What do you think?
Rate this book
If He Had Been with Me #1
If He Had Been with Me
S'il avait été avec moi,
tout aurait été différent ...
Autumn et Finn se connaissent depuis leur naissance. Ils étaient inséparables. Mais quelque chose a changé. Ils ont changé.
Aujourd'hui, ils font de leur mieux pour s'ignorer. Autumn sort avec son petit ami, Jamie, et traîne avec sa bande. Finn est devenu le mec populaire que tout le monde veut fréquenter.
Pourtant, Autumn a un pincement au coeur chaque fois qu'elle croise Finn. Les choses auraient pu être différentes. Si seulement...
tout aurait été différent ...
Autumn et Finn se connaissent depuis leur naissance. Ils étaient inséparables. Mais quelque chose a changé. Ils ont changé.
Aujourd'hui, ils font de leur mieux pour s'ignorer. Autumn sort avec son petit ami, Jamie, et traîne avec sa bande. Finn est devenu le mec populaire que tout le monde veut fréquenter.
Pourtant, Autumn a un pincement au coeur chaque fois qu'elle croise Finn. Les choses auraient pu être différentes. Si seulement...
400 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2013
About the author
Laura Nowlin
6 books5,945 followersLaura Nowlin holds a B.A. in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing from Missouri State University. . In addition to being ambitious writer Laura is also an avid reader who believes that books allow her to live many lives in one lifetime. When she isn’t at home agonizing over her own novels Laura works at the public library where the patrons give her plenty of inspiration for her writing. She lives in St. Louis with her musician husband, neurotic dog, and psychotic cat.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 59,092 reviews
April 1, 2013
If He Had Been With Me was a poignant story which I devoured in one sitting. It’s a story which deals with issues of friendship, first loves and family in the most raw and intense way I have come across in a long time. It was a story which I knew how would end, but I was utterly mesmerised into reading because of the beautiful heart rendering prose.
The story opens with the most heart breaking chapter, it gives you an insight into how things end. Despite knowing this I continually tried to bury this awful fact at the back of my mind, I kept trying to make myself believe that the author would change the course of the story and that maybe she was just playing with us. So it came as no surprise that when the ending did finally come, I found myself choked up all over again.
If He Had Been With Me deals with the story of what ifs. Autumn and Finn had been best friends forever, they did everything together, until middle school, that they fell apart for some reason or another. Despite their mothers being best friends, and being neighbours, there was always that awkward tension between them when they spent “family time” together. Also they hung out with friends who were on opposite sides of the spectrum to one another, so were seen to never mix or interact with one another. Despite having a great set of friends and boyfriend in Jamie, Autumn’s regret over the loss of her friendship with Finn is clearly apparent. At first it’s like a niggling at the back of her mind, which she continues to throw away and just focus on the good things happening in her life at the moment, but the further she goes through school and seeing Finn all the time bring several feelings of anger, betrayal, love, and loneliness which are continuously eating away at her until it all becomes too much. What would have happened if Autumn and Finn didn’t grow apart? Would things have been different now? It’s these constant thoughts that Autumn can’t shut away.
The Story is told with flash backs into Autumn’s and Finn’s memories when they were younger alongside Autumn’s current progression in school, some readers may find confusing. But I thought these alternating changes in the time span worked wonderfully. The stories were timed right as to show their significance into why that memory had a specific impact to why Autumn was the way she was today. It gave a better understanding into Autumn’s character, and a connection between her in a deep and meaningful way. Some readers may have got frustrated with Autumn’s decisions, but if I were in her shoes I don’t think I would have done it any other way. She had to battle through a lot in this story, and I think she dealt with it the best way she could.
Nowlin focused on many dark and tough issues in this story, issues of depression, family problems and loneliness were explored in depth. What made these issues more realistic was that they weren’t just touched upon once, but they were followed upon Autumn’s progression through school and clearly showed an important part of the type of person Autumn became. I liked how despite their differences Finn was the one who could constantly ground Autumn, the one she could turn to when she needed the most. Her friends were also a supportive bunch, and I enjoyed the fun they had and the time they spent together, but one particular point which I didn’t expect at all, blemished my high opinion I held of some of them.
If you’re worried about giving this book a try because of the heart breaking story please don’t because Nowlin’s gorgeous prose is not one to be missed. Her writing was littered with several beautiful passages and was delicate yet purposeful with each word puncturing a hole in my heart. Despite being a complete mess a few days afterwards and constantly asking myself how and why Nowlin would do this to me. I am sure that He Had Been With Me will remain as one of my favourites reads for a long time to come.
My feelings for this book are perfectly summed up by this gorgeous quote from this book:
“This book is a treasure; I did not suspect it would be so good when I picked it up, but now I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins, rushing to my heart and marking it forever. I want to savour this wonder, this happening of a loving book and reading it for the first time, because the first time is always the best, and I will never read this book for the first time again”
The story opens with the most heart breaking chapter, it gives you an insight into how things end. Despite knowing this I continually tried to bury this awful fact at the back of my mind, I kept trying to make myself believe that the author would change the course of the story and that maybe she was just playing with us. So it came as no surprise that when the ending did finally come, I found myself choked up all over again.
If He Had Been With Me deals with the story of what ifs. Autumn and Finn had been best friends forever, they did everything together, until middle school, that they fell apart for some reason or another. Despite their mothers being best friends, and being neighbours, there was always that awkward tension between them when they spent “family time” together. Also they hung out with friends who were on opposite sides of the spectrum to one another, so were seen to never mix or interact with one another. Despite having a great set of friends and boyfriend in Jamie, Autumn’s regret over the loss of her friendship with Finn is clearly apparent. At first it’s like a niggling at the back of her mind, which she continues to throw away and just focus on the good things happening in her life at the moment, but the further she goes through school and seeing Finn all the time bring several feelings of anger, betrayal, love, and loneliness which are continuously eating away at her until it all becomes too much. What would have happened if Autumn and Finn didn’t grow apart? Would things have been different now? It’s these constant thoughts that Autumn can’t shut away.
The Story is told with flash backs into Autumn’s and Finn’s memories when they were younger alongside Autumn’s current progression in school, some readers may find confusing. But I thought these alternating changes in the time span worked wonderfully. The stories were timed right as to show their significance into why that memory had a specific impact to why Autumn was the way she was today. It gave a better understanding into Autumn’s character, and a connection between her in a deep and meaningful way. Some readers may have got frustrated with Autumn’s decisions, but if I were in her shoes I don’t think I would have done it any other way. She had to battle through a lot in this story, and I think she dealt with it the best way she could.
Nowlin focused on many dark and tough issues in this story, issues of depression, family problems and loneliness were explored in depth. What made these issues more realistic was that they weren’t just touched upon once, but they were followed upon Autumn’s progression through school and clearly showed an important part of the type of person Autumn became. I liked how despite their differences Finn was the one who could constantly ground Autumn, the one she could turn to when she needed the most. Her friends were also a supportive bunch, and I enjoyed the fun they had and the time they spent together, but one particular point which I didn’t expect at all, blemished my high opinion I held of some of them.
If you’re worried about giving this book a try because of the heart breaking story please don’t because Nowlin’s gorgeous prose is not one to be missed. Her writing was littered with several beautiful passages and was delicate yet purposeful with each word puncturing a hole in my heart. Despite being a complete mess a few days afterwards and constantly asking myself how and why Nowlin would do this to me. I am sure that He Had Been With Me will remain as one of my favourites reads for a long time to come.
My feelings for this book are perfectly summed up by this gorgeous quote from this book:
“This book is a treasure; I did not suspect it would be so good when I picked it up, but now I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins, rushing to my heart and marking it forever. I want to savour this wonder, this happening of a loving book and reading it for the first time, because the first time is always the best, and I will never read this book for the first time again”
October 21, 2013
I'm Autumn and I’m smart and edgy and unusual. My mother married her high school sweetheart and now spends her time in a seemingly loveless marriage to a man who’s absent most of the time. So, guess what my plans are. You got it, I’m going to marry the boy I met the first day of high school, (after college of course) buy a house, raise kids and become a teacher, even though I’d rather be a writer and everyone assures me that I’m really talented. But, I just couldn’t expect my awesome, handsome, wonderful boyfriend (husband) to support me while I try to live my dream or to wait to get married until I have explored some of life’s other options. Of course you understand because he tells me I’m pretty all the time and what else do I need?
But did I mention how smart, edgy and unusual I am? I’m so nerdy and out there that I wear a tiara all the time. Isn’t that great? I’d like to wear cool bomber jackets like my best friend, but my boyfriend doesn’t approve. He likes me to be feminine and girly and although I’m super smart it does truly make sense to let him make all of my wardrobe decisions.
Ugh, the only way I could hate this book more is if it had been written by Ann Coulter! If the ridiculous characters and total lack of a plot weren’t enough to turn me off, the grammar errors would probably do it. Believe or not, this supposedly edited copy of a novel is filled with the improper use of pronouns. By page 80 I had already counted 4 instances where “I” was used when it should have been “me.” I kept going back to the front of the book to make sure it wasn’t an Advanced Reader Copy but sure enough, it was read and approved by an editor.
Maybe that explains how this book got published in the first place. Anyone who lacks the basic knowledge of grammar, probably makes questionable decisions about publishing too. I had heard good things about this book and kept waiting for it to stop being so stereotypical and stupid but it never did.
But did I mention how smart, edgy and unusual I am? I’m so nerdy and out there that I wear a tiara all the time. Isn’t that great? I’d like to wear cool bomber jackets like my best friend, but my boyfriend doesn’t approve. He likes me to be feminine and girly and although I’m super smart it does truly make sense to let him make all of my wardrobe decisions.
Ugh, the only way I could hate this book more is if it had been written by Ann Coulter! If the ridiculous characters and total lack of a plot weren’t enough to turn me off, the grammar errors would probably do it. Believe or not, this supposedly edited copy of a novel is filled with the improper use of pronouns. By page 80 I had already counted 4 instances where “I” was used when it should have been “me.” I kept going back to the front of the book to make sure it wasn’t an Advanced Reader Copy but sure enough, it was read and approved by an editor.
Maybe that explains how this book got published in the first place. Anyone who lacks the basic knowledge of grammar, probably makes questionable decisions about publishing too. I had heard good things about this book and kept waiting for it to stop being so stereotypical and stupid but it never did.
February 15, 2023
I have THOUGHTS on this book. What I loved: how realistic it felt. Our main characters are in high school and I really related to the emotions, relationships, and friendships in this book. It all felt so realistic to being a teenager. I loved how this book is a romance but even more so it felt like a coming of age novel.
I really have all positive things to say about this book EXCEPT for the ending. I may be in the minority here because I know the ending makes peoples hearts tear in two, but for me it... didn't? It just felt so abrupt and incomplete to me for some reason. It honestly didn't make me feel much at the end because of how abrupt it felt.
I would still recommend this book tho!
I really have all positive things to say about this book EXCEPT for the ending. I may be in the minority here because I know the ending makes peoples hearts tear in two, but for me it... didn't? It just felt so abrupt and incomplete to me for some reason. It honestly didn't make me feel much at the end because of how abrupt it felt.
I would still recommend this book tho!
January 8, 2021
I'm really confused as to how this book has such a high rating. It was mundane and repetitious, the main character was annoying, and the writing wasn't very good.
And I swear, if I knew she called him "Finny" I never would have picked up this book.
2 very bored and unethusiastic stars
And I swear, if I knew she called him "Finny" I never would have picked up this book.
2 very bored and unethusiastic stars
November 11, 2019
Yes. I'm rating my own book five stars. All mothers think their babies are perfect.
January 16, 2016
LAURA NOWLIN, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
June 19, 2021
that ending was a dumpster fire
May 7, 2023
it’s so bad i wanna give you a zero, but that’s not possible so i give you a one.
June 12, 2023
I felt like I was watching a turtle make its way across the country just to fall off a cliff at the last part. Not fun.
July 1, 2023
Give the trees their paper back
January 20, 2023
This was actually so bad like why is this so popular
February 18, 2024
I mean I guess, if you're a 13 yr old that just found wattpad, sure
November 27, 2022
DNF @ 25%. I cannot get into this book. I’m too old to read about teenagers fighting over a lunch table.
February 9, 2023
this book got me fucked up bye. 3.5 ⭐️
~~UPDATE~~
I’m literally quite mad at this book. THIS BOOK IS SO MUCH WORK FOR THE LAST FEW PAGES!!!
And I’m also even more mad because there are some sweet quotes here about Autumn's POV when it comes to how she views Finn and how she feels about him but it’s also buried in all the other mundane parts of the book. I understand that it’s all a set up and I can totally see how it contributes to piecing the last twenty to thirty pages or so of the book (which are truly the only parts that I really enjoyed about the book), BUT I FEEL BAMBOOZLED.
Here’s the thing. The way their friendship unfolds during those last 20-30 pages would have made the book better (in my opinion) had there been a lot more of THAT specifically.
The ending is sad. I think it’s one of those things you don’t even really care about and you think, “oh whatever, it doesn't seem that bad” but then it comes and at first you’re like ??? HUH and then you sit with it for five minutes or something and next thing you know, TEARS.
But it’s also the kind where it’s not even a complete sob? Like it feels shortened? My tears got blue-balled. That’s how it felt. It was incomplete. Like I didn’t get out all of the emotions and tears I wanted to and that really frustrated me.
There’s also a chance that you probably won’t be affected by the ending. And I truly only kept reading to see how it would end. Would I recommend the entirety of this book just to get to the last twenty or so pages? EH IDK.
I have a lot of conflicting emotions about this. Like it’s good, but also boring? Sweet, but also way too long for what it gave me? I needed more from Finn and Autumn, and HONESTLY?? I don’t even know if I like that ending. Cause what the actual flying fuck???
Obviously, very subjective opinions about this book. Don’t let me stop you from checking this out. This reads pretty plainly and I know that’s exactly what the voice was aiming to do, but there’s also still quite a lot of parts that I just skimmed over. Probably why I finished this book in a few hours. UGH. I feel played.
~~ HERE’S ANOTHER UPDATE: 07/04~~
I’m changing my rating. This gets 4.5 ⭐️ Primarily because I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS BOOK!!!!
I’ve gotten over my initial anger over how the book ended. And I still stand by the fact that there are some parts of this book you’re likely to skim over.
THE TEARS?? Here’s the thing. I think if you internalize their relationship from the start, the ending hits you a lot harder. How devoted was I to their relationship? I was probably at a 6 out of 10 BUT now that I’ve thought way more about them and the book has sunken in, JFC I can’t get this book out of my head. Now I feel like I’m at a 10 out of 10.
I keep thinking about Finn and Autumn and how all of the behind the scenes of their relationship contributed to the ending, AND THAT ENDING?? Oh my god. Stop. It hurts my heart to remember it.
I keep thinking about the miscommunication between them, the love Finn always had for Autumn, and how neither of them knew what the other truly meant to them. AND SHDALSDJASFF BYE go read it ugh
~~UPDATE~~
I’m literally quite mad at this book. THIS BOOK IS SO MUCH WORK FOR THE LAST FEW PAGES!!!
And I’m also even more mad because there are some sweet quotes here about Autumn's POV when it comes to how she views Finn and how she feels about him but it’s also buried in all the other mundane parts of the book. I understand that it’s all a set up and I can totally see how it contributes to piecing the last twenty to thirty pages or so of the book (which are truly the only parts that I really enjoyed about the book), BUT I FEEL BAMBOOZLED.
Here’s the thing. The way their friendship unfolds during those last 20-30 pages would have made the book better (in my opinion) had there been a lot more of THAT specifically.
The ending is sad. I think it’s one of those things you don’t even really care about and you think, “oh whatever, it doesn't seem that bad” but then it comes and at first you’re like ??? HUH and then you sit with it for five minutes or something and next thing you know, TEARS.
But it’s also the kind where it’s not even a complete sob? Like it feels shortened? My tears got blue-balled. That’s how it felt. It was incomplete. Like I didn’t get out all of the emotions and tears I wanted to and that really frustrated me.
There’s also a chance that you probably won’t be affected by the ending. And I truly only kept reading to see how it would end. Would I recommend the entirety of this book just to get to the last twenty or so pages? EH IDK.
I have a lot of conflicting emotions about this. Like it’s good, but also boring? Sweet, but also way too long for what it gave me? I needed more from Finn and Autumn, and HONESTLY?? I don’t even know if I like that ending. Cause what the actual flying fuck???
Obviously, very subjective opinions about this book. Don’t let me stop you from checking this out. This reads pretty plainly and I know that’s exactly what the voice was aiming to do, but there’s also still quite a lot of parts that I just skimmed over. Probably why I finished this book in a few hours. UGH. I feel played.
~~ HERE’S ANOTHER UPDATE: 07/04~~
I’m changing my rating. This gets 4.5 ⭐️ Primarily because I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS BOOK!!!!
I’ve gotten over my initial anger over how the book ended. And I still stand by the fact that there are some parts of this book you’re likely to skim over.
THE TEARS?? Here’s the thing. I think if you internalize their relationship from the start, the ending hits you a lot harder. How devoted was I to their relationship? I was probably at a 6 out of 10 BUT now that I’ve thought way more about them and the book has sunken in, JFC I can’t get this book out of my head. Now I feel like I’m at a 10 out of 10.
I keep thinking about Finn and Autumn and how all of the behind the scenes of their relationship contributed to the ending, AND THAT ENDING?? Oh my god. Stop. It hurts my heart to remember it.
I keep thinking about the miscommunication between them, the love Finn always had for Autumn, and how neither of them knew what the other truly meant to them. AND SHDALSDJASFF BYE go read it ugh
March 11, 2023
i really don’t even wanna talk about it rn (continues to write a whole ass paragraph), i can’t even see my screen through the tears in my eyes. i told myself i’d read half this book tonight and then finish it tomorrow, well here i am at almost 6am SOBBING. but yk what? i did this to myself. I’M SO SICK. the ending was too much all at once WHO ALLOWED THAT😭i’m so fucking sick. and now laura nowlin wants me to read the book AGAIN in his pov??? yk i will….but, fuck, going through that pain again, i’m so sick thinking about it. it’s like i already knew what to expect from the ending so idk why i’m so hurt, no no no ik why…have you guys ever watched a really good show and something really bad happens to your favorite character and then you rewatch the show and always pray for a different ending but knowing deep down that won’t happen????? me with this book. i’m crushed. my finny🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺heartbroken. i literally don’t know what to do with myself and now i’m sitting here thinking about “under the sycamore tree” and “a thousand boy kisses” crying even harder. i need to stop with these heartbreaking books. ugh i need so much therapy rn💀5 fucking sad stars, i recommend you read at your own risk, no you will not have me tell to you read this right now bc i love and care about your mental health. sasha and jamie i hate u bitches forever. also let me just say that i really just read the first chapter in this book and was like ah ok and wiped my mind clean of it CLEARLY bc i should not be this big of a mess rn.
January 21, 2024
~ 1.0 stars ~
I had such high expectations for this one. Gah. And this is why, you never let your expectations go too high. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.
(Oh wait, I'm not done.) If He Had Been with Me's premise was so interesting. We already knew how it ended, but we didn't know the journey to the end. But, alas, the premise doesn't live up to the book.
I got some heavy-duty nostalgia while reading this book. This is one of the only good things I got out of reading this book.
There was a love triangle. Why oh why do authors love implementing love triangles?! They're pointless and stupid and dumb.
I hated this book right from the beginning. I could tell it was the type of novel to drag on and on until the very end. And I was right. Only in the last 5-10% or so did stuff actually happen. And that was it. It was also extremely predictable.
There were also way too many "I love you"s. Too many.
Too much beginning. Too much exposition. Too much foreshadowing. Too much description. Too much monotone. Too much filler. Too much fluff. Too little dialogue. Too little plot. Too little action. Too little personality. Yeah, the author did too much on certain things and too little on others. Not a good balance at all.
All relationships in this book were shallow, except the relationship between Finny and Autumn. So, is the reader supposed to believe that Autumn and Finny were just Meant To Be and Perfect For Each Other? There are other ways, you know, to demonstrate this, and you're certainly not supposed to make all Autumn's other relationships just shallow. Her romantic relationship with Jamie was so surface level. Her friendship between the kids in her friend group were so shallow.
I would not recommend this to anyone, and I will certainly never read this again. Buh-bye.
follow me for reviews on every book i read!!! 💖💗
⪼ a disastrous 1.0 stars ★☆☆☆☆
Review written on 6/15/2021
I had such high expectations for this one. Gah. And this is why, you never let your expectations go too high. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.
(Oh wait, I'm not done.) If He Had Been with Me's premise was so interesting. We already knew how it ended, but we didn't know the journey to the end. But, alas, the premise doesn't live up to the book.
"This is friendship, and it is love, but I already know what they have not learned yet; how dangerous friendship is, how damaging love can be."
I got some heavy-duty nostalgia while reading this book. This is one of the only good things I got out of reading this book.
There was a love triangle. Why oh why do authors love implementing love triangles?! They're pointless and stupid and dumb.
I hated this book right from the beginning. I could tell it was the type of novel to drag on and on until the very end. And I was right. Only in the last 5-10% or so did stuff actually happen. And that was it. It was also extremely predictable.
There were also way too many "I love you"s. Too many.
Too much beginning. Too much exposition. Too much foreshadowing. Too much description. Too much monotone. Too much filler. Too much fluff. Too little dialogue. Too little plot. Too little action. Too little personality. Yeah, the author did too much on certain things and too little on others. Not a good balance at all.
All relationships in this book were shallow, except the relationship between Finny and Autumn. So, is the reader supposed to believe that Autumn and Finny were just Meant To Be and Perfect For Each Other? There are other ways, you know, to demonstrate this, and you're certainly not supposed to make all Autumn's other relationships just shallow. Her romantic relationship with Jamie was so surface level. Her friendship between the kids in her friend group were so shallow.
I would not recommend this to anyone, and I will certainly never read this again. Buh-bye.
follow me for reviews on every book i read!!! 💖💗
⪼ a disastrous 1.0 stars ★☆☆☆☆
Review written on 6/15/2021
February 27, 2024
I don’t know if I’ll ever really recover from this book.
February 13, 2023
what are y’all crying for this was so boring
February 20, 2023
5 stars for the ending, minus 3 stars because i had to get through an absolute bore fest to get there.
September 2, 2024
sobbing at 1am was not on my agenda…
June 21, 2023
Listen… I might change my rating later because I have such conflicting feelings about this book.
Unlike literally the rest of the world I am the only person that didn’t realize how this was going to end. Yes I know it literally tells you in the first chapter and there would be no other reason for it to be in the first chapter but I thought we were going a different route excuse me for being optimistic!!! I read through the first chapter quickly and when I read the line about what she hoped would be true I believed it at face value. So I’m reading this thinking it’s some cute love story and when it finished I feel BAMBOOZLED I feel HURT I feel BETRAYED.
This whole time I was The Mothers watching them waiting and hoping they would get together. Yeah I’ve been played.
Sorry but we went through all that just to enjoy them for like 10 pages and then it got ripped from us in the worst possible way. Why did *she* have to come back the next day??? You couldn’t just let us enjoy it for a few weeks I’m heartbroken. Way too much Jamie and not enough Finny.
So yeah idk if this makes me want to give the book a high or low rating but the fact that it’s evoking all these feelings out of me makes me feel like it must be doing something right. I don’t know how I’m supposed to sleep now. I feel UNSETTLED. I haven’t even cried because I’m still staring at my wall in shock.
Unlike literally the rest of the world I am the only person that didn’t realize how this was going to end. Yes I know it literally tells you in the first chapter and there would be no other reason for it to be in the first chapter but I thought we were going a different route excuse me for being optimistic!!! I read through the first chapter quickly and when I read the line about what she hoped would be true I believed it at face value. So I’m reading this thinking it’s some cute love story and when it finished I feel BAMBOOZLED I feel HURT I feel BETRAYED.
This whole time I was The Mothers watching them waiting and hoping they would get together. Yeah I’ve been played.
Sorry but we went through all that just to enjoy them for like 10 pages and then it got ripped from us in the worst possible way. Why did *she* have to come back the next day??? You couldn’t just let us enjoy it for a few weeks I’m heartbroken. Way too much Jamie and not enough Finny.
So yeah idk if this makes me want to give the book a high or low rating but the fact that it’s evoking all these feelings out of me makes me feel like it must be doing something right. I don’t know how I’m supposed to sleep now. I feel UNSETTLED. I haven’t even cried because I’m still staring at my wall in shock.
May 22, 2023
Autorka w dedykacji napisała, że bez swojego męża nie wiedziałaby jak pisać o prawdziwej miłości. Chyba mąż jej nie kocha.
February 5, 2023
Well this was supposed to emotionally destroy me. And it did. My emotions are destroyed. I don't feel anything anymore. Is there a reason this is popular other than that it has teen characters and a death of one?
This wasn't even predictable because there was nothing to predict. Everything was painfully obvious and right in front of us. Because NOTHING HAPPENS.
I woke up today. I took a shower. I ate my breakfast. I washed my hands. I started reading a book. I ate my lunch. I took my afternoon nap. I woke up from my nap. I finished my book. I ate my dinner. I washed my hands. I fell asleep. Oh! And my childhood bsf who just became my boyfriend died.
Should I write a 300+ page novel about my phenomenal story? It makes sense since all i need to include is the last part and it doesn't matter what i fill 328/330 pages with, it would be epic!
P.S : Let me tell you what wouldn't have happened if he had been with you, Autumn, honey. THIS BOOK.
This wasn't even predictable because there was nothing to predict. Everything was painfully obvious and right in front of us. Because NOTHING HAPPENS.
I woke up today. I took a shower. I ate my breakfast. I washed my hands. I started reading a book. I ate my lunch. I took my afternoon nap. I woke up from my nap. I finished my book. I ate my dinner. I washed my hands. I fell asleep. Oh! And my childhood bsf who just became my boyfriend died.
Should I write a 300+ page novel about my phenomenal story? It makes sense since all i need to include is the last part and it doesn't matter what i fill 328/330 pages with, it would be epic!
P.S : Let me tell you what wouldn't have happened if he had been with you, Autumn, honey. THIS BOOK.
October 31, 2016
"Perhaps he would ask me what books mean to me. I would tell him that it means living another life."
This book was so uncomfortable to read. The metamorphosis of Autumn runs parallel to my own teen years.
This book didn't feel like another life, it felt like an alternate universe of my own. Not because I had a boyfriend I didn't appreciate, or a boy that I loved and didn't deserve. Because I asked the same questions, showered until I was numb, craved books because I couldn't stand my own actions in a blurry and unforgiving world, and feared I was on the path to being trapped in my own mind like my couch-ridden mother.
“I can see some of the roses still blooming in my mother´s garden. Brown on the edges and bright in other colors, their petals drooping downward, dying just as their lives have begun."
You know where the story will end with the never-ending sense of dread in Autumn's narrative; it's no surprise. But what may surprise you is that part of you goes down this rabbit hole, welling up newfound regret, breathing in anger at the fucked-up world that honestly doesn't get better as you get older. You learn to cope and to harden, to get over it and care less. The past is over and you can't do anything about it, so just keep moving. Right?
Autumn doesn't. That is mental illness: the constant rewind and fast forward of feeling too much and not enough, the past being as palpable as the present.
This is one of the most real and painfully beautiful teen contemporaries I have read.
"I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins, rushing to my heart and marking it forever."
Lay your fingers on this thorny rose of a book.
This book was so uncomfortable to read. The metamorphosis of Autumn runs parallel to my own teen years.
This book didn't feel like another life, it felt like an alternate universe of my own. Not because I had a boyfriend I didn't appreciate, or a boy that I loved and didn't deserve. Because I asked the same questions, showered until I was numb, craved books because I couldn't stand my own actions in a blurry and unforgiving world, and feared I was on the path to being trapped in my own mind like my couch-ridden mother.
“I can see some of the roses still blooming in my mother´s garden. Brown on the edges and bright in other colors, their petals drooping downward, dying just as their lives have begun."
You know where the story will end with the never-ending sense of dread in Autumn's narrative; it's no surprise. But what may surprise you is that part of you goes down this rabbit hole, welling up newfound regret, breathing in anger at the fucked-up world that honestly doesn't get better as you get older. You learn to cope and to harden, to get over it and care less. The past is over and you can't do anything about it, so just keep moving. Right?
Autumn doesn't. That is mental illness: the constant rewind and fast forward of feeling too much and not enough, the past being as palpable as the present.
This is one of the most real and painfully beautiful teen contemporaries I have read.
"I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins, rushing to my heart and marking it forever."
Lay your fingers on this thorny rose of a book.
June 14, 2023
she wears a tiara to school bc she’s just quirky like that 🤪
April 23, 2024
‼️ WARNING: This review contains major spoilers. If you haven’t read this book yet, please read my review with care.
‼️ Please also read the trigger warnings before starting this book.
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
Believe it or not, I think I must be the only person who didn’t see the ending coming even after the first chapter. Maybe I was delusional, maybe I was hopeful, but the truth is I just didn’t get it. I read the paragraph about him being untouched amidst shards of glass and the whole world going still, and I thought that Autumn was dreaming, or that she was mentally ill and the reality was vastly different. But I was wrong.
After TFIOS, I’ve come to despise the trope where one of the main characters dies at the end of the book. Even if the character’s death makes the story heartbreakingly beautiful, I firmly believe that many authors do this partly for shock value and probably partly for memorability.
🩵 PROS:
✿₊⊹ Reading this book was like reading a teenage girl’s diary, and once I accepted that, it was easy to breeze through; I never once felt like picking up another book while reading this.
✿₊⊹ Autumn was pretty alright. She didn’t annoy me too much, unlike most teenage main characters who are usually too self-entitled, edgy, shallow etc… You get the point. Yes she was quirky (what's with the tiaras lol?) and maybe a bit too try-hard. But overall Autumn was a pliable, down-to-earth and unassuming person.
✿₊⊹ Depression was a topic which was very sensitively and well written in this book. Autumn's mother has depression, and it's highly implied that Autumn has it too as a result of genetics. In some chapters, I really liked the way Laura Nowlin portrayed Autumn's melancholy.
✿₊⊹ Autumn's teenage angst was surprisingly relatable, because she reminded me of myself in high school. Her relationship with Jamie reminded me of mine with my first boyfriend.
✿₊⊹ I especially loved that Autumn was a voracious reader. We love to see girls who read featured in books 🥰
🩵 CONS:
✿₊⊹ If I’d known she was going to refer to him as “Finny” the entire time, I NEVER would’ve gone near this book. Please all I want is to erase this name from my mind and never see it again.
✿₊⊹ I didn’t see Finn’s (I absolutely refuse to call him Finny) appeal at all. Everyone raves about how well he treats Autumn and how much he cares for her, but the book is honestly just a chronicling of Autumn’s high school life with her group of misfit friends. Finn barely features in it for the majority of the book, except for some awkward moments. Also every time she called him Finny, I just kept imagining he was 10 years old and it probably diminished his attractiveness significantly.
✿₊⊹ The fact that Finn cheated on Sylvie (since they were still together when he slept with Autumn) was so sleazy. I’m sorry I don’t care if him and Autumn are soulmates or whatever because it's so hypocritical. It completely ruined the romance for me. How can Autumn get so upset that her boyfriend Jamie cheated on her with her best friend, and then turn around and do the exact same thing to Sylvie? And how can Finn be so angry that Jamie treated Autumn that way, and then turn around and do the exact same thing to his girlfriend? It makes the both of them two-faced and despicable if you ask me.
✿₊⊹ I've seen people saying this book is juvenile, and it's true. I couldn't connect to the characters as much since it's been years since I left high school, let alone middle school.
In the end, reading this book was like reminiscing about a chronicle of my high school life, with its inherent friendships, relationships, heartbreaks, losses and joys.
And finally, I have to acknowledge the truth of this line, which is simple yet evocative. Just like Autumn and Jamie, I was never truly in love with my first boyfriend, and he was not my first love. In fact, I met my first love later — but spoiler alert: we didn't last. After that relationship ended, I went on to fall in love again with other people. Yet there has always been a small part of me that wishes we were together again.
1.5 stars
♡‧₊˚ PRE-REVIEW:
It seems all I have been doing is reading disappointing books lately...
♡‧₊˚ PRE-READ:
I'm ready to cry 🥹🥹🥹
‼️ Please also read the trigger warnings before starting this book.
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
⋆˚✿˖°
In my memory of childhood, it is always summer first. I see the dancing light and green leaves. Finny and I hide under bushes or in trees. Autumn is our birthdays and walking to school together and a deepening of that golden light. He and his mother spend Christmas at our house. My father makes an appearance. His father sends a present that is both expensive and unfathomable. A chemistry set. Custom-made golf clubs. Finny shrugs and lays them aside. Winter is a blur of white and cold hands shoved in pockets. Finny rescues me when other kids throw snowballs at me. We sled or stay indoors. Spring is a painting in pale green, and I sit watching from the stands while Finny plays soccer.
Believe it or not, I think I must be the only person who didn’t see the ending coming even after the first chapter. Maybe I was delusional, maybe I was hopeful, but the truth is I just didn’t get it. I read the paragraph about him being untouched amidst shards of glass and the whole world going still, and I thought that Autumn was dreaming, or that she was mentally ill and the reality was vastly different. But I was wrong.
I’ve loved him my whole life, and somewhere along the way, that love didn’t change but grew. It grew to fill the parts of me that I did not have when I was a child. It grew with every new longing in my body and desire in my heart until there was not a piece of me that did not love him. And when I look at him, there is no other feeling in me.
After TFIOS, I’ve come to despise the trope where one of the main characters dies at the end of the book. Even if the character’s death makes the story heartbreakingly beautiful, I firmly believe that many authors do this partly for shock value and probably partly for memorability.
🩵 PROS:
✿₊⊹ Reading this book was like reading a teenage girl’s diary, and once I accepted that, it was easy to breeze through; I never once felt like picking up another book while reading this.
✿₊⊹ Autumn was pretty alright. She didn’t annoy me too much, unlike most teenage main characters who are usually too self-entitled, edgy, shallow etc… You get the point. Yes she was quirky (what's with the tiaras lol?) and maybe a bit too try-hard. But overall Autumn was a pliable, down-to-earth and unassuming person.
✿₊⊹ Depression was a topic which was very sensitively and well written in this book. Autumn's mother has depression, and it's highly implied that Autumn has it too as a result of genetics. In some chapters, I really liked the way Laura Nowlin portrayed Autumn's melancholy.
I lay on my bed in late afternoon, watching a patch of light move across the floor, my throat tight, my body still. This is the saddest part of any day, when too much time has passed to create happiness while it is still light out. It’s too late. The daylight has been squandered on my immobility. The patch of light falls still; it begins to fade. It will be better when it is gone. This is only one day, I remind myself, and it is very nearly over.
✿₊⊹ Autumn's teenage angst was surprisingly relatable, because she reminded me of myself in high school. Her relationship with Jamie reminded me of mine with my first boyfriend.
Sometimes I am disappointed with love. I thought that when you were in love, it would always be right there, staring you in the face, reminding you every moment that you love this person. It seems that it isn’t always like that. Sometimes I know that I love Jamie, but I don’t feel it, and I wonder what it would be like to be with someone else.
I love him the most when we fight and I am scared that he will leave me. After we fight, I want so much to be close to him, and the next day I want his hand in mine every minute. Sometimes he loves me more than I love him, and he wants me to pay attention to him, but I wish he would leave me alone so that I could go back to reading or talking to Angie about Mrs. Adams. Sometimes we both love each other a lot and it’s hard to hang up at night, and I wish it could always be like that.
✿₊⊹ I especially loved that Autumn was a voracious reader. We love to see girls who read featured in books 🥰
I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins, rushing to my heart and marking it forever. I want to savor this wonder, this happening of loving a book and reading it for the first time, because the first time is always the best, and I will never read this book for the first time ever again.
🩵 CONS:
✿₊⊹ If I’d known she was going to refer to him as “Finny” the entire time, I NEVER would’ve gone near this book. Please all I want is to erase this name from my mind and never see it again.
✿₊⊹ I didn’t see Finn’s (I absolutely refuse to call him Finny) appeal at all. Everyone raves about how well he treats Autumn and how much he cares for her, but the book is honestly just a chronicling of Autumn’s high school life with her group of misfit friends. Finn barely features in it for the majority of the book, except for some awkward moments. Also every time she called him Finny, I just kept imagining he was 10 years old and it probably diminished his attractiveness significantly.
✿₊⊹ The fact that Finn cheated on Sylvie (since they were still together when he slept with Autumn) was so sleazy. I’m sorry I don’t care if him and Autumn are soulmates or whatever because it's so hypocritical. It completely ruined the romance for me. How can Autumn get so upset that her boyfriend Jamie cheated on her with her best friend, and then turn around and do the exact same thing to Sylvie? And how can Finn be so angry that Jamie treated Autumn that way, and then turn around and do the exact same thing to his girlfriend? It makes the both of them two-faced and despicable if you ask me.
✿₊⊹ I've seen people saying this book is juvenile, and it's true. I couldn't connect to the characters as much since it's been years since I left high school, let alone middle school.
In the end, reading this book was like reminiscing about a chronicle of my high school life, with its inherent friendships, relationships, heartbreaks, losses and joys.
And I love him. For all of my memory, I have loved him; I do not even notice it anymore. I feel what I have always felt when I look at him, and I have never before asked myself what it is exactly. I love him in a way I cannot define, as if my love were an organ within my body that I could not live without yet could not pick out of an anatomy book.
And finally, I have to acknowledge the truth of this line, which is simple yet evocative. Just like Autumn and Jamie, I was never truly in love with my first boyfriend, and he was not my first love. In fact, I met my first love later — but spoiler alert: we didn't last. After that relationship ended, I went on to fall in love again with other people. Yet there has always been a small part of me that wishes we were together again.
"Because everyone always says that you never get over your first love. She loved Mr. Rochester first, and she loved him so much. Even if she fell in love again, I think part of her would always be wishing she was still with him.”
1.5 stars
♡‧₊˚ PRE-REVIEW:
It seems all I have been doing is reading disappointing books lately...
♡‧₊˚ PRE-READ:
I'm ready to cry 🥹🥹🥹
April 6, 2013
This book could have been epic...
The beautiful cover and the description of this book lured me in and I couldn’t wait to read this story. I knew from the description, that a tragedy would occur. I was more than prepared to take the journey and meet Autumn and Finny. The part that I wasn’t prepared for was the abrupt anticlimactic ending.
The story brings a reader through four years of high school with the back ground of Finn and Autumn’s neighbor/best friend/family relationship that has now become strained while both characters find themselves and pursue different friends.
I would rate the majority of the book as a 4 star read. I loved following Autumn’s teenage life, friends, family and boyfriends. Sadly, I would have to give the ending a 1 star rating.
As a reader the story’s slow build up to Autumn and Finny declaring their love which does finally occurs in the last 90% of the book. However, the whole thing falls apart in the last couple of pages with an abrupt weak ending.
There were no surprises found in the ending, no profound moments, nothing, NADA.
Overall, I loved Autumn and Finny and felt deflated not sad by the end of the book. I wanted so much more for our main character.
The beautiful cover and the description of this book lured me in and I couldn’t wait to read this story. I knew from the description, that a tragedy would occur. I was more than prepared to take the journey and meet Autumn and Finny. The part that I wasn’t prepared for was the abrupt anticlimactic ending.
The story brings a reader through four years of high school with the back ground of Finn and Autumn’s neighbor/best friend/family relationship that has now become strained while both characters find themselves and pursue different friends.
I would rate the majority of the book as a 4 star read. I loved following Autumn’s teenage life, friends, family and boyfriends. Sadly, I would have to give the ending a 1 star rating.
As a reader the story’s slow build up to Autumn and Finny declaring their love which does finally occurs in the last 90% of the book. However, the whole thing falls apart in the last couple of pages with an abrupt weak ending.
There were no surprises found in the ending, no profound moments, nothing, NADA.
Overall, I loved Autumn and Finny and felt deflated not sad by the end of the book. I wanted so much more for our main character.
February 23, 2024
Finny?
Oh autumn.
I related to autumn far to much I fear. I can’t talk about it without aggressively sobbing and I will forever love this book. It’s on my mind 24/7 and the characters and plot and writing all just made me happy and sad and mentally unstable and this book should pay for my therapy and it was funny sometimes too! I adore this book. JUSTICE FOR FINNY AND AUTUMN THOUGH.
Oh autumn.
I related to autumn far to much I fear. I can’t talk about it without aggressively sobbing and I will forever love this book. It’s on my mind 24/7 and the characters and plot and writing all just made me happy and sad and mentally unstable and this book should pay for my therapy and it was funny sometimes too! I adore this book. JUSTICE FOR FINNY AND AUTUMN THOUGH.
June 23, 2023
welcome to my never-ending journey of reading hyped up books
i went into this with low expectations and fully expected to feel “too old.” honestly, i was pleasantly surprised. i needed a quick read with short chapters and this hit the spot.
i knew what was going to happen literally the entire time and it still hurt me. why am i like this?? 🥲
definitely reading the sequel when it comes out!
i went into this with low expectations and fully expected to feel “too old.” honestly, i was pleasantly surprised. i needed a quick read with short chapters and this hit the spot.
i knew what was going to happen literally the entire time and it still hurt me. why am i like this?? 🥲
definitely reading the sequel when it comes out!
Want to read
April 12, 2023wait why did everyone cry reading this one, i‘m scared
Displaying 1 - 30 of 59,092 reviews