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320 pages, Hardcover
First published August 13, 2024
“A chance at everything, I thought, to hear only what’s inside me shouting true, I want to let the rest of the world’s noise dissolve, even if only for one night, I don’t know what I am or who I am but tonight, right now, I know what I want, and so what if the laws of gods and men would slay me for it, who cares, they already tried to slay me and here I am.”
“She came here on some winged creature through the night sky, she is a woman free to roam the sky, a woman with a palace, a woman whose days are hidden from you, a woman who can do outrageous things to another woman’s body, a woman whose power is mountainous, whose strength is vast, whose charm is boundless, you’d never imagined such a woman could be, yet here she is, and far be it from you to anger her when she’s already given you so much, how could you ask for more, when she has chosen you for this adventure for some inscrutable reason you’ll never understand, just as it’s impossible to understand how this adventure can exist or what the scope of it will be, but there it is, the need to clasp it close and not let go because you want this life she’s offered you, want it with every fiber of your being, yet also want to hold on to your own knowing, however tiny it may be compared to hers.”
“I longed for so much that I almost longed for everything, which is a feeling so vast it curves in on itself, toward the start of the circle, where everything becomes nothing, and the longing for everything blurs into longing for nothing, a subsuming in the longing itself, pure, raw, swallowing you whole.”
“But there is room for them.
It’s not for them.
It’s all for me?
Yes.
So, then – what you’re saying is, this is my home?
Of course it’s your home.
And what I want matters? You don’t own me?
You already know-
You said it before. But what about now?
How can you say such a thing?
Why won’t you answer?”
“How will I live through this? How does any creature live? What is alive keeps going. Keeps listening. Watching. Taking the next breath and the next.”
“Could this moment be real? What is real? What is the world?”
"my whole body cried out for her, for those hands i'd felt on me."