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357 pages, Paperback
First published July 11, 2023
❛ ❛ I’d have found him there, in that dark period. Sat with him in it. Until very recently, I was there too. Perhaps that’s all Bo and I are. Two people leaving behind the worst, looking forward to the good to come. ❜ ❜
"I aged out of my insecurities to some extent. I found my own rhythm. I figured out who I was outside of the hold-ups and resentment I held. I started to build my identity in things that grew confidence. Who I was instead of who I wasn’t or couldn’t ever be. I stopped hiding parts of myself away."
"I wish I knew you then."
"Because even though we aren’t together, I can no longer imagine a version of my life without Bo in it. Bo is simply lovely. Plain and true and all-encompassing."
"Sometimes the people who haunt us are still alive.
❛ But this book is a lot more than a one-night stand turned baby. It’s about learning to let someone see the messy, needier parts of you. ❜author’s note.🤎
“Because even though we aren’t together, I can no longer imagine a version of my life without Bo in it. Bo is simply lovely. Plain and true and all- encompassing.”
“It’s horribly cliché, but his smile is beaming— far brighter than the sun. I feel myself bloom with it, as if it’s my own personal version of photosynthesis.”
“Who in this world matters the most to you?” “You,” I answer simply, pleading with him to hear me. What I said and all that it means. “You,” he repeats. “It’s you for me too. With a very close second,” he says, his eyes on my belly.
“What I mean is I want him inside me. But not only in the way he will inevitably be soon. But burned inside of me. Like lightning hitting a tree and starting a fire from within. I want him, his life, his lessons, his soul and its impressions to be branded under my skin. “Eat you” are the closest words I can find.”
“You are my soul’s purpose, Win. To know you, to love you, to build a family with you, to spend every day taking care of you, to watch you shine and get all the good things you deserve out of this life.”
“I wish I knew you then, I think to myself.
I’d have found him there, in that dark period. Sat with him in it. Until very recently, I was there too. Perhaps that’s all Bo and I are. Two people leaving behind the worst, looking forward to the good to come.”
“If our food doesn’t arrive soon, I’m going to eat my other hand,” I say, unfolding my napkin.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Bo says exaggeratedly. “You can eat mine. It’s far bigger.”
“Maddening…” He laughs slowly, rolling his neck. “You are maddening.”
“You’d choose this?” I ask, feeling the start of tears sting my nose. I want to say, me? You’d choose me?
“Yeah, I think I would. I know the timing isn’t exactly ideal, but if you lined up every other person in the world who I could’ve had a baby with, I’d choose you again. You’re going to be a fantastic mom, Win.”
“I love you, Win. I love you so much it makes me feel like I’ve hated everything else in my life up until now. Nothing compares to what I feel for you. Not even close.”
"Ever since I've met you, it's like every part of me has healed a little bit."💓💓
It's so much easier to communicate insecurities when you don't need to communicate them at all. Isn't that all we ever want? To be seen and heard? Validated, even when we're not able to ask for it."
"This is who you are baby. And it's beautiful! You can't change anything by hiding it.
"I, like most women my age, have learned to hate myself just enough to appease others. If you're too fond of how you look you're told you'll be unlikeable. Labelled as self-involved, egotistical, or stuck up. But it's purposeful--pinning us against one another. Consumerism demands we remain unsatisfied with our appearnace. If we all liked ourselves, dozens of industries would crumble like Babylon."
"I want him, his life, his lessons, his soul land its impressions to be branded under my skin."
"Our souls were tied a long time ago, I think. We're just finally admitting it to each other."
"You are my soul's purpose, Win."
❛ But this book is a lot more than a one-night stand turned baby. It’s about learning to let someone see the messy, needier parts of you. It’s learning to be loved well as you are and accept help. It’s about challenging expectations and overcoming obstacles. ❜
I know the timing isn’t exactly ideal, but if you lined up every other person in the world who I could’ve had a baby with, I’d choose you again.
And we dance some more. To the sound of nothing but each other’s withering restraint.
“What are we celebrating?” “Your new plan. The kid you’re growing. You, in general”.
“…it feels like my heart is on the outside of my body,” he says, his voice low. “And I miss you so much, even when you’re just a few feet away. I think about you every second of the day and struggle to think of much else. I meant what I said that first night. You are maddening.”