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311 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1999
“Mom rescued him from an animal shelter where she was doing some volunteer work.”As if that wasn’t enough, the entire town is obsessed with ensuring that despite the three weddings, Meg doesn’t end up as “never the bride”. Eileen, Meg’s most scatterbrained bride, when she isn’t airily proposing yet another insane and formidably work-intensive wedding idea, keeps attempting to set Meg up with her husband-to-be’s Neanderthal brother Barry, and won’t take no for an answer. Meg’s mother, one of the most demanding brides, refuses to accept that Meg is no longer interested in her previous boyfriend, no matter how stridently she protests:
“Oh, that’s so nice,” the bridesmaid said.
“She is fond of remarking that he must have been mistreated,” Michael said, “and will mellow when he learns to expect food and kindness instead of ill treatment.”
“Oh, then she hasn’t had him long,” I said.
“Only seven years.”
“I wouldn’t get back together with him if he were the last human male on earth—which would be impossible anyway, because Jeffrey is not human, he is a vaguely humanoid reptile. Please delete Jeffrey from your memory banks. This is a recording.”
“You mean there’s someone else wearing a gorilla suit? Is it contagious?”
“I was finally drifting off to sleep when I heard an unearthly shriek. I started upright in panic before realizing that it was the same damned unearthly shriek we’d been hearing repeatedly for the past several days. “Damn those peacocks,” I muttered.“