The Mandela Plot: A Novel
2.5/5
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About this ebook
A Jewish teenager is drawn into the political violence of apartheid South Africa in this “riveting thriller” by the award-winning author of The Lion Seeker (Booklist, starred review).
As the 1980s draw to a close, apartheid is in its death throes and South Africa is a maelstrom of social unrest. Johannesburg teenager Martin Helger has problems of his own. The son of a Jewish scrap dealer, he’s out of place at his elite private school. When an American named Annie comes to stay with his family, Martin becomes transfixed. But as he gets closer to her, he finds himself wrenched from his privileged bubble and thrust into the raw heart of South Africa's racial struggle.
Meanwhile, secrets from the past begin to emerge and old sins return to tear Martin’s family apart, even as the larger forces of history and politics tear apart the country. At once a riveting literary thriller, a moving coming-of-age tale, and an unforgettable journey through a fascinating world, The Mandela Plot entertains and terrifies in equal measure.
A Finalist for the National Jewish Book Award
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Reviews for The Mandela Plot
6 ratings2 reviews
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5A special thank you to Edelweiss, NetGalley, and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.Set in 1980s South Africa, The Mandela Plot centres around Martin Helger—a student at an all-boys private school in Johannesburg that doesn't quite fit in unlike his brother who is a mysterious legend. Martin is bored with his mundane life until a beautiful American girl, Annie Goldberg, arrives. Martin finds himself no longer in his protective bubble and is immersed into the political and societal struggles. Oh boy..where do I start? I had the honour of reviewing Bonert's first book The Lion Seeker, and it was a stunning debut. But this sophomore effort coming of age tale just simply didn't resonate with me. Honestly, I can't put my finger on it—perhaps it was the dialogue? It was very hard for me to get into the book with several failed attempts and start overs. That being said, once I did get into the story, I did enjoy parts of it. The characters are complex, some are well-developed, and others, like Martin are underdeveloped. Bonert clearly has a gift; there are some beautiful passages, but the lengthy paragraphs are unnecessary bulk and the slang stunts the reader (of note: there is a glossary at the end of the book).
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Life is well regulated in South Africa at the end of the 1980s. Apartheid rules and black and white only meet when the former serves or received commands from the later. Thing are only slightly different in the Jewish Helger household in Johannesburg; having survived the Holocaust, the parents developed a more humane attitude than most of their white fellows. Yet, their routines change with the arrival of an American exchange teacher. Annie Goldberg has come to teach at a primary school in one of the townships – a place none of the Helger family would ever go to. 16-year-old Martin is fascinated by the pretty and radical woman. Her political opinion drastically differs from his parents’ point of view and soon he finds himself in the middle of the struggles to fight for freedom for the oppressed peoples’ hero Nelson Mandela. The beginning of the novel is immediately captivating. Just as Martin is fascinated by this strange American, the reader also falls for her charisma. She is a freedom fighter who can easily convince her audience with her statements on the current political situation in a way that you just have to agree – knowing that things might be a lot more complicated. The double complex of having a Jewish survivor family who went through oppression by the Nazi regime gives the novel an even more complicated background.I especially appreciated the long debates between the Helgers and Goldberg, they gave a precise picture of South Africa of that time and the contradicting positions were thus well established. However, even though this was very interesting, it did not add to the suspense. Since the novel is promoted as “literary thriller”, I’d have expected a bit more of that. At some point of the story, I got a bit lost. Even though I liked the protagonist Martin and his development is well motivated and largely plausible, the plot was a bit unsatisfactory. At the end, I even had the impression that there was a certain lack of idea of how to finish it at all, the solution chosen did everything but convince me. All in all, I had the impression that the novel wanted to be too much: a thriller, historical fiction, coming-of-age and also the specific aspects of the surviving Jew – it obviously cannot serve all expectations aroused and therefore to conclude, it is only partly recommendable.
Book preview
The Mandela Plot - Kenneth Bonert
First Mariner Books edition 2019
Copyright © 2018 by Kenneth Bonert
Reading Group Guide © 2019 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company
Q&A with the Author © 2019 by Kenneth Bonert
For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to [email protected] or to Permissions, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, 3 Park Avenue, 19th Floor, New York, New York 10016.
hmhbooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Bonert, Kenneth, author.
Title: The Mandela plot / Kenneth Bonert.
Description: Boston : Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, [2018]
Identifiers: LCCN 2017060208 (print) | LCCN 2017050070 (ebook) | ISBN 9781328886156 (ebook) | ISBN 9781328886187 (hardcover) | ISBN 978-1-328-85807-3 (paperback)
Subjects: LCSH: Mandela, Nelson, 1918–2013—Fiction. | Politics and government—Fiction. | Political violence—Fiction. | Jewish families—Johannesburg (South Africa)—Fiction. | Johannesburg (South Africa)—Fiction. | Political fiction. | BISAC: FICTION / Literary. | FICTION / Coming of Age. | FICTION / Jewish. | FICTION / Political.
Classification: LCC PR9199.4.B6743 (print) | LCC PR9199.4.B6743 M26 2018 (ebook) |
DDC 813/.6—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017060208
Cover design by Gregg Kulick
Author photograph © Richard Dubois
v2.0419
For Nicole
It is a haunting truth, not to say a tragedy, that the story of a family or a nation is nothing but a succession of echoes. All human patterns repeat, all return to overlay and re-present what has already been—only the style of each repetition may vary. Different actors may interpret an ancient text yet the essential drama remains beneath, as unmoving as the rock of the place in which it must play itself out, again and again. All that stands against this is the flimsy weapon of memory, as fragile as a web of dreams.
—H. R. Koppel, A Light for the Abyss
La haine est le vice des âmes étroites, elles l’alimentent de toutes leurs petitesses, elles en font le prétexte de leur basses tyrannies.
Hatred is the vice of narrow souls. They feed it with all their smallness. They use it as an excuse for their vile tyrannies.
—Honoré de Balzac, La Muse du Département
Note to the Reader
A glossary appears on page 456 for the benefit of those unfamiliar with South African terminology.
Neither the township of Julius Caesar nor the suburb of Regent Heights can be found on any map of Johannesburg. They are fictional locations that are wholly the product of the author’s imagination. Both places contain schools—the Leiterhoff School and Wisdom of Solomon High School for Jewish Boys, respectively—that are just as fictional and imaginary as their locations. Needless to say, the characters populating these nonexistent places are also entirely fictional creations of the author, as indeed are all the characters in this novel.
The Name
Here they come in the night with their long boots and heavy machine guns, their steel helmets and wolf dogs on chains. The megaphone booming raus-Juden-raus and I’m sprinting down the passage and they keep dropping over the garden walls like giant snakes. Bambam they’re at the front door, bursting it, splinters flying, a sledgehammer smashing the mezuzah. My brother has made it outside but a spotlight freezes him and he’s kneeling on the lawn in his underpants, hands laced behind his neck, rain dripping from his bowed face. Now explosions of smashing glass from the big bedroom where Ma is screaming and I turn and run through the kitchen to the back door. Backyard’s empty. Just reach the fence. Climb it and escape. But when my fingers touch the door handle I am stone.
Zaydi.
They haven’t got to Zaydi yet, in his room at the far end. The megaphone voice won’t stop saying all Jews out now move it Jews out get out.
They’re inside. But Zaydi. I have to go back.
1
I’m playing slinkers like always and then this weird thing happens—I start winning. I’m stocking points left and right and they can’t stop me. My heart pops like fireworks and whenever the toe of my polished Jarman touches the slink it shoots exactly where I want it to. I start giggling like a spaz. Meantime Pats and Ari have gone all quiet and serious. They won’t look at me.
Slinkers is this game we invented, it’s a combo of soccer with snooker with golf plus chess. But it’s like a million times more lekker than any of them, I swear. I mean it’s just the best, hey. I can’t even explain how good. One day we are ganna organise selling it and it’ll be bigger than rugby even, once the people try it out, no jokes. Me and Ari Blumenthal and Patrick Cohen—to be honest we started it cos shul is so bladdy boring. You sit and sing in Hebrew or you stand quiet till your feet hurt. Fat Rabbi Tershenburg gives his blahblah. It takes hours and when it’s finished everyone goes into the foyer and the hatted ladies come down the stairs from the women’s gallery. They kiss their husbands good Shabbos and they get hold of their kids. Then the whole lot herds off up the path to the kiddish hall where they fress off paper plates piled with kichel and herring and gargle down little bottles of Coke and Fanta. Not us. Our folks don’t come to shul on Shabbos. Instead we’ve saved up the bottlecaps from those little bottles. We’ve rubbed the tops of the caps like mad on the rough steps outside, like we’re trying to set them on fire, which gets them all silver and smooth. A ready one is called a slink.
All the time the people are in the foyer the three of us are waiting all ants-in-pants but pretending not to show it, pockets full of slinks. When they’re gone, old Wellness, the Zulu caretaker, he comes limping in and switches off the big bronze chandeliers one by one. When the last one is out and it’s darkened and Wellness has hopped off, we three jump in like a shot and start our match. It’s like this every week. We use the patterns on the foyer’s marble floor for lines and goals. Slinkers is complicated, hey. Got like a million special rules. Pats always says it’s not just scoring a goal that’s the hard part, it’s getting to the goal. Well not for me! Not today! I score another one off a free kick and I’m giggling so hard I have to lie down. When we start the next round it hits me like an uppercut to the body (a liver smasher, Marcus calls it) that I am about to win the whole bladdy match. I look at my friends. They’re still not looking at me. Not a good feeling. Basically I only have these two friends, ukay, my shul friends. I mean that’s it. I don’t really like to think about why that’s so, but it’s the truth.
I miss blocking Pats’s slink and so I lose the next point and then the next. Now my friends start smiling and talking again. Soon we start arguing. We always argue. This one is about our air force and how we have Mirage fighter jets and whether they are better planes than the Cuban Migs we are fighting on the Border. The Mirages were used by Israel in the Six-Day War but the Migs were invented by a Jew. Ari says Mirage. Pats says what bulldust. I say what my brother Marcus would tell me, that it depends which model the Cubans are sending to fight us cos our Mirages are quite old and no one will sell us new ones cos of sanctions. In a little bit we are shouting like usual. It echoes in the roof which is round up there, like the inside of one of those helmet hair dryers old ladies sit under, but super dark without the lights. In the end I lose the argument, like usual. And then I carry on losing slinkers points and the more I lose the more the okes start laughing and patting me on the back and that. And then I lose the match, like usual. And then I lose the argument about which way to walk to Pats’s house. Basically, I always come off third out of three with my two friends. That’s my place. But today is the first time I’m seriously wondering why.
2
We are walking to Pats’s house, taking Route Alpha Kilo Leopard. We have these code words for all our routes. Sometimes we argue about how long we would last if we got tortured for our codes. It’s a vote of two to one that I’d be first to talk, but it’s three out of three that the worst torture is the one where they stick pins in your balls. We walk cos you have to walk to shul on a Shabbos, you’re not allowed to drive on Shabbos anywhere, obviously—it’s against the Torah—so it would be chutzpah deluxe to rock up at the shul in a car. Old man Meyerson did it one time, got a lift with his son Neil who dropped him off outside, and no one talks to him anymore.
We reach the Emmarentia Dam by one o’clock or so and I feel the wind fresh in my face with the hot sun. The water is sparkly and full of little waves. The fishermen put nobs of mooshed bread on their lines so they can see them stretching from the rods. Kayakers are going hell for leather and windsurfers are falling and getting up and bending over to pull up their heavy sails. Ice cream man has those fat round granadilla lollies like cricket balls on sticks and he’s also shouting to sell cendy floss, cendy floss, anybody loves cendy floss?
and we’re walking on the roadside next to the parked cars. All along on the grassy bank people are lying on towels with oil on their skin. White people trying to get brown. The African sun is happy to cook the hell out of them and I smell coconut sun cream and baby oil and sausage smoke. The air gets all bendy over the hot road. A radio from one of the parked cars is playing Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?
and I think of Boy George singing, with his hat and his girl’s make-up, on Pop Shop which we always tape at home—Fridays at five. I remember old whatsisname saying on Pop Shop that 1986 belongs to New Wave, which sounded lank cool, but I don’t know how our year can belong to anything or what New Wave actually means, really.
A yellow Volkswagen Golf, not the GTi fast one but the one that Da says only ladies buy, is slowing down behind us. It makes me super tense, I swear. It’s happened lots of times before that someone shouts antisemitism from the back of a car at us. Ari is wearing his yarmie, he keeps it clipped in his hair and never takes it off because he’s more religious than us two. Pats sometimes wears his outside of shul as well, he wants to test himself to be proud to be a Jew. Pats is full of weirdo ideas like that, he gets it from Laurel, his sister who’s a drama student at Wits and lights black candles in her room and that. But even me, obviously I’m wearing my shul clothes which look completely funny here at the Dam on a nice Saturday—my smartest shirt with long sleeves and collars and a pair of smart brown long pants and a pair of leather Jarmans that are like the most expensive things Ma ever bought me which she is always telling me—so they know what we are even without yarmies on our heads. The last one shouted Yo! Bladdy fucken Jewsss! I remember the face sticking out the window, some blond oke with an earring. He didn’t look cross, he looked sort of happy when he saw me looking back at him. Like he’d just swallowed down some lekker strawberry ice cream with chocolate sauce. Sometimes I think about what he must have seen, I mean what my face would have looked like to him. And why would it make blondie so happy to shout that antisemitism at us? But we just ignore them when it happens. What could we do? Anyway this yellow Volksie passes us with no hassles and I feel better.
Then when we reach the far side where the road starts going up away from the Dam, I see something hectic down in the willows and I have to stop. Aloud I ask, You check them down there?
Pats shades his eyes, wrinkling his pointy nose while he looks. Who’re they?
That’s a Solomon rugby jersey he’s wearing,
I say.
No,
says Pats.
Ja, those are the colours,
I say. That’s what he’s got on, I swear. Solomon.
So what?
says Ari.
I take a breath. Let’s go say howzit to them.
You know them, hey.
It’s not a question, Pats is being majorly sarcastic.
Ja, I do,
I say. Sometimes lies just fly out of my mouth by themselves. Pats laughs and the two of them carry on walking but I don’t move. I’m back to thinking about slinkers and how I’ve never won a single match since we started playing when we were little all the way till now when we’ve already had our barmies and become proper men of thirteen and high school is coming round the corner. It’s specially nuts cos I’m the oldest of us—man, I’m ganna be turning fourteen years old this year, soon. So why couldn’t I win the match today when I was so unstoppable? Why must I always come last? Something inside of me like a car alarm light on a dash keeps blinking an answer that I don’t like. It’s because it keeps them happy.
Meantime the okes have stopped on the road and are looking back and calling to me as if I’ve lost the plot. But I don’t move. My heart’s boombooming. Come on, okes,
I say. Follow me.
I start walking down to the place where the grass hits the willow trees. There’s this huge kukload of trees here, so thick it’s like a mini jungle, I swear.
When I look back, they’re actually following. It’s a hell of a surprise, on a level, but then all-a-sudden I start feeling lank chuffed cos I want them to see this, I really do. Want to mash their bladdy faces right in it.
3
I reach the willows first. The trees hang their whippy branches down into the water and there are more trees behind so they block you off like a wall. I catch a whiff of cigarettes but I can’t see into the shadows cos you know how it is when you look from the bright sun into shade—it makes you into an instant Stevie Wonder. So I’m still blinking and trying to see when these three okes step out. Straightaway I’ve got a tingly feeling I should leave but Ari and Pats are coming up behind me and then I see the colours again—they belong to only one high school in Johannesburg. A skinny oke who’s older, like fifteen or sixteen, steps up to me pulling a cigarette from his mouth. He’s got one of those floppy mouths where the lips are about two sizes too big for his face and the bone part of his forehead by the eyebrows sticks out, making me think of a picture of a skull I saw this one time except that skulls look like they smiling with all their teeth and this oke has no smile for me. Instead he pokes his hot cigarette straight at my eye, I swear. It only just misses cos I use my reflexes to bend back. When I get my balance I see the other two have gone around and they’ve got Pats and Ari inside a circle.
What you lighties doing down here?
says the skull face.
I say, I was—I just saw him wearing that Solomon rugby jersey.
And I look around to point to that one with my chin. Do you okes all go to Solomon? What Standard are you?
I’m trying hard, grinning away, but this is all wrong, it’s not how it should be.
Oh, sweetie,
says skull face. As he says this his other arm is busy coming up and around and something explodes bang clap almighty hard over the whole of the side of my face. I go away for a second and when I come back all three of us are being pushed into the willows by the three older ones. Duck poo is everywhere here. There’re suckholes in the dark muck round the bottoms of the long weeds by the water and millions of dragonflies zipping and hovering like tiny helicopters. No one else is here, everyone’s back there in the sun on the grass. I’m cold and start to shake but it’s not from the shade. My face on the side feels as thick as the blue rubber they make slipslops out of, throb-throbbing like mad. The tall one’s hand is scratching down the back of my neck, grabbing my collar. I look around and he's reading the label on my shirt. One of the other ones says to him, What is it, Crackcrack?
Crackcrack says, This is OK Bazaars he’s wearing. True’s God. It’s bargain-bin, polyester special. His mommy goes to jumble sales. She shops with the shochs, I bet you anything.
I hear Pats arguing with them, I cannot believe how calm he sounds. He is saying something about all of us being Jewish, that they must be also if they are Solomon boys, so let’s just mellow out. The one with the rugby jersey grabs Pats’s head and bangs his own forehead into it, chopping like he’s an axe and Pats is wood. Pats goes white and stops talking. Without looking at me, Crackcrack pinches my chest so sore that I want to shout but I don’t do anything. My shoes are handmade calf leather,
Crackcrack says. Bet your daddy drives Toyota. I got my own Maserati. My driver Edson is parked up there for us, I got him till I get my licence. We go cruising and chicks stare. You goody-goody rabbi boys come from shul and scheme you can cause shit with us.
He pulls me round by my chest skin and lets go and I nearly fall into the rugby jersey one. Present for you, Polovitz,
Crackcrack says.
I don’t want him,
Polovitz says.
I see the other one of them has got hold of Ari’s red yarmie. I know it was a special present from his old man. Ari covers the top of his head with his hand and looks ready to bawl big time but he’s holding it in and he says, Ja, but you okes are breaking the Shabbos. That’s all HaShem cares about. I feel sorry for what He will do to you.
Everyone sort of freezes for a second. HaShem is a strong word, a shul word. It’s Hebrew for The Name and we say it aloud instead of God’s real name, which only ever gets written down in the proper places, like the Torah.
Then Crackcrack grabs Ari’s ear. Sweetie,
he says. Twisting, he makes Ari go down to the ground. He takes black mud and slaps it on Ari’s cheek, smears it all over his face. Now you look like the shoch that you are,
he says. Be quiet, shoch.
Ari can’t hold it in anymore and starts to bawl, the tears running down the mud as he sobs like he’s having an asthma attack. He doesn’t even notice that the other two are using his special yarmie for a Frisbee. Meantime Pats is just parking there with his face still white as Tipp-Ex except where his forehead is growing huge red bumps out of it like giant chorbs on their way to being the worst case of blackheads in history.
Crackcrack looks at the water and says, What you reckon, Russ?
This Russ gives a big happy smile, looking down on poor Ari with his face all muddy and snotty. Russ says, Bath time for the babies.
Crackcrack flicks his cigarette and slowly lights up another one from a gold lighter. The way he keeps his shoulders up and his eyes nearly shut as he does it, trying to look cool, I reckon he’s practiced it from movies. Then I see the pack is American Camels. I don’t think you can get Camels in the shops anymore cos of the sanctions. But he’s showing off he can, it’s more than just money. And like the other two he’s got on Puma and Lacoste and Fila—a kind of uniform. All-a-sudden it whacks me like a good one from a cricket bat how much less I am than them because I don’t have those logos on me. That they come from another world I don’t know anything about. And straightaway that makes me think of Marcus.
Oright,
Crackcrack is saying. Time to boogie. All a you little rabbi boys get your arses into that water.
Nobody moves.
Shift it, you pusses. I won’t tune you again. You got till three or we will fuck you all up solid.
I look behind and see the mucky water in the weeds is full of floaters, slimy moss and strings of duck shit and cans of Lion Lager and other pieces of nodding rubbish. I look at the three of them in front of us. I think of hitting them—like seriously hitting. And in my head I see my brother pounding his heavy bag in our backyard, whacking it buff! buff! with the sweat flying off. Me, by myself, I’ve tried to do it a few times, but my shots are just these tiny little pokes with my bony knuckles into the hard canvas that I can hardly dent. I look at their faces and try to imagine doing it to a real nose, a chin, and the idea makes me feel weak and nearly sick, as if I am melting down and down, into my socks.
One,
says Crackcrack.
There’s a little gap between two of them, on the left. I start going for it slowly, turning sideways, and Pats says, Don’t try, Helger. You’ll just get us more hurt, hey.
It’s that word, that third word. Helger. It goes off like a bomb. I mean I see it in their faces—kaboom.
All-a-sudden I’m thinking faster than Jody Scheckter doing three hundred kays an hour at the Kyalami racetrack. I walk to the gap and I know they won’t try to stop me now. I pass between them and they do exactly zilch, they just stand there like a couple of frozen blobs of shit, with their mouths open. I look back at Ari and Pats. Come on, okes,
I tell them. They won’t touch you. Let’s duck.
Polovitz says to Russ, "Bladdy hell. It is, hey."
Can’t be,
says Russ. But he doesn’t sound like he did a few seconds ago, his voice is all high like a girl’s.
Crackcrack steps up to me like he’s ganna sort this nonsense proper right this second. What’s your name?
I’m Martin Helger,
I tell him.
What crap.
Oh hell, Jesus,
says Russ. It’s the brother. Little brother.
He doesn’t have one,
says Crackcrack.
I feel everyone looking at me while I stare back at Crackcrack. My brother goes to Solomon,
I say. Maybe you know him. His name is Marcus. Marcus Helger. I was going to ask you all if you knew him. Before.
There’s dead quiet. I tell them my brother Marcus is in matric—that’s Standard Ten, last year of high school, and so he’s older than them, eighteen now. I ask them again do they know him, but I already know the answer. Something huge has swelled up under my throat. I feel like I’m standing on a tower above them, looking down.
There’s a noise from someone. It’s like a yawn but different. It reminds me of a noise Ma once made that time in Rosebank when we saw this young black guy running down the street and a cop shooting at him from behind, the running man sprinting so full-on like I’d never seen before, with his head down and his arms going like mad and his jacket flying out straight behind him and the cop holding his big gun with two hands in front of him going poppoppop and we couldn’t believe it and Ma made that sound I can’t forget. Russ makes that kind of sound again, staring at me with his eyes all big like Meccano wheels. I didn’t touch you, hey,
he tells me. Not me.
He turns around and takes like two or three big steps and then he just sprints away and he’s gone and Crackcrack says to me, You bluffing.
Polovitz starts to say something but then he stops and turns around and also runs. Just like that.
Crackcrack is sloping off, chewing on his thumbnail. Ari grabs his arm. Leeme go,
says Crackcrack, but he keeps looking at me and he doesn’t try to pull his arm away. What he does try is a smile, but it looks (Ma would say) just ghastly. He tells us he was only charfing when he said he was ganna put us in. They would never have actually done it. Was a joke, hey okes, just a joke.
Ari says, You called me a shoch.
The way he says it makes it sound worse than bad, like the worst thing you can do is call someone that. And it is pretty bad but I think he added much worse with the mud didn’t he. The tip of Crackcrack’s tongue pops out to take a quick spin round his sausage lips and then he swallows hard and sticks out his hand. I can see it trembling. Here, man,
he says to Ari. I am sorry. Put it there.
He looks at the rest of us. Sorry, okes. I’m lank sorry.
Ari ignores the hand. Crackcrack offers it to me. Ari says, Don’t be crazy, Helger. Don’t let him off.
I stand there for quite a while staring at the hand. Then Pats surprises me by saying in my ear, Just let him go, hey. Let him go and overs.
Ari hears him. It’s not overs,
he says. No way!
There’re bits of drying mud still stuck all over his face and the rest of it looks red and swollen.
All the time Crackcrack’s hand is still out for me. Come on, china,
he says—calling me his mate now, making like we are best buddies. China, you don’t need to say anything to your boet, don’t tell Marcus. We all men, hey. We keep it here. I said sorry. I am.
I stare at him. Don’t,
says Pats. But I already hear my voice speaking, sounding deep and rough, like someone else’s in my pounding ears. But you’re not,
I say. You bladdy liar.
4
Afterwards we’re walking single file on the path through the bulrushes taller than us, our feet squishing on the mud. It’s hot like being in a greenhouse and I’m sweating big time and when we come out it’s like someone peels plastic off my skin as I feel cool air on me and it opens up so we can see out all across the fields behind the squash courts to Letaba Road. I am still shaking. Pats turns and says to me, How could you do that?
I don’t know,
I say. I just did.
It was wrong, hey,
says Ari. Lank wrong.
I feel my face twisting. "Ja, now you say that. That’s not what you said at the time. You were all like go for it."
I wasn’t!
Ja, you were.
How could you do it, Mart?
Pats says. It was sick.
I look away. There’s a buzzing in my head. I don’t know,
I say. It was like someone else was.
You did it,
says Ari.
Then Pats starts telling me how terrible I am again and I feel some of the other feeling coming back into me and I say, "Fuck him. He deserved. He deserved what he got." There’s this sad little bush to my right, minding its own business. I go over and grab it and start yanking, but it’s tougher than it looks. I grunt and jerk, losing skin on my hands, until the roots rip completely out of the dirt. Then I turn and chuck the whole thing away into the bulrushes. I spit and wipe my mouth, breathing like I just ran a cross-country.
They’re staring at me. There’s summin wrong with you,
Pats says softly.
I point. You were both in it also. Fully.
Ari rubs his nose, says, They were all shitting themselves like I have never seen. Your brother must be some main man at Solomon, or what.
I say, I don’t know. If I did I would have said who I was straightaway.
Which is true cos Marcus never talks to me like when we were little, not for years, not since starting at that high school.
How can your brother be going to Solomon?
There it is, hey. After all this time. I kept it from them as a secret and I could because they’re shul friends who never come to my house to play and Marcus never goes to shul and they never ask me too many questions about my family anyway cos they’re always talking about themselves. But I always knew they’d find out eventually—maybe that’s why I did it today, why I went down there. I put my hands on my hips and look away. Just waiting now for what must come next.
"What high school are you going to next year?"
It feels good in a way, to spit the secret out like a rotten tooth. I’m ganna be going to Solomon also.
They kind of smirk at me for a while until they see that I am dead serious, then they look at each other like oh-my-God. Ari says, "How can you go to Solomon? Pats says,
Why you been lying?"
I was never lying,
I say. But I know that’s not exactly true. For years I’ve been letting them think I’m going to government high school just like they will. I mean I go to a government primary school like them so why wouldn’t I go on to a government high? Plus they know I live in an old bungalow in Greenside with no swimming pool and Greenside boys don’t go to Solomon. They’d maybe believe me if I’d said that other Jewish private school, middle-class—but not Wisdom of Solomon High School for Jewish Boys up in Regent Heights. Never ever. I haven’t been lying! I almost say or shout again to my only two friends, but I bite my lips instead, my face hot. Not lying. I just wasn’t saying. There’s a difference, right? I was just keeping shtum about it until today when I saw the rugby jersey down in the willows. I wanted to stick it in their bladdy faces for once, show them they not better than me cos they’re not.
I thought it would be like, Allow me to introduce you to some fellow Solomon chaps. And the Solomon chaps would say, Oh how delighted to meet you. So frightfully delighted. Cos Solomon is full of gentlemen scholars and I am going to be one too because that’s what I want to be and have friends like and will have. I still can’t believe those okes were really Solomon okes, except they were. Okay so they were some bad apples. But also, on a level, I’m not that surprised by them, I mean when I think of Marcus and how he changed so majorly when he went to Solomon, there’s a part of me that sort of nods and goes uh-huh, exactly, that makes complete sense, but I don’t want to listen to that part. I push it away. That part gives me a sick feeling all the way down into my balls.
Meantime Pats is saying, Your da, he works in a scrapyard. He drives around in that old bashed-up bakkie.
Straightaway I see him, my da Isaac Helger with one knobbly elbow sticking out of that rusted Datsun, driving rattly down Clovelly Road on his way home, whistling in his teeth, his thick forearm covered in ginger curlies like the ginger hair over his sunburnt face full of wrinkles and a blob nose and stickout ears. I hate it that I feel embarrassed but I do.
How can he afford?
says Ari, puffing up and pointing a finger at me like a lawyer in court on TV who is getting the bad guy in the end. I mean financially afford. You have to be able to financially afford!
You are so right, hey,
says Pats to him. "The Sheinbaums go to Solomon. The bladdy Sefferts go. The Ostenbergs send their kids there." He’s talking famous names from the Sunday Times and that—like the owners of the diamonds and the goldmines, the ones who build the big casinos and own the larney shopping malls and the big companies on the stock exchange. There are only three hundred boys at Solomon, and they all come from families like that. Never Greenside scrapmen.
Something,
says Ari, does not add up.
It’s like I am not there, the way they’re discussing me like I’m a medical case. In my head I can see them running home to spill the news about me, little Marty from Shaka Road, and finding out what I already know. That just cos old man Helger might look rough when you see him in shul on Yom Kippur with that old suit that doesn’t fit and no tie and wrinkled neck and boiled-looking hands and face all sunburnt and drives around in a rusted truck doesn’t mean he hasn’t got—doesn’t mean he is like them. Cos they’re the idiots. They don’t know that Isaac Helger owns our scrapyard. They don’t know yet how a place can look dirty and ugly but that doesn’t mean it’s a poor place. Me, I know cos Da has said it so many times, It’s dirty fingernails that digs up real money.
Ari turns to me. They are ganna eat you alive in there, my bru.
Pats says, And what year is your boet, again?
You know Marcus is in matric,
I say. Stop acting.
I’m just saying he’ll be gone next year, bru, when you get to Solomon. Those okes are ganna moer you for what you did.
For what I did. Like they weren’t involved.
Let’s be honest,
Ari is saying. You don’t have any friends. You can’t do sports cos you’re a full-on minco. Your marks are so bad you already been held back a year. You don’t have really much personality, hey, I mean admit. And I mean look what you did today. Something is wrong with you, hey.
No,
I say, dry-mouthed. "It’s what we did." I notice that I’ve started walking up and down, I can’t keep still. It’s bladdy amazing how much they know about me. And it’s sick how right they are. It hits me that everyone who knows you probably always knows a lot more than they say to your face. Only when the kuk hits the fan do you find out, most probably.
You the one who schlepped us down in the first place,
says Pats all calm, touching the bumps on his forehead that are starting to turn blue. I see it then. What they want me to do. All I have to do is say sorry, like always. I have to say it was a hundred per cent my fault. I must do that little laugh I do through my nose and put my head down like I do whenever I lose, acting all Oh well what can I do? It makes me think of our dog, old Sandy, and how she rolls onto her back and shows her soft tummy to be scratched. I have to be that. I’m always that. If I do that now everything will be back to normal and we can all walk to Pats’s house like usual, and play Risk after lunch and I’d lose and we’d play throwing stones in the pool to fetch and I’d lose that game too. All-a-sudden I get it—they’re jealous. I feel my fingernails digging into my collarbone but I don’t remember putting my hand there. Oright,
I say. I’m going, hey.
Going?
says Pats.
Home,
I say.
Oright, go,
says Ari, his face all squinchy like he bit an onion. You go.
I am,
I say.
Fine. Big wank.
It’s not your fault,
says Pats.
Is that right,
I say. As I walk off I hear Ari asking what my problem is. My hands are fists in my pockets. No sports, no marks, no friends.
This one time in the Yard my da caught me out telling a lie. He’d asked me to watch an exhaust for blue smoke. I told Da there was nothing, but I wasn’t even looking, I’d been reading this paperback book called Tales of Mystery and Imagination by Edgar Allan Poe. My da Isaac has these thick fingers and his hands are like sandpaper from all the calluses. He’s old but those hands are so bladdy strong, man. They are like pliers, I swear. He squeezed my arm so I could feel the fingers digging in down to the bone, giving me five bruises that I remember lasted for like two weeks after. I remember every word he said too. Your name is all you have in this world, boy. Once you lose your name, you can never get it back. People have to believe in that name. Helger. If you tell stories, that’s what your name will turn into—bullshit. Don’t ever forget that.
Da is so right. Nothing more important. Look at how those two ran away from the name Marcus Helger, just the name. A name can be a real thing, like a gun or a knife. I will make one for myself at Solomon—for something. Whatever I have to do. I don’t need Ari. I don’t need Pats. I don’t need anyone. My face is wet.
HaShem means The Name. The real name is too holy to ever say aloud.
The next week when I don’t go to shul, Ma asks me why, and I tell her it’s because I don’t believe in The Name anymore.
The Nightmare
5
I’m doing my Playing—my most secret thing—in the garden when I hear the big gate being opened and the car pulling in. We have two gates, both made of steel with spikes, both always locked, obviously. It gives me plenty of time to stop and go inside, but I stay cos I’m so curious. I hear the main gate crashing closed, then a car door slamming, voices and footsteps. Now the inner gate is being unlocked and they walk in—for these few seconds as she comes around on the garden path I have the new girl all to myself. I’m ready to look bored, standing there. I knew it was ganna be a girl, but when I see her it’s like all my blood turns into one solid thing and then someone invisible starts banging a hammer against it. Coming toward me is a full-grown woman, a serious beauty. She has that Middle Eastern look of black curly hair and olive skin with plump red lips. She’s got big round ones under her tight T-shirt and her hips are wide in those green knickerbockers and I see an ankle chain above open shoes with glittery straps and giant cork soles. She’s got a rucksack on her back and a suitcase in each hand.
It’s December 1988 and, God almighty, I cannot believe my luck.
After she’s unpacked in the Olden Room she joins us at the supper table, sitting in Marcus’s old chair, and tells us her name is Annabelle Justine Goldberg, but call me Annie, uh? Please. And let’s see, I’m an anthropology major at Columbia, which is in New York City, USA. And she’s real excited about the teaching position she has arranged here in Johannesburg, South Africa. Her accent is TV and movies. It’s Demi Moore, Michael Jackson, Sly Stallone, Dallas-Dynasty. America! It’s juicy coolness exploding in her mouth compared to how we swallow all our words like we’re ashamed of them.
Teaching where, at Wits?
asks Arlene.
University? No-oh,
Annie says. Elementary school.
What’s that, elementary?
Isaac asks. Izit nursery school?
I think she means primary school,
I say.
Oh yeah,
Annie says. I mean primary, like early grades?
And whereabout’s this school?
Arlene says as she double-stabs the potato salad with wooden spoons.
Julius Caesar,
says Annie. It’s a township?
Arlene freezes in her murdering of the potatoes and just stares at Annie for like ten full seconds, I swear. It’s Arlene who brought this Annie here. Arlene’s been a member of the Johannesburg League of Lady Zionists for donkey’s years and when they asked around for a host family to take a Jewish foreign exchange scholar for a few weeks, she went ahead and volunteered us. She said with Marcus away and Gloria passed on and still unreplaced because of Isaac’s insane stubborn refusing to let us get another maid, the house was empty enough for a guest. The shock to me was how Isaac didn’t start up another round of the shouty screamings over it. He just sort of shrugged. Maybe he’s sick and tired of arguing—there was just so much of it after Marcus did his disappearing act, it took such a long time to reach this Quiet Age as I call it. During the Age of Arguing I started calling them Isaac and Arlene instead of Da and Ma. It was my way to try and remind them to act like grown-ups. As far as I’m concerned, now that I am nearly seventeen years old, we should all be adults in this household, and behave like ones. Arlene and Isaac and Martin. Obviously I don’t call Zaydi by his first name, Abel. Zaydi is, we think, at least like ninety-two. He mostly sits in the garden clicking his false teeth and praying and talking to himself. It wouldn’t feel right to call him anything but Zaydi, which is Jewish for Granpa. Anyway it bugged my folks for a while to be called by their names like adults but they got over it. And now it isn’t just three adults and one senior anymore. Now it’s four of us. It’s plus Annie Goldberg. Annie the not-girl, Annie the full-grown woman heading to a township. Arlene is in shock, Isaac is boiling full of I-knew-I-should-have-stopped-this-bladdy-stuffing-nonsense. And myself? Man, I am still busy thanking my lucky stars. I mean look at her. And my school year is over, it’s summer holidays for me now. We are talking weeks. And I am a virgin.
6
I jerk awake. Another bout of the Nightmare. I lie there groaning, feeling afraid. The clock says two oh five in red numbers. After a while I see some flickering in the gap in the curtains. I get up on my knees to take a looksee. My room is the crappest bedroom, not only cos it’s the size of a closet but cos all the others face the garden while mine faces the backyard which is a concrete square, basically, with Gloria’s old room in one corner, empty now obviously, and a steel windmill thingie for hanging the wash in the middle. Marcus used to train there. I used to watch him wrapping his hands in bandages, used to look up from my books of poetry and spy at him. Watch him skipping with the leather rope going so fast it was like a force field around him. See him smashing at that heavy bag, huffing like a steam locomotive. And then looking down again, reading, say,
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
I’ve always liked the words of poems and how they look on the clean white of the page. If you read them over and over you get this airy, lifty feeling right under your heart, no jokes. So lekker. But I remember it was almost three years ago now, when I was thirteen—right after that bad thing happened at the Emmarentia Dam with Ari and Pats—that I put my book down and went outside and stood waiting there for the round to end. I asked him, You want me to time you?
And my brother just shook his dripping head and stuck his gum guard out. I said, I wanted to ask you. About school. High school. What it’s like . . .
And Marcus just sniffed and wiped his nostrils with that huge forearm, his biceps with the veins swelling up like a party balloon in his cut T-shirt. Then he turned his back on me. So I never did tell him about the Dam. I went inside to a mirror and lifted my sleeve, my face disgusted.
Now I’m kneeling on my bed looking out and seeing the opposite of my brother. I mean it’s body movement but it’s not violent—Annie Goldberg is dancing on the concrete under the bright moon. She is barefoot and has on jeans cut off into shorts and a blue shirt from some sport which I have no idea of that says Seahawks and it’s so bladdy clear that she doesn’t have a bra on underneath. She has headphones on and a Sony Walkman clipped to her waist. The smooth way she dances, it’s like watching oil being poured, I swear. Her arms are going like snakes around her hips, her hips doing that up-and-down fluttery thing that only women seem to be able to. A feeling of pure, absolute wanting rushes through me like a bush fire through dry grass. So strong like I’ve never had before and all-a-sudden she spins around and sees me.
I make like Donald and duck back down so fast it feels like I’ve left my hair behind. I lie there panting like our dog Sandy used to do on a hot day, holding a pillow squashed to my face. Morning comes and I stay in my room till I hear her getting ready and then I sneak out to the fig tree by the garden wall on the Clovelly Road side. Isaac and Arlene have gone to work as usual, and Zaydi has already made his slow way with his canes to the chairs under the plum trees. When Annie steps out, I’m up in the branches and nicely hidden. I watch over the