What do you think?
Rate this book
Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship
Although it may seem that humans suffer from an endless number of emotional problems and challenges, Healing Developmental Trauma presents a model for psychotherapy and growth showing that most emotional difficulties can be traced back to the compromised development of one or more five core capacities. These five core capacities are associated with biologically based core needs that are essential to our physical and emotional well-being: the needs for connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, and love-sexuality. Recognizing these needs as well as five Adaptive Survival Styles set in motion when the core needs are not met early in life, authors Laurence Heller and Aline LaPierre cut through the seeming complexity of life’s problems.
Explaining that an impaired capacity for connection to self and to others and the ensuing diminished aliveness are the hidden dimensions that underlie most psychological and many physiological problems, they introduce the NeuroAffective Relational Model® (NARM), a resource-oriented, psychodynamically informed approach that, while not ignoring a person’s past, emphasizes working in the present moment. NARM uses somatic mindfulness to re-regulate the nervous system and to resolve identity distortions—such as low self-esteem, shame, and chronic self-judgment—caused by developmental and relational trauma. Heller and LaPierre demonstrate how this therapy helps clients establish connection to the parts of self that are organized, coherent and functional, integrating the role of connection on all levels of experience as it affects a person's physiology, psychology, and capacity for relationship.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
Explaining that an impaired capacity for connection to self and to others and the ensuing diminished aliveness are the hidden dimensions that underlie most psychological and many physiological problems, they introduce the NeuroAffective Relational Model® (NARM), a resource-oriented, psychodynamically informed approach that, while not ignoring a person’s past, emphasizes working in the present moment. NARM uses somatic mindfulness to re-regulate the nervous system and to resolve identity distortions—such as low self-esteem, shame, and chronic self-judgment—caused by developmental and relational trauma. Heller and LaPierre demonstrate how this therapy helps clients establish connection to the parts of self that are organized, coherent and functional, integrating the role of connection on all levels of experience as it affects a person's physiology, psychology, and capacity for relationship.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
320 pages, ebook
First published January 1, 2012
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 118 reviews
May 27, 2019
Powerful.
Wonderful.
Smart.
Inspirational read.
WARNING TO NON-CLINICIANS:
The book is written for therapist, so it’s a little technical for an untrained reader, and probably not as useful as some other books on the subject.
A better option for a non therapist reader would be The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Vanderkolk. I also LOVE Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nakazawa.
WARNING TO CLINICIANS:
Many of the theories posited in the book are not rigorously supported by evidence or clinical trials, and should be considered as theoretical in nature, and primarily useful as constructs for clinical orientation.
If you’re still interested after all that, than by all means, read on:
The book is essentially a brief primer on the physiology and etiology of trauma, and a manual for the Neuro-Adaptive Relational Model (NARM), a trauma focused therapeutic modality.
Authors Laurence Heller, PhD and Aline Lapierre, PsyD differentiate between what they term ‘shock’ trauma and ‘developmental’ trauma.
Shock Trauma:
Refers to trauma that is primarily associated with particularly aversive event(s); e.g. combat, assault, medical procedures, automobile accidents etc.
Developmental Trauma:
Refers to trauma that is emergent from chronic exposure to early life adversity e.g. insecure parental attachment dynamics and/or other pervasive early life threats to emotional safety and security.
The authors more generally refer to these types of chronic exposures as ‘environmental failures’.
NARM posits that a host of predictable, potentially highly problematic internal and relational dynamics can emerge resultant to the ways we adapt to survive and get our needs met in the presence of said environmental failures.
Shame and Pride:
In psychodynamic theory, an ‘identification’ refers to an unconscious process by which someone patterns themself after another person, or based on an important relationship or even in response to a significant event.
The authors assert that painful shame based self identifications occur in response to developmental trauma, and consequent pride based counter-identifications, as well as other defenses such as resistance and denial function to protect against the pain of shame based identifications.
The authors state that many well meaning dynamically oriented therapists assume their job is to challenge defenses.
The authors assert that there is a danger in challenging protective pride based identifications and defenses without working through the deeper shame based identifications first.
In other words, NARM maintains that the therapists job is to explore and assist in resolving the shame, not remove the defenses against the shame.
Embodiment:
Similarly, a common notion for somatically oriented clinicians is that dissociation is bad and embodiment is good.
Consequently, many well intended somatically oriented clinicians assume it’s their job to help a dissociated client ‘get back into their bodies’.
Analogously, NARM maintains that dissociation (how ever problematic) is a valuable resource that protects against overstimulation.
The authors warn against pushing the client toward embodiment without previously exploring and resourcing the trauma linked discomfort that elicits the dissociative response.
There is a saying in AA; “it’s not the thing, it’s the thing behind the thing that’s the thing”.
NARM views the therapist role as identifying, exploring and resourcing the thing behind the thing.
Aliveness and Expansion:
The authors assert that enhancing the sense of expansive aliveness is the goal of NARM, in contrast to other models which target symptom reduction.
Metallization and Somatic Mindfulness:
NARM integrates Somatic Experiencing (SE); a body oriented trauma treatment, with attachment theory, and relationally oriented psychodynamic psychotherapy.
The authors claim that SE is absolutely sufficient for treatment of ‘shock’ trauma, but that treatment of ‘developmental’ trauma necessitates the additional attachment based and relational components.
Their assertion stems from the assumption that the self and relational schema that invariably accompany developmental trauma interact with the somatic symptoms in a feedback loop, and both of these cognitive and affective processes need to be addressed in order to ‘break the cycle’.
Bottom up processes refer to somatically originating, emotionally significant feelings.
Top down processes refer to cognitive appraisals, beliefs, thought and self structures and self talk.
Most therapy addresses either bottom up or top down processes without conceptualizing their reciprocal ‘loop’ like nature of internal processes.
That authors assert that biasing therapy towards either aspect of an individual’s internal processes risks failure to interrupt self perpetuating cycles of distress, particularly in the case of developmental trauma.
NARM uses SE and somatically oriented ‘bottom up’ mindfulness skills to anchor therapeutic work in the here and now, embodied experiences, with specific affordances payed to discharging (rather than accumulating) trauma linked tensions.
Additionally, NARM utilizes talk therapy e.g. insight oriented work and mentalization to facilitate normalization, adaptive reframing, and restricting of maladaptive schema.
Survival Styles:
NARM posits that exposure to early life trauma elicits the adaptation of various survival styles.
The Survival Styles (adapted from Reich’s character structures) are developed in response to environmental failures and function to ‘protect the attachment relationship.
NARM utilizes the Survival Style constructs to assist in identification of the long term effects of early life traumatic exposure, with the intent of exploration, normalization and eventual restructuring.
The Connection Style:
Individuals with this survival style have a difficulty connecting with others, feel disconnected to their bodies, and resort to dissociative strategies to cope with overwhelm.
Individuals with the connection style use interpersonal distancing in place of healthy boundaries.
A subset are drawn to spiritual practices or movements that encourage disassociation.
The Attunment Style:
Typified by a general difficulty identifying, understanding and communicating their own needs.
Individuals with this style often resort to depressive defenses, and general withdrawal and down regulation of social engagement to cope with overwhelm.
The Trust Style:
Typified by pervasive feelings of mistrust in others abilities to meet their needs.
Individuals with this style are driven by the deep belief that they can not depend on anyone other than them selves and the pervasive need to be in control.
The Autonomy Style:
Typified by feelings on dependence, the sense of not being up to the task of life, and fear of being alone or out of relationship.
In contrast to the previous style, individuals with the Autonomy Style display highly dependent traits.
The Love and Sex Style:
Typified by inability to integrate loving relations with sexual relations.
Acting In, Acting Out, and Enactments:
The Connection and Attunment Styles are typified by ‘acting in’ or internalizing behavior.
The Trust and Autonomy Styles are typified by ‘acting out’ or externalizing behaviors.
The Sex/Love Style is primarily played out in relationships as reenactments, i.e. repetitive, fixed, ridged relational patterns that are largely determined by our insecure attachment behaviors.
Anyway:
As should be obvious, the book is densely packed with interesting therapeutic goodness.
I’m reluctant to adapt traditional SE, but the integration of the attachment and relational pieces make NARM more attractive to my clinical instincts and theoretical sensibilities.
In other words, NARM pleases my heart, head and guts. I’m not sure if I will invest in further training. But I loved this book and I’m definitely craving more more more NARM!
Five Stars ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Wonderful.
Smart.
Inspirational read.
WARNING TO NON-CLINICIANS:
The book is written for therapist, so it’s a little technical for an untrained reader, and probably not as useful as some other books on the subject.
A better option for a non therapist reader would be The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Vanderkolk. I also LOVE Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nakazawa.
WARNING TO CLINICIANS:
Many of the theories posited in the book are not rigorously supported by evidence or clinical trials, and should be considered as theoretical in nature, and primarily useful as constructs for clinical orientation.
If you’re still interested after all that, than by all means, read on:
The book is essentially a brief primer on the physiology and etiology of trauma, and a manual for the Neuro-Adaptive Relational Model (NARM), a trauma focused therapeutic modality.
Authors Laurence Heller, PhD and Aline Lapierre, PsyD differentiate between what they term ‘shock’ trauma and ‘developmental’ trauma.
Shock Trauma:
Refers to trauma that is primarily associated with particularly aversive event(s); e.g. combat, assault, medical procedures, automobile accidents etc.
Developmental Trauma:
Refers to trauma that is emergent from chronic exposure to early life adversity e.g. insecure parental attachment dynamics and/or other pervasive early life threats to emotional safety and security.
The authors more generally refer to these types of chronic exposures as ‘environmental failures’.
NARM posits that a host of predictable, potentially highly problematic internal and relational dynamics can emerge resultant to the ways we adapt to survive and get our needs met in the presence of said environmental failures.
Shame and Pride:
In psychodynamic theory, an ‘identification’ refers to an unconscious process by which someone patterns themself after another person, or based on an important relationship or even in response to a significant event.
The authors assert that painful shame based self identifications occur in response to developmental trauma, and consequent pride based counter-identifications, as well as other defenses such as resistance and denial function to protect against the pain of shame based identifications.
The authors state that many well meaning dynamically oriented therapists assume their job is to challenge defenses.
The authors assert that there is a danger in challenging protective pride based identifications and defenses without working through the deeper shame based identifications first.
In other words, NARM maintains that the therapists job is to explore and assist in resolving the shame, not remove the defenses against the shame.
Embodiment:
Similarly, a common notion for somatically oriented clinicians is that dissociation is bad and embodiment is good.
Consequently, many well intended somatically oriented clinicians assume it’s their job to help a dissociated client ‘get back into their bodies’.
Analogously, NARM maintains that dissociation (how ever problematic) is a valuable resource that protects against overstimulation.
The authors warn against pushing the client toward embodiment without previously exploring and resourcing the trauma linked discomfort that elicits the dissociative response.
There is a saying in AA; “it’s not the thing, it’s the thing behind the thing that’s the thing”.
NARM views the therapist role as identifying, exploring and resourcing the thing behind the thing.
Aliveness and Expansion:
The authors assert that enhancing the sense of expansive aliveness is the goal of NARM, in contrast to other models which target symptom reduction.
Metallization and Somatic Mindfulness:
NARM integrates Somatic Experiencing (SE); a body oriented trauma treatment, with attachment theory, and relationally oriented psychodynamic psychotherapy.
The authors claim that SE is absolutely sufficient for treatment of ‘shock’ trauma, but that treatment of ‘developmental’ trauma necessitates the additional attachment based and relational components.
Their assertion stems from the assumption that the self and relational schema that invariably accompany developmental trauma interact with the somatic symptoms in a feedback loop, and both of these cognitive and affective processes need to be addressed in order to ‘break the cycle’.
Bottom up processes refer to somatically originating, emotionally significant feelings.
Top down processes refer to cognitive appraisals, beliefs, thought and self structures and self talk.
Most therapy addresses either bottom up or top down processes without conceptualizing their reciprocal ‘loop’ like nature of internal processes.
That authors assert that biasing therapy towards either aspect of an individual’s internal processes risks failure to interrupt self perpetuating cycles of distress, particularly in the case of developmental trauma.
NARM uses SE and somatically oriented ‘bottom up’ mindfulness skills to anchor therapeutic work in the here and now, embodied experiences, with specific affordances payed to discharging (rather than accumulating) trauma linked tensions.
Additionally, NARM utilizes talk therapy e.g. insight oriented work and mentalization to facilitate normalization, adaptive reframing, and restricting of maladaptive schema.
Survival Styles:
NARM posits that exposure to early life trauma elicits the adaptation of various survival styles.
The Survival Styles (adapted from Reich’s character structures) are developed in response to environmental failures and function to ‘protect the attachment relationship.
NARM utilizes the Survival Style constructs to assist in identification of the long term effects of early life traumatic exposure, with the intent of exploration, normalization and eventual restructuring.
The Connection Style:
Individuals with this survival style have a difficulty connecting with others, feel disconnected to their bodies, and resort to dissociative strategies to cope with overwhelm.
Individuals with the connection style use interpersonal distancing in place of healthy boundaries.
A subset are drawn to spiritual practices or movements that encourage disassociation.
The Attunment Style:
Typified by a general difficulty identifying, understanding and communicating their own needs.
Individuals with this style often resort to depressive defenses, and general withdrawal and down regulation of social engagement to cope with overwhelm.
The Trust Style:
Typified by pervasive feelings of mistrust in others abilities to meet their needs.
Individuals with this style are driven by the deep belief that they can not depend on anyone other than them selves and the pervasive need to be in control.
The Autonomy Style:
Typified by feelings on dependence, the sense of not being up to the task of life, and fear of being alone or out of relationship.
In contrast to the previous style, individuals with the Autonomy Style display highly dependent traits.
The Love and Sex Style:
Typified by inability to integrate loving relations with sexual relations.
Acting In, Acting Out, and Enactments:
The Connection and Attunment Styles are typified by ‘acting in’ or internalizing behavior.
The Trust and Autonomy Styles are typified by ‘acting out’ or externalizing behaviors.
The Sex/Love Style is primarily played out in relationships as reenactments, i.e. repetitive, fixed, ridged relational patterns that are largely determined by our insecure attachment behaviors.
Anyway:
As should be obvious, the book is densely packed with interesting therapeutic goodness.
I’m reluctant to adapt traditional SE, but the integration of the attachment and relational pieces make NARM more attractive to my clinical instincts and theoretical sensibilities.
In other words, NARM pleases my heart, head and guts. I’m not sure if I will invest in further training. But I loved this book and I’m definitely craving more more more NARM!
Five Stars ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
September 11, 2016
Far from a dry read of psychological theory, this book gives a concise, non-pathologizing process for healing developmental trauma, e.g. childhood abuse. This process, known as NARM, the Neuro Affective Relational Model, focuses on how trauma affects our ability to have safe, productive, constructive relational experiences with self and others and the dire effects that has on our ability to function daily and find meaning and purpose in life. There are five "survival styles" depicted and delineated in this book and traits, coping styles, coping strategies and therapeutic interventions for each style. The book also takes the reader through a number of therapeutic sessions with those who have these difficulties and how a NARM therapist works with the client to achieve recovery. The book also gives the reader a foundation for understanding how developmental trauma affects the brain and central nervous system. I have read other authors on the physiological aspects of trauma before but never was able to fully understand the scope of the damage. This books does a superb job of depicting how NARM works to help recover, the triggers for each survival style and how the body/brain works to keep us safe/surviving through the experiences with easy to follow tables and pictorial charts and graphs. I highly recommend this book for anyone who is trying to make sense of their own struggle with trauma and for any health professional who needs education and information to recognize and utilize tools to help those in their care. If only this was taught in every university and required for every medical and health professional, we would find more competent healing for those in this very serious distress.
November 24, 2014
This book really illuminates the trauma experienced in childhood when primary caregivers are unable to provide healthy attachment experiences with their children either because they suffer from addiction, mental illness, or have not worked through their own attachment trauma. Heller really puts some amazing pieces together to form a whole picture of how adaptations to early attachment trauma create patterns of behavior that carry into adulthood. The science behind the physiological responses to trauma is increasingly becoming a part of informed treatment in working with clients healing from all types of trauma and is so important in overcoming barriers (often mislabeled as resistance) and avoiding re-traumatizing clients in the therapeutic setting.
My only complaint about this book is some of the repetition of main ideas, but maybe they are so important they bear repeating.
My only complaint about this book is some of the repetition of main ideas, but maybe they are so important they bear repeating.
June 28, 2016
If I were just reviewing the second half of this book I would give it four stars. The clinical vignettes, interventions, and approach to psychotherapy are illuminating, exciting, and immediately applicable. The focus on the body, integrating experience, and facilitating self-regulation are excellent clinical interventions that are described systematically and coherently. I am considering the multi-year training course because I can easily see how these methods could be of valuable use in clinical practice.
The first half of the book however, is mostly devoted to a theory development that is completely without evidence. The five critical opportunities for developmental trauma are interesting (though less interesting than the enneagram), but as far as I can tell, completely without empirical substantiation or cross-cultural analysis. I find it personally irritating when psychologists misrepresent theory for fact or fail to acknowledge that they are are describing theoretical causes for symptoms in a particular sociohistorical context so, minus two stars.
The first half of the book however, is mostly devoted to a theory development that is completely without evidence. The five critical opportunities for developmental trauma are interesting (though less interesting than the enneagram), but as far as I can tell, completely without empirical substantiation or cross-cultural analysis. I find it personally irritating when psychologists misrepresent theory for fact or fail to acknowledge that they are are describing theoretical causes for symptoms in a particular sociohistorical context so, minus two stars.
March 22, 2024
Accurately draws together all major lines of theory, research.
Their approach views developmental trauma as leading to five main adaptive/organizing styles, depending on age when trauma began relating to connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, and love-sexuality. Most of the book addresses how to deal with connection difficulties, but arguably all are intertwined.
A couple of chapters give case studies of how therapy may proceed from this model. It is a somatic approach - and is similar, if not indistinguishable to many forms of therapies such as Hakomi, somatic experiencing etc., at which point the particular model and theory cease to have importance in my view.
For the amount of information that's in there, it's still easy to read and understand. I felt the authors' presence and humaneness when reading, definitely not always the case. They appear to have an deep understanding of the intricate difficulties those with developmental trauma experience - there were some insights I had not thought of before.
And whilst clinical examples are given, arguably, we've all suffered less that perfect i.e. "good enough" parenting, thus there are aspects anyone will be able to identify with and find use of in here.
Will definitely return to this for bites of information.
Their approach views developmental trauma as leading to five main adaptive/organizing styles, depending on age when trauma began relating to connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, and love-sexuality. Most of the book addresses how to deal with connection difficulties, but arguably all are intertwined.
A couple of chapters give case studies of how therapy may proceed from this model. It is a somatic approach - and is similar, if not indistinguishable to many forms of therapies such as Hakomi, somatic experiencing etc., at which point the particular model and theory cease to have importance in my view.
For the amount of information that's in there, it's still easy to read and understand. I felt the authors' presence and humaneness when reading, definitely not always the case. They appear to have an deep understanding of the intricate difficulties those with developmental trauma experience - there were some insights I had not thought of before.
And whilst clinical examples are given, arguably, we've all suffered less that perfect i.e. "good enough" parenting, thus there are aspects anyone will be able to identify with and find use of in here.
Will definitely return to this for bites of information.
February 3, 2020
As a therapist I was very disappointed in this book. It should be called "Trauma 101 and look how we stole SE's ideas without any research of our own to back it up".
Nothing new here folks, just cobbling together other people's theories and renaming it. Identity principles... you mean attachment styles? Poly-vagal, gestalt, mindfulness, they brought it all in. This book offers the basic fundamentals of therapy which every therapist knows yet tries to wrap it up in something new (NARM) without really telling you what they actually do. The two vignettes have to do with therapeutic touch but there was not a chapter based on therapeutic touch... Huh?
Everything was easy to understand so if you're a layman coming to understand developmental trauma it's a good starter. And then it just gets redundant after awhile regurgitating the same things in oh so many different ways.
Nothing new here folks, just cobbling together other people's theories and renaming it. Identity principles... you mean attachment styles? Poly-vagal, gestalt, mindfulness, they brought it all in. This book offers the basic fundamentals of therapy which every therapist knows yet tries to wrap it up in something new (NARM) without really telling you what they actually do. The two vignettes have to do with therapeutic touch but there was not a chapter based on therapeutic touch... Huh?
Everything was easy to understand so if you're a layman coming to understand developmental trauma it's a good starter. And then it just gets redundant after awhile regurgitating the same things in oh so many different ways.
November 7, 2015
A really useful book for anyone dealing with the effects of childhood trauma, or even the consequences of later "shock" trauma. With a small grounding in these techniques some decades ago, I have by instinct worked out ways to process much of the traumatic experiences that have been so much part of my life, both childhood abuse and combat related ptsd. This book just formalized my own approach and provided reinforcement of my internal sense of conviction that this is the way forward and of my sense of trust in the process. It has been so validating to see my own experience recounted by someone with a professional background and understanding.
In my experience what is pointed to in this book as an approach to the resolution of trauma is the only comprehensive way forward. It's a must for clinicians and if they haven't read it and understood its message their effectiveness in helping those who have so suffered is highly suspect.
In my experience what is pointed to in this book as an approach to the resolution of trauma is the only comprehensive way forward. It's a must for clinicians and if they haven't read it and understood its message their effectiveness in helping those who have so suffered is highly suspect.
March 5, 2014
Lawrence Heller and Aline Lapierre deliver a brilliant synthesis of developmental psychology, psychoanalytic theory and the work of Peter Levine (Somatic Experienceing). Heller and Lapierre bring together "top down" and "bottom up" approaches to understanding and intervening in with challenges of developmental trauma and nervous system disregulation which are critical in understanding emotional wellbeing.
This book extremely well written and easy to digest despite the complexity that is addressed here. Reading it is an absolute joy and filled with key insights. There are many helpful graphics and case examples.
Nothing short of revolutionary!
This book extremely well written and easy to digest despite the complexity that is addressed here. Reading it is an absolute joy and filled with key insights. There are many helpful graphics and case examples.
Nothing short of revolutionary!
July 1, 2016
Perhaps this is really a 4-star book but when compared to Bessel van der Kolk's "The Body Keeps the Score", this book felt like a distant second place. The 5 subtypes of developmental trauma in the beginning of the book were interesting but overly-generalized without enough room to contain variants and amalgamations which clearly exist. Only 1 of the 5 subtypes was explored in depth, the "Connection" subtype, which was a big disappointment. Based on the level of self-promotion and trademarked terms repeated throughout, I wonder if this is an intro to 4 future books for the other subtypes. I won't be reading them. The second half of the book does deliver concrete guidance to heal or assist in healing, but overall, the science felt sparse and the NARM(tm) infomercial slant of the book turned me off. I remain partial to team van der Kolk.
November 6, 2017
Overall, this book is written in accessible scientific language. It was very enlightening for me to understand myself as well as others, and that we are all somewhat damaged (whether it be intentionally or unintentionally) by our families of origin.
“As a result of the earliest trauma, individuals with the Connection Survival Style have disconnected from their bodies, from themselves, and from relationship. Connection types have two seemingly different coping styles or subtypes: the thinking and the spiritualizing subtypes. To manage the pain of early trauma, some individuals disconnect from their bodies and live in their minds. They value thinking and logic over feelings and emotions. Other individuals, having never embodied, manage their disconnection by spiritualizing their experience. These individuals tend to live in the energetic field, in more ethereal realms. Individuals of both subtypes are disconnected from their bodies and when asked what they are feeling in their body, find the question challenging, anxiety producing, and often impossible to answer” (37).
“As a result of the earliest trauma, individuals with the Connection Survival Style have disconnected from their bodies, from themselves, and from relationship. Connection types have two seemingly different coping styles or subtypes: the thinking and the spiritualizing subtypes. To manage the pain of early trauma, some individuals disconnect from their bodies and live in their minds. They value thinking and logic over feelings and emotions. Other individuals, having never embodied, manage their disconnection by spiritualizing their experience. These individuals tend to live in the energetic field, in more ethereal realms. Individuals of both subtypes are disconnected from their bodies and when asked what they are feeling in their body, find the question challenging, anxiety producing, and often impossible to answer” (37).
July 14, 2014
This book is a blueprint into our subconsciousness. It explains why all of us at times act in a very irrational way, why we can't quite control it, why we deny that fact and why we can also be resistant to seeking out or receiving the help we need.
The authors present the subject matter in a very non-judgmental and non pathological way; they use cause and effect approach. They also don't just present a problem, they present a healing approach that is holistic as it draws upon many different psychological treatment approaches.
The book is written in a more scientific language, but things are laid out in concise digestible blocks. I would say it's a must read for everyone, as none of us really escape developmental trauma or some mis-attunement in our childhood and it has profound effects on us as adults. This book gave me not just a great insight into myself, but also in those around me.
The authors present the subject matter in a very non-judgmental and non pathological way; they use cause and effect approach. They also don't just present a problem, they present a healing approach that is holistic as it draws upon many different psychological treatment approaches.
The book is written in a more scientific language, but things are laid out in concise digestible blocks. I would say it's a must read for everyone, as none of us really escape developmental trauma or some mis-attunement in our childhood and it has profound effects on us as adults. This book gave me not just a great insight into myself, but also in those around me.
December 15, 2020
Am citit o candva anul trecut, la recomandare.
Mi s a parut greoaie, cu prea putine lucruri interesante si aplicabile, cel putin pentru un nonpsiholog. Pe langa discutiile terapeutice si clasificari ale diverselor probleme, mai degraba patologii, este introdusa si metoda atingerii.
Situatii extreme si deznodaminte triste.
Mi s a parut greoaie, cu prea putine lucruri interesante si aplicabile, cel putin pentru un nonpsiholog. Pe langa discutiile terapeutice si clasificari ale diverselor probleme, mai degraba patologii, este introdusa si metoda atingerii.
Situatii extreme si deznodaminte triste.
August 31, 2024
Attachment Theory + Somatic Experiencing—
The five adaptive survival styles the book describes—connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, and love-sexuality—were really illuminating and I kept thinking of my friends and clients who fit the mold exactly. The descriptions of a NARM therapy session and NeuroAffective touch, too, were helpful and exciting to read, especially since I have a background in spiritual massage therapy with an emphasis on energy and touch. On the other hand, though, I didn’t find the physiology of developmental/relational trauma too interesting as it was pretty similar to the physiology of general (shock?) trauma that Somatic Experiencing covers.
Overall, I didn’t quite get the impression that NARM was a distinct modality on its own—rather, it felt like an offshoot of SE, or a dressed-up version of SE as SE constitutes the core of the methodology.
A recommended read for anyone interested in somatic therapy.
The five adaptive survival styles the book describes—connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, and love-sexuality—were really illuminating and I kept thinking of my friends and clients who fit the mold exactly. The descriptions of a NARM therapy session and NeuroAffective touch, too, were helpful and exciting to read, especially since I have a background in spiritual massage therapy with an emphasis on energy and touch. On the other hand, though, I didn’t find the physiology of developmental/relational trauma too interesting as it was pretty similar to the physiology of general (shock?) trauma that Somatic Experiencing covers.
Overall, I didn’t quite get the impression that NARM was a distinct modality on its own—rather, it felt like an offshoot of SE, or a dressed-up version of SE as SE constitutes the core of the methodology.
A recommended read for anyone interested in somatic therapy.
September 10, 2023
truthfully, five stars is a very high review for me. But that is how much I enjoyed this book. I think this is a very useful tool for anyone in clinical work. I do not think this is a good read for people who are outside of clinical work as it can open a lot of doors that you might need help walking through. As a clinician, this gave me a lot of new strategies and new perspectives for the therapy room.
April 21, 2021
I wrote around twelve pages of notes from this book.
August 13, 2015
the most important book i've read
April 27, 2021
lmfaoooooooooo
April 6, 2020
2018.11.01–2018.11.07
Contents
Heller L & LaPierre A (2012) (10:29) Healing Developmental Trauma - How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship
Acknowledgments
List of Figures
• 01.1. Exercise to Help Identify Experiences of Expansion and Aliveness
• 01.2. Distortions of the Life Force
• 01.3. Top-Down and Bottom-Up Information Flow
• 01.4. The Distress Cycle
• 01.5. The NARM Healing Cycle
• 06.1. Distortions of the Life Force in Each of the Five Adaptive Survival Styles
• 07.1. Schema of the Nervous System
• 10.1. Exercise to Help Identify Positive Resources
• 10.2. Exercise to Explore Early Gaze Dynamics
• 12.1. Distortions of the Life Force (Same As Figure 1.2)
• 12.2. Exercise to Support the Exploration of One’s Relationship to Anger
List of Tables
• I.1. NARM’s Five Core Needs and Their Associated Core Capacities
• I.2. The Five Adaptive Survival Styles and Their Core Difficulties
• I.3. Development of Core Capacities and the Formation of Adaptive Survival Styles
• I.4. Shame-Based Identifications and Pride-Based Counter-Identifications for Each Adaptive Survival Style
• 01.1. Foreclosure of the Self to Maintain the Attachment Relationship
• 02.1. Key Features of the Connection Survival Style
• 02.2. Therapeutic Strategies for the Connection Survival Style
• 03.1. Comparison of the Two Attunement Survival Style Subtypes
• 03.2. Key Features of the Attunement Survival Style
• 03.3. Therapeutic Strategies for the Attunement Survival Style
• 04.1. Key Features of the Trust Survival Style
• 04.2. Therapeutic Strategies for the Trust Survival Style
• 05.1. Key Features of the Autonomy Survival Style
• 05.2. Therapeutic Strategies for the Autonomy Survival Style
• 06.1. Key Features of the Love-Sexuality Survival Style
• 06.2. Therapeutic Strategies for the Love-Sexuality Survival Style
• 07.1. Sympathetically and Parasympathetically Driven Changes that Occur in the Body in Response to Stress or Threat
• 07.2. Some Physiological Markers of the Differences between Coherence and Activation
• 08.1. Recognizing the Symptoms of Early Trauma
• 08.2. Early Sources of Trauma
• 08.3. Distortions of Healthy Aggression
• 08.4. Effects of Early Trauma on Health
• 08.5. Characteristics of Healthy and Compromised Energetic Boundaries
• 10.1. Primary Principles, Tools, and Techniques Used in the NARM Approach
• 10.2. Overview of the Basic Steps to Reconnection
• 10.3. Impact of Trauma on the Eyes
• 10.4. Techniques Useful in Managing the Therapeutic Process of Connection
• 10.5. Therapeutic Themes to Keep in Mind When Working with the Connection Survival Style
• 10.6. Shame-Based Identifications and Pride-Based Counter-Identifications (partial list)
• 10.7. Summary of Principles and Techniques that Inform the NARM Therapeutic Process with the Connection Survival Style
Introduction to the NeuroAffective Relational Model™
• The price of freedom is eternal mindfulness.
• Five Biologically Based Core Needs
• Five Adaptive Survival Styles
• Core NARM Principles
• Self and Affect Regulation
• Bringing Self-Regulation into Clinical Practice
• Supporting an Increasing Capacity for Aliveness
• The Life Force, Aliveness, and Emotions
• Distortions of the Life Force
• Working Therapeutically with Distortions of the Life Force
• Somatic Mindfulness
• Mindfulness of the Adaptive Survival Styles
• Shame-Based Identifications and Pride-Based Counter-Identifications
• The Distress Cycle
• The NARM Healing Cycle
• The Neuroaffective Relational Model in Historical Context
• • Psychodynamic Psychotherapies
• • Transference Dynamics
• • Somatic Psychotherapies
• • Somatic Experiencing®
• • Gestalt Therapy
• • Cognitive Therapy
• • Affective Neuroscience
• • Esoteric Approaches
• A Fundamental Shift
• • A Unified Systemic Model
• • Working with the Life Force
Part A: The Five Adaptive Survival Styles
01. Overview
• The Need-Satisfaction Cycle
• Adaptive Survival Styles
• Protecting the Attachment Relationship
• Identity and Identifications
• Survival Styles and the Body
• Looking Through the Lens of Developmental and Relational Trauma
02. Connection: The First Organizing Principle
• Development of the Connection Survival Style
• The Connection Survival Style in the Adult
• • The Thinking Subtype
• • The Spiritualizing Subtype
• • Identity
• • Isolation
• Growth Strategies for the Connection Survival Style
• Moving Toward Resolution
03. Attunement: The Second Organizing Principle
• DEVELOPMENT OF THE ATTUNEMENT SURVIVAL STYLE
• • Inadequate Attunement, Broken Attachment, and Deprivation
• • The Inability to Express Need and Want
• • Factors that Contribute to the Development of the Attunement Survival Style
• • How Nurturing Deficits Are Managed Through Disconnection
• THE ATTUNEMENT SURVIVAL STYLE IN THE ADULT
• • The Inhibited Subtype
• • The Unsatisfied Subtype
• • Identity
• • Giving to Get
• GROWTH STRATEGIES FOR THE ATTUNEMENT SURVIVAL STYLE
• Moving Toward Resolution
04. Trust: The Third Organizing Principle
• DEVELOPMENT OF THE TRUST SURVIVAL STYLE
• • Rewarded for Selling Out
• • Abuse and Horror
• THE TRUST SURVIVAL STYLE IN THE ADULT
• • The Seductive Subtype
• • The Overpowering Subtype
• • Identity
• • Control
• • Power
• • Fear of Failure
• • Relationship and Sex
• • Projective Identification
• • Denial and Rationalization
• GROWTH STRATEGIES FOR THE TRUST SURVIVAL STYLE
• Moving Toward Resolution
05. Autonomy: The Fourth Organizing Principle
• DEVELOPMENT OF THE AUTONOMY SURVIVAL STYLE
• THE AUTONOMY SURVIVAL STYLE IN THE ADULT
• • Paralyzed by Internal Conflict
• • Fear of Intimacy
• • Living with Pressure
• • Rumination
• • Ambivalence Toward Authority
• GROWTH STRATEGIES FOR THE AUTONOMY SURVIVAL STYLE
• Moving Toward Resolution
• Non-Goal Orientation
06. Love and Sexuality: The Fifth Organizing Principle
• DEVELOPMENT OF THE LOVE-SEXUALITY SURVIVAL STYLE
• THE LOVE-SEXUALITY SURVIVAL STYLE IN THE ADULT
• • The Romantic Subtype
• • The Sexual Subtype
• • Identity
• • Doers
• • Relationships
• GROWTH STRATEGIES FOR THE LOVE-SEXUALITY SURVIVAL STYLE
• Moving Toward Resolution
• IN CONCLUSION: THE FIVE SURVIVAL STYLES
• The Diminishment of Aliveness in the Five Adaptive Survival Styles
Part B: The Connection Survival Style
07. Physiology and Trauma: Understanding the Impact of Trauma on Development
• SECTION I: THE BODY’S COMMUNICATION AND INFORMATION NETWORKS
• • The Nervous System
• • • The Central Nervous System
• • • The Peripheral Nervous System
• • The Autonomic Nervous System
• • • The Polyvagal Theory
• • • • Our Bottom-Up Evolution
• • • • Workers, Managers, and Executives
• • • • The Polyvagal System
• • Building Blocks of Nervous System Organization
• • • Hebb’s Law
• • • Pruning
• • • Qualia and Reentry
• • • Pattern-Matching
• • • Windows of Sensitivity
• • • Plasticity and Permanence
• • The Endocrine System
• • • The Stress Response
• • • The Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis
• • • The Sympathetic-Adrenal-Medullary System
• • Emotions
• • Memory
• • • Explicit and Implicit Memory
• • • Implicit Relational Knowing
• • • Emotions, Memory, and Trauma
• • • State-Dependent Memory
• SECTION II: UNDERSTANDING TRAUMA RESPONSES
• • The Defensive-Orienting Response
• • Hypervigilance
• • The Fight-Flight-Freeze Response
• • The Exploratory-Orienting Response
• SECTION III: THE IMPACT OF TRAUMA ON EARLY DEVELOPMENT
• • Shock Trauma versus Developmental Trauma
• • The Impact of Chronic High Arousal on Early Life
• • The Effects of Chronic Threat
• • Range of Resiliency
• • Coherence
• CONCLUSION
08. The Beginning of Our Identity: Understanding the Connection Survival Style
• THE BEGINNING OF OUR IDENTITY
• • The Distress Cycle in the Connection Stage
• • Early Developmental and Shock Trauma Held in Implicit Memory
• THE IMPACT OF EARLY TRAUMA
• • Prenatal Trauma and Prenatal Attachment
• • • The Impact of Family and Environment on Fetal Development
• • Birth Trauma
• • • Premature Birth
• • • Traumatic Symbiosis
• • Perinatal Trauma
• • • Attachment and Self-Regulation
• • • The Interplay of Shock and Developmental Trauma
• • Relational Trauma: Neglect, Abuse, Ongoing Threat
• • • The Unwanted Child
• • • The Abused Child and the Hated Child
• • • Neglect
• • • Adoption
• THE CONNECTION SURVIVAL STYLE: THE ADULT EXPERIENCE
• • Identifying the Organizing Life Principle
• • Distress in Search of an Explanation
• • • Nameless Dread
• • • The Designated Issue
• • Self-Image and Self-Esteem
• • • Shame and Self-Hatred
• • • The Search for Meaning
• • Dissociation: Bearing the Unbearable
• • • A Universal Human Response
• • • The Energetics of Dissociation
• • • Dissociation as a Lifestyle
• • The Dissociative Continuum: Numbing, Splitting, Fragmentation
• • • Numbing
• • • Splitting
• • • Aggression: Acting In and Acting Out
• • • Fragmentation
• • The Interaction of Physical Structure and Physiological Function
• • • The Regulation and Dysregulation of Energy
• • • Impairment of the Social Engagement System (SES)
• • • Systemic Dysregulation and Chronic Health Issues
• • The Impact of Early Trauma on Energetic Boundaries
• • • Easily Overwhelmed
• • • The Need to Isolate
• • • Environmental Sensitivities
• • The Physiology of Projection
• • • The Ocular Block
• • • Transference and the Ocular Block
• CONCLUSION
09. Transcript of a NARM™ Therapy Session with Commentary
10. Moving Toward Resolution: Connecting with Self and Others
• PRIMARY NARM PRINCIPLES
• • 1. SUPPORT CONNECTION AND ORGANIZATION
• • • Tracking Connection and Disconnection
• • • • Evoking Positive Experiences of Connection
• • • • Primary and Default Emotions
• • • Tracking Organization-Disorganization
• • • Positive Resources
• • • • The Therapeutic Impact of Positive Resources
• • • • Working with Positive Resources
• • • • Outline for Working with Positive Resources
• • • Somatic Mindfulness
• • • • Tracking Somatic Connection
• • • • When Clients Cannot Track in the Body
• • • • Relationship to Internal States
• • • Engaging the Eyes
• • • • The Eyes and the Defensive-Orienting Response
• • • • Attachment Dynamics and the Eyes
• • • • Working Clinically with the Gaze and the Eyes
• • • The Challenges of Reconnection
• • • • The Tenuous Homeostasis of the Connection Survival Style
• • • Working with Dissociation and Supporting Reconnection
• • • • Mirroring
• • • • Open Questions
• • • • Paying attention to whether referencing the body is organizing or disorganizing
• • • • Titration
• • • • Containment
• • • • Mindful Inquiry
• • • • Working with the Fear of Feeling
• • • The Therapeutic Relationship
• • • • The Dangers of Inauthenticity
• • • • The Challenge of the Transference
• • • • Contact and Contact Rupture
• • • • Presence and Safety
• • • • Pacing
• • 2. EXPLORE IDENTITY
• • • Supporting Expansion and Aliveness
• • • • The Dynamic of Expansion and Contraction
• • • • Fear of Life
• • • • Mindful Awareness of Increasing Aliveness
• • • Identifications and Counter-Identifications
• • • Disidentification
• • • • Identifying Fixed and Rigid Beliefs
• • • • Addressing Shame
• • • • The Designated Issue
• • • • Self-Acceptance
• • 3. WORK IN PRESENT TIME
• • • Distortions in Time
• • • The Paradox of Change
• • • Agency and Empowerment
• • 4. REGULATE THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
• • • Containment
• • • Grounding
• • • Orienting
• • • Titration
• • • Pendulation
• • • • Natural Pendulation
• • • • Clinical Pendulation
• • • Safety
• CONCLUSION
11. Healing the Relational Matrix: NARM™ and NeuroAffective Touch® in the Long-Term Treatment of Early Developmental/Relational Trauma
• Withdrawal and Isolation
• Relational Attunement
• • Establishing Trust
• • Recognizing Emma’s Developmental Challenge
• Birth Trauma, Early Neglect, and Emotional Abuse
• • Naming the Body’s Nonverbal Experiences
• Psychoeducation
• The NeuroAffective Touch Connection
• Building Bonds of Attachment
• • The Void
• • Becoming Attached
• Repairing Lost Connection
• • Working with Contraction
• The Fear of Life
• Coming Back
• Connection
• Growing Up
• Discussion
• • Symptoms of the Connection Survival Style Addressed in Therapy with Emma
• • NARM Principles, Tools, and Techniques Used in Therapy with Emma
• From Felt Sense to Felt Self
• Ethical Considerations
• Healing the Relational Matrix
12. Healing the Distortions of the Life Force: A Systemic Approach
• Developmental versus Shock Trauma
• Developmental Trauma and the Life Force
• Working Through Parasympathetically Dominant Symptoms
• • Acting In
• • Splitting
• • Threat of Attachment Loss
• • Self-Hatred
• • Acting Out
• • Challenging Isolation
• Working Through Sympathetically Dominant Symptoms
• • Integrating Rage and Anger
• • Integrating Grief about Broken Connection
• Healthy Differentiation of the Life Force
• • The Separation/Individuation Process
• • Healthy Integration of Core Energy and the Life Force
Further Reading
About the Authors
Contents
Heller L & LaPierre A (2012) (10:29) Healing Developmental Trauma - How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship
Acknowledgments
List of Figures
• 01.1. Exercise to Help Identify Experiences of Expansion and Aliveness
• 01.2. Distortions of the Life Force
• 01.3. Top-Down and Bottom-Up Information Flow
• 01.4. The Distress Cycle
• 01.5. The NARM Healing Cycle
• 06.1. Distortions of the Life Force in Each of the Five Adaptive Survival Styles
• 07.1. Schema of the Nervous System
• 10.1. Exercise to Help Identify Positive Resources
• 10.2. Exercise to Explore Early Gaze Dynamics
• 12.1. Distortions of the Life Force (Same As Figure 1.2)
• 12.2. Exercise to Support the Exploration of One’s Relationship to Anger
List of Tables
• I.1. NARM’s Five Core Needs and Their Associated Core Capacities
• I.2. The Five Adaptive Survival Styles and Their Core Difficulties
• I.3. Development of Core Capacities and the Formation of Adaptive Survival Styles
• I.4. Shame-Based Identifications and Pride-Based Counter-Identifications for Each Adaptive Survival Style
• 01.1. Foreclosure of the Self to Maintain the Attachment Relationship
• 02.1. Key Features of the Connection Survival Style
• 02.2. Therapeutic Strategies for the Connection Survival Style
• 03.1. Comparison of the Two Attunement Survival Style Subtypes
• 03.2. Key Features of the Attunement Survival Style
• 03.3. Therapeutic Strategies for the Attunement Survival Style
• 04.1. Key Features of the Trust Survival Style
• 04.2. Therapeutic Strategies for the Trust Survival Style
• 05.1. Key Features of the Autonomy Survival Style
• 05.2. Therapeutic Strategies for the Autonomy Survival Style
• 06.1. Key Features of the Love-Sexuality Survival Style
• 06.2. Therapeutic Strategies for the Love-Sexuality Survival Style
• 07.1. Sympathetically and Parasympathetically Driven Changes that Occur in the Body in Response to Stress or Threat
• 07.2. Some Physiological Markers of the Differences between Coherence and Activation
• 08.1. Recognizing the Symptoms of Early Trauma
• 08.2. Early Sources of Trauma
• 08.3. Distortions of Healthy Aggression
• 08.4. Effects of Early Trauma on Health
• 08.5. Characteristics of Healthy and Compromised Energetic Boundaries
• 10.1. Primary Principles, Tools, and Techniques Used in the NARM Approach
• 10.2. Overview of the Basic Steps to Reconnection
• 10.3. Impact of Trauma on the Eyes
• 10.4. Techniques Useful in Managing the Therapeutic Process of Connection
• 10.5. Therapeutic Themes to Keep in Mind When Working with the Connection Survival Style
• 10.6. Shame-Based Identifications and Pride-Based Counter-Identifications (partial list)
• 10.7. Summary of Principles and Techniques that Inform the NARM Therapeutic Process with the Connection Survival Style
Introduction to the NeuroAffective Relational Model™
• The price of freedom is eternal mindfulness.
• Five Biologically Based Core Needs
• Five Adaptive Survival Styles
• Core NARM Principles
• Self and Affect Regulation
• Bringing Self-Regulation into Clinical Practice
• Supporting an Increasing Capacity for Aliveness
• The Life Force, Aliveness, and Emotions
• Distortions of the Life Force
• Working Therapeutically with Distortions of the Life Force
• Somatic Mindfulness
• Mindfulness of the Adaptive Survival Styles
• Shame-Based Identifications and Pride-Based Counter-Identifications
• The Distress Cycle
• The NARM Healing Cycle
• The Neuroaffective Relational Model in Historical Context
• • Psychodynamic Psychotherapies
• • Transference Dynamics
• • Somatic Psychotherapies
• • Somatic Experiencing®
• • Gestalt Therapy
• • Cognitive Therapy
• • Affective Neuroscience
• • Esoteric Approaches
• A Fundamental Shift
• • A Unified Systemic Model
• • Working with the Life Force
Part A: The Five Adaptive Survival Styles
01. Overview
• The Need-Satisfaction Cycle
• Adaptive Survival Styles
• Protecting the Attachment Relationship
• Identity and Identifications
• Survival Styles and the Body
• Looking Through the Lens of Developmental and Relational Trauma
02. Connection: The First Organizing Principle
• Development of the Connection Survival Style
• The Connection Survival Style in the Adult
• • The Thinking Subtype
• • The Spiritualizing Subtype
• • Identity
• • Isolation
• Growth Strategies for the Connection Survival Style
• Moving Toward Resolution
03. Attunement: The Second Organizing Principle
• DEVELOPMENT OF THE ATTUNEMENT SURVIVAL STYLE
• • Inadequate Attunement, Broken Attachment, and Deprivation
• • The Inability to Express Need and Want
• • Factors that Contribute to the Development of the Attunement Survival Style
• • How Nurturing Deficits Are Managed Through Disconnection
• THE ATTUNEMENT SURVIVAL STYLE IN THE ADULT
• • The Inhibited Subtype
• • The Unsatisfied Subtype
• • Identity
• • Giving to Get
• GROWTH STRATEGIES FOR THE ATTUNEMENT SURVIVAL STYLE
• Moving Toward Resolution
04. Trust: The Third Organizing Principle
• DEVELOPMENT OF THE TRUST SURVIVAL STYLE
• • Rewarded for Selling Out
• • Abuse and Horror
• THE TRUST SURVIVAL STYLE IN THE ADULT
• • The Seductive Subtype
• • The Overpowering Subtype
• • Identity
• • Control
• • Power
• • Fear of Failure
• • Relationship and Sex
• • Projective Identification
• • Denial and Rationalization
• GROWTH STRATEGIES FOR THE TRUST SURVIVAL STYLE
• Moving Toward Resolution
05. Autonomy: The Fourth Organizing Principle
• DEVELOPMENT OF THE AUTONOMY SURVIVAL STYLE
• THE AUTONOMY SURVIVAL STYLE IN THE ADULT
• • Paralyzed by Internal Conflict
• • Fear of Intimacy
• • Living with Pressure
• • Rumination
• • Ambivalence Toward Authority
• GROWTH STRATEGIES FOR THE AUTONOMY SURVIVAL STYLE
• Moving Toward Resolution
• Non-Goal Orientation
06. Love and Sexuality: The Fifth Organizing Principle
• DEVELOPMENT OF THE LOVE-SEXUALITY SURVIVAL STYLE
• THE LOVE-SEXUALITY SURVIVAL STYLE IN THE ADULT
• • The Romantic Subtype
• • The Sexual Subtype
• • Identity
• • Doers
• • Relationships
• GROWTH STRATEGIES FOR THE LOVE-SEXUALITY SURVIVAL STYLE
• Moving Toward Resolution
• IN CONCLUSION: THE FIVE SURVIVAL STYLES
• The Diminishment of Aliveness in the Five Adaptive Survival Styles
Part B: The Connection Survival Style
07. Physiology and Trauma: Understanding the Impact of Trauma on Development
• SECTION I: THE BODY’S COMMUNICATION AND INFORMATION NETWORKS
• • The Nervous System
• • • The Central Nervous System
• • • The Peripheral Nervous System
• • The Autonomic Nervous System
• • • The Polyvagal Theory
• • • • Our Bottom-Up Evolution
• • • • Workers, Managers, and Executives
• • • • The Polyvagal System
• • Building Blocks of Nervous System Organization
• • • Hebb’s Law
• • • Pruning
• • • Qualia and Reentry
• • • Pattern-Matching
• • • Windows of Sensitivity
• • • Plasticity and Permanence
• • The Endocrine System
• • • The Stress Response
• • • The Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis
• • • The Sympathetic-Adrenal-Medullary System
• • Emotions
• • Memory
• • • Explicit and Implicit Memory
• • • Implicit Relational Knowing
• • • Emotions, Memory, and Trauma
• • • State-Dependent Memory
• SECTION II: UNDERSTANDING TRAUMA RESPONSES
• • The Defensive-Orienting Response
• • Hypervigilance
• • The Fight-Flight-Freeze Response
• • The Exploratory-Orienting Response
• SECTION III: THE IMPACT OF TRAUMA ON EARLY DEVELOPMENT
• • Shock Trauma versus Developmental Trauma
• • The Impact of Chronic High Arousal on Early Life
• • The Effects of Chronic Threat
• • Range of Resiliency
• • Coherence
• CONCLUSION
08. The Beginning of Our Identity: Understanding the Connection Survival Style
• THE BEGINNING OF OUR IDENTITY
• • The Distress Cycle in the Connection Stage
• • Early Developmental and Shock Trauma Held in Implicit Memory
• THE IMPACT OF EARLY TRAUMA
• • Prenatal Trauma and Prenatal Attachment
• • • The Impact of Family and Environment on Fetal Development
• • Birth Trauma
• • • Premature Birth
• • • Traumatic Symbiosis
• • Perinatal Trauma
• • • Attachment and Self-Regulation
• • • The Interplay of Shock and Developmental Trauma
• • Relational Trauma: Neglect, Abuse, Ongoing Threat
• • • The Unwanted Child
• • • The Abused Child and the Hated Child
• • • Neglect
• • • Adoption
• THE CONNECTION SURVIVAL STYLE: THE ADULT EXPERIENCE
• • Identifying the Organizing Life Principle
• • Distress in Search of an Explanation
• • • Nameless Dread
• • • The Designated Issue
• • Self-Image and Self-Esteem
• • • Shame and Self-Hatred
• • • The Search for Meaning
• • Dissociation: Bearing the Unbearable
• • • A Universal Human Response
• • • The Energetics of Dissociation
• • • Dissociation as a Lifestyle
• • The Dissociative Continuum: Numbing, Splitting, Fragmentation
• • • Numbing
• • • Splitting
• • • Aggression: Acting In and Acting Out
• • • Fragmentation
• • The Interaction of Physical Structure and Physiological Function
• • • The Regulation and Dysregulation of Energy
• • • Impairment of the Social Engagement System (SES)
• • • Systemic Dysregulation and Chronic Health Issues
• • The Impact of Early Trauma on Energetic Boundaries
• • • Easily Overwhelmed
• • • The Need to Isolate
• • • Environmental Sensitivities
• • The Physiology of Projection
• • • The Ocular Block
• • • Transference and the Ocular Block
• CONCLUSION
09. Transcript of a NARM™ Therapy Session with Commentary
10. Moving Toward Resolution: Connecting with Self and Others
• PRIMARY NARM PRINCIPLES
• • 1. SUPPORT CONNECTION AND ORGANIZATION
• • • Tracking Connection and Disconnection
• • • • Evoking Positive Experiences of Connection
• • • • Primary and Default Emotions
• • • Tracking Organization-Disorganization
• • • Positive Resources
• • • • The Therapeutic Impact of Positive Resources
• • • • Working with Positive Resources
• • • • Outline for Working with Positive Resources
• • • Somatic Mindfulness
• • • • Tracking Somatic Connection
• • • • When Clients Cannot Track in the Body
• • • • Relationship to Internal States
• • • Engaging the Eyes
• • • • The Eyes and the Defensive-Orienting Response
• • • • Attachment Dynamics and the Eyes
• • • • Working Clinically with the Gaze and the Eyes
• • • The Challenges of Reconnection
• • • • The Tenuous Homeostasis of the Connection Survival Style
• • • Working with Dissociation and Supporting Reconnection
• • • • Mirroring
• • • • Open Questions
• • • • Paying attention to whether referencing the body is organizing or disorganizing
• • • • Titration
• • • • Containment
• • • • Mindful Inquiry
• • • • Working with the Fear of Feeling
• • • The Therapeutic Relationship
• • • • The Dangers of Inauthenticity
• • • • The Challenge of the Transference
• • • • Contact and Contact Rupture
• • • • Presence and Safety
• • • • Pacing
• • 2. EXPLORE IDENTITY
• • • Supporting Expansion and Aliveness
• • • • The Dynamic of Expansion and Contraction
• • • • Fear of Life
• • • • Mindful Awareness of Increasing Aliveness
• • • Identifications and Counter-Identifications
• • • Disidentification
• • • • Identifying Fixed and Rigid Beliefs
• • • • Addressing Shame
• • • • The Designated Issue
• • • • Self-Acceptance
• • 3. WORK IN PRESENT TIME
• • • Distortions in Time
• • • The Paradox of Change
• • • Agency and Empowerment
• • 4. REGULATE THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
• • • Containment
• • • Grounding
• • • Orienting
• • • Titration
• • • Pendulation
• • • • Natural Pendulation
• • • • Clinical Pendulation
• • • Safety
• CONCLUSION
11. Healing the Relational Matrix: NARM™ and NeuroAffective Touch® in the Long-Term Treatment of Early Developmental/Relational Trauma
• Withdrawal and Isolation
• Relational Attunement
• • Establishing Trust
• • Recognizing Emma’s Developmental Challenge
• Birth Trauma, Early Neglect, and Emotional Abuse
• • Naming the Body’s Nonverbal Experiences
• Psychoeducation
• The NeuroAffective Touch Connection
• Building Bonds of Attachment
• • The Void
• • Becoming Attached
• Repairing Lost Connection
• • Working with Contraction
• The Fear of Life
• Coming Back
• Connection
• Growing Up
• Discussion
• • Symptoms of the Connection Survival Style Addressed in Therapy with Emma
• • NARM Principles, Tools, and Techniques Used in Therapy with Emma
• From Felt Sense to Felt Self
• Ethical Considerations
• Healing the Relational Matrix
12. Healing the Distortions of the Life Force: A Systemic Approach
• Developmental versus Shock Trauma
• Developmental Trauma and the Life Force
• Working Through Parasympathetically Dominant Symptoms
• • Acting In
• • Splitting
• • Threat of Attachment Loss
• • Self-Hatred
• • Acting Out
• • Challenging Isolation
• Working Through Sympathetically Dominant Symptoms
• • Integrating Rage and Anger
• • Integrating Grief about Broken Connection
• Healthy Differentiation of the Life Force
• • The Separation/Individuation Process
• • Healthy Integration of Core Energy and the Life Force
Further Reading
About the Authors
December 31, 2021
An excellent book on healing developmental trauma & understanding trauma, based on the NARM (NeuroAffective Relational Model) approach. I was researching trauma books when I came across this one and luckily they had it at the library!
When I first got it, I was amazed by the diagrams/flow charts/etc. in the book that so clearly showed what goes on in people who were traumatized. I liked the explanation of acting in and acting out, how the life force gets caught, etc.
The first half of the book was about what I expected - it explored the five organizing developmental styles and what contributed to each style. However, the second half of the book only focused on the Connection style which I was disappointed by - I thought all the styles would be explored. I guess since Connection style is the one related to developmental trauma, it makes sense why it was the focus. The last third of the book was slower/harder to get through because it was all focused on one style only.
As I read through, I was noticing a subtle change in myself just from reading it. It was influencing me! I went through a bit of a hard time family-wise and I noticed I was being more self-compassionate and nice to myself during that time, more than normal. I had also been reading a lot of the book around then. I noticed it was rubbing off on me, even though there is very little advice/direction on how to apply it to yourself. Anyway, I noticed a positive effect just from reading it, and I appreciated that.
I really appreciated the NeuroAffective Touch section. Touch used as a healing tool! One of the pages said something very insightful - touch is a healing language but most modern therapy is 'afraid' of using touch. (I understand where this comes from of course, but there is so much wasted potential when you don't use touch as part of the process!). The client's example where the therapist (Aline) used touch to heal was remarkable, and it was beautiful to see the progress made. This was probably one of the best parts of the book.
It was also enlightening to learn about how the Connection style (of which most of us have a little bit of) both wants and is afraid of connection at the same time. The way the fear is acted out is not usually conscious.
I skipped a bit of the very biology-heavy evolution theory (didn't find it incredibly relevant) but otherwise read the whole thing. I also liked the quiz included but it had no explanation for what any of the answers meant, which is kind of stupid to have a quiz that doesn't give you any kind of result/the answers have no explanation.
While the concepts, explanation and structure of NARM were excellent, it still felt like there was something deeper missing. I appreciated the here-and-now focus and trying to prevent re-traumatization, but this book seemed too focus too little on the past, in my opinion. There was also just something else 'missing' that I couldn't quite put my finger on, but I felt it through some parts of the book.
I most definitely would recommend to therapists, people interested in understanding trauma, traumatized people who are looking for help (it's not a therapist but the understanding is so important), and anyone who wants to help or be close to traumatized people. It was well-organized, designed and was overall a fantastic book. This was one of the best trauma books I've read so far. Provided insight and understanding that was really helpful to me. Just reading the book will inadvertently make you more compassionate! :)
When I first got it, I was amazed by the diagrams/flow charts/etc. in the book that so clearly showed what goes on in people who were traumatized. I liked the explanation of acting in and acting out, how the life force gets caught, etc.
The first half of the book was about what I expected - it explored the five organizing developmental styles and what contributed to each style. However, the second half of the book only focused on the Connection style which I was disappointed by - I thought all the styles would be explored. I guess since Connection style is the one related to developmental trauma, it makes sense why it was the focus. The last third of the book was slower/harder to get through because it was all focused on one style only.
As I read through, I was noticing a subtle change in myself just from reading it. It was influencing me! I went through a bit of a hard time family-wise and I noticed I was being more self-compassionate and nice to myself during that time, more than normal. I had also been reading a lot of the book around then. I noticed it was rubbing off on me, even though there is very little advice/direction on how to apply it to yourself. Anyway, I noticed a positive effect just from reading it, and I appreciated that.
I really appreciated the NeuroAffective Touch section. Touch used as a healing tool! One of the pages said something very insightful - touch is a healing language but most modern therapy is 'afraid' of using touch. (I understand where this comes from of course, but there is so much wasted potential when you don't use touch as part of the process!). The client's example where the therapist (Aline) used touch to heal was remarkable, and it was beautiful to see the progress made. This was probably one of the best parts of the book.
It was also enlightening to learn about how the Connection style (of which most of us have a little bit of) both wants and is afraid of connection at the same time. The way the fear is acted out is not usually conscious.
I skipped a bit of the very biology-heavy evolution theory (didn't find it incredibly relevant) but otherwise read the whole thing. I also liked the quiz included but it had no explanation for what any of the answers meant, which is kind of stupid to have a quiz that doesn't give you any kind of result/the answers have no explanation.
While the concepts, explanation and structure of NARM were excellent, it still felt like there was something deeper missing. I appreciated the here-and-now focus and trying to prevent re-traumatization, but this book seemed too focus too little on the past, in my opinion. There was also just something else 'missing' that I couldn't quite put my finger on, but I felt it through some parts of the book.
I most definitely would recommend to therapists, people interested in understanding trauma, traumatized people who are looking for help (it's not a therapist but the understanding is so important), and anyone who wants to help or be close to traumatized people. It was well-organized, designed and was overall a fantastic book. This was one of the best trauma books I've read so far. Provided insight and understanding that was really helpful to me. Just reading the book will inadvertently make you more compassionate! :)
December 21, 2020
A salient and life-changing introduction to the concept of developmental trauma and how different personality types cope with it over a lifetime. Unlike PTSD or other more commonly explored forms of trauma, developmental trauma results from persistent, often seemingly small "micro traumas" that often begin occurring early in a child's developmental years and have long-lasting effects on virtually all systems of the person--body, mind, and emotional functioning. This book is for anyone who suspects they suffer from the effects of trauma but for whom therapeutic and clinical understandings of PTSD and complex trauma don't quite fit. This is a book I will re-read at regular intervals as a form of self-care.
November 20, 2019
I need to to revisit this book again in the future, and then a few more times after that. I consider it a valuable tool in understanding trauma from childhood. However, depending on how much you are affected by your own childhood, your ability to absorb these concepts could be limited.
As long as you are the type of reader that likes though provoking material and you like to study how people work, this book will be very valuable to you. It is detailed, and it has plenty of overlap. It is a great help to practitioners as well for someone who is seeking to devote themselves or people close to them.
As long as you are the type of reader that likes though provoking material and you like to study how people work, this book will be very valuable to you. It is detailed, and it has plenty of overlap. It is a great help to practitioners as well for someone who is seeking to devote themselves or people close to them.
August 16, 2022
All the content is great information.
Second half of the book is 5+ stars, first half of the book is 3.5 (helpful but not as necessary and not as practical as the latter half). I would have structured the content differently to ensure readers stay engaged.
Chapter 9 in particular had a serious positive impact on me and could be read before any of the other chapters. I would have led with it as chapter 1, as it exemplifies what this book is all about with a real session.
Second half of the book is 5+ stars, first half of the book is 3.5 (helpful but not as necessary and not as practical as the latter half). I would have structured the content differently to ensure readers stay engaged.
Chapter 9 in particular had a serious positive impact on me and could be read before any of the other chapters. I would have led with it as chapter 1, as it exemplifies what this book is all about with a real session.
January 19, 2022
One of the few books that honors its title: not only do you learn about things that have been traumatic for people (and find connections in your own life) but it explains how to heal.
Definitely not a general public book though.
Definitely not a general public book though.
April 27, 2020
Excellent book, so much information in one book. It is not hard to read, especially if you are interested in topics like this. If you are Connected survival style person then you will be amazed with how much of You is in this book.
July 3, 2023
This was an interesting book for how therapists can interact with people who present with different developmental traumas and survival lifestyles. It was at times very technical and then other times very ‘woo-woo’. I enjoyed reading about how and why people act certain ways based on a childhood experience, and then how we can try to move past that.
May 12, 2022
I used this book as a reference for a paper I wrote on developmental trauma. I was pleasantly surprised at how the book drew me in as I wanted to keep reading more as opposed to just finding what I needed to support my paper. Lots of great information!
July 1, 2020
I found this book incredibly helpful.
It identifies the differences (and similarities) between experiencing developmental trauma as a young child to shock trauma experienced as an adult. This is very similar to the difference between Complex PTSD and PTSD.
In identifying the differences, the authors then explain scientifically why different therapeutic approaches are required for cPTSD and PTSD.
The book puts forward a particular therapeutic model developed by one of the authors called NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM). NARM is based on the latest scientific information on how the brain and nervous system works, combined with a psychotherapeutic approach principally based on Attachment Theory.
I totally agree with the book’s strong emphasis on connecting to the body’s somatic sensations, combining physiology with psychology.
Merging a “bottom-up” approach (physiology/body sensations) with a “top-down” approach (psychology/mind/thoughts) has been the key to my own healing. Getting in touch with bodily feelings that I had no words for, and learning to consciously identify these (uncomfortable) sensations was the turning point in managing my dysfunctions.
A couple of the case studies matched my experiences very closely indeed, so the book spoke to me directly often. So helpful on a personal level.
There are other psychotherapeutic models that combine the physiological with the psychological. Compassion Focussed Therapy is one I’m familiar with and like. But what I particularly liked about this book was the systematic way it puts the whole thing together. It was almost TOO systematic! Ha ha :-)
It identifies the differences (and similarities) between experiencing developmental trauma as a young child to shock trauma experienced as an adult. This is very similar to the difference between Complex PTSD and PTSD.
In identifying the differences, the authors then explain scientifically why different therapeutic approaches are required for cPTSD and PTSD.
The book puts forward a particular therapeutic model developed by one of the authors called NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM). NARM is based on the latest scientific information on how the brain and nervous system works, combined with a psychotherapeutic approach principally based on Attachment Theory.
I totally agree with the book’s strong emphasis on connecting to the body’s somatic sensations, combining physiology with psychology.
Merging a “bottom-up” approach (physiology/body sensations) with a “top-down” approach (psychology/mind/thoughts) has been the key to my own healing. Getting in touch with bodily feelings that I had no words for, and learning to consciously identify these (uncomfortable) sensations was the turning point in managing my dysfunctions.
A couple of the case studies matched my experiences very closely indeed, so the book spoke to me directly often. So helpful on a personal level.
There are other psychotherapeutic models that combine the physiological with the psychological. Compassion Focussed Therapy is one I’m familiar with and like. But what I particularly liked about this book was the systematic way it puts the whole thing together. It was almost TOO systematic! Ha ha :-)
April 19, 2020
Was shocked when without insurance or anything and after a traumatic experience I came to find that recent experience woke up a whole host of things in me I don’t know where there. This book shocked me as after realizing I had also grown up in a narc family with plenty of intergenerational trauma and some how I became the one strong enough to question things despite being blind to why it didn’t make sense at the time, books like this have greatly helped me come out of the fog.
Humans are inherently ambivalent to our barriers to connection.
I also recommend learning about internal family systems therapy.
(Edit: i later learned that TRE is more a global bottom of regulation, and dosent fix everything, still learn it, but know there is more nuanced ways related to Attatchment and stuff, just know it’s propped place is all.)
Also watch the 45 min training on TRE on YouTube (trauma and tension release exercises . This will help you to take care of the bottom up treatment aspect. The top down is gone over along with everything else well in the book.
So along this post traumatic growth journey we go, more emboldened because with all the s**t that we have had to put up with, F*ck it, this will not stop us, we will hack our way through each and every moment as we go through it. If this is a book your looking at, know that yes, things will get better!
Humans are inherently ambivalent to our barriers to connection.
I also recommend learning about internal family systems therapy.
(Edit: i later learned that TRE is more a global bottom of regulation, and dosent fix everything, still learn it, but know there is more nuanced ways related to Attatchment and stuff, just know it’s propped place is all.)
Also watch the 45 min training on TRE on YouTube (trauma and tension release exercises . This will help you to take care of the bottom up treatment aspect. The top down is gone over along with everything else well in the book.
So along this post traumatic growth journey we go, more emboldened because with all the s**t that we have had to put up with, F*ck it, this will not stop us, we will hack our way through each and every moment as we go through it. If this is a book your looking at, know that yes, things will get better!
August 5, 2020
This book is an amalgamation of many theories that is not without merit. It can be useful addition to any reader's investigation of how and what might help humans in pain. But, the authors use the world of psychological theory and research, picking and sifting out what they like and taking it into their own approach. This is fine except that in the process they criticize the theories and approaches they are actually taking from. And in my view, do so without demonstrating that they actually have a full understanding of the theory. This is not so uncommon of course. But I will say, that some people make room for others, like Dr. Van Der Kolk, who holds a bar for his integrative efforts and appreciation for of the wide variety of treatments that people need to get what they need.
The audio version is read by a man who sounds like the Shane Diamond Company announcer. It's an unfortunate tone for a trauma based book. It sounds flat and disconnected.
The audio version is read by a man who sounds like the Shane Diamond Company announcer. It's an unfortunate tone for a trauma based book. It sounds flat and disconnected.
January 23, 2021
This book is five stars for content 3 stars for flow. It was much less technical than I would have expected, given that it was for practitioners, but I found it a bit slow to start and a bit confusing in that it outlined all four styles but only returned to one of them in depth. That said, the content feels almost world changing. I loved the bottom up and top down approach simultaneously and really hope this becomes more widespread and understood as research after showed only 1 NARM practitioner in my area. But a fantastic illustration of the idea that teams, over time, can start to look like personality, with one of the 5 types describing Donald Trump to a T and giving some insight into his childhood. Really makes me wonder about the line between disorder and trauma for some things like narcissism and certain forms of neurodiversity that seem they could easily be misdiagnosed connection type issues. Fascinating.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 118 reviews