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I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This [But I'm Going to Anyway]
A dynamic memoir-in-essays by comedian, screenwriter, and podcaster Chelsea Devantez, detailing her tumultuous upbringing and uproarious career path into Hollywood.
There are things Chelsea Devantez probably shouldn’t be telling you. Many of them are in this some are embarrassing (like when she tried to break her three year spell of celibacy using a guide of seduction tips). Some are confessional (getting sentenced to the “hell hill” at Mormon church camp). Some are TMI (a series of outrageous doctor visits that ended with one doctor misdiagnosing her as “pregnant.” Woopsies!).
Then there are things Chelsea really shouldn’t be telling like the time her biggest family secret was publicly outed, or about the drive-by shootings and the precipitating domestic violence she survived. Yet through it all, it’s the women in Chelsea’s life who kept her going – from the lowest points of her childhood when she and her mom had only $100 left to their name, all the way to her career highs as the Emmy-nominated Head Writer for The Problem with Jon Stewart and sensational podcaster deemed “the celebrity memoir whisperer” by her fans.
In I Shouldn't Be Telling You This, Chelsea centers each story around a different woman who shaped her life, taking us on a tour of friends and strangers, fictional characters and celebrities, heroes and villains who will destroy any Netflix algorithm for a “strong female lead.” Reading it will feel kinda like that moment at a party when your friend beckons you close, sloshes her martini around, and covertly whispers, “I really shouldn’t say this, but…”
There are things Chelsea Devantez probably shouldn’t be telling you. Many of them are in this some are embarrassing (like when she tried to break her three year spell of celibacy using a guide of seduction tips). Some are confessional (getting sentenced to the “hell hill” at Mormon church camp). Some are TMI (a series of outrageous doctor visits that ended with one doctor misdiagnosing her as “pregnant.” Woopsies!).
Then there are things Chelsea really shouldn’t be telling like the time her biggest family secret was publicly outed, or about the drive-by shootings and the precipitating domestic violence she survived. Yet through it all, it’s the women in Chelsea’s life who kept her going – from the lowest points of her childhood when she and her mom had only $100 left to their name, all the way to her career highs as the Emmy-nominated Head Writer for The Problem with Jon Stewart and sensational podcaster deemed “the celebrity memoir whisperer” by her fans.
In I Shouldn't Be Telling You This, Chelsea centers each story around a different woman who shaped her life, taking us on a tour of friends and strangers, fictional characters and celebrities, heroes and villains who will destroy any Netflix algorithm for a “strong female lead.” Reading it will feel kinda like that moment at a party when your friend beckons you close, sloshes her martini around, and covertly whispers, “I really shouldn’t say this, but…”
272 pages, Hardcover
First published June 4, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 389 reviews
May 13, 2024
I got to read an early copy of this book draft and even the draft was better than most finished books. It’s funny, smart, and I learned so much about Chelsea. Excited for the final!!!
I reread this book, the final version, and it is different. Chelsea had to make big changes for legal reasons which shifts the focus of the book from this thing that happened to her to a much more Chelsea centered story which I liked. I appreciated the flow and the humor but also how open and honest Chelsea is in the book.
I reread this book, the final version, and it is different. Chelsea had to make big changes for legal reasons which shifts the focus of the book from this thing that happened to her to a much more Chelsea centered story which I liked. I appreciated the flow and the humor but also how open and honest Chelsea is in the book.
November 2, 2023
I’m going to have to launch a memoir book club next summer just to make people listen to me yell about how good this book is.
March 26, 2024
First, I want to say that I didn’t know who the author was before reading this, I went solely on the vibes I got from the book cover. Second, I wasn’t disappointed at all. I found myself laughing many times. I’ve been on a memoir kick and I’m so glad I can list this one with the other ones I’ve been reading this month.
My favourite chapter has to be the one where she did drag, and that her drag name was so close to my real name so I had to love it.
Thank you to NetGalley, Harlequin Trade Publishing and Chelsea Devantez for the eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
My favourite chapter has to be the one where she did drag, and that her drag name was so close to my real name so I had to love it.
Thank you to NetGalley, Harlequin Trade Publishing and Chelsea Devantez for the eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
August 29, 2024
Audiobook. I had no idea who the author was (still don't, tbh), but I totally fell for the instagram ad. Absolutely NOT disappointed. I laughed, I cried, I cheered. I love that the author read it herself. Felt like catching up with an old friend.
July 30, 2024
This memoir had humor, wisdom, sweetness (especially about the women in her life), difficult areas (trigger warning: mostly vaguely, but contains references to domestic violence), and some really interesting stuff just about the author herself; a somewhat-celebrity about whose accomplishments I knew nothing.
However, I didn’t really enjoy the book. I found her style of writing kind of disconnected; things happened then she moved on to something else and maybe later referenced the former thing; a bit scattered for my enjoyability. On top of this a good percentage of her verbiage (especially when trying to be funny) seemed very much her own “in” way of speaking and I often didn’t get it. (And I don’t consider myself clueless nor stupid). I’m having a hard time thinking of how to explain it. Like… she very often used metaphors or thoughts that are reliant on her own way of communicating (almost as if you would need to know her personally to get it; maybe that’s an apt explanation). Additionally, the whole beginning was, for me, a turn-off: where she redacts most of the text. This occurs again later toward the end. Although we could make out basically what happened, this device of trying to make it interesting or coy or I don’t know what, didn’t work for me. It was too much and too obscure. [Reading reviews here, I am adding that apparently the redacting was a legal necessity; still, I really don't think that was the way to go with the material].
The plot was…well, it’s a memoir! A comedy performer and mostly comedy writer, working her way up from poverty, and her upbringing, those who helped her, those she loved (mostly gal pals, featured wonderfully, & a lovely tribute to her mom), those who crossed her (well, a few; one gets the feeling there are far too many to mention in show biz). And her neurosis, fears, & traumas, and how she works through them to find her strength as well as useful aspects of vulnerability.
Here are a few excerpts I liked, simply in order of the where they came in the book, for you to consider if you might find the book more to your liking.
About domestic violence survivors:
We are all taught to be sweet be polite, be normal, don’t rock the boat, so that those at the top can hold onto the power that doesn’t belong to them in the first place. We grow up siloed in our fucked-up memories, and we walk around feeling helpless and alone in our pain. And as long as we feel alone, then we’ll never realize how many of us there are.
She found memoirs of female comedians and celebrities, and these helped her so much that she began to podcast about them:
Every time someone shares their story, the lie that we are alone in our pain is shattered, and the more I read these women’s stories, the more I can reach the surface myself.
I can tell you with much wisdom that the biggest problem with cults is that they are fucking awesome. It’s an instant community, the rules are clear, rewards are always promised, and there are usually drugs. At any second I could fall into a cult because I love self-help. I’m always eager to find all the ways I’m terrible and try to improve them.
My whole adult life, I thought I was suffering at the hands of my own shitty personality, but it turns out those flaws weren’t personality traits at all, they were symptoms. Workaholism. Hating new situations. No curiosity to travel. Hyper vigilance for safety. Even some of the good parts of who I am—my go-getter energy, my over-friendliness, my sixth sense about which asshole was going to approach us in a bar—were fueled or even created by this disorder. [complex PTSD].
My current life had become so wonderful and filled with love and stability, but my body couldn’t seem to accept that I was no longer under attack…I was stuck inside my own mind with my memories, boxing a ghost.
I have two modes: pajamas and Met Gala, and I never pass up an opportunity to turn up the volume on either.
Every time I’m at work in fancy Hollywood writer's rooms and I hear a coworker say something like, “My old private school helped fund that pervert fascist’s political campaign, but I’m still giving them money so my daughter can get in there one day!’ or “Our new house is under construction, and I’m so jealous of the roofers. Imagine how simple of a job that is, no stress at all..." or "My toddler’s favorite food is sashimi,” I think to myself, Thank fucking God I grew up on mac and cheese and libraries.
My mom taught me resilience and how to fight back and showed me how, through it all, to protect your gentleness. I refused this for so long, relying on anger and pain to push me forward when I felt weak, but one day I woke up and there it was, a small kernel of tenderness had remained. My mom had planted it there long ago and nurtured it through each phone call and text and trip to see me, urging me not to wall off my heart.
If there is another Young Me reading this, I hope...it was clear that it’s the community she builds around herself that matters more than anything she’ll ever do.
If nothing else, I hope she knows that normal is a vicious prank, and likability is a slow poison, and that she should forever be too much and never make herself less.
I hope she continues to live for Young Me and shouts her own story wherever she goes, since in the end, I could not.
I wish to very much thank NetGalley, Hanover Press and Harper Collins for an e-copy of this book in exchange for my unbiased review.
However, I didn’t really enjoy the book. I found her style of writing kind of disconnected; things happened then she moved on to something else and maybe later referenced the former thing; a bit scattered for my enjoyability. On top of this a good percentage of her verbiage (especially when trying to be funny) seemed very much her own “in” way of speaking and I often didn’t get it. (And I don’t consider myself clueless nor stupid). I’m having a hard time thinking of how to explain it. Like… she very often used metaphors or thoughts that are reliant on her own way of communicating (almost as if you would need to know her personally to get it; maybe that’s an apt explanation). Additionally, the whole beginning was, for me, a turn-off: where she redacts most of the text. This occurs again later toward the end. Although we could make out basically what happened, this device of trying to make it interesting or coy or I don’t know what, didn’t work for me. It was too much and too obscure. [Reading reviews here, I am adding that apparently the redacting was a legal necessity; still, I really don't think that was the way to go with the material].
The plot was…well, it’s a memoir! A comedy performer and mostly comedy writer, working her way up from poverty, and her upbringing, those who helped her, those she loved (mostly gal pals, featured wonderfully, & a lovely tribute to her mom), those who crossed her (well, a few; one gets the feeling there are far too many to mention in show biz). And her neurosis, fears, & traumas, and how she works through them to find her strength as well as useful aspects of vulnerability.
Here are a few excerpts I liked, simply in order of the where they came in the book, for you to consider if you might find the book more to your liking.
About domestic violence survivors:
We are all taught to be sweet be polite, be normal, don’t rock the boat, so that those at the top can hold onto the power that doesn’t belong to them in the first place. We grow up siloed in our fucked-up memories, and we walk around feeling helpless and alone in our pain. And as long as we feel alone, then we’ll never realize how many of us there are.
She found memoirs of female comedians and celebrities, and these helped her so much that she began to podcast about them:
Every time someone shares their story, the lie that we are alone in our pain is shattered, and the more I read these women’s stories, the more I can reach the surface myself.
I can tell you with much wisdom that the biggest problem with cults is that they are fucking awesome. It’s an instant community, the rules are clear, rewards are always promised, and there are usually drugs. At any second I could fall into a cult because I love self-help. I’m always eager to find all the ways I’m terrible and try to improve them.
My whole adult life, I thought I was suffering at the hands of my own shitty personality, but it turns out those flaws weren’t personality traits at all, they were symptoms. Workaholism. Hating new situations. No curiosity to travel. Hyper vigilance for safety. Even some of the good parts of who I am—my go-getter energy, my over-friendliness, my sixth sense about which asshole was going to approach us in a bar—were fueled or even created by this disorder. [complex PTSD].
My current life had become so wonderful and filled with love and stability, but my body couldn’t seem to accept that I was no longer under attack…I was stuck inside my own mind with my memories, boxing a ghost.
I have two modes: pajamas and Met Gala, and I never pass up an opportunity to turn up the volume on either.
Every time I’m at work in fancy Hollywood writer's rooms and I hear a coworker say something like, “My old private school helped fund that pervert fascist’s political campaign, but I’m still giving them money so my daughter can get in there one day!’ or “Our new house is under construction, and I’m so jealous of the roofers. Imagine how simple of a job that is, no stress at all..." or "My toddler’s favorite food is sashimi,” I think to myself, Thank fucking God I grew up on mac and cheese and libraries.
My mom taught me resilience and how to fight back and showed me how, through it all, to protect your gentleness. I refused this for so long, relying on anger and pain to push me forward when I felt weak, but one day I woke up and there it was, a small kernel of tenderness had remained. My mom had planted it there long ago and nurtured it through each phone call and text and trip to see me, urging me not to wall off my heart.
If there is another Young Me reading this, I hope...it was clear that it’s the community she builds around herself that matters more than anything she’ll ever do.
If nothing else, I hope she knows that normal is a vicious prank, and likability is a slow poison, and that she should forever be too much and never make herself less.
I hope she continues to live for Young Me and shouts her own story wherever she goes, since in the end, I could not.
I wish to very much thank NetGalley, Hanover Press and Harper Collins for an e-copy of this book in exchange for my unbiased review.
June 27, 2024
Chelsea Devantez tells the story of her life. A memoir that disturbing and equally hilarious. She shares intimate details of her life that included domestic abuse for her mother that eventually led to repeating in her own life. She also encountered neglect as a teenager and other disturbing details. She definitely had a rough childhood.
This was also heartwarming in parts where Chelsea shares details of her relationships with family and friends. I literally cracked up laughing at many parts. I admire her vulnerability to share every aspect of her life with us. I will say there are many trigger warnings throughout the book so please check those before reading.
Bravo, Chelsea Devantez! I highly enjoyed this memoir and thank you for sharing your most intimate moments in life.
TW- domestic violence, weight issues, suicide, neglect, infertility, drug use and I’m probably missing some.
Thank you so much HTP, Chelsea Devantez and NetGalley for the opportunity. All opinions are my own.
5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This was also heartwarming in parts where Chelsea shares details of her relationships with family and friends. I literally cracked up laughing at many parts. I admire her vulnerability to share every aspect of her life with us. I will say there are many trigger warnings throughout the book so please check those before reading.
Bravo, Chelsea Devantez! I highly enjoyed this memoir and thank you for sharing your most intimate moments in life.
TW- domestic violence, weight issues, suicide, neglect, infertility, drug use and I’m probably missing some.
Thank you so much HTP, Chelsea Devantez and NetGalley for the opportunity. All opinions are my own.
5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
June 8, 2024
I love Chelsea and I feel I must review the book using her own tried and true method.
1. She was vulnerable, as vulnerable as she was allowed to be.
2. I was entertained! I so enjoyed this book, I couldn't put it down and hope more chapters are added at some point.
3. Did this book elevate my life in any way? Yes! Through reading Chelsea's story I reflected on parts of my own life in new ways and laughed and felt less alone. I love that this is a love letter to the women in her life, including herself, who helped her through it all in the ways they were able to. It was so beautiful to read about female friendships portrayed in a real way and also with such reverence. The chapter about the group chat will warm my heart forever.
I was so looking forward to this book and I'm so happy Chelsea shared her story.
1. She was vulnerable, as vulnerable as she was allowed to be.
2. I was entertained! I so enjoyed this book, I couldn't put it down and hope more chapters are added at some point.
3. Did this book elevate my life in any way? Yes! Through reading Chelsea's story I reflected on parts of my own life in new ways and laughed and felt less alone. I love that this is a love letter to the women in her life, including herself, who helped her through it all in the ways they were able to. It was so beautiful to read about female friendships portrayed in a real way and also with such reverence. The chapter about the group chat will warm my heart forever.
I was so looking forward to this book and I'm so happy Chelsea shared her story.
March 29, 2024
ARC for review. To be published June 4, 2024.
I had never heard of this person and read the book based on the Jon Stewart blurb. What an unexpected delight!
Her clever, clever take on what sounds like horrific domestic violence, her inimitable godmother Grace, friendship breakups and the devastation that followed, her time as a drag queen, her delightful wedding, all are portrayed in great detail. Then, on top of her hardships, an enormous tumor (this woman has seen some stuff).
Then, descriptions of her fabulous female friends, including their efforts to make the female comedy world easier to break into for those who aren’t Harvard grads. And some fun celebrity stuff!
She’s wonderfully honest and honestly wonderful. Highly recommended, truly a joy to read from start to finish.
I had never heard of this person and read the book based on the Jon Stewart blurb. What an unexpected delight!
Her clever, clever take on what sounds like horrific domestic violence, her inimitable godmother Grace, friendship breakups and the devastation that followed, her time as a drag queen, her delightful wedding, all are portrayed in great detail. Then, on top of her hardships, an enormous tumor (this woman has seen some stuff).
Then, descriptions of her fabulous female friends, including their efforts to make the female comedy world easier to break into for those who aren’t Harvard grads. And some fun celebrity stuff!
She’s wonderfully honest and honestly wonderful. Highly recommended, truly a joy to read from start to finish.
March 28, 2024
Wow! I Shouldn't Be Telling You This is a heart warming, then breaking, then rebuilding telling of how to make it and how to fake it until you get there. Hearing these life moments you think there is no way that this has all happened to one person. But, then you check and the cover of the book you are reading has not changed. I thought the style in which this was written was like bumping into an old friend from when you were kids and you ask 'So, how have you been?' and their world unleashes. It was chaotic, it was provocative, and it was down right scary at times, but over all I really enjoyed it.
I want to thank NetGalley, the author and publisher for allowing me ARC access to this book. All opinions and thoughts are my own.
I want to thank NetGalley, the author and publisher for allowing me ARC access to this book. All opinions and thoughts are my own.
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June 25, 2024I didn’t know who Chelsea Devantez was before starting this memoir, but after listening, I can tell that she is a fun person to be around. She did an amazing job with the audio, her comedic timing is perfect. The only thing is that because I didn’t know who she was, it was challenging to stay invested in her life story, and there were times when I would zone out while listening. I feel bad giving the memoir a low rating just because I wasn’t drawn to her personal journey, especially since she bravely opens up about her traumas. It was not my cup of tea, but I think others might find it meaningful and relatable.
May 23, 2024
I’m a huge fan of Chelsea Devantez’s podcast Glamorous Trash and have been looking forward to her memoir ever since she announced it. It did not disappoint. Each essay is about women who have affected her life, from friends to frenemies. She shares about her experiences in the entertainment industry as a writer and comedian, childhood trauma, and learning she was donor-conceived (and that her dad was not actually her dad) when she was a teen.
This book is the embodiment of her podcast; there is power of sharing your story. We’re rarely the only one who has experienced something and our vulnerability helps others feel less alone. That Devantez manages to do this despite having literal portions of her book redacted is a feat and illustrates the way our systems protect abusers instead of victims. There is difficult content (see below) but her honesty and the fact that she’s done her best to work through and process her experiences makes this a worthy read. The last four chapters (Ashley, Bridesmaids, Mom, Chelsea Devantez) were my favorite.
Content notes: intimate partner violence (including gun violence), rape by ex-boyfriend, sexual assault (groped by guys at school, stepfather walked naked into her room to talk to her, masturbated on by a guy), sexual harassment by improv teacher, stalking, mom was in two abusive relationships, emotional and physical child abuse, suicidal ideation, suicide plan (stepfather), past death of stepfather by suicide after a cancer diagnosis, alcoholic stepfather, c-PTSD, dissociation, panic attack, depression, codependency, author learned she was donor-conceived at 14 years old and that the man she thought was her dad was not her biological father, parental infertility (mom’s first husband was nearly sterile), child neglect (lived alone in a camper at age 15 to intern at the local theater for the summer), bullying, physical assault, disordered eating, fatshaming, dieting (including as a teen), diet culture, slut-shaming, homophobia, ovarian dermoid tumor (benign), rectal bleeding, eye infection, COVID-19, vomit, born with two extra toes (removed), parental infidelity (mom cheated on first husband with second), mom ran away from home at 14 years old and married a 21 year old, death of estranged maternal grandmother, stepfather fought in Vietnam and injected himself with hepatitis to get discharged, petty theft, poverty, homelessness and housing instability, credit card debt (stepfather), miming sex acts with a puppet, past crystal meth (stepfather), alcohol, inebriation, excessive drinking, cigarettes, Adderall, Xanax, gendered pejoratives, ableist language
Disclosure: I received an advanced copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
This book is the embodiment of her podcast; there is power of sharing your story. We’re rarely the only one who has experienced something and our vulnerability helps others feel less alone. That Devantez manages to do this despite having literal portions of her book redacted is a feat and illustrates the way our systems protect abusers instead of victims. There is difficult content (see below) but her honesty and the fact that she’s done her best to work through and process her experiences makes this a worthy read. The last four chapters (Ashley, Bridesmaids, Mom, Chelsea Devantez) were my favorite.
Content notes: intimate partner violence (including gun violence), rape by ex-boyfriend, sexual assault (groped by guys at school, stepfather walked naked into her room to talk to her, masturbated on by a guy), sexual harassment by improv teacher, stalking, mom was in two abusive relationships, emotional and physical child abuse, suicidal ideation, suicide plan (stepfather), past death of stepfather by suicide after a cancer diagnosis, alcoholic stepfather, c-PTSD, dissociation, panic attack, depression, codependency, author learned she was donor-conceived at 14 years old and that the man she thought was her dad was not her biological father, parental infertility (mom’s first husband was nearly sterile), child neglect (lived alone in a camper at age 15 to intern at the local theater for the summer), bullying, physical assault, disordered eating, fatshaming, dieting (including as a teen), diet culture, slut-shaming, homophobia, ovarian dermoid tumor (benign), rectal bleeding, eye infection, COVID-19, vomit, born with two extra toes (removed), parental infidelity (mom cheated on first husband with second), mom ran away from home at 14 years old and married a 21 year old, death of estranged maternal grandmother, stepfather fought in Vietnam and injected himself with hepatitis to get discharged, petty theft, poverty, homelessness and housing instability, credit card debt (stepfather), miming sex acts with a puppet, past crystal meth (stepfather), alcohol, inebriation, excessive drinking, cigarettes, Adderall, Xanax, gendered pejoratives, ableist language
Disclosure: I received an advanced copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
June 3, 2024
Will break your heart and put it back together and make you rage and cry and laugh (both for fun and maniacally as you plot revenge on people you don't know). I'm obsessed and anyone i know personally... you will be reading this book. Chelsea's a genius, don't be left behind!!!
May 19, 2024
*ARC REVIEW* thanks to NetGalley for allowing me to be an advanced reader on this one.
Let me start by saying, it’s my fault I didn’t like this book.. sort of. There were some funny and relatable moments in the story (like everyone having a moment that we think getting bangs cut in to our hair would change our life) but overall I was forcing myself through it due to my commitment to rate and review the story. This isn’t how I like to feel while reading, reading it is a bit like what I’d imagine taking psychedelics and then reading someone’s diary would be like.
I like to go into books blind, so I don’t read much of the synopsis or any reviews prior. Boy did I make a mistake on this one. I spent the first oh 50% of this book waiting for the punchline and thinking I’d missed it, but this is not fiction. It is a memoir about someone I’d never heard of. This was just not for me
Let me start by saying, it’s my fault I didn’t like this book.. sort of. There were some funny and relatable moments in the story (like everyone having a moment that we think getting bangs cut in to our hair would change our life) but overall I was forcing myself through it due to my commitment to rate and review the story. This isn’t how I like to feel while reading, reading it is a bit like what I’d imagine taking psychedelics and then reading someone’s diary would be like.
I like to go into books blind, so I don’t read much of the synopsis or any reviews prior. Boy did I make a mistake on this one. I spent the first oh 50% of this book waiting for the punchline and thinking I’d missed it, but this is not fiction. It is a memoir about someone I’d never heard of. This was just not for me
June 10, 2024
The author up front refers to this as "creative non-fiction, but I couldn't keep reading after she didn't even get the name of the Mormon church right. She dedicated an entire chapter to ridiculing it after acknowledging that her Mormon friend was nice to her and provided a place of emotional safety when her own abusive alcoholic step-father was not safe (super classy move). She also spewed inaccuracy after inaccuracy, so clearly she didn't have a solid understanding of their doctrine. It was annoying to read her writing that Mormons said people would "burn in hell," (or some such crap) when that isn't even close to their view of the afterlife (although I've heard plenty of people tell me that Mormons are going to burn in hell). They actually have one of the most compassionate views of the afterlife of any religion. She also conjured up complete nonsense about Mormons hanging out at cemeteries and sprinkling graves to "baptize for the dead." Nope and nope. Complete fiction. Almost every single sentence from that chapter regarding Mormons was incorrect. The author completely lost credibility and my respect after that. There's creativity, hyperbole, and just outright lies, and she clearly doesn't care about the consequences of representing a group of people incorrectly in a "non-fiction" book. Her writing was ok, but her character isn't impressive. She is pretty impressed with herself, however.
June 8, 2024
Solid memoir from a comedian. It's truly enraging that she was forced to redact so many of the more difficult details.
August 29, 2024
In this debut memoiristic essay collection, comedian Chelsea Devantez writes a series of eclectic vignettes about happy and less happy (read: traumatic) periods of her life, from her nomadic childhood in the Southwestern US, her discovery of comedy and drag culture, and her 20s and 30s spend grinding in Chicago, New York, and Los Angeles trying to forge a career in comedy and entertainment. She titles most essays after women in her life with whom she's had significant relationships - her mother, her mother's friend Grace who was a crucial maternal figure for Devantez, a childhood Mormon best friend, an ex-best friend (this was a standout chapter for me - it was very circumspect and relatable), a current best friend, her therapist, etc. Devantez also works through various traumatic events in this memoir - two heavily redacted chapters on an abusive relationship (apparently for legal reasons these chapters are extensively censored, though Devantez apparently commissioned a dress made out of prints of diary pages detailing this relationship that she was photographed in since she couldn't publish it in this book), domestic violence in various childhood homes, and generalized daddy issues (I won't spoil the nature of them here).
I don't follow the comedy scene so I was unfamiliar with Devantez when I picked up the book. She namedrops a lot, but again, I'm not familiar with most of those names either. I'm happy she seems to have achieved a lot of personal growth through therapy and self-reflection, though this memoir is less about celebrating growth and more about entertaining and, at times, showboating, how interesting her life has been, similar to how she spent her 20s pitching her wild and crazy stories to network executives to try to get hired. In general and in this case, I think it's an odd choice to write a memoir as a series of non-chronological essays - all the time jumps between and within the various essays were hard for a casual reader like me to keep track of.
My statistics:
Book 195 for 2024
Book 1798 cumulatively
I don't follow the comedy scene so I was unfamiliar with Devantez when I picked up the book. She namedrops a lot, but again, I'm not familiar with most of those names either. I'm happy she seems to have achieved a lot of personal growth through therapy and self-reflection, though this memoir is less about celebrating growth and more about entertaining and, at times, showboating, how interesting her life has been, similar to how she spent her 20s pitching her wild and crazy stories to network executives to try to get hired. In general and in this case, I think it's an odd choice to write a memoir as a series of non-chronological essays - all the time jumps between and within the various essays were hard for a casual reader like me to keep track of.
My statistics:
Book 195 for 2024
Book 1798 cumulatively
June 5, 2024
4.5 stars
For context, I've listened to the author's celebrity memoir podcast for a few years. She can be an acquired taste on the podcast (a bit manic energy, Chelsea's years-long wedding prep was overwhelming and skip-worthy for this low maintenance girl), but her overall message of women empowerment is fantastic. After reading so many celebrity memoirs, she's seen some stuff (her words) and themes in these memoirs: women silenced, eating disorders, domestic abuse, husband managers, societal expectations, switching the narrative, psychic readings, etc.
I have been looking forward to her memoir since she announced it. I was denied on NetGalley (ouch!), so I had to read it the day it came out. Who doesn't want to read a comedy writer and also memoir expert's memoir as soon as possible?
I was so pleased about how she tackled her own memoir: centering the influential women in her life, including her godmother, her drag queen alter ego, and her dermoid ovarian cyst (don't Google image search!) named Shayla. As expected, there was a chapter about her wedding, which I could have skipped, as it was featured SO MUCH on her podcast. But you know what? It's her and makes complete sense. She could have focused on a different theme that included men more, and, had she done that, it would have brought the book down for me.
I wanted to touch on the redacted first chapter and some of the last chapter. Chelsea wanted this memoir to explain some of the tragedy she experienced as a teen/young adult, but during the editing process lawyers came in, and she had to either rewrite those chapters or redact chunks of her book. As she stated in the podcast that was released on the same day as her book (June 4, 2024), late in the game (March 2024) she was forced to make a decision. And as she stated, she went with her gut to redact instead of rewrite. After more thought, I think she's questioning that decision now. But personally, as a reader and fan, I think celebrities and other memoirists ARE silenced through the book process, and the way she goes about it shows the reader how she took a stand for herself. Every other memoirist (and/or ghostwriter) would have rewritten it. I have to applaud Chelsea for her stance.
I think having some context for Chelsea, such as even listening to a few episodes of her podcast, will help. If you're going into this cold, there's a huge amount to take from it, and I think women aged 15-55 will be more of the target audience for this memoir.
I listened to this, and I also have the ebook. I had to have both in case there were pictures. When I scanned through the book, I could only find one picture. So stick with the audio on this one because you're not missing out on seeing pictures, the audiobook has a bonus chapter, and her voice makes it!
For context, I've listened to the author's celebrity memoir podcast for a few years. She can be an acquired taste on the podcast (a bit manic energy, Chelsea's years-long wedding prep was overwhelming and skip-worthy for this low maintenance girl), but her overall message of women empowerment is fantastic. After reading so many celebrity memoirs, she's seen some stuff (her words) and themes in these memoirs: women silenced, eating disorders, domestic abuse, husband managers, societal expectations, switching the narrative, psychic readings, etc.
I have been looking forward to her memoir since she announced it. I was denied on NetGalley (ouch!), so I had to read it the day it came out. Who doesn't want to read a comedy writer and also memoir expert's memoir as soon as possible?
I was so pleased about how she tackled her own memoir: centering the influential women in her life, including her godmother, her drag queen alter ego, and her dermoid ovarian cyst (don't Google image search!) named Shayla. As expected, there was a chapter about her wedding, which I could have skipped, as it was featured SO MUCH on her podcast. But you know what? It's her and makes complete sense. She could have focused on a different theme that included men more, and, had she done that, it would have brought the book down for me.
I wanted to touch on the redacted first chapter and some of the last chapter. Chelsea wanted this memoir to explain some of the tragedy she experienced as a teen/young adult, but during the editing process lawyers came in, and she had to either rewrite those chapters or redact chunks of her book. As she stated in the podcast that was released on the same day as her book (June 4, 2024), late in the game (March 2024) she was forced to make a decision. And as she stated, she went with her gut to redact instead of rewrite. After more thought, I think she's questioning that decision now. But personally, as a reader and fan, I think celebrities and other memoirists ARE silenced through the book process, and the way she goes about it shows the reader how she took a stand for herself. Every other memoirist (and/or ghostwriter) would have rewritten it. I have to applaud Chelsea for her stance.
I think having some context for Chelsea, such as even listening to a few episodes of her podcast, will help. If you're going into this cold, there's a huge amount to take from it, and I think women aged 15-55 will be more of the target audience for this memoir.
I listened to this, and I also have the ebook. I had to have both in case there were pictures. When I scanned through the book, I could only find one picture. So stick with the audio on this one because you're not missing out on seeing pictures, the audiobook has a bonus chapter, and her voice makes it!
March 19, 2024
I’ll admit it: I didn’t know who Chelsea Devantez was before picking up this memoir, but when Jon Stewart says a book is “f$%king great!!!” (with three exclamation points!!!) then who I am to argue? So I dove in, and I quickly discovered that Chelsea is an accomplished comedian, writer, and podcaster who has been through some things – and that both she and her book are indeed “f$%king great!!!”
I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This (But I'm Going to Anyway) is an homage to the women who shaped Chelsea’s life, both the good and the bad. The writing is raw, honest, heartbreaking, and laugh-out-loud funny in turns. She doesn’t shy away from tough topics or from taking ownership for her struggles, and her growth and empowerment are so inspiring (and especially relatable for a girl like me who suffers from imposter syndrome in a male-dominated career field). Now, I could say something flowery about prose and narrative and all that stuff, which would be totally deserved because this memoir is objectively well written and entertaining. But honestly, this book is so intimate and vulnerable and delivered with perfect comedic timing that it feels more like you’re having a one-on-one chat sesh with your new bestie Chelsea as she shares her journey.
Many thanks to NetGalley, Harlequin Trade Publishing, and Hanover Square Press for providing me an advance copy of this book.
I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This (But I'm Going to Anyway) is an homage to the women who shaped Chelsea’s life, both the good and the bad. The writing is raw, honest, heartbreaking, and laugh-out-loud funny in turns. She doesn’t shy away from tough topics or from taking ownership for her struggles, and her growth and empowerment are so inspiring (and especially relatable for a girl like me who suffers from imposter syndrome in a male-dominated career field). Now, I could say something flowery about prose and narrative and all that stuff, which would be totally deserved because this memoir is objectively well written and entertaining. But honestly, this book is so intimate and vulnerable and delivered with perfect comedic timing that it feels more like you’re having a one-on-one chat sesh with your new bestie Chelsea as she shares her journey.
Many thanks to NetGalley, Harlequin Trade Publishing, and Hanover Square Press for providing me an advance copy of this book.
March 26, 2024
I received a NetGalley advance copy of this book for review.
I’m sure many people will enjoy this book, but I struggled with the subject matter, the use of blacked out portions (to protect … someone, I’m not sure who because I couldn’t decipher those chapters) and the timeline-jumping plot, which I found hard to follow.
It was an interesting look at someone trying to make it on the comedy scene.
I’m sure many people will enjoy this book, but I struggled with the subject matter, the use of blacked out portions (to protect … someone, I’m not sure who because I couldn’t decipher those chapters) and the timeline-jumping plot, which I found hard to follow.
It was an interesting look at someone trying to make it on the comedy scene.
June 30, 2024
Redacted.
June 3, 2024
Thank you HTP and Harlequin Audio for the gifted copies of this book. It’s out tomorrow!
I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This (But I’m Going To Anyway) is a raw memoir-in-essays from comedy writer and podcaster Chelsea Devantez. It’s deep, it’s dark, and it’s hilarious (weird, right?). Chelsea has been through hell and back, many times over, but she gets back up after every punch. It’s awe inspiring without a hint of sanctimony — she just tells it like it is.
There’s something for everyone to relate to in these pages. Chelsea talks about her family life, friend break ups and make ups, boyfriend troubles and finding her husband, career triumphs and tribulations. She talks about working on shows with Jon Stewart and being at Second City. She talks around a “big scary DV incident” but hasn’t let it define her. Through it all, she’s brings her authentic self, earnest but truly hilarious. You’ll laugh and then cry and then laugh and then smile. Anyone who enjoys memoirs will love this one.
Two quick recommendations to level up your reading experience:
1 - Get the audiobook for this one. Chelsea, being the comedian and podcast host that she is, delivers a tremendous performance as she reads the audiobook.
2 - Look at her Instagram as you read it, maybe at the end or beginning of each chapter. She’s created a post for each chapter, with the first line or two and then a series of pictures of things she talked about in those chapters or herself from the relevant time period. Putting images to the story brings it to life in a deeper way.
I also want to address two things I’ve seen reviewers get hung up about that shouldn’t keep you from reading this:
1 - The book jumps around in time. It’s a memoir-in-essays rather than a straight memoir, and I think it’s still really effective as long as you know to expect the format.
2 - The black-barred, redacted parts at the beginning and end have thrown some readers off. These two small sections of the book reference an incident of DV she survived that for legal reasons, she can’t share the details of. You aren’t going to know what’s there, and that’s ok. You will understand and “enjoy” (wrong word but you get it) the book without knowing what’s in the blacked out portions. As for why it’s there at all if the reader can’t read it… it’s not for you. Chelsea left this in for herself, not for us. I think she felt that she couldn’t write this memoir — that she wouldn’t be true to herself — if she didn’t include that incident, so she included it in the only way possible.
I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This (But I’m Going To Anyway) is a raw memoir-in-essays from comedy writer and podcaster Chelsea Devantez. It’s deep, it’s dark, and it’s hilarious (weird, right?). Chelsea has been through hell and back, many times over, but she gets back up after every punch. It’s awe inspiring without a hint of sanctimony — she just tells it like it is.
There’s something for everyone to relate to in these pages. Chelsea talks about her family life, friend break ups and make ups, boyfriend troubles and finding her husband, career triumphs and tribulations. She talks about working on shows with Jon Stewart and being at Second City. She talks around a “big scary DV incident” but hasn’t let it define her. Through it all, she’s brings her authentic self, earnest but truly hilarious. You’ll laugh and then cry and then laugh and then smile. Anyone who enjoys memoirs will love this one.
Two quick recommendations to level up your reading experience:
1 - Get the audiobook for this one. Chelsea, being the comedian and podcast host that she is, delivers a tremendous performance as she reads the audiobook.
2 - Look at her Instagram as you read it, maybe at the end or beginning of each chapter. She’s created a post for each chapter, with the first line or two and then a series of pictures of things she talked about in those chapters or herself from the relevant time period. Putting images to the story brings it to life in a deeper way.
I also want to address two things I’ve seen reviewers get hung up about that shouldn’t keep you from reading this:
1 - The book jumps around in time. It’s a memoir-in-essays rather than a straight memoir, and I think it’s still really effective as long as you know to expect the format.
2 - The black-barred, redacted parts at the beginning and end have thrown some readers off. These two small sections of the book reference an incident of DV she survived that for legal reasons, she can’t share the details of. You aren’t going to know what’s there, and that’s ok. You will understand and “enjoy” (wrong word but you get it) the book without knowing what’s in the blacked out portions. As for why it’s there at all if the reader can’t read it… it’s not for you. Chelsea left this in for herself, not for us. I think she felt that she couldn’t write this memoir — that she wouldn’t be true to herself — if she didn’t include that incident, so she included it in the only way possible.
June 7, 2024
I’ve been a fan of Chelsea for a while now - devouring her podcast episodes as she preaches the gospel of female memoir, the importance of female friendships and community. I found her and the 🍪s at a time I needed it most - isn’t that how it always happens. So I have been anticipating this book since she announced it.
What I wasn’t ready for was how much I would see myself reflected in her words without having shared the same experiences.
Chelsea takes you through a tumultuous childhood, difficult career path and even describes in her own way her personal experiences with domestic violence. Thank you for sharing your story - it’s on the page, every word of it is written down - even when have to read between the bars.
What I wasn’t ready for was how much I would see myself reflected in her words without having shared the same experiences.
Chelsea takes you through a tumultuous childhood, difficult career path and even describes in her own way her personal experiences with domestic violence. Thank you for sharing your story - it’s on the page, every word of it is written down - even when have to read between the bars.
June 22, 2024
I don’t understand why this woman got a book deal and why Goodreads promoted as a must read for June. Was so annoyed with the first chapter. Should have DNFd.
February 14, 2024
really fun memoir that felt a bit gossipy and very friendly in the best possible ways. thanks so much for the arc.
May 15, 2024
This book was vulnerable and hilarious. A masterclass in owning and telling your story by leaving it all on the page. While I don’t know the author I felt immense sadness, joy, and pride while reading her journey and meeting the women that helped shape her. Memoire girlies, this one is for you.
July 12, 2024
*thank you to libro.fm for a gifted copy; all thoughts are my own*
I don't usually rate memoirs, but I really loved this book and am glad Chelsea was able to tell her story. I know having to put black bars in her book was painful for her, but it is truly so impactful seeing how much she was told to remove related to her domestic abuse.
Overall this was a great listen (Chelsea reads it herself) and the chapter about bridesmaids made me tear up at the gym.
I don't usually rate memoirs, but I really loved this book and am glad Chelsea was able to tell her story. I know having to put black bars in her book was painful for her, but it is truly so impactful seeing how much she was told to remove related to her domestic abuse.
Overall this was a great listen (Chelsea reads it herself) and the chapter about bridesmaids made me tear up at the gym.
February 11, 2024
Almost 4 years ago a pandemic started, I was practically bedridden and at a crossroads of life. My sister sent me a podcast about celebrity memoirs., and it was an immediate follow. A week ago I got an arc of her book and devoured it. Chelsea puts into words what so many women have gone through. I am not a writer and feel at a complete loss how to describe what this book means to me. I sobbed, choked on laughter, read a line and had to set the book down to process all the emotions it brought up. This is what women need. I want every movie/tv producer to bring Chelsea and her friends to their meetings to bring to our screens what women live through. The fabulous glamorous trashy REAL lives we live. Thank you Chelsea, you’re a fucking icon.
April 22, 2024
I received an advanced copy of this book, provided for review by Lauren at BookHuddle.
WOW!!! This book had me crying and laughing within the space of a single sentence. It was heart-wrenching, relatable and hysterical. A chaotic read that reflects the personality of the author in a truly authentic way (I don’t know her but who could write like that without being authentically themselves??)
I’ve learned everything I could ever possibly want to know about Chelsea Devantez, including her experience with domestic violence, a relationship breakup whilst wearing a bedazzled eye patch, and a 7.5lb tumor. Despite all this somehow I want to know even more.
WOW!!! This book had me crying and laughing within the space of a single sentence. It was heart-wrenching, relatable and hysterical. A chaotic read that reflects the personality of the author in a truly authentic way (I don’t know her but who could write like that without being authentically themselves??)
I’ve learned everything I could ever possibly want to know about Chelsea Devantez, including her experience with domestic violence, a relationship breakup whilst wearing a bedazzled eye patch, and a 7.5lb tumor. Despite all this somehow I want to know even more.
November 19, 2023
I was fortunate to read an early copy of this book while traveling, and once I picked it up, I couldn't put it down. I was reading it at baggage claim. I was reading it in the back of an Uber. I was reading it while waiting for Curbside Pickup at Chuy's. This book is filled with humor and depth. Warmth and sharp edges. It's laugh-inducing and tear-jerking. Relatable and thought-provoking. You'll learn a lot about Chelsea, and you'll learn a lot about yourself. And by the end, you'll love both Chelsea and yourself a little bit more.
May 9, 2024
I received a galley for this beautiful memoir. I absolutely adore how each chapter is written for each influential woman in Chelsea’s life. I’m not sure how a writer can make her traumas so relatable and dare-I-say—-some of them, funny?? It was a joy to read. Couldn’t put it down. I highly recommend.
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