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Suicide Watch
18-year-old Vincent Hazelwood has spent his entire life being shuffled from one foster home to the next. His grades sucked. Making friends? Out of the question thanks to his nervous breakdowns and unpredictable moods. Still, Vince thought when Maggie Atkins took him in, he might’ve finally found a place to get his life—and his issues—in order.
But then Maggie keels over from a heart attack. Vince is homeless, alone, and the inheritance money isn't going to last long. A year ago, Vince watched a girl leap to her death off a bridge, and now he's starting to think she had the right idea.
Vince stumbles across a website forum geared toward people considering suicide. There, he meets others with the same debate regarding the pros and cons of death: Casper, battling cancer, would rather off herself than slowly waste away. And there’s quiet, withdrawn Adam, who suspects if he died, his mom wouldn't even notice.
As they gravitate toward each other, Vince searches for a reason to live while coping without Maggie's guidance, coming to terms with Casper's imminent death, and falling in love with a boy who doesn't plan on sticking around.
But then Maggie keels over from a heart attack. Vince is homeless, alone, and the inheritance money isn't going to last long. A year ago, Vince watched a girl leap to her death off a bridge, and now he's starting to think she had the right idea.
Vince stumbles across a website forum geared toward people considering suicide. There, he meets others with the same debate regarding the pros and cons of death: Casper, battling cancer, would rather off herself than slowly waste away. And there’s quiet, withdrawn Adam, who suspects if he died, his mom wouldn't even notice.
As they gravitate toward each other, Vince searches for a reason to live while coping without Maggie's guidance, coming to terms with Casper's imminent death, and falling in love with a boy who doesn't plan on sticking around.
220 pages, Paperback
First published December 18, 2012
About the author
Kelley York
18 books599 followersKelley resides off the coast of Northern California with her wife, dogs, cats, and birds. In addition to writing, she has her A.S. in Anthropology, and is a graphic designer with a successful book cover design business called Sleepy Fox Studio. She spends her spare time playing video games and tabletop games like the nerd she is. Her specialty is LGBT+ fiction, usually with a dark twist.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 335 reviews
January 12, 2020
More heartbreaking than I was expecting. 💔
To my lovely marshmallows friends, 🥰
only read this if you are in a good place and if you're confident you can take the hit about everything the title of this book implies.
I liked it a lot. It is sad without being melodramatic.
If it weren't for a few loose ends, I would have splashed five stars.
To my lovely marshmallows friends, 🥰
only read this if you are in a good place and if you're confident you can take the hit about everything the title of this book implies.
I liked it a lot. It is sad without being melodramatic.
If it weren't for a few loose ends, I would have splashed five stars.
March 4, 2014
My advice...don't read my review. Go make your own opinion of this book...before my review SPOILS it for you.
**4.6 Touching and Heart-rending Stars**
Suicide Watch equals, sadness, extremely emotional thoughts and feelings, a need for oblivion, madness and heart breaking circumstances, where suicide is the answer.
A book that will deeply affect you, have your heart aching and push you to the edge of your comfort.
It will open your eyes, to the grief and depression people may go through. A fiction read...yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean this doesn't happen, or people don't suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts. After finishing this book, I believe that everything we read, watch or hear, somehow teaches us about life and the people we are surrounded by.
Vincent is alone in this world. Given away by his parents at a young age, Vincent has spent his childhood and teen years in foster care. His shuffled from one home to another, unwanted, unloved and easily forgotten. Until Maggie takes him in. Even though he stays with Maggie for three years, Vincent suffers from thoughts of abandonment. His unsettled and waiting on the day she too, will also shuffle him off.
Alone again in this world, lost and with no I idea how to move forward, Vincent reaches a point in his life where suicide becomes an option. A form of relief...but the question is, will anyone miss him? If only he can find one person that wants him to stay.
I open an internet browser and, after starring at it for awhile, I type in the only thing I can think of. What's it like to die?
He signs up on a site called Suicide Watch, under the name of NowhereMan. This site is for people looking to end their life, and the best methods to go by. But the question is...will this free him from his demons? Free him to find the relief his seeking?
Here he meets, Casper and RoxWell. The three form a friendship...even with death being their mutual connection, they some how make it work. Each of them suffering for their own reasons. Casper aka Caitlin, is sick and dying, with devoted and protective parents...but wishes to leave this world on her own terms. RoxWell aka Adam, has always been easily pushed aside and forgotten by uncaring and selfish parents...leading him to have a bad home life.
RoxWell has parents who don't care.
Casper has parents who care too much.
NowhereMan has no parents at all.
The three, soon meet and become best friends...and struggle together, with their decisions on how to end their difficult lives. One, having no choice in the matter, due to sickness...while the others choices are chosen freely. Slowly, the three realize the hardship of leaving this world...and those you've connected with and grown to love.
Blackbird by Alter Bridge comes to mind, when reading certain scenes throughout the book.
A difficult journey, in a world where the living are on the brink of death...drifting fare beyond the edge of their sanity. A story that will stay with me and push me to believe...
So mates, even though this isn't your typical romance, even though you'll grieve and shed tears...you should give this book a chance. Experience the life on the other side of happiness...and be apart of their lives, as they grow to become stronger and better xx
**4.6 Touching and Heart-rending Stars**
I need you, I need you. I need something.
Someone.
Suicide Watch equals, sadness, extremely emotional thoughts and feelings, a need for oblivion, madness and heart breaking circumstances, where suicide is the answer.
A book that will deeply affect you, have your heart aching and push you to the edge of your comfort.
A realistic story,
when surrounded by fairy tales.
It will open your eyes, to the grief and depression people may go through. A fiction read...yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean this doesn't happen, or people don't suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts. After finishing this book, I believe that everything we read, watch or hear, somehow teaches us about life and the people we are surrounded by.
Vincent is alone in this world. Given away by his parents at a young age, Vincent has spent his childhood and teen years in foster care. His shuffled from one home to another, unwanted, unloved and easily forgotten. Until Maggie takes him in. Even though he stays with Maggie for three years, Vincent suffers from thoughts of abandonment. His unsettled and waiting on the day she too, will also shuffle him off.
Breathe in, breathe out. Over and over again. Just to prove a broken heart can't really kill you.But that day doesn't come. Unfortunately Maggie leaves Vincent, involuntarily...when he needs her most.
Alone again in this world, lost and with no I idea how to move forward, Vincent reaches a point in his life where suicide becomes an option. A form of relief...but the question is, will anyone miss him? If only he can find one person that wants him to stay.
I open an internet browser and, after starring at it for awhile, I type in the only thing I can think of. What's it like to die?
He signs up on a site called Suicide Watch, under the name of NowhereMan. This site is for people looking to end their life, and the best methods to go by. But the question is...will this free him from his demons? Free him to find the relief his seeking?
Here he meets, Casper and RoxWell. The three form a friendship...even with death being their mutual connection, they some how make it work. Each of them suffering for their own reasons. Casper aka Caitlin, is sick and dying, with devoted and protective parents...but wishes to leave this world on her own terms. RoxWell aka Adam, has always been easily pushed aside and forgotten by uncaring and selfish parents...leading him to have a bad home life.
RoxWell has parents who don't care.
Casper has parents who care too much.
NowhereMan has no parents at all.
The three, soon meet and become best friends...and struggle together, with their decisions on how to end their difficult lives. One, having no choice in the matter, due to sickness...while the others choices are chosen freely. Slowly, the three realize the hardship of leaving this world...and those you've connected with and grown to love.
Blackbird by Alter Bridge comes to mind, when reading certain scenes throughout the book.
A difficult journey, in a world where the living are on the brink of death...drifting fare beyond the edge of their sanity. A story that will stay with me and push me to believe...
"Just because someone doesn't act or look unhappy doesn't mean their lives are perfect."A story that should be experienced, read and not forgotten.
So mates, even though this isn't your typical romance, even though you'll grieve and shed tears...you should give this book a chance. Experience the life on the other side of happiness...and be apart of their lives, as they grow to become stronger and better xx
Keep fighting.
You have the rest of your lives to fix
what's broken.
February 27, 2021
"Once Upon a time, I lost everything and I was so alone. The sadness,the hurt, it all seemed so infinite. When you're wandering alone in a storm, you can't see the end, or if there even is one , and how close it might be.
I'm still wandering, but maybe I don't feel so lost now. I'll keep trying. I promise."
This is just the book I needed. Casper, Vincent and Adam. I owe you big. You give me hope.
The story is just sad and beautiful. The ending is just the most hopeful thing I have ever wanted.
I was crying for all the sad things in life while reading the first half of the book but I was crying for all the beautiful things in life towards the ending.
I am so glad this book reached out to me at the right time.
I was having a really rough time these past few weeks and I felt like I needed something like this which showed me what's real and how things can change even when all the hurt and being myself remains the same.
Dear author, thank you so much for writing this book.
I really needed it.
I'm still wandering, but maybe I don't feel so lost now. I'll keep trying. I promise."
This is just the book I needed. Casper, Vincent and Adam. I owe you big. You give me hope.
The story is just sad and beautiful. The ending is just the most hopeful thing I have ever wanted.
I was crying for all the sad things in life while reading the first half of the book but I was crying for all the beautiful things in life towards the ending.
I am so glad this book reached out to me at the right time.
I was having a really rough time these past few weeks and I felt like I needed something like this which showed me what's real and how things can change even when all the hurt and being myself remains the same.
Dear author, thank you so much for writing this book.
I really needed it.
December 8, 2015
not bad.
two stars—as per goodreads ratings guidelines—because it was okay.
i found the first person present tense distracting, as i did the parentheticals. some characters served no function that i could detect, and some were drawn far too clumsily to be effective. the bit with annoyed me three different ways.
but the thing that drew me to this story and into a totally coincidental buddy-read with author Alexis Hall was pretty well-represented throughout: a kind of genuine-feeling, myopic loneliness that characterized the narrator.
when you look for identification in your fiction, a little authenticity goes a long way.
two stars—as per goodreads ratings guidelines—because it was okay.
i found the first person present tense distracting, as i did the parentheticals. some characters served no function that i could detect, and some were drawn far too clumsily to be effective. the bit with annoyed me three different ways.
but the thing that drew me to this story and into a totally coincidental buddy-read with author Alexis Hall was pretty well-represented throughout: a kind of genuine-feeling, myopic loneliness that characterized the narrator.
when you look for identification in your fiction, a little authenticity goes a long way.
August 3, 2014
This book stomped on my heart and tore me in half. It left me feeling extremely emotional, and it's definitely a book that will make some people cry.
I read this book and fell in love with the character Vince. He was someone who could appear unsympathetic and cruel. His life had not been easy and loss seemed to be all he knew. I found it hard to imagine a life where he was so unwanted. It was a heartbreaking way to start off the book. He sees suicide from the beginning, it's always there and become a part of him.
I feel in love with Casper after we met her. She was like a breath of fresh air in such a deep and emotional book. Her struggle with cancer and life was believable. Her parents and her issue with them made her seem like a normal person. Something not shown in books enough. Casper was a real character, and my favourite in the book. Her view of suicide was real and beautiful. Her reasons were to end the pain, the pain of a slow death.
Adam was harder to like at first. I didn't really see his struggles until later on and when I figured out his connection with Vince it was nice to see him develop. By the end I was hoping he would be in it more and he was so sweet. It was sad to think of how the three characters met. I would like to think of Adam as one of those hidden gems. Beautiful and loving, who just needs to be found in the big bad world.
Suicide Watch has a lot of power. It ripped my heart out and repaired it again. I was left knowing the outcome, but hoping and praying that I would get a proper HEA for all three MC's. It took my on a journey I had not been expecting. Kelley York wrote a beautiful YA novel that could pack a punch with anyone. I would not call this book light in any way. It's an insult to a book that draws the reader in and leaves them on the brink.
The fact we get a deep insight into suicide might put a lot of people off. The truth is it's a real issue that needs to be addressed. I loved the way it was written here. I was left wanting so much and craving more. The ending was satisfying for the whole topic. I felt it was needed. If you take offense to the controversy, this would not be a book you should read. I had my eyes opened while reading and I am proud that I came out with a clearer picture in my head.
For some reason The Fray's How To Save A Life played in my head when I finished this book.
I could not read this book lightly. It's not something you read when you want to have a nice time. It's one of those we need to teach us. One that leaves us with a feeling of, what next? Suicide is a real issue and Suicide Watch is a heartbreaking and honest portray of that. No book about suicide has ever been so beautiful and brutally honest and yet could be read by anyone, of any age and could teach us all something.
Overall, I think this is one of the most beautiful books I have ever read. It was such a powerful read and I wasn't able to put it down from the time I picked it up. Do I recommend this book? Honestly? I do. I really, really do. I think people will probably get something different from it and yes, it's depressing at times. But this is one of those books that needs to be read. It's tragic and beautiful and it just makes you feel. So there you go.
I read this book and fell in love with the character Vince. He was someone who could appear unsympathetic and cruel. His life had not been easy and loss seemed to be all he knew. I found it hard to imagine a life where he was so unwanted. It was a heartbreaking way to start off the book. He sees suicide from the beginning, it's always there and become a part of him.
I feel in love with Casper after we met her. She was like a breath of fresh air in such a deep and emotional book. Her struggle with cancer and life was believable. Her parents and her issue with them made her seem like a normal person. Something not shown in books enough. Casper was a real character, and my favourite in the book. Her view of suicide was real and beautiful. Her reasons were to end the pain, the pain of a slow death.
Adam was harder to like at first. I didn't really see his struggles until later on and when I figured out his connection with Vince it was nice to see him develop. By the end I was hoping he would be in it more and he was so sweet. It was sad to think of how the three characters met. I would like to think of Adam as one of those hidden gems. Beautiful and loving, who just needs to be found in the big bad world.
Suicide Watch has a lot of power. It ripped my heart out and repaired it again. I was left knowing the outcome, but hoping and praying that I would get a proper HEA for all three MC's. It took my on a journey I had not been expecting. Kelley York wrote a beautiful YA novel that could pack a punch with anyone. I would not call this book light in any way. It's an insult to a book that draws the reader in and leaves them on the brink.
The fact we get a deep insight into suicide might put a lot of people off. The truth is it's a real issue that needs to be addressed. I loved the way it was written here. I was left wanting so much and craving more. The ending was satisfying for the whole topic. I felt it was needed. If you take offense to the controversy, this would not be a book you should read. I had my eyes opened while reading and I am proud that I came out with a clearer picture in my head.
For some reason The Fray's How To Save A Life played in my head when I finished this book.
I could not read this book lightly. It's not something you read when you want to have a nice time. It's one of those we need to teach us. One that leaves us with a feeling of, what next? Suicide is a real issue and Suicide Watch is a heartbreaking and honest portray of that. No book about suicide has ever been so beautiful and brutally honest and yet could be read by anyone, of any age and could teach us all something.
Overall, I think this is one of the most beautiful books I have ever read. It was such a powerful read and I wasn't able to put it down from the time I picked it up. Do I recommend this book? Honestly? I do. I really, really do. I think people will probably get something different from it and yes, it's depressing at times. But this is one of those books that needs to be read. It's tragic and beautiful and it just makes you feel. So there you go.
August 27, 2016
I honestly cannot write a review for this book. Not now, probably not ever. Also, I'm choking up again.
So I'm not going to talk about plot/characters or anything of the sort. I just want to mention a couple things.
This book is the kind of book that makes you want to change all your other ratings to one star because there is just so much distance between those books and this one, the kind of book that instantly enters your list of favourites and starts kicking the others in the balls just for the fun of seeing them run away cowed and terrified.
Aside from the sheer technical perfection of this - its perfect pacing, flowing narration, complete, compact plot, skillful writing - this book doesn't only delve into the characters' psyche, it also invades the reader's. We've all been through the angsty teenage phase - and, um, some of us are still going through it... *waves* - and I'm sure there's not one of you out there that has never felt completely alone and desperate, even for just one afternoon. If you try to remember those moments, it's not hard to imagine how it would be to live like that every single day of your life.
I have to admit that I have never given conscious thought to this topic. I've probably read or heard about suicides, of people around my age, even living in my own city, but I just dismissed the thought, thinking that it wasn't my problem. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a conscious process; I just didn't really get it. I'm not saying that I do now, but I'm certainly closer to it.
While I was reading, I was just made so aware of life: life, in the most trivial, everyday sense, the noise in the street, the TV, the sounds in a house that you normally don't even notice. I couldn't help but think how people don't necessarily feel a part of it, involved in this meaningless noise. Some just feel left out, lonely, hopeless, and I don't even know what I'm saying, really. I just wanted to say this is something I noticed.
What I mean to say is that this book was actually about life, not death, for me. How people can make it better, get better, be better.
In the beginning, I thought I was reading the most deeply, overwhelmingly, drainingly sad thirty pages ever written. Then it got worse. Then people died.
And then I was lifted ten feet in the air by the most wonderful, uplifting, hopeful ending - splendid, because it's not definitive.
Wholeheartedly recommended.
So I'm not going to talk about plot/characters or anything of the sort. I just want to mention a couple things.
This book is the kind of book that makes you want to change all your other ratings to one star because there is just so much distance between those books and this one, the kind of book that instantly enters your list of favourites and starts kicking the others in the balls just for the fun of seeing them run away cowed and terrified.
Aside from the sheer technical perfection of this - its perfect pacing, flowing narration, complete, compact plot, skillful writing - this book doesn't only delve into the characters' psyche, it also invades the reader's. We've all been through the angsty teenage phase - and, um, some of us are still going through it... *waves* - and I'm sure there's not one of you out there that has never felt completely alone and desperate, even for just one afternoon. If you try to remember those moments, it's not hard to imagine how it would be to live like that every single day of your life.
I have to admit that I have never given conscious thought to this topic. I've probably read or heard about suicides, of people around my age, even living in my own city, but I just dismissed the thought, thinking that it wasn't my problem. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a conscious process; I just didn't really get it. I'm not saying that I do now, but I'm certainly closer to it.
While I was reading, I was just made so aware of life: life, in the most trivial, everyday sense, the noise in the street, the TV, the sounds in a house that you normally don't even notice. I couldn't help but think how people don't necessarily feel a part of it, involved in this meaningless noise. Some just feel left out, lonely, hopeless, and I don't even know what I'm saying, really. I just wanted to say this is something I noticed.
What I mean to say is that this book was actually about life, not death, for me. How people can make it better, get better, be better.
In the beginning, I thought I was reading the most deeply, overwhelmingly, drainingly sad thirty pages ever written. Then it got worse. Then people died.
And then I was lifted ten feet in the air by the most wonderful, uplifting, hopeful ending - splendid, because it's not definitive.
Wholeheartedly recommended.
January 7, 2013
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. That was beautiful and heartbreaking and poignant and hopeful and . . . just so marvellous.
Huge thanks to Jenn for naming this author as a best of 2012 for her: would never have tried it otherwise.
Huge thanks to Jenn for naming this author as a best of 2012 for her: would never have tried it otherwise.
January 27, 2013
4.5 stars. This is a well written book about three teenagers who all have reasons to find life bleak and hopeless, and who come together first online and then in person, to discover that sometimes human contact can ease that bleakness. And sometimes it can't.
I thought the author did an admirable job of taking the reader into the mind of a near-suicidal teen, and particularly of finding ways to express his emotions clearly and vividly, but without overwrought angst. Vince has good reasons for his depression - he is alone, and has lost his one support person to unexpected death - but he also expresses the kind of overwhelming hopelessness and futility that is sometimes out of proportion to the visible cause of a person's pain. For many teens that feeling of black depression is less concretely tied to the real world, and yet is all too salient. All three teens in this story have very real causes for their pain, but there are so many more for whom the slings and arrows of life are more subtle but no less wounding. This book specifically acknowledges the reality of pain on all levels, and the inappropriateness of making comparisons and saying "I shouldn't be depressed because there are others worse off." It is what it is. At the same time there is a message of hope, of it-gets-better in a life sense, not just a gay bullying sense. "You're broken now, but you can be fixed."
Casper, the girl with cancer, is a wonderful character, and the driving force in the story between the two depressed boys, Vince and Adam. Were it not for her illness, you get the feeling Casper would be out there living life to the fullest. As it is, she tries to push her friends who have the hope of a future past their despair. And in coming together, the boys both find the beginnings of an answer to the hardest question to get past with suicidal teens. When you say "You can be fixed," they sometimes say, "Why bother?" Vince and Adam give each other reasons why.
There is a little bit of idealism and simplicity to this story that puts it into more of a YA territory for me. But in a book about depressed teens, it feels very appropriate to have hope, and closure. And the author does not shy away from logical consequences in most cases. Well written, moving, and hopeful.
I thought the author did an admirable job of taking the reader into the mind of a near-suicidal teen, and particularly of finding ways to express his emotions clearly and vividly, but without overwrought angst. Vince has good reasons for his depression - he is alone, and has lost his one support person to unexpected death - but he also expresses the kind of overwhelming hopelessness and futility that is sometimes out of proportion to the visible cause of a person's pain. For many teens that feeling of black depression is less concretely tied to the real world, and yet is all too salient. All three teens in this story have very real causes for their pain, but there are so many more for whom the slings and arrows of life are more subtle but no less wounding. This book specifically acknowledges the reality of pain on all levels, and the inappropriateness of making comparisons and saying "I shouldn't be depressed because there are others worse off." It is what it is. At the same time there is a message of hope, of it-gets-better in a life sense, not just a gay bullying sense. "You're broken now, but you can be fixed."
Casper, the girl with cancer, is a wonderful character, and the driving force in the story between the two depressed boys, Vince and Adam. Were it not for her illness, you get the feeling Casper would be out there living life to the fullest. As it is, she tries to push her friends who have the hope of a future past their despair. And in coming together, the boys both find the beginnings of an answer to the hardest question to get past with suicidal teens. When you say "You can be fixed," they sometimes say, "Why bother?" Vince and Adam give each other reasons why.
There is a little bit of idealism and simplicity to this story that puts it into more of a YA territory for me. But in a book about depressed teens, it feels very appropriate to have hope, and closure. And the author does not shy away from logical consequences in most cases. Well written, moving, and hopeful.
September 21, 2014
“He’s like you. Broken, but fixable.”
I knew that, only basing on the cover and the title, the book wouldn’t be for the faint of the heart. But the question was: would it be just about the topic or due to the ability of the author to make our hearts wrench? Because it’s one thing using a delicate theme and another thing altogether to manage to make something from it. The subject can be tough but if the form is not convincing, it’s just an empty shell for me.
I have a future in which I’ll look death at the face more than it’s comfortable to tell. Sometimes I’ll see happy endings, sometimes I won’t. Sometimes it will affect me, sometimes it will be routine. Yeah, it sounds bad: routine. But people are born and put to sleep forever since the beginning of times. And like so, death has been a mystery and a fear since the beginning of times.
If she is in a better place, why are the rest of us trying so hard to stay where we are?
But Death is unfair with the people She chooses. Death is so sure of its victory that gives us an entire life of advantage. Even it that life is prematurely short. Like Adam’s. Like Casper’s. Like Vince’s.
RoxWell has parents who don’t care.
Casper has parents who care too much.
NowhereMan has no parents at all.
It’s funny the reading of this book coincided with a case of a patient I didn’t give much thought about till then. This summer, during my holidays, I’ve been following some interns around the hospital for a month and once we were called to Psychiatry because of an oncologic patient who managed to grab a pair of scissors and stab himself between the ribs. Luckily, there was some spare room for the heart, so it ended as a minor wound, nothing comparing to his current disease. There is some doubt about it being a suicide attempt or not. On one hand, he was a doctor, so he knew exactly the space he had for the tip of the scissors to not to touch the heart, and he himself recognized afterwards doing it just to attract attention from the people surrounding him. But on the other part, he has been taking psych medication for a long time, and all this could be due to a confusional state, and his speeches sometimes make sense, sometimes not. In spite of everything, his family keeps saying he really wanted to kill himself.
We sit on the balcony, hip to hip, being sad together.
In any case, after being explored by the doctors, I got to be alone with him and asked him if he let me touch his abdomen, where the mass was easily palpable. He said immediately: “Of course, it’s a honor. I had been a student too.” At that time I didn’t give much thought to those words, and I very doubt it was his intention for me to do that, but while reading this book I remembered him and it struck me like a cold shower he could have said something more and it would have felt natural: “I was once in your shoes. Someday, you could very possibily be in mine.”
“Keep fighting.
You have the rest of your lives to fix what’s broken.
And the “rest of your live” is only as short as you make it.”
It’s foolish to think that those things that happen to other people can’t happen to us.
Harold twists in his seat toward me “It does make me sad, Vincent. It makes me really sad.”
“You don’t look it.”
“Just because someone doesn’t act or look unhappy doesn’t mean their lives are perfect.” He raises his eyebrows. “There’s this method of dealing with things that involves keeping your chin up. Knowing whatever crap you’re dealing with right now isn’t going to last forever. All things pass.”
I was with him up until this point. Because he’s wrong. “Not all things. Sometimes bad stuff does last. Sometimes it kills you.”
What would I have done in his situation? In Casper’s situation? Would I end my life before the cancer does? Maybe this is a very extreme scenario, but life can be complicated enough without an organic illness. That’s the case of Adam, a kid being ignored for the most time of his life, a soul erased by the perfection imposed by his parents. Or the case of Vince, whose parents gave up on him a long time before he remembers them and has been passed on from foster home to foster home.
Sadness is the rule of the day. And so much sadness drive people to do desperate movements.
"What've you got to lose? You're both miserable. Why not be miserable together?"
I guess she's right. Misery does love company.
Like login in a pro-suicide forum, for instance.
Once upon a time, Vince saw a girl jumping from a bridge. He begins to think it a good idea, too.
“What was the wish I made back when Maggie died?
That I wanted something to love. Someone to live for. Someone who would miss me.
Now I have it, and I’m going to lose them.
This tale has been smooth to read because it’s masterfully written. There was no lump in my throat because I read the book like if it were an ordinary thing, an everyday thing. And in truth, that is the issue. For Vince this apathy in living is an everyday issue. He doesn’t feel angry, he doesn’t feel sorry. He just is there. He has been one foot on the narrow way, one foot on the edge his entire life, but something happens that pushes him to the emptiness and he wonders what does it feel to die.
Once upon a time, I lost everything and I was so alone. The sadness, the hurt, it all seemed to infinite. When you’re wandering alone in a storm, you can’t see the end, or if there even is one, and how close it might be.
I’m still wandering, but maybe I don’t feel so lost now.
I’ll keep trying. I promise.
But in a stroke of luck (or misfortune) he gets to know two people who will give him food for thought for some months. He is not unfixable. He can have a future. And he is not alone. If he leaves this world, there will be people who will miss him, and just the opposite. He finds people he will miss if they leave this world.
“You guys don’t get it, do you?” She fixes her gaze on the ceiling. “You have forever. You have a choice.”
My hands drop to my sides.
“There are all these shitty things, and you feel alone, and you feel sad, and sometimes the sadness is this all-encompasing… thing, this monster that eats you from the inside out. Not existing is the less painful alternative. But you and Adam have the rest of your lives to make things better and find happiness, you know?”
There is no sex in this book. I didn't miss it, either. This is a story of a boy who is broken and wants to end his life but during the way he finds reasons to live and ways to do so, and a person with whom to do so. Nothing excessively melodramatic, just the right proportions of romance, friendship, angst and pain. I fell in love with the three of them. I’ll remember Casper’s vitality on the edge of death. I’ll remember Adam’s silences on the edge of lonesomeness. And I’ll remember Vince’s voice on the edge of emptiness.
Have a life with me.
Fight with me.
Fix things with me.
Everything will be okay because we’ll make it okay.
August 31, 2013
I Could Not Sleep Until I Wrote This
About fifteen minutes ago I wrote a status update where I said that I wanted to sleep on my feelings for this book before I reviewed it. The problem is that it's so heavy on my mind that I can't sleep.
This book is so sad, poignant, and beautiful that it's indescribable and there is no way I'm going to do it any justice. I started this book after it was recommended to me. I'd just finished a book that left a bad taste in my mouth and I was looking for one that had a more positive portrayal of mental illness while still being realistic. I didn't know what to expect from Suicide Watch but whatever I was expecting it far surpassed anything I was hoping for.
Vincent broke my heart and then Casper broke my heart right before Adam came along and broke it some more. Once Vincent, Adam, and Casper were all together my heart was ripped to shreds. Their friendship was good and gorgeous because it saved them. It was also the most heartbreaking thing ever because I knew there was heartache coming and these three characters that I loved and felt in my heart were just so broken.
This book portrayed mental illness, emotions, melancholy, death, life, and everything in between in such a realistic way. It does it in a way that didn't make me feel like it was being unfair, melodramatic, or emotionally dishonest.
I cried, damn near sobbed and in the end there was a bit of a smile on my face because I had hope.
This review was not much of a review and more of a rambling mess but I needed to type out something so that this book might stop haunting me long enough to let me get some sleep.
About fifteen minutes ago I wrote a status update where I said that I wanted to sleep on my feelings for this book before I reviewed it. The problem is that it's so heavy on my mind that I can't sleep.
This book is so sad, poignant, and beautiful that it's indescribable and there is no way I'm going to do it any justice. I started this book after it was recommended to me. I'd just finished a book that left a bad taste in my mouth and I was looking for one that had a more positive portrayal of mental illness while still being realistic. I didn't know what to expect from Suicide Watch but whatever I was expecting it far surpassed anything I was hoping for.
Vincent broke my heart and then Casper broke my heart right before Adam came along and broke it some more. Once Vincent, Adam, and Casper were all together my heart was ripped to shreds. Their friendship was good and gorgeous because it saved them. It was also the most heartbreaking thing ever because I knew there was heartache coming and these three characters that I loved and felt in my heart were just so broken.
This book portrayed mental illness, emotions, melancholy, death, life, and everything in between in such a realistic way. It does it in a way that didn't make me feel like it was being unfair, melodramatic, or emotionally dishonest.
I cried, damn near sobbed and in the end there was a bit of a smile on my face because I had hope.
This review was not much of a review and more of a rambling mess but I needed to type out something so that this book might stop haunting me long enough to let me get some sleep.
January 24, 2019
Read in December 2012.
Suicide Watch is surely one of those books that stay with you for a long time. It’s about a friendship of three broken and forgotten teenagers. Casper, a girl in the last stages of cancer, Adam a boy whose mother doesn’t seem to know he even exists and Vincent, a lonely boy suffering from panic attacks. All three of them are toying with the idea of committing suicide.
The characters are so pained and hurt, but still the story provides hope and love for the sick, lonely and forgotten people in our heartless and cold world. The slowly blossoming love between Vince and Adam is so beautiful to watch. Only thinking about this wonderful and extraordinary love makes me cry again. It’s sad, heart-breaking, beautiful, brutally honest, exceptional and… hopeful at the same time, a little gem I won’t forget. Ever!
Suicide Watch is surely one of those books that stay with you for a long time. It’s about a friendship of three broken and forgotten teenagers. Casper, a girl in the last stages of cancer, Adam a boy whose mother doesn’t seem to know he even exists and Vincent, a lonely boy suffering from panic attacks. All three of them are toying with the idea of committing suicide.
The characters are so pained and hurt, but still the story provides hope and love for the sick, lonely and forgotten people in our heartless and cold world. The slowly blossoming love between Vince and Adam is so beautiful to watch. Only thinking about this wonderful and extraordinary love makes me cry again. It’s sad, heart-breaking, beautiful, brutally honest, exceptional and… hopeful at the same time, a little gem I won’t forget. Ever!
February 1, 2013
Beautifully stark, and haunting. I love that the author has pulled no punches, but still didn't fall into melodrama. The characters are the kind that stay with you, and I love the process they have to go through to come out the other side. There is no magic cure, no one person that makes everything better, they have to reach out to others to heal.
January 3, 2013
This book was...it just was...
Heartbreaking
Beautiful
Real
Resonant
There is not a soul who cannot identify with at least someone or something in this book.
Heartbreaking
Beautiful
Real
Resonant
There is not a soul who cannot identify with at least someone or something in this book.
March 5, 2014
Warning: There are some intensely personal thoughts and feelings in this review. Read it and I’m sure you’ll know a few more things about me than maybe you wished to. I thought about editing them down or out, but in the end I decided I wanted people and maybe especially the author to know how much this book touched me. God this book touched me so much. I know those kids, I was one of those kids everyday struggling, wondering if anyone would notice or care if I wasn’t here anymore. If I hadn’t had the amazingly wonderful family I grew up with I probably would have ended up on the wrong side of that scenario, but not matter how unworthy and invisible to the rest of the world I felt I always knew my family loved and cared for me and that was more than enough to pull me back from the edge. Because of all that I don’t know how I’m going to write a review of this story, but I’m going to try.
This story may have started here - with so many feelings boiling underneath...
Vincent has had it rough pretty much from day one. His parents decided when he was around 2 that they just didn’t want a kid anymore and he’s spent the rest of his life being bounced from foster care to foster care, never settled anywhere for long. School was a struggle and he’s never felt comfortable around people. Finally his most recent foster mother seemed to actually care about him a little bit and helped him pull out of high school and get his diploma through an independent study program. Every day he’s waited for her to send him back, and every day it hasn’t happened. Yet today he’s graduating, only she’s not there to see him accept his diploma. What little piece of stability and faith Vincent had managed to establish just came crashing down around his ears when he finds out his foster mother had just passed away from a heart attack.
Truly convinced that there’s no on in the world that would notice or care if he was gone he stumbles across a website for those suicidal souls, only this page isn’t there to help boost you up, it’s there to help you decide how to die.
This book could have been over the top depressing. I mean the entire story is told from the POV of on suicidal teen. One boy searching for any reason to hope that the world isn’t better off with out him. In the end though that’s really what this story is about, the hope that there is a better tomorrow out there. When I read the title to this book I admit I geared myself up before I even cracked a page. I was sure I was going to be buried neck deep in an angst fest second to none. Instead I got a truly touching story with a boy finding inner strength when he was sure he had none. Not to say that there wasn’t emotional angst in the story, there was and justifiably so, but it wasn’t the end all be all of this piece.
It’s amazing how morbid a thought it is to think of a website established as a support group for people who want to die. But the one thing I did like about the idea presented here was that it wasn’t all about people who were mentally ill or struggling with depression. This opened up the discussion about death as an option when the physical act of living with an illness becomes too much to bear. I’ve never understood the idea of forcing someone to live their life in agony as their body betrays them more and more each day. Granted I’m not saying go out and kill ever person with a terminal illness, but on the same token I don’t understand the idea of punishing someone willing to help them leave this world with a little dignity and grace. When my aunt passed away from breast cancer and my grandmother lost her fight with the numerous ailments she was suffering from, neither woman was living in a state the wanted to be in. We as a family had decided to honor their DNR’s and not force them to continue in life past the point they chose to fight. That mentality makes so much sense to me. I want to be in this world as long as I can enjoy each and every moment that I’m here. At the point my body is betraying me with no hope of a future and every breath is pain, prolonging that agony isn’t living any more. Ok…so that just totally went morbid and I’m sorry and maybe I’ll think about adjusting it, but it’s strangely a subject I’m passionate about. In fact I have an entire screenplay written dealing with just that. It’s a beautiful romantic drama and a story I feel needed to be told (yes it is entirely fictional).
The point of that whole rant was that I absolutely adored Casper. God her strength of character and fight to enjoy every last piece of her life was awe inspiring. I loved the hope she had for Alex and Victor. Her conviction that all they had to do was try was phenomenal. As sad for her own state as she was, she knew the cancer was going to kill her, there was no way out, she knew that wasn’t the case for them and she wanted to see them live full lives. This wasn’t a case of three teens agreeing to a suicide pact together. No, she wanted to see them blossom and grow. She wanted the best for them and loved every minute she got to spend with them as well.
As for Victor and Alex…those poor boys. Every character in this piece had their reasons for their fear and depression. I appreciated how Ms. York allowed that every person’s pain is real no matter how big or how small it is. It doesn’t matter. All that matter’s is that it’s real to you. [image error] All three of these teens have had to struggle and overcome terrible odds to even get to the point they were at. But reading this, being inside Victor’s head, I truly felt like I was getting to see hope blossom one little sprig of green at a time. Sure he’s not healed completely yet, and maybe he never will be, but with Adam there, together they’ve found the strength to face each day and fight.
"Keep fighting. You have the rest of your lives to fix what’s broken."
And that’s exactly the sentiment I left off feeling after finishing this story. I cried a little, but at the end of this story it helped remind me that I do have things as well that are worth fighting for and no matter how bad things may seem in the moment, how much you don’t want to get out of bed and face the day...
Tomorrow is right around the corner and it can be better if you just try. It was a long hard road for me to get to the point where I was happy with who I was and genuinely liked being me. At this point most people would assume that I’m an extremely happy person as I tend to have a smile on my face and a ready laugh. But this story reminds me of how much I fought to get to that point, and how it’s ok that I still have those bad days. Those days when dealing with people is just too much effort and all I want to do is curl myself into a little ball and lose myself in a book. It’s ok, cause tomorrow will be better if you just try. "Keep fighting. You have the rest of your lives to fix what’s broken."
I think this is going to go up on my wall as my new motto. This book is a wonderful read for those who like YA as well as for those adult readers out there. There is a broad appeal here. I just want to finish this up by saying a special thank you to Ms. York for writing this story and putting it out there. I know somewhere there is or has already been some troubled teen that will read this and know that it’s ok, that it does get better and gain strength from that. This is an incredibly sensitive and understanding look at one it means to be suicidal and struggling, to be dealing with depression and sadness outside the bounds of your control. So thank you Ms. York, I will treasure this read for ages to come.
But I’m so happy this story ended here!
January 4, 2018
I don’t understand how this book isn’t more popular. More people need to read this, dammit!
This... this is the book The Fault in Our Stars, All the Bright Places, and Me and Earl and the Dying Girl should’ve been. Seriously, it has opened my eyes to looking past overhyped nonsense. I even went and changed a few ratings of the aforementioned, because I realize I was too lax in my reviews.
Suicide Watch is a quiet and honest (without being preachy) novel about dealing with (and coping with) life when it seems all is lost. It’s about finding people and the things worth sticking around for— and it’s not an easy book to get through. These are legitimate issues, and I teared up quite a few times. The books that do that are the ones that hit a little too close to home. It’s just so uncomplicated (in the way it excludes pointless tropes and plot points, and unnecessary gimmicks) and real, unlike the other novels I mentioned above, because so many are struggling— and there are websites like the one found in Suicide Watch. And it’s sickening and painful to know this. People, especially teens, need outlets for bettering themselves when they feel the inescapable pull of loneliness and self-defeat. I just hope that if they’re on the edge of giving up, that they think a bit longer, and find something or someone to stick around for.
In the end, this is a heartbreaking, profound, life-affirming book.
***For anyone who needs to, TALK to someone. You’re worth it.***
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK [8255])
This... this is the book The Fault in Our Stars, All the Bright Places, and Me and Earl and the Dying Girl should’ve been. Seriously, it has opened my eyes to looking past overhyped nonsense. I even went and changed a few ratings of the aforementioned, because I realize I was too lax in my reviews.
Suicide Watch is a quiet and honest (without being preachy) novel about dealing with (and coping with) life when it seems all is lost. It’s about finding people and the things worth sticking around for— and it’s not an easy book to get through. These are legitimate issues, and I teared up quite a few times. The books that do that are the ones that hit a little too close to home. It’s just so uncomplicated (in the way it excludes pointless tropes and plot points, and unnecessary gimmicks) and real, unlike the other novels I mentioned above, because so many are struggling— and there are websites like the one found in Suicide Watch. And it’s sickening and painful to know this. People, especially teens, need outlets for bettering themselves when they feel the inescapable pull of loneliness and self-defeat. I just hope that if they’re on the edge of giving up, that they think a bit longer, and find something or someone to stick around for.
In the end, this is a heartbreaking, profound, life-affirming book.
***For anyone who needs to, TALK to someone. You’re worth it.***
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK [8255])
December 29, 2014
Once upon a time, I lost everything and I was so alone. The sadness, the hurt, it all seemed so infinite. When you're wandering alone in a storm, you can't see the end, or if there is one, and how close it might be.
I'm still wandering, but maybe I don't feel so lost now.
I'll keep trying. I promise.
It's hard being alone. I've been there, I still am actually. This book really hit me square in the chest. There are just so many things on here that I could relate to. I don't have cancer. I am not overly anxious. I haven't been abandoned. I don't have parents that ignores me. But still, I could relate to this book. The feeling of loneliness. The feeling of sadness. The feeling of hopelessness and helplessness. They're all very familiar feelings to me, which is why this book really touched me. It was like, I was one of them.
Vincent never knew what it was like to have a family. He felt unloved and unwanted - which is very understandabe because her parents gave him away at a young age. He only knew what it was like to have foster parents, but not real ones. Then Maggie takes him in.
Nobody wanted me. Not until Maggie.
Maggie was the closest to a parent he ever had. He wanted to make her happy. But just when things were going well between her and Maggie - she had to leave him too.
I want to cry. Crying would be the normal reaction to this, to losing someone who was more family to me than anyone else has been. Being a wreck would be better than this: feeling nothing and everything all at once and physically unable to react to any of it.
There was nothing out there for him. No one was going to miss him when he's gone. He then often wonder about whether the girl she saw jump over the bridge made the right decision. Was it right to submit to the feeling of emptiness? Was it right to just let go of everything?
What's it like to die?
He's gone searching on the internet, then stumbled upon a website called Suicide Watch. It was a forum where people go, if they are thinking of giving up on life. He signs up, wanting to get some answers: should he or shouldn't he do it. Instead of answers, he unexpectedly found friends.
Casper, Roxwell and Vincent each have their own demons to face. They may not have the same ones, but they were able to help each other in ways that no body else could have.
Let me talk about the characters
RoxWell has parent's that don't care.
Casper has parents that cared too much.
NowhereMan has no parents at all.
Vincent's thoughts were very genuine. I wasn't put up for adoption. I wasn't given up to foster care. I don't get anxiety attacks. I do trust people. But I had, at some point in my life, felt alone, unwanted and uncared for. I understood what Vince went through, and all of them were valid responses to these types of scenarios. But of course, there will be some exceptions - those exceptions are mostly the ones that have someone to really guide them with what they're going through, unlike with Vince's case - he had no one. I get why he couldn't let himself trust anyone - he doesn't want to trust and then they'll just leave anyways. He was over with rejection. He was over with people not wanting him and giving him away. It is not a good feeling. As the story progressed, you'll see how he grows, and you'll smile, because you witnessed his journey. It wasn't easy to read, but it was worth it.
Casper would have to be the one that broke my heart the most. I just really love this girl. She reminds me so much of Hazel Grace from the Fault in our Stars only more rebellious and spunky. I actually think I like her more now that Hazel. Okay, so aside from cancer, they were both strong-willed girls. That's one of the things I love about them. They were fighting it. They knew the inevitable will come at some point, but they tried to live the most of what time they had left. I'm not gonna tell, but you probably know based on what I'm saying what will happen to her. It was very tragic for me. That part made me the saddest.
My pain is more of a family thing like Adam's. I get his pain the most. The difference though is that my mom focused too much on me. She focused too much on the stuff she wants me to do, never what I want. And that really fucked me up. I wish I had gone for what my aspirations were, chose the course I wanted to get, then maybe my life wouldn't have turned out the way it did. I love my mom, I really do. But there's still this part of me that thinks, life would have been far better, if I was given the choice. Adam's mom distanced herself from him more the moment his dad died. Like Vince, he felt alone and deserted by the people who should have been there for him.
I still have a lot of feelings right now.
"Look. I know you think life is terrible. And it is. It's... pretty shitty, actually. But you weren't supposed to do this. Not yet. You think it's fine, because no one else will miss you, but you're wrong."
My voice hitches, cracks.
"You're really, really wrong, Adam. I would miss you."
Everyone needs someone. Sometimes, knowing that someone's there, makes things better. Suicide's only an option for some, because they think, no one will care anyways, that no one will be affected if they die. But they're wrong too. There are people who care about them as well, they just couldn't see it, or doesn't want to see it sometimes.
Life is short. Death is inevitable. This book shows just how little time we all have through Casper. Casper's last days had become more than what it should have been because of Adam and Vincent. They made the last days of her life more bearable. She was so grateful to them, her parents, that she decided what needs to be decided - I'm not going to judge her for that. I know I'm already ranting about a bunch of random stuff, but my point is, that we have an effect on other people. What little thing we do for others, maybe a big deal for them. By the way, it wasn't only Adam and Vincent who's done something good here. Casper has done her fair share as well like bringing Vincent and Adam together.
Have a life with me.
Fight with me.
Fix things with me.
Everything will be okay because we'll make it okay.
Another thing that surprised me the most, is how much I was rooting for Vincent and Adam. I would not have ever imagined that. I'll be honest, I have never read a book with a guy and a guy falling in love. I actually had a feeling that there will be something like it as I was reading, but surprisingly, I didn't care at all. In fact, I absolutely wanted them to be together. They were perfect for each other. Who says two broken people couldn't make a whole? LOL. I'm serious though, I think it's one of the things that drawn me to this book, it made you love and understand things you couldn't.
Not everyone could understand why a depressed person would want to kill himself. Not everyone would understand why a girl with cancer would endangers herself by sneaking out of the house just for the sake of fun. Not everyone would understand why someone would wreck his mom's carpet just to get her attention,. Not everyone could understand what they're going through, but this book made us think about the why these people are doing it, not the what. You get to understand why these kids act the way they act.
I'm not sure if I reviewed this book right, mostly, I just rambled on and on about stuff that relates to it and not really to review the entire content of it. This book is a poignant coming of age story about three teenagers fighting their urge to end life. It will make you laugh. It will make you cry. It will make you happy. It will make you sad. It will make you feel all sorts of emotions. I highly recommend this. This book is a message of encouragement to all those out there who are feeling down and alone.
You have the rest of your life to fix what's broken.
And the "rest of your life" is only as short as you make it.
February 11, 2014
18-year-old Vincent Hazelwood earns his high school diploma after years of moving from foster home to foster home, dealing with bullies, and feeling apart from the rest of his peers in general. His guardian, Maggie Atkins, made it all possible: she understood him and cared for him in a way no one else could. When Maggie passes away, Vince drops to rock bottom, and he only finds solace in a website called Suicide Watch. Amidst the desperate and depressed souls on this site he meets Casper, a girl fighting cancer, and Adam, a quiet boy with an abusive mother. Vince bonds with them, but the three still struggle to stay afloat as life punches them in the gut over and over again.
Kelley York navigates the difficult and devastating theme of suicide with clarity and warmth. While Vince's voice does not captivate from the start, it grows over the narrative, and his interactions with Casper and Adam were where the book shined the most. The angst and the camaraderie the three shared felt real, and all of the emotional turmoil, while not easy to read, was conducive to a hopeful ending.
Overall, I would recommend Suicide Watch to anyone searching for a great YA read concerning depression, mental illness, suicide, or just a well-written book with strong friendships. At some points York only skims the surface of the characters' emotional depths - like with Vince and Adam's relationship - but she still conveys a heartfelt story about the process of recovering from pain nonetheless. A quick yet sincere novel.
Kelley York navigates the difficult and devastating theme of suicide with clarity and warmth. While Vince's voice does not captivate from the start, it grows over the narrative, and his interactions with Casper and Adam were where the book shined the most. The angst and the camaraderie the three shared felt real, and all of the emotional turmoil, while not easy to read, was conducive to a hopeful ending.
Overall, I would recommend Suicide Watch to anyone searching for a great YA read concerning depression, mental illness, suicide, or just a well-written book with strong friendships. At some points York only skims the surface of the characters' emotional depths - like with Vince and Adam's relationship - but she still conveys a heartfelt story about the process of recovering from pain nonetheless. A quick yet sincere novel.
July 16, 2013
This is an outstanding, take my breath away, make me stare off into space not knowing how to express my feelings kinda book! This was about a friendship of 3 broken and forgotten people. People that some of society do their best to brush off and ignore. If you are looking for an m/m romance this is not what this book is about. This story is much deeper than that, and I have to say I stayed up all night to finish it. When i looked at my clock and it said 3:30 am, I got a glass of water and just kept reading. So here I am at 8 am trying to put into words what this story did to my heart and my soul, but I am drawing a blank .
What a talented author, thanks for writing such an incredible story!
What a talented author, thanks for writing such an incredible story!
February 11, 2013
I am sitting here at my computer trying to decide what to write. How can my feeble words express how this book touched me. How this book made me cry. How at the end it took my broken heart and started to put it back together again.
I don't have enough talent with words to express how this book affected me. All I can say is that this was one of the most powerful, most emotional things I have ever read, and these characters will now and for always have a special place in my heart.
I don't have enough talent with words to express how this book affected me. All I can say is that this was one of the most powerful, most emotional things I have ever read, and these characters will now and for always have a special place in my heart.
August 27, 2023
With a title like this, you know you have to be in a certain mood to choose this as your next book to read. For some reason I was craving some deeply, heartfelt story's this past week, and this book did meet my expectations.
I don't think I need to say you have to be aware of the triggers, because with a word like 'suicide' in the title, you already know what this book is about. It's also a story about teenagers, and maybe that makes this book harder to read, as a mother of a troubled teenager myself. I still think the teenage years are the toughest challenges we face as a human. Finding your place in this world, thinking about your future and how you want it to look like. Needing to feel accepted for who you are, having peers to belong to. I think they are the most confusing years you have to get through.
So, having said that, this book touches all these subjects and more.
The sudden passing of his care taker leaves Vincent all alone. He's just 18 years of age, has been tossed around from one foster parent to another, and now he finally found someone who really wanted to take care of him, and he loses her. She leaves him some money, but a stranger to how the world around him really works, he has difficulty finding his footage. He also remembers how he watched a girl jump off a bridge about a year ago, and he starts to think that making that same choice would wash away all his problems and emotions he doesn't allow himself to feel.
Through a pro-suicide forum he meets other young people debating the same thing and he befriends Casper and Adam. Casper knows she isn't going to live much longer because the cancer in her body is no longer treatable and Adam comes from a difficult home, where his father passed away a few years ago and his mother couldn't care less about him. She's a harsh woman, violent even, and he even doubts whether she would miss him if he would just make an end to everything.
I liked how this author created their characters - very real and honest. The story is told from Vincent's pov and it was easy to connect to him, hearing his thoughts, being inside his head. Knowing why he does what he does. I was glad that he had Harold, his foster-mother's friend and lawyer, an adult who kept an eye out on him, even when Vince wanted to keep him at a distant for a long while. I loved how Vincent and Adam slowly grew into their friendship and their falling in love, and I loved Casper's no nonsense attitude, even when she sometimes let her guards down and we were shown her vulnerability.
This is not a happy book, but it does have an overall hopeful feeling. It leaves you hopeful. You witness how Vince and Adam slowly start to believe in a future, start to see that this shitty life they're leading is only temporarily, that it's up to themselves to make something out of it and leave things behind. It was good to see (and believable too) how their mindset slowly changed.
It's not that this book ends with a hea, but I do think it ends on a hopeful note that I think we could consider to be a hfn. And that's maybe what makes this book powerful with a life lesson that's worth something: how bad life may seem at that moment, it's in your own power to change things and make them better if you want them to be. It's not easy, that's not the message, but it's possible if you believe in yourself.
Once upon a time, I lost everything, and I was so alone. The sadness, the hurt, it all seemed so infinite. When you're wandering alone in a storm, you can't see the end, or if there even is one, and how close it might be. I'm still wandering, but maybe I don't feel so lost now.
I don't think I need to say you have to be aware of the triggers, because with a word like 'suicide' in the title, you already know what this book is about. It's also a story about teenagers, and maybe that makes this book harder to read, as a mother of a troubled teenager myself. I still think the teenage years are the toughest challenges we face as a human. Finding your place in this world, thinking about your future and how you want it to look like. Needing to feel accepted for who you are, having peers to belong to. I think they are the most confusing years you have to get through.
So, having said that, this book touches all these subjects and more.
The sudden passing of his care taker leaves Vincent all alone. He's just 18 years of age, has been tossed around from one foster parent to another, and now he finally found someone who really wanted to take care of him, and he loses her. She leaves him some money, but a stranger to how the world around him really works, he has difficulty finding his footage. He also remembers how he watched a girl jump off a bridge about a year ago, and he starts to think that making that same choice would wash away all his problems and emotions he doesn't allow himself to feel.
Through a pro-suicide forum he meets other young people debating the same thing and he befriends Casper and Adam. Casper knows she isn't going to live much longer because the cancer in her body is no longer treatable and Adam comes from a difficult home, where his father passed away a few years ago and his mother couldn't care less about him. She's a harsh woman, violent even, and he even doubts whether she would miss him if he would just make an end to everything.
I liked how this author created their characters - very real and honest. The story is told from Vincent's pov and it was easy to connect to him, hearing his thoughts, being inside his head. Knowing why he does what he does. I was glad that he had Harold, his foster-mother's friend and lawyer, an adult who kept an eye out on him, even when Vince wanted to keep him at a distant for a long while. I loved how Vincent and Adam slowly grew into their friendship and their falling in love, and I loved Casper's no nonsense attitude, even when she sometimes let her guards down and we were shown her vulnerability.
This is not a happy book, but it does have an overall hopeful feeling. It leaves you hopeful. You witness how Vince and Adam slowly start to believe in a future, start to see that this shitty life they're leading is only temporarily, that it's up to themselves to make something out of it and leave things behind. It was good to see (and believable too) how their mindset slowly changed.
It's not that this book ends with a hea, but I do think it ends on a hopeful note that I think we could consider to be a hfn. And that's maybe what makes this book powerful with a life lesson that's worth something: how bad life may seem at that moment, it's in your own power to change things and make them better if you want them to be. It's not easy, that's not the message, but it's possible if you believe in yourself.
Once upon a time, I lost everything, and I was so alone. The sadness, the hurt, it all seemed so infinite. When you're wandering alone in a storm, you can't see the end, or if there even is one, and how close it might be. I'm still wandering, but maybe I don't feel so lost now.
January 6, 2013
Oh, this book. It broke my heart and then taped it back together. Dark, moving, and hopeful. Beautifully written.
December 1, 2013
I honestly don't even know where to begin with this review. I had every intention when I began reading this one to sit down right after and write up a review for it, but by the time I reached the end, that notion was long forgotten, buried beneath the pain and hurt and ultimate happiness York's words left me with. I can honestly say that it's been a while since I've stayed up really late to finish a book, and even longer than that since one grabbed me like this one did. I finished it at about 3am, and was up till well after 4 trying to forget about it enough to go to sleep. It's that powerful.
SUICIDE WATCH tells the story of Vince, a foster kid who, in my opinion, epitomizes a broken soul. Right from the beginning, I felt Vince's pain over being abandoned by his parents, being left to fend for himself. He's painfully shy and introverted, and secretly harbors thoughts of taking his own life. This is what leads him to a suicide-friendly website, and ultimately the two equally-as-broken souls that end up changing him forever.
And those souls are Casper and Adam, two fellow website forum members Vince surprisingly builds online relationships with. Casper, suffering from cervical cancer, is sassy and outspoken, while Adam (screen name Roxwell) merely IMs Beatles lyrics and nothing else. But you can see right away that Vince feels a connection to these two, that they are an unknown lifeline for him. He finds himself looking forward to their chats online, even if the topic at hand is self-inflicted death.
When Casper asks to meet, Vince is naturally reluctant but agrees. The two draw even closer, sharing a bond that most of us would/could never understand. Their second in-person meeting includes Adam, who is even more painfully shy and withdrawn than Vince. But Vince, now comfortable with this new-found social circle, keeps at Adam until he opens up, and instantly Vince is drawn to him (in my opinion, because he sees himself in Adam; but that's just my opinion, lol).
The rest of this heartbreaking tale consists of three teens who are pulled by unspeakable forces into a friendship stronger than the death they each secretly want but don't want, and York unfolds their tale with expert craft and mind-numbing emotion. There is so much I would love to say here, but I can't for fear of ruining the experience of reading it. Just suffice it to say that SUICIDE WATCH will tear your heart into pieces before it gently pulls those pieces back together again.
Only because I set my ratings system at 1-5 am I giving SUICIDE WATCH 5 Stars. Believe me when I say it deserves so many more.
SUICIDE WATCH tells the story of Vince, a foster kid who, in my opinion, epitomizes a broken soul. Right from the beginning, I felt Vince's pain over being abandoned by his parents, being left to fend for himself. He's painfully shy and introverted, and secretly harbors thoughts of taking his own life. This is what leads him to a suicide-friendly website, and ultimately the two equally-as-broken souls that end up changing him forever.
And those souls are Casper and Adam, two fellow website forum members Vince surprisingly builds online relationships with. Casper, suffering from cervical cancer, is sassy and outspoken, while Adam (screen name Roxwell) merely IMs Beatles lyrics and nothing else. But you can see right away that Vince feels a connection to these two, that they are an unknown lifeline for him. He finds himself looking forward to their chats online, even if the topic at hand is self-inflicted death.
When Casper asks to meet, Vince is naturally reluctant but agrees. The two draw even closer, sharing a bond that most of us would/could never understand. Their second in-person meeting includes Adam, who is even more painfully shy and withdrawn than Vince. But Vince, now comfortable with this new-found social circle, keeps at Adam until he opens up, and instantly Vince is drawn to him (in my opinion, because he sees himself in Adam; but that's just my opinion, lol).
The rest of this heartbreaking tale consists of three teens who are pulled by unspeakable forces into a friendship stronger than the death they each secretly want but don't want, and York unfolds their tale with expert craft and mind-numbing emotion. There is so much I would love to say here, but I can't for fear of ruining the experience of reading it. Just suffice it to say that SUICIDE WATCH will tear your heart into pieces before it gently pulls those pieces back together again.
Only because I set my ratings system at 1-5 am I giving SUICIDE WATCH 5 Stars. Believe me when I say it deserves so many more.
December 5, 2012
A beautiful and heartbreaking, yet hopeful book with characters who take up residence in your heart.
April 22, 2014
Vincent has a hard life. A product of the foster system, he’s moved from home to home and never been able to find the right fit. So when he lands with Maggie and she takes care of him in the best possible ways--not by smothering him with emotion or with unreasonable strictness--but in ways that cater to Vince’s personality and his story. With Maggie, it seems, things might actually work out for the best.
So it’s fairly easy to see why Maggie’s death nearly destroys the fragile facade of Vince’s life. What will he do, this kid who has little knowledge about how to take care of himself? Can he survive? As you read Suicide Watch, you’ll never stop asking yourself that question.
Not once, even to the very end.
It becomes clear that Vince desperately needs friends in his life. He has one adult who seems invested in helping Vince make it through these tough times, but it’s Casper, a girl with terminal cancer, and Adam, a socially awkward and depressed boy close to Vince’s age, who start to bring about change. They meet in a suicide-pact chat forum, but slowly, slowly these three learn to cope with their individual destinies and struggle to lift each other up and make peace with their troubles.
Vince’s story is haunting and sad. It’ll leave a lump in your throat. I thought Suicide Watch perfectly captured the feelings and emotions of youth. Feelings of isolation and desperation, but also feelings of wanting to belong and fit in and be loved. You’ll want things to get better--for all of them, but especially Vince.
Kelley York’s writing so thoroughly captures the desperation of each and every single character. I felt down but not out while I was reading, and I hoped. I hoped so intensely. I won’t share with you whether or not there’s a “happy” ending; I think that would defeat the purpose of the story. But I hope you’ll read it and find out for yourself. It’s a beautifully written book.
4.5 stars, rounded up.
So it’s fairly easy to see why Maggie’s death nearly destroys the fragile facade of Vince’s life. What will he do, this kid who has little knowledge about how to take care of himself? Can he survive? As you read Suicide Watch, you’ll never stop asking yourself that question.
Not once, even to the very end.
It becomes clear that Vince desperately needs friends in his life. He has one adult who seems invested in helping Vince make it through these tough times, but it’s Casper, a girl with terminal cancer, and Adam, a socially awkward and depressed boy close to Vince’s age, who start to bring about change. They meet in a suicide-pact chat forum, but slowly, slowly these three learn to cope with their individual destinies and struggle to lift each other up and make peace with their troubles.
Vince’s story is haunting and sad. It’ll leave a lump in your throat. I thought Suicide Watch perfectly captured the feelings and emotions of youth. Feelings of isolation and desperation, but also feelings of wanting to belong and fit in and be loved. You’ll want things to get better--for all of them, but especially Vince.
Kelley York’s writing so thoroughly captures the desperation of each and every single character. I felt down but not out while I was reading, and I hoped. I hoped so intensely. I won’t share with you whether or not there’s a “happy” ending; I think that would defeat the purpose of the story. But I hope you’ll read it and find out for yourself. It’s a beautifully written book.
4.5 stars, rounded up.
January 5, 2015
WOW!!! I have had this book on my TBR list for a while and am asking why I waited so long to read it. If you aren't into books that are full on angst then this book is not for you.Once I started this book I couldn't out it down until I was finished.
Vince and Adam are emotionally damaged in their own way and Casper has Cancer . The three young people meet on a site called Suicide Watch which is for people contemplating suicide. This book was so amazing and it is a book that is definitely a keeper and I know it is a book I will read again in the future.
Vince and Adam are emotionally damaged in their own way and Casper has Cancer . The three young people meet on a site called Suicide Watch which is for people contemplating suicide. This book was so amazing and it is a book that is definitely a keeper and I know it is a book I will read again in the future.
December 22, 2016
I really don't have the words to write an adequate review. This book slayed me. So many tears, so much heartache. And yet, so hopeful too.
Read this, I beg you. It's not a fluffy romance, and it will hurt, but read it anyway. It's beyond beautiful.
Read this, I beg you. It's not a fluffy romance, and it will hurt, but read it anyway. It's beyond beautiful.
Read
May 4, 2022dnf.
January 29, 2013
I have always liked Kelley York's writing style, since Hushed, with its simplicity, practicality and sincerity. It is truly fitting and effective to portray vividly and realistically the harsh life in general, as well as ones of Vincent, Adam and Casper. It easily went to my mind, my heart with a powerful strength in which I breathed and felt with the characters's emotions, especially Vincent's. Sad, lonely, desperate, suicidal Vincent.
There wasn't a book before that made me tear up as much as this one did, honest, and I'm not exactly weepy. I didn't really know why, just that, it's so sad, heart-wrenchingly sad. More than one time I felt like my heart was shattering into thousand tiny pieces with the bleakness and hopelessness Vincent went through. It was very real, like I did feel in real life, once.
Simply put, you're going to have to experiment this story yourself to fully realize its beauty and brilliance. Thank you, Kelley, I had an unforgettable ride.
There wasn't a book before that made me tear up as much as this one did, honest, and I'm not exactly weepy. I didn't really know why, just that, it's so sad, heart-wrenchingly sad. More than one time I felt like my heart was shattering into thousand tiny pieces with the bleakness and hopelessness Vincent went through. It was very real, like I did feel in real life, once.
Simply put, you're going to have to experiment this story yourself to fully realize its beauty and brilliance. Thank you, Kelley, I had an unforgettable ride.
February 8, 2014
Wow I can't review this accept to say it was heartbreaking, sad and beautiful so I'll say this...
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
John Lennon - Imagine
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
John Lennon - Imagine
January 3, 2013
I wasn't sure what to expect when I started this book but wow the writing pulled me in right away. It was a hard read at times because it touches on a sensitive topic but it also made me laugh and cry. I related to the main characters, Vince, Casper and Adam even though the story is told from Vince point of view. Casper, I loved her, so full of life and strong even though she is dying of cancer. It was emotional, heartbreaking and so full of hope. Recommended!
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