On the list of sexual activities that aren’t technically sex, phone sex is one of the most highly underrated. Sure, we hear so much about sexting (which is awesome, btw!), but phone sex is the true OG for a reason. “You get to play with words and your imagination. It's a way to excite, explore and express sexuality without physical contact between parties,” says Linnea Marie, a board-certified sex educator and sexpert at BedBible.com. Plus, you get to hear your partner’s sexy-ass voice on the other end getting hot and bothered. You might even hear them orgasm. So yeah, sign us up.
In case you needed more convincing, phone sex is also an amazing way to build anticipation for sex, to keep the spark in relationships alive, and to test the waters on certain fantasies with your partner(s). Phone sex is like the world’s hottest imagination game—it gets the mental cogs turning because it is one of the best forms of non-contact foreplay. Not to mention, phone sex is one of the least risky forms of sex that exists. “From a sexual health perspective, phone sex is one of the safest forms of sex because there's no risk of catching an STI or an unplanned pregnancy, so you can really go wild,” explains Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist.
With that being said, phone sex can certainly still be intimidating. It's pretty vulnerable to hop on the phone and start waxing poetic about your dirtiest and most depraved desires. But it’s not your fault that it can feel that way! It’s not like any of us got a handbook on how to talk about sex in our formative years. Luckily, we’ve compiled the very best advice from some of the world's most distinguished sex experts to guide you on your phone sex journey so you can say all the filthy things your heart desires. Welcome to your no-frills guide designed to set you up for phone sex success. Let’s do this.
What Is Phone Sex?
Phone sex is what it says on the tin: It’s sex over the phone. “Phone sex is a conversation on the phone which is explicit, usually describing what you want to do to each other or describing how you're touching yourself and how your body is responding,” Rowett says. “It's meant to be highly arousing for both of you and you usually do it masturbating to simulate in person sex as much as possible.” You’re using the power of description and imagination to create a fantasy for you and your partner. It’s a bit like creating your own erotic content with only the power of your voice. It’s a great opportunity to work on communication and exploration together.
Marie says we can use phone sex as a means to discover each other's preferences, fantasies, and boundaries. “Partners get to talk and describe experiences they want to have or have had,” she says. “It doesn't have to be true or even come true, the conversation can just flow with the pleasure being had.” You can have phone sex directly on the line with someone or send voice notes back and forth—whatever works for you is just fine. You can have phone sex if you’re in a long-distance relationship, traveling for work, or basically any time if you and your partner(s) are in different locations. Phone sex is for everyone!
Why Are People Into Phone Sex?
Not to be dramatic, but phone sex is, in a word, exhilarating. “It allows for creativity and explores sex in a descriptive mental capacity,” Marie says. This can be so unlike the ways we usually explore sex—often without explicitly asking for what we want or desire. In phone sex, you have no choice but to verbally break down your fantasies. When you’re on the phone, you’re forced to focus entirely on your sense of hearing and touch. Rowett says it’s a bit of a sensory deprivation of sorts. “You cannot see, smell, or feel your partner—you can only hear them and feel yourself, which heightens all your senses and makes it even more titillating,” she says. This can lead to heightened arousal in an entirely unique way.
In phone sex, there can also be a sense of anonymity because you can’t actually see the other person. Marie says this can invite greater vulnerability. “When people feel like they aren't being judged they can open up and experience greater pleasures,” she says. This activity can also be great for people who get turned on by hearing certain phrases or compliments,” Marie adds. Think: ‘You’re such a good girl,’ for the praise kink lovers amongst us.
Benefits of Phone Sex
Firstly, phone sex is actually amazing for improving your communication skills. Because you can’t see your partner, it’s easier to open up and be clear about your desires. This small level of separation does wonders when it comes to “helping couples express themselves more creatively, confidently, and openly,” Marie says. Phone sex makes for incredible foreplay. It can get the engines of desire going long before you ever have contact with your partner. And it’s amazing for long-distance couples, too. Phone sex allows us to create sexual and intimate experiences without actual physical contact. “It's a way to keep it hot and exciting and still be connected to each other,” Rowett adds. “There's sex toys on the market that can now be incorporated into this activity via Bluetooth or WiFi, regardless of distance,” says Marie. It allows for mental stimulation while also being able to control a product for the physical component of pleasure.” Desire can be seriously amplified when we make sexual connection a priority.
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