 minutes late to a brunch date and talked only about himself and how much money he was owed by his family. When I started telling him about how I was a teacher, he said, ‘Can we talk about something a little bit more relatable?’ He didn’t like his food (literally pancakes) and said his mom makes them better, and when I offered him some of my own plate, he turned it down. I went to the bathroom and on my walk back to our table, I caught him literally grabbing breakfast potatoes off my plate. The date ended with him doing the classic ‘pat-down-my-pockets’ dance and saying he ‘forgot his wallet.’ He also threw a temper tantrum when I told him I didn’t think we were compatible and called me a ‘judgmental bitch’ for ‘reading a book by its cover.’” —Alyssa*, 28
5. “He showed up black-out drunk. I’d just gotten done babysitting my niece, so we were on two very different planes of reality. To combat my soberness, he ordered me a tequila, red wine, white wine, a vodka soda, a gin cocktail, and some shots—all for me. I figured I needed something to get me through this (not all that though), so I ripped two shots and didn’t touch the rest. Then we went back to his apartment (even though I told him we weren’t hooking up) and he blasted really bad hip-hop. Then his roommate came out butt-ass naked. I don’t remember much other than being shocked by his roommate, my date telling me that he has no ambitions in life other than ‘to be rich’, and calling me a car home at 2 a.m. But the real nightmare happened after. He proceeded to invite me out every Thursday (‘u out tonight?’) for a few weeks and I said no each time. After the fourth time, I’d had enough and told him I wasn’t interested but wished him the best. He then sent me 47 (!!) texts in a row, saying, ‘Babe! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SPECIAL! GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE! LET’S GO ON A PICNIC!’” —Kim, 31
4. “After getting way too drunk during a first date with a guy I met on Tinder (whoopsie), I stupidly believed him when he said he ‘lived with his mom but in a totally separate part of the house.’ Turned out that the so-called separate part was literally just a room upstairs. The next morning, he offered to drive me home...then informed me that, on the way, we’d be dropping off his mom and his teenage sister at the mall. It was the most humiliating car ride of my life and I kept making eye contact with his mother in the side mirror. Needless to say, this man did not remain on my roster for long.” —Sarah, 26
3. “I went out for a few drinks with a guy I met on Hinge and it was honestly going pretty well. At the end of the night, he asked me to come home with him. I said I don’t typically go back to a guy’s place on a first date, but he was really sweet and convincing and said he just wanted to spend more time together, so I eventually agreed. On the way to his apartment, he told me he had a pet named Noodle. When we got there, I realized it wasn’t a dog or cat. He had a legit weasel, which was loose in his bedroom. He still ended up ghosting me. The audacity of men…” —Kiara*, 23
2. “We went out to get a casual dinner and drinks, and I knew right away the vibe was off. We parted ways, but the next morning, I got a text from her. I broke the news that I didn’t see us going out again and she proceeded to text me 50 times from different numbers. She was begging to go out again—even went as far as to tell me how good she was at oral sex. Eventually, I had to block her number(s) and all social media after DMs from multiple accounts on all platforms, endless texts, and dozens of calls. It turned me off from dating altogether for three months.” —Alex*, 29
1. “When I was a senior in college, I went out with this guy. We ended up going back to my apartment at the end of the night and started hooking up. I quickly realized how drunk he was and I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea to continue. He got so mad that he whipped his penis around and aimed his dick at my bed and just started peeing on purpose. And then he started peeing on my roommate’s bed. I tried to kick him out, but he kept refusing. Even my roommates tried kicking him out. His friend finally picked him up, but the worst part was the text the next day. He was like, ‘It’s a shame you didn’t get your money’s worth. Give me a round two.’ I was like, ‘Dude, you peed in my bed. It’s not gonna happen.’” —Erin*, 25
*Name has been changed.
Megan Schaltegger is an NYC-based writer. She loves strong coffee, eating her way through the Manhattan food scene, and her dog, Murray. She promises not to talk about herself in third person IRL.
