Tana Ramsay breaks silence on reasons she says she 'still suffers so much guilt'
Tana Ramsay has opened up about the guilt she has after suffering tragedy with her husband Gordon Ramsay.
TV chef Gordon Ramsay’s wife Tana has spoken movingly about the guilt and grief she feels after losing unborn son Rocky eight years ago.
The mother of six who has been married to the chef, restaurateur and TV personality for almost 30 years suffered a miscarriage at five months in 2016.
Since then the couple have gone on to have two more children, Oscar, 4, and baby son Jesse, who she gave birth to last November at the age of 49.
But the broadcaster and author said having more children after their loss had triggered enormous feelings of guilt that she was not mourning Rocky enough.
Speaking on the Postcards from Midlife podcast, she described the tragedy as ‘the biggest shock for all of us’ and something she can ‘never get over’.
She said: “And that’s where I still suffer so much guilt. Did I, should I have known something? Should I have done something differently?
“It’s one of those things that some days you’re absolutely fine and you can kind of justify it. Other days, for some reason, whether it’s because you’re overtired or something triggers you, I can have a day where I just feel really emotional.
“You don’t expect to be holding a baby knowing that they’re not going last more than an hour.
“That is always gonna be something I can never, never get over. And Gordon as well, I think, well, all of us, all of us, I think it was a real shock to everyone.
“I’d never had a miscarriage before that. Also, I just wanted to talk about it. And I didn’t, when people sort of avoided it, you don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable.
“If anyone said to me, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry’, it actually was really nice to hear. You don’t want people to avoid it, or I didn’t.
“Even Oscar now, he talks about Rocky, you know, his brother in the sky or his star. And he’ll come out with things like ‘I really don’t like him being there. Why can’t he just come here?’
“[Gordon] was absolutely devastated, and when it all happened, he wasn’t afraid to sit and just be sad with me. We talked about it so much, and I think it was lucky that we both were very much in a space, where we actually couldn’t wait to try again.
“Because I think also it would have been fair enough to say, I think maybe we don’t, but thankfully we both wanted to.
“But to talk to the kids and to talk to each other about it was just vital. One of the hardest times actually was after I had Oscar, and he must have been about three weeks old. And I had a day where I felt so emotional.
“I think it was the guilt that I didn’t think that I felt enough about Rocky because I’ve been excited with a new baby.
“And that threw me, and I remember Gordon saying to me, it was always going to hit you like this now, because we’ve been so in this bubble. And then suddenly you think, I felt unfair that I hadn’t sort of been thinking enough or sad.
“You can never know what’s around the corner with grief, and we’ve never had anything like that.”
As well as Oscar and Jesse, the couple’s children are Tilly, Megan, Jack and Holly.
