Ellie always had questions about who she was and how she fit in. As a girl, she wore black, obsessed over Willow in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and found dating boys much more confusing than many of her friends did. As she grew older, so did her fears and a deep sense of unbelonging. From her first communion to her first girlfriend via a swathe of self-denial, awkward encounters, and everyday courage, Ellie tells her story through gorgeous illustrations--a fresh and funny self-portrait of a young woman becoming herself.
The Times I Knew I Was Gay reminds us that people sometimes come out not just once but again and again; that identity is not necessarily about falling in love with others, but about coming to terms with oneself. Full of vitality and humor, it will ring true for anyone who has taken the time to discover who they truly are.
Eleanor Crewes is a graphic novelist who specialises in queer autofiction. Her debut graphic novel, The Times I Knew I Was Gay, was published in the UK by Virago and in the US by Scribner in 2020, and was featured in O, The Oprah Magazine, The Washington Post and The Guardian. Her second graphic novel Lilla the Accidental Witch was published by Little, Brown Young Readers in 2021. She lives in London with her partner T and enjoys cooking her mother's Italian recipes.
Being a overly controlling, emotionless nerd, there are few things I love more than a pros and cons list.
I will take any excuse to make one. Such as this review, for example.
(I am so excited about this.)
Here we go!
Pro: - The art is cute.
Con: - Very confusing and kinda half done - The narrative felt like it came in stops and starts - This felt outside of the head of the narrator and not emotive in any way
Seems balanced to me.
Bottom line: I'm here for the cute art!!!
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cute. sweet. nice. yay.
review to come / 3.5 stars
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love that the pressure i am putting on myself to read a book a day is actually giving me anxiety :)
relatedly: it's graphic novel time
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reading all books with LGBTQ+ rep for pride this month!
A coming out book, nominated for The Goodreads Awards for Graphic Novels and Comics for 2020, yay, that makes the basic point that naming your identity can be a complicated process of starting and stopping and circling back and so on. So she "comes out" and then goes back to Tinder and dating boys and obsessing how she might appear to them, and so on. So there are times (see title) that she did not know she was gay, and this was not a linear process. And she has mini-breakdowns she associates now with not (yet) accepting who she really finally should be. So she comes out several times, actually. Not that that is surprising in the least. Nor is almost anything in the story really surprising, though I came to really like it a lot.
Why? I like the warm and sweet and inviting drawing style, which is simple and sort of informal. And that cover, hurrah! Brit Crewes makes herself and her path seem very real and relatable. One of my favorite aspects of this memoir is the fact that the character Willow from Buffy and the Vampire Slayer was crucially important to her young identity; I bet for hundreds of thousands of young queer viewers, they all raised their fists and said yes! Willow! For me, too! Oh, and the book has a happy ending, as coming out books most often do, of course.
I was sent this book as an advance copy by the publisher via NetGalley for reviewing purposes, but all opinions are my own.
This was quick and easy to read in theory, but in reality I dragged through the first four chapters for two weeks. There's just something about it (is it the art? is the narration? I don't know) that failed to be engaging, even as a queer person who could relate to some of the experiences here described. It was all very linear and there's nothing wrong with that except that it didn't feel like anything new. Of course I'm not talking about the author's life itself, I just mean that I felt like the art didn't add much to the story and I would have felt exactly the same about it by just reading the text alone.
While it dragged first, I finished the rest of it in one sitting. I still don't know how to talk about a graphic memoir without seeming like I'm gossiping about the author's life but I think the most significant thing this book adds to the conversation is the fact that coming out is rarely a linear process, you can come out to yourself and even to others in a sudden moment of clarity and then just....continue lying to yourself for months or years.
If this is your first graphic memoir about someone's coming out story or if you're questioning or struggling with coming out I think this is a good place to start, it just wasn't for me.
Cudowna powieść graficzna, w której nie brakuje czułego „rozprawiania się” z przeszłością i wyciągania mądrych wniosków przy jednoczesnym byciu wyrozumiałym dla siebie.
I love this. As the author points out, there is this general idea about coming out that presupposes gay people are born in the closet and it's basically just picking the right moment to come out.. while there are many people who can't accept their own sexuality, or simply don't (yet) know they might be gay. Completely logical when you think about it, but a great observation and distinction to be made. Another eye-opening observation (at least for me) is that coming out doesn't have to be a single occurrence. Of course there are separate instances - coming out to your parents, coming out to your friends, etc. But it can also mean you have to come out several times to finally accept it yourself.
Eleanor Crewes tells of her many times coming out, in a searingly honest and personal way. It's an incredibly sweet story, heartbreaking and funny, all at once. It's been a long time since I repeatedly found myself wanting to give a book's main character a hug.
The art is light and cartoony, with small changes in texture and style when the story needs it.
A book for anyone who is wrestling with their identity (or has wrestled with it), and especially a book for young LGTBQ+ people.
(Kindly received an ARC from Scribner through Edelweiss)
In this sweet and extremely relatable graphic memoir, Eleanor Crewes recounts her experience of coming to terms with her sexuality. Crewes' simple yet cute art style makes her story easy to read, even when she's relating her anxieties and loneliness. At school, she tries to fit in with other girls her age but time and again feels unsure of who she is or who she is trying to be. It is during her time at university that Crewes' begins to truly question her sexuality and herself. But, as Crewes so brilliantly demonstrates, just because you 'come out' does not mean you are comfortable with who you are or who you like. I highly related to Crewes' memoir having had similar experiences to her. Growing up I was aware of wanting to hide who I was, even if I wasn't sure why that was. I remember how afraid I was when my so-called friends would call me a 'lesbica', using this word disparagingly, or felt the need to say that they were not gay in my presence. For a long time I told myself I was bisexual as I believed it was a 'better' alternative to being lesbian. Crewes' adventures with online dating were also really relatable as well as her numerous coming outs. I appreciated that this memoir shows that one's identity and/or sexuality may shift or change, and that coming to terms with those things can be difficult and confusing, even today. If you are looking for a funny and honest coming-of-age I think you should give The Times I Knew I Was Gay a chance.
A memoir about a young woman figuring out her own identity, part of which was determining she was gay. It's an open, honest, rambling story with little structure. I wouldn't label this a graphic novel. There isn't any sequential art. I'd call it more of an illustrated memoir. I found the art rudimentary and the story meandering and way too drawn out.
Eleanor Crewes originally published her autobiographical sketches as zines, dropping them off at venues across London, this was in 2017 at the height of the zine revival. And I really wish that’s how I’d first come across her material. One of the charms of this kind of zine is its rough-and-ready mix of concrete and ephemeral; the way the content, the form, the design and cultural context are all bound up together. Print zines have a certain aura that’s linked to that whole thrill of discovering them in an out-of-the way gallery or bookshop, that sense of encountering something new: handmade and spontaneous, more a type of creative artwork than a publication, something radiating authenticity.
Once you take something that originated as part of the D.I.Y. zine scene and repackage it as a very conventional, printed book that somehow changes its whole nature. And I found it almost impossible not to judge this version of Crewes's story by completely different standards, another set of expectations and genre conventions. I suppose the essence of what I’m trying to say here is that what might have captivated me as a unique, small-scale, hand-printed publication, really didn’t have the same impact positioned alongside more polished, graphic memoirs. This is too slight, too fragmented, and it’s a little too naïve both visually and in terms of the content. As a ‘coming out’ narrative, I didn’t think it was particularly arresting or innovative, a lot of the content seemed slightly stock, the themes and references underdeveloped and oddly muted. That said it’s a very accessible piece with a lot of potentially relatable content, so I suppose it might be more effective aimed at a YA audience starting to explore the issues Crewes is grappling with here. Although compared to books by writers like Malinda Lo and Robin Talley it's a bit coy and indirect. Still there was enough I liked about this – or at least the idea behind it – to make me want to look out for what Crewes produces next.
Mam wrażenie, że mimo wszystko w tej książce brakowało emocji, a wszystko było wyjątkowo pospieszne. Nie zmienia to faktu, iż jest to bardzo realistyczna i potrzebna młodym osobom historia.
Many thanks to Scribner Books for the free copy in exchange for an honest review
This book was so much fun but heartbreaking and then fun again to read.
The Time I Knew I Was Gay tells the story of Eleanor (Ellie) and her journey as she explored her sexuality throughout the years.
I felt close to tears multiple times while reading this because I related to her journey so much.
I'm gay but being able to comfortably say that tooks years of work and I know what it's like to feel afraid or like something's wrong with you. I felt so touched by the entire book.
I also loved the design. My ARC is black and white (I'm not sure if it will be colored when it comes out or not) but it was beautifully drawn.
Overall, I was really touched by this sweet and hopeful graphic memoir.
I LOVED this graphic novel. It was a look at the messy, two steps forward three steps back journey to personal identity. This isn't a neat coming out story, but it's seemingly unflinchingly personally honest about her journey and the way the stories she made up about her wants and desires misled her for years. Compelling, funny, endearing, and touching.
Thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
This reads like a series of diary excerpts mixed with sketchbook pages. One of my favorite sections tells of Crewes's teenage love for the character of Willow from Buffy The Vampire Slayer, which somehow did not tip her off to the fact she was gay, though maybe it should have. Crewes describes the self-knowledge of her own queerness as a secret envelope that she gave to herself, a message that took her a long time to open. She came out once in the high of a good New Year's party to friends, but then retreated from it. When she finally got to the place of fully accepting herself, it made so many things fall into place. I really liked the art, which is loose and sketchy, though I almost wished the book were longer, or that a bit more had been pack into it's pages.
Seeing Eleanor’s journey through her sexuality was complex and I really enjoyed seeing how she got to navigate through the ups and downs of coming out 5 times haha.
I truly recommend this book to anyone, whether you’re still trying to figure things out or not.
Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
Simple yet eloquent. Funny & relatable (on the struggle of labels and realizing those might apply to you side of things). A quick read about just another queer trying to make their way and find love in the wide, wild world.
The Times I Knew I Was Gay is a very charming graphic memoir that many queer people will find themselves relating to.
It can be hard to review and rate memoirs but I can truly say that I just absolutely loved the way that this author told their story. The art style is super simple, almost just a doodle style, but it completely fits the way this story and the way that it is told.
It was also just a super quick read and something that I can see myself picking up again and again, so I definitely want to buy a physical copy of this to just have as a coffee table book. It is just filled with so many charming, funny and relatable moments, that I know I will cherish again.
This was really an absolutely incredible graphic memoir that I would highly recommend. As far as memoirs go, it is very easy to read and could be a good entry into the genre, especially if you are generally a fan of graphic formats.
A arte é fofa mas a historia em si achei meio simples e nao muito emotiva? Tipo, nao mexeu cmg e parece que ficou faltando alguma coisa. Acho meio estranho fazer review de memoirs pq é sobre a vida da autora entao pq eu to julgando a vida dela? kkkkkkkkkk Mas como hq achei meio fraquinha.
Przyjemna powieść graficzna, która pokazuje, jak relacje z nami samymi wpływają na pozostałe aspekty życia. Najpierw jesteśmy dla siebie, a później dla reszty świata.
Są to tytułowe „queerowe chwile” i jeśli chodzi o coming out(y) autorki, to miała ona duże wsparcie od strony najbliższych, a niestety, nie każdy może na to liczyć. 💔
Memoirs are odd. They wrap a whole person into a small collection of pages with a select few narratives and identities that can be explored. How can a person, a living human being with Real Life experiences, accurately crescendo the stories of their past into who they are now?
Pacing. That's how. Building up to a fulfilling conclusion that somewhat encompasses the facets of the author's personality that they wanted to discuss. And that, frankly, was absent in this memoir. Maybe it was the format, maybe it was the sparse and inconsistent writing and dialogue.
So I couldn't get into it. As much as I empathize with how vulnerable and widespread, especially in queer communities, some of the issues portrayed, I couldn't get myself to care all too much. It felt like the issues would have been better handled with a slower and more intimate setting rather than dialogue and occasional sentences accompanying.
As for the representation of queerness, it was fine. It wasn't earthshaking; it was very surface level and felt skimmed over despite the memoir not focusing on anything else. But that's okay, shallow entrances to marginalized identities are good for newcomers to all things queer.
That's just not me. And that's okay, it wasn't written for me.
I wasn't sure what to expect from this memoir, as it seemed quite short and simple. But actually that ended up being its main strength: it's super to the point in the way it tells the story, but still packs a real emotional punch, and I found it extremely relatable.
Book blurb: .... reminds us that people sometimes come out not just once but again and again; that identity is not necessarily about falling in love with others, but about coming to terms with oneself.
I expected to love this coming of age, queer graphic memoir, and while I'm glad that books like these exist it doesn't tread any new ground, or explore anything that hasn't been explored in much greater depth. It isn't a graphic novel so much as an illustrated memoir/diary.
I liked getting a look at the author's coming of age story, especially the reminder that coming to terms with who we are is not something that happens in an instant. That's a life-long process. What made me happy was that this doesn't end in a horrible way, aka, the lesbian doesn't die at the end (not a spoiler as she's written this book after all), and that might be very helpful to anyone struggling with identity issues when they pick this up. While this is labeled adult, it would work well for YA readers.
I keep accidentally reading graphic novels at work in my downtime. I never really mean to pick it up and read it all in one sitting but suddenly I’ve been standing there for ten minutes and I’ve read the entire thing. Loved this. Deeply relatable. Was practically like reading my own freaking diary, down to the obsession with Buffy as a kid and my fi! 10/10 for humor, relatability, and lesbianism.
The story follows Ellie from a child in elementary school all the way up to when she is in her early twenties. It explores Ellie's struggles with fitting in, having an eating disorder and dealing with her sexuality.
Ellie as a character is precious. She is very relatable and experiences a lot of thing many of the readers can relate with. I also liked how the author specifically says how coming out doesn't need to be on big event. She shows us a different type of story through this book, where she comes out many time, even finally feeling accepted and with one owns skin doesn't all happen at once.
I also really enjoyed reading her story one she did came out and started to find love. Her whole demeanour changes and all for the better. Her happiness is immediately felt by the reader. Crewes did a wonderful job in conveying her emotions through the novel and threw such simple illustrations.
I would recommend this book if you love reading OwnVoices, LGBTQ+ voices or coming to age stories.
I very enjoyable read!
I received this free copy from Netgalley in exchange for my honest opinions.
I must say I expected more. This is, after all, a graphic novel from a major book publisher. One that started off as a ten page zine the author pedaled around on her bike distributing to comic book stores and look how well that worked out, a success story and all that, but…it seems this one mostly skated by on having a timely subject instead of, say, quality of originality. Of course, this is a memoir, so rating quality and originality is challenging, since it’s literally someone’s life you’re talking about. But one must try. And so...first off, it isn’t someone’s entire life, just a journey leading up to and covering the coming out of the closet. A huge thing, unquestionably, but done is such a weird slow motion fashion featuring such a staggering lack of self awareness that you’d think even that closet was groaning after a while and saying things like ok, already, just come out. Mind you, this is a contemporary young woman from a very nice and reasonable family living in a major metropolis, who is so inexplicably emotionally stunted that she doesn’t realize she’s gay for the longest time and then takes forever coming out. And sure, it’s great she comes out (finally) and good job and all that, but her journey there is so bizarrely protracted and meandering and her personality and levels of personal awareness are so lackluster that it doesn’t especially make for a very compelling or interesting read. I mean, preteens are coming out as transgender these days, which is pretty radical…and this was kind of the opposite of that. This is a tap your foot impatiently, aha, it’s about freaking time, sort of coming out story. I’m sure some will find it relatable and possibly even profound, but for me it just didn’t work as a book. It wasn’t interesting, the protagonist wasn’t especially likeable or charming and the art was way basic, even by cartoon standards. Just simple black and white line drawings with similar and funky looking people. Very quick read based on a very low word count, which in this case is a reflection of underwhelming context. Maybe it should have just stayed a ten page zine. But either way, it was a quick read.
Let me just put it plainly first: I love reading. I love books. Often I feel like I can’t get enough of it. This book? I’d like it unpublished, and the original rough draft shredded before anyone could read it.
Okay, so usually when I write reviews on books, I have many things to say. However, this time, I don’t. This book was completely awful, it was just not good.
And that is simply because the only good part about this was the illustrations. Not sure I’d read another graphic novel by one of the collaborators. The story seemed so bland, sounded just like every single other coming out story in modern literature today, when in reality, not all coming out stories are the same.
The illustrations are the only reason i had forced myself to finish this book.
There was a lack of diversity, character development, and I noticed myself often checking how close I was to the end, when the next chapter started, and looking for pages with hardly any words so I could flip through quickly. I’m usually a sucker for graphic novels, however, not this one.
I will not recommend this to anyone, nor will I ever read it again. It felt like a waste of time, and I beg you to take my advice.
However, if you’re still interested, here is my traditional list of common themes, tropes, etc. that I add to each review I make.
Read this graphic novel if you like: ⭐️ lgbtq+ nonfiction ⭐️ relatable stories about coming out, or just coming out stories in general ⭐️ self-discovering ⭐️ wlw ⭐️ quick page turners ⭐️ lack of consistency (sorry i just hate this book)
Thank you to Netgalley and Scribner for the ARC in exchange for this honest review.
Although each LGBT+ person's coming out story is idiosyncratic, there are also many similarities, and I think anyone who has been through it can relate to at least some of this. Being male and 40 years older than the author, much of this didn't quite resonate, but I could still appreciate the author's candor and courage in telling her own story. The drawings, although simplistic, are clever and 'cute', and the book reads quickly (I devoured it in a little over an hour).
It's the perfect book for a young person who may not quite be comfortable with or even recognize what their own feelings might mean. Perhaps it's an unfair comparison, but this doesn't quite have the depth of Alison Bechdel's canon, but there is certainly room for more than ONE lesbian graphic artist, and for what it is, it's quite charming.
A stumbling and shuffling account of stumbling and shuffling through coming out as gay. It's a pleasant enough read, but falls just a smidge outside the zone of "like" for me due to the lack of flow in the story and art. That may be due to the format of having only one or two images on each two-page spread and having to turn pages repeatedly to compete a single thought.
This 320-page 2020 edition is an expanded version of a 2018 edition that had only 120 pages. I searched for some images of the 2018 pages and see that in the conversion Crewes sometimes cut an original image in two horizontally, made adjustments to any overlapping word balloons and figures, and pasted the resulting halves on opposing pages in the 2020 version. Some other material seems to have been deleted or redrawn. I wonder if I would have preferred that take on the material?