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I've Tried Being Nice: Essays
New York Times
bestselling author Ann Leary offers a literary feast of humor and wisdom told from the perspective of a recovering people pleaser.
Having arrived at a certain age (her prime), Ann Leary casts a wry backward glance at a life spent trying—and often failing—to be nice. With wit and surprising candor, Leary recounts the bedlam of home bat invasions, an obsession with online personality tests, and the mortification of taking ballroom dance lessons with her actor husband. She describes hilarious red-carpet fiascos and other observations from the sidelines of fame, while also touching upon her more poignant struggles with alcoholism, her love for her family, her dogs, and so much more.
Prepare to laugh, cry, cringe and revel in the comically relatable chaos of Ann Leary’s life as revealed in this delighful collection of essays.
Having arrived at a certain age (her prime), Ann Leary casts a wry backward glance at a life spent trying—and often failing—to be nice. With wit and surprising candor, Leary recounts the bedlam of home bat invasions, an obsession with online personality tests, and the mortification of taking ballroom dance lessons with her actor husband. She describes hilarious red-carpet fiascos and other observations from the sidelines of fame, while also touching upon her more poignant struggles with alcoholism, her love for her family, her dogs, and so much more.
Prepare to laugh, cry, cringe and revel in the comically relatable chaos of Ann Leary’s life as revealed in this delighful collection of essays.
240 pages, Hardcover
First published June 4, 2024
About the author
Ann Leary
8 books1,063 followersAnn Leary is the author of the novels, THE CHILDREN, THE GOOD HOUSE, OUTTAKES FROM A MARRIAGE, and the memoir, AN INNOCENT, A BROAD.
Her bestselling novel, THE GOOD HOUSE, has recently been adapted as a motion picture starring Sigourney Weaver and Kevin Kline. Ann’s New York Times essay, “Rallying to Keep the Game Alive,” was adapted for Amazon Prime's Modern Love TV Series and stars Tina Fey and John Slattery. Her work has been translated into eighteen languages and she has written for numerous publications including Ploughshares, NPR, Real Simple and the New York Times.
Her new novel, THE FOUNDLING, will be published on May 31, 2022.
Ann and her husband Denis Leary live in New York.
Her bestselling novel, THE GOOD HOUSE, has recently been adapted as a motion picture starring Sigourney Weaver and Kevin Kline. Ann’s New York Times essay, “Rallying to Keep the Game Alive,” was adapted for Amazon Prime's Modern Love TV Series and stars Tina Fey and John Slattery. Her work has been translated into eighteen languages and she has written for numerous publications including Ploughshares, NPR, Real Simple and the New York Times.
Her new novel, THE FOUNDLING, will be published on May 31, 2022.
Ann and her husband Denis Leary live in New York.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 158 reviews
July 26, 2024
Ever read a book, and while reading it you think to yourself that you would like to be best friends with the author? Well, that’s how I felt while reading “I’ve Tried Being Nice”. This little book contained 20 essays on how our author, Ann Leary (who is married to Denis Leary), tried to overcome her people pleasing and overly nice ways. I knew when I saw the title for this book, that this was a MUST read for me (sorry, but you can only be nice for so long…)
I’m not sure if the essays provided any ways to overcome being “too nice”, but they did give some valuable life lessons. I also had so many laugh out loud moments throughout this book, I was left wanting more.
I will say that this is a light, easy read. I did expect a little bit more in ways to overcome people pleasing and trying to be too nice, but I still found this book to be very enjoyable. From these essays, I have found a new author to read and I plan on adding all her previous books to my list!
I would like to thank Goodreads and the publisher for the gifted copy of this book, in which I had the pleasure of reading! I definitely recommend this read for anyone who is looking for a nice new author, or maybe not so nice 😉
I’m not sure if the essays provided any ways to overcome being “too nice”, but they did give some valuable life lessons. I also had so many laugh out loud moments throughout this book, I was left wanting more.
I will say that this is a light, easy read. I did expect a little bit more in ways to overcome people pleasing and trying to be too nice, but I still found this book to be very enjoyable. From these essays, I have found a new author to read and I plan on adding all her previous books to my list!
I would like to thank Goodreads and the publisher for the gifted copy of this book, in which I had the pleasure of reading! I definitely recommend this read for anyone who is looking for a nice new author, or maybe not so nice 😉
June 12, 2024
funny at times but middle of the road when compared to other essay collections I have read; some of the essays seem to have lost the overall theme (that or I just didn't see it)
January 31, 2024
Ann Leary is very funny. She and I have much in common: people pleasing, anxiety, racing intrusive thoughts and more. Good times! Leary is very upfront with her struggles, and her honesty is both refreshing and relatable.
I enjoyed reading about the author’s life. I’ve heard of Denis Leary, her famous husband, but I have not watched anything he’s been in. It was intriguing to read little insights about red carpet events, schmoozing in Jack Nicholson’s bar with other famous people, and how she reacts to fans who approach her husband (hint—it’s all funny).
I recommend this! It has a little bit of everything, and I guarantee you will laugh.
Thank you to NetGalley, Simon Element and Marysue Rucci Books for the advance copy in exchange for my honest feedback.
I enjoyed reading about the author’s life. I’ve heard of Denis Leary, her famous husband, but I have not watched anything he’s been in. It was intriguing to read little insights about red carpet events, schmoozing in Jack Nicholson’s bar with other famous people, and how she reacts to fans who approach her husband (hint—it’s all funny).
I recommend this! It has a little bit of everything, and I guarantee you will laugh.
Thank you to NetGalley, Simon Element and Marysue Rucci Books for the advance copy in exchange for my honest feedback.
April 8, 2024
What a pleasure after enjoying her fiction, to meet the woman behind her words. Generous and honest, Ann Leary provides insight with humor and self deprecation, and gives of herself, warts and all. Particularly nice is her chapter on dogs and her lifelong friends among them.
June 26, 2024
Relatable and funny essays on marriage, motherhood, writing, complicated parental relationships and so much more. This was an entertaining listen on audio and a quick read at that. I didn't know much about this author or her husband, Dennis Leary but still enjoyed this on audio. Worth a read, especially for fans of authors like Ann Patchett.
June 28, 2024
Witty at times. A couple of interesting moments of looking behind the scenes at the famous couple. Like when they took dance lessons or when she fumbled things with a fan. Overall just okay.
June 11, 2024
This is a light-hearted, vulnerable, and wise collection of essays about being a people-pleaser inspired by memorable personal experiences. She discusses the challenges of people-pleasing and standing up for herself and then shares anecdotes from her life. In some essays, there is that theme of trying to get along with people, trying to keep everyone pleased, and how we feel about reaching a certain age. The essays touch on everything from taking ballroom dancing lessons with her husband to homecoming with bats to empty nesting.
Here is a passage from one of the essays that touched me the most. The author wrote, " I had googled Mrs. Emery when we first moved here and was pleased to learn that her father had written the song My Funny Valentine, which our friend Julie sang for my husband and me at our wedding.
But now I wanted to know about Linda Rogers Emery, not her father. I read a few interesting profiles written about her and her obituary. I discovered that Mrs. Emery was loving and giving. She was philanthropic and creative, but she also struggled, as I have, with shyness and bouts of severe depression.
Some quick math revealed that she moved here when she was about my age. The trees, the flowers, the gardens, and the greenhouse that lift my spirits each day. Had creating them lifted hers? I'm not into musicals and show tunes, but I heard the Rodgers and Hammerstein show song Edelweiss around Christmas time last year.
I was in my happy place, the local plant store, just browsing. The tune stuck with me. It's one of those songs that takes root. Later, I was singing it as I tried to rearrange some plants on my greenhouse deck to make room for my laptop. Like I said, I'm not really into spirituality or show tunes, but I got a little teary as I hummed and sang to all my green darlings, my tender foundlings, and to the spirit of Mrs.
Emery too. Blossoms of snow, may you bloom and grow. Bloom and grow forever."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...
Here is a passage from one of the essays that touched me the most. The author wrote, " I had googled Mrs. Emery when we first moved here and was pleased to learn that her father had written the song My Funny Valentine, which our friend Julie sang for my husband and me at our wedding.
But now I wanted to know about Linda Rogers Emery, not her father. I read a few interesting profiles written about her and her obituary. I discovered that Mrs. Emery was loving and giving. She was philanthropic and creative, but she also struggled, as I have, with shyness and bouts of severe depression.
Some quick math revealed that she moved here when she was about my age. The trees, the flowers, the gardens, and the greenhouse that lift my spirits each day. Had creating them lifted hers? I'm not into musicals and show tunes, but I heard the Rodgers and Hammerstein show song Edelweiss around Christmas time last year.
I was in my happy place, the local plant store, just browsing. The tune stuck with me. It's one of those songs that takes root. Later, I was singing it as I tried to rearrange some plants on my greenhouse deck to make room for my laptop. Like I said, I'm not really into spirituality or show tunes, but I got a little teary as I hummed and sang to all my green darlings, my tender foundlings, and to the spirit of Mrs.
Emery too. Blossoms of snow, may you bloom and grow. Bloom and grow forever."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...
May 21, 2024
I have enjoyed Ann Leary's fiction and was excited to get an advanced copy of this book, which are essays about Ann's life with her husband (the famous Denis Leary) and her kids. Some of the essays were laugh-out-loud funny, and they are spot-on with someone within her same age range..*ahem, 50ish*. The last essay wraps it up nicely - a grumpy 96 year old lady tells a group of women in her way to "move" instead of walking around them. Why can't the lady just BE NICE? Well, "how many minutes does she have left on this earth? How many more steps until she's stuck in the ground? She can't waste her time or energy being nice all the time". Nicely said.
February 2, 2024
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
This book will make you laugh. Ann Leary has a great sense of humor. Each chapter is very different from the last, which makes it fun to read about different points in her life.
I now want to go read her other books.
This book will make you laugh. Ann Leary has a great sense of humor. Each chapter is very different from the last, which makes it fun to read about different points in her life.
I now want to go read her other books.
June 23, 2024
I love these books of essays that are also partial memoirs. Particularly essays written by funny and thoughtful women demonstrating intellectual curiosity and an ability to examine one's behavior/motivations without navel-gazing.
Within this framework, I recommend Ann Leary's funny, relatable, and affecting book of essays, I've Tried Being Nice: Essays. Leary is honest and funny about her admitted people-pleasing, love of gossip, social anxiety, and the travails/triumphs of any long-term marriage.
The essays on dogs, tennis, and "Grey Gardens" are standouts, but don't sleep on her ability to relay how perfect a house has been for her family. Or Leary's journey as a plant lady. The author reads the audiobook and demonstrates at least two remarkably funny creatives in the Leary family.
Within this framework, I recommend Ann Leary's funny, relatable, and affecting book of essays, I've Tried Being Nice: Essays. Leary is honest and funny about her admitted people-pleasing, love of gossip, social anxiety, and the travails/triumphs of any long-term marriage.
The essays on dogs, tennis, and "Grey Gardens" are standouts, but don't sleep on her ability to relay how perfect a house has been for her family. Or Leary's journey as a plant lady. The author reads the audiobook and demonstrates at least two remarkably funny creatives in the Leary family.
August 2, 2024
I should stop reading memoirs from people that I’ve never heard of.
August 12, 2024
This is one of those slow, meandering books from an overly-emotional woman where nothing really happens and I can't figure out how it got to be published. There's so little to it, and most of the subjects are things that don't deserve such shallow essays, that I'm baffled that it made it past the editors. But I guess since Leary had previously written bestsellers and is married to someone famous that content doesn't make any difference.
This is like an Ali Wentworth book without the over-the-top attempts at humor or pushing a political agenda. It's like a Seinfeld script about nothing, only told from Elaine's perspective lying alone in bed with none of the other interesting characters around.
It's hard to be married to notoriously obnoxious Denis Leary and write a dull book about your family life. The only good chapters are the ones where the two of them are struggling and have to fight through everyday life. "Love Means Nothing," which was previously published, is an outstanding piece parallelling tennis with her marriage falling apart. Applying what she learned in tennis lessons, it's not about where the ball or the marriage or the job or the family starts, it's where it ends up that's important.
Among the worst chapters are most of the others that were already published elsewhere on the exciting subjects of knitting (yawn), a virtual friend group (seriously?), her crying over her kids going off to college (did she think she'd be happy about it?) and her alcoholism (preachy and repetitive). She writes, "I won't bore you with how I stopped drinking and returned to the (AA) Program again." Why not? It couldn't be worse than how you're boring us with a vague description of how you handled your addiction!
Other intense chapters are about selling their house, buying plants for her new house, and, believe it or not, packing tips for long distance trips. Does Ann Leary think none of us have access to the internet or that we've never lived a normal life?
There is a whole lot of padding to this already thin volume, and I swear some chapters were added simply to increase the word count for her publisher. Once she gets to the dog chapter near the end, I know it has gone haywire (devoting so much space to pets is a sure sign of a writer that is withholding many of the juiciest personal stories from her memoir). At least her giving birth story (the other sure sign of wasted autobiography space) was kept to a minimum here, but that's only because she devoted 300 pages to it in her other memoir!
Why is she intentionally putting a wall up? This is all so simplistic and at times condescending, while at the same time she constantly puts herself down for being "too nice."
In the end the real issue is the author's low self-esteem, compounded by having a celebrity husband, that leads to her need to convince everyone (and herself) that she's "normal." But normality and nothingness rarely make for an entertaining read unless something significant happens, which rarely does on these pages.
I've tried being nice in this review but ultimately have to admit that it's a waste of time.
This is like an Ali Wentworth book without the over-the-top attempts at humor or pushing a political agenda. It's like a Seinfeld script about nothing, only told from Elaine's perspective lying alone in bed with none of the other interesting characters around.
It's hard to be married to notoriously obnoxious Denis Leary and write a dull book about your family life. The only good chapters are the ones where the two of them are struggling and have to fight through everyday life. "Love Means Nothing," which was previously published, is an outstanding piece parallelling tennis with her marriage falling apart. Applying what she learned in tennis lessons, it's not about where the ball or the marriage or the job or the family starts, it's where it ends up that's important.
Among the worst chapters are most of the others that were already published elsewhere on the exciting subjects of knitting (yawn), a virtual friend group (seriously?), her crying over her kids going off to college (did she think she'd be happy about it?) and her alcoholism (preachy and repetitive). She writes, "I won't bore you with how I stopped drinking and returned to the (AA) Program again." Why not? It couldn't be worse than how you're boring us with a vague description of how you handled your addiction!
Other intense chapters are about selling their house, buying plants for her new house, and, believe it or not, packing tips for long distance trips. Does Ann Leary think none of us have access to the internet or that we've never lived a normal life?
There is a whole lot of padding to this already thin volume, and I swear some chapters were added simply to increase the word count for her publisher. Once she gets to the dog chapter near the end, I know it has gone haywire (devoting so much space to pets is a sure sign of a writer that is withholding many of the juiciest personal stories from her memoir). At least her giving birth story (the other sure sign of wasted autobiography space) was kept to a minimum here, but that's only because she devoted 300 pages to it in her other memoir!
Why is she intentionally putting a wall up? This is all so simplistic and at times condescending, while at the same time she constantly puts herself down for being "too nice."
In the end the real issue is the author's low self-esteem, compounded by having a celebrity husband, that leads to her need to convince everyone (and herself) that she's "normal." But normality and nothingness rarely make for an entertaining read unless something significant happens, which rarely does on these pages.
I've tried being nice in this review but ultimately have to admit that it's a waste of time.
Read
June 25, 2024As I was reading this book of essays, I was reminded of one of my favorite writers, Laura Zigman, who has a similar tone and humorous take on the world. It turns out she is friends with Ann Leary!
This book of essays is a lifetime in the making. Ann Leary is done with niceties, writing what will sell rather than what��s in her heart, and rude neighbors. She is a hysterical writer and I really love the essay about her house being infested with bats. There’s a lot that’s relatable - kids going off to college, marriage trouble, eccentric pets - and a lot that isn’t (having a movie star husband, going to premieres and hanging with A listers, big old house with amenities that are a hard sell to new buyers, a lot of time to devote to high maintenance pets). But this is Ann’s story, and we root for her. She’s done writing for the masses - she wants to write something real and true to her experience. My heart broke for her in an essay about her mother’s reaction to one of Ann’s book coming out and the shame of an accompany audiobook snafu. I was angry on Ann’s behalf when a clueless neighbor kept racing her dogs on Ann’s lawn despite Ann’s warning about her own pets’ reaction. I laughed reading about the tension between Ann and her husband playing tennis and taking dance lessons together. I feel like she has such a well-rounded life but is still trying to figure it all out like the rest of us.
This book of essays is a lifetime in the making. Ann Leary is done with niceties, writing what will sell rather than what��s in her heart, and rude neighbors. She is a hysterical writer and I really love the essay about her house being infested with bats. There’s a lot that’s relatable - kids going off to college, marriage trouble, eccentric pets - and a lot that isn’t (having a movie star husband, going to premieres and hanging with A listers, big old house with amenities that are a hard sell to new buyers, a lot of time to devote to high maintenance pets). But this is Ann’s story, and we root for her. She’s done writing for the masses - she wants to write something real and true to her experience. My heart broke for her in an essay about her mother’s reaction to one of Ann’s book coming out and the shame of an accompany audiobook snafu. I was angry on Ann’s behalf when a clueless neighbor kept racing her dogs on Ann’s lawn despite Ann’s warning about her own pets’ reaction. I laughed reading about the tension between Ann and her husband playing tennis and taking dance lessons together. I feel like she has such a well-rounded life but is still trying to figure it all out like the rest of us.
June 17, 2024
This book could be about me if only I was a published author married to a famous comedian/actor whose home was invaded by bats. To be fair, I have experienced a wayward bat visit on more than one occasion and was not as welcoming as Ann Leary.
I’VE TRIED BEING NICE is a funny, poignant, relatable collection of essays about a serial people pleaser. Ms. Leary is brutally honest about the anxiety that accompanies never wanting to disappoint anyone even to the detriment of oneself. Her descriptions of chronic apologizing, mental scorekeeping, and just trying too damn hard struck a chord with me. Her delivery is flawless and her narration gave authenticity to the words.
This was the perfect choice after reading some heavy books. I found myself laughing at the absurdity of the hell we put ourselves through for sake of being liked. Thank you, Ann Leary, for speaking the truth about being too nice. I hope all people pleasers, myself included, can learn from her journey and reclaim ourselves one refusal-to-put-ourselves-last at a time.
I’VE TRIED BEING NICE is a funny, poignant, relatable collection of essays about a serial people pleaser. Ms. Leary is brutally honest about the anxiety that accompanies never wanting to disappoint anyone even to the detriment of oneself. Her descriptions of chronic apologizing, mental scorekeeping, and just trying too damn hard struck a chord with me. Her delivery is flawless and her narration gave authenticity to the words.
This was the perfect choice after reading some heavy books. I found myself laughing at the absurdity of the hell we put ourselves through for sake of being liked. Thank you, Ann Leary, for speaking the truth about being too nice. I hope all people pleasers, myself included, can learn from her journey and reclaim ourselves one refusal-to-put-ourselves-last at a time.
March 23, 2024
Ann Leary is brilliantly talented and has been one of my favorite writers for many years. I’ve loved all of her books and I thoroughly enjoyed these smart, funny and refreshingly genuine essays she shared with this grateful reader ❤️📚 Thank you to the Goodreads Team and the publisher I was so fortunate to win this ARC from!
July 2, 2024
This is a collection of essays depicting aspects of her life which are very relatable. She’s incredibly honest and she’s such a terrific storyteller. Upon reading these essays, you will laugh and at the same time, they are very insightful. My favorites included “ My life in dogs” and “ The Greenhouse Effect”. This is a quick and easy read that I definitely recommend.
August 15, 2024
4.5 stars
Really enjoyed this one! The author addresses quite a bit of subjects in this memoir in essays (marriage struggles, alcoholism, dogs, parenting, anxiety and people pleasing, tennis, finding a dress for a Hollywood event, etc.), and I enjoy her tone immensely. I’ve read a couple of her novels, but this was my first non-fiction from her. I really need to dive into her backlist non-fiction!
Really enjoyed this one! The author addresses quite a bit of subjects in this memoir in essays (marriage struggles, alcoholism, dogs, parenting, anxiety and people pleasing, tennis, finding a dress for a Hollywood event, etc.), and I enjoy her tone immensely. I’ve read a couple of her novels, but this was my first non-fiction from her. I really need to dive into her backlist non-fiction!
February 5, 2024
I simply adored this essay collection from Ann Leary. (And now I need to go find her fiction) Maybe it's because I'm a similar age, love my dogs, and have also finally grown out of my need to please people, but her essays made me laugh again and again. They also made me think. Can't ask for more from a book. I hope Ann has more essays in her because her blend of kindness, snark, and authenticity is just perfect. thanks to Net Galley for the opportunity to read this book - what a treat!
June 20, 2024
This was different! Fun and very real essays that get you thinking. Can easily read a few pages a day. Thanks to the publisher and netgalley for this copy for read and review
August 18, 2024
Enjoyable and funny.
July 15, 2024
3.5 stars a little above average but I expected more about her “trying to be nice”
March 24, 2024
Hilarious, relatable, honest, and emotional all rolled into one. Great selection of essays.
June 17, 2024
In Ann Leary’s new essay collection, I’ve Tried Being Nice, Ann shares memorable stories from throughout her life as a people pleaser who often fails at doing so. Even though Ann is the wife of actor Denis Leary, her essays are relatable as she covers motherhood, marriage, Hollywood, and more.
I enjoyed reading Ann’s essays! Ann’s wry sense of humor had me laughing out loud numerous times while reading! I loved the title of this book and the premise that we often try to be nice, but sometimes we just don’t succeed. There will always be those people or situations where we need to say what needs to be said.
Thank you to Marysue Rucci Books for the gifted ARC!
I enjoyed reading Ann’s essays! Ann’s wry sense of humor had me laughing out loud numerous times while reading! I loved the title of this book and the premise that we often try to be nice, but sometimes we just don’t succeed. There will always be those people or situations where we need to say what needs to be said.
Thank you to Marysue Rucci Books for the gifted ARC!
July 23, 2024
Loved it. I had a smile on my face nearly the entir time I was reading this book.
July 20, 2024
I loved this book! Not only is Ann Leary a great writer, she is funny as hell. I laughed throughout the book which is not something that happens very often.
June 30, 2024
Essays by a privileged white woman. Nothing that unique or memorable. Maybe it would have been more engaging if I had read her other books. She does a lot of name dropping that her husband is actor and comedian Dennis Leary, who I don't know either.
July 3, 2024
Not great.
July 14, 2024
Like having coffee with her, Ann Leary, author, woman extraordinaire and wife of the hilarious Denis Leary. A collection of stories (essays) about her being a people pleaser and navigating life through that mindset. Stories we can all relate to.
"I'm not just a 'people pleaser' because I want to be liked; and I'm not just one who chooses to take the high road to protest the current nasty cultural and political climate. I'm a coward. I'm terrified of making people angry. I have been all my life."
Not only trying to be nice, but also while being a female feeling the effects of hormones. Ann comments, "Ovaries rule women's minds, bodies, and souls. But mostly our minds." Menopause causing a people pleaser to change to a "Karen" lol.
Ann talks about her challenges with alcohol and addiction. All the lies you tell to convince yourself you're okay. How she finally put down the glass because of "my lifelong desire to be liked, my need for approval, my deeply ingrained need to be seen as 'nice'."
Growing older, learning different aspects of life, she tries tennis and dancing and drags her husband along. But all the while, these small things leading to learning about herself and their marriage. "It's not where the ball, or the child or the book or the marriage or the job, starts. It's where it ends up that's important."
She tells stories of her mother, "What's left unsaid is everything." Her kids and an empty nest, life and marriage after kids. The insanity of Hollywood. Tips for traveling. All the while trying to be nice.
And then, lessons learned from animals:
"I thought I knew a lot about dogs, but Eddie has taught me more. He's taught me about emotions that all mammals share. He's taught me about our need for love, motivation, and the importance of honesty and clarity when communicating with others...He reminds me to try much harder to look at things from the perspective of others. He's taught me to be more patient. Eddie is my familiar--the things I didn't like about him were the things that I don't like about me."
She goes back to train as an EMT. In this training she learns a different meaning for "golden hour." Before school, she understood the term "golden hour" to refer to the last hour before dark or the first after daybreak. The medical meaning is metaphorically similar:
"There is a golden hour between life and death. If you are critically injured, you have less than sixty minutes to survive. You might not die right then; it may be three days or two weeks later--but something has happened in your body that is irreparable."
The last moments of light and life when things are seemingly the clearest.
Was it worth all the frustration and heartache of being a "yesman?" Were all the times you were just being nice the right thing to do? Is it more important to lie to avoid being uncomfortable, to avoid of disappointing others or is the truth worth its own brutality? Perhaps this is all revealed in that golden hour, perhaps.
Then, she just finally googled "what would make a person nice" and: "My takeaway was that nice people are altruistic, honest, fair, generous, thoughtful, and kind. In other words, nice people are good people."
My takeaway...The truth should be the most important factor & Just be nice until it's time to not be nice!
"I'm not just a 'people pleaser' because I want to be liked; and I'm not just one who chooses to take the high road to protest the current nasty cultural and political climate. I'm a coward. I'm terrified of making people angry. I have been all my life."
Not only trying to be nice, but also while being a female feeling the effects of hormones. Ann comments, "Ovaries rule women's minds, bodies, and souls. But mostly our minds." Menopause causing a people pleaser to change to a "Karen" lol.
Ann talks about her challenges with alcohol and addiction. All the lies you tell to convince yourself you're okay. How she finally put down the glass because of "my lifelong desire to be liked, my need for approval, my deeply ingrained need to be seen as 'nice'."
Growing older, learning different aspects of life, she tries tennis and dancing and drags her husband along. But all the while, these small things leading to learning about herself and their marriage. "It's not where the ball, or the child or the book or the marriage or the job, starts. It's where it ends up that's important."
She tells stories of her mother, "What's left unsaid is everything." Her kids and an empty nest, life and marriage after kids. The insanity of Hollywood. Tips for traveling. All the while trying to be nice.
And then, lessons learned from animals:
"I thought I knew a lot about dogs, but Eddie has taught me more. He's taught me about emotions that all mammals share. He's taught me about our need for love, motivation, and the importance of honesty and clarity when communicating with others...He reminds me to try much harder to look at things from the perspective of others. He's taught me to be more patient. Eddie is my familiar--the things I didn't like about him were the things that I don't like about me."
She goes back to train as an EMT. In this training she learns a different meaning for "golden hour." Before school, she understood the term "golden hour" to refer to the last hour before dark or the first after daybreak. The medical meaning is metaphorically similar:
"There is a golden hour between life and death. If you are critically injured, you have less than sixty minutes to survive. You might not die right then; it may be three days or two weeks later--but something has happened in your body that is irreparable."
The last moments of light and life when things are seemingly the clearest.
Was it worth all the frustration and heartache of being a "yesman?" Were all the times you were just being nice the right thing to do? Is it more important to lie to avoid being uncomfortable, to avoid of disappointing others or is the truth worth its own brutality? Perhaps this is all revealed in that golden hour, perhaps.
Then, she just finally googled "what would make a person nice" and: "My takeaway was that nice people are altruistic, honest, fair, generous, thoughtful, and kind. In other words, nice people are good people."
My takeaway...The truth should be the most important factor & Just be nice until it's time to not be nice!
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September 1, 2024OMG this was an absolutely HILARIOUS book! From the very first essay I laughed, smiled, grinned and completely enjoyed this quick read. I picked it up at the library as it was on the new nonfiction area and was drawn in by the cover page. When I came home and started reading it, I discovered to my surprise that I had read Ann Leary's memoir years and years ago and just loved that book. She happens to be married to an actor I have seen, but know little about his work other than recognize him as I don't watch his movies or tv series. So I see Ann for Ann, not for her relation to her husband Denis Leary. All that said, being married to a famous person does bring about some interesting experiences such as "the red carpet chapter" and other situations a spouse would be expected to manage routinely. I just love her true tales and wry humor about herself. The first essay grabbed me immediately about Vassar College and the wide hallways. Her episodes with wildlife on their property is something people can relate with. I have recommended this book to every woman I talk with this past week and happy to pass along such a nice book experience.
While her memoir had a lot of humor in it and was a memorable fun read, it was oddly enough about a very traumatizing experience in her and her hubby's young married life. First child birthed prematurely in a foreign country. Baby needed to stay in neonatal care for months. Mom having to stay in England accordingly...finding a place to live. This young couple were broke. And yet she wove such a wonderful book about that experience.
I will remember this read for years as I did her memoir from years ago. Thank you Ann Leary!
While her memoir had a lot of humor in it and was a memorable fun read, it was oddly enough about a very traumatizing experience in her and her hubby's young married life. First child birthed prematurely in a foreign country. Baby needed to stay in neonatal care for months. Mom having to stay in England accordingly...finding a place to live. This young couple were broke. And yet she wove such a wonderful book about that experience.
I will remember this read for years as I did her memoir from years ago. Thank you Ann Leary!
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