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You're Not That Great:
A hilarious, scathing send up of the self-help genre in the bestselling tradition of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck from social media mogul and The Bachelor producer Elan Gale.
I am addicted to positivity. I am addicted to positivity. I am addicted to positivity.
I care more about feeling great than being great.
I am NOT THAT GREAT.
The self-help industry tells you that if you're positive, if you put your best foot forward and if you just believe in yourself that you will find happiness. Let's be real, you can read all the inspirational quotes you want. You can spend your days giving yourself affirmations in your heart-shaped mirror and trying to learn to love yourself. You can say your mantra over and over again while sitting cross-legged on a yoga mat in a Whole Foods parking lot. But the truth is, you're not a badass and you still don't have the life you want.
That's where You're Not That Great (but neither is anyone else) comes in. This book teaches you how to harness all the negativity in the world and use it to improve your life, taking everyday feelings like self-loathing, regret and shame and making them work for you. Positive thinking is for assholes. Negative thinking is for winners.
I am addicted to positivity. I am addicted to positivity. I am addicted to positivity.
I care more about feeling great than being great.
I am NOT THAT GREAT.
The self-help industry tells you that if you're positive, if you put your best foot forward and if you just believe in yourself that you will find happiness. Let's be real, you can read all the inspirational quotes you want. You can spend your days giving yourself affirmations in your heart-shaped mirror and trying to learn to love yourself. You can say your mantra over and over again while sitting cross-legged on a yoga mat in a Whole Foods parking lot. But the truth is, you're not a badass and you still don't have the life you want.
That's where You're Not That Great (but neither is anyone else) comes in. This book teaches you how to harness all the negativity in the world and use it to improve your life, taking everyday feelings like self-loathing, regret and shame and making them work for you. Positive thinking is for assholes. Negative thinking is for winners.
192 pages, Hardcover
First published December 5, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 170 reviews
February 13, 2018
I'm of two minds about this book.
On one hand, I agree with a lot of what the author says: The positivity movement is weirdly condescending, fluffs peoples' egos beyond belief, and does make some people incredibly hyper-sensitive to criticism. I agree that there are some people who are so desperate for positivity and compliments and ego-fluffing that they overshare on social media or constantly seek validation from others.
I also greatly agreed with the idea that criticism and some degree of negativity are necessary for people to change and make themselves better; and that there are people who, when they say to "be positive" or "not negative", mean "please don't ever criticize me ever, and if you do, you're the bad guy".
The author made good points. The positivity movement has gone too far in a lot of ways, to the point where it's a detriment to people who rely to heavily on it.
But I didn't agree with everything, and there's a reason for that.
I'm a middle-ground person. I don't like extremes. That's part of the reason why the positivity movement makes me nauseous: I can't stand the constant, patronizing ego-boosting and the villainization of anyone who says anything remotely critical.
But I'm also not fond of people who use "I'm just being honest" as a shorthand for "if I've offended you because I said something really blunt, then you're just a baby who needs to get over themselves."
Like, in the beginning: Yes, there are parents who go way too far in protecting their children's feelings. But see, here's the thing: Every example used as a criticism (complimenting a child's sub-par drawing, celebrating because they used the toilet correctly) was just... I mean, its not portrayed very honestly?
As an adult, we look at a kid's drawing and go "Wow, that's terrible", because we're adults and we have a standard for art that's well-done and art that's not. I mean- what, do you expect your five year-old to be a Marvel cartoonist? Of course their drawing looks bad to an adult! THEY'RE FIVE! There is a DEVELOPMENT process that occurs with children: They don't come out of the womb painting like Monet!
It's called Positive Reinforcement. When a kid hears "Hey, you did a good job", it encourages them to keep doing it. And as they keep doing it, they begin to touch up on things: The stick-figure becomes more human-like, the dog gets spots and a collar instead of just being a blob on the page. A reasonable amount of positive reinforcement is what encourages kids to keep trying instead of giving up. It's the same thing with toilet-training: You give them positive feedback when they do it right because you WANT THEM TO KEEP DOING IT THAT WAY.
One of the things that bugged me in this book is that the author seems to willfully ignore or misinterpret basic things so he could make it out to be "THE CULT OF POSITIVITY GONE MAD". The stuff I mentioned above is BASIC SHIT for raising kids who don't want to kill themselves when they're teenagers; and you can spin it however you want, but if you tell a five year-old their drawing sucks, then you are an asshole of a person.
The author, I think in chapter two, says that negative reinforcement is what puts fire under you and encourages you to change- i.e. people telling you you're not good enough, that you'll never be anything, that you're worthless.
And see, for some people, that does work. But it doesn't work for everyone.
There are people who think that calling someone who's overweight a fat slob and making oinking sounds at them is "motivation" to make them lose weight. And there are people who have lost weight who say that that sort of harassment encouraged them to lose weight. But there are even more people who say that that sort of criticism pushes them into a depression and makes them eat even worse.
The author is pushing this idea that one-size fits all; and he doesn't seem especially interested in drawing a distinction between "criticism" and "actual, literal assholery".
At one point in the book he gives an example of someone who asks you how they look in their pants; and he implies that if the "honest" answer is "you look like crap" and the asker responds badly to that, then it's just their over-sensitivity coming out.
But... God, I'm sorry, but there's this thing called tact that you are more than capable of using if you want to answer a question honestly. If you say "how do these pants look on me" and someone responds with "you look like crap" then they're being a dick. There are people who use "I'm just being honest" as an excuse to be an asshole, and they really love playing it like anyone who reacts badly to them is just over-sensitive and can't take criticism.
Like I said before, there is a middle-ground. You can be honest without being a gigantic dick, and you can be positive about things without being completely unable to take any sort of criticism.
No matter how honest it is, not every piece of criticism you receive is valid. The author thinks you should take everything the 'haters' say about you and make yourself better- and THEN, after you have, you can tell them to fuck off if they're still coming after you.
But please, enlighten me- at what point do you know that you are the best person you can be? At what point do you stop, take a realistic look at yourself, and say, "Okay, look, I'm never going to be everything that these people say I SHOULD be, so I think maybe I need to start finding satisfaction with what I am now"? Because let me tell you: Opinions are like assholes, because everyone has them. And if you think being the "most amazing person ever" will stop the 'haters' from tearing you a new one, then trust me, you're in for a shock. Someone will ALWAYS find fault with who and what you are, and there IS value in putting your foot down and saying, "Okay, enough of this, I am actually okay the way I am and y'all can go to hell."
The problem is that this book pushes the opposite extreme of the positivity movement: It's pushing this idea that negativity is the ONLY way you can change yourself for the better, and that by indulging in any sort of positivity (because, you know, god forbid anybody have a shitty life and maybe want something good every now and then) is going to destroy you.
It plays this idea that 'positivity' does not encourage you to work harder or make yourself better, but instead to accept mediocrity- which I disagree with on the idea that what counts as 'positivity' for one person could be very different for someone else. You don't know what kind of 'positivity' a person could be embracing: It could be 'hey, I have a great job that I love, and even if it doesn't make me a millionaire I'm happy where I am' or 'hey, I may not be a supermodel, but I have a spouse who thinks I'm gorgeous and I don't feel the need to change my body to fit a standard'. Is that so damaging?
And also, there's this idea that if you take in ALL the negativity and criticism that you can, you will eventually evolve into something amazing. Because clearly our society is not full of people back-stabbing each other to get to the top so they can be the best, or people who drive themselves crazy and make themselves sick trying to be perfect.
Which... Is honestly just as dishonest as the extreme stuff the positivity movement pushes.
On one hand, I agree with a lot of what the author says: The positivity movement is weirdly condescending, fluffs peoples' egos beyond belief, and does make some people incredibly hyper-sensitive to criticism. I agree that there are some people who are so desperate for positivity and compliments and ego-fluffing that they overshare on social media or constantly seek validation from others.
I also greatly agreed with the idea that criticism and some degree of negativity are necessary for people to change and make themselves better; and that there are people who, when they say to "be positive" or "not negative", mean "please don't ever criticize me ever, and if you do, you're the bad guy".
The author made good points. The positivity movement has gone too far in a lot of ways, to the point where it's a detriment to people who rely to heavily on it.
But I didn't agree with everything, and there's a reason for that.
I'm a middle-ground person. I don't like extremes. That's part of the reason why the positivity movement makes me nauseous: I can't stand the constant, patronizing ego-boosting and the villainization of anyone who says anything remotely critical.
But I'm also not fond of people who use "I'm just being honest" as a shorthand for "if I've offended you because I said something really blunt, then you're just a baby who needs to get over themselves."
Like, in the beginning: Yes, there are parents who go way too far in protecting their children's feelings. But see, here's the thing: Every example used as a criticism (complimenting a child's sub-par drawing, celebrating because they used the toilet correctly) was just... I mean, its not portrayed very honestly?
As an adult, we look at a kid's drawing and go "Wow, that's terrible", because we're adults and we have a standard for art that's well-done and art that's not. I mean- what, do you expect your five year-old to be a Marvel cartoonist? Of course their drawing looks bad to an adult! THEY'RE FIVE! There is a DEVELOPMENT process that occurs with children: They don't come out of the womb painting like Monet!
It's called Positive Reinforcement. When a kid hears "Hey, you did a good job", it encourages them to keep doing it. And as they keep doing it, they begin to touch up on things: The stick-figure becomes more human-like, the dog gets spots and a collar instead of just being a blob on the page. A reasonable amount of positive reinforcement is what encourages kids to keep trying instead of giving up. It's the same thing with toilet-training: You give them positive feedback when they do it right because you WANT THEM TO KEEP DOING IT THAT WAY.
One of the things that bugged me in this book is that the author seems to willfully ignore or misinterpret basic things so he could make it out to be "THE CULT OF POSITIVITY GONE MAD". The stuff I mentioned above is BASIC SHIT for raising kids who don't want to kill themselves when they're teenagers; and you can spin it however you want, but if you tell a five year-old their drawing sucks, then you are an asshole of a person.
The author, I think in chapter two, says that negative reinforcement is what puts fire under you and encourages you to change- i.e. people telling you you're not good enough, that you'll never be anything, that you're worthless.
And see, for some people, that does work. But it doesn't work for everyone.
There are people who think that calling someone who's overweight a fat slob and making oinking sounds at them is "motivation" to make them lose weight. And there are people who have lost weight who say that that sort of harassment encouraged them to lose weight. But there are even more people who say that that sort of criticism pushes them into a depression and makes them eat even worse.
The author is pushing this idea that one-size fits all; and he doesn't seem especially interested in drawing a distinction between "criticism" and "actual, literal assholery".
At one point in the book he gives an example of someone who asks you how they look in their pants; and he implies that if the "honest" answer is "you look like crap" and the asker responds badly to that, then it's just their over-sensitivity coming out.
But... God, I'm sorry, but there's this thing called tact that you are more than capable of using if you want to answer a question honestly. If you say "how do these pants look on me" and someone responds with "you look like crap" then they're being a dick. There are people who use "I'm just being honest" as an excuse to be an asshole, and they really love playing it like anyone who reacts badly to them is just over-sensitive and can't take criticism.
Like I said before, there is a middle-ground. You can be honest without being a gigantic dick, and you can be positive about things without being completely unable to take any sort of criticism.
No matter how honest it is, not every piece of criticism you receive is valid. The author thinks you should take everything the 'haters' say about you and make yourself better- and THEN, after you have, you can tell them to fuck off if they're still coming after you.
But please, enlighten me- at what point do you know that you are the best person you can be? At what point do you stop, take a realistic look at yourself, and say, "Okay, look, I'm never going to be everything that these people say I SHOULD be, so I think maybe I need to start finding satisfaction with what I am now"? Because let me tell you: Opinions are like assholes, because everyone has them. And if you think being the "most amazing person ever" will stop the 'haters' from tearing you a new one, then trust me, you're in for a shock. Someone will ALWAYS find fault with who and what you are, and there IS value in putting your foot down and saying, "Okay, enough of this, I am actually okay the way I am and y'all can go to hell."
The problem is that this book pushes the opposite extreme of the positivity movement: It's pushing this idea that negativity is the ONLY way you can change yourself for the better, and that by indulging in any sort of positivity (because, you know, god forbid anybody have a shitty life and maybe want something good every now and then) is going to destroy you.
It plays this idea that 'positivity' does not encourage you to work harder or make yourself better, but instead to accept mediocrity- which I disagree with on the idea that what counts as 'positivity' for one person could be very different for someone else. You don't know what kind of 'positivity' a person could be embracing: It could be 'hey, I have a great job that I love, and even if it doesn't make me a millionaire I'm happy where I am' or 'hey, I may not be a supermodel, but I have a spouse who thinks I'm gorgeous and I don't feel the need to change my body to fit a standard'. Is that so damaging?
And also, there's this idea that if you take in ALL the negativity and criticism that you can, you will eventually evolve into something amazing. Because clearly our society is not full of people back-stabbing each other to get to the top so they can be the best, or people who drive themselves crazy and make themselves sick trying to be perfect.
Which... Is honestly just as dishonest as the extreme stuff the positivity movement pushes.
November 23, 2017
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I snagged a copy of this ARC because the title made me laugh and I loved the paradox of the snappy, sarcastic title against the baby pink cover. "Mean" can sometimes be funny, as evidenced by the movie Mean Girls, and sometimes we all need a reality check. I was expecting something tongue-in-cheek, sarcastic, witty. Your best-frenemy-for-ever as she channels her inner-Dorothy Parker while sipping on mimosas at your favorite cafe.
Instead I got... something else.
First, I understand why people are not totally on board with "positivity." It gets a bum-rap in the media, and its advocates are portrayed as irresponsible hippies or culturally appropriating phonies with no drive, who spend all their time smoking pot or meditating. This is NOT an accurate representation, however, and while this book appears to have been created to take cheap shots at self-help books like The Secret, and pop psychology books like Flow, it operates on the assumption that "happy" people are delusional people who aren't grounded in reality.
YOU'RE NOT THAT GREAT is bitter and misanthropic. It encourages unhappiness, seems to suggest that you should wallow in it, and angst, hate, despise, sulk, and seethe freely. There were some passages I agreed with - the part about accepting the anxiety of your future and using that anxiety to propel yourself into action when it comes to accomplishing as much as you can before your own inevitable demise, for example. Death is uncomfortable but it happens to us all, and in a way, it's the driving force behind creativity and insight, because if we lived forever, we might all just become a bunch of dull, indolent vampires passing the days away in an endless malaise.
The part about the author's mother getting cancer and her recovery was also quite touching, and portrayed - bitingly real - insights about the pain of recovery and how much of it relies on luck as much as fortitude, and how difficult it is to be brave in suffering. Although that was the point of no return for me as well - when I realized that I wasn't getting Dorothy Parker so much as Ernest Hemingway.
And you know, I get it. I used to side-eye happy people too. I thought they were a bunch of fake, cultish people eating up their own lies like it was the most delicious thing they had ever tasted. And to some extent, Elan Gale has a point: being mindlessly, foolishly happy isn't a good way to live your life. That was one of the cautionary aspects of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World; unhappiness keeps society from stagnating; it can trigger change; it keeps pleasure from becoming a dull, drugged haze. But true positivity isn't about that - it's about learning to accept yourself, flaws and all, minimizing stress, and embarking upon the endless, and yes, sometimes futile, struggle of self-betterment.
I couldn't really get on board with this book. But maybe darker souls than I will find it funny.
Thanks to Netgalley/the publisher for the review copy!
1 star
December 6, 2017
A not-very-well-written book about a great way of living that gets repetitive around page 50. At 179 pages, it could’ve been way shorter and just as effective.
May 5, 2018
I’m not entirely sure what I was expecting out of a motivational book authored by a producer on The Bachelor. In the hands of someone struggling with a mental health issue, this could be a very dangerous book. The concepts in it aren’t altogether wrong, but the way they are packaged and presented might be quite triggering. The basic concept is that we need to be motivated to greatness through negativity; positivity only motivates us to mediocrity. Hm. What exactly is the author’s background on this topic, just years of manipulating people on a TV show? What about evidence based approaches, like learning and behavior techniques, such as positive reinforcement?
Despite all that I do agree with *some* of what he says, like how the phrase “everything happens for a reason” is garbage. Again, it’s just the *way* he is saying these things that can be dangerous in the wrong hands. As a therapist, I believe there’s a happy medium between an approach that is all happy/sunshine/unrealistic and doom and gloom negativity. This is much too extreme for me.
Despite all that I do agree with *some* of what he says, like how the phrase “everything happens for a reason” is garbage. Again, it’s just the *way* he is saying these things that can be dangerous in the wrong hands. As a therapist, I believe there’s a happy medium between an approach that is all happy/sunshine/unrealistic and doom and gloom negativity. This is much too extreme for me.
March 17, 2018
You’re not that great was maybe... not so great 🤷🏼♀️
January 18, 2021
Don't read this if you're depressed. Or healthy. Or yknow what, just don't read it. I thought it would be fun and cynical, but it was depressing, borderline abusive (to self?), and cynical. I, too, dislike toxic positivity and vague self-help nonsense, but this was just sad at best and actually pretty dangerous in the hands of someone struggling with mental health at worst.
May 25, 2019
The only self-help book worth reading, in my opinion. Aside from being hysterical and honest, it’s also incredibly relevant and insightful. It’s tough love in the best way and the most inspiring book that ever insulted me.
February 7, 2018
There were some great points in here! In some ways it was a valid and needed personal (and societal!) call out. That being said, the author verges on unkind to people who do not meet his standards of success and strikes me as still growing in his own ability to be both self-reflective, self-improving, and content/fulfilled - he hints at this at the end.
Some components were incredible - laugh out loud funny (the part about the hand on the hot stove had me in stitches and really illustrated his point well) but some were weak, poorly-put together, judgmental, and gimmicky. There really are people in this world who strive for what Gale calls "a mediocre live" and find it THEIR personal success. And they are generally enthusiastic and fulfilled and chugging along towards their own indicators - this is okay and good and healthy! He seems like he's learning this (and consistently writes "don't get me wrong, I'm NOT doing this") but it's fairly apparent that he is and hasn't fully internalized it yet.
ALSO ANOTHER THING wow for someone who is very publicly feminist/anti-Trump/supportive of the women he works with, the use of "make xxx your bitch" and other gendered language really struck me as inconsistent, unnecessary, and an example of him not following his own directive to challenge himself to be better.
Sum: interesting, quick read, etc etc but the author needs to understand 1. you can motivate yourself without hating yourself (i.e. you can dislike and actively work on certain traits you have without disavowing self-love) and 2. you can motivate others without judging them (i.e. figure out what THEY want and don't assume they are complacent because they aren't breaking their back for a singular One Goal - they could be actively and consciously choosing to live the way they are).
Some components were incredible - laugh out loud funny (the part about the hand on the hot stove had me in stitches and really illustrated his point well) but some were weak, poorly-put together, judgmental, and gimmicky. There really are people in this world who strive for what Gale calls "a mediocre live" and find it THEIR personal success. And they are generally enthusiastic and fulfilled and chugging along towards their own indicators - this is okay and good and healthy! He seems like he's learning this (and consistently writes "don't get me wrong, I'm NOT doing this") but it's fairly apparent that he is and hasn't fully internalized it yet.
ALSO ANOTHER THING wow for someone who is very publicly feminist/anti-Trump/supportive of the women he works with, the use of "make xxx your bitch" and other gendered language really struck me as inconsistent, unnecessary, and an example of him not following his own directive to challenge himself to be better.
Sum: interesting, quick read, etc etc but the author needs to understand 1. you can motivate yourself without hating yourself (i.e. you can dislike and actively work on certain traits you have without disavowing self-love) and 2. you can motivate others without judging them (i.e. figure out what THEY want and don't assume they are complacent because they aren't breaking their back for a singular One Goal - they could be actively and consciously choosing to live the way they are).
January 25, 2019
Bu kitap, olumlama ve pozitif düşünme dürtüsünün kişisel gelişimimiz için olumsuz yanlarına değiniyor. Biraz sert ama mizahi bir dille.
Kitabın pozitivizm bağımlılığı olarak bahsettiği şey ve zararı ne peki?
Olumlu düşünme, sizi ‘mevcut gerçekliğinizden’ uzaklaştıracak boyutlara geldiğinde zararlı olabilir. Yazar, ‘o kadar da harika değilsiniz’ derken varlığınızı olduğu gibi kabullenmek, mükemmel olmayan duygularınızı ve kusurlarınızı da sahiplenmek hayatınız için daha faydalı sonuçlar doğurur demek istiyor.
Kitabın, Polyannacılık fışkıran kişisel gelişim kitapları arasından farklı bakış açısı ve ‘alışmadığımız’ söylemleriyle sıyrıldığını düşünüyorum. Keyifle bir solukta okudum.
Kitabın pozitivizm bağımlılığı olarak bahsettiği şey ve zararı ne peki?
Olumlu düşünme, sizi ‘mevcut gerçekliğinizden’ uzaklaştıracak boyutlara geldiğinde zararlı olabilir. Yazar, ‘o kadar da harika değilsiniz’ derken varlığınızı olduğu gibi kabullenmek, mükemmel olmayan duygularınızı ve kusurlarınızı da sahiplenmek hayatınız için daha faydalı sonuçlar doğurur demek istiyor.
Kitabın, Polyannacılık fışkıran kişisel gelişim kitapları arasından farklı bakış açısı ve ‘alışmadığımız’ söylemleriyle sıyrıldığını düşünüyorum. Keyifle bir solukta okudum.
December 12, 2018
This is probably the worst self-help book I've ever read, and I've been through a number of them. The author isn't original, funny, wise, or redeemable - he's just an asshole. Avoid this rage-ridden garbage like the plague.
January 25, 2018
I really enjoyed this book because it's no nonsense good advice. And I relate to it because all of my life I have felt the need to convince everyone that I am worthy of being here! The premise that the things that make us not so great are indeed the things that make us strive to be great is not new to me but Elan in his matter of fact tone brings a level of authenticity to the topic that just blew me away. Working in HR, I am asked often for a book on personal development. Going forward, this will be the first book I recommend each and every time! I really took my time with this book and used the notes feature in my Kindle. I love that I can go back an reference parts that really inspired me!
March 2, 2018
Fucking brutal. This book was nothing like the fluffy self-help books I've been reading. It was uncomfortable and real. Maybe not for everyone, but I really appreciated the honestly and truth as well as a different viewpoint on life and how to succeed and get past anxiety and self-doubt.
May 16, 2018
Elan cracks me up - but I disagree with his thoughts on the topic. That didn’t keep me from laughing though. Also, I’m glad I read it. It’s important to read what others are thinking even when you don’t agree. His language may not be everyone’s taste, but it had me laughing.
November 12, 2018
كتاب محفز بطريقة تكسير المقاديف
اول مرة بقرآ هيك نوع من التحفيز وتخيلت اني رح وقف بعد اول صفحة ، لكن اسلوب الكاتب بشد وكان بوقته الصحيح جدا لالي
بنصح فيه
اول مرة بقرآ هيك نوع من التحفيز وتخيلت اني رح وقف بعد اول صفحة ، لكن اسلوب الكاتب بشد وكان بوقته الصحيح جدا لالي
بنصح فيه
May 3, 2021
Don't even bother 🙃
January 9, 2018
This has one of the most hilarious and completely true opening sections that I have ever read. It was so dead on that I was in tears and ready to apologize to both of my parents. Giving you more detail would only ruin the moment for you, so I won't. It really brought things into perspective with parental relations though and for that, every reader should be at least a bit grateful, especially to their mother.
The laughter and honesty keep coming in the following chapters and freakishly, it's often dead on, like one of those comics that has you nodding your head in agreement as you laugh.
There are also major nuggets of gold here to use for those that are in the market. It's true, you're not that great, but neither is anyone else and you can do better if you acknowledge your flaws and quit the self-defeating mantras that we all have almost hardwired into our heads from day one.
I want to avoid giving spoilers because Gale's work is valuable and so damn entertaining in situ. However, there is a specific market for this self-help book and it wasn't me. It's all about using those negative emotions you have to work for you and that makes so much sense unless you have a mental illness and these very negative emotions are the ones holding you back.
Let me give you an example so that you can see the difference and hopefully decide for yourself. You are dealing with something very common among all people, stage fright, before a speech, event, or even sharing your great idea at a meeting. It's a wonderful idea to throw a lasso around that anxiety and use it as your energy to make your move and deliver that great speech, idea, etc.
However, if you have been actually diagnosed with Anxiety by a mental health professional, you are probably so damn crippled that you can't get out of your jammies and bunny slippers or maybe even open your door. There is a difference, that doesn't make the book useless to those of us with actual anxiety, it's solutions are only less useful. The premise is still dead on for us all, we are not that great but no one else is either. That's actually a vital thing for those of us to realize that have any sort of mental illness, we always feel alone and "other". We are and at the same time, we aren't. Everybody sucks, they just do it in their own unique way. (I should trademark that phrase if possible!)
While the ending chapters were sort of a let down for me, the sort of person with an actual mental illness, there were still some golden nuggets and so much humor about it all that it was indeed useful. He even included a couple of quotes in his epilogue that totally disagree with his premise and that's brave as well as helpful for those other people like me.
So, would I buy it for everyone? No, I would buy it for many if not most though, which is saying a lot. Besides the mental health issue, I would shy away from those that are more into clean humor and writing because while I don't' remember any actual cussing, it is fairly irreverent and in your face and I can think of a few people that I attended Catholic school with that wouldn't see it's humor or appreciate it.
The bonus is that it's short, doesn't have any time-consuming worksheets and yet the humor of it keeps it fresh in your mind for a while.
The laughter and honesty keep coming in the following chapters and freakishly, it's often dead on, like one of those comics that has you nodding your head in agreement as you laugh.
There are also major nuggets of gold here to use for those that are in the market. It's true, you're not that great, but neither is anyone else and you can do better if you acknowledge your flaws and quit the self-defeating mantras that we all have almost hardwired into our heads from day one.
I want to avoid giving spoilers because Gale's work is valuable and so damn entertaining in situ. However, there is a specific market for this self-help book and it wasn't me. It's all about using those negative emotions you have to work for you and that makes so much sense unless you have a mental illness and these very negative emotions are the ones holding you back.
Let me give you an example so that you can see the difference and hopefully decide for yourself. You are dealing with something very common among all people, stage fright, before a speech, event, or even sharing your great idea at a meeting. It's a wonderful idea to throw a lasso around that anxiety and use it as your energy to make your move and deliver that great speech, idea, etc.
However, if you have been actually diagnosed with Anxiety by a mental health professional, you are probably so damn crippled that you can't get out of your jammies and bunny slippers or maybe even open your door. There is a difference, that doesn't make the book useless to those of us with actual anxiety, it's solutions are only less useful. The premise is still dead on for us all, we are not that great but no one else is either. That's actually a vital thing for those of us to realize that have any sort of mental illness, we always feel alone and "other". We are and at the same time, we aren't. Everybody sucks, they just do it in their own unique way. (I should trademark that phrase if possible!)
While the ending chapters were sort of a let down for me, the sort of person with an actual mental illness, there were still some golden nuggets and so much humor about it all that it was indeed useful. He even included a couple of quotes in his epilogue that totally disagree with his premise and that's brave as well as helpful for those other people like me.
So, would I buy it for everyone? No, I would buy it for many if not most though, which is saying a lot. Besides the mental health issue, I would shy away from those that are more into clean humor and writing because while I don't' remember any actual cussing, it is fairly irreverent and in your face and I can think of a few people that I attended Catholic school with that wouldn't see it's humor or appreciate it.
The bonus is that it's short, doesn't have any time-consuming worksheets and yet the humor of it keeps it fresh in your mind for a while.
January 9, 2018
“We live in a world of contentment, mediocrity, and average people who think they’re excellent.”
-- Elan Gale, You’re Not That Great
Elan Gale is straightforward and refuses to coddle anyone in his new book, You’re Not That Great (but neither is anyone else). This book teaches you how to use all the negativity around you to better improve your life. It teaches you how to take everyday feelings such as hate, regret, and shame and make them work for you. Gale provides plenty of examples of everything that he is trying to teach you. There are also quotes from several different successful people that explain how they used their negative emotions to drive that success. We all have issues, why not make them work for us?
“Positivity isn’t the cure. It’s the disease.”
-- Elan Gale, You’re Not That Great
Positivity is like a drug, it’s addictive. Studies have shown that compliments release dopamine causing you to feel pleasure, but is extremely addictive. Positivity is great at first, but you will eventually become dependent upon it.
“There’s a lot of power in having other people dislike you. There is a lot of power in having other people not believe in you. There is a lot of power in people telling you that you’re never going to be the things you want to be.”
--Elan Gale, You’re Not That Great
Honestly, I didn’t know this was a self-help book when I decided to read it. I just thought it had a funny title. Gale’s use of vulgar language definitely separates this book from other self-help books, but no less accurate. I enjoyed reading this book far more than I thought I was going to. Gale makes everything easily relatable by providing his own experiences with using his negative emotions to succeed. I definitely feel like I have learned something from this book.
“Don’t ignore the haters; use the haters to make yourself better, constantly evolving, constantly changing, until you’re so much ****** better than they ever imagined you could be.”
-- Elan Gale, You’re Not That Great
In some way, we all think we are great, which is not true, unfortunately. This will help you accept that and help you use your negativity to better yourself. I would recommend this book to anyone looking to better their lives.
“I am addicted to positivity. I am addicted to positivity. I am addicted to positivity, I care more about feeling great than being great. I am NOT THAT GREAT.”
-- Elan Gale, You’re Not That Great
Thank you, NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for an ARC copy of this book in return for an honest review.
-- Elan Gale, You’re Not That Great
Elan Gale is straightforward and refuses to coddle anyone in his new book, You’re Not That Great (but neither is anyone else). This book teaches you how to use all the negativity around you to better improve your life. It teaches you how to take everyday feelings such as hate, regret, and shame and make them work for you. Gale provides plenty of examples of everything that he is trying to teach you. There are also quotes from several different successful people that explain how they used their negative emotions to drive that success. We all have issues, why not make them work for us?
“Positivity isn’t the cure. It’s the disease.”
-- Elan Gale, You’re Not That Great
Positivity is like a drug, it’s addictive. Studies have shown that compliments release dopamine causing you to feel pleasure, but is extremely addictive. Positivity is great at first, but you will eventually become dependent upon it.
“There’s a lot of power in having other people dislike you. There is a lot of power in having other people not believe in you. There is a lot of power in people telling you that you’re never going to be the things you want to be.”
--Elan Gale, You’re Not That Great
Honestly, I didn’t know this was a self-help book when I decided to read it. I just thought it had a funny title. Gale’s use of vulgar language definitely separates this book from other self-help books, but no less accurate. I enjoyed reading this book far more than I thought I was going to. Gale makes everything easily relatable by providing his own experiences with using his negative emotions to succeed. I definitely feel like I have learned something from this book.
“Don’t ignore the haters; use the haters to make yourself better, constantly evolving, constantly changing, until you’re so much ****** better than they ever imagined you could be.”
-- Elan Gale, You’re Not That Great
In some way, we all think we are great, which is not true, unfortunately. This will help you accept that and help you use your negativity to better yourself. I would recommend this book to anyone looking to better their lives.
“I am addicted to positivity. I am addicted to positivity. I am addicted to positivity, I care more about feeling great than being great. I am NOT THAT GREAT.”
-- Elan Gale, You’re Not That Great
Thank you, NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for an ARC copy of this book in return for an honest review.
March 3, 2018
As a book about self-improvement, this should really be reviewed on two axes: the writing/entertainment value and the advice.
The writing was a good time, at least as much as a book telling you you suck can be. Very readable, and in contrast to other reviewers, it's not especially long, weighing in at 192 pages. It did take me 3 weeks or so to finish, but that's really more about my reading habits getting worse as I get older and have less time.
The advice I have mixed feelings about. Others have said that they agree that "positivity culture," for lack of a better term, is out of control. I think that's probably true. Not everyone gets to be an astronaut. The prescription, however, I think is a bit extreme.
I actually find myself more in agreement with Gale than I thought I would. I've had some major self-improvements driven by negative emotions, and until then I had bought pretty heavily into the idea that I was fine, everyone should be who they are, and so on. I don't think negative self-perception is necessarily a bad thing, and you need to acknowledge the parts of you you don't like before you can fix them. But to fully embrace Gale's approach, you will basically need to be miserable all the time as you constantly fault-find within yourself. That's no way to live.
I think negativity is a good start, even a good middle, to self-improvement, but I think at some point you have to move past it to be happy. (Or maybe not. I have gained a bunch of weight back lately.) I don't think there is a lot of point to doing all this work to improve yourself if you never allow yourself to enjoy the fruits of that labor. Gale seems to address this a bit in the very final chapter, with a couple of quotes from people he interviewed for the book, but it is given very short shrift compared to the rest of the book.
The writing was a good time, at least as much as a book telling you you suck can be. Very readable, and in contrast to other reviewers, it's not especially long, weighing in at 192 pages. It did take me 3 weeks or so to finish, but that's really more about my reading habits getting worse as I get older and have less time.
The advice I have mixed feelings about. Others have said that they agree that "positivity culture," for lack of a better term, is out of control. I think that's probably true. Not everyone gets to be an astronaut. The prescription, however, I think is a bit extreme.
I actually find myself more in agreement with Gale than I thought I would. I've had some major self-improvements driven by negative emotions, and until then I had bought pretty heavily into the idea that I was fine, everyone should be who they are, and so on. I don't think negative self-perception is necessarily a bad thing, and you need to acknowledge the parts of you you don't like before you can fix them. But to fully embrace Gale's approach, you will basically need to be miserable all the time as you constantly fault-find within yourself. That's no way to live.
I think negativity is a good start, even a good middle, to self-improvement, but I think at some point you have to move past it to be happy. (Or maybe not. I have gained a bunch of weight back lately.) I don't think there is a lot of point to doing all this work to improve yourself if you never allow yourself to enjoy the fruits of that labor. Gale seems to address this a bit in the very final chapter, with a couple of quotes from people he interviewed for the book, but it is given very short shrift compared to the rest of the book.
April 16, 2024
This is legitimately one of the best self-help books I’ve ever read, and it’s now one of my favorites. I can’t remember how I came across it, but I think I was searching for “tough love self-help books”, and fortunately, this was on one of the lists. If you don’t respond well to tough love, then this book isn’t for you. Personally, I need a solid kick in the pants to motivate me, and that’s exactly what this book does in both a hilarious and compassionate way.
I had no clue who Elan Gale was, but he’s a writer and producer of some major hit TV shows. In short Elan’s philosophy is that positive thinking is the exact wrong way to get your act together and stay motivated. He argues that negative feelings are the best driving force you can have. He’s open and honest about his own life in a hilarious and self-depricating way while also explaining to you why you aren’t special nor great.
Throughout the book, he breaks you down to humble you and then gives you some awesome tools to get motivated and accomplish the things you want through hard work. He also interviewed some actors and authors for the book, so you get to hear how they use negative emotions to motivate them as well.
I loved this book oh so much, and it’s definitely going to be a go-to book for me moving forward when I’m in self-pity and need some motivation. I read this book within in a couple of hours because I loved it and it’s a short read. The man packs so much wisdom in such a short book. I definitely recommend it if you’re into the tough love.
I had no clue who Elan Gale was, but he’s a writer and producer of some major hit TV shows. In short Elan’s philosophy is that positive thinking is the exact wrong way to get your act together and stay motivated. He argues that negative feelings are the best driving force you can have. He’s open and honest about his own life in a hilarious and self-depricating way while also explaining to you why you aren’t special nor great.
Throughout the book, he breaks you down to humble you and then gives you some awesome tools to get motivated and accomplish the things you want through hard work. He also interviewed some actors and authors for the book, so you get to hear how they use negative emotions to motivate them as well.
I loved this book oh so much, and it’s definitely going to be a go-to book for me moving forward when I’m in self-pity and need some motivation. I read this book within in a couple of hours because I loved it and it’s a short read. The man packs so much wisdom in such a short book. I definitely recommend it if you’re into the tough love.
March 28, 2018
I listened to half of this audio and decided to not to finish.
This book came on my radar through one of the podcasts I listen to with former contestants on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. The author is a Bachelor producer, so this book gets my “bachelor nation” tag.
This is a non-traditional self help book... it’s very odd with crass language and harsh delivery. I tried to give it a chance since the concept appealed to me, but I just couldn’t waste time on something with this negative energy.
Thanks to San Diego County Library for the digital audio version via OverDrive.
[Audio: 3 hours, 51 minutes]
This book came on my radar through one of the podcasts I listen to with former contestants on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. The author is a Bachelor producer, so this book gets my “bachelor nation” tag.
This is a non-traditional self help book... it’s very odd with crass language and harsh delivery. I tried to give it a chance since the concept appealed to me, but I just couldn’t waste time on something with this negative energy.
Thanks to San Diego County Library for the digital audio version via OverDrive.
[Audio: 3 hours, 51 minutes]
April 26, 2018
"You're Not That Great" was just that...not great. I felt belittled by someone who really has no place to belittle but I guess that's the point of the book. I'm not a person who relishes in positivity and I certainly understand the power of motivation through negative emotions but Gale doesn't present any evidence that this is more powerful than positivity. He just throws obscenities at you and tells you you suck in the hope that you'll find some inspiration in that...not that he cares, as he makes clear...
July 21, 2019
This book is not that great. It's okay, and I agreed with most of the points. But, there must be some middle ground between participation trophies for every incompetence and a need to fall completely into failure and despair. Can't some people just realize big goals take big, coordinated efforts? I'd argue yes. Why invite so much negativity and hate in your heart when what you really need is to realize you aren't the be all end all of anything, and if you want to succeed at something, work hard at it, harder than everyone else.
February 2, 2024
The anti motivational book that had some good points but also plays fast and loose with mental health and addiction..
February 17, 2018
Easy to read and some great points to encourage to not be so damn precious. A bit repetitive, but no need to take it all too seriously. Lots of it was very refreshing to read.
August 12, 2022
Great read, but may not be for all. 🙃
January 21, 2018
I’m not really a big fan of self-help books, even ironic ones, but this one is witty and well presented. Still, while I generally support anything that opposes the positive thinking movement, I can’t deal with the bitterness and rapacity of Gale’s worldview. Followed literally, this book would be a recipe for libertarianism and sociopathy.
December 11, 2018
So much negativity. I didn't like it.
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February 14, 2018I liked Elan Gale's appearance on Sam Sanders' podcast. This was LOL to read while unemployed.
February 13, 2018
I love Elan Gale so I had to give this a shot. It really did open my eyes to a different way of thinking- a lot of his stories really resonated with me. It was a bit repetitive at times.
August 24, 2018
sometimes you just need a book to kick you in the ass but make you laugh all at the same time
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