When Amrita Dunn goes on a date, she believes that the best thing to do is to be honest from the get-go; cards on the table, no matter what their reaction might be. She never hides her job from her potential beau, telling them from the off about her work as a councillor, though people assume she means working as a mental health professional. Amrita always corrects them, revealing she’s actually a councillor for the Conservative party. The big reveal hasn’t always landed well.
“I do get people saying, ‘never kiss a Tory,’ and then I have to leave,” the 22-year-old explains, laughing. “I probably wouldn’t have kissed them anyway.”
With polling day just a week away, politics is at the forefront of everyone’s minds – and the dating sphere is not exempt from this. The ballot box has invaded our bedrooms, with the way we vote impacting how we date – and who.
The political climate seems more inflammatory than ever before; research by Match found that while in 2015, 78% of singles said they would date someone across the political aisle – this plummeted to 52% in 2019, showing a 26% decrease in political tolerance. Elsewhere, new research by Haypp found that a third of Gen Z daters would even go as far as ending a relationship based on their partner's vote in the 2024 general election.
But what is behind this newfound rigidity behind our political viewpoints, and why have they become so central to how we date? Dating apps serving as a billboard of who we are and what we stand for may have a lot to answer for, explains Kate Daly, relationships expert and co-founder of divorce service company Amicable. “Some sites, such as Hinge, ask you about your political beliefs in your profile,” she tells Cosmopolitan UK, “This gives more prominence to them and is used by many to filter people in and out. Many people feel political beliefs are akin to values and, therefore, are a good way of ‘matching’ with someone.
Daly explains that when added to the already existing overwhelming choice dating apps offer, including political views in profiles can help people filter potential matches out even further. It can also, she says, reduce the cut-throat feeling of rejecting someone and “make people feel less guilty about swiping left because of the profile picture."
Younger voters on the more liberal wing of the political spectrum are the ones least likely to date outside party lines, according to stats from YouGov. Emily, who supports the centrist Liberal Democrats, would not consider a relationship with someone who would vote for a more right-wing party, such as the Conservatives or Reform UK, citing their views on immigration and approaches to poverty as issues she disagrees with. She’s not alone: research from Match shows that 24% of singles want to know their date’s political views before the first meet, and 98% want to know your political leanings before things get serious.
“On dating apps, if someone describes their political leanings as ‘conservative’ I just avoid them as I know that this would lead to a crash of worldview points,” Emily, 27, tells Cosmopolitan UK. “Even if they are the most beautiful person in the world, if they’re Tory, it’d have to be a no.”
In more recent years, there’s been a distinct and definite chasm between left- and right-wing opinions. The ongoing ‘culture wars’ have seen battle lines drawn between political parties, resulting in a more tribal response to politics. A 2020 study by Harvard University found that social media may have exacerbated this gulf, with algorithms acting as echo chambers that only reinforce like-minded opinions. It’s led to a problematic atmosphere, Daly argues.
“Truth, nuance, and debate are the casualties of social media platforms, so it's not surprising that the divide between people who support different political parties feels like it has deepened,” she says. “Differing political opinions can lead to heated arguments and conflicts, straining relationships. This is especially true in polarised environments where political views are deeply held and emotionally charged.
“The amplification of difference is having an impact on all our relationships when the first thing you always do is find the common ground.”
It’s something Labour voter Louisa is feeling more acutely. The 22-year-old boasts dual British and American citizenship and supports the Democrats over in the States. While she once previously dated a Republican while at university in America, she feels she couldn’t date someone outside her political realm now. “It’s a dealbreaker for me now,” she tells Cosmopolitan UK. “I identify as queer, and some of the policies the Republicans have vowed to put into practise are so damaging that I just couldn’t be with someone who supports these policies.
“The repeal of Roe v Wade in 2022 was also so upsetting. I could not date someone who didn't share, or didn’t understand, how frustrating I find that as a woman.”
It’s women in particular who find it vital that their political viewpoints are listened to. Research by Tinder found that 60% of young singles in the UK feel strongly that the person they are dating should respect their political opinions, increasing to 65% for young women. It’s not surprising – with women’s rights often on the table as bargaining chips, it can often feel we have more skin in the game than men who benefit from already established patriarchal systems.
However, it is possible for people with vastly opposing political views to still be in happy, fulfilling relationships. Despite being a lifelong Conservative voter herself, Amrita is currently dating someone who has vastly different political views - sitting on the other end of the political spectrum. “He’s even helped me campaign for the Conservatives at points,” she explains. “If anything, I think I’ve dated fewer Conservatives. I remember when I was dating in my first year of uni – one girl gave her opinion in a seminar and the Conservative I was seeing said: ‘This is why women shouldn’t have the vote’. I thought ‘You’re the reason so many Conservatives have a bad name!’
“I don’t agree on everything with my current partner, but I don’t really mind that. In fact, I like having good, healthy discussions about politics. People can and do disagree with me, often. As long as they are respectful, it’s okay.”
Amrita adds that she doesn’t want to talk about her political views all the time with a partner: “Ultimately, in a democracy, we should all be entitled to our own views, and we shouldn’t get angry with people for disagreeing with us.
“I’ve had friends delete or remove me off social media because they don’t understand why I’m a Conservative. But I’m still the same person. Sometimes, I don’t want to talk about politics. Sometimes, it’s just not that deep.”
Daly agrees there is a way for people with differing political opinions to still date, even if it may be more difficult to find than before. “Some couples make it work by either agreeing to disagree or by engaging in respectful dialogue and debate,” she explains. “As with all conflict, it's not the disagreement itself that is harmful; it's how you resolve the difference or make up when things go too far. Do you sulk or simmer, or can you have it out and feel listened to?"
While Amrita, Emily and Louisa all support different political parties, the three agree that the most important thing to them is that their prospective dates take an interest in politics. Research by Tinder found a third of young UK singles say it's important that the person they are dating is registered to vote, while a fifth have either ended a relationship or would do so if their partner was not politically engaged. Leaving politics out of our sex lives is no longer an option for Gen Z, with so much now at stake for a generation who are facing record high rents, fewer job prospects and poorer mental health.
“I actually find it so gross when people describe themselves as apolitical,” Louisa explains. “It’s so frustrating because it’s something that impacts all of us. There are so many countries around the world where people are not allowed to vote, and it’s a privilege to exercise that right. Being apolitical is more of an ick to me than being a Tory.”
