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Everything You Ever Wanted

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You wake up. You go to work. You don't go outside for twelve hours at a time. You have strategy meetings about how to use hashtags. After work you order expensive drink after expensive drink until you're so blackout drunk you can't remember the circumstances which have led you to waking up in bed with your colleague. The next day you stay in bed until the afternoon, scrolling through your social media feeds and wondering why everyone else seems to be achieving so much.

Sometimes you don't get out of bed at all.

Then you hear about Life on Nyx, a programme that allows 100 lucky winners the chance to escape it all, move to another planet and establish a new way of life. One with meaning and purpose. One without Instagram and online dating. There's one caveat: if you go, you can never come back.

But you aren't worried about that.

After all, what on Earth could there possibly be to miss?

272 pages, Paperback

First published June 27, 2019

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About the author

Luiza Sauma

4 books114 followers
Luiza Sauma was born in Rio de Janeiro and grew up in London, where she still lives. She is the author of two novels, Flesh and Bone and Water and Everything You Ever Wanted. The latter was shortlisted for the Encore Award and recommended by Florence Welch's book club, Between Two Books. Luiza has written for the Guardian, the Telegraph, the Independent and others. She has an MA in Creative and Life Writing from Goldsmiths, where she won the Pat Kavanagh Award.

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5 stars
1,129 (18%)
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3 stars
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 872 reviews
Profile Image for maggie.
71 reviews51 followers
March 7, 2022
i literally finished this book in less than a day. this story is such a hopeful commentary on the simple joys that life can bring and how human beings take such things for granted. i not realize how much you can miss something only once it's gone. with this story's unique and emotional flares, i can feel my soul getting a little bit lighter. i think i'm gonna go for a walk just to feel the sun on my skin.
Profile Image for Blair.
1,894 reviews5,438 followers
May 28, 2019
I wanted to read Everything You Ever Wanted from the moment I heard about it. It’s set in a slightly altered version of our reality in which a habitable planet, Nyx, has been discovered. Nyx is accessed via an underwater wormhole in the Pacific Ocean, and there’s no way back. The opening chapter quickly dispenses with these details before moving on to the key fact that the new planet is also to be home to a Big Brother-esque TV series called Life on Nyx. 100 citizens of Earth will be selected to go to Nyx and start a new, self-sufficient community, and it will all be streamed 24/7. Our protagonist, Iris, will become one of the ‘lucky’ few to be chosen.

‘Reality show on another planet’ is such an irresistible hook that, if someone had told me more than half the book would be about Iris’s pre-Nyx life in London, I might have been put off. Yet that’s what I ended up liking most about it. Sauma brings Iris to life so brilliantly that I felt like I knew her and I was her, simultaneously. This is likely by design – Iris’s whole existence is a melange of elements that will be familiar to most urban twenty/thirtysomethings – but it’s executed very well. In particular, her mental health difficulties are skilfully handled.

It was comforting to know that there was a limit to her madness... She didn’t see things, she didn't hear things, she had a job. She seemed like a normal person. All this pretending, performing, it was her life’s work.


The London segments of Everything You Ever Wanted reminded me a lot of Will Wiles’ Plume, except instead of being an alcoholic, Iris is depressed. Where Jack has ‘the Need’, Iris has ‘the Smog’. (I imagined Iris wandering the same London as Jack; I could easily picture them crossing paths.) Both books skewer 21st-century office culture with a ruthless ease, and just as Wiles writes an excoriating, horribly accurate account of alcoholism, Sauma is terrifyingly precise about depression.

Iris ate three types of cake, made small talk with various people and then walked back to her desk, feeling sick... She looked up at the ceiling and thought, for maybe the hundredth time that week: I could definitely hang myself off that light. What would they think when they found me?


The folly in Iris’s thinking is clear: she believes a new start on Nyx can wipe her clean and thus eliminate the Smog. She wants to believe the problem stems from various trappings of modern life – an essentially meaningless job, the ready availability of drugs and alcohol, social media – and not, you know, her brain. Ironically, some of those things facilitate Iris’s path to Life on Nyx: instead of seeing a doctor or therapist, she self-medicates with drugs bought online, meaning it’s easy to lie her way through health questions when she’s interviewed (by an AI) for the show.

I loved reading about Iris pre-Nyx and I loved reading about Life on Nyx, so I powered through most of the book happily, savouring Sauma’s great eye for detail and spot-on dialogue. The reason my rating isn’t higher is a certain development towards the end. I have an inbuilt bias against this particular type of development, but also, in this case it doesn’t add anything to the story. Nevertheless, I thought the ending itself was really strong, delivering a realistic denouement while preserving an inkling of hope.

I received an advance review copy of Everything You Ever Wanted from the publisher through NetGalley.

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Profile Image for Rebekah.
194 reviews15 followers
November 16, 2019
I saw a quote from Lydia Davis recently about the dangers of reading too much contemporary writing: "keep your reading of contemporaries in proportion—you do not want a steady diet of contemporary literature. You already belong to your time."

This perfectly sums up why I found this book so particularly unpalatable and unbearably depressing. It feels sometimes like all of contemporary writing is about the myriad ways in which women are still oppressed, demeaned, taken advantage of, violated, under capitalist society. About the drudgery and alienation of full-time work with no pay-off or progression, about the endless stress and anxiety that comes from living so precariously and so relentlessly.

Reading about it all can sometimes be too much.
4 reviews
February 5, 2021
I feel quite a lot like Iris reading this book. I thought that the switching between time points could be a fun way of contrasting life on Earth with life on Nyx, but that was abandoned pretty quickly. When I was reading about life on Earth I was dissatisfied and hoped that the book would become more interesting when the narrative moved on to Nyx. Then when the narrative moved on to Nyx I found myself thinking that maybe the parts back on Earth were more interesting.
Did the author do a great job describing the mindset and lifestyle of someone suffering from depression. Yes. Whoop-di-do. The parts of this book that could be engaging (the orthodox Jewish man's appearances, the concept of living your life as part of a television show that you can never see, being on an alien planet, Tara, the whispers, Norman, Elias, how a group of people could react to the circumstances of the show ending and not getting any new supplies) just sort of peter out. Really felt like we were at least heading towards an interesting twist ending, like "nuclear war has broken out on Earth and we're the last of humanity", or "it's an experiment and breaking out of the Hub means you can rejoin a functioning society". Nope! I don't know what Norman's reappearance was meant to accomplish, but the answer for me was "pretty much nothing." Weren't there supposed to be scientists living on Nyx? Why did they never show up, or anyone mention them or ask about them when the colony started shutting down? Why were the people of Earth fine with a reality show just letting a ton of people die by starvation because a TV show didn't get good ratings? Nobody in the book ever seemed to ask these questions. Really disappointing.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Casey Aonso.
143 reviews4,377 followers
October 25, 2021
i wouldn’t go into this expecting the story to focus so much on the concept of nyx being fully fleshed out and explored, it’s a lot more about the build up of someone’s motivation to leave everything/one they know and love behind and the aftermath of going through with it. then having to reach their own version of closure for those relationships even though they’re on a different planet and can never speak to those people again. very “the view from half way down”-y and while i did really ‘enjoy’ (in the sense that it was a really captivating and emotional story to read) this + it really resonated with me, a part of me regrets reading it lmao i feel SO SAD LMAO
October 5, 2019
*www.onewomansbbr.wordpress.com
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**2.5 stars**

Everything You've Ever Wanted by Luiza Sauma. (2019).

Iris feels like her life is meaningless: she wakes up, goes to work, has strategy meetings about hashtags, drinks heavily, ends up sleeping with a colleague. She scrolls through social media wondering why everyone else seems to be achieving so much. Then Iris hears about 'Life on Nyx'; the new reality show about humans living on another planet...

I thought the synopsis of this book sounded quite intriguing. Unfortunately, that's not how it really worked out for me. The majority of the book is about Iris's life leading up to her leaving for Nyx; backstory is essential however I think for me the main draw was hearing about Nyx so I would have liked more of that. On top of that, Iris just wasn't that interesting. She was an average female (although it was heavily implied she had depression) in her late twenties who wasn't really happy or satisfied in her life yet did nothing to change that aside from going to the extreme of deciding she wanted to leave the planet. Then on top of that, Nyx wasn't that interesting either! I don't know, I felt like this story had a lot of potential that it just never hit. It was engaging in some parts and then just lost it's thread along the way for me. I also didn't really understand the end either...
As always, this is just my personal opinion so don't hesitate to give it a go if the synopsis sounds good to you - plenty of readers have enjoyed this book.
Profile Image for Kemunto.
162 reviews42 followers
January 20, 2024
I was heavily invested. Iris and her world gripped me, I found myself taken by this book. I desperately hope for a happily ever after. I realise, now, the beauty of life… even though it’s not perfect, it’s all we have. The ending was… something. Now I’m confused and sad. This reminded me of Temporary except the main character, Iris, is deeply aware of her own sadness. She makes a poor decision to leave earth, for the planet Nyx, a place she can never leave, in hopes of living a newer, happier life.
I was heartbroken by Mona's cries. I wish the reality show aspect was either completely eliminated, or delved into much more. Quick depressing read, recommend it with a little caution.
Profile Image for Sarah.
1,233 reviews35 followers
May 26, 2019
It was the blurb quote from Sharlene Teo that attracted me to Everything You Ever Wanted, as well as the synopsis - Iris, a woman in her late 20s from London, auditions to move to another planet - Nyx - to participate in an experiment which will be streamed back to earth like a sort of Big Brother style reality tv show (sans challenges).

Unfortunately, however, the most engaging parts of the narrative were the flashbacks which take place before Iris leaves earth. We see Iris depressed, struggling to connect with people around her and doing a job she doesn't seem to have any passion for. She has a relationship with a colleague and parties a lot in attempts to fill the void she feels in her life.

The latter parts of the book focus only on Iris's time on Nyx and the events that unfold there. To say much more would get spoiler-y, but I found the scenes on Nyx boring and under explored. This setting had so much potential but fell flat for me, bordering on dull - I could sum up in a few sentences what took place over 50+ pages, and none of the themes were explored to nearly half the extent that they could have been.

Thank you Netgalley and Penguin Books UK for the advance copy, which was provided in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Maya Panika.
Author 1 book75 followers
July 24, 2019
You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.
Twenty-eight year old Iris is miserably unhappy with her very normal London life and her barely-tolerable on-off relationship. Disconnected from her family, getting drunk, having sex, living her life on social media, detached from anything solid or real and seeing no future. It’s a life I’ve read about a dozen times. It’s all very normal.
Except that Iris sees her dead father everywhere. She finds herself in places and doesn’t know how she got there. She takes drugs she buys on the internet. She appears to be on the edge of a breakdown, or even madness.
Iris wants to break away, find a new life. She wants so much more. So when she hears about Life on Nyx, the ultimate in reality TV, a Big Brotheresque show in which the ‘contestants’ are a group of humans, sent through a wormhole to the distant planet Nyx, to be observed by an online audience back on Earth, Iris makes the decision to apply.
The planet Nyx is a place of pink sand and eternal sunlight, with an apparently unbreathable atmosphere, a place where all human life must be lived in an artificial biosphere, which begs the question, why send humans there at all? No one appears to be engaged in any sort of research. The wormhole only works one way; it allows occasional communication with Earth, but once the person has passed through, they may never return.
Much of this story is extraordinarily absorbing. I wasn’t particularly interested in Iris’s everyday London life, her drinking and depression - a state she calls ‘The Smog’. She seemed a very shallow, self-absorbed, not especially compelling personally. The minutiae of her job, her sex and family life, were of little interest to me. The story becomes much more engaging once she makes the decision to throw everything away and try for Nyx.
Alas, once there, little changes for her. Iris’s story slowly turns into a prison tale, a goldfish existence, as Iris tries to cope with her grief, and regret, and the day to day hardships of the life she has chosen.
Why did she want to go? Life on another planet is a reasonable choice for a scientist, or an adventurer. It appears to make no sense at all for a personality like Iris. Her only incentives seem to be boredom and a quest for some sort of fame. These are strange motivations, and speak of a very deep desperation indeed.
And there is something deeply troubling about the state of Nyx. A series of mysteries become clues that the project is failing. New recruits and needed supplies fail to arrive. Who are the controllers? Who is watching the people of Nyx?
People begin to disappear - what is happening to them? I began to wonder if Nyx was real, or was it all in Iris’s head. Iris attempted suicide when she was sixteen, was her life on Nyx connected to this?
The mystery had me gripped. On Nyx the story really picked up. What had been a so-so tale for me gained traction. It had me riveted. The deeper motivations of the Nyxians, the point and purpose of the whole experiment seemed about to be laid bare. Was it really a kind of Lord of the Flies experiment to see what would happen in an alcohol-free, internet-less society, when the food and drugs run out? Were they really on another planet? Who are the shadowy controllers? Secrets were surely begging to be told.
And then…
Nothing.
I have a visceral loathing of overly-mysterious, ‘you decide’ endings that are not endings, merely full-stops. It was extraordinarily frustrating and disappointing, and the failure to bring the thing to a satisfying ending made the whole Nyxian project ultimately pointless. These chapters could have been amazing, but the world building here is not great and without a meaningful conclusion, it all seemed suddenly rather dull and boring. It felt like a hugely wasted opportunity.
I dithered mightily about my rating for this book. I’ve given it 3 stars, but two and a half is more accurate. Iris’s London life will surely be of more interest to other twenty-somethings living that life, but I, thank God, am not one of them. It meant nothing to me. The Nyx chapters were far more interesting, hinting at secrets and lies. These were the best of the book, keeping me awake, turning pages well into the night. The fact that nothing ultimately came of all the author’s teasing was a massive let-down.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Fiona MacDonald.
772 reviews183 followers
November 22, 2020
So I started reading this this morning and finished it this afternoon. I was obsessed and couldn't stop reading to see what was going to happen!
Iris is a typical twenty-something living and working in London. She has a job she's not keen on that revolves around hashtags and social media posts, friends who are mostly into drinking, a family that are annoyingly distant and unaffected and a love life that's going nowhere fast. One day she sees an advert in the paper - applications are now open to move to a new planet called Nyx - you access this planet through a wormhole in the Pacific Ocean.. it's like a better, happier and cleaner version of earth and the trials and tribulations of all involved will be played out on the big screen like a larger scale Big Brother. There is one catch though - if you go, you can never come back to earth, and so you have to leave family, friends, job and everything that you know to be normality. Sure you'll have healthy, vegan meals on Nyx, you'll get to work doing something you genuinely love, you'll be looked after and make life-long friends.. but you'll also never get to see an animal again, feel the sun, feel the breeze, see the sunset or sunrise, listen to music that isn't on a specially tailored playlist or even eat a steak. You won't get to experience the monotony of everyday life on earth, that can be boring, but can also be incredibly fulfilling; instead, everyday will be striving for happy happy happy; feeling sad or down is not an option.
I knew I would love this, because it seems like a nightmare to me, giving up everything you know for that idealistic perfect world that is never going to be as good as you imagined. Things can, and will go horribly wrong, and when they go wrong, who can you turn to to save you?
I was captivated, and really loved the story. But only 4 stars because the ending was a let-down.
Profile Image for Beige .
277 reviews116 followers
October 18, 2020
I enjoyed this easy to breeze through, contemporary literary novel that had a touch of SciFi. In this case, a wormhole to planet Nyx. Recommended for fans of Severance. Both books have similarities: satirical takes on modern (Western) office culture, time spent wandering around empty cities, and young women struggling with ennui/undiagnosed depression.

I'm excited by these authors playing with genre, widening the scope of what speculative fiction means (to me).


A Nyx like planet - Would you move to this millennial pink heaven?

Want to know more about the author? I enjoyed this article Luiza Sauma wrote about her experience as an immigrant growing up in the UK.
3 reviews
July 7, 2019
The synopsis for this book was really interesting, and a few chapters in I was really enjoying it. Unfortunately once the story moved on to Iris's time on Nyx, the book fell totally flat for me. The characters there were underdeveloped and...well...nothing really happened. I persevered but was disappointed at the ending. Such a shame as it was a really interesting concept.
Profile Image for маја .
394 reviews156 followers
November 6, 2023
for a book that was so bleak and melancholic it is weirdly life-affirming and i’m gonna be thinking about it for a bit. it is speculative more than actually being a well-developed sci-fi which i’m finding more compelling these days…i ended up liking the contemporary chapters much more than the ones on nyx even though i picked up the book because of the concept. heavy stuff…i am going to sleep
600 reviews
July 15, 2019
Concept was cool, structure was poor, ending was shocking.
Profile Image for m..
338 reviews48 followers
December 17, 2021
nothing i have ever read has made me feel this way before. it is the most perfect, strange, maddening little novel. it's relatable and sad and sobering but also very hopeful in its own way. it made me cry! hard! several times! recommend this if you love soft sci-fi a la emily st john mandel or ling ma.
Profile Image for Karyssa.
125 reviews10 followers
December 8, 2019
Utterly forgettable with an ending that just makes you so mad from the shittiness of it all.

This book started off quite well - with a premise that just sets off your anxiety with how relevant it is - and then it continues on into nothing until it ends terribly.
It is obvious to all who read that the author had no idea where to take their idea, let alone how they were to end the story that was hanging over their head.
Profile Image for Queralt✨.
565 reviews195 followers
January 14, 2024
You live your life and navigate toxic positivity at work, doomscrolling to sleep, checking your phone the instant you’re alone in a room because you want to escape loneliness. And then you learn about Life on Nyx , a programme that offers the chance to move to Nyx, another planet, and have a fresh start. Once you leave, you can never return to Earth or contact anyone on Earth again.

My rating is very subjective. I think this book is worth 3 stars, it’s slow, very introspective, and at times you feel like shaking the main character and everyone around her, but I connected a lot with it. It talks about many relevant topics: loneliness in a very connected world, how mundane everything is, how we all think we’re some sort of main character in a story, mental health, relationships. I thought everything was very poignant and Luiza Sauma didn’t force feed any of her thoughts in here, she merely exposed and pointed at the issues as something Iris wants to escape - and Nyx is the solution.

But, of course, Nyx is an imperfect solution, it means giving up everything including your sister, the ‘one that got away,’ and just everything you are. I feel, that the more Sauma told us about Nyx, the less attractive it sounded: vegan diet and three meals not guaranteed, always with the same people, not a lot of medicine available, no phones, only access to the books and 100 songs they already have, cameras on you all the time (they make Nyx like a reality show to get more people to move there), etc. Like, I’d personally LOVE to go to space and shit, but not in these conditions. Interestingly enough, the chapters that happened on Nyx felt anaemic and then they became a dystopic, claustrophobic nightmare and just ugh, girl, you shouldn’t have.

I don’t know how to review this book, I think much of it spoke to me. The book starts and we know Iris has left Earth and she’s on Nyx, and the following chapters shed light on what led her to make such an extreme decision. It was very easy to empathize with her, it was such an approachable book in that sense. But, man, the whole thing about leaving the sister behind had me on the verge of tears. I was not expecting to get this emotional over it. So, does this deserve 5 stars? Idk. But I really connected with everything about the sister and I empathized a lot with Iris so here we are. Amazing book.
Profile Image for Pip.
182 reviews464 followers
February 16, 2021
(4.5 out of 5)

this was such an interesting and absorbing read for me, I read it in 2 or 3 sittings which pretty much never happens. BUT I have to say............ it's kind of a bummer. prepare to get sad!!!! but also grateful??

definitely glad I read this, and would recommend if you are in an excellent or generally positive headspace
Profile Image for monique ❀.
61 reviews27 followers
April 21, 2023
initial thoughts after finishing: so does she d word or ???????????? there are so many unanswered questions,,,,,,,

review:

3.5 stars — great concept but could have been better executed. for one, the writing was too fragmented for my taste. i’m not really sure what to get out of this book other than “be grateful for what you have” and “enjoy the simple things in life”. i did like the chapters that focused on what she missed, but i don’t think it delved deep into her thoughts and longings enough for the theme to come across strongly to me. her life on nyx felt pretty disconnected from the themes the author wanted to convey aside from the chapters where she talked about what she missed. there are so many questions left unanswered and i feel like the author skimmed over a lot of plot points. maybe this is something i need to think about more, but this book seems to have one foot in the dystopian genre and another in philosophy, and it could have excelled at both or even one, but i don’t think the author committed to either and the message of the book felt convoluted at times.
i think it would have been a more compelling story if instead of a planet where iris had to give up everything, the planet she would go to would have everything earth had or something different. but i find that it would be hard for readers (unless you’re extremely depressed) to relate to the appeal of wanting everything bad, but also GOOD, in your life to be removed and to give up virtually everything you know and love to live on a planet we barely know anything about. i think this way the message of being grateful for everything you have would have come across stronger.
i still need to think about this book and need to reread the ending, which was so ambiguous but beautifully written.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Robin.
277 reviews9 followers
August 1, 2022
well what the hell am I going to write my term paper about now that this book wasn’t that interesting
Profile Image for Juliana Nemezio.
158 reviews19 followers
July 7, 2023
4.5* mt bom :)

"on another planet, in another universe, we're still kids and it's summer, and it always will be."
Profile Image for Talia.
110 reviews1,429 followers
June 16, 2022
Everything you Ever Wanted piqued my interest right away, and it didn’t disappoint. Reading this felt like watching a movie. At times, it reminded me of great dystopian/psychological sci-fi films like Melancholia, 2001: A Space Odyssey, or even The Truman Show. I also liked how it felt like a sci-fi, modern retelling of The Wizard of Oz (let's leave it at that because I don't want to give anything away). On Nyx, there was always this looming sense of dread, and I knew it was headed for disaster, but I couldn't predict what would happen in the end. It was very eerie and made you think about how we spend our days on Earth. What really matters? Even the small things you surround yourself with have an impact on your life. All in all, I couldn't put the book down after the second half! I would have given this a 5/5 but the ending did not satisfy me as much as I had hoped or I am still mulling it over. But that being said, I highly recommend this to almost anyone; overall, I found it extremely exciting and easy to read, ideal for breaking out of a reading slump or adding to your reading stack for the month!
Profile Image for Natalia.
124 reviews34 followers
July 4, 2024
I can't explain, but this book had a very similar appeal and relatability for me as "My Year of Rest and Relaxation", no matter how mid the actual writing is. And funnily enough, they both currently have a Goodreads rating of exactly 3.64.

UPDATE: "Uncanny Valley" is another book that falls into the same category as this book. And it ALSO has a rating of 3.64!
Very odd coincidence.
Profile Image for Jamie Klingler.
734 reviews66 followers
January 7, 2020
Can’t tell if the book was all meant to be tongue in cheek or taken seriously. It’s like that awful Channel 4 show that put people on a remote island, let them go feral and then forgot about them—- not Love Island- the other one. There are moments of Fleabag-Esque self flagellation but then rambling chapters that go in circles.
Profile Image for Professor Weasel.
858 reviews9 followers
March 13, 2021
Reread 13 March, 2021 - Boy, does this hit hard during lockdown. I definitely think this is one of the best books I've ever read. It's SO dark, raw, funny, and readable.

July 14, 2019 - I loved this - absolutely hysterical and relatable. Loved the ending.
Profile Image for Liv Sutcliffe.
94 reviews2 followers
June 27, 2021
This book managed to so perfectly encapsulate every anxious thought about the stagnant nature of daily life. It met me straight in the middle, welcomed me with open arms and then shook me as if I were a petulant child for not appreciating the things I hold dear.
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