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Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily
In Love Life, relationship coach and expert Matthew Hussey explores the most important and foundational relationship of all—the one we have with ourselves.
More than a book about navigating our love lives, Hussey’s new book is about the deeper issues our love lives reveal. Love isn’t the answer to our problems, Hussey explains. It’s a doorway to them; not a way out, but a way in. Like most of us, Hussey has gone through major changes over the past decade, and he shares some of those experiences, vulnerabilities, and mistakes.
What happens when we date, fall in love, or when we are faced with loneliness? What decisions do we make that cause us more pain and send us further adrift from what we want? Who hasn’t shied away from taking risks because they feared rejection? Who hasn’t put up with the wrong behavior because they’re afraid of losing someone or of expressing what they really need? Who hasn’t lived with the fear and anxiety of not being good enough for their partner? Or knowing their partner isn’t good for them, but stay in a bad relationship that is ultimately self-harming? In Love Life Hussey addresses these questions and more.
Our love lives hold the uncanny power to elevate or eradicate all the adjacent joy in our lives. The deeper purpose of Love Life is to ensure your love for your life will never be dependent on your relationship status. It’s about finding your love for life even while still on the journey to finding your person.
More than a book about navigating our love lives, Hussey’s new book is about the deeper issues our love lives reveal. Love isn’t the answer to our problems, Hussey explains. It’s a doorway to them; not a way out, but a way in. Like most of us, Hussey has gone through major changes over the past decade, and he shares some of those experiences, vulnerabilities, and mistakes.
What happens when we date, fall in love, or when we are faced with loneliness? What decisions do we make that cause us more pain and send us further adrift from what we want? Who hasn’t shied away from taking risks because they feared rejection? Who hasn’t put up with the wrong behavior because they’re afraid of losing someone or of expressing what they really need? Who hasn’t lived with the fear and anxiety of not being good enough for their partner? Or knowing their partner isn’t good for them, but stay in a bad relationship that is ultimately self-harming? In Love Life Hussey addresses these questions and more.
Our love lives hold the uncanny power to elevate or eradicate all the adjacent joy in our lives. The deeper purpose of Love Life is to ensure your love for your life will never be dependent on your relationship status. It’s about finding your love for life even while still on the journey to finding your person.
272 pages, Hardcover
Published April 23, 2024
About the author
Matthew Hussey
6 books1,050 followersMatthew Hussey is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and coach specializing in confidence and relational intelligence. His brand-new book,
Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily (No Matter What),
will be released on April 23.
Matthew's YouTube channel is number one in the world for love life advice, with over half a billion views. He writes a weekly newsletter and is the host of the podcast, Love Life With Matthew Hussey. He provides monthly coaching to the members of his private community at LoveLifeClub.com.
Over the past fifteen years, his proven approach has inspired millions through authentic, insightful, and practical advice that not only enables them to find love but also feel confident and in control of their own happiness. He lives in Los Angeles.
Matthew's YouTube channel is number one in the world for love life advice, with over half a billion views. He writes a weekly newsletter and is the host of the podcast, Love Life With Matthew Hussey. He provides monthly coaching to the members of his private community at LoveLifeClub.com.
Over the past fifteen years, his proven approach has inspired millions through authentic, insightful, and practical advice that not only enables them to find love but also feel confident and in control of their own happiness. He lives in Los Angeles.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 223 reviews
May 10, 2024
I’ve watched and enjoyed much of Matthew’s YT content over the years, so I was really looking forward to his book but was very disappointed after reading it. This doesn’t have to be everyone’s experience, but here’s why I can’t rate this book higher than 3 stars:
1. It’s more of an autobiography than a self-help book. If you want to find out more about Matthew Hussey’s thoughts and feelings this doesn’t have to be a problem. But I was looking for something more structured and practical.
2. It’s self-aggrandizing. It’s no secret that Matthew enjoys being the center of attention, heck, we all want to feel important and seen. But the desire for approval gets a little much sometimes. You can already spot it by looking at the blurbs on the cover that include endorsements from famous faces rather than faceless experts, such as Drew Barrymore (a random Hollywood star from the 90s), Jay Shetty (fake monk / self help guru), and Nicole Lepera (known pop psychologist).
3. It’s chaotic. Matthew Hussey is an incredibly smart and talented person, but you can be 3 pages into a chapter and still have no clue where it’s going. That’s because every chapter is a mix of stream of consciousness, dating insights, personal stories, stories from clients and friends, pithy quotes, and a zany amount of metaphors.
4. It skims the surface. The book only discusses one part of love, finding it. And that’s arguably the most simple part. It doesn’t offer much advice on what to do once you find someone. Admittedly, the book does say on the cover that it’s about finding your person, so perhaps I’m being unfair. But considering the majority of readers are looking for a relationship, I think it would have been important to dedicate at least one chapter to the realities of adult love. Because if you have romantic expectations of what it means to share a life with someone, even the perfect partner will let you down and potentially give you the idea they’re not right for you. Excluding this insight from the book doesn’t seem fair to the reader or their future love interests.
The truth is that nurturing a romantic relationship is one of the most difficult things that we’ll ever do in life; which we can gather from the countless failed relationships in our own lives and those of our friends and loved ones. And Matthew’s book doesn’t address this at all.
Tldr; it’s a book on dating and love by a dating coach who seems more focused on talking to his younger self than an audience of strangers looking for practical advice.
1. It’s more of an autobiography than a self-help book. If you want to find out more about Matthew Hussey’s thoughts and feelings this doesn’t have to be a problem. But I was looking for something more structured and practical.
2. It’s self-aggrandizing. It’s no secret that Matthew enjoys being the center of attention, heck, we all want to feel important and seen. But the desire for approval gets a little much sometimes. You can already spot it by looking at the blurbs on the cover that include endorsements from famous faces rather than faceless experts, such as Drew Barrymore (a random Hollywood star from the 90s), Jay Shetty (fake monk / self help guru), and Nicole Lepera (known pop psychologist).
3. It’s chaotic. Matthew Hussey is an incredibly smart and talented person, but you can be 3 pages into a chapter and still have no clue where it’s going. That’s because every chapter is a mix of stream of consciousness, dating insights, personal stories, stories from clients and friends, pithy quotes, and a zany amount of metaphors.
4. It skims the surface. The book only discusses one part of love, finding it. And that’s arguably the most simple part. It doesn’t offer much advice on what to do once you find someone. Admittedly, the book does say on the cover that it’s about finding your person, so perhaps I’m being unfair. But considering the majority of readers are looking for a relationship, I think it would have been important to dedicate at least one chapter to the realities of adult love. Because if you have romantic expectations of what it means to share a life with someone, even the perfect partner will let you down and potentially give you the idea they’re not right for you. Excluding this insight from the book doesn’t seem fair to the reader or their future love interests.
The truth is that nurturing a romantic relationship is one of the most difficult things that we’ll ever do in life; which we can gather from the countless failed relationships in our own lives and those of our friends and loved ones. And Matthew’s book doesn’t address this at all.
Tldr; it’s a book on dating and love by a dating coach who seems more focused on talking to his younger self than an audience of strangers looking for practical advice.
August 28, 2024
Had to pre order. I never pre order. And i rarely write reviews but, this one is special.
So excited this book is finally out!
No one has helped me more in my love life than Matthew Hussey. I’ve been on a rollercoaster with someone for more than a decade and in the last couple years, between he and Dr. Ramani (she’s a narcissism expert and also has a new book out! Check her out!) my understanding of love and damaging relationships has changed completely. I knew I was being mistreated. I knew it didn’t feel right. But I didn’t know what to do about it. He has shown me what healthy looks like, how to recognize patterns, how to raise my standards and when to leave, even when it’s the last thing you want to do. It’s hard to put into words my gratitude for this man’s work, but for me he feels a lot like a coach, a counselor, a mentor, pointing you in the right direction. Affirming your feelings and reminding you that dysfunction doesn’t have to be your love story.
This book is full of depth, wisdom and heart, written in Matthew’s unique way of saying things. I hope everyone out there; grabs a copy!! Well worth your time and money. 💕💕💕
So excited this book is finally out!
No one has helped me more in my love life than Matthew Hussey. I’ve been on a rollercoaster with someone for more than a decade and in the last couple years, between he and Dr. Ramani (she’s a narcissism expert and also has a new book out! Check her out!) my understanding of love and damaging relationships has changed completely. I knew I was being mistreated. I knew it didn’t feel right. But I didn’t know what to do about it. He has shown me what healthy looks like, how to recognize patterns, how to raise my standards and when to leave, even when it’s the last thing you want to do. It’s hard to put into words my gratitude for this man’s work, but for me he feels a lot like a coach, a counselor, a mentor, pointing you in the right direction. Affirming your feelings and reminding you that dysfunction doesn’t have to be your love story.
This book is full of depth, wisdom and heart, written in Matthew’s unique way of saying things. I hope everyone out there; grabs a copy!! Well worth your time and money. 💕💕💕
May 15, 2024
I was somewhat skeptical going in but this was fantastic. It’s mostly about your relationship with self and the patterns, narratives, or issues you consistently blame or re-enter. Read if curious, single or in relationship!
May 2, 2024
As soon as I heard there will be a book coming I was excited 💗 I can’t wait to read this, I heard bits from it and want more! I bought for my friends too, we could all do with Matt’s wisdom.
Edit: finally got it, so good. Crying and laughing as I’m reading and mainly, really making me think. I wish I had this 30 years ago!
Edit: finally got it, so good. Crying and laughing as I’m reading and mainly, really making me think. I wish I had this 30 years ago!
June 11, 2024
This is a great book to read when you’re working through a break up. With the way Hussey details and explains common faults in relationships & relational dynamics, I was able to look back on things from a completely different perspective, no longer feeling obligated to stick up for the person I was with. It brought me a lot of clarity and many ideas to bring to the relationship I have with myself and life.
This is an easy 5 star read for me, as everything felt really relevant, well-articulated and explained in detail with humour and personality - I also know it will stick with me for life! The stories he shared of other people’s relationship struggles were some of my favourite parts of the book.
Just gave me wonderful insight on what narcissistic behaviour in a relationship can actually look like, especially to the opposing dichotomy of overly-empathetic people who are skilful to a fault in excusing such behaviour. Or, as Matthew says, people who weaponise their empathy to their own detriment. Felt too seen haha. Now I have a great amount of tools to help in the future, not only when it comes to dating and choosing a partner, but also in my healing journey and finding a stronger core confidence within myself.
Couldn’t recommend more for when you’re needing a good self-reflection.
(audio-booked this one)
This is an easy 5 star read for me, as everything felt really relevant, well-articulated and explained in detail with humour and personality - I also know it will stick with me for life! The stories he shared of other people’s relationship struggles were some of my favourite parts of the book.
Just gave me wonderful insight on what narcissistic behaviour in a relationship can actually look like, especially to the opposing dichotomy of overly-empathetic people who are skilful to a fault in excusing such behaviour. Or, as Matthew says, people who weaponise their empathy to their own detriment. Felt too seen haha. Now I have a great amount of tools to help in the future, not only when it comes to dating and choosing a partner, but also in my healing journey and finding a stronger core confidence within myself.
Couldn’t recommend more for when you’re needing a good self-reflection.
(audio-booked this one)
June 1, 2024
SO POWERFUL!! This was such a good read for me as I am still very much processing my recent breakup. This book really helped me understand the red flags and was such a good reminder for me to keep waiting for what I want! A few quotes that really stood out to me:
“It’s okay to be disappointed that someone didn’t turn out to be the one but don’t grieve as if they were the one. If they didn’t choose you, they are not.”
“The poor treatment that was once so familiar may not have made us happy but we were still use to it.”
“The only relationship we are guaranteed till the day we die is with ourselves.”
“It’s okay to be disappointed that someone didn’t turn out to be the one but don’t grieve as if they were the one. If they didn’t choose you, they are not.”
“The poor treatment that was once so familiar may not have made us happy but we were still use to it.”
“The only relationship we are guaranteed till the day we die is with ourselves.”
June 9, 2024
I knew this would be so much more than a ‘dating book’. I’d recommend to anyone, whether single or in a relationship, who is serious about exploring the relationship they have with themselves and with life
June 6, 2024
I really enjoyed audiobooking this one, listening to it on my odd runs and walks. A lot of really good thoughts on improving your relationship with yourself and your idea of love, and I really enjoyed all the little anecdotes and personal stories that Matthew Hussey shared. Some chapters really resonated with me and stuff in my love life, and others not so much (which is expected) - but I like how I’ve walked away from this book with some new thoughts on my own perception of loving life.
April 22, 2024
This book is SO GOOD - it’s the wisdom I wish I could’ve had a couple months back. Texted my single friends and told them it’s a must read - esp. Ch 10 🫶🏻
May 6, 2024
Basically a summary of the advice he gives out on his podcast- it’s good yeah as is the podcast but this is nothing new and how a book is due other than for shaking people down for their money is beyond me…
May 6, 2024
Empty calories, DNF.
May 24, 2024
I really liked the message of the book, but it could have been half the length. It's just hundreds of pages, meandering on topics that could have been shared much more succinctly.
July 22, 2024
Truly sensational, my 5 🌟s almost always (95% of the time) represent those that I believe anyone could enjoy and benefit from..
“One of the greatest ways to be the author of magic is through a generosity of spirit. When we reach out to someone with a text or a call, recognize their potential, we show them that in a world moving at breakneck speed, there’s someone who truly sees them, who is bearing witness to their journey. If you leave people better than you found them, you are a source of magic in this world. This is different from people pleasing, which is rooted in fear. It is giving love from abundance. And in giving love, we feel filled with it. We’re no longer seeking it, we are it.”
“One of the greatest ways to be the author of magic is through a generosity of spirit. When we reach out to someone with a text or a call, recognize their potential, we show them that in a world moving at breakneck speed, there’s someone who truly sees them, who is bearing witness to their journey. If you leave people better than you found them, you are a source of magic in this world. This is different from people pleasing, which is rooted in fear. It is giving love from abundance. And in giving love, we feel filled with it. We’re no longer seeking it, we are it.”
July 22, 2024
I’m a big fan of Matthew’s so was always going to read this book. If you were a complete novice I think you’d get a lot from it. But because I’ve consumed a lot of this content already, it felt like I was listening to stuff I already knew, so I didn’t find it as enjoyable. Still, lots of wisdom to take from it!
June 12, 2024
4.5 ⭐️
July 14, 2024
Loved this book. So so good. Not just to think about relationships, but life in general
August 12, 2024
4,5 ⭐️ jestem super mega pozytywnie zaskoczona tą książką zważając na moje uprzedzenie co do książek self-help, polecam
April 26, 2024
I didn't have any big revelations reading this book because I already agreed with him about most of it. The big takeaways are:
1. Pain is resistance. Surrender to it and it will become tolerable.
2. If you're convinced nobody else loves you, you might as well love yourself.
3. You don't have to earn love or deserve it, whatever that means. Love is not conditional.
4. Value the right things in yourself and others.
5. Get clarity about what you want and don't settle for unhappiness out of fear. Being in a bad relationship is worse than loneliness.
As a queer woman who doesn't want children, a lot of this book was spent on situations that haven't and will never apply to me, but some of it is universal.
Was this worth reading? I don't think he said anything new that he hadn't already said in his YouTube videos. I've enjoyed watching Hussey's conversations on YouTube more because they feel more organic than this book. The relentless enthusiastic grit, while self-aware, also rings a bit hollow when you're simply not emotionally ready to internalise it. That said, this book may spur a lot of people on at the right moment. The retreats feel kinda culty to me, but the book won't hurt you.
1. Pain is resistance. Surrender to it and it will become tolerable.
2. If you're convinced nobody else loves you, you might as well love yourself.
3. You don't have to earn love or deserve it, whatever that means. Love is not conditional.
4. Value the right things in yourself and others.
5. Get clarity about what you want and don't settle for unhappiness out of fear. Being in a bad relationship is worse than loneliness.
As a queer woman who doesn't want children, a lot of this book was spent on situations that haven't and will never apply to me, but some of it is universal.
Was this worth reading? I don't think he said anything new that he hadn't already said in his YouTube videos. I've enjoyed watching Hussey's conversations on YouTube more because they feel more organic than this book. The relentless enthusiastic grit, while self-aware, also rings a bit hollow when you're simply not emotionally ready to internalise it. That said, this book may spur a lot of people on at the right moment. The retreats feel kinda culty to me, but the book won't hurt you.
June 10, 2024
Happy Enough ❤️
April 27, 2024
I’ve never left a review after listening to over 1000 audiobooks, but I feel like I must since this book had such a huge impact on my mindset and vision for the future. I was already a fan of Matthew’s YouTube videos but this book took it to a whole new level. I’m so glad Matthew chose to narrate the book himself as he so sincerely tells of his own struggles with pain and his approaches to dealing with it. The last chapter in particular is so incredibly good that I am going to make my 3 young adult children listen to it. I wish I had these tools earlier because they are so valuable for living a happy and fulfilled life. What a great gift to be able to shift your mindset like this while still a young adult with your whole life ahead of you.
I am recently divorced and in my 50’s, and I have personally experienced almost all the negative thoughts he described. I have also listened to or read so many self-help books that I can’t even count and probably hundreds of hours of videos. I expected this book to just be more of the same. It was not. I remember the exact minute while listening to the last chapter that I felt like I had a complete and total epiphany. It’s hard to describe but my mind had been focused on the fact that my life was already half over and suddenly I was struck with the realization that I am excited about the possibilities for the second half. The other self-help books taught what to do and how you should feel but nothing has had the impact that this book had. For the first time I actually wholeheartedly believe in what could be. I even starting crying a little - but fortunately tears of joy:)
Thank you so much Matthew for everything you do. We all know that you have helped so many people with your work. Please know that you have profoundly impacted the life of one more person.
I am recently divorced and in my 50’s, and I have personally experienced almost all the negative thoughts he described. I have also listened to or read so many self-help books that I can’t even count and probably hundreds of hours of videos. I expected this book to just be more of the same. It was not. I remember the exact minute while listening to the last chapter that I felt like I had a complete and total epiphany. It’s hard to describe but my mind had been focused on the fact that my life was already half over and suddenly I was struck with the realization that I am excited about the possibilities for the second half. The other self-help books taught what to do and how you should feel but nothing has had the impact that this book had. For the first time I actually wholeheartedly believe in what could be. I even starting crying a little - but fortunately tears of joy:)
Thank you so much Matthew for everything you do. We all know that you have helped so many people with your work. Please know that you have profoundly impacted the life of one more person.
May 30, 2024
I have never seen a coach/therapist influencer admit that they give advice they don’t/can’t/haven't done themselves and that they’re not the shining exemplary of the messages they teach. Typically, coaches/therapists act out their idealized self, not their realistic shadows & light authentic self. I was immediately hooked with Matthew Hussey owning his bullshit and saying the advice he gives women is warning them away from a younger more reckless version of himself. It didn’t make him less credible as a relationship coach—it made him MORE credible and helpful because he has learned from his mistakes and not just spent his life blaming the opposite sex like the red pill manosphere gurus rationalizing avoidant attachment as masculine.
Matthew Hussey’s reflective self awareness, genuine empathy, curiosity, and clear desire to help people shone through over and over again in this insightful read. I loved the listenable flow and his examples both from his own life and clients/question askers. It was helpful and sincere and empowering! I recommend listening to his voice reading it. I’m tired of cynical dark triad dating coaches and find Matthew Hussey a refreshing guide to healthy, reflective, boundaried dating with integrity. Couldn’t recommend more! You’ll be addicted from the intro!
Matthew Hussey’s reflective self awareness, genuine empathy, curiosity, and clear desire to help people shone through over and over again in this insightful read. I loved the listenable flow and his examples both from his own life and clients/question askers. It was helpful and sincere and empowering! I recommend listening to his voice reading it. I’m tired of cynical dark triad dating coaches and find Matthew Hussey a refreshing guide to healthy, reflective, boundaried dating with integrity. Couldn’t recommend more! You’ll be addicted from the intro!
May 27, 2024
I regret purchasing this poorly written and content-lacking book by Mathew. Despite being a native speaker, his sentences are plain and lack any engaging flavor. I understand that it might be a way of making content accessible, but, compromising quality is not the right way to go about “plain language”. The content is overly simplistic. You'd be better off sticking to his videos. At times, the book felt like an exercise in self-loathing and a defensive response to previous criticism. It desperately needed more substance; the last three chapters, in particular, seemed like filler to pad the length. Save your time and money.
May 25, 2024
I’m looking for a man in finance. Trust fund. 6’5. Blue eyes. Or at least that’s what’s currently trending on Instagram. However, “The only person worth having in our love story is the one who values what we have to give…They’re kind and compassionate. They show up for you, consistently, reliably. They communicate well. They’re honest and trustworthy. They make a great teammate. They care about your day and the challenges you face, and they want to support you as you face them.”
“Signs early in a relationship of an ability to follow through are an important way someone can show they are the kind of person who will be there for you…Avoid the reliably unreliable.” (Yes, Scrub, I’m talking to you.)
In Love Life, relationship guru Matthew Hussey applies mindful dating to the four levels of importance in a relationship: admiration, mutual attraction, commitment, compatibility. “To have an exceptional love life, we must also cultivate a love for life…The most important step to finding your own love story is learning how to be happy outside of one.” If “you’re loving life and being you, and you’re not trying to fill a hole by finding someone who will make you feel good enough, then that’s the jackpot.”
“My greatest fear should be wasting my life on someone who won’t make me happy, not scaring someone away…Someone ‘not choosing you’ is the biggest turn-off in the world…They have their reasons (real or not), but I have my reality.” Be the reality check you want to see in the world, and leave people better than you found them.
Online dating may be a digital buffet, but “there’s nothing emotionally overwrought about a coffee.” So grab a cup, a copy of Love Life and settle in (not for) a book that will concretize your contentment and caffeinate your love life and love FOR life!
“Signs early in a relationship of an ability to follow through are an important way someone can show they are the kind of person who will be there for you…Avoid the reliably unreliable.” (Yes, Scrub, I’m talking to you.)
In Love Life, relationship guru Matthew Hussey applies mindful dating to the four levels of importance in a relationship: admiration, mutual attraction, commitment, compatibility. “To have an exceptional love life, we must also cultivate a love for life…The most important step to finding your own love story is learning how to be happy outside of one.” If “you’re loving life and being you, and you’re not trying to fill a hole by finding someone who will make you feel good enough, then that’s the jackpot.”
“My greatest fear should be wasting my life on someone who won’t make me happy, not scaring someone away…Someone ‘not choosing you’ is the biggest turn-off in the world…They have their reasons (real or not), but I have my reality.” Be the reality check you want to see in the world, and leave people better than you found them.
Online dating may be a digital buffet, but “there’s nothing emotionally overwrought about a coffee.” So grab a cup, a copy of Love Life and settle in (not for) a book that will concretize your contentment and caffeinate your love life and love FOR life!
June 15, 2024
“Stop looking up at how much further up the mountain people are to you as you cling to the side of it and how far you still need to travel, instead look down and see just how far you have come to be where you are.”
I’ve dipped my toes enough into the pool of toxicity and unhealed people out there to know that I’d rather spend time investing in myself then for my hopes on finding a kind, loving, understanding partner to be continuously wrecked to shreds. I won’t entirely give up on it but I’ll happily take a step back from it to better myself because I refuse to allow that desire to define who I am and how I act. I picked up this book to help elevate my level of self worth and fortitude what I have learnt so far from what life has thrown at me because it makes me happy, giving myself this type of healthy input. Life experiences have taught me most of what this book speaks of so reading many situations Matthew shared felt like “old news” to me personally but also I look at it as an additional bonus on top of what I’ve already taught myself so I really liked being shown just how far I have come in terms of self worth and standards.
So much of what is written in this book can be used for other relationships too not just romantic ones which I found very helpful or at least that is how I perceived it. There were so many parts that allowed the reader to dive deeper into who they are and what they want which I appreciated because “journal prompts” are amazing. It was just a very well thought out and well written analysis of human behaviour and how aspects of life effect our decisions and our outlook on what we think we deserve and don’t. I really enjoyed how vulnerable Matthew was and he never placed himself on a pedestal like most self help authors do, he actually humbled himself and took ownership of his past faults which is admirable to me because he recognised his growth. If you could see my notes you would know how much I appreciated picking this book up and I wish I could share every single thing I wrote down because there is some brilliant advice in this book but I have had so many realisations while reading it which is exactly what you want as you empower yourself forward in life and I cannot stress enough how much everyone should read this especially if you are navigating dating and find yourself confused and misguided by not only your actions but by others.
5/5 stars from me 💖
I’ve dipped my toes enough into the pool of toxicity and unhealed people out there to know that I’d rather spend time investing in myself then for my hopes on finding a kind, loving, understanding partner to be continuously wrecked to shreds. I won’t entirely give up on it but I’ll happily take a step back from it to better myself because I refuse to allow that desire to define who I am and how I act. I picked up this book to help elevate my level of self worth and fortitude what I have learnt so far from what life has thrown at me because it makes me happy, giving myself this type of healthy input. Life experiences have taught me most of what this book speaks of so reading many situations Matthew shared felt like “old news” to me personally but also I look at it as an additional bonus on top of what I’ve already taught myself so I really liked being shown just how far I have come in terms of self worth and standards.
So much of what is written in this book can be used for other relationships too not just romantic ones which I found very helpful or at least that is how I perceived it. There were so many parts that allowed the reader to dive deeper into who they are and what they want which I appreciated because “journal prompts” are amazing. It was just a very well thought out and well written analysis of human behaviour and how aspects of life effect our decisions and our outlook on what we think we deserve and don’t. I really enjoyed how vulnerable Matthew was and he never placed himself on a pedestal like most self help authors do, he actually humbled himself and took ownership of his past faults which is admirable to me because he recognised his growth. If you could see my notes you would know how much I appreciated picking this book up and I wish I could share every single thing I wrote down because there is some brilliant advice in this book but I have had so many realisations while reading it which is exactly what you want as you empower yourself forward in life and I cannot stress enough how much everyone should read this especially if you are navigating dating and find yourself confused and misguided by not only your actions but by others.
5/5 stars from me 💖
July 3, 2024
This is a great “single person” book! If you’re just coming through a relationship break up and you’re trying to find your way, or if you think you’re ready for the next best thing, this is for you! There’s practical advice for getting what you deserve. There’s mindful recognition that maybe you’re “happy enough” (which is a really good thing). There’s encouragement for creating your own magic and being open to the next thing out there. I found this very valuable and realized that I’m super happy single and frankly, am really enjoying this phase of personal exploration far more than looking elsewhere for pure enjoyment. (For now 😉)
July 16, 2024
4, “the love of your life can never be someone who doesn’t choose you.”
I listened to this book on Spotify and I was surprised on how much I enjoyed it. A lot of the chapters resonated with me and some of the experiences I have had within my ex-relationships. It’s always validating to hear advice you can relate to and I felt like I can use a lot of what’s in this book and apply it to my life moving forward. Would definitely recommend to anyone, not just single teen girls lol (but especially teen girls).
I listened to this book on Spotify and I was surprised on how much I enjoyed it. A lot of the chapters resonated with me and some of the experiences I have had within my ex-relationships. It’s always validating to hear advice you can relate to and I felt like I can use a lot of what’s in this book and apply it to my life moving forward. Would definitely recommend to anyone, not just single teen girls lol (but especially teen girls).
September 9, 2024
This is a book I will read over and over again. Here are some quotes I took away-
Connections don't build castles, builders do.
True character is consistent. It can only be measured overtime.
Attention is not intention !!!!!!
Invest in who invests in you
Ego vs well being. Know the difference and navigate decisions with wellbeing in mind, not ego.
If you want a hard life, do easy things if you want an easy life do hard things .
Saturate your life with people who embody the energy you want to attract
Connections don't build castles, builders do.
True character is consistent. It can only be measured overtime.
Attention is not intention !!!!!!
Invest in who invests in you
Ego vs well being. Know the difference and navigate decisions with wellbeing in mind, not ego.
If you want a hard life, do easy things if you want an easy life do hard things .
Saturate your life with people who embody the energy you want to attract
July 19, 2024
4.5 🌟
"The wrong person for you isn't limited to someone who is toxic. It's also someone with whom you can not achieve peace. And you will never achieve peace with someone who doesn't choose you. When we lose someone like that, we may suffer at first, thinking we've lost the one thing we wanted more than anything. But if we allow ourselves, we can actually connect with a newfound sense of peace. Now we were free from constant anxiety, free from feeling like we weren't enough, free from trying to hold on to something that wasn't meant to be. Whatever you are experiencing in the relationship, it wasn't happiness, which only grows richer the more you put into it, like an organic garden. And even though you may not have found love again yet, you'll see that your new sense of peace feels solid and substantial, not imaginary at all. When you do find the right kind of love, it'll feel like a continuation of this peace, not a depature from it."
"The wrong person for you isn't limited to someone who is toxic. It's also someone with whom you can not achieve peace. And you will never achieve peace with someone who doesn't choose you. When we lose someone like that, we may suffer at first, thinking we've lost the one thing we wanted more than anything. But if we allow ourselves, we can actually connect with a newfound sense of peace. Now we were free from constant anxiety, free from feeling like we weren't enough, free from trying to hold on to something that wasn't meant to be. Whatever you are experiencing in the relationship, it wasn't happiness, which only grows richer the more you put into it, like an organic garden. And even though you may not have found love again yet, you'll see that your new sense of peace feels solid and substantial, not imaginary at all. When you do find the right kind of love, it'll feel like a continuation of this peace, not a depature from it."
September 12, 2024
4.75-5 ⭐️
Ugh, I truly enjoyed this book. And this comes from someone who has read almost every book about love and relationships under the sun!
I felt so seen whilst listening to the audiobook, as Matt’s point of view is so realistic, accurate and validating. If we can’t choose ourselves first, none will ever do it. Understanding love is a choice gives us so much power about the interactions we have with others and how we want to be treated, seen and respected
Highly recommend reading this book or listening to the audio version as I love it when authors narrate their own books 🫶🏽
Ugh, I truly enjoyed this book. And this comes from someone who has read almost every book about love and relationships under the sun!
I felt so seen whilst listening to the audiobook, as Matt’s point of view is so realistic, accurate and validating. If we can’t choose ourselves first, none will ever do it. Understanding love is a choice gives us so much power about the interactions we have with others and how we want to be treated, seen and respected
Highly recommend reading this book or listening to the audio version as I love it when authors narrate their own books 🫶🏽
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