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474 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 7, 2016
“My lady,” he said gallantly, “I’m willing to stop whenever you are. Perhaps you’d be better off sticking to more womanly pursuits, like embroidery or music or-“
She bashed him in the ribs.
“I asked him to change back to talk to me, but he won’t,” Jane said. “It’s disrespectful to remain a horse in the bedchamber, I should think.”
She was a woman who wore pants. She couldn’t be trusted.
“You may think you know the story. It goes like this: once upon a time, there was a sixteen-year old girl named Jane Grey, who was forced to marry a complete stranger (Lord Guildford or Gilford or Gifford-something-or-other), and shortly thereafter found herself ruler of a country. She was queen for nine days. Then she quite literally lost her head.”
“Through books she could see the world.”
“Very funny, my lady. And that reminds me"---he pointed a finger at her---"no horse jokes."
He was making it too easy. "Ah, my lord, why the long face?"
"That's it!”
“Dedication
For everyone who knows there was enough room for Leonardo DiCaprio on that door.
And for England. We’re really sorry for what we’re about to do to your history.”
“Armies aren't very good about carrying libraries with them. I can't imagine why. We'd fight so much less if everyone would juste sit down and read.”
“Your majesty, please reconsider," Lord Dudley pleaded. "Your position will be much stronger with your husband as king. The people will see it as a sign of strength - "
She took a deep breath. "They need signs of my strength, not my reliance on the men around me.”
“I love you more than I love books.”
"You nearly died, and then who would I have argued with?"
"You'd have found someone."
"No." He stepped toward her. "I only want to argue with you.”
“What my wife desires--and what you should have guessed, had you paid attention--is bookcases. And books, of course, to fill them. Not more decorations or useless items. She wants books.”
“No horse jokes," he said.
"My lord, I apologize for the horse joke. If you put down the book---unharmed!---I will give you a carrot."
He brandished the book at her. "Was that a horse joke?"
"Neigh."
"Was that a horse joke?”
So. Her husband was a horse.
And no one had told her.
In their bedchamber, Jane set a pillow and blanket on the floor next to the bed.
“Jane, I cannot allow you to sleep on the floor,” G said gallantly.
She smiled. “The pillow and blanket are for you, my lord.”
“No horse jokes," he said.
"My lord, I apologize for the horse joke. If you put down the book---unharmed!---I will give you a carrot."
He brandished the book at her. "Was that a horse joke?"
"Neigh."
"Was that a horse joke?”
“Dedication
For everyone who knows there was enough room for Leonardo DiCaprio on that door.
And for England. We’re really sorry for what we’re about to do to your history.”
"The fool thinks he is wise," G retorted. "But the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”
"My Lady, please! I am indecent."
"You are,"Jane agreed. "Not to mention the fact that you are also unclothed.”
And for England. We’re really sorry for what we’re about to do to your history.