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The Witches of Chiswick
We have all been lied to—a great and sinister conspiracy exists to keep us from uncovering the truth about our past. Have you ever wondered how Victorians like Jules Verne and H.G. Wells dreamed up all that fantastic futuristic fiction? Did it ever occur to you that it might have been based upon fact? That War of The Worlds was a true account of real events? That Captain Nemo’s Nautilus even now lies rusting at the bottom of the North Sea? And what about the other stuff? Did you know, for instance, that Jack the Ripper was a terminator robot sent from the future? In this book, learn how a cabal of Victorian Witches from the Chiswick Townswomen’s Guild, working with advanced Babbage super computers, rewrote 19th-century history, and how a 21st-century boy called Billy Starling uncovered the truth about everything.
448 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2003
About the author
Robert Rankin
89 books841 followers"When Robert Rankin embarked upon his writing career in the late 1970s, his ambition was to create an entirely new literary genre, which he named Far-Fetched Fiction. He reasoned that by doing this he could avoid competing with any other living author in any known genre and would be given his own special section in WH Smith."
(from Web Site Story)
Robert Rankin describes himself as a teller of tall tales, a fitting description, assuming that he isn't lying about it. From his early beginnings as a baby in 1949, Robert Rankin has grown into a tall man of some stature. Somewhere along the way he experimented in the writing of books, and found that he could do it rather well. Not being one to light his hide under a bushel, Mister Rankin continues to write fine novels of a humorous science-fictional nature.
(from Web Site Story)
Robert Rankin describes himself as a teller of tall tales, a fitting description, assuming that he isn't lying about it. From his early beginnings as a baby in 1949, Robert Rankin has grown into a tall man of some stature. Somewhere along the way he experimented in the writing of books, and found that he could do it rather well. Not being one to light his hide under a bushel, Mister Rankin continues to write fine novels of a humorous science-fictional nature.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 120 reviews
April 11, 2020
There was certainly no lack of invention from Robert Rankin as our time travelling hero William Starling goes back to an alternate Steampunk Victorian London. I did enjoy elements of The Witches of Chiswick but ultimately it just wasn't funny enough for me. Jasper Fforde and Douglas Adams do it and did it much better.
March 1, 2010
It was kind of like a many-hours-long episode of Monty Python. There were moments of pure brilliance, moments of pure silliness, and a few too many moments where I wished the story would just move along and start making sense.
I don't know that I'll read more Robert Rankin, but I felt this book deserved four stars for the many times that it made me laugh out loud.
I don't know that I'll read more Robert Rankin, but I felt this book deserved four stars for the many times that it made me laugh out loud.
February 28, 2012
On paper this sounds like something I would love - comedy, conspiracy, magic, and a fantastic steam punk version of the past. What a combo! And maybe that's the problem; the author is trying to cram too many fabulous things in to one little book.
The story contains loads of rapid fire dialogue. So rapid, in fact, that it becomes difficult to determine who is saying what without revisiting the whole conversation and carefully noting each interjection. This is made more cumbersome by the layout, which from time to time, included two different speakers, both non-attributed, with dialogue appearing in the same line.
In addition, the overall tone of the book gives the impression that the author thinks he is a much cleverer version of Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett and Jasper Fforde. Yes, all three, combined.
All in all, this was tedious.
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January 8, 2016
[Quick review from memory before I re-read and re-review at a later date]
(Don't recall the plot, but it's Rankin so it's bound to be good. Intrigued to know why I thought this one was SO good, though.)
(Don't recall the plot, but it's Rankin so it's bound to be good. Intrigued to know why I thought this one was SO good, though.)
May 4, 2017
I so badly wanted to like this book, and there were parts and moments I loved--and that's what ultimately disappoints me the most. In the hands of Connie Willis or Jasper Fforde, this would be a classic.
Will is the one thin man in a grim futuristic world where obesity is the norm, where acid raid makes it dangerous to leave your apartment, crammed in a giant high-rises, where people worship the Virgin still, but Virgin Airlines since companies are the new religions. You don't pray, but endorse products. And besides, things got a bit weird when it turned out the Pope was a vampire, infected by the Incorruptibles on display in Vatican City, who were all really vampires. There are no more books, because every tree has been cut down, so no more paper.
He works scanning old time paintings for the museum database, and one day when scanning in an old Victorian painting (see below), he notices the digital wristwatch on one of the figures.
Trying to save the painting unearths a worldwide conspiracy, led by evil witches (The Chiswick Townswomen Club), who have managed to conceal the fact that Victorians had even more advanced robotics, transportation, energy grid, computers than modern day, and all that knowledge was lost. He stumbles back into the Victorian past, thanks to the hijacking HG Welles' time machine, acquires a Holy Guardian in the guise of a talking alien sprout named Barry, and becomes an apprentice of an immortal sorcerer, and is tasked with finding Jack the Ripper, an ultimately saving history from being overwritten.
All the above sounds awesome! And while it has its moments, it's ultimately pointless. The author himself at the end points out laughing at all the plot lines dropped, and I hissed at the book, "yessss, I noticed..." -- characters appear and disappear, story lines don't get wrapped up, things don't ultimately make sense, and while time travel can only explain so much, a great portion of the narrative is lazy and hyperactive--not landing on any subject long enough but to sneer at it in the most juvenile manner. I backtracked a lot in this book, to an annoying extent, trying to see if I missed where a crucial plot points were explained, thinking I somehow missed a chapter, but nope. Jokes on you reader!
A vast majority of the jokes are simply NOT funny and land in the category of "Trying too hard" frequently, while at the same time, and very well could just be me and this book's tone being a poor match, but slightly contemptuous of his readers while plumbing all the depths. As for the witches, they're seen from a distance, and have one very short scene, but since they're the title of the book, and the shadowy antagonist, they probably have 5 pages of book all together.
Will is the one thin man in a grim futuristic world where obesity is the norm, where acid raid makes it dangerous to leave your apartment, crammed in a giant high-rises, where people worship the Virgin still, but Virgin Airlines since companies are the new religions. You don't pray, but endorse products. And besides, things got a bit weird when it turned out the Pope was a vampire, infected by the Incorruptibles on display in Vatican City, who were all really vampires. There are no more books, because every tree has been cut down, so no more paper.
He works scanning old time paintings for the museum database, and one day when scanning in an old Victorian painting (see below), he notices the digital wristwatch on one of the figures.
Trying to save the painting unearths a worldwide conspiracy, led by evil witches (The Chiswick Townswomen Club), who have managed to conceal the fact that Victorians had even more advanced robotics, transportation, energy grid, computers than modern day, and all that knowledge was lost. He stumbles back into the Victorian past, thanks to the hijacking HG Welles' time machine, acquires a Holy Guardian in the guise of a talking alien sprout named Barry, and becomes an apprentice of an immortal sorcerer, and is tasked with finding Jack the Ripper, an ultimately saving history from being overwritten.
All the above sounds awesome! And while it has its moments, it's ultimately pointless. The author himself at the end points out laughing at all the plot lines dropped, and I hissed at the book, "yessss, I noticed..." -- characters appear and disappear, story lines don't get wrapped up, things don't ultimately make sense, and while time travel can only explain so much, a great portion of the narrative is lazy and hyperactive--not landing on any subject long enough but to sneer at it in the most juvenile manner. I backtracked a lot in this book, to an annoying extent, trying to see if I missed where a crucial plot points were explained, thinking I somehow missed a chapter, but nope. Jokes on you reader!
A vast majority of the jokes are simply NOT funny and land in the category of "Trying too hard" frequently, while at the same time, and very well could just be me and this book's tone being a poor match, but slightly contemptuous of his readers while plumbing all the depths. As for the witches, they're seen from a distance, and have one very short scene, but since they're the title of the book, and the shadowy antagonist, they probably have 5 pages of book all together.
December 17, 2012
I really liked The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse, so I decided to give a few other Rankin books a try. This was the first I've read since Bunnies, and because of this, I think I'll read The Toyminator (the sequel to Bunnies) and then stick with Terry Pratchett, Jasper Fforde, Tom Holt, and Christopher Moore when I want to read weird/funny fantasy fiction. So why didn't I like this book? It was an interesting story, if quite convoluted, and the characters were pretty well-written, too. The ending was very sudden, and Rankin basically stated that he knew certain plot threads were left untied, hinting that there would be one or more sequels to this book (don't know if there are yet, or not). But if it was just that, I would've rated the book higher. No, throughout this book, I just felt that Rankin was trying way too hard to be funny, and mostly failing miserably. Some of his jokes he chose to explain, either through footnotes or actual dialogue (both techniques were rather awkward); some jokes he didn't explain at all. Unfortunately, the jokes that he didn't explain are the ones that he should've explained, and vice versa. So I often got the feeling that he was talking down to his audience (which is something I really dislike -- see my review of Life of Pi). Alternately, I got the feeling that he was having a private laugh at the expense of his audience (which is something I dislike even more). So, as I said, I will read The Toyminator, but after that, no more Rankin for me.
September 30, 2012
You can't even imagine how much I wanted to like this book. The awkward thing is I say that EVERY time I pick up a new Rankin Book. The thing is when Rankin is good, he's really shut the front door good. Funny, strange, ridiculous break the fourth wall hilarious, mildly eccentric blah blah. When he's bad though (and please please cult following don't hurt me) he's basically unreadable. This one oddly fell smack dab in the middle for me. I was almost embarrassingly apathetic about this book. I started reading this APRIL TENTH. That's 5 months ago. It doesn't take me 5 months to ready ANY book. I just kept picking it up, reading half a chapter and then getting distracted. When I read it, I could kind of get into it, but it didn't grab onto me, and by the time I finished it I was just left... apathetic.
I was mildly annoyed (and it's been echo'd on other reviews) that there were too many loose ends and that there was a little too much of the book aimed at people who've read every one of Rankin's other books. I've read a few (ok, more than a few) but apparently not enough because there were times I was left a little too confused... I don't even know.
I think it bothers me because I want to love all of Rankin's books. Like, I really really want to. I love the idea of the world he's built, with paradoxes, time travel, witches (non-existant, but still kinda there. I guess). I dunno. This is a terrible review. I don't even know.
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I was mildly annoyed (and it's been echo'd on other reviews) that there were too many loose ends and that there was a little too much of the book aimed at people who've read every one of Rankin's other books. I've read a few (ok, more than a few) but apparently not enough because there were times I was left a little too confused... I don't even know.
I think it bothers me because I want to love all of Rankin's books. Like, I really really want to. I love the idea of the world he's built, with paradoxes, time travel, witches (non-existant, but still kinda there. I guess). I dunno. This is a terrible review. I don't even know.
http://vivalakt.blogspot.ca/
February 13, 2008
Robert Rankin's all the best things about English satirical Sci-Fi writers, and he's new (to me, at least). I haven't read anything that was purely fun like this was in a very long time. Now I want to find the other dozen or so books he's written. I learned a lot of Victorian weirdness along the way, so I guess even then, it didn't completely break my rule of never reading anything that didn't teach me something or expand my mind.
May 13, 2015
Almost as funny as Terry Pratchett. Rankin's style is different than Pratchett. Pratchett has humor and points. His characters are real people. Rankin is funny, his characters aren't real people. What drives the book is the humor and the playing on ideas. This playing is very clever and very real. Rankin mocks society but gently. He mocks convention.
January 4, 2011
I wanted to like this book.
I really did.
But damn, did Rankin ever make it difficult.
It's not the self-referential humour or the constant breaking of the fourth wall - I love Jasper Fforde, after all. It's not the continual typos, pulling me out of the novel. It's not the fact that a large portion of the book is clearly aimed squarely at people who've read every last book in Rankin's oeuvre, and damn the masses.
Nope, it's simply the fact that it has a crappy plot, and revels annoyingly in that fact.
There's any number of loose threads throughout the book - and at least five left dangling at the end, by the author's own admission - and they just kept bothering me. Nothing makes sense, characters are thrown at you willy-nilly for no reason other than that Rankin wanted to play with what I PRESUME are ideas from his other books, and the jokes are impossibly strained after a point. Rankin's a great, funny writer at times, but at other times, he gets carried away with his own meta-aware running jokes and it's just IRRITATING.
The world he's built is fascinating - I want to love a world where Charles Babbage becomes famous and wealthy and invents the digital watch and various automata; I want to love a world where air travel is simple and easy because Tesla Towers broadcast power for all to use without batteries needed. But Rankin's descriptions often become tedious and silly - he describes rooms in terms of the defined styles of furniture in them, rather than actually describing what anything looks like - and the world itself is barely examined. Hell, the witches barely even come up; the entire book is just an excuse to muck about with time travel, poor in-jokes, and brussels sprouts.
Meh.
I really did.
But damn, did Rankin ever make it difficult.
It's not the self-referential humour or the constant breaking of the fourth wall - I love Jasper Fforde, after all. It's not the continual typos, pulling me out of the novel. It's not the fact that a large portion of the book is clearly aimed squarely at people who've read every last book in Rankin's oeuvre, and damn the masses.
Nope, it's simply the fact that it has a crappy plot, and revels annoyingly in that fact.
There's any number of loose threads throughout the book - and at least five left dangling at the end, by the author's own admission - and they just kept bothering me. Nothing makes sense, characters are thrown at you willy-nilly for no reason other than that Rankin wanted to play with what I PRESUME are ideas from his other books, and the jokes are impossibly strained after a point. Rankin's a great, funny writer at times, but at other times, he gets carried away with his own meta-aware running jokes and it's just IRRITATING.
The world he's built is fascinating - I want to love a world where Charles Babbage becomes famous and wealthy and invents the digital watch and various automata; I want to love a world where air travel is simple and easy because Tesla Towers broadcast power for all to use without batteries needed. But Rankin's descriptions often become tedious and silly - he describes rooms in terms of the defined styles of furniture in them, rather than actually describing what anything looks like - and the world itself is barely examined. Hell, the witches barely even come up; the entire book is just an excuse to muck about with time travel, poor in-jokes, and brussels sprouts.
Meh.
June 14, 2008
Are we all living a lie? Is it possible that our advanced technology is primitive compared to what Victorians were using? What if?
Young Will Starling is living a normal, if boring, life in the 23rd century. He works at the former Tate Museum, proofing the scans of artwork that it onced housed. It's a dull and thankless job, but not for Will. He loves art and culture, something that has died out in his time. He particularly enjoys the art of the 19th century. Will is complacent with his lot in life until the day he discovers a digital watch on a painting from the Victorian era.
Will's life is swept into a maelstrom of murder attempts and illicit drugs as he tries to discover a secret hidden from the entire world. Using a time machine (actually, THE Time Machine), Will travels into the past and uncovers our REAL history - airships, wireless power, fax machines, super-computers -- everything that existed until it was taken away - by The Witches of Chiswick.
The Witches of Chiswick is a hilarious romp through the London of the past and the London of the future. It's loaded with British humor, and feels like a cross between Monty Python and the Hitchhikers Guide, perhaps with a little Dr. Who thrown in for good measure. The dialogue is quick and snappy, and the running gags are endless. If you are looking for a fun book that will take your notion of history and turn it upside down, cut it half and twist it into a pretzel, this is it. Everything that you know just may be wrong. My rating: 4/5
Young Will Starling is living a normal, if boring, life in the 23rd century. He works at the former Tate Museum, proofing the scans of artwork that it onced housed. It's a dull and thankless job, but not for Will. He loves art and culture, something that has died out in his time. He particularly enjoys the art of the 19th century. Will is complacent with his lot in life until the day he discovers a digital watch on a painting from the Victorian era.
Will's life is swept into a maelstrom of murder attempts and illicit drugs as he tries to discover a secret hidden from the entire world. Using a time machine (actually, THE Time Machine), Will travels into the past and uncovers our REAL history - airships, wireless power, fax machines, super-computers -- everything that existed until it was taken away - by The Witches of Chiswick.
The Witches of Chiswick is a hilarious romp through the London of the past and the London of the future. It's loaded with British humor, and feels like a cross between Monty Python and the Hitchhikers Guide, perhaps with a little Dr. Who thrown in for good measure. The dialogue is quick and snappy, and the running gags are endless. If you are looking for a fun book that will take your notion of history and turn it upside down, cut it half and twist it into a pretzel, this is it. Everything that you know just may be wrong. My rating: 4/5
April 1, 2024
Gammon viewed the screen.
It was covered in little icons, in the shape of bats and pumpkins, cauldrons and black cats, and broomsticks. Below each of these were little titles: My incantations. My book of shadows. My favourite curses. My wart charms. And so on and so forth, and not very funny at all.
'Cool,' said Tim. 'What shall we go for?'
'If I might make a suggestion,' said Gammon. 'Select My World Domination Proposal.'
'Good choice that,' said Tim and he moved the silver star-shaped mouse.
Not part of the Brentford Trilogy, although it does feature a few of the same characters and takes place mostly in Brentford. Much more enjoyable than "Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls".
In 23rd century Brentford, Will Starling (a lover of all things Victorian) comes across a plot by the Chiswick Townswomen's Guild (actually a coven of witches) to suppress the information that they changed history at the end of the Victorian era. Will and his best friend Tim McGregor are threatened by murderous robots from the past and guided by Hugo Rune. They also meet Barry the Time Sprout and H.G Wells, and drink many pints of Large in the Flying Swan, which strangely enough has Neville the part-time barman in charge in both the 19th century and 23rd century.
I was very surprised when they went to Hugo Rune's manse - I had never suspected that at all (being deliberately vague to avoid spoilers).
It was covered in little icons, in the shape of bats and pumpkins, cauldrons and black cats, and broomsticks. Below each of these were little titles: My incantations. My book of shadows. My favourite curses. My wart charms. And so on and so forth, and not very funny at all.
'Cool,' said Tim. 'What shall we go for?'
'If I might make a suggestion,' said Gammon. 'Select My World Domination Proposal.'
'Good choice that,' said Tim and he moved the silver star-shaped mouse.
Not part of the Brentford Trilogy, although it does feature a few of the same characters and takes place mostly in Brentford. Much more enjoyable than "Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls".
In 23rd century Brentford, Will Starling (a lover of all things Victorian) comes across a plot by the Chiswick Townswomen's Guild (actually a coven of witches) to suppress the information that they changed history at the end of the Victorian era. Will and his best friend Tim McGregor are threatened by murderous robots from the past and guided by Hugo Rune. They also meet Barry the Time Sprout and H.G Wells, and drink many pints of Large in the Flying Swan, which strangely enough has Neville the part-time barman in charge in both the 19th century and 23rd century.
I was very surprised when they went to Hugo Rune's manse - I had never suspected that at all (being deliberately vague to avoid spoilers).
July 12, 2009
Perhaps my favorite Rankin yet (though every one is a favorite when I am reading it.) So improbably probable; so outrageously quirky. Rankin has that slightly skewed view of the world which I adore.
This particular tale involves bad guys (or gals, as they are witches) mucking about with history to hide the real Victorian era from us. You know, the time when computers were commonplace, when Tesla towers gave us electricity, when handsome cabs flew and so forth. Or then there's the view of "current day", when even girthy Americans of our today would be considered slim, when Acid Rain was the regular forecast and when books and paintings, and all forms of art only exist in their virtual format for folks to view.
Nice touches in this book include an Arnie-type terminator robot coming to the future from the past to help protect the past. It's convoluted, but a fun ride.
This particular tale involves bad guys (or gals, as they are witches) mucking about with history to hide the real Victorian era from us. You know, the time when computers were commonplace, when Tesla towers gave us electricity, when handsome cabs flew and so forth. Or then there's the view of "current day", when even girthy Americans of our today would be considered slim, when Acid Rain was the regular forecast and when books and paintings, and all forms of art only exist in their virtual format for folks to view.
Nice touches in this book include an Arnie-type terminator robot coming to the future from the past to help protect the past. It's convoluted, but a fun ride.
August 16, 2011
I enjoyed this book very much. It was light-hearted, silly, and engaging.
There are, however, some reasons why you might not like this book.
1. You hate puns. Or preposterous things. Or both. (I happen to enjoy both very much, as long as they confine themselves to the realm of fiction.)
2. You are a huge fan of Rothko. Or Schwarzenegger. Or both. (Frankly, I would not mind if I never saw a work from the bodies of work of either of these fellows again. Yes, that includes Hercules in New York. Sorry, Pretzi.)
3. You are tired of pop culture using obesity as shorthand for all the awful things a technologically advanced future will do to us. (I am not tired, yet. But I will be soon if this keeps up. And if you're already tired, I certainly won't argue with you.)
So, if you think you can operate within these parameters, settle in for a campy good time. If not, you're not missing out on a piece of literature so outstanding you'll be culturally impaired. It's all good.
There are, however, some reasons why you might not like this book.
1. You hate puns. Or preposterous things. Or both. (I happen to enjoy both very much, as long as they confine themselves to the realm of fiction.)
2. You are a huge fan of Rothko. Or Schwarzenegger. Or both. (Frankly, I would not mind if I never saw a work from the bodies of work of either of these fellows again. Yes, that includes Hercules in New York. Sorry, Pretzi.)
3. You are tired of pop culture using obesity as shorthand for all the awful things a technologically advanced future will do to us. (I am not tired, yet. But I will be soon if this keeps up. And if you're already tired, I certainly won't argue with you.)
So, if you think you can operate within these parameters, settle in for a campy good time. If not, you're not missing out on a piece of literature so outstanding you'll be culturally impaired. It's all good.
July 26, 2015
I am a big Robert Rankin fan, and Witches of Chiswick has lots of great elements - a dystopian future, a steampunk Victorian England which features a mixture of the real - Jack the Ripper, the Elephant man (who is working for the Martians and H. G. Wells) and the fictional such as Sherlock Holmes. And there are plenty of old friends like the Flying Swan (and Neville), Hugo Rune and Barry the time sprout. The book also has some of Rankin's trademark delights - for instance, the decor in a future kitchen is bright and orange, a reference to the now half-forgotten Orange phone network ads.
However, it also gives the feel of a book that has been written over a couple of weeks with little tightening in the editing. There are far too many conversations along the lines of 'You ought to...' 'No, we're doing it my way,' over and over again.
So a definite one for the fans, but not the best Rankin for beginners (I'd still recommend starting with the original Brentford trilogy).
However, it also gives the feel of a book that has been written over a couple of weeks with little tightening in the editing. There are far too many conversations along the lines of 'You ought to...' 'No, we're doing it my way,' over and over again.
So a definite one for the fans, but not the best Rankin for beginners (I'd still recommend starting with the original Brentford trilogy).
August 8, 2020
Took me a while to get through this one if I'm honest. It's your standard Rankin affair so familiar characters and places abound - Count Otto Black, Hugo Rune, The Flying Swan and of course the legendary Barry the Time Sprout!
The story is (of course) one of time travel with a decent chunk set in Victorian London... perhaps a little different that we remember it though. This worked fairly well although felt a little contrived in parts. The lead characters were well written but personally didn't gel with me as much as others from the RR Universe. That said, some familiar faces were nicely weaved in! The ending was OK but felt a little abrupt and not developed much around the actual witches the book is titled after!
Overall, not my favourite of the author's books, but works pretty well as a stand-alone story, especially for those who enjoy a bit of far-fetched nonsense! And don't we all... 😁
The story is (of course) one of time travel with a decent chunk set in Victorian London... perhaps a little different that we remember it though. This worked fairly well although felt a little contrived in parts. The lead characters were well written but personally didn't gel with me as much as others from the RR Universe. That said, some familiar faces were nicely weaved in! The ending was OK but felt a little abrupt and not developed much around the actual witches the book is titled after!
Overall, not my favourite of the author's books, but works pretty well as a stand-alone story, especially for those who enjoy a bit of far-fetched nonsense! And don't we all... 😁
November 12, 2010
I really wanted to like this book. I'm a big fan of Jasper Fforde (whimsy) and Connie Willis (time travel) and when I read the other reviews of this book it seemed it combined the two.
It didn't.
Yes, time travel was there. But as for whimsy ... no. The author obviously thought he was being funny and quirky, and just to make sure the reader knew he was being funny and quirky he made the various characters comment on that fact. His writing style was so overdrawn and unnatural it took me two weeks to read a book the length of which would normally take me two days because I had to stop reading due to the headaches caused by his prose.
I seem to be in the minority regarding this book, so perhaps I'm wrong. But if you want a clever, funny and surreal read that won't do your head in, I recommend any and all of Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next series.
It didn't.
Yes, time travel was there. But as for whimsy ... no. The author obviously thought he was being funny and quirky, and just to make sure the reader knew he was being funny and quirky he made the various characters comment on that fact. His writing style was so overdrawn and unnatural it took me two weeks to read a book the length of which would normally take me two days because I had to stop reading due to the headaches caused by his prose.
I seem to be in the minority regarding this book, so perhaps I'm wrong. But if you want a clever, funny and surreal read that won't do your head in, I recommend any and all of Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next series.
September 2, 2016
This book tried really REALLY hard to be funny. There was a pun pretty much in every paragraph. And why at times this did raise a few smiles, most of the times i was groaning inwardly. It all felt a bit panto. I do love a good panto but it doesn't quite work in a book.
Rankin's writing reminded me of Terry Pratchett and Jasper Fforde mashed together, these are both authors I really wanted to like but can only drum up some warm enthusiasm for. And it was the same with Rankin, I thought I would love this book but it ended up being pretty average.
There are witches, there is time travel, there's even a taking sprout! And I'm still not sure why the witches wanted to rid the Victorians of all their technology in the first place? If you are a fan of the above mentioned authors then you might want to give this a try.
Rankin's writing reminded me of Terry Pratchett and Jasper Fforde mashed together, these are both authors I really wanted to like but can only drum up some warm enthusiasm for. And it was the same with Rankin, I thought I would love this book but it ended up being pretty average.
There are witches, there is time travel, there's even a taking sprout! And I'm still not sure why the witches wanted to rid the Victorians of all their technology in the first place? If you are a fan of the above mentioned authors then you might want to give this a try.
December 16, 2011
Wow. This started out harmless enough with a little sci-fi and some humor, and then added witches, and time travel, and then more time travel, and then HG Wells, and Mary Poppins and the Elephant Man, and then it started getting strange!
I certainly like my humor goofy, but this got downright silly, with verbal slap-stick and absurd scenarios. I really felt that large sections of the book did nothing to advance the story, and by the end I am not sure I was even following exactly what was going on any more!
The writing style is fun, and there were certainly some funny spots, but it was a little long and contrived for me. I may check out another book by Mr. Rankin, but I think I'll read a few more serious books first.
I certainly like my humor goofy, but this got downright silly, with verbal slap-stick and absurd scenarios. I really felt that large sections of the book did nothing to advance the story, and by the end I am not sure I was even following exactly what was going on any more!
The writing style is fun, and there were certainly some funny spots, but it was a little long and contrived for me. I may check out another book by Mr. Rankin, but I think I'll read a few more serious books first.
October 19, 2018
What a weird book. It was pretty much just nonsense, like reading one big comedy routine. It had a plot, it had characters who had emotions and relationships, but it didn't have anything that made it feel like a cohesive novel. In fact, it REALLY fails to stick the landing. I knew that we weren't going to get some perfect ending that would wrap up everything and make sense of all the nonsense, but I was hoping for something that would at least wrap up all of the themes, or feel like a satisfying end for the main characters. I know things are crazy and make no sense, but the lack of explanation for Hugo's reappearance, for what happens to Will and Tim (the originals), etc. felt pretty sloppy.
So why the four stars? Because this book is funny. It made me smile on every page. I'll admit that it took me a while to warm up to the type of humor, because it initially felt like a knockoff of Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams. But after a while, I feel like Rankin actually took on a voice of his own. I liked the fourth wall jokes, the recurring bits, the word play, the use of repetition that should have felt overdone but somehow helped to make the story feel more familiar and friendly; I liked meeting real historical figures and famous literary figures and treating them all as one in the same. Sherlock Holmes trying to find Jack the Ripper? The Queen (God Bless Her) and Dr. Watson having an affair? The Elephant Man is from Mars? HG Wells actually tried to build a time machine, but it's actually a sentient sprout that makes all the time travel happen? Oh, and also he's invisible? All of this is nonsense! In the best possible way.
If I were judging purely off of my page-by-page enjoyment of this read, I'd give it five stars. But when I look at the book as a whole, I'm left wanting. I think the book could have been vastly improved if it had returned to the "future" for a stretch, and shown Will interacting with his parents, his job, and the world in general. The whole beginning part of the book ended up feeling very disconnected from the rest of the novel, the minute Will ends up in 1898. There had to be a better way to integrate it all. That said, this was such a strange book, and I'm glad I stumbled upon it!
Edit: Apparently there are a ton of books that are loosely connected in the same universe... I wonder if this book feels more "complete" if you read other books in the so-called "Brentford Trilogy", which appears to contain at least seven novels? Who knows. Maybe I'll have to check it out some day.
So why the four stars? Because this book is funny. It made me smile on every page. I'll admit that it took me a while to warm up to the type of humor, because it initially felt like a knockoff of Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams. But after a while, I feel like Rankin actually took on a voice of his own. I liked the fourth wall jokes, the recurring bits, the word play, the use of repetition that should have felt overdone but somehow helped to make the story feel more familiar and friendly; I liked meeting real historical figures and famous literary figures and treating them all as one in the same. Sherlock Holmes trying to find Jack the Ripper? The Queen (God Bless Her) and Dr. Watson having an affair? The Elephant Man is from Mars? HG Wells actually tried to build a time machine, but it's actually a sentient sprout that makes all the time travel happen? Oh, and also he's invisible? All of this is nonsense! In the best possible way.
If I were judging purely off of my page-by-page enjoyment of this read, I'd give it five stars. But when I look at the book as a whole, I'm left wanting. I think the book could have been vastly improved if it had returned to the "future" for a stretch, and shown Will interacting with his parents, his job, and the world in general. The whole beginning part of the book ended up feeling very disconnected from the rest of the novel, the minute Will ends up in 1898. There had to be a better way to integrate it all. That said, this was such a strange book, and I'm glad I stumbled upon it!
Edit: Apparently there are a ton of books that are loosely connected in the same universe... I wonder if this book feels more "complete" if you read other books in the so-called "Brentford Trilogy", which appears to contain at least seven novels? Who knows. Maybe I'll have to check it out some day.
July 20, 2015
This is one of the absolute craziest books I've ever read in my life! The author is clearly insane. Or British. He's British and has that British sense of humor, sort of a Terry Pratchett meets Monty Python on acid. This book is nuts.
Will Starling lives in a London suburb with his parents in the 23rd century. Everyone except him is fat, and his is teased mercilessly for being slim. He lives in a 300 story high rise and it's a dystopia now, with acid rain, non-existent technology, synthetic foods, lack of jobs, etc. But he has a job. He works at that Tate Museum, scanning pictures of old paintings for future display. He particularly loves the 19th century, especially Victorian art. There aren't any books anymore either, so he downloads books from the British Library to his palmtop and reads a lot. One day something odd happens. He's scanning a picture and notices one of the characters in this Victorian painting is wearing a digital watch. What? He alerts his boss and is informed the painting will be destroyed. Distraught, he sneaks into the archives and moves the painting to another location so it won't be destroyed. Later, at home with his parents, a Terminator style robot comes into their apartment to get the painting and to kill him. His bulky parents save his life by sitting on the robot, but they found out that four other Will Starlings (uncles) were slaughtered by this robot before he came to their place. Will takes off. He meets his friend Tim, a computer nerd at the museum. He tells Will that a coven of witches rule the world. Wills scoffs. He tells Will that he's got a highly illegal drug that can take you back into your ancestors' memories and you can relive past lives. He gives a bunch to Will and Will takes them all. Next thing you know, Will lands on a street in 19th century London. Victorian England. He can't believe it. He has time traveled. Will meets a man named Hugo Rune, who tells him he's an ancestor and to come with him. Rune knows everyone - Oscar Wilde, a lady's man, Queen Victoria, Charles Babbage, inventor of the computer and many other technical devices, Count Otto Black, who has an aerial circus, HG Wells, and many others. He shows Will a good time and tells him he's a magician. They spend a year traveling the world, meeting the tzar in Russia, the Mandarins, the Pope, who is a vampire, and many others. Will learns to enjoy good food, fine champagne, and the company of exotic women. Upon their return, they meet up with Rune's friend Sherlock Holmes, who has been told Will is the person he is looking for. He's hands a case over to Will, cause he's got a heavy case load, and says he needs it solved asap. Will thinks it'll be a piece of cake, cause he's read all of the books. He opens the file and it's Jack the Ripper, a series of crimes never solved. He groans. Rune has faith in him though. They go back to their hotel, quite drunk, and when Will awakes, he's alone. He gets a paper and finds out Jack has struck again, but it's Rune who's the victim. Will is stunned. He gets Rune's case and finds Barry, the Galactic Guardian sprout. Claims God sent him and other vegetables to be guardian angels cause he ran out of angels. Barry can time travel. Barry gives advice. He suckers Will into putting him into his ear and then Will can't get him out and hears a voice in his head from that point on. Will decides to solves the Ripper case. He goes to the police station with his file and is told Jack has been caught. He's got blood all over him and it's definitely him. Will asks to see him and when the door opens, he sees himself and is stunned. He's got to get himself out of there. He uses a high form of martial arts to knock the policemen out and gets the other Will out of the building, takes a horse and carriage and takes off. They find a water trough and wash the blood off, then go to a bar for some refreshment and to talk. The other Will is freaked out. Will just wants to find out what's up. Turns out the other Will is from a different future than Will and has traveled back in time with the help of Larry, Barry's brother, to kill the witches of Chiswick, who will destroy all of technology at the stroke of midnight, 1899, and the computers and air cars and electrical cars and faxes and everything will be gone and it'll be back to horse and buggy times with no memories of anything else. The other Will has been raised to put a stop to this. Will travels with Barry at some point back to his future to talk to Tim about all of this, who's very excited to hear about everything. Turns out they're half brothers. Tim wants to go back with him. Back to the past. Will and Will get arrested for starting a fight in a bar. They go before the judge, who is about to sentence them to execution, when Tim, their new lawyer, walks in. He says he's going to put on a lengthy defense, call dozens of witnesses, and prove their innocence. The prosecutor, in league with the witches, calls a snail boy to the stand. He can't talk, but the prosecutor and judge pretend they can understand his grunts and believe that Will and Will are guilty. Tim pulls a gun and the courtroom clears. The police come to the scene and pull their weapons. The hostages are sent out, the snail boy, his female caretaker, and the prosecutor. Then the police open fire on the courthouse. The hostages get away and it's the Wills and Tim, disguised as the others.
I could go on and on, but it would take too long. They discover Rune's manse and hack into the witches' computer. Another Terminator robot or two are dispatched to kill them. They meet HG Wells. The other Will takes off, not to be seen again, at least for a long time. The snail boy reappears and joins Will, Tim, and Wells and they are determined to stop Otto, the leader of the witches, and their evil, Satanic plot to destroy technology at the end of the century. On December 31, 1899, 2,000 people are gathered in the air to watch Count Otto Black's flying circus. The four are there, trying to locate the computer program that will destroy everything so they can put a virus in it. Oh, and Martians are on their way to earth to invade. The ending is abrupt and I didn't particularly care for it. I thought it could have been better. I'll let you read the book to see what happens at the end.
Rankin is humorous, that's for sure. There are jokes and puns on practically every page, most of them corny as hell. But there are TOO many! After awhile, you just wish you could read the story without groaning from another damn joke. That's why I'm giving it four stars instead of five. He uses play on words, jokes from the present, has a foul mouth and mind, which I don't mind usually, but it was a bit much, and just overreaches on the jokes. But the story is pretty good, while seemingly convoluted. He's apparently written a bunch of other books that I've never heard of, but have crazy titles. I'll probably read him again if I can find him. Apparently he's hard to find in America. This is steampunk, for those interested. Recommended.
Will Starling lives in a London suburb with his parents in the 23rd century. Everyone except him is fat, and his is teased mercilessly for being slim. He lives in a 300 story high rise and it's a dystopia now, with acid rain, non-existent technology, synthetic foods, lack of jobs, etc. But he has a job. He works at that Tate Museum, scanning pictures of old paintings for future display. He particularly loves the 19th century, especially Victorian art. There aren't any books anymore either, so he downloads books from the British Library to his palmtop and reads a lot. One day something odd happens. He's scanning a picture and notices one of the characters in this Victorian painting is wearing a digital watch. What? He alerts his boss and is informed the painting will be destroyed. Distraught, he sneaks into the archives and moves the painting to another location so it won't be destroyed. Later, at home with his parents, a Terminator style robot comes into their apartment to get the painting and to kill him. His bulky parents save his life by sitting on the robot, but they found out that four other Will Starlings (uncles) were slaughtered by this robot before he came to their place. Will takes off. He meets his friend Tim, a computer nerd at the museum. He tells Will that a coven of witches rule the world. Wills scoffs. He tells Will that he's got a highly illegal drug that can take you back into your ancestors' memories and you can relive past lives. He gives a bunch to Will and Will takes them all. Next thing you know, Will lands on a street in 19th century London. Victorian England. He can't believe it. He has time traveled. Will meets a man named Hugo Rune, who tells him he's an ancestor and to come with him. Rune knows everyone - Oscar Wilde, a lady's man, Queen Victoria, Charles Babbage, inventor of the computer and many other technical devices, Count Otto Black, who has an aerial circus, HG Wells, and many others. He shows Will a good time and tells him he's a magician. They spend a year traveling the world, meeting the tzar in Russia, the Mandarins, the Pope, who is a vampire, and many others. Will learns to enjoy good food, fine champagne, and the company of exotic women. Upon their return, they meet up with Rune's friend Sherlock Holmes, who has been told Will is the person he is looking for. He's hands a case over to Will, cause he's got a heavy case load, and says he needs it solved asap. Will thinks it'll be a piece of cake, cause he's read all of the books. He opens the file and it's Jack the Ripper, a series of crimes never solved. He groans. Rune has faith in him though. They go back to their hotel, quite drunk, and when Will awakes, he's alone. He gets a paper and finds out Jack has struck again, but it's Rune who's the victim. Will is stunned. He gets Rune's case and finds Barry, the Galactic Guardian sprout. Claims God sent him and other vegetables to be guardian angels cause he ran out of angels. Barry can time travel. Barry gives advice. He suckers Will into putting him into his ear and then Will can't get him out and hears a voice in his head from that point on. Will decides to solves the Ripper case. He goes to the police station with his file and is told Jack has been caught. He's got blood all over him and it's definitely him. Will asks to see him and when the door opens, he sees himself and is stunned. He's got to get himself out of there. He uses a high form of martial arts to knock the policemen out and gets the other Will out of the building, takes a horse and carriage and takes off. They find a water trough and wash the blood off, then go to a bar for some refreshment and to talk. The other Will is freaked out. Will just wants to find out what's up. Turns out the other Will is from a different future than Will and has traveled back in time with the help of Larry, Barry's brother, to kill the witches of Chiswick, who will destroy all of technology at the stroke of midnight, 1899, and the computers and air cars and electrical cars and faxes and everything will be gone and it'll be back to horse and buggy times with no memories of anything else. The other Will has been raised to put a stop to this. Will travels with Barry at some point back to his future to talk to Tim about all of this, who's very excited to hear about everything. Turns out they're half brothers. Tim wants to go back with him. Back to the past. Will and Will get arrested for starting a fight in a bar. They go before the judge, who is about to sentence them to execution, when Tim, their new lawyer, walks in. He says he's going to put on a lengthy defense, call dozens of witnesses, and prove their innocence. The prosecutor, in league with the witches, calls a snail boy to the stand. He can't talk, but the prosecutor and judge pretend they can understand his grunts and believe that Will and Will are guilty. Tim pulls a gun and the courtroom clears. The police come to the scene and pull their weapons. The hostages are sent out, the snail boy, his female caretaker, and the prosecutor. Then the police open fire on the courthouse. The hostages get away and it's the Wills and Tim, disguised as the others.
I could go on and on, but it would take too long. They discover Rune's manse and hack into the witches' computer. Another Terminator robot or two are dispatched to kill them. They meet HG Wells. The other Will takes off, not to be seen again, at least for a long time. The snail boy reappears and joins Will, Tim, and Wells and they are determined to stop Otto, the leader of the witches, and their evil, Satanic plot to destroy technology at the end of the century. On December 31, 1899, 2,000 people are gathered in the air to watch Count Otto Black's flying circus. The four are there, trying to locate the computer program that will destroy everything so they can put a virus in it. Oh, and Martians are on their way to earth to invade. The ending is abrupt and I didn't particularly care for it. I thought it could have been better. I'll let you read the book to see what happens at the end.
Rankin is humorous, that's for sure. There are jokes and puns on practically every page, most of them corny as hell. But there are TOO many! After awhile, you just wish you could read the story without groaning from another damn joke. That's why I'm giving it four stars instead of five. He uses play on words, jokes from the present, has a foul mouth and mind, which I don't mind usually, but it was a bit much, and just overreaches on the jokes. But the story is pretty good, while seemingly convoluted. He's apparently written a bunch of other books that I've never heard of, but have crazy titles. I'll probably read him again if I can find him. Apparently he's hard to find in America. This is steampunk, for those interested. Recommended.
August 24, 2020
Wow, I wasn't sure I would ever finish this book! And now I'm not quite sure what I read....
A scrambled story of Will from our future who goes back in time to Victorian England after seeing an anomalous wristwatch in a Victorian painting. But it is not the England he expects - Mr. Tesla has perfected electricity generators, cabs and airships run on electricity. Mr. Babbage has perfected his Analytical Engine, and digital watches exist. Will meets the ambiguous Hugo Rune, who promises to teach him magic and takes him on a tour of the best hotels, wining and dining him (all without paying!) because Will needs to "fix" the past or his own future will disappear. He meets the Elephant Man, Queen Victoria, his own ancestor who is to pilot an airship to the moon, and even Sherlock Holmes. When Rune is murdered, Will vows to avenge him. His best friend Tim shows up to help him, and Will also has a Holy Guardian sprout named Barry in his ear (don't ask) who is not always very helpful. Added to their group is the "other" Will who also appears from the future (I think) and claims to have been a prisoner of the witches. Behind it all are the mysterious witches of Chiswick, who supposedly are planning a computer program spell to erase the future, but they actually have a rather small presence in the story. It was a very confusing book, but pretty much held my interest, even though a lot of things seemed to be happening over and over, and I was never quite sure what was going on. I hope the other Rankin book (Hollow Chocolate Bunnies...) I bought isn't as confusing as this one - or as repetitive.
A scrambled story of Will from our future who goes back in time to Victorian England after seeing an anomalous wristwatch in a Victorian painting. But it is not the England he expects - Mr. Tesla has perfected electricity generators, cabs and airships run on electricity. Mr. Babbage has perfected his Analytical Engine, and digital watches exist. Will meets the ambiguous Hugo Rune, who promises to teach him magic and takes him on a tour of the best hotels, wining and dining him (all without paying!) because Will needs to "fix" the past or his own future will disappear. He meets the Elephant Man, Queen Victoria, his own ancestor who is to pilot an airship to the moon, and even Sherlock Holmes. When Rune is murdered, Will vows to avenge him. His best friend Tim shows up to help him, and Will also has a Holy Guardian sprout named Barry in his ear (don't ask) who is not always very helpful. Added to their group is the "other" Will who also appears from the future (I think) and claims to have been a prisoner of the witches. Behind it all are the mysterious witches of Chiswick, who supposedly are planning a computer program spell to erase the future, but they actually have a rather small presence in the story. It was a very confusing book, but pretty much held my interest, even though a lot of things seemed to be happening over and over, and I was never quite sure what was going on. I hope the other Rankin book (Hollow Chocolate Bunnies...) I bought isn't as confusing as this one - or as repetitive.
April 10, 2019
So, about half way through listening to this, I had to wonder how the Hell did Rankin keep track of what he was writing?? This was so odd, and again like the last book I indulged in this one went off into a completely different direction of what I was expecting. Which makes the story that much more interesting. Will Starling lives in the 23rd century. They have green acid rain which requires a hazmat suit if going out, sky towers 400 stories tall that people live in, and genetically processed food which has made everyone fat. Except for Will who is thin and everyone considers him to be sick or disease ridden. This was like Walle meets The Terminator. (The Terminator is actually in this, a robot that comes from the past with a slight Germanic accent who is trying to kill Will) the reason it's trying to kill him is because Will finds a painting from the Victorian Era ( in this day and age, paintings are examined and then put away because no one looks at paintings anymore) that has a person wearing a digital watch. He reports this unbelievable finding to his boss because obviously it's been tampered with. His boss moves him to a different painting and tells him not to think about it anymore. But Will knows it will be destroyed and so he moves to save it. Here is where the Witches enter, but Will has swapped the paintings and the Witches destroy the wrong one. Which now puts ALL kinds of events into motion, the first being the robot from the past who kills Will. Funny and entertaining, Rankin does an awesome job writing and narrating.
March 20, 2012
The thing about Robert Rankin is that when he's good, he's absolutely amazing - funny, bizarre, and skewed this side of Douglas Adams that it's worth reading. When he's bad, however, he's unreadable, although I would bet that the members of his cult following would disagree. Unluckily for a casual reader like me, who has difficulty finding his books on this side of the Atlantic, most of the Rankin novels I have managed to find are in the bad category. Luckily for me, however, the ones I have found that fall into the "good" category (Dance of the Voodoo Handbag, Knees Up, Mother Earth) are just so joyfuly weird as to make up for slogging through his less appealing works.
Also luckily for me, the Witches of Chiswick is one of those better books - an extraordinarily imaginative time travel odyssey with more than enough madcap shenanigans to keep the pages turning.
I'll start this review by saying that I really think only the British have ever really understood time travel. There's something about the way the minds over in Jolly Olde England are wired - the minds that brought forth both Monty Python and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy seem to be the most comfortable with the bizarre twists a time travel story can take. With the exception of Back To The Future, of course, and the work of Terry Gilliam (a Pythoner although an American), most of the North American attempts at the genre fall into depressingly flat territory. That is why I would not be in the slightest bit surprised if the first real time machine is (or was, or may once be - oho!) invented in Britain.
That said, the time travel in the Witches of Chiswick and its sort-of sequel, Knees Up Mother Earth are exemplary. The story doesn't even get under way until the main character is spurred to action by his future self, gone back in time to get himself going. But I'm getting ahead of myself. In a far, depressing distopian future, humanity exists confined to several enormous bleak and broken high-rises, obesity is considered not just fashionable but sexy and our hero Will is a "too-skinny" young man who dreams of better and is convinced things have gone wrong long long before. Enter a mysterious stranger with a wristwatch branded "Babbage" and himself from three days hence, and Will suddenly finds himself thrust into an adventure that will lead him to discover H.G. Wells' genuine, honest to goodness time machine parked somewhere in the 21st century. The time machine propells him back to the London of 1899 and the discovery of wonders that have been hidden from history.
See, Charles Babbage's clockwork "adding machine" computer was not really a single novelty of the 1850s but the dawn of a Victorian computer age that by 1899 includes wristwatches, personal computers and robot assassins. Nicola Tesla did not really get the electricity rug yanked from under his feet by Edison, but in fact parlayed his much more visually interesting electrical inventions into "Tesla towers", giant globes dotted all over London that provide free electricity wirelessly to every citizen and somehow making flying hansom cabs not only possible but commonplace. It's a steampunk Victorian England with stovepipe hats and dapper gentlemen and amazing technology, and gets extra props just for finally giving me the opportunity to use the word "steampunk."
So why don't we know about all these wonderful advances? Why did the twentieth century dawn without these developments that could have changed the world, forcing us to invent our own versions of the exact same things that somehow seem paler and less wonderful? And how does this relate to the horrible future that Will knows is in store for the human race? The answer is that a secret cabal of witches (the ones from the title) are conspiring to rewrite history, and when the clock strikes midnight on New Years and ushers in the year 1900 the world will revert to the fairly prosaic modern world we know, millions of people somehow forgetting that their horseless carriages also used to fly. And somehow Will must stop it.
What Rankin does best is to take a listless and forgettable character into a wild and woolly situation and let him find a solution through skills he didn't know he had; or to have him be saved by a ridiculous Deus Ex Machina that works only because it fits the madness of the rest of the novel. Both of those things happen in this novel, although thankfully the final confrontation is just Will and his measly abilities against an evil force. Where it falls apart, as it does in every single one of his novels, is when he tries to insert his own peculiar panoply of recurring characters. He has these elements he tries to put in every book, often cramming them into places they really can't fit, in an attempt to create a mythology. What he doesn't ever seem to realize is that he already HAS a mythology; all his novels are already so delightfully interwoven that heroes from one become villains in another or the hero of one becomes a fictional character in a book the next hero might read. It's all so brilliantly meta that it doesn't need a forced mythology (and double props for giving me a chance to write "meta" where it makes sense).
So we don't need Hugo Rune (a fat com-man who makes outlandish claims of his own worth while tricking people into paying his restaurant bills), or Barry the Time-traveling Sprout (as sarcastic, stupid and unnecessary as he is in every Rankin book), or the Suburban Book of the Dead (a 'hilarious' spoof of the Necronomicon - I can't remember if it's in this one or not, but its every appearance in any book is so ham-fisted and forced that I had to mention it once) to make their obligatory appearances. These are the parts where the book bogs down intolerably. Just give me a nice little time-travel-magic-steampunk-Victorian adventure, let it be what it is on its own terms, and leave it the hell alone. The book works better that way.
Also luckily for me, the Witches of Chiswick is one of those better books - an extraordinarily imaginative time travel odyssey with more than enough madcap shenanigans to keep the pages turning.
I'll start this review by saying that I really think only the British have ever really understood time travel. There's something about the way the minds over in Jolly Olde England are wired - the minds that brought forth both Monty Python and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy seem to be the most comfortable with the bizarre twists a time travel story can take. With the exception of Back To The Future, of course, and the work of Terry Gilliam (a Pythoner although an American), most of the North American attempts at the genre fall into depressingly flat territory. That is why I would not be in the slightest bit surprised if the first real time machine is (or was, or may once be - oho!) invented in Britain.
That said, the time travel in the Witches of Chiswick and its sort-of sequel, Knees Up Mother Earth are exemplary. The story doesn't even get under way until the main character is spurred to action by his future self, gone back in time to get himself going. But I'm getting ahead of myself. In a far, depressing distopian future, humanity exists confined to several enormous bleak and broken high-rises, obesity is considered not just fashionable but sexy and our hero Will is a "too-skinny" young man who dreams of better and is convinced things have gone wrong long long before. Enter a mysterious stranger with a wristwatch branded "Babbage" and himself from three days hence, and Will suddenly finds himself thrust into an adventure that will lead him to discover H.G. Wells' genuine, honest to goodness time machine parked somewhere in the 21st century. The time machine propells him back to the London of 1899 and the discovery of wonders that have been hidden from history.
See, Charles Babbage's clockwork "adding machine" computer was not really a single novelty of the 1850s but the dawn of a Victorian computer age that by 1899 includes wristwatches, personal computers and robot assassins. Nicola Tesla did not really get the electricity rug yanked from under his feet by Edison, but in fact parlayed his much more visually interesting electrical inventions into "Tesla towers", giant globes dotted all over London that provide free electricity wirelessly to every citizen and somehow making flying hansom cabs not only possible but commonplace. It's a steampunk Victorian England with stovepipe hats and dapper gentlemen and amazing technology, and gets extra props just for finally giving me the opportunity to use the word "steampunk."
So why don't we know about all these wonderful advances? Why did the twentieth century dawn without these developments that could have changed the world, forcing us to invent our own versions of the exact same things that somehow seem paler and less wonderful? And how does this relate to the horrible future that Will knows is in store for the human race? The answer is that a secret cabal of witches (the ones from the title) are conspiring to rewrite history, and when the clock strikes midnight on New Years and ushers in the year 1900 the world will revert to the fairly prosaic modern world we know, millions of people somehow forgetting that their horseless carriages also used to fly. And somehow Will must stop it.
What Rankin does best is to take a listless and forgettable character into a wild and woolly situation and let him find a solution through skills he didn't know he had; or to have him be saved by a ridiculous Deus Ex Machina that works only because it fits the madness of the rest of the novel. Both of those things happen in this novel, although thankfully the final confrontation is just Will and his measly abilities against an evil force. Where it falls apart, as it does in every single one of his novels, is when he tries to insert his own peculiar panoply of recurring characters. He has these elements he tries to put in every book, often cramming them into places they really can't fit, in an attempt to create a mythology. What he doesn't ever seem to realize is that he already HAS a mythology; all his novels are already so delightfully interwoven that heroes from one become villains in another or the hero of one becomes a fictional character in a book the next hero might read. It's all so brilliantly meta that it doesn't need a forced mythology (and double props for giving me a chance to write "meta" where it makes sense).
So we don't need Hugo Rune (a fat com-man who makes outlandish claims of his own worth while tricking people into paying his restaurant bills), or Barry the Time-traveling Sprout (as sarcastic, stupid and unnecessary as he is in every Rankin book), or the Suburban Book of the Dead (a 'hilarious' spoof of the Necronomicon - I can't remember if it's in this one or not, but its every appearance in any book is so ham-fisted and forced that I had to mention it once) to make their obligatory appearances. These are the parts where the book bogs down intolerably. Just give me a nice little time-travel-magic-steampunk-Victorian adventure, let it be what it is on its own terms, and leave it the hell alone. The book works better that way.
January 21, 2021
It is my first book by Robert Rankin and a first sci-fy in a long time. It reads almost as a book focused on teenagers. Although I can’t imagine teens being that patient nowadays.
I enjoyed the humor and the concept of time travel. The idea itself is quite interesting. However, plot-wise I was disappointed. I kept waiting for the big grand finale but it never came. There were so many indications of it, including aliens but...
I did enjoy the interesting facts that get thrown here and there. However, it’s unlikely I’ll get back to reading this author
I enjoyed the humor and the concept of time travel. The idea itself is quite interesting. However, plot-wise I was disappointed. I kept waiting for the big grand finale but it never came. There were so many indications of it, including aliens but...
I did enjoy the interesting facts that get thrown here and there. However, it’s unlikely I’ll get back to reading this author
January 6, 2022
My step dad, used to read alot of Robert Rankin books when i was younger and i would hear him laughing away, but was "too young" to read them. I managed to get my hands on 30 of his books at a bargain price....I have found a new author.
Parts of this book, had me laughing and it is a rare a book will do it for me. He has a very unique style of writing and i love it. It is a great story line and does go back and forth alot, so can at times be hard to follow, but the ending was great. I will continue on my Rankin journey some more.
Parts of this book, had me laughing and it is a rare a book will do it for me. He has a very unique style of writing and i love it. It is a great story line and does go back and forth alot, so can at times be hard to follow, but the ending was great. I will continue on my Rankin journey some more.
March 20, 2019
A quite bizarre story about time travel, black magic conspiracies and lots of side stories that draw you into a bawdy romp through Victorian London. I laughed out loud, I even had to stop reading it on the train as I was laughing too loud. I marvelled at Rankin’s incredible imagination that pulls in so much of Victorian literature and history and mixes it all together into a wonderful experience for the reader.
I loved it!
I loved it!
November 26, 2022
I started this because I'd seen it recommended somewhere as talking about a conspiracy of time-travelers hiding or changing the past. Unfortunately, I didn't get far enough to even see the details on that. The future the author describes is boring, I don't like his patronizing tone toward his characters, and the characters themselves aren't sympathetic.
April 20, 2020
First and last book I will read by this author. Whilst I can appreciate the imagination it took I found it a bit too silly, slightly crude in places where there was no need and it dragged on. The ending was empty, disappointing, a let down, left me feeling was that it?
Currently reading
February 1, 2022It's been a long time since I've read any Robert Rankin and indeed I'd forgotten all about him until I saw this one in a local book swap box - and remembered it on my to-do list! Exactly the type of funny lightweight reading I need right now :)
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