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147 pages, Paperback
Published November 9, 2021
Shane and I had been back in contact, but we were not in touch. Whenever I’d heard from him over the last several years, he was texting some version of “I don’t want to be here” from parties, work, restaurants, nightclubs, gallery openings, and holidays. I agreed with him. Most of those sounded horrible. His texts were funny, but I knew he was serious. Accumulated, they showed a man who never wanted to be anywhere, who was looking to leave, then he did.
We talked about escorting as a positive experience. I said it may have even created my self-esteem. To be an effeminate boy despised and mocked and at sea in his body, then to be adored and paid to bare that body had been powerful. I believed the words as I said them but knew I wouldn’t later.