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The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living
Free yourself from depression, anxiety, and insecurity, and instead build a rich and meaningful life with the updated and expanded edition of the world’s best-selling guide to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Over 1 million copies sold!
In The Happiness Trap, Dr. Russ Harris provides a means to escape the epidemic of stress, anxiety, and depression, unlocking the secrets to a truly fulfilling life.
Updated and expanded by fifty percent in its second edition, this empowering book presents the insights and techniques of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), covering more topics and providing more practical tools than ever before. Learn how to clarify your values, develop self-compassion, and find true satisfaction with this bigger and better guide to:
Reducing stress and worry
Handling painful thoughts and feelings more effectively
Breaking self-defeating habits
Overcoming insecurity and self-doubt
Building better relationships
Improving performance and finding fulfilment at work
New topics include activiating self-compassion; how to deal with loneliness, grief, and trauma; how to work with difficult behaviors like people-pleasing, perfectionism, and procrastination; and how to make difficult decisions.
The Happiness Trap is for everyone. Whether you’re lacking confidence, facing illness, coping with loss, working in a high-stress job, or suffering from anxiety or depression, this book will show you how to build authentic happiness, from the inside out.
©2008 Russ Harris (P)2022 Shambhala Publications
Over 1 million copies sold!
In The Happiness Trap, Dr. Russ Harris provides a means to escape the epidemic of stress, anxiety, and depression, unlocking the secrets to a truly fulfilling life.
Updated and expanded by fifty percent in its second edition, this empowering book presents the insights and techniques of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), covering more topics and providing more practical tools than ever before. Learn how to clarify your values, develop self-compassion, and find true satisfaction with this bigger and better guide to:
Reducing stress and worry
Handling painful thoughts and feelings more effectively
Breaking self-defeating habits
Overcoming insecurity and self-doubt
Building better relationships
Improving performance and finding fulfilment at work
New topics include activiating self-compassion; how to deal with loneliness, grief, and trauma; how to work with difficult behaviors like people-pleasing, perfectionism, and procrastination; and how to make difficult decisions.
The Happiness Trap is for everyone. Whether you’re lacking confidence, facing illness, coping with loss, working in a high-stress job, or suffering from anxiety or depression, this book will show you how to build authentic happiness, from the inside out.
©2008 Russ Harris (P)2022 Shambhala Publications
12 pages, Audible Audio
First published January 1, 2007
About the author
Russ Harris
90 books540 followersDr Russ Harris is a medically-qualified doctor, stress consultant, executive coach, trainer, author, and a leading authority in the powerful new paradigm of Psychological Flexibility. (This is a revolutionary new development in human psychology that enhances performance, reduces stress, and improves health and wellbeing.) Dr Russ regularly presents workshops on Psychological Flexibility at both national and international psychology conferences, and has a thriving business traveling around Australia running training seminars for psychologists, coaches and a variety of health professionals.
Dr Russ's first book, 'The Happiness Trap', was published in Australia in March 2007, and is already well on the way to becoming a bestseller. (The title reflects a key theme in the book - that popular ideas about happiness are misleading, inaccurate, and actually make us miserable in the long term.) He is currently completing his second book 'From Fear To Fulfilment' - which is also the title of his most popular talk.
Back in the early nineties, when Russ was a GP in Melbourne, he moonlighted as a stand-up comedian, and as well as appearing regularly on the Melbourne comedy circuit, he featured on TV shows such as Tonight Live with Steve Vizard, and The Mid-Day Show with Ray Martin. As a result of this experience, his talks are fast-paced, engaging and humorous - as well as being action-packed with information, tools, and techniques for reducing stress, enhancing performance, and increasing vitality.
Dr Russ's first book, 'The Happiness Trap', was published in Australia in March 2007, and is already well on the way to becoming a bestseller. (The title reflects a key theme in the book - that popular ideas about happiness are misleading, inaccurate, and actually make us miserable in the long term.) He is currently completing his second book 'From Fear To Fulfilment' - which is also the title of his most popular talk.
Back in the early nineties, when Russ was a GP in Melbourne, he moonlighted as a stand-up comedian, and as well as appearing regularly on the Melbourne comedy circuit, he featured on TV shows such as Tonight Live with Steve Vizard, and The Mid-Day Show with Ray Martin. As a result of this experience, his talks are fast-paced, engaging and humorous - as well as being action-packed with information, tools, and techniques for reducing stress, enhancing performance, and increasing vitality.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,161 reviews
May 16, 2012
It’s worth it in the end. - That is my first thought that describes this book. When I began this book I did not enjoy it. Honestly, it annoyed me.
By the time I finished it I realized ways I could make substantial improvements in my life.
First: The annoying part.
The author (Dr. Harris) seems to assume that all his readers have the same thought processes, make the same mistakes, and can be fixed the same way.
He begins by telling us we likely believe four myths.
Myth 1: Happiness Is the Natural State for All Human Beings
Myth 2: If You’re Not Happy, You’re Defective
Myth 3: To Create a Better Life, We Must Get Rid of Negative Feelings
Myth 4: You Should Be Able to Control What You Think and Feel
I don’t think most people believe THESE myths. I think they believe truths that are very closely related to these that get twisted.
1: Happiness is a possible natural state for all human beings (happiness, not pleasure)
2: You can learn to be happier by fixing your defective habits
3: You can create a better life, and you will have less negative feelings.
4: You should gain better control of your thoughts and feelings as you progress.
Doctor Harris spends half the book teaching a useful but difficult lesson. We have two ways of thinking or two minds. We have the “observing” and the “thinking” mind. The observing mind is always observing and recording. It doesn’t interpret or judge, it just observes what’s there. Then our thinking mind can interpret that information if need be, or think about something else entirely. That’s why you can drive your car on the interstate and not remember the last 15 miles because you’ve been thinking about something. Your observing mind always observed you were driving in your lane, so your thinking mind left it alone and pondered something else.
He teaches us how to stop beating ourselves up for the constant flow of thoughts we can’t really control. Thoughts will come that we never wanted. When we dwell on them or try to drive them out, we always seem to make things worse and end up angry or upset at ourselves. He teaches us to simply accept the thought, and then move on. Don’t dwell on it, not try to avoid it. Acknowledge it – it’s just a thought. It’s not an action, it’s not a destiny. It’s a thought, you had it, it was there, and you can’t change that. Accept it, then move on.
The end of the book is great. It teaches how to make real change that brings real happiness. Happiness comes from living according to your values. He urges us to spend REAL time discovering our values. Not our goals, or what society tells us to care about, but what we REALLY care about. Figure those values out, then set immediate, short medium, and long term goals that are congruent with your values.
I’m using what I’ve learned, and my life is getting better. What more can I say?
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:
“Today’s middle class lives better than did the Royalty of not so long ago, and yet humans today don’t seem very happy.” – p. 2
“You won’t change your life simply by reading this book.” – p. 35
“We have many thousands of useless or unhelpful thoughts every day.” – p. 49
“Letting the radio play on without giving it much attention is very different from actively trying to ignore it.” – p. 66
“Despite everything you’ve tried over the years, isn’t it a fact that your mind still produces unpleasant pictures?” – p. 75
“What would I attempt if thoughts of failure didn’t deter me?” – p. 79
“The fight-or-flight is often triggered in situations where it is of little or no use to us.” – p. 85
“Any search for a Pain-free existence is doomed to failure.” – p. 137
“What do you want your life to be about?” – P. 167
“He who has the why to live for, can bear almost any how.” – F. Nietzsche – p. 170
“Never set as your goal something that a dead person can do better than you.” – p. 186
“If you’re living a goal-focused life, then no matter what you have, it’s never enough…find the values underlying your goals.” – p. 198
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain – p. 216
“Commitment isn’t about being perfect, always following through, or never going astray. Commitment means that when you (inevitably) stumble or get off track, you pick yourself up, find your bearings, and carry on.” – p. 219
“Success in life means living by your values.” – p. 221
“If you don’t decide where you’re going, you’ll end up wherever you’re heading.” – p. 232
By the time I finished it I realized ways I could make substantial improvements in my life.
First: The annoying part.
The author (Dr. Harris) seems to assume that all his readers have the same thought processes, make the same mistakes, and can be fixed the same way.
He begins by telling us we likely believe four myths.
Myth 1: Happiness Is the Natural State for All Human Beings
Myth 2: If You’re Not Happy, You’re Defective
Myth 3: To Create a Better Life, We Must Get Rid of Negative Feelings
Myth 4: You Should Be Able to Control What You Think and Feel
I don’t think most people believe THESE myths. I think they believe truths that are very closely related to these that get twisted.
1: Happiness is a possible natural state for all human beings (happiness, not pleasure)
2: You can learn to be happier by fixing your defective habits
3: You can create a better life, and you will have less negative feelings.
4: You should gain better control of your thoughts and feelings as you progress.
Doctor Harris spends half the book teaching a useful but difficult lesson. We have two ways of thinking or two minds. We have the “observing” and the “thinking” mind. The observing mind is always observing and recording. It doesn’t interpret or judge, it just observes what’s there. Then our thinking mind can interpret that information if need be, or think about something else entirely. That’s why you can drive your car on the interstate and not remember the last 15 miles because you’ve been thinking about something. Your observing mind always observed you were driving in your lane, so your thinking mind left it alone and pondered something else.
He teaches us how to stop beating ourselves up for the constant flow of thoughts we can’t really control. Thoughts will come that we never wanted. When we dwell on them or try to drive them out, we always seem to make things worse and end up angry or upset at ourselves. He teaches us to simply accept the thought, and then move on. Don’t dwell on it, not try to avoid it. Acknowledge it – it’s just a thought. It’s not an action, it’s not a destiny. It’s a thought, you had it, it was there, and you can’t change that. Accept it, then move on.
The end of the book is great. It teaches how to make real change that brings real happiness. Happiness comes from living according to your values. He urges us to spend REAL time discovering our values. Not our goals, or what society tells us to care about, but what we REALLY care about. Figure those values out, then set immediate, short medium, and long term goals that are congruent with your values.
I’m using what I’ve learned, and my life is getting better. What more can I say?
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:
“Today’s middle class lives better than did the Royalty of not so long ago, and yet humans today don’t seem very happy.” – p. 2
“You won’t change your life simply by reading this book.” – p. 35
“We have many thousands of useless or unhelpful thoughts every day.” – p. 49
“Letting the radio play on without giving it much attention is very different from actively trying to ignore it.” – p. 66
“Despite everything you’ve tried over the years, isn’t it a fact that your mind still produces unpleasant pictures?” – p. 75
“What would I attempt if thoughts of failure didn’t deter me?” – p. 79
“The fight-or-flight is often triggered in situations where it is of little or no use to us.” – p. 85
“Any search for a Pain-free existence is doomed to failure.” – p. 137
“What do you want your life to be about?” – P. 167
“He who has the why to live for, can bear almost any how.” – F. Nietzsche – p. 170
“Never set as your goal something that a dead person can do better than you.” – p. 186
“If you’re living a goal-focused life, then no matter what you have, it’s never enough…find the values underlying your goals.” – p. 198
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain – p. 216
“Commitment isn’t about being perfect, always following through, or never going astray. Commitment means that when you (inevitably) stumble or get off track, you pick yourself up, find your bearings, and carry on.” – p. 219
“Success in life means living by your values.” – p. 221
“If you don’t decide where you’re going, you’ll end up wherever you’re heading.” – p. 232
August 8, 2009
I want to hate this book. It's so patronising and at times seriously flawed, logic-wise. It explains things with lots of exclamation marks! And drawn-out metaphors! And basically it's just the author going on, without drawing on any examples from the real world!
Despite all this, I'm persisting because, in amongst all the guff, there are some strategies in here that bloody well work. And they work fast. This pains me because I, like the people Harris loves to patronise in the book, am one of those that spent a lot of time working through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy strategies. To have Acceptance and Committment Therapy boy come in, sit down and go "Here's some things that will work for you. Got any biscuits?" is just plain annoying.
But I guess I just have to recognise that that's just a thought I'm having, don't I Russ?
Grr.
Update: I'm much less "grr" about this book now since I've been through all of it. I think I actually want to read it again and do the exercises more meticulously. The bottom line is, while the writing style isn't great, the strategies he's promoting are actually really good. Now it's just a matter of actually following through on them.
Despite all this, I'm persisting because, in amongst all the guff, there are some strategies in here that bloody well work. And they work fast. This pains me because I, like the people Harris loves to patronise in the book, am one of those that spent a lot of time working through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy strategies. To have Acceptance and Committment Therapy boy come in, sit down and go "Here's some things that will work for you. Got any biscuits?" is just plain annoying.
But I guess I just have to recognise that that's just a thought I'm having, don't I Russ?
Grr.
Update: I'm much less "grr" about this book now since I've been through all of it. I think I actually want to read it again and do the exercises more meticulously. The bottom line is, while the writing style isn't great, the strategies he's promoting are actually really good. Now it's just a matter of actually following through on them.
August 12, 2018
4.5 stars
An excellent book I would recommend to anyone interested in mental health, either their own or those around them, or the concept at large. In The Happiness Trap, Russ Harris crafts a persuasive, intelligent argument for why we should stop aiming for happiness and instead aim for a mindful, values-driven life. His ideas in this book come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a newer, third-wave cognitive behavioral therapy that has shown promising effectiveness in research studies. He starts the book by dispelling “happiness myths,” such as how happiness is the natural state for all humans, or how to live a better life we have to get rid of negative feelings. After this first section, he goes on to provide several strategies for increasing psychological flexibility, core principles that help us cultivate a rich and meaningful life. I will provide a super brief synopsis of each one:
1) Defusion: Recognizing thoughts, images, memories, and feelings as what they are – just words and pictures – without fighting them, running from them, or staying too focused on them
2) Expansion: Making additional room for these thoughts, images, memories, and feelings while allowing them to come and go as they please, without fighting them
3) Connection: Staying fully aware of the present moment and letting yourself experience the present moment with openness, interest, and receptiveness
4) The Observing Self: Bringing a pure awareness in which you observe your challenging, unpleasant thoughts and feelings without being hurt by them or subsumed by them
5) Values: Clarifying what is most important to you in your life, what sort of person you want to be, and not just focusing on external goals – focusing more on the expression of those values (e.g., “I want to practice connection with people” instead of “I want to be married to a romantic partner”)
6) Committed Action: Taking effective action in line with your values, no matter what the outcome and even if it is hard
As a therapist and has someone who has been in therapy, I love ACT. I find it so effective for myself and for clients, and I appreciate its emphasis on both sitting with and honoring difficult emotions while also taking action to change your situation for the better. In a capitalist, often external and outward focused society, ACT’s commitment to internal awareness and values makes me so happy (and I recognize happiness is not the goal, ha). Harris also provides several relevant, clear, and applied examples of his theories which aids in this book’s appeal to a mass audience. In some ways it reads like a more accessible version of this Acceptance and Commitment Therapy book, though I would recommend that book too without a doubt. My only critique is that I wish Harris had addressed how these theories may or may not apply to various minorities, as the studies examining ACT’s efficacy has mostly focused on white samples (though that is changing slowly, very slowly). Even a nod toward how we need a more culturally-relevant understanding of ACT would have helped, just to acknowledge that not all people are the same and thus we should make sure our therapies apply to folks of different backgrounds. Also, I think he could have done a better job of more thoroughly giving credit to the Buddhist/non-western roots of where some of his ideas came from. Still, a highly recommended read for those interested in Psychology and mental health.
An excellent book I would recommend to anyone interested in mental health, either their own or those around them, or the concept at large. In The Happiness Trap, Russ Harris crafts a persuasive, intelligent argument for why we should stop aiming for happiness and instead aim for a mindful, values-driven life. His ideas in this book come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a newer, third-wave cognitive behavioral therapy that has shown promising effectiveness in research studies. He starts the book by dispelling “happiness myths,” such as how happiness is the natural state for all humans, or how to live a better life we have to get rid of negative feelings. After this first section, he goes on to provide several strategies for increasing psychological flexibility, core principles that help us cultivate a rich and meaningful life. I will provide a super brief synopsis of each one:
1) Defusion: Recognizing thoughts, images, memories, and feelings as what they are – just words and pictures – without fighting them, running from them, or staying too focused on them
2) Expansion: Making additional room for these thoughts, images, memories, and feelings while allowing them to come and go as they please, without fighting them
3) Connection: Staying fully aware of the present moment and letting yourself experience the present moment with openness, interest, and receptiveness
4) The Observing Self: Bringing a pure awareness in which you observe your challenging, unpleasant thoughts and feelings without being hurt by them or subsumed by them
5) Values: Clarifying what is most important to you in your life, what sort of person you want to be, and not just focusing on external goals – focusing more on the expression of those values (e.g., “I want to practice connection with people” instead of “I want to be married to a romantic partner”)
6) Committed Action: Taking effective action in line with your values, no matter what the outcome and even if it is hard
As a therapist and has someone who has been in therapy, I love ACT. I find it so effective for myself and for clients, and I appreciate its emphasis on both sitting with and honoring difficult emotions while also taking action to change your situation for the better. In a capitalist, often external and outward focused society, ACT’s commitment to internal awareness and values makes me so happy (and I recognize happiness is not the goal, ha). Harris also provides several relevant, clear, and applied examples of his theories which aids in this book’s appeal to a mass audience. In some ways it reads like a more accessible version of this Acceptance and Commitment Therapy book, though I would recommend that book too without a doubt. My only critique is that I wish Harris had addressed how these theories may or may not apply to various minorities, as the studies examining ACT’s efficacy has mostly focused on white samples (though that is changing slowly, very slowly). Even a nod toward how we need a more culturally-relevant understanding of ACT would have helped, just to acknowledge that not all people are the same and thus we should make sure our therapies apply to folks of different backgrounds. Also, I think he could have done a better job of more thoroughly giving credit to the Buddhist/non-western roots of where some of his ideas came from. Still, a highly recommended read for those interested in Psychology and mental health.
January 11, 2018
I don’t know how I feel about this book. It’s basically a client-friendly overview of Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) and offers instructions on how to implement associated techniques and interventions.
Essentially, ACT suggests that there is no way to eliminate pain in life, so learning to accept it and channel your energy into activities that have value to you leaves you more prepared to live effectively and without a lot of wasted time fighting reality.
I agree with the central theory. Humans naturally and inevitably experience a whole range of emotion, including distressing emotion, and it’s much healthier to remain in a non-judgmental, accepting place as opposed to getting all wrapped up in futile attempts to push unpleasant emotion away (bottling) or simply letting it consume and paralyze you (dwelling).
I also agree that the majority of the suggested techniques associated with ACT are beneficial for many people. There’s a lot of really easy-to-try (sometimes oversimplified) techniques that make sitting with unpleasant emotion a little easier and more accessible to folks who have spent a lot of time and energy trying to control emotion rather than accept it.
I take issue with two things in relation to this book. First, there were a few times as I was reading that the tone felt condescending. I felt very little empathy or understanding in relation to how difficult it can be to endure the kinds of things that go beyond the basic, universal aches and pains of life. I found this particularly weird given that the author is a therapist himself…
Sure, with practice these little exercises get easier, but not everyone can immediately turn their crippling grief or rage or trauma into “demons on the boat” that simply need to be acknowledged and dismissed in order to “turn the ship toward shore.” Emotions can’t physically hurt you, that’s true, and we’re absolutely strong enough to process even our most upsetting emotions, but sometimes worksheets and values clarification just aren’t enough, or at the very least come off as remarkably naive and simplistic.
Try telling a victim of rape or severe domestic violence, for instance, to “just make space” for their anger and shame and trauma. Or telling a grieving wife who lost her husband of 60 years and is now potentially homeless with no support that she should “accept” her fear and heartache and helplessness. I suppose that ACT might be appropriate after some time has passed and folks like this are experiencing more stability, but I also think that there are some things that need deeper exploration than ACT can offer.
Harris did mention several times throughout the book to take what works and leave the rest. I just hope he meant that we could leave the whole thing if necessary and determined to be clinically appropriate. As a therapist, I can’t imagine he meant anything else so I’m just going to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one.
Secondly, I also find it problematic how ACT (as presented in this book) hijacks Eastern philosophies that have been around for thousands of years, repackages them, and sells them as a new, primarily Western therapeutic modality. Harris was explicit about the fact that none of what he was describing was related to religion, meditation, spirituality, etc. and yet the primary technique (breathe, accept, remain mindful and non-judgmental) is nearly a word-for-word definition of many Eastern meditative practices, stripped of their cultural and spiritual context.
Additionally, the way that Harris describes the underlying theory of ACT sure sounds a lot like Buddhist philosophy, even though it hasn’t been labeled as such. Life is pain; non-attachment is the solution; the importance of mindfulness; the benefit of breath work… This all starts to feel a lot like cultural appropriation and philosophical plagiarism.
I’m not saying ACT is worthless, that all of it is stolen, or that it should be discarded in favor of more religiously and culturally traditional practices. I *am* saying that instead of distancing ACT from obvious Eastern connections, it would seem more appropriate to deliberately and respectfully highlight the connections, give credit where credit is due, and *then* point out that it’s possible to utilize some of these ancient practices with modern Western cues, in a non-religious way in service of our mental health (as Easterners figured out, like, forever ago).
Anyway. This review has gotten long and rambling. In sum, I think Harris and ACT have a lot to offer, I just have some personal beef with the way it was presented in this particular book.
Essentially, ACT suggests that there is no way to eliminate pain in life, so learning to accept it and channel your energy into activities that have value to you leaves you more prepared to live effectively and without a lot of wasted time fighting reality.
I agree with the central theory. Humans naturally and inevitably experience a whole range of emotion, including distressing emotion, and it’s much healthier to remain in a non-judgmental, accepting place as opposed to getting all wrapped up in futile attempts to push unpleasant emotion away (bottling) or simply letting it consume and paralyze you (dwelling).
I also agree that the majority of the suggested techniques associated with ACT are beneficial for many people. There’s a lot of really easy-to-try (sometimes oversimplified) techniques that make sitting with unpleasant emotion a little easier and more accessible to folks who have spent a lot of time and energy trying to control emotion rather than accept it.
I take issue with two things in relation to this book. First, there were a few times as I was reading that the tone felt condescending. I felt very little empathy or understanding in relation to how difficult it can be to endure the kinds of things that go beyond the basic, universal aches and pains of life. I found this particularly weird given that the author is a therapist himself…
Sure, with practice these little exercises get easier, but not everyone can immediately turn their crippling grief or rage or trauma into “demons on the boat” that simply need to be acknowledged and dismissed in order to “turn the ship toward shore.” Emotions can’t physically hurt you, that’s true, and we’re absolutely strong enough to process even our most upsetting emotions, but sometimes worksheets and values clarification just aren’t enough, or at the very least come off as remarkably naive and simplistic.
Try telling a victim of rape or severe domestic violence, for instance, to “just make space” for their anger and shame and trauma. Or telling a grieving wife who lost her husband of 60 years and is now potentially homeless with no support that she should “accept” her fear and heartache and helplessness. I suppose that ACT might be appropriate after some time has passed and folks like this are experiencing more stability, but I also think that there are some things that need deeper exploration than ACT can offer.
Harris did mention several times throughout the book to take what works and leave the rest. I just hope he meant that we could leave the whole thing if necessary and determined to be clinically appropriate. As a therapist, I can’t imagine he meant anything else so I’m just going to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one.
Secondly, I also find it problematic how ACT (as presented in this book) hijacks Eastern philosophies that have been around for thousands of years, repackages them, and sells them as a new, primarily Western therapeutic modality. Harris was explicit about the fact that none of what he was describing was related to religion, meditation, spirituality, etc. and yet the primary technique (breathe, accept, remain mindful and non-judgmental) is nearly a word-for-word definition of many Eastern meditative practices, stripped of their cultural and spiritual context.
Additionally, the way that Harris describes the underlying theory of ACT sure sounds a lot like Buddhist philosophy, even though it hasn’t been labeled as such. Life is pain; non-attachment is the solution; the importance of mindfulness; the benefit of breath work… This all starts to feel a lot like cultural appropriation and philosophical plagiarism.
I’m not saying ACT is worthless, that all of it is stolen, or that it should be discarded in favor of more religiously and culturally traditional practices. I *am* saying that instead of distancing ACT from obvious Eastern connections, it would seem more appropriate to deliberately and respectfully highlight the connections, give credit where credit is due, and *then* point out that it’s possible to utilize some of these ancient practices with modern Western cues, in a non-religious way in service of our mental health (as Easterners figured out, like, forever ago).
Anyway. This review has gotten long and rambling. In sum, I think Harris and ACT have a lot to offer, I just have some personal beef with the way it was presented in this particular book.
September 16, 2022
This is one of those books that I want to buy for everyone, but I constantly come up against the fact that a) no one cares to receive unsolicited advice; b) this advice (especially packaged as what looks to be just another market self-help book) is more likely to come across as a downright insult, and c) it’s not my inherent duty or right to change anyone. People will follow the paths they are on, and for good reason. It makes life more beautiful. That being said, a simple perusal through this book will help many. The “cheese factor” is quite low, the author is certified and not a blogger, and the principles work (that’s not me saying that – Acceptance and Committed Therapy (ACT) makes up the bedrock of the book, and it’s a scientifically validated mode of therapy.
A gem. Russ Harris provides the most approachable primer to what you will learn in a long course of ACT, one of my favourite modes of therapy. This book is geared slightly more toward the clients and patients than the therapists, but contains so many exercises that can be used in session. It looks at upping awareness of the pernicious cycles we get bogged down in, while nudging us in the direction of a value-driven life, as opposed to a goal-driven one. For me, it’s the perfect combination of cognitive-behavioral therapy, Eastern practices, mindfulness, emotion-focused therapy, and a big one, existential therapy.
One that I have used with clients (and friends, and family, and myself) is the 80-year-old birthday exercise. I am paraphrasing and not quoting from the book, but the gist of it remains. Imagine that you are attending your 80th birthday party. Your friends and family are gathered to celebrate you. It’s a big milestone, you want to enjoy the day. As you are sitting and taking some time for yourself, you reflect back on your life. What do you want to have been known for by those that are in attendance? What are you most proud of that you achieved in your life? Answer these questions: 1) I spent too much time worrying about... 2) I spent too little time doing things such as... 3) If I could go back in time, then what I would do differently from today onward is...
Good, powerful stuff.
A gem. Russ Harris provides the most approachable primer to what you will learn in a long course of ACT, one of my favourite modes of therapy. This book is geared slightly more toward the clients and patients than the therapists, but contains so many exercises that can be used in session. It looks at upping awareness of the pernicious cycles we get bogged down in, while nudging us in the direction of a value-driven life, as opposed to a goal-driven one. For me, it’s the perfect combination of cognitive-behavioral therapy, Eastern practices, mindfulness, emotion-focused therapy, and a big one, existential therapy.
One that I have used with clients (and friends, and family, and myself) is the 80-year-old birthday exercise. I am paraphrasing and not quoting from the book, but the gist of it remains. Imagine that you are attending your 80th birthday party. Your friends and family are gathered to celebrate you. It’s a big milestone, you want to enjoy the day. As you are sitting and taking some time for yourself, you reflect back on your life. What do you want to have been known for by those that are in attendance? What are you most proud of that you achieved in your life? Answer these questions: 1) I spent too much time worrying about... 2) I spent too little time doing things such as... 3) If I could go back in time, then what I would do differently from today onward is...
Good, powerful stuff.
December 31, 2013
I'm a little at a loss about this one. But I'd like to start by saying that this book has made a significant impact on my motivation and overall quality of life. It's been months since I read it, but its message is still paying dividends. I've always been skeptical of the self-help genre, but this book came at the recommendation of a trusted friend, and I can honestly say that it's one of the most important things I've ever read. My approach to my own mind has always come from a psychoanalytic perspective, in which I have believed that unearthing traumatic elements in my personal history might somehow help me to banish bad thoughts forever. But this book gave me my first exposure to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and more specifically, the branch of it known as Acceptance Commitment Therapy. This approach to the mind is based on the acceptance that no matter what you do, a massive portion of your thoughts and self-talk will be negative. These thoughts can't be overpowered by positive visualization or a talking cure, but only by accepting them for the negative thoughts they are and moving on. Bad thoughts are not YOU; they are simply "things" being secreted by your brain and need to be treated as such.
I strongly recommend this book for anyone looking to feel more motivated and fulfilled in their day-to-day lives. You might notice that I leave the word "happy" out of this description, and if you read the book, you'll know why...
I strongly recommend this book for anyone looking to feel more motivated and fulfilled in their day-to-day lives. You might notice that I leave the word "happy" out of this description, and if you read the book, you'll know why...
June 27, 2020
خب خب خب
الان که هیجانم فروکش کرده میتونم مثل بچه انسان ریویو بنویسم :)
یه کتاب خودیاری که نسبت به بقیه کتاب هایی که من خوندم در این زمینه، خیلی بهتر بود.
اولین مزیتش این بود که بر عکس تئوری انتخاب (تا این جایی که من خوندم) نویسنده اصرار نداشت افراد و نمونه هایی که آورده بود، با این روش در نهایت خوشبخت و خرم زندگی میکنن و از قوانین این کتاب سرپیچی نمیکنن فلذا تا ابد با پارتنر، خانواده یا تنها خوشبخت میمونن!
خوب بود که مدام بهم یادآوری کرد : روش های این کتابو تبدیل به یه دستورالعمل نکن و اگه واقعا واست کار نکرد بیخیال شو، شاید از مسیر خارج شی گاهی. این طبیعیه و اشکالی نداره. مهم اینه که بازم به مسیر ارزش هات برگردی.
در کل بنظرم کتاب خوبی بود. با این که یه سری از تمریناش مسخره بنظر میرسیدن ولی برای من نتیجه بخش بود!
الان که هیجانم فروکش کرده میتونم مثل بچه انسان ریویو بنویسم :)
یه کتاب خودیاری که نسبت به بقیه کتاب هایی که من خوندم در این زمینه، خیلی بهتر بود.
اولین مزیتش این بود که بر عکس تئوری انتخاب (تا این جایی که من خوندم) نویسنده اصرار نداشت افراد و نمونه هایی که آورده بود، با این روش در نهایت خوشبخت و خرم زندگی میکنن و از قوانین این کتاب سرپیچی نمیکنن فلذا تا ابد با پارتنر، خانواده یا تنها خوشبخت میمونن!
خوب بود که مدام بهم یادآوری کرد : روش های این کتابو تبدیل به یه دستورالعمل نکن و اگه واقعا واست کار نکرد بیخیال شو، شاید از مسیر خارج شی گاهی. این طبیعیه و اشکالی نداره. مهم اینه که بازم به مسیر ارزش هات برگردی.
در کل بنظرم کتاب خوبی بود. با این که یه سری از تمریناش مسخره بنظر میرسیدن ولی برای من نتیجه بخش بود!
March 25, 2020
When I got into self-help books, I had two problems I wanted to solve: how to become likable and how to solve an addiction I'd had since I was 13-years-old. The books were able to help with the first, but nothing I tried worked with the addiction. That was until I started seeing a psychologist trained in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
After our first session, I got instant results. Over the weekend that followed I had many changes to indulge my addiction and I had the desire, but I was able to use ACT to make values-based choices. At that point, my knowledge of the principles of ACT was rudimentary.
My psychologist loaned me his copy of this book and I read it swiftly picking up a number of tools that strengthened my practice of ACT. With a gift voucher for Christmas, I bought my own copy.
What is ACT? The acronym also stands for the process Accept your internal experience; Choose a values-based direction; Take action! It has proven effective with depression and addiction.
The book explores a number of tools you can use to accept your experience of those things and make choices that will make you feel good long-term.
It's a groundbreaking book that's simple to understand and easy to apply. If you're having problems in life because of negative feelings or self-talk, this book would be my first recommendation.
After our first session, I got instant results. Over the weekend that followed I had many changes to indulge my addiction and I had the desire, but I was able to use ACT to make values-based choices. At that point, my knowledge of the principles of ACT was rudimentary.
My psychologist loaned me his copy of this book and I read it swiftly picking up a number of tools that strengthened my practice of ACT. With a gift voucher for Christmas, I bought my own copy.
What is ACT? The acronym also stands for the process Accept your internal experience; Choose a values-based direction; Take action! It has proven effective with depression and addiction.
The book explores a number of tools you can use to accept your experience of those things and make choices that will make you feel good long-term.
It's a groundbreaking book that's simple to understand and easy to apply. If you're having problems in life because of negative feelings or self-talk, this book would be my first recommendation.
October 6, 2023
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📍 نکتهی مهم: خواندن این کتاب برای کسانی که به دنبال یک زندگی غنی و پربار هستند بسیار بسیار کمک کننده است.
پس از جنگ جهانی دوم مردم دنبال شادی بودند و این جستجو تا امروز هم ادامه دارد. از آدمها اگر بپرسیم هدفتون تو زندگی چیه؟ خیلی ها پاسخ خواهند داد: شادی و آرامش.
آیا شادی و آرامش میتواند دائمی باشد؟
قطعا خیر.
آیا هر چیزی که سبب شادی و آرامش شود حتما درست و مفید هم هست؟ باز هم جواب خیر است که اگر چنین بود، افرادی که به مواد مخدّر معتادند ، خوشحالترین انسانهای کرهی زمین بودند.
این کتاب ما را با رویکرد مبتنی بر پذیرش و تعهد ( ACT) آشنا میکند که اگر بخواهم خیلی خیلی خلاصه بگویم هدفش رسیدن به انعطاف پذیری روانشناختی است که با تمسک به شش استراتژی میتوانیم به این مهم دست یابیم.
شش استراتژی عبارتند از :
۱. جداسازی
۲.پذیرش یا ایجاد فضا برای افکار، احساسات، تمایلات رفتاری ، درد ها ( که هیچ کدام تحت کنترل ما نیستند)
۳.ذهن آگاهی ( ارتباط با زمان حال)
۴. خود مشاهده گر
۵. پیوند با ارزشها
۶. اقدام متعهدانه
کل کتاب حین این استراتژی هاست با کلی تمرین عملی. همچنین شناخت موانع و راه بیتاثیر کردن آن و ایجاد اشتیاق تا بتوانیم در برابر اتفاقات ناخوشایندی که تحت کنترل ما نیست به پذیرش برسیم و انرژی خود را صرف آن چیزی کنیم که قابل تغییر است.
اگر بخواهم نکات جالب و مهم کتاب را بنویسم مثنوی هفتاد من میشود.
ولی اگر بخواهم فقط یک نکته گویم اینکه بتوانیم با خود اصلی خودمان ( خود مشاهدهگر) دنیا را ببینیم و در لحظه حال حضور صد درصدی داشته باشیم چرا که تنها زمان واقعی که وجود دارد اکنون است.
به یاد داشته باشیم: زندگی به کسانی که بیشتر به آن بها میدهند، بهای ��یشتری میدهد.
۱۴۰۲/۷/۱۲
📍 نکتهی مهم: خواندن این کتاب برای کسانی که به دنبال یک زندگی غنی و پربار هستند بسیار بسیار کمک کننده است.
پس از جنگ جهانی دوم مردم دنبال شادی بودند و این جستجو تا امروز هم ادامه دارد. از آدمها اگر بپرسیم هدفتون تو زندگی چیه؟ خیلی ها پاسخ خواهند داد: شادی و آرامش.
آیا شادی و آرامش میتواند دائمی باشد؟
قطعا خیر.
آیا هر چیزی که سبب شادی و آرامش شود حتما درست و مفید هم هست؟ باز هم جواب خیر است که اگر چنین بود، افرادی که به مواد مخدّر معتادند ، خوشحالترین انسانهای کرهی زمین بودند.
این کتاب ما را با رویکرد مبتنی بر پذیرش و تعهد ( ACT) آشنا میکند که اگر بخواهم خیلی خیلی خلاصه بگویم هدفش رسیدن به انعطاف پذیری روانشناختی است که با تمسک به شش استراتژی میتوانیم به این مهم دست یابیم.
شش استراتژی عبارتند از :
۱. جداسازی
۲.پذیرش یا ایجاد فضا برای افکار، احساسات، تمایلات رفتاری ، درد ها ( که هیچ کدام تحت کنترل ما نیستند)
۳.ذهن آگاهی ( ارتباط با زمان حال)
۴. خود مشاهده گر
۵. پیوند با ارزشها
۶. اقدام متعهدانه
کل کتاب حین این استراتژی هاست با کلی تمرین عملی. همچنین شناخت موانع و راه بیتاثیر کردن آن و ایجاد اشتیاق تا بتوانیم در برابر اتفاقات ناخوشایندی که تحت کنترل ما نیست به پذیرش برسیم و انرژی خود را صرف آن چیزی کنیم که قابل تغییر است.
اگر بخواهم نکات جالب و مهم کتاب را بنویسم مثنوی هفتاد من میشود.
ولی اگر بخواهم فقط یک نکته گویم اینکه بتوانیم با خود اصلی خودمان ( خود مشاهدهگر) دنیا را ببینیم و در لحظه حال حضور صد درصدی داشته باشیم چرا که تنها زمان واقعی که وجود دارد اکنون است.
به یاد داشته باشیم: زندگی به کسانی که بیشتر به آن بها میدهند، بهای ��یشتری میدهد.
۱۴۰۲/۷/۱۲
November 7, 2013
While the ideas and techniques discussed in this book are interesting, the way it is written is insultingly patronising and alternates between speaking to you like a child and yelling at you like an impatient parent. This attitude ruined the book for me.
April 4, 2012
(Dr) Harris uses a great story of 2 kids in the car with mum on their way to the zoo. Both have been looking forward to the visit for weeks. Johnny is looking out the window playing "I spy" with mum, looking at the cars passing by, waving at the trains and the truck drivers. Counting cows and sheep along the road side. Billy is slumped in the back, anxious and irritated "when are we going to get there" he keeps asking. A few kilometers from the zoo the car breaks down and has to be towed back to their home. They never did make it to the zoo. Which of the boys had the better day out? The Happiness traps is about the lives we lead chasing "happiness" - we will only be happy when... - and in our obsession to be happy we miss what is happening right now. It gives us the tools to really appreciate "the journey" and live a more fulfilled life. I highly recommend it.
November 14, 2019
کتاب تله شادمانی
نویسنده: راس هریس
ترجمه: دکتر علی صاحبی
نویسنده: راس هریس
ترجمه: دکتر علی صاحبی
August 14, 2022
El presente libro es esencialmente un manual sobre cómo el lector puede implementar en su vida diaria la llamada Terapia de Aceptación y Compromiso (ACT por sus siglas en inglés). Uno de los principios fundamentales de la ACT consiste en aceptar los pensamientos y sentimientos negativos en lugar de luchar contra ellos, o de utilizar estrategias de control de forma excesiva. Para poder fundamentar sus explicaciones, el autor utiliza la dicotomía entre el yo pensante y el yo observante: el primero es esa parte nuestra que está continuamente generando pensamientos y contándonos historias, evaluando todo cuanto nos sucede y cuanto nos rodea; mientras que el segundo se limita a percibir el mundo tal y cómo es, a leer y sentir, y en definitiva, observar todo cuanto vivimos en le momento presente.
A grande rasgo, el autor propone percibir nuestros pensamientos como lo que son, solo palabras, y prestarles atención solamente si son útiles para poder construir una vida plena y llena de sentido. Y este último es el otro gran elemento de la ACT. Para ello, el autor define qué entiende por "una vida plena y llena de sentido" y propone identificar nuestros valores, o dicho de otra forma, qué es más importante para nosotros, y emprender acciones y objetivos para vivir en consonancia con estos valores.
Con todo, resulta ser un buen libro de autoayuda. Tiene dos puntos fuertes que me parecen fundamentales: uno es una marcada dosis de realismo. El autor en ningún momento pretende endulzar su terapia y repite constantemente a lo largo del libro que el objetivo no es sentirse mejor o ser más feliz, sino conectar con el presente y el mundo que nos rodea y vivir una vida rica y plena. Vida que, siendo plena, implica todo tipo de experiencias y emociones, ya sean positivas o negativas. El otro punto es la flexibilidad y libertad que da al lector. Defiende que el modo en que cada persona quiere vivir su vida es una decisión meramente personal, y que aplicar los principios de la ACT, algunos de ellos o ninguno, no está ni bien ni mal. La implicación personal del autor en su exposición, presentando sus deficiencias y cómo actúa frente a ellas, le añade realismo al libro. Como punto negativo, el libro se me ha hecho bastante largo. Estando acostumbrado a devorar libros, éste es más bien de consumo relajado y ocasional.
Aprender los principios de la ACT y aplicarlos no es tarea fácil. En ese sentido, para seguir el libro completamente se requiere tiempo y dedicación. Pero más allá de la presentación de una destreza, pienso que el libro trata de transmitir una filosofía de vida, basada no en el disfrute sino en la aceptación, que puede hacer de la vida una experiencia más completa. El aprendizaje más destacado que haría de este libro es: si aceptamos los pensamientos o sentimientos negativos, dejamos que estén ahí y vayan y vengan a su antojo, a lo mejor no vamos a ser más felices, pero podremos conectar mejor con el presente. En ese sentido, el rótulo que la editorial ha añadido "Deja de sufrir, comienza a vivir", me parece totalmente inadecuado y poco representativo de los contenidos de este libro.
Así, me parece una lectura totalmente recomendable, sobre todo si no sabes cómo lidiar con algún pensamiento desagradable. Pero también puede resultar bastante útil para cualquier persona, independientemente de su estado anímico en ese momento, para adquirir nuevas herramientas.
A grande rasgo, el autor propone percibir nuestros pensamientos como lo que son, solo palabras, y prestarles atención solamente si son útiles para poder construir una vida plena y llena de sentido. Y este último es el otro gran elemento de la ACT. Para ello, el autor define qué entiende por "una vida plena y llena de sentido" y propone identificar nuestros valores, o dicho de otra forma, qué es más importante para nosotros, y emprender acciones y objetivos para vivir en consonancia con estos valores.
Con todo, resulta ser un buen libro de autoayuda. Tiene dos puntos fuertes que me parecen fundamentales: uno es una marcada dosis de realismo. El autor en ningún momento pretende endulzar su terapia y repite constantemente a lo largo del libro que el objetivo no es sentirse mejor o ser más feliz, sino conectar con el presente y el mundo que nos rodea y vivir una vida rica y plena. Vida que, siendo plena, implica todo tipo de experiencias y emociones, ya sean positivas o negativas. El otro punto es la flexibilidad y libertad que da al lector. Defiende que el modo en que cada persona quiere vivir su vida es una decisión meramente personal, y que aplicar los principios de la ACT, algunos de ellos o ninguno, no está ni bien ni mal. La implicación personal del autor en su exposición, presentando sus deficiencias y cómo actúa frente a ellas, le añade realismo al libro. Como punto negativo, el libro se me ha hecho bastante largo. Estando acostumbrado a devorar libros, éste es más bien de consumo relajado y ocasional.
Aprender los principios de la ACT y aplicarlos no es tarea fácil. En ese sentido, para seguir el libro completamente se requiere tiempo y dedicación. Pero más allá de la presentación de una destreza, pienso que el libro trata de transmitir una filosofía de vida, basada no en el disfrute sino en la aceptación, que puede hacer de la vida una experiencia más completa. El aprendizaje más destacado que haría de este libro es: si aceptamos los pensamientos o sentimientos negativos, dejamos que estén ahí y vayan y vengan a su antojo, a lo mejor no vamos a ser más felices, pero podremos conectar mejor con el presente. En ese sentido, el rótulo que la editorial ha añadido "Deja de sufrir, comienza a vivir", me parece totalmente inadecuado y poco representativo de los contenidos de este libro.
Así, me parece una lectura totalmente recomendable, sobre todo si no sabes cómo lidiar con algún pensamiento desagradable. Pero también puede resultar bastante útil para cualquier persona, independientemente de su estado anímico en ese momento, para adquirir nuevas herramientas.
March 8, 2024
Hmmmm. Not too sure about this one. I was recommended this by a mental health councillor and it had some good techniques exploring the use of acceptance and commitment therapy. I took away a few things in regards to unhooking and dropping an anchor, being mindful and how to get some bad thoughts out of your head. I just didn’t care for how this was written. I felt like a lot of it was repetitive in the last quarter of the book and some things I just didn’t gel with.
I think there’s better books out there. I’m on the fence with this one. 3 stars
I think there’s better books out there. I’m on the fence with this one. 3 stars
Shelved as 'شروع-کردم-ولی-تمام-نشد'
May 6, 2021چون کتاب رو تموم نکردم نمیتونم خودم و را��ی کنم بهش امتیازی بدم اما کتاب برای من حرف هاش راضی کننده نبود .
البته حس می کنم نیاز به مطالبش رو اصلا در خودم الان حس نمیکردم و همین موجب میشد نتونم قسمت هایی که به کاربردن نکاتش بود رو انجام بدم.
ولی کاربردی بنظر میرسه.
پی نوشت : این کتاب رو اشتباهی بخاطر یک تشابه اسمی خریدم .
برنامه کتابباز درباره معرفی «تله پیشرفت» رو دوست داشتم و تا موقع شروع این کتاب متوجه اشتباهم نشدم
پی نوشت : نمیتونستم خودم و راضی کنم کتاب و رها کنم و با خودم فکر میکردم خوب درست نیست تو شلف خونده های گودریدزم بذارم و جزو چالش امسالم حساب بشع وقتی حتی نصفش رو هم نخوندم پس شلف «شروع کردم ولی تموم نشد » و باز کردم 😅 شاید اینجوری بتونم راحت تر کتابایی که دوست ندارم بخونم و رها کنم
البته حس می کنم نیاز به مطالبش رو اصلا در خودم الان حس نمیکردم و همین موجب میشد نتونم قسمت هایی که به کاربردن نکاتش بود رو انجام بدم.
ولی کاربردی بنظر میرسه.
پی نوشت : این کتاب رو اشتباهی بخاطر یک تشابه اسمی خریدم .
برنامه کتابباز درباره معرفی «تله پیشرفت» رو دوست داشتم و تا موقع شروع این کتاب متوجه اشتباهم نشدم
پی نوشت : نمیتونستم خودم و راضی کنم کتاب و رها کنم و با خودم فکر میکردم خوب درست نیست تو شلف خونده های گودریدزم بذارم و جزو چالش امسالم حساب بشع وقتی حتی نصفش رو هم نخوندم پس شلف «شروع کردم ولی تموم نشد » و باز کردم 😅 شاید اینجوری بتونم راحت تر کتابایی که دوست ندارم بخونم و رها کنم
March 25, 2017
ذهن ما ،به لطف تکامل ، اکنون به حدی پیچیده است که حتی میتواند تخیلی از انسانی که دوست داریم باشیم را به رویا تبدیل کند و سپس خود واقعی مارا با آن معیار دست نیافتنی مقایسه کند.چه شانسی اوردیم؟ همیشه در نهایت،احساس خوشایندی نخواهیم داشت!
April 28, 2013
It must reveal something if I feel cagy about advertising that I've read a book subtitled "How to Stop Struggling and Start Living." Who doesn't imagine people are paying way more attention to your insecurities than they really are? "Gracious, I didn't know Josh was struggling! The poor dear. Let's make him some soup."
Well, okay, I'm not actually struggling. Life's mostly all peach these days, but I'm (almost) always interested in self-improvement. We get one go on this globe and studying ways of living well is a worthy endeavor, no matter where we fall on the struggle/succeed scale. So let's say you're not struggling either. Or maybe struggling just in like this one area or two. Let's assume we're all arrayed somewhere along the fat median part of the continuum's arc and doing okay or pretty good or I'm-too-busy-to-even-tell, but maybe sometimes find ourselves on the far downslope, anxious or discouraged or frustrated with ourselves. Does Russ Harris's The Happiness Trap have anything to offer?
Absolutely. The tenets of the book are solid and its suggestions useful. It's based on something called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy -- hey, ACT, get it? -- and while I won't unpack it all here, I can endorse it. I can endorse it though because many of the practices are ones I've already incorporated to some extent (or, yes, have thought about incorporating because it sounds like a good idea and once I'm done with the dishes and today's heaping inbox and had a nap and watched an episode of Homeland I intend to think very seriously about maybe doing it sometime). Anyhow, I'm particularly a fan of defusing from thoughts -- basically a Don't Believe Everything You Think approach -- and the practice of returning regularly to your values to make sure you're staying on course. I also liked his suggestion, Don't set goals a dead person can do better than you. E.g., "As God is my witness, I'll never waste time playing Freecell again!" isn't the most usefully formulated goal one might hope for.
I did heave a few impatient sighs in the beginning, where -- like in all self-help books, it seems -- Harris spends a good deal of time declaring how This Book is Different. Not to mention going over stuff that's as elementary as the Alphabet Song to anyone who's read anything even remotely self-helpy. (Lowest moment is when he explains that the acronym ACT is pronounced like the word "act": I think we might've guessed.) He takes pains midway through to explain again how his method differs from previous methods, but it's not difficult to spot his ancestors (most notably Richard Carlson, the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff guy, whose earliest books are owed such a great debt that Harris doesn't even whisper his name). His insistence on his own originality sounds hollowest when he declares that his take on mindfulness is different from other versions of mindfulness, or that his "living in the present" is somehow a new idea. The "Further Readings and Resources" is woefully slim: it lists only three other books, followed by a paragraph directing the reader to Harris's website for more materials. You don't say.
So you have to slog through those parts to get to the good stuff. But the good stuff is good. It's not terribly new but it's exceptionally well-organized, which alone makes it worth checking out. Judging by other reviews, it's been a boon for a lot of folks and I can't quibble with that. Even though I found much of it familiar, I appreciated the reminders and like how the program's laid out a lot. Consider the book recommended.
Well, okay, I'm not actually struggling. Life's mostly all peach these days, but I'm (almost) always interested in self-improvement. We get one go on this globe and studying ways of living well is a worthy endeavor, no matter where we fall on the struggle/succeed scale. So let's say you're not struggling either. Or maybe struggling just in like this one area or two. Let's assume we're all arrayed somewhere along the fat median part of the continuum's arc and doing okay or pretty good or I'm-too-busy-to-even-tell, but maybe sometimes find ourselves on the far downslope, anxious or discouraged or frustrated with ourselves. Does Russ Harris's The Happiness Trap have anything to offer?
Absolutely. The tenets of the book are solid and its suggestions useful. It's based on something called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy -- hey, ACT, get it? -- and while I won't unpack it all here, I can endorse it. I can endorse it though because many of the practices are ones I've already incorporated to some extent (or, yes, have thought about incorporating because it sounds like a good idea and once I'm done with the dishes and today's heaping inbox and had a nap and watched an episode of Homeland I intend to think very seriously about maybe doing it sometime). Anyhow, I'm particularly a fan of defusing from thoughts -- basically a Don't Believe Everything You Think approach -- and the practice of returning regularly to your values to make sure you're staying on course. I also liked his suggestion, Don't set goals a dead person can do better than you. E.g., "As God is my witness, I'll never waste time playing Freecell again!" isn't the most usefully formulated goal one might hope for.
I did heave a few impatient sighs in the beginning, where -- like in all self-help books, it seems -- Harris spends a good deal of time declaring how This Book is Different. Not to mention going over stuff that's as elementary as the Alphabet Song to anyone who's read anything even remotely self-helpy. (Lowest moment is when he explains that the acronym ACT is pronounced like the word "act": I think we might've guessed.) He takes pains midway through to explain again how his method differs from previous methods, but it's not difficult to spot his ancestors (most notably Richard Carlson, the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff guy, whose earliest books are owed such a great debt that Harris doesn't even whisper his name). His insistence on his own originality sounds hollowest when he declares that his take on mindfulness is different from other versions of mindfulness, or that his "living in the present" is somehow a new idea. The "Further Readings and Resources" is woefully slim: it lists only three other books, followed by a paragraph directing the reader to Harris's website for more materials. You don't say.
So you have to slog through those parts to get to the good stuff. But the good stuff is good. It's not terribly new but it's exceptionally well-organized, which alone makes it worth checking out. Judging by other reviews, it's been a boon for a lot of folks and I can't quibble with that. Even though I found much of it familiar, I appreciated the reminders and like how the program's laid out a lot. Consider the book recommended.
January 24, 2013
I don't really know how to summarise this book. When I first started reading it I thought I would read the whole thing through, just to see what it is like, without doing the exercises. If I thought it had some merit I would read it a second time doing all the exercises and taking my time with it. As it happens some of the exercises really got stuck in my head and I found myself doing them anyway! This book felt like it was written just for me. I think I have so much to learn from it and that it could really make a difference in my life. It is probably the most helpful self-help book I have ever read. I look forward to reading this again, putting into practice what I learn and changing the way I view life. I'm going to buy a paper copy so it's easier to flick through and refer to. I think this book would be most helpful for people who have tried a few different things to manage their head space but continue to find that negative thoughts/feelings keep arising. This book basically says stop trying to argue your 'negative' thoughts and emotions, stop trying to avoid them, suppress them or change them. Just let them come and go without paying them any attention. A very interesting read.
ps. I wanted to give it 5 stars but I will wait six months and see!
ps. I wanted to give it 5 stars but I will wait six months and see!
September 4, 2020
خیلی دوست داشتم این کتاب رو.متفاوته با اکثر کتاب های روانشناسی که بیشتر خونده میشن
روش درمانی ACT (درمان مبتنی بر پذیرش و تعهد)رو توضیح میده و نحوه بهره بردن ازش رو یاد میده.و مهمترین حرفش اینه که احساسات و افکار منفی بخشی از زندگی و باید پذیرفته بشه و نباید ازش فرار کرد بلکه در صورتی که فایده ای برامون ندارن زیاد روشون تمرکز نکنیم ولی حضورشون رو بپذیریم.
روش درمانی ACT (درمان مبتنی بر پذیرش و تعهد)رو توضیح میده و نحوه بهره بردن ازش رو یاد میده.و مهمترین حرفش اینه که احساسات و افکار منفی بخشی از زندگی و باید پذیرفته بشه و نباید ازش فرار کرد بلکه در صورتی که فایده ای برامون ندارن زیاد روشون تمرکز نکنیم ولی حضورشون رو بپذیریم.
April 16, 2012
I found this book extremely helpful--I had previously read about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy on the website PsychologyToday.com. Apparently it is a successful and empirically proven therapy, so I was very much intrigued. I ended up going pretty slowly through the book, which allowed me to think about the principles it contains on a daily basis for a couple of weeks.
From what I understand, ACT takes a lot from Buddhist philosophy, and I can totally dig it. Some of the important things ACT teaches are that sometimes life is painful, and we need to accept that fact; our thoughts do not control our actions, particularly when we step back and observe what our thoughts are and decide whether they are in line with our values; if yes, act on them, if no, don't try to force the thoughts away, but choose an action that is in line with your values.
I've been thinking a lot about these things for both the big and little challenges that I face each day, and I have found them useful. This isn't a book that tells you how to be happy all the time, because that is not possible. But it does help you live a life of fulfillment, which I think is what matters most. I also believe that a fulfilling life is a joyful life--note that I do not say a "happy" or "ever-pleasant" life, as I think there is an important distinction.
I highly recommend this book.
Rating: PG, probably, for some mild language?
Things that seem like they might be useful for me:
From what I understand, ACT takes a lot from Buddhist philosophy, and I can totally dig it. Some of the important things ACT teaches are that sometimes life is painful, and we need to accept that fact; our thoughts do not control our actions, particularly when we step back and observe what our thoughts are and decide whether they are in line with our values; if yes, act on them, if no, don't try to force the thoughts away, but choose an action that is in line with your values.
I've been thinking a lot about these things for both the big and little challenges that I face each day, and I have found them useful. This isn't a book that tells you how to be happy all the time, because that is not possible. But it does help you live a life of fulfillment, which I think is what matters most. I also believe that a fulfilling life is a joyful life--note that I do not say a "happy" or "ever-pleasant" life, as I think there is an important distinction.
I highly recommend this book.
Rating: PG, probably, for some mild language?
Things that seem like they might be useful for me:
July 31, 2024
This was one of the titles suggested during #MentalHealthAwarnessWeek as I wish to learn more with how someone close is suffering from Anxiety and what I can do to help.
This book is follows the acceptance and commitment therapy, there were a few tasks that I've suggested which may help.
Overall I found the subjects tackled interesting and I can even relate to sometimes adding unrealistic expectations on myself too.
I can see this being a helpful guide for plenty of people.
This book is follows the acceptance and commitment therapy, there were a few tasks that I've suggested which may help.
Overall I found the subjects tackled interesting and I can even relate to sometimes adding unrealistic expectations on myself too.
I can see this being a helpful guide for plenty of people.
September 13, 2013
If you are willing to read just one self-help book - this is the one. Especially if you prefer advice on how to find out what you like and why you are better off behaving in a certain way, to 'just so' statements about beliefs you must adopt and the way you should think-feel-behave to achieve a specific goal / way of life some guru says is best.
The advice is based on a third wave CBT approach (more behavioral than cognitive) called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). If you are looking for an in depth discussion of the psychological theory and relevant research see the second edition (2011) of ACT by Hayes, Strosahl and Wilson. If you're interested in its philosophical basis see Hayes, Barnes-Holmes and Rocheand (2001) - Relational Frame Theory. Those books are not easy to read. I don't recommend them as a starting point even for professionals new to ACT, and they are completely unnecessary for readers interested in self-help.
Harris does a very good job simplifying the philosophy and therapy ideas, explaining motivations and translating it all into practical advice and exercises. There is always room for improvement, but this book already is much better than good enough.
The advice is based on a third wave CBT approach (more behavioral than cognitive) called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). If you are looking for an in depth discussion of the psychological theory and relevant research see the second edition (2011) of ACT by Hayes, Strosahl and Wilson. If you're interested in its philosophical basis see Hayes, Barnes-Holmes and Rocheand (2001) - Relational Frame Theory. Those books are not easy to read. I don't recommend them as a starting point even for professionals new to ACT, and they are completely unnecessary for readers interested in self-help.
Harris does a very good job simplifying the philosophy and therapy ideas, explaining motivations and translating it all into practical advice and exercises. There is always room for improvement, but this book already is much better than good enough.
January 24, 2021
This book... changed my life...
Seriously.
I had grown up with the idea that I had to fight my own thoughts and feelings to keep an average level of happiness. If I had a thought that wasn't in line with how I wanted to live or feel, I would stop everything and try to rationalize my way out of thinking it. Of course, thoughts like "my parents are going to die and I'm going to watch them die" aren't irrational, just horribly unhelpful. So instead of finding some loophole to rationalize thoughts like that, I would just end up getting beat up by them. I've spent years of my life thinking "I'm so tired of fighting." And this book helped me realize I don't have to fight!!!
Anyway, I won't get too far into my emotional baggage. If you don't want to read this book, just look up the ACT method of therapy and read an article or two :)
Seriously.
I had grown up with the idea that I had to fight my own thoughts and feelings to keep an average level of happiness. If I had a thought that wasn't in line with how I wanted to live or feel, I would stop everything and try to rationalize my way out of thinking it. Of course, thoughts like "my parents are going to die and I'm going to watch them die" aren't irrational, just horribly unhelpful. So instead of finding some loophole to rationalize thoughts like that, I would just end up getting beat up by them. I've spent years of my life thinking "I'm so tired of fighting." And this book helped me realize I don't have to fight!!!
Anyway, I won't get too far into my emotional baggage. If you don't want to read this book, just look up the ACT method of therapy and read an article or two :)
August 1, 2010
I read this because it's based on the research I was involved in at university. Turns out to be an amazingly science-oriented form of practical existentialism. Much more thoughtful than its pop self-help cover and title would suggest.
June 15, 2021
If you only want to read one self-help book and trust that it will actually get things moving, let it be this one.
June 11, 2018
Like many others, the first part of the book just really annoyed me. It felt like Harris was putting all of us readers into this box “people who have unrealistic views on happiness”. His way of trying to tell me happiness is not what (he thinks) I think it is made me very uncomfortable, because 1. I don’t consider myself someone who believes in the myths he states, but rather in a realistic variation of it and 2. Other therapies like CBT are not by default unhelpful. Although I’m still stuck in some aspects of life, CBT is helpful to be aware of incorrect thoughts and cognitive distortions (I've learned that I’m an All-or-Nothing thinker) and — against Harris’ beliefs — arguing with them can help you not to let them bother you anymore. And there are fields in which CBT is really really effective, f.i. eating disorders, and I cannot imagine using ACT instead. (The first part of the book also really focuses on mindfulness and although I believe that it could increase psychological flexibility, I feel like it’s too woolly and abstract; I have no idea how I should “make room” for the objectification of a feeling that I am trying to visualize inside of me.)
But the second half of the book, either Harris got less annoying or either I learnt to look past my annoyances, because Harris starts to make clear that control strategies that do not harm you are not bad and that you should try whatever works for you and let go of the parts that don’t help. And although I haven’t experienced some major change in my life (yet), there is a truth to most parts of ACT, especially that connecting to your values and taking action accordingly will help you create a more meaningful life. I also think it’s true that we shouldn’t always want to fight bad feelings and just let them be instead. But there are some areas in life where I don’t think ACT is enough. I still believe that if I have certain bad thoughts, I should argue with them; not because I want to control them or believe I can’t handle them otherwise, but because in some situations “acceptance” is not the solution. Moreover, I believe that this also lies within ACT — when you have an unhelpful thought or urge and think about whether it brings you closer to your values, isn’t this a form of “helpful” arguing with yourself?
In short, I’m still giving this a try because if I don’t fully try, I can’t judge. Maybe it will work anyway, maybe it won’t. But I’d advice that after trying it, don’t feel bad if you don’t agree with this method, because there are plenty of therapy methods and what works for one, doesn’t have to work for another. Nevertheless, I think the ‘value-action’ part of the book is really helpful because it helps you to take concrete actions in line with your values. I am definitely working on that and I would recommend this part to others.
But the second half of the book, either Harris got less annoying or either I learnt to look past my annoyances, because Harris starts to make clear that control strategies that do not harm you are not bad and that you should try whatever works for you and let go of the parts that don’t help. And although I haven’t experienced some major change in my life (yet), there is a truth to most parts of ACT, especially that connecting to your values and taking action accordingly will help you create a more meaningful life. I also think it’s true that we shouldn’t always want to fight bad feelings and just let them be instead. But there are some areas in life where I don’t think ACT is enough. I still believe that if I have certain bad thoughts, I should argue with them; not because I want to control them or believe I can’t handle them otherwise, but because in some situations “acceptance” is not the solution. Moreover, I believe that this also lies within ACT — when you have an unhelpful thought or urge and think about whether it brings you closer to your values, isn’t this a form of “helpful” arguing with yourself?
In short, I’m still giving this a try because if I don’t fully try, I can’t judge. Maybe it will work anyway, maybe it won’t. But I’d advice that after trying it, don’t feel bad if you don’t agree with this method, because there are plenty of therapy methods and what works for one, doesn’t have to work for another. Nevertheless, I think the ‘value-action’ part of the book is really helpful because it helps you to take concrete actions in line with your values. I am definitely working on that and I would recommend this part to others.
September 16, 2010
The author comes across fairly quickly as a self-serving "I wrote this book to glorify myself" type. There are several good techniques in there but you find yourself wishing to tell the author to come down from their high position a bit.
Personally I much preferred the style of Charles Linden's guide over this book and would actually recommend the Linden method for those who are trying to break out of anxiety disorder as opposed to general depression.
Personally I much preferred the style of Charles Linden's guide over this book and would actually recommend the Linden method for those who are trying to break out of anxiety disorder as opposed to general depression.
March 8, 2017
-هرکس چرایی برای زیستن داشته باشد، از پس هر چگونگی برخواهد آمد(نیچه)
- اگر در انتظار یک زندگی مطلوب هستید، دلیلی برای صبر کردن وجود ندارد. این انتظار باید به انتها برسد. اکثر انسان ها اسیر تصورات ذهن خود هستند؛ اما در حقیقت این قفس ذهن، نرده ای برای جلوگیری از خروج از شما ندارد و اگر بخواهید می توانید از این بند رها شوید.
January 4, 2020
"The Happiness Trap" is a lovely toolbox of different perspectives and techniques you can use to live a more meaningful life and is based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). None of it is really original content, but rather it's pulling pieces from many different places into one nice little summary.
With my frame of reference, the book basically has three main parts.
First part is about "defusing" which basically is a set of tools to help you take unhelpful thoughts less seriously. It's not about stopping to think certain things - that's impossible - just to take them less seriously as a source truth. One thing I love is to just repeat an unhelpful thought in a silly voice, like let's say the voice of Cartman, or repeat the thought over some unserious song like Jingle Bells.
Second big part is about being present in the moment, allowing yourself to feel negative emotions and practicing non-resistance to whatever is. It's also posed as a tool where you can try to coax out negative emotions by exposing yourself to triggering thoughts, and then switching over to giving the emotions space, and in that way becoming better at handling them.
The third part is about values. What I particularly liked about this section was about going from whatever goals you may have in the distant future, to figuring out what those things actually give you on an emotional level, to realizing that many of emotions are things that are available to you in the immediate short term in one form or another.
Overall, if these topics interest you, I would really recommend this book.
May 29, 2020
This book isn't a miracle. It doesn't help you get rid of your anxiety, it makes you cope with it. I'm always very skeptical of self-development books because it's all very nice until you're having an actual anxiety attack. Focusing on your positive thoughts is bullshit. This book doesn't tell you not to be anxious : it tells you to be it and then here's what you're gonna do. It's a guide, and a pretty good one!
As an anxious mess, I was the perfect target. I'm spiraling pretty often and it can make me lose a lot of time during the day. The book taught me to be present without erasing my thoughts but instead accept them. I loved some points, liked some others but there were some I wasn't sure about. But that's cool, I don't have to follow the rules. The most difficult part is to remember to do the exercises and actually remember what the book says. Because I'd say the book is only 20% of the work. It has helped me but I still have a long way to go. I'm optimistic about it :) good luck!
As an anxious mess, I was the perfect target. I'm spiraling pretty often and it can make me lose a lot of time during the day. The book taught me to be present without erasing my thoughts but instead accept them. I loved some points, liked some others but there were some I wasn't sure about. But that's cool, I don't have to follow the rules. The most difficult part is to remember to do the exercises and actually remember what the book says. Because I'd say the book is only 20% of the work. It has helped me but I still have a long way to go. I'm optimistic about it :) good luck!
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