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How To Talk So Kids Can Learn
The leading experts on parent-child communication show parents and teachers how to motivate kids to learn and succeed in school.
Using the unique communication strategies, down-to-earth dialogues, and delightful cartoons that are the hallmark of their multimillion-copy bestseller How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk , Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish show parents and teachers how to help children handle the everyday problems that interfere with learning.
This breakthrough book demonstrates how parents and teachers can join forces to inspire kids to be self-directed, self-disciplined, and responsive to the wonders of learning.
Using the unique communication strategies, down-to-earth dialogues, and delightful cartoons that are the hallmark of their multimillion-copy bestseller How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk , Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish show parents and teachers how to help children handle the everyday problems that interfere with learning.
This breakthrough book demonstrates how parents and teachers can join forces to inspire kids to be self-directed, self-disciplined, and responsive to the wonders of learning.
272 pages, Paperback
First published August 1, 1995
About the author
Adele Faber
57 books308 followersAdele Faber graduated from Queens College with a B.A. in theater and drama, earned her master's degree in education from New York University, and taught in the New York City high schools for eight years before joining the faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York and Family Life Institute of C.W. Post College of Long Island University. She is the mother of three children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 265 reviews
November 20, 2015
I really enjoyed my time reading this book , even though it could barely bring new ideas!
It’s like a practical review to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen Listen So Kids Will Talk adapted for teachers and supported with plenty of stories and feedbacks from homes and schools .
Like the former one it focuses on the positive verbal messages that help your kid to see himself differently and encourage the good behaviors.
Each chapter is summarized at the end in the form of a Quick reminder including the key points and strategies to put the new learned skills in practice.
What I adore about this series are the drawings that show the common negative conversations and the positive alternative ones , here is an example :)
The frustrating conversation:
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A positive alternative:
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This video reminds me of the amazing World of kids http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOlpdd...
It’s like a practical review to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen Listen So Kids Will Talk adapted for teachers and supported with plenty of stories and feedbacks from homes and schools .
Like the former one it focuses on the positive verbal messages that help your kid to see himself differently and encourage the good behaviors.
Each chapter is summarized at the end in the form of a Quick reminder including the key points and strategies to put the new learned skills in practice.
What I adore about this series are the drawings that show the common negative conversations and the positive alternative ones , here is an example :)
The frustrating conversation:
[image error]
" alt="" />" alt="" />"width="40" height="100" alt="description"/>A positive alternative:
[image error]
" width="40" height="100" alt="description"/>This video reminds me of the amazing World of kids http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOlpdd...
May 26, 2009
This book covered the same information as How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk but adapted for teachers. It was a nice review but I don't think it is neccessary to read this book if you have recently read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
December 14, 2020
به پایان آمد این کتاب ولیکن چالش ها همچنان باقی ست
تمومش کردم و حس خوبی دارم واقعا خوندنش برام لذت بخش هست
اینکه اولا می بینی تنها نیستی و کلی آدم دیگه تو دنیا هستن که تو فرزند پروری مثل تو هستن،کم میارن،کلافه میشن،میبرن و...
دوم اینکه راهکارهاش خیلی راحت می تونه تو رابطه ی شما هم اعمال بشه.
فقط موقع خوندن همه ش می گفتم کاش معلم های ما هم همه شون این کتاب رو داشتن تا شاید بهتر و مسلط تر می تونستند کارشون رو تو حیطه ی رفتار با شاگردان انجام بدن.
اینقدر ما از طرف یسری از معلم ها نمی شنیدیم که به بچه میگن،کودن،بی مغز,شرور،و....خیلی صفات دیگه که اصلا نباید استفاده بشه
تو این کتاب ما می خونیم که حتی صفات مثبت هم باید با احتیاط و تفسیر های درستی استفاده بشه.
سرتون درد نیارم اگر کودکی در اطرافتون دارید که تعامل دارید باهاش حتما این کتاب و جلد اولش رو بخونید.
جلد سوم برای رده ی نوجوان نوشته شده.
به تاریخ 99/9/24.
تمومش کردم و حس خوبی دارم واقعا خوندنش برام لذت بخش هست
اینکه اولا می بینی تنها نیستی و کلی آدم دیگه تو دنیا هستن که تو فرزند پروری مثل تو هستن،کم میارن،کلافه میشن،میبرن و...
دوم اینکه راهکارهاش خیلی راحت می تونه تو رابطه ی شما هم اعمال بشه.
فقط موقع خوندن همه ش می گفتم کاش معلم های ما هم همه شون این کتاب رو داشتن تا شاید بهتر و مسلط تر می تونستند کارشون رو تو حیطه ی رفتار با شاگردان انجام بدن.
اینقدر ما از طرف یسری از معلم ها نمی شنیدیم که به بچه میگن،کودن،بی مغز,شرور،و....خیلی صفات دیگه که اصلا نباید استفاده بشه
تو این کتاب ما می خونیم که حتی صفات مثبت هم باید با احتیاط و تفسیر های درستی استفاده بشه.
سرتون درد نیارم اگر کودکی در اطرافتون دارید که تعامل دارید باهاش حتما این کتاب و جلد اولش رو بخونید.
جلد سوم برای رده ی نوجوان نوشته شده.
به تاریخ 99/9/24.
January 25, 2011
Someone gave me How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk when my daughter was born more than eight years ago. Yes, I read it in the midst of midnight feedings and diaper changes-- what was I thinking? What was the giver thinking?--and promptly forgot it and many other useful things I learned during that period. But this title, focusing on teaching and parenting, is a keeper. I don't think I've been as equipped with such useful tools since I read 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (there, now you have every parenting book I've read). The methods explained here--validate feelings, restate, validate feelings, restate, brainstorm problem solving!-- have already helped me communicate with my daughter to amazing effect. Interestingly, the recent book NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children offers up the same criticism of how we demean our children with empty praise, which is discussed in this 1995 work in greater depth. The skills I've learned have proven useful in other situations, too, even with an aging parent. Plenty of it's commonsensical, but as all mamas and papas know, common sense often has nothing to do with our most ingrained parenting impulses.
January 30, 2011
الكتاب مفيد جدا للآباء والمدرسين ، قرأت النسخه المترجمه منه وأعجبني جدا حيث تعرض المؤلفتان كيفية التعامل مع المشاعر والمشاكل التي تعوق عملية التعلم , والبدائل التي تؤدي الى الأنضباط الذاتي سواء في البيت أو المدرسه واستخدم فيه الحوارات الواقعيه والقصص المفيده والرسوم الكاريكاتوريه اللطيفه
November 6, 2016
This book gave me almost all I ever needed.
September 27, 2017
Really focuses on how we communicate with students and how to be more cognizant of our tone when dealing with students who struggle. By keeping our line of communication more about observation and with less emphasis on judgement, we can produce happier, more engaged students.
September 2, 2020
Surprisingly short and easy to absorb, as it's written as a story of a fictional teacher.
I could pick up some valuable lessons from this book, so I am very happy with the ratio of retained items per book :).
I would recommend this for parents of kids 2+, as many times we aim to use reason with kids, even thou they understand and feel emotions more.
I could pick up some valuable lessons from this book, so I am very happy with the ratio of retained items per book :).
I would recommend this for parents of kids 2+, as many times we aim to use reason with kids, even thou they understand and feel emotions more.
May 16, 2011
قرأت هذا الكتاب مرات عديدة، وأكثر ما جذبني له هو استعمال الأشرطة المرسومة لتوضيح أفكاره أكثر، كما أن مؤلفتاه ابتكرتا شخصية تحدثت بلسانهما، والتي جعلوها مدرسة شابة تكافح لتتواصل وتتفاهم مع تلاميذها بطرق أكثر عونا. تقوي الطفل وتشجعه وتجعله مقدما على التجارب الجديدة.
February 7, 2020
This is one of those parenting/working-with-kids book that is actually useful. As someone who has two kids who often have big emotions that can get them stuck (freaking out, unable to listen to reason, unable to even explain why they are upset), this book gives practical advice for working with this. Some of this I’d already learned to do through some trial and error, but this gave me some additional tips/tools. You’ve really got to deal with feelings to get compliance and good behavior. Book was well organized, had good summaries, good examples.
March 3, 2023
I had to read this for a class, but I learned so much information about how to talk that I will carry with me for a long time
August 19, 2021
Even though the list of recommended additional reading includes a book called "Parenting Your Teenager in the Nineties" I still love these.
February 4, 2018
Me gusta! 5/5 I loved all the books I've read by them so far and cant wait to read the next ( Siblings without Rivalry).
As a someone who has worked as a carer and teacher for children, this was insightful in how to put the problem solving techniques in a teaching environment.
This one, though following similar messages and lessons, was adapted well for the schooling setting, included new cartoons, reminders and as always, my favourite, the anecdotes. And the old repetitions were revamped and subtly changed to match a teacher's perspective while holding the core values.
My favourite chapter was "How to free a child who is locked in a role" as I identified well with it and could see how if I had had adults around me use this lessons I may have benefited greatly in the past.
And I found the mixed in parental anecdotes meshed well alongside teacher's experiences and the "parent teacher relationship" chapter was very important and helpful to me as well.
I could definitely look back at certain behaviours that I had in myself when teaching and see a different way of approaching the issue.
These are very important books, I would recommend to all, to be honest, as they help you in your life skills. We gotta work on modeling ourselves to be able to deals with relationships, confidence, problems and conflicts and I feel that this series of books really do them justice.
I'm going to pass this on to friend and fellow teacher and I can only hope she enjoys and can implement some lessons to enrich her teaching experience.
As a someone who has worked as a carer and teacher for children, this was insightful in how to put the problem solving techniques in a teaching environment.
This one, though following similar messages and lessons, was adapted well for the schooling setting, included new cartoons, reminders and as always, my favourite, the anecdotes. And the old repetitions were revamped and subtly changed to match a teacher's perspective while holding the core values.
My favourite chapter was "How to free a child who is locked in a role" as I identified well with it and could see how if I had had adults around me use this lessons I may have benefited greatly in the past.
And I found the mixed in parental anecdotes meshed well alongside teacher's experiences and the "parent teacher relationship" chapter was very important and helpful to me as well.
I could definitely look back at certain behaviours that I had in myself when teaching and see a different way of approaching the issue.
These are very important books, I would recommend to all, to be honest, as they help you in your life skills. We gotta work on modeling ourselves to be able to deals with relationships, confidence, problems and conflicts and I feel that this series of books really do them justice.
I'm going to pass this on to friend and fellow teacher and I can only hope she enjoys and can implement some lessons to enrich her teaching experience.
August 23, 2012
هذا كتاب سحري :)
إذا كنت لا تعرف كيف تضرب أولادك؟ إذا لم تعد وسائل العقاب التي تعرفها تجدي؟
إذا عاد إبنك من المدرسة يسب المدرس أو يسب الكتاب؟
إذا كانت إبنتك تدعي المرض أحياناً عندما يحل معاد شئ يجب أن تفعله؟
إذا رجعت من العمل في وسط النهار دون ترتيب لتفاجأ بابنتك في البيت و لم تكمل اليوم الدراسي دون علمك؟
إذا كان أولادك لا يسمعون كلامك،
إذا مدحت إبنتك لتجدها ترد عليك ب:"لماذا؟"؟
إذا وجدت إحباط أحد ��لأبناء بسبب أخيه؟
إذا كان إبنك يتدرب علي شئ لفترة طويلة و فجأة قرر أن يتوقف و لا يكمل؟
فبالتأكيد أنت تحتاج قراءة هذا الكتاب. الكتاب صغير في الحجم و عبقريته و إبداعه يكمنان في معالجة الكثير من المشكلات برسومات كاريكاتير، واحدة توضح الرد الفعلي المباشر الذي يقوم به أغلب الآباء و المدرسين ثم يعرض النتيجة السلبية لذلك و يليه عرض لما يجب أن يقال أو يُفعل في ذلك الموقف .
المفروض إعادة تسمية ل: التربية بالأمثلة
فالكتاب عبارة عن حكايات و عرض لمشكلات حقيقة و حلولها و أسئلة حقيقية و أجوبتها.
.و في نهاية كل فصل هناك ملخص موخز جداً في صفحة واحدة يحمل الأفكار الرئيسية الأساسية للفصل.
و الكتاب عبارة عن ٨ فصول يناقش خلالهم:
١.كيف تتعامل مع المشاعر التي تتداخل مع التعليم.
٢. سبع مهارات تدعو الطفل للتعاون.
٣.أخطاء العقاب و بدائل تؤدي للإنضباط الذاتي.
٤. حل المشكلات معاً، طرق تساعد علي مشاركة إبداع الأطفال و إلتزامهم بتلك الحلول.
٥. المدح الذي لا يذل و النقد الذي لا يجرح.
٦.كيف تحرر الطفل المقيد في دور.
٧. شراكة الآباء و المدرسين.
٨.التمسك بالحلم.
إذا كنت لا تعرف كيف تضرب أولادك؟ إذا لم تعد وسائل العقاب التي تعرفها تجدي؟
إذا عاد إبنك من المدرسة يسب المدرس أو يسب الكتاب؟
إذا كانت إبنتك تدعي المرض أحياناً عندما يحل معاد شئ يجب أن تفعله؟
إذا رجعت من العمل في وسط النهار دون ترتيب لتفاجأ بابنتك في البيت و لم تكمل اليوم الدراسي دون علمك؟
إذا كان أولادك لا يسمعون كلامك،
إذا مدحت إبنتك لتجدها ترد عليك ب:"لماذا؟"؟
إذا وجدت إحباط أحد ��لأبناء بسبب أخيه؟
إذا كان إبنك يتدرب علي شئ لفترة طويلة و فجأة قرر أن يتوقف و لا يكمل؟
فبالتأكيد أنت تحتاج قراءة هذا الكتاب. الكتاب صغير في الحجم و عبقريته و إبداعه يكمنان في معالجة الكثير من المشكلات برسومات كاريكاتير، واحدة توضح الرد الفعلي المباشر الذي يقوم به أغلب الآباء و المدرسين ثم يعرض النتيجة السلبية لذلك و يليه عرض لما يجب أن يقال أو يُفعل في ذلك الموقف .
المفروض إعادة تسمية ل: التربية بالأمثلة
فالكتاب عبارة عن حكايات و عرض لمشكلات حقيقة و حلولها و أسئلة حقيقية و أجوبتها.
.و في نهاية كل فصل هناك ملخص موخز جداً في صفحة واحدة يحمل الأفكار الرئيسية الأساسية للفصل.
و الكتاب عبارة عن ٨ فصول يناقش خلالهم:
١.كيف تتعامل مع المشاعر التي تتداخل مع التعليم.
٢. سبع مهارات تدعو الطفل للتعاون.
٣.أخطاء العقاب و بدائل تؤدي للإنضباط الذاتي.
٤. حل المشكلات معاً، طرق تساعد علي مشاركة إبداع الأطفال و إلتزامهم بتلك الحلول.
٥. المدح الذي لا يذل و النقد الذي لا يجرح.
٦.كيف تحرر الطفل المقيد في دور.
٧. شراكة الآباء و المدرسين.
٨.التمسك بالحلم.
October 28, 2014
This book was shelved with the homeschooling books at the library, and although it's not specifically geared towards homeschoolers, it has a lot of great suggestions that I think will be useful to the homeschooler crowd (as well as teachers and parents of children going to school-school).
I love Alfie Kohn's ideas about avoiding punishments and rewards, but his books (at least the ones I've read) are pretty heavy on theory and pretty light on practical application. Faber and Mazlish offer heaps of real-world examples that I've been able to try out immediately with my own kiddos. I would love to have a conflict resolution workshop at my kids' homeschool co-op based on the ideas in this book (but in case any of my fellow co-op parents are reading this, I want to attach an emphatic "Not it" to this suggestion).
The only thing this book lacks is a chapter on what to do when your nine-year-old has read the book ahead of you and is now correcting your technique when you try to implement the suggestions. (This shared reading also led to an interesting conversation with my daughter that began, "Mom, in one chapter they imply that saying 'your mother' is an insult, and I can't figure out why that would be an insult.")
I love Alfie Kohn's ideas about avoiding punishments and rewards, but his books (at least the ones I've read) are pretty heavy on theory and pretty light on practical application. Faber and Mazlish offer heaps of real-world examples that I've been able to try out immediately with my own kiddos. I would love to have a conflict resolution workshop at my kids' homeschool co-op based on the ideas in this book (but in case any of my fellow co-op parents are reading this, I want to attach an emphatic "Not it" to this suggestion).
The only thing this book lacks is a chapter on what to do when your nine-year-old has read the book ahead of you and is now correcting your technique when you try to implement the suggestions. (This shared reading also led to an interesting conversation with my daughter that began, "Mom, in one chapter they imply that saying 'your mother' is an insult, and I can't figure out why that would be an insult.")
November 2, 2012
This review is going to be totally weird, but - I can't believe I've found this book! I remember reading this book more than 10 years ago (when I was - a kid!) because it was fun reading it with all those "comic-like" written situations and stories of the real parents who had managed to find a way of talking and understanding their kids more. I remember sharing some parts of the book with my mum and how we used to laugh and discuss different situations. It probably sounds weird, but I feel like this book has connected us and made our parent-child bond even firmer. (I guess I wasn't the normal child who liked reading picture books!) Love this book so much. I highly recommend this book to anybody - both parents and kids.
January 11, 2020
A little treasure not only for parents and teachers. If you like Non-Violent Communication concepts, you’ll like this book. It offers various practical examples on the following topics:
- How to deal with feelings that interfere with learning
- Tips that invite kids to cooperate ( particularly helpful if you are not authoritarian)
- Alternatives to punishment that lead to self discipline
- Problem solving that engage child’s creativity and commitment
- How to praise and criticize in a constructive way
- How to free a child who’s locked in a role
- parent-teacher relationship
I found the book very helpful.
- How to deal with feelings that interfere with learning
- Tips that invite kids to cooperate ( particularly helpful if you are not authoritarian)
- Alternatives to punishment that lead to self discipline
- Problem solving that engage child’s creativity and commitment
- How to praise and criticize in a constructive way
- How to free a child who’s locked in a role
- parent-teacher relationship
I found the book very helpful.
February 5, 2018
I am an university lecturer and have two energetic children. They are so intelligent so that they almost want to get what they want by playing tricks on me. This makes our relationship not going smoothly. As the result, I felt very upset before reading this book. Its content saved MY LIFE... Just kidding, but I recommend this book to anyone who set up their work in child caring as the primary role in their lives.
August 8, 2019
I absolutely LOVED this book! It was based off the book How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk. It was a teacher/mom who had read the book and then wrote this book. It was full of examples and talked about how to apply the principles. I want to read the book it was based off of now.
March 11, 2019
This is the first book I’ve read from this series and I really enjoyed it. I’ve already successfully put some of the advice to use. I love the narrative style of the book even though it’s a “how to” book. I love the cartoon examples and the summaries too. I’m looking forward to reading the original book (my son is only 10 months old though, so maybe I’m a bit keen?!)
April 7, 2011
Quick read. Shocking how helpful these reminders of things we may already know can be.
July 14, 2017
Give this book to every parent of a preK child. Excellent and life-changing
August 22, 2016
Another wonderful book from the authors of "How to talk to kids so they listen and how to to listen so they talk". Here are the set of rules from the book
Children need to have their feelings acknowledged
Child: “Just because of a few careless mistakes, I got only a seventy!”
Adult: “Don’t worry. You’ll do better next time”.
Instead of dismissing the child’s feelings, you can:
1. IDENTIFY THE CHILD’S FEELINGS
a. “You sound disappointed. It can be upsetting when you know the answer and lose points for careless mistakes”.
2. ACKNOWLEDGE THE CHILD’s FEELINGS WITH A SOUND OR WORD
a. “Oh” or “Mmm” or “Uh” or “I see”
3. GIVE THE CHILD IN FANTASY WHAT YOU CAN’T GIVE HIM IN REALITY
a. “Wouldn’t it be great if you had a magic pencil that would stop writing if you were about to make a mistake.”
4. ACCEPT THE CHILD’S FEELING EVEN AS YOU STOP UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR
a. “You’re still angry about that grade, you’re kicking your desk! I can’t allow that. But you can tell me more about what’s upsetting you. Or you can draw it.”
Engaging Cooperation
Adult: Who is responsible for the mess on this floor?
Instead of questioning and criticising, you can:
1. DESCRIBE THE PROBLEM – When it happens the first time
a. “I see wet paint all over the floor”
2. GIVE INFORMATION – When the child does not know this for a fact
a. “It’s easier to remove paint before it dries”
3. OFFER A CHOICE – When the child does not take immediate action
a. “You can clean it up with a wet rag or a damp sponge.”
4. SAY IT WITH A WORD OR GESTURE – When this repeats
a. “The paint!”
5. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL – When it repeats too many times
a. “I don’t like seeing the floor splattered with paint”.
6. PUT IT IN WRITING – When it repeats too many times
a. ATTENTION ALL ARTISTS: Kindly restore the floor to original condition before leaving the room. Thank you, The Management
7. BE PLAYFUL (Use another voice or Accent) – When the child responds to this technique
a. In a country-and western style sing
i. Ah see paint thar on the floor,
ii. An’ it’s a sight ah do deplore
iii. Git out your mop an’ rags galore
iv. An’ help to do this little chore
Alternatives to Punishment
Child: Oh !@#%^#%@^% I can’t do math
Adult: I warned you over and over again not to use foul language. Now you’re going to be punished.
Instead of threatening punishment, you can:
1. POINT OUT A WAY TO BE HELPFUL
a. “I hear your frustration. It would help if you could express it without cursing”
2. EXPRESS YOUR STRONG DISAPPROVAL (WITHOUT ATTACKING, CHARACTER)
a. “That kind of language upsets me”.
3. STATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
a. “I expect you to find some other way to let me know how angry you are”
4. SHOW THE CHILD HOW TO MAKE AMENDS
a. “What I’d like to see is a list of some strong words you could use instead of the ones you just did. Try the dictionary or thesaurus if you need help”
5. OFFER A CHOICE
a. You can curse to yourself – in your head – or you can use words that won’t offend anyone.
6. LET THE CHILD EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS BEHAVIOUR
a. “When I hear those words, I lose all desire to help you – with math or anything else”.
Problem Solving
1. LISTEN TO THE CHILD’S FEELINGS AND NEEDS.
a. Adult: You seem very upset about failing your Spanish test.
b. Child: I am! I only got twelve words right out of twenty, and I studied for an hour last night!
2. SUMMARIZE THE CHILD’S POINT OF VIEW
a. You sound pretty discouraged. Even though you tried to cram all those new words into your head, some of them refused to stick.
3. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS AND NEEDS
a. My concern is that if you don’t memorize the basic vocabulary, you’ll get further and further behind.
4. INVITE THE CHILD TO BRAINSTORM WITH YOU
a. I wonder if we put our heads together, could we come up with some new and more effective ways to study?
5. WRITE DOWN ALL THE IDEAS – WITHOUT EVALUATING
a. Child: Drop Spanish
b. Adult: I’ve got that. What else?
c. Child: Maybe I could …
6. TOGETHER DECIDE WHICH IDEAS YOU DON’T LIKE, WHICH YOU DO, AND HOW YOU PLAN TO PUT THEM INTO ACTION
a. Adult: What do you think of making flash cards and studying only four new words each night?
b. That’s okay. But instead of flash cards, I like the idea of saying my words into a tape recorder and testing myself until I know them.
Helpful Praise/Constructive Responses
Child: Listen to my poem about a train. Tell me if it is good
Adult: Beautiful! You’re a great poet.
Instead of evaluating, you can:
1. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU SEE.
a. “You caught the ‘chug-a-chug’ rhythm of the train and you found a way to rhyme ‘track’ with ‘clickity-clack’”
2. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL
a. “It makes me feel as if I’m sitting inside a railroad car speeding through the countryside.
Adult: Look at those misspelled words! You can do better than that.
Instead of criticising, you can:
3. POINT OUT WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE
a. “All this poem needs now is the correct spelling of the words ‘caboose’ and ‘freight’ and it’s ready for bulletin board”
Freeing a child from playing a role
Adult: “Nicole, you’re a “motor mouth”. No one can get a word in edgewise with you”.
Instead of labelling a child, you can:
1. LOOK OUT FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO SHOW THE CHILD A NEW PICTURE OF HERSELF
a. “What self control! Even though you had a lot more to say, you realised that others needed a chance to talk.”
2. PUT THE CHILD IN A SITUATION WHERE SHE CAN SEE HERSELF DIFFERENTLY
a. “Nicole, I’d like to you to chair the (class/family) meeting and make sure that everyone gets a turn to speak”.
3. LET THE CHILD OVERHEAR YOU SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT HER
a. “Nicole has so many wonderful ideas that it is hard for her to hold back. Nevertheless I’ve seen her do it”
4. MODEL THE BEHAVIOUR YOU’D LIKE TO SEE
a. “Oh, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Please finish what you were saying. My though will keep”.
5. REMIND THE CHILD OF HER PAST ACCOMPLISHMENTS
a. “I remember the discussion we had on capital punishment. You listened quietly, but when you finally gave your views, some people changed their positions”.
6. STATE YOUR FEELINGS AND/OR EXPECTATIONS
a. “Nicole, when other people are waiting to speak, I’d like you to keep your comments brief”.
The Ideal Conference (PTA)
Instead of starting with what’s wrong …
1. START BY DESCRIBING SOMETHING RIGHT
a. Teacher: I enjoy Sam’s thoughtful questions
b. Parent: Sam liked the lesson you gave on rockets
Instead of pointing out what the child hasn’t done …
2. DESCRIBE WHAT THE CHILD NEEDS TO DO
a. Teacher: Sam needs to make up all the work he missed the week he was out sick.
b. Parent: I think he’s feeling overwhelmed. He can probably use some extra help to catch up.
Instead of withholding information …
3. SHARE PERTINENT INFORMATION
a. Parent: He used to play outdoors when he got home. Now he just sits in front of the TV.
b. Teacher: I see him yawning a lot lately in the class
Instead of giving each other advice …
4. DESCRIBE WHAT HAS WORKED AT HOME OR IN SCHOOL
a. Parent: Ever since he’s been sick, he seems to do better if he takes a short break every fifteen or twenty minutes.
b. Teacher: I notice he has more energy after recess.
Instead of giving up on the child …
5. DEVELOP A PLAN TOGETHER
a. Teacher: I’ll ask another student to help Sam with the work he missed. And I’ll see to it that he takes more frequent breaks.
b. Parent: And I’ll make sure he watches less TV and gets some fresh air and exercise.
Instead of ending on a negative note …
6. END THE CONFERENCE WITH A POSITIVE STATEMENT THAT CAN BE REPEATED TO THE CHILD
a. Teacher: Tell Sam I have confidence that he’ll be able to make up his work. Also tell him that I enjoy having him in my class.
b. Parent: I will. I know he’ll be glad to hear that.
Instead of forgetting the plan after the conference …
7. FOLLOW THROUGH ON THE PLAN
a. Teacher: Jeffrey has been helping Sam and he’s almost all caught up. He also seems to have more energy lately.
b. Parent: My husband has started jogging and Sam has been joining him.
Some Excerpts
1. “The plain fact is that when students are upset, they can’t concentrate. And they certainly can’t absorb new material. It we want to free their minds to think and learn then we have to deal respectfully with their emotions.”
2. Do not be over bearing or pamper the child. A mother “Well … when Lara comes home from school, I make her show me her assignments and I go over them with her and help her get organized. This afternoon I took her to the library and we picked out some excellent books for her report on Eleanor Roosevelt” Teacher was horrified and thought to herself, Lara is a reasonably capable student. The purpose of my homework assignments was to give her and the other children a chance to organize their own time, to work independently, to exercise their own judgement. As tactfully as she could, she said “It seems to me that the best kind of help we can give children is indirect help. Provide a quiet place to work, a good light, a dictionary, a snack if they are hungry, and just be available if they want to ask you something.”. The mother was unconvinced. So the teacher suggests “How would you feel about establishing a nightly routine with Lara? She could either work alone in her room or maybe somewhere near you, and little by little you could make yourself scarce and let Lara take over.” “I wish it were that simple,” Lara’s mother said with some irritation. “but the plain fact is, she won’t do her homework if I don’t keep after her. She “. “Please don’t take offense” another woman interrupted “but I don’t think you’re being fair to your daughter. My mother used to hound me about my homework every night and hover over me to make sure that I did it all and got it right. Sometimes she’d take over and do it for me. After a while I wouldn’t even start my homework unless my mother was there. I guess on some level I figured that as long she was being responsible for me, I didn’t have to be responsible for myself. So that’s my reason for having a “hands-off” homework policy with my daughter.” Lara’s mother looked bewildered. “You mean you never help your child with her homework?” “Well if she’s stuck, I’ll listen to what’s bothering her and try to get her unstuck. But the second she gets going again, I bow out. I want her to know what she’s the one in charge of her homework and that she’s basically CAPABLE OF DOING IT HERSELF”. “That’s assuming she is” Lara’s mother persisted. “But what if she isn’t?”. Without hesitating the woman blurted out “Then get outside help – a tutor, a high school student – or tell her to call another kid in the class. Anything to avoid what happens when parents take over and become ‘passionate’ about their children’s homework”.
3. When we invite a child to join us in tackling a problem, we send a powerful set of messages:
a. “I believe in you”
b. “I trust your ability to think wisely and creatively”
c. “I value your contribution”
d. “I see our relationship not as ‘all powerful grown-up’ exercising authority over ‘ignorant child’ but as adult and child who are equal, not in competence, not in experience, but in equal dignity”.
e. “If there is one thing we can guarantee all of our children, now and in future, it’s problems – sometimes one right after the other. But by teaching them how to approach a problem, by showing them how to break it down into manageable parts, by encouraging them to use their own ingenuity to resolve their problems, we are giving them skills they can depend upon for the rest of their lives.”
4. One way to avoid blame is to shun the accusing you. “You kids never … You always … The trouble with you is … “ Instead substitute I for a you. For example “Here’s what I feel. I get upset when … What I’d like to see is …” As long as they are not being attacked, children can listen to your feelings without becoming defensive.
5. We need to treat children not as they are, but as we hope they will become.
Another must read for all the parents.
Children need to have their feelings acknowledged
Child: “Just because of a few careless mistakes, I got only a seventy!”
Adult: “Don’t worry. You’ll do better next time”.
Instead of dismissing the child’s feelings, you can:
1. IDENTIFY THE CHILD’S FEELINGS
a. “You sound disappointed. It can be upsetting when you know the answer and lose points for careless mistakes”.
2. ACKNOWLEDGE THE CHILD’s FEELINGS WITH A SOUND OR WORD
a. “Oh” or “Mmm” or “Uh” or “I see”
3. GIVE THE CHILD IN FANTASY WHAT YOU CAN’T GIVE HIM IN REALITY
a. “Wouldn’t it be great if you had a magic pencil that would stop writing if you were about to make a mistake.”
4. ACCEPT THE CHILD’S FEELING EVEN AS YOU STOP UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR
a. “You’re still angry about that grade, you’re kicking your desk! I can’t allow that. But you can tell me more about what’s upsetting you. Or you can draw it.”
Engaging Cooperation
Adult: Who is responsible for the mess on this floor?
Instead of questioning and criticising, you can:
1. DESCRIBE THE PROBLEM – When it happens the first time
a. “I see wet paint all over the floor”
2. GIVE INFORMATION – When the child does not know this for a fact
a. “It’s easier to remove paint before it dries”
3. OFFER A CHOICE – When the child does not take immediate action
a. “You can clean it up with a wet rag or a damp sponge.”
4. SAY IT WITH A WORD OR GESTURE – When this repeats
a. “The paint!”
5. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL – When it repeats too many times
a. “I don’t like seeing the floor splattered with paint”.
6. PUT IT IN WRITING – When it repeats too many times
a. ATTENTION ALL ARTISTS: Kindly restore the floor to original condition before leaving the room. Thank you, The Management
7. BE PLAYFUL (Use another voice or Accent) – When the child responds to this technique
a. In a country-and western style sing
i. Ah see paint thar on the floor,
ii. An’ it’s a sight ah do deplore
iii. Git out your mop an’ rags galore
iv. An’ help to do this little chore
Alternatives to Punishment
Child: Oh !@#%^#%@^% I can’t do math
Adult: I warned you over and over again not to use foul language. Now you’re going to be punished.
Instead of threatening punishment, you can:
1. POINT OUT A WAY TO BE HELPFUL
a. “I hear your frustration. It would help if you could express it without cursing”
2. EXPRESS YOUR STRONG DISAPPROVAL (WITHOUT ATTACKING, CHARACTER)
a. “That kind of language upsets me”.
3. STATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
a. “I expect you to find some other way to let me know how angry you are”
4. SHOW THE CHILD HOW TO MAKE AMENDS
a. “What I’d like to see is a list of some strong words you could use instead of the ones you just did. Try the dictionary or thesaurus if you need help”
5. OFFER A CHOICE
a. You can curse to yourself – in your head – or you can use words that won’t offend anyone.
6. LET THE CHILD EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS BEHAVIOUR
a. “When I hear those words, I lose all desire to help you – with math or anything else”.
Problem Solving
1. LISTEN TO THE CHILD’S FEELINGS AND NEEDS.
a. Adult: You seem very upset about failing your Spanish test.
b. Child: I am! I only got twelve words right out of twenty, and I studied for an hour last night!
2. SUMMARIZE THE CHILD’S POINT OF VIEW
a. You sound pretty discouraged. Even though you tried to cram all those new words into your head, some of them refused to stick.
3. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS AND NEEDS
a. My concern is that if you don’t memorize the basic vocabulary, you’ll get further and further behind.
4. INVITE THE CHILD TO BRAINSTORM WITH YOU
a. I wonder if we put our heads together, could we come up with some new and more effective ways to study?
5. WRITE DOWN ALL THE IDEAS – WITHOUT EVALUATING
a. Child: Drop Spanish
b. Adult: I’ve got that. What else?
c. Child: Maybe I could …
6. TOGETHER DECIDE WHICH IDEAS YOU DON’T LIKE, WHICH YOU DO, AND HOW YOU PLAN TO PUT THEM INTO ACTION
a. Adult: What do you think of making flash cards and studying only four new words each night?
b. That’s okay. But instead of flash cards, I like the idea of saying my words into a tape recorder and testing myself until I know them.
Helpful Praise/Constructive Responses
Child: Listen to my poem about a train. Tell me if it is good
Adult: Beautiful! You’re a great poet.
Instead of evaluating, you can:
1. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU SEE.
a. “You caught the ‘chug-a-chug’ rhythm of the train and you found a way to rhyme ‘track’ with ‘clickity-clack’”
2. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL
a. “It makes me feel as if I’m sitting inside a railroad car speeding through the countryside.
Adult: Look at those misspelled words! You can do better than that.
Instead of criticising, you can:
3. POINT OUT WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE
a. “All this poem needs now is the correct spelling of the words ‘caboose’ and ‘freight’ and it’s ready for bulletin board”
Freeing a child from playing a role
Adult: “Nicole, you’re a “motor mouth”. No one can get a word in edgewise with you”.
Instead of labelling a child, you can:
1. LOOK OUT FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO SHOW THE CHILD A NEW PICTURE OF HERSELF
a. “What self control! Even though you had a lot more to say, you realised that others needed a chance to talk.”
2. PUT THE CHILD IN A SITUATION WHERE SHE CAN SEE HERSELF DIFFERENTLY
a. “Nicole, I’d like to you to chair the (class/family) meeting and make sure that everyone gets a turn to speak”.
3. LET THE CHILD OVERHEAR YOU SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT HER
a. “Nicole has so many wonderful ideas that it is hard for her to hold back. Nevertheless I’ve seen her do it”
4. MODEL THE BEHAVIOUR YOU’D LIKE TO SEE
a. “Oh, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Please finish what you were saying. My though will keep”.
5. REMIND THE CHILD OF HER PAST ACCOMPLISHMENTS
a. “I remember the discussion we had on capital punishment. You listened quietly, but when you finally gave your views, some people changed their positions”.
6. STATE YOUR FEELINGS AND/OR EXPECTATIONS
a. “Nicole, when other people are waiting to speak, I’d like you to keep your comments brief”.
The Ideal Conference (PTA)
Instead of starting with what’s wrong …
1. START BY DESCRIBING SOMETHING RIGHT
a. Teacher: I enjoy Sam’s thoughtful questions
b. Parent: Sam liked the lesson you gave on rockets
Instead of pointing out what the child hasn’t done …
2. DESCRIBE WHAT THE CHILD NEEDS TO DO
a. Teacher: Sam needs to make up all the work he missed the week he was out sick.
b. Parent: I think he’s feeling overwhelmed. He can probably use some extra help to catch up.
Instead of withholding information …
3. SHARE PERTINENT INFORMATION
a. Parent: He used to play outdoors when he got home. Now he just sits in front of the TV.
b. Teacher: I see him yawning a lot lately in the class
Instead of giving each other advice …
4. DESCRIBE WHAT HAS WORKED AT HOME OR IN SCHOOL
a. Parent: Ever since he’s been sick, he seems to do better if he takes a short break every fifteen or twenty minutes.
b. Teacher: I notice he has more energy after recess.
Instead of giving up on the child …
5. DEVELOP A PLAN TOGETHER
a. Teacher: I’ll ask another student to help Sam with the work he missed. And I’ll see to it that he takes more frequent breaks.
b. Parent: And I’ll make sure he watches less TV and gets some fresh air and exercise.
Instead of ending on a negative note …
6. END THE CONFERENCE WITH A POSITIVE STATEMENT THAT CAN BE REPEATED TO THE CHILD
a. Teacher: Tell Sam I have confidence that he’ll be able to make up his work. Also tell him that I enjoy having him in my class.
b. Parent: I will. I know he’ll be glad to hear that.
Instead of forgetting the plan after the conference …
7. FOLLOW THROUGH ON THE PLAN
a. Teacher: Jeffrey has been helping Sam and he’s almost all caught up. He also seems to have more energy lately.
b. Parent: My husband has started jogging and Sam has been joining him.
Some Excerpts
1. “The plain fact is that when students are upset, they can’t concentrate. And they certainly can’t absorb new material. It we want to free their minds to think and learn then we have to deal respectfully with their emotions.”
2. Do not be over bearing or pamper the child. A mother “Well … when Lara comes home from school, I make her show me her assignments and I go over them with her and help her get organized. This afternoon I took her to the library and we picked out some excellent books for her report on Eleanor Roosevelt” Teacher was horrified and thought to herself, Lara is a reasonably capable student. The purpose of my homework assignments was to give her and the other children a chance to organize their own time, to work independently, to exercise their own judgement. As tactfully as she could, she said “It seems to me that the best kind of help we can give children is indirect help. Provide a quiet place to work, a good light, a dictionary, a snack if they are hungry, and just be available if they want to ask you something.”. The mother was unconvinced. So the teacher suggests “How would you feel about establishing a nightly routine with Lara? She could either work alone in her room or maybe somewhere near you, and little by little you could make yourself scarce and let Lara take over.” “I wish it were that simple,” Lara’s mother said with some irritation. “but the plain fact is, she won’t do her homework if I don’t keep after her. She “. “Please don’t take offense” another woman interrupted “but I don’t think you’re being fair to your daughter. My mother used to hound me about my homework every night and hover over me to make sure that I did it all and got it right. Sometimes she’d take over and do it for me. After a while I wouldn’t even start my homework unless my mother was there. I guess on some level I figured that as long she was being responsible for me, I didn’t have to be responsible for myself. So that’s my reason for having a “hands-off” homework policy with my daughter.” Lara’s mother looked bewildered. “You mean you never help your child with her homework?” “Well if she’s stuck, I’ll listen to what’s bothering her and try to get her unstuck. But the second she gets going again, I bow out. I want her to know what she’s the one in charge of her homework and that she’s basically CAPABLE OF DOING IT HERSELF”. “That’s assuming she is” Lara’s mother persisted. “But what if she isn’t?”. Without hesitating the woman blurted out “Then get outside help – a tutor, a high school student – or tell her to call another kid in the class. Anything to avoid what happens when parents take over and become ‘passionate’ about their children’s homework”.
3. When we invite a child to join us in tackling a problem, we send a powerful set of messages:
a. “I believe in you”
b. “I trust your ability to think wisely and creatively”
c. “I value your contribution”
d. “I see our relationship not as ‘all powerful grown-up’ exercising authority over ‘ignorant child’ but as adult and child who are equal, not in competence, not in experience, but in equal dignity”.
e. “If there is one thing we can guarantee all of our children, now and in future, it’s problems – sometimes one right after the other. But by teaching them how to approach a problem, by showing them how to break it down into manageable parts, by encouraging them to use their own ingenuity to resolve their problems, we are giving them skills they can depend upon for the rest of their lives.”
4. One way to avoid blame is to shun the accusing you. “You kids never … You always … The trouble with you is … “ Instead substitute I for a you. For example “Here’s what I feel. I get upset when … What I’d like to see is …” As long as they are not being attacked, children can listen to your feelings without becoming defensive.
5. We need to treat children not as they are, but as we hope they will become.
Another must read for all the parents.
January 3, 2021
Though I did not learn as much from this book as Faber's other ones (I have read and re-read How To Talk so Little Kids Will Listen, and I loves Siblings Without Rivalry), I especially appreciated how the actionable steps were framed for teachers, as I am one. I look forward to rethinking how I help students through difficulties.
February 21, 2022
As a future educator, and someone who works in childcare, this book made me realize a lot. I learned that some of the ways I might talk to the children aren't the best ways. I learned more ways to talk to them (obviously it's the title of the book). The thing I took away the most from this is how special every child is, and what I can do to continue to encourage them. Even if you don't agree with everything in the book, and trust me I don't agree with everything, there are still very important lessons that can be learned from this book. I highly recommend this for anyone who does or will work in the education field, child care, ect.
July 24, 2023
1.5 stars...it was pretty bad. maybe it's too harsh to say I knew this already but..let me give you a real example of one of the ideas this book gave on giving feedback
"Instead of sarcasm: 'Who's the genius who forgot to put his name on his test?'
Try naming the problem: 'I have a test paper without a name.'" PLEASEEE
on the importance of allowing/encouraging mistakes it suggested saying: "Besides, sometimes a mistake can lead to a discovery. Look what Columbus found from his mistake! America!" girl...
"Instead of sarcasm: 'Who's the genius who forgot to put his name on his test?'
Try naming the problem: 'I have a test paper without a name.'" PLEASEEE
on the importance of allowing/encouraging mistakes it suggested saying: "Besides, sometimes a mistake can lead to a discovery. Look what Columbus found from his mistake! America!" girl...
July 9, 2022
Love these! Wish everyone would read them!
November 6, 2023
Outdated and basic. I didn't like the narrative/theater performance format.
March 25, 2021
Quick overview of all the relevant info and roleplay examples about learning from their main book, How To Talk So Kids Can Listen. Good reminders.
September 7, 2015
(k:Faber)371.1023 HOW
It is almost duplicate of her How to Talk so kids will listen, but give more concrete examples in the school.
Chap1: How to deal with feeling that interfere with learning
Children need to have their feelings acknowledged at home and in School. p43
"... If we're to have any hope of helping them master their academic skills, we have to help then unpack some of the emotional baggages they carry into our classroom. That means our role as teacher has to change to include many elements of parenting. p60
Chap2: Seven sills that invite kids to cooperate
Kids call out their answers without raising their hands.
Roses are red
Lettuce is green
If you raise your hand
It will be seen.
1. Describe the problem
2. Give information
3. Offer a choice
4. Say it with a word or gesture
5. Describe what you feel
6. Put it in writing
7. Be playful (use another voice and accent)
Chap 3. The pitfalls punishment
1. point out a way to be helpful
2. Express strong disapproval (without attaching character)
3. State your expectation
4. Show the child how to make amends
5. Offer a choice
6. Take action
7. Allow the child to experience the consequence of his misbehaviour
p102 I want to know how to reach inside my students and turn the "desire to misbehave" into "desire to behave appropriately. I wanted to avoid the terrible fallout of punishment and encourage the children to be inner-directed and self-disciplined. I wanted to find some effective alternatives to punishment.
Advocate of punishment p100 -102
Punishment and Its Alternatives: A New Perspective for Behavior Modification by Johnny L. Matson
Applied Behavior Analysis by John O. Cooper
Oppose of punishment
Teacher and Child by Haim Ginott
Reading, Writing and the Hickory Stick: The Appalling Story of Physical and Psychological Abuse in American Schools by Irwin A. Hyman
Maintaining Sanity in the Classroom by Rudolf Dreikurs
others p114
Punished By Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise and Other Bribes by Alfie Kohn
Chap 4. Solving problems together: six steps that engage children's creativity and commitment
1. Listen to the child's feeling and needs. (you seem very upset about failing your test)
2. Summarize the child's points. (You sound pretty discouraged, Even though you tried.)
3. Express your feeling and needs.(My concerns is that if you do not ..., you'll get further and further behind.)
4. Invite the child to brainstorm with you ( I wonder, if we put our heads together, could we come up...)
5. Write down al ideas - without evaluating
6. Together decide which ideas you don't like, which you do, and how you plan to put them into action.
Chap 5: Praise that doesn’t demean, criticism that doesn’t wound
Instead of evaluating, you can
1. Describe what you see or here
2. Describe what you feel
Instead of criticizing, you can
3. Points out what needs to be done.
p181 Praised that creates dependency upon the approval of others (a perfect report card. I'm so proud of you)
Praised that gives a child a sense of his own abilities and accomplishment (There A's represent determination and hours of hard work. You must be proud of yourself.)
p189.. Every answer on this paper is correct. You really understand decimal points. Statement like these help a students to measure himself by his own standards rather than against his classmates' performance.
It is almost duplicate of her How to Talk so kids will listen, but give more concrete examples in the school.
Chap1: How to deal with feeling that interfere with learning
Children need to have their feelings acknowledged at home and in School. p43
"... If we're to have any hope of helping them master their academic skills, we have to help then unpack some of the emotional baggages they carry into our classroom. That means our role as teacher has to change to include many elements of parenting. p60
Chap2: Seven sills that invite kids to cooperate
Kids call out their answers without raising their hands.
Roses are red
Lettuce is green
If you raise your hand
It will be seen.
1. Describe the problem
2. Give information
3. Offer a choice
4. Say it with a word or gesture
5. Describe what you feel
6. Put it in writing
7. Be playful (use another voice and accent)
Chap 3. The pitfalls punishment
1. point out a way to be helpful
2. Express strong disapproval (without attaching character)
3. State your expectation
4. Show the child how to make amends
5. Offer a choice
6. Take action
7. Allow the child to experience the consequence of his misbehaviour
p102 I want to know how to reach inside my students and turn the "desire to misbehave" into "desire to behave appropriately. I wanted to avoid the terrible fallout of punishment and encourage the children to be inner-directed and self-disciplined. I wanted to find some effective alternatives to punishment.
Advocate of punishment p100 -102
Punishment and Its Alternatives: A New Perspective for Behavior Modification by Johnny L. Matson
Applied Behavior Analysis by John O. Cooper
Oppose of punishment
Teacher and Child by Haim Ginott
Reading, Writing and the Hickory Stick: The Appalling Story of Physical and Psychological Abuse in American Schools by Irwin A. Hyman
Maintaining Sanity in the Classroom by Rudolf Dreikurs
others p114
Punished By Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise and Other Bribes by Alfie Kohn
Chap 4. Solving problems together: six steps that engage children's creativity and commitment
1. Listen to the child's feeling and needs. (you seem very upset about failing your test)
2. Summarize the child's points. (You sound pretty discouraged, Even though you tried.)
3. Express your feeling and needs.(My concerns is that if you do not ..., you'll get further and further behind.)
4. Invite the child to brainstorm with you ( I wonder, if we put our heads together, could we come up...)
5. Write down al ideas - without evaluating
6. Together decide which ideas you don't like, which you do, and how you plan to put them into action.
Chap 5: Praise that doesn’t demean, criticism that doesn’t wound
Instead of evaluating, you can
1. Describe what you see or here
2. Describe what you feel
Instead of criticizing, you can
3. Points out what needs to be done.
p181 Praised that creates dependency upon the approval of others (a perfect report card. I'm so proud of you)
Praised that gives a child a sense of his own abilities and accomplishment (There A's represent determination and hours of hard work. You must be proud of yourself.)
p189.. Every answer on this paper is correct. You really understand decimal points. Statement like these help a students to measure himself by his own standards rather than against his classmates' performance.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 265 reviews