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Maybe Baby: 28 Writers Tell the Truth About Skepticism, Infertility, Baby Lust, Childlessness, Ambivalence, and How They Made the Biggest Decision of Their Lives
To breed or not to breed? That is the question twenty-eight accomplished writers—including Anne Lamott, Rick Moody, Kathryn Harrison, and Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez—ponder in this collection of provocative, honest, and deeply personal essays. Based on a popular series at Salon.com, Maybe Baby features parents and nonparents alike exploring how and why they decided whether to have children. This powerful collection offers both frank and nuanced looks at those choices, both alternative and traditional, from a wide range of viewpoints. From abortion to adoption, from ambivalence to baby lust, from single parenting to searching for the right partner to have a baby with, Maybe Baby brings together the full force of opinions about this national—but also intensely personal—debate.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2006
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 119 reviews
July 9, 2010
Actually, my favorite part of this book was the Foreward, by Anne Lamott, where she says:
"Not one part of me thinks you need to have children in order to be whole, or that there are parts of yourself that cannot be revealed any other way. Some people with children like to believe this. Having a child legitimizes them somehow, completes them, validates their psychic parking tickets. They tell pregnant women and couples and one another that those who have chosen not to breed can never know what real love is, what selflessness really means. They like to say that having a child taught them about authenticity.
This is a total crock. Many of the most shut-down, narcissistic, selfish frauds on earth have children. Many of the most-evolved--the richest in spirit, and the most giving--choose not to. For parents to imply a deeper realm of living is pure arrogance.
The exact same chances for awakening, for personal restoration and connection exist for everyone."
I think I love her.
"Not one part of me thinks you need to have children in order to be whole, or that there are parts of yourself that cannot be revealed any other way. Some people with children like to believe this. Having a child legitimizes them somehow, completes them, validates their psychic parking tickets. They tell pregnant women and couples and one another that those who have chosen not to breed can never know what real love is, what selflessness really means. They like to say that having a child taught them about authenticity.
This is a total crock. Many of the most shut-down, narcissistic, selfish frauds on earth have children. Many of the most-evolved--the richest in spirit, and the most giving--choose not to. For parents to imply a deeper realm of living is pure arrogance.
The exact same chances for awakening, for personal restoration and connection exist for everyone."
I think I love her.
September 20, 2007
eh. it was a book of essays by people who weren't sure they wanted to give up their high-flying lifestyles to have a baby. All except the totally insane did. whoop-de-doo. I find it hard to really connect with people who take their lives down a step by selling the paris apartment and moving to a mansion in maine. yeah, if these are your dilemmas, you might get something out of this collection.
March 30, 2009
Overall, the book was so-so, but I was excited to see various essays on why people didn't have kids, choose to have kids, or what their opinions were while they were on the fence.
I thought the "No Thanks, Not For Me" section was the blandest but perhaps that's just because most of my friends do not want to breed, so it's old-hat for me by now. Unfortunately, for many people, children fall into the "expected" category in life and I'm sure the essays would be great for someone who was in that mindset. And, quite frankly, as someone who wants very much to have children, I had a bias towards the essays about the difficulties/changes/joy that parenthood bring.
"On the Fence" and "Taking the Leap" were much more intriguing for me and I really liked the diverse essays. My favorites from OTF: "The Daddy Dilemma" (because it was nice to hear from a guy that wasn't an asshole), "Next Stop, Motherland" (because I do think the family structure and how was raise children in the US is fucked up- the author write about her depression in coming to America and refusal to breed with her husband until they move back to India) and "Redemption" (where the author weighs having children or not throughout his imprisonment, marriage and mental illness diagnosis)
Favorites from TTL: "Not a Pretty Story" (focusing on the author's tremulous relationship with her mother as an adult and then as a parent), "Triple Threat" (about the author's selective reduction, aka abortion, to go from triples to a single baby- by the way, I <3 Amy Richards), "Diagnosis: Broken" (about the racism that pervades what children get labeled gifted vs. autistic, etc.), "My Tribe" (the author describes falling in love with an prison inmate where she teaches, marries him and eventually decides to become a single mother).
I appreciated that, right off the bat in the introduction, abortion was presented and a handful of the author described or at least mentioned their abortions. Adoption was presented, but only focused on the adopter's viewpoint (two adoptees were mentioned/mentioned they were adopted)- I'd really, really like to hear more birth parents' views out in the world. I also appreciated the teenager's story of deciding to parent her baby, but overall the stories were fairly white, middle-ish class (some people got by only decently, others fairly well), adult. I wouldn't buy it, personally, but I'm glad I borrowed it from the library.
I thought the "No Thanks, Not For Me" section was the blandest but perhaps that's just because most of my friends do not want to breed, so it's old-hat for me by now. Unfortunately, for many people, children fall into the "expected" category in life and I'm sure the essays would be great for someone who was in that mindset. And, quite frankly, as someone who wants very much to have children, I had a bias towards the essays about the difficulties/changes/joy that parenthood bring.
"On the Fence" and "Taking the Leap" were much more intriguing for me and I really liked the diverse essays. My favorites from OTF: "The Daddy Dilemma" (because it was nice to hear from a guy that wasn't an asshole), "Next Stop, Motherland" (because I do think the family structure and how was raise children in the US is fucked up- the author write about her depression in coming to America and refusal to breed with her husband until they move back to India) and "Redemption" (where the author weighs having children or not throughout his imprisonment, marriage and mental illness diagnosis)
Favorites from TTL: "Not a Pretty Story" (focusing on the author's tremulous relationship with her mother as an adult and then as a parent), "Triple Threat" (about the author's selective reduction, aka abortion, to go from triples to a single baby- by the way, I <3 Amy Richards), "Diagnosis: Broken" (about the racism that pervades what children get labeled gifted vs. autistic, etc.), "My Tribe" (the author describes falling in love with an prison inmate where she teaches, marries him and eventually decides to become a single mother).
I appreciated that, right off the bat in the introduction, abortion was presented and a handful of the author described or at least mentioned their abortions. Adoption was presented, but only focused on the adopter's viewpoint (two adoptees were mentioned/mentioned they were adopted)- I'd really, really like to hear more birth parents' views out in the world. I also appreciated the teenager's story of deciding to parent her baby, but overall the stories were fairly white, middle-ish class (some people got by only decently, others fairly well), adult. I wouldn't buy it, personally, but I'm glad I borrowed it from the library.
September 18, 2009
If you're looking for a book to help you make a choice, this ain't it. I was disappointed with the number of stories that involved people who hadn't given parenthood much thought. A few of the "no to kids" stories were really, to me, more of a "maybe"... and a few of the "maybe" stories were really "yesses." I was hoping for a balanced book, but they gave way more weight to the yes category than the no category (maybe that's because more people are parents? But still, I was disappointed).
Some stories seemed like they were random thoughts jotted down. Other stories were very honest, some even heartwrenching, and I enjoyed reading them.
Overall, I don't think I would say it was worth the read.
Some stories seemed like they were random thoughts jotted down. Other stories were very honest, some even heartwrenching, and I enjoyed reading them.
Overall, I don't think I would say it was worth the read.
February 22, 2011
I was really excited to pick this one up; I'm on the fence about kids and feel like I need a more compelling reason to have them other than it being the next logical step after getting married. I've never really bought into the elitism that some parents some to exhibit, either. Implying that another's life is somehow not as fulfulling or consequential just because they don't have kids has always grated on my nerves. It seems like a passive-aggressive swipe and a way to self-soothe themselves for the path their life has taken. A lot of people often accuse those who don't have kids of being selfish, but having a kid to make you feel better about yourself seems like the more selfish path to me.
As for us, we're on the fence. I like the idea of kids - or to be specific, babies and maybe toddlers. Any older than that and I honestly don't really care for them. The thought of raising a teenager is honestly terrifying. And this phobia wasn't helped by Lionel Shriver's terrifying book We Need to Talk About Kevin. Shriver was an apt contributor to this collection and made a compelling argument. It really should be required reading before having a kid. I could virtually guarantee you that the birth rate would decline.
The book was borne of a salon.com series called "To Breed or Not To Breed" that sparked an avalanche of responses, many of them heartbreakingly honest. Stories of parents who had kids for the right reasons, the wrong reasons - even no reasons - told their stories. Several even wrote that they regretted having children, which is honestly what I'm most afraid of. Unlike most endeavors, having a kid isn't really something you can change your mind about once it happens. And the only way to see if it's something you'll regret or love is to actually do it. No trial period, no hassle-free returns here. It feels a bit like jumping out of a window on a dare, just to see if it'll kill you. Either way, the answer probably isn't going to be good and you may be best to err on the side of caution.
The book was split into 3 sections: No Thanks Not For Me, On the Fence, and Taking the Leap. It started off great; the first section was cogent, well-written, and resonated with me. The second section was ok, but the third section was soooo long. For a book called Maybe Baby, methinks the editor who compiled the book was a little biased. And she was; while the book was being compiled, she had a baby. And the book editor did the same. So that was a bit annoying and felt almost like a subtle nudge in that direction, which kind of felt hypocritical. Nonetheless, though, this was a pretty good book with some honest stories. While I rated it 4 stars, it was more for the conversation the book starts that for the actual quality of the book, which I would probably rate a 3. Odd, but I think it's so important to actually think through this decision instead of just taking it as a foregone conclusion. That approach might work ok for some, but I'm the type that needs to know exactly what I'm getting myself into upfront with eyes wide open so that I don't make a decision I'll regret later.
As for us, we're on the fence. I like the idea of kids - or to be specific, babies and maybe toddlers. Any older than that and I honestly don't really care for them. The thought of raising a teenager is honestly terrifying. And this phobia wasn't helped by Lionel Shriver's terrifying book We Need to Talk About Kevin. Shriver was an apt contributor to this collection and made a compelling argument. It really should be required reading before having a kid. I could virtually guarantee you that the birth rate would decline.
The book was borne of a salon.com series called "To Breed or Not To Breed" that sparked an avalanche of responses, many of them heartbreakingly honest. Stories of parents who had kids for the right reasons, the wrong reasons - even no reasons - told their stories. Several even wrote that they regretted having children, which is honestly what I'm most afraid of. Unlike most endeavors, having a kid isn't really something you can change your mind about once it happens. And the only way to see if it's something you'll regret or love is to actually do it. No trial period, no hassle-free returns here. It feels a bit like jumping out of a window on a dare, just to see if it'll kill you. Either way, the answer probably isn't going to be good and you may be best to err on the side of caution.
The book was split into 3 sections: No Thanks Not For Me, On the Fence, and Taking the Leap. It started off great; the first section was cogent, well-written, and resonated with me. The second section was ok, but the third section was soooo long. For a book called Maybe Baby, methinks the editor who compiled the book was a little biased. And she was; while the book was being compiled, she had a baby. And the book editor did the same. So that was a bit annoying and felt almost like a subtle nudge in that direction, which kind of felt hypocritical. Nonetheless, though, this was a pretty good book with some honest stories. While I rated it 4 stars, it was more for the conversation the book starts that for the actual quality of the book, which I would probably rate a 3. Odd, but I think it's so important to actually think through this decision instead of just taking it as a foregone conclusion. That approach might work ok for some, but I'm the type that needs to know exactly what I'm getting myself into upfront with eyes wide open so that I don't make a decision I'll regret later.
November 3, 2010
mostly, i think we as a species have reached a point where we seriously overthink every goddamned thing. you and i were put on this earth by and for one purpose: to pass along our genes. questioning the urge to have children is like going on a breathing strike. wtf, right. and yet, isn't it equally imprudent not to ponder this biggest of life-changing decisions? especially for women, having a baby is like dropping a bomb on your life. career, interests, friendships, talents and hobbies, your relationship with the person who impregnated you, all these things take a backseat to this squalling, pooping, inexhaustibly needy- albeit adorable- creature that you just pushed out at great expense to your own body. which is great and all, because you love it and it's yours, but truth be told, american motherhood is about as appealing as a plate of congealed cheese fries.
i found this book to be rather unhelpful, as far as helping a poor confused soul make up her mind about whether she wants children or not. (not that i'm at a point where i need to make a decision, but it doesn't hurt to start thinking about such a big decision far ahead of time, eh?) it's funny that the book is skewed towards breeders- the first half contains the essays from the nos and maybes, the second half is all the yeses- but the stories that most made me rethink the whole 'giving birth and raising children' bit were the breeder's essays about the hideousness, pain, constant anxiety, perpetual failures, failing marriages, frustration, loneliness, and horror that go hand in hand with parenthood. i guess that about sums it up, really. and yet... baby lust is a phenomena to which i, and most women my age, can attest heartily.
so, much like before, i just don't know about this 'reproduction' business. i will say though, that most of these essays were intimate and compelling, and several of them have really stayed on my mind- and those were from across all three sides of the baby question. worth a read for that alone, but don't read this the day before your abortion appointment in the hopes of either cementing or undoing your decision.
i found this book to be rather unhelpful, as far as helping a poor confused soul make up her mind about whether she wants children or not. (not that i'm at a point where i need to make a decision, but it doesn't hurt to start thinking about such a big decision far ahead of time, eh?) it's funny that the book is skewed towards breeders- the first half contains the essays from the nos and maybes, the second half is all the yeses- but the stories that most made me rethink the whole 'giving birth and raising children' bit were the breeder's essays about the hideousness, pain, constant anxiety, perpetual failures, failing marriages, frustration, loneliness, and horror that go hand in hand with parenthood. i guess that about sums it up, really. and yet... baby lust is a phenomena to which i, and most women my age, can attest heartily.
so, much like before, i just don't know about this 'reproduction' business. i will say though, that most of these essays were intimate and compelling, and several of them have really stayed on my mind- and those were from across all three sides of the baby question. worth a read for that alone, but don't read this the day before your abortion appointment in the hopes of either cementing or undoing your decision.
May 15, 2008
The stories were well written, and many of them were entertaining, but I was kind of annoyed by the way the book was set up. I felt like all the on-the-fence people weren't really on the fence - they had decided to have children but the time wasn't right yet. And in one case, one was medically unable to have children. That's not really a choice. I did appreciate the views of the Childfree, but I didn't think there was enough to counter the countless stories about how babies were wonderful.
March 19, 2012
this was kind of just okay. it's a collection of essays by people writing about why & how they decided that they did or did not want to become parents. i think part of the issue is that there's really no way to write about that topic without sounding trite. i think most people more or less have their minds made up & no essay is going to convince them to make a different choice. & no one can really articulate why or how they made their decision without falling back on arguments so well-worn that they have become cliches. ie, "i just always knew i wanted to be a parent." "i knew from seeing my partner interact with our friends' kids that he would be a great dad." "i just wasn't willing to slow down my career." "i always knew parenting was something that didn't interest me." okay...how? why? these are the questions no one can really answer in a new or interesting way.
complicating things even further is the fact that pretty much all the contributers to this book are working professional writers, mostly based in or around new york city. therefore, their lives are pretty different from most people's lives. one contributer writes about how she realized that her ex-pat life in france didn't mesh well with a baby, so she had to throw in the towel & move to a rambling beach house in maine or something instead. wow. that must have been so hard for her. amy richards writes about decided to selectively reduce her natural triplet pregnancy (she seriously went on & on & ON about how she conceived triplets naturally, no fertility drugs or treatments, & with absolutely no awareness of how this definitely could sound like bragging to someone who IS undergoing fertility treatments or taking drugs in an effort to conceive just one baby) to a singleton. she writes that despite having been a high-profile feminist activist & writer for a decade, she'd never heard of selective reduction before. i don't doubt that this may very well be true, but...REALLY? fucking seriously? i really think that says more about richards's very selective reading on feminist topics than it does about the secrecy surrounding selective reduction. specifically, i don't think that richards spent much time reading or educating herself about pregnancy & motherhood before she got pregnant & decided to be a mom. that kind of thing isn't uncommon, but it kind of speaks to a certain lack of intellectual rigor, especially coming from someone who basically portrays herself as a professional feminist. & her argument for the selective reduction basically boils down to, "i didn't think i could easily afford three tuitions to summer camp, but when i told people that, they thought i was a selfish jerk," without exploring at all how maybe some people might be justified in not being real impressed by "summer camp" as an argument. i mean, hello.
this was kind of the heart of the problem with the entire book. it felt like people were writing to a deadline & to the anthology parameters more than they were really exploring their motivations & desires. i'm sure that they WERE mainly writing to a deadline & to anthology parameters--that's pretty much what working writers who do a lot of freelance work do. but to a reader, it felt like empty calories. i am not that interested in reading a collection of essays that were just written for the resume. i really hoped that some of these authors would be able to craft an original, compelling essay about why they did or did not choose parenthood. i'm disappointed.
complicating things even further is the fact that pretty much all the contributers to this book are working professional writers, mostly based in or around new york city. therefore, their lives are pretty different from most people's lives. one contributer writes about how she realized that her ex-pat life in france didn't mesh well with a baby, so she had to throw in the towel & move to a rambling beach house in maine or something instead. wow. that must have been so hard for her. amy richards writes about decided to selectively reduce her natural triplet pregnancy (she seriously went on & on & ON about how she conceived triplets naturally, no fertility drugs or treatments, & with absolutely no awareness of how this definitely could sound like bragging to someone who IS undergoing fertility treatments or taking drugs in an effort to conceive just one baby) to a singleton. she writes that despite having been a high-profile feminist activist & writer for a decade, she'd never heard of selective reduction before. i don't doubt that this may very well be true, but...REALLY? fucking seriously? i really think that says more about richards's very selective reading on feminist topics than it does about the secrecy surrounding selective reduction. specifically, i don't think that richards spent much time reading or educating herself about pregnancy & motherhood before she got pregnant & decided to be a mom. that kind of thing isn't uncommon, but it kind of speaks to a certain lack of intellectual rigor, especially coming from someone who basically portrays herself as a professional feminist. & her argument for the selective reduction basically boils down to, "i didn't think i could easily afford three tuitions to summer camp, but when i told people that, they thought i was a selfish jerk," without exploring at all how maybe some people might be justified in not being real impressed by "summer camp" as an argument. i mean, hello.
this was kind of the heart of the problem with the entire book. it felt like people were writing to a deadline & to the anthology parameters more than they were really exploring their motivations & desires. i'm sure that they WERE mainly writing to a deadline & to anthology parameters--that's pretty much what working writers who do a lot of freelance work do. but to a reader, it felt like empty calories. i am not that interested in reading a collection of essays that were just written for the resume. i really hoped that some of these authors would be able to craft an original, compelling essay about why they did or did not choose parenthood. i'm disappointed.
October 28, 2009
The book opens with a preface by Anne Lamott and then an intro by Leibovich, and then it is structured in three sections: the Nos, the Maybes, and the Yeses (I think they have different titles than that, but I don't have the book in front of me right now and that's the gist of it). Just by looking at the structure I assumed that the book was taking a stance and ending on the Yeses to drive home the "Yes" point of view, but after reading the book I didn't have that feeling at all. Many of the essays in the book were bittersweet--the Yeses as well as the Nos. Many of the fears expressed in the No section were realized by the Yes writers as very real consequences of having a child and as personal regrets. Many of the No writers were perfectly happy in the lives they'd built for themselves and just wished their families and friends would stop feeling sorry for them. Hard topics like abortion are dealt with honestly. There are also quite a number of male perspectives (among them writers like Cary Tennis and Rick Moody), which for some reason surprised me, quite pleasantly--it was lovely to see perspectives on the idea of becoming a father. I highly recommend this book to anyone considering having a child and to anyone considering not having a child. No definitive answers, plenty of food for thought.
October 31, 2008
Separated into three sections: 1) people who definitely don’t want kids, “No Thanks, Not for Me;” 2) people who are undecided, “On the Fence;” and 3) people who have had kids, “Taking the Leap.”
Highlights:
Foreword by Anne Lamott;
“The Life I Was Meant to Have” by Luisita López Torregrosa – lesbian questioning motherhood;
“They Will Find You” by Rebecca Traister about being told by a palm reader that her babies will find her;
“Beyond Biology” by Stephanie Grant about her partner carrying babies and her desire to have her own genes pass down;
“Redemption” by Joe Loya an ex-con unsure if he should procreate since he has mental illness;
“We’ll Always Have Paris” by Peter Nichols about the relationships that almost led to children and finally having his first son at 53, what it does to the life he was used to having and what is replaced;
“Diagnosis: Broken” by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez about her child being misdiagnosed, how attempts to avoid what one’s parents have done create their own problems; and
“One Is Enough” by Neal Pollack, a hilarious treatise on why he and his wife are only having one child and what having the one they’ve got is like.
Highlights:
Foreword by Anne Lamott;
“The Life I Was Meant to Have” by Luisita López Torregrosa – lesbian questioning motherhood;
“They Will Find You” by Rebecca Traister about being told by a palm reader that her babies will find her;
“Beyond Biology” by Stephanie Grant about her partner carrying babies and her desire to have her own genes pass down;
“Redemption” by Joe Loya an ex-con unsure if he should procreate since he has mental illness;
“We’ll Always Have Paris” by Peter Nichols about the relationships that almost led to children and finally having his first son at 53, what it does to the life he was used to having and what is replaced;
“Diagnosis: Broken” by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez about her child being misdiagnosed, how attempts to avoid what one’s parents have done create their own problems; and
“One Is Enough” by Neal Pollack, a hilarious treatise on why he and his wife are only having one child and what having the one they’ve got is like.
November 25, 2008
This book is great. It's a bunch of essays, divided into sections, about the decision to have kids. First is the group against, then the group that walks the middle line (although I think some shouldn't be in this group), and then the group who says yes. It's really an enlightening book. Not just because it covers the topics about how "wonderful" it is to be a parent, and how it will "hurt your marriage" and make you tired. But also because it talks about "selective reduction." (Why isn't this subject brought up when people discuss their feelings on abortion?) My favorite essay is probably one that talks about a child who was originally diagnosed as autistic, until they finally realized he was just a brilliant kid suffering at the hands of bad parenting. Yes. Bad parenting. Over indulging and all that. It was nice to see that someone in our society thinks that bad parenting is possible by way of not letting a kid cry or make mistakes or fall down.
It made me have a few reservations about having kids - am I really ready for some of this? But the books is refreshingly honest about all the good and bad things that come with being a parent.
It made me have a few reservations about having kids - am I really ready for some of this? But the books is refreshingly honest about all the good and bad things that come with being a parent.
February 12, 2011
Yes, I read this book. Shut up. Title notwithstanding, it was pretty good, and I would think would be even for people who are not writers who lie awake at night pondering all the ways a baby might ruin/save their lives. Do I know if I want kids now? Shit no, no book is going to figure that one out for me...
April 8, 2021
Tbh I would finish this book but I was soooo turned off by Lionel Shriver’s ableist child-hating ass and I can’t believe they’d even ask her to contribute something so I don’t trust their judgment on the rest of these writers LOL kids are cool and you can not want them without being a weird ass hater
October 4, 2022
Oh gosh, the autism chapter ... !
This was a mixed bag - as expected, given every chapter is written by a different person. Some were engaging and thoughtful writers; others were rather smug and dull. As many reviewers have pointed out, there are many more 'yes' stories than 'maybe' or 'no' ones. This might not have been an issue if writers had stuck more to the theme of, 'Should I have a baby?' but some of the 'yes' people seemed to have put very little thought into it. Their chapters went, 'So I found my partner, then we had a baby, then -' and they were off on some angle about raising the child. I suppose if you're doing what society expects (having children), you don't need to put so much thought into it.
Anyway, the autism chapter: this is "Diagnosis: Broken" by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez (how awful the title seems having read it!). I'm not autistic myself so will bow to other opinions here but it left me really uncomfortable.
In this chapter the rather insufferable author introduces her son who, as a baby, shows exceptionally advanced language development. How proud the parents are! But as he gets older, red flags (mostly related to communication and social skills) start to appear. His teacher recommends testing for autism and he receives an Asperger's diagnosis. The author loses it. Mental breakdown, self harm, suicidal ideation. She cannot cope with having a child who "understood nothing, loved no one" and describes her child as "trapped, weird, broken, wrong, horrible."
At this point, I was assuming that she'd go on to realise most people with an ASD diagnosis are able to communicate, feel emotions, feel love, etc. and that would be the message of the chapter. But despite being urged in this direction by a couple of people she talks to, what actually happens is she gets him reassessed and WOOHOO THANK THE LORD he's not autistic he's VERY GIFTED!!!
I'm not criticising anyone who struggles with their child's autism diagnosis but I was pretty floored that at no point does she recognise that her understanding of autistic people was wrong and that they probably don't appreciate being referred to as "broken." She's just relieved her son isn't one of them.
This was a mixed bag - as expected, given every chapter is written by a different person. Some were engaging and thoughtful writers; others were rather smug and dull. As many reviewers have pointed out, there are many more 'yes' stories than 'maybe' or 'no' ones. This might not have been an issue if writers had stuck more to the theme of, 'Should I have a baby?' but some of the 'yes' people seemed to have put very little thought into it. Their chapters went, 'So I found my partner, then we had a baby, then -' and they were off on some angle about raising the child. I suppose if you're doing what society expects (having children), you don't need to put so much thought into it.
Anyway, the autism chapter: this is "Diagnosis: Broken" by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez (how awful the title seems having read it!). I'm not autistic myself so will bow to other opinions here but it left me really uncomfortable.
In this chapter the rather insufferable author introduces her son who, as a baby, shows exceptionally advanced language development. How proud the parents are! But as he gets older, red flags (mostly related to communication and social skills) start to appear. His teacher recommends testing for autism and he receives an Asperger's diagnosis. The author loses it. Mental breakdown, self harm, suicidal ideation. She cannot cope with having a child who "understood nothing, loved no one" and describes her child as "trapped, weird, broken, wrong, horrible."
At this point, I was assuming that she'd go on to realise most people with an ASD diagnosis are able to communicate, feel emotions, feel love, etc. and that would be the message of the chapter. But despite being urged in this direction by a couple of people she talks to, what actually happens is she gets him reassessed and WOOHOO THANK THE LORD he's not autistic he's VERY GIFTED!!!
I'm not criticising anyone who struggles with their child's autism diagnosis but I was pretty floored that at no point does she recognise that her understanding of autistic people was wrong and that they probably don't appreciate being referred to as "broken." She's just relieved her son isn't one of them.
May 22, 2024
The 2009 started showing and I couldn't keep taking this seriously. Let myself stop / pause. Essay#4 by Lionel Shriver (whose big book I loved, also I did not realize she was a woman) started to read too much like a bad take in the National Post
July 21, 2015
Like others have mentioned, this book is a mixed bag: some essays are great, some essays made me want to punch the author because I just couldn't stand how smug and annoying they were. (For example, one parent decided to give his child the middle name is Paris, after the city where the child was conceived and where the parents fell in love. Ugh.) Also, it's not evenly split at all between people who want to have kids and people who don't. Most of the essays are about people wanting kids, and at the risk of sounding like a misanthrope, many of them illustrate this point in the introduction perfectly:
"Many of the most shut-down, narcissistic, selfish frauds on earth have children... For parents to imply a deeper realm of living is pure arrogance."
If you're in a hurry, I recommend just checking out these essays and maybe skipping the rest:
- Larry Smith's "The Daddy Dilemma" isn't bad. He brings up a good point that there isn't much data about male decision-making on having babies, and his perspective is fairly thoughtful.
- Lakshmi Chaudhry's "Next Stop, Motherland" is excellent, and I could relate to her desire to raise her children in an environment where her extended family is close by. Folks in the U.S. tend to live mostly in nuclear families *and* they receive no help at all from the government in terms of parental leave or daycare, which really sucks. It's ironic that women in India have a easier time balancing work and family than women in the U.S.
- I like that Dani Shapiro's "Not a Pretty Story" is about her difficult relationship with her mother and how she wants to have a different relationship with her child. Most of the essays are about the parent-child relationship from the parent's perspective, so it was refreshing to hear from the child's perspective too.
- Maggie Jones's "Surprise, Baby" is the only essay about adoption, and I really liked it. I had never thought much about the fact that when you adopt, you might not have the ~9 month time period to prepare for the arrival of a kid. It can happen pretty suddenly, and in the author's case, that was probably a good thing because she just didn't have the time to research/debate about different parenting strategies and just had to do it.
- Amy Richard's "Triple Threat" introduced me to the term "selective reduction," which I suspected must happen with so many women undergoing IVF these days and probably wanting to avoid multiple births.
- Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez's "Diagnosis: Broken" has some sobering stats about minority children being less likely to be accepted into talented and gifted programs although I found her attitudes towards autism spectrum disorder a bit problematic.
- I like Amy Reiter's "Mama Don't Preach." The main message is that it's totally fine not to be a parent if you'd rather not. Somehow, I found this essay more compelling than some of the essays that belonged to the "No" section of this book.
- Asha Bandele's "My Tribe" is fascinating. I realize that some readers complained that this one was unrelatable because it's about having a child with a prison inmate, but specifics aside, there was a lot I could relate to. I completely understand the desire to not live up to certain stereotypes. I also understand wanting to be perfect all the time to avoid people assuming certain things about you just because of your appearance or background.
"Many of the most shut-down, narcissistic, selfish frauds on earth have children... For parents to imply a deeper realm of living is pure arrogance."
If you're in a hurry, I recommend just checking out these essays and maybe skipping the rest:
- Larry Smith's "The Daddy Dilemma" isn't bad. He brings up a good point that there isn't much data about male decision-making on having babies, and his perspective is fairly thoughtful.
- Lakshmi Chaudhry's "Next Stop, Motherland" is excellent, and I could relate to her desire to raise her children in an environment where her extended family is close by. Folks in the U.S. tend to live mostly in nuclear families *and* they receive no help at all from the government in terms of parental leave or daycare, which really sucks. It's ironic that women in India have a easier time balancing work and family than women in the U.S.
- I like that Dani Shapiro's "Not a Pretty Story" is about her difficult relationship with her mother and how she wants to have a different relationship with her child. Most of the essays are about the parent-child relationship from the parent's perspective, so it was refreshing to hear from the child's perspective too.
- Maggie Jones's "Surprise, Baby" is the only essay about adoption, and I really liked it. I had never thought much about the fact that when you adopt, you might not have the ~9 month time period to prepare for the arrival of a kid. It can happen pretty suddenly, and in the author's case, that was probably a good thing because she just didn't have the time to research/debate about different parenting strategies and just had to do it.
- Amy Richard's "Triple Threat" introduced me to the term "selective reduction," which I suspected must happen with so many women undergoing IVF these days and probably wanting to avoid multiple births.
- Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez's "Diagnosis: Broken" has some sobering stats about minority children being less likely to be accepted into talented and gifted programs although I found her attitudes towards autism spectrum disorder a bit problematic.
- I like Amy Reiter's "Mama Don't Preach." The main message is that it's totally fine not to be a parent if you'd rather not. Somehow, I found this essay more compelling than some of the essays that belonged to the "No" section of this book.
- Asha Bandele's "My Tribe" is fascinating. I realize that some readers complained that this one was unrelatable because it's about having a child with a prison inmate, but specifics aside, there was a lot I could relate to. I completely understand the desire to not live up to certain stereotypes. I also understand wanting to be perfect all the time to avoid people assuming certain things about you just because of your appearance or background.
August 14, 2011
Several books purport to discuss the pros and cons of rearing children in our society, but this is one of the few books that does so objectively. This anthology is divided into three sections: those who chose not to have children, those who are undecided, and those who chose to go ahead and have children. When I first picked this book up, I feared that it would lean heavily in favor of having children, since there are more essays in that section than in the other two combined, but ultimately the quality of the essays in the first two sections made it a fair trade off. Furthermore, not all the essays by people who chose to have children extol the joys of child-rearing. Many are painful looks at the realities of raising difficult children, parenting with mental illness, or making the decision to selectively reduce a multiple pregnancy.
Highlights of this collection include Mother's Little Helper by Laurie Abraham, an eerie look at how parenting can usher in alcoholism, Neal Pollack's declaration that one child is perfect but two would destroy his marriage, and Luista Lopez Torregrosa's musing that children would have likely replaced her writing. Lakshmi Chaudhry is so disenchanted with the American Mommy Myth that she and her husband contemplate moving back to India to have children, and Amy Reiter is a happy mother who comes out in full support of the childfree. As with any anthology, some of the essays were better than others - I recall one essay with an off-handed comment about an international adoptee that made me cringe - but on the whole the essays in this collection were engrossing, well developed, and inspiring.
The insightful nature of the essays makes this a natural read-alike for One Big Happy Family: 18 Writers Talk About Polyamory, Open Adoption, Mixed Marriage, Househusbandry, Single Motherhood, and Other Realities of Truly Modern Love. Careful readers will even recognize asha bandele's "My Tribe" as a reworking of "Woman Up" from that collection. Readers who are trying to answer the question of whether or not to have children themselves will also enjoy I'm Okay, You're a Brat: Setting Priorities Straight and Freeing Yourself From the Guild and Mad Myths of Parenthood by Susan Jeffers.
Highlights of this collection include Mother's Little Helper by Laurie Abraham, an eerie look at how parenting can usher in alcoholism, Neal Pollack's declaration that one child is perfect but two would destroy his marriage, and Luista Lopez Torregrosa's musing that children would have likely replaced her writing. Lakshmi Chaudhry is so disenchanted with the American Mommy Myth that she and her husband contemplate moving back to India to have children, and Amy Reiter is a happy mother who comes out in full support of the childfree. As with any anthology, some of the essays were better than others - I recall one essay with an off-handed comment about an international adoptee that made me cringe - but on the whole the essays in this collection were engrossing, well developed, and inspiring.
The insightful nature of the essays makes this a natural read-alike for One Big Happy Family: 18 Writers Talk About Polyamory, Open Adoption, Mixed Marriage, Househusbandry, Single Motherhood, and Other Realities of Truly Modern Love. Careful readers will even recognize asha bandele's "My Tribe" as a reworking of "Woman Up" from that collection. Readers who are trying to answer the question of whether or not to have children themselves will also enjoy I'm Okay, You're a Brat: Setting Priorities Straight and Freeing Yourself From the Guild and Mad Myths of Parenthood by Susan Jeffers.
August 3, 2020
غرق شدن در دنیای آدم ها و بچه هایی که می خواستند یا نمی خواستند..سوال هایی که هر انسان متاهلی با آنها رو به روست و جواب درستی برای آنها ندارد. کتابی درباره ی همه ی ترس ها و تردیدهای بچه دار شدن به قلم نویسندگانی پرشور و زنده.
May 6, 2014
It took me almost six months from the time I first checked out Maybe Baby to when I finally finished reading it. I renewed the book multiple times, and when I ran out of renewals, I returned the book and then went back to the library the next day to check it out again. I just wasn’t in the proper mindset to read it. I actually read the first two sections (“No Thanks, Not for Me” and “On the Fence”) a while ago but couldn’t push myself to read “Taking the Leap”, probably because I am currently sitting on the fence closer to hopping back to safety than off the cliff.
There are six stories in the first section, seven stories in the second section, and 15 stories in the final section. So it’s almost split evenly between the no/maybe camp and the yes camp. However, there were some stories that did not belong in the “On the Fence” section. I will blame the editor for their placement instead of the authors, but it still bothered me greatly to think I was going to read similar views and perspectives as what I am currently going through, when instead a few authors talked about how they are not ready right now but have decided they will have a baby eventually. And another story involved a lesbian couple who ALREADY have twin girls. The author’s confusion is over whether she should become pregnant herself and have another child (her partner birthed the twins). I don’t care whether you carry a child in your womb or not…you are already a mother! There is no “maybe” about it!
I agree with other reviewers’ assessments that a book cannot help you decide whether you truly want a child or not. However, so many of the yes stories talked about the bad parts of parenthood that it might have given more weight to my growing list of reasons against having a child. The collection was definitely an intriguing idea; I just don’t think it was executed as well as it could have been. I’m glad I’m finally done with it and can return it to the library!
There are six stories in the first section, seven stories in the second section, and 15 stories in the final section. So it’s almost split evenly between the no/maybe camp and the yes camp. However, there were some stories that did not belong in the “On the Fence” section. I will blame the editor for their placement instead of the authors, but it still bothered me greatly to think I was going to read similar views and perspectives as what I am currently going through, when instead a few authors talked about how they are not ready right now but have decided they will have a baby eventually. And another story involved a lesbian couple who ALREADY have twin girls. The author’s confusion is over whether she should become pregnant herself and have another child (her partner birthed the twins). I don’t care whether you carry a child in your womb or not…you are already a mother! There is no “maybe” about it!
I agree with other reviewers’ assessments that a book cannot help you decide whether you truly want a child or not. However, so many of the yes stories talked about the bad parts of parenthood that it might have given more weight to my growing list of reasons against having a child. The collection was definitely an intriguing idea; I just don’t think it was executed as well as it could have been. I’m glad I’m finally done with it and can return it to the library!
August 27, 2014
This book, like most anthologies, was a mixed bag. I liked seeing all the different perspectives on parenthood, although that same variety of perspectives meant that a lot of them were difficult to relate to. I would have liked a bit less “This is why and how we chose/didn’t choose to have a baby” and a bit more specifics on what it was like afterwards, but maybe I’m being too picky.
High points:
- Lakshmi Chaudhry came closest to articulating my own fears about parenthood in her essay “Next Stop, Motherland,” and made me wish that the US had something more like the Indian culture she describes that gives mothers space to lead their own lives (well, I wished it for about two seconds, at least, until I realized I wouldn’t last a day in such a hypersocial environment).
- Andrew Leonard’s “Road Trip” painted a picture of a life profoundly changed by having children without revolving entirely around said children.
- All the authors who mentioned not having a clue what that biological clock thing is that everyone talks about. I feel you.
Low points:
- Lionel Shriver's guilt over hastening the demise of white culture by not providing the world with affluent white children. (But she would like you to know that she's not a racist.)
- Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez's wildly offensive "Diagnosis: Broken," which, as an autistic adult, made me feel like I was being punched in the face repeatedly as I read. (As well as getting the facts wrong on autism in some potentially-harmful ways. Please, if anyone with an autistic child reads this book, know this: Autistic people do understand the things they say, and they do feel love. Listen to your children - don't dismiss their communication as meaningless because some book or article on the internet told you it is - and understand that they do love you.)
High points:
- Lakshmi Chaudhry came closest to articulating my own fears about parenthood in her essay “Next Stop, Motherland,” and made me wish that the US had something more like the Indian culture she describes that gives mothers space to lead their own lives (well, I wished it for about two seconds, at least, until I realized I wouldn’t last a day in such a hypersocial environment).
- Andrew Leonard’s “Road Trip” painted a picture of a life profoundly changed by having children without revolving entirely around said children.
- All the authors who mentioned not having a clue what that biological clock thing is that everyone talks about. I feel you.
Low points:
- Lionel Shriver's guilt over hastening the demise of white culture by not providing the world with affluent white children. (But she would like you to know that she's not a racist.)
- Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez's wildly offensive "Diagnosis: Broken," which, as an autistic adult, made me feel like I was being punched in the face repeatedly as I read. (As well as getting the facts wrong on autism in some potentially-harmful ways. Please, if anyone with an autistic child reads this book, know this: Autistic people do understand the things they say, and they do feel love. Listen to your children - don't dismiss their communication as meaningless because some book or article on the internet told you it is - and understand that they do love you.)
November 14, 2008
This book, a collection of essays by writers about why they decided to become parents (or not), intrigued me because I am a 26-year-old married woman with zero interest in ever having children. It is not, however, a book I would have picked up while browsing in the bookstore, mostly because I don't visit the Parenting and Family section.
This book is a little lop-sided. A mere 18% of it is spent on people who made the decision to be childless; the "On the Fence" section is misnamed, as all the articles are about people who want children but for whatever reason do not have them (with the exception of the woman who has already children, but they are not biologically related to her). It should have been titled "On the Verge."
A few of the essays stick out in my mind. One believes that while she practices it herself, childlessness on a large scale will mean the death of American culture. Another admits to wanting a child mostly because she wants someone who looks like her. Another talks about her son's diagnosis of autism. But while there were certainly differences, I was struck most by the similarity of the stories. Sure, they're all writers, but it went beyond that. A large number of them casually discussed their travels to far corners of the world, their liberal political leanings, their abortions, their passion for fine art and wine. Most of them also started their families relatively late - in their 30s or 40s.
Unless you are fascinated by the subject of parenthood, this is not a book to be read all in one sitting. The stories start to run together and more than a few feel tediously familiar. That said, I'm glad I read it; I still don't want children, but now I understand a little better those that do.
This book is a little lop-sided. A mere 18% of it is spent on people who made the decision to be childless; the "On the Fence" section is misnamed, as all the articles are about people who want children but for whatever reason do not have them (with the exception of the woman who has already children, but they are not biologically related to her). It should have been titled "On the Verge."
A few of the essays stick out in my mind. One believes that while she practices it herself, childlessness on a large scale will mean the death of American culture. Another admits to wanting a child mostly because she wants someone who looks like her. Another talks about her son's diagnosis of autism. But while there were certainly differences, I was struck most by the similarity of the stories. Sure, they're all writers, but it went beyond that. A large number of them casually discussed their travels to far corners of the world, their liberal political leanings, their abortions, their passion for fine art and wine. Most of them also started their families relatively late - in their 30s or 40s.
Unless you are fascinated by the subject of parenthood, this is not a book to be read all in one sitting. The stories start to run together and more than a few feel tediously familiar. That said, I'm glad I read it; I still don't want children, but now I understand a little better those that do.
July 15, 2008
This book is a mixed bag. The essays are interesting and I felt there was a good range of perspective (though the range of writers is not so large). However, many of the essayists are downright unlikeable. Most of them write for a living, which isn't in and of itself a problem. Rather, the problem stems from the style of prose. Many of the essayists are pretentious, high-strung, overly flowery, and generally far too pleased with their own cleverness to be interested in conveying facts. The question is: "How did you make the biggest decision of your life?" The answers are much less straightforward, but there were few writers who bothered to answer the question in detail or clarity.
That being said, however, it's comforting to know I'm not the only person who has struggled with this question. Thanks to the multitude of choices available in our modern age, the answer to the question: "Will I reproduce?" is no longer simple or straightforward. While the book did not help me answer this question, it did provide perspective on others who have gone before.
By all means, read this book if you're trying to decide whether or not to have a child.
Just don't expect it to answer the question, or provide any earth-shaking revelations.
That being said, however, it's comforting to know I'm not the only person who has struggled with this question. Thanks to the multitude of choices available in our modern age, the answer to the question: "Will I reproduce?" is no longer simple or straightforward. While the book did not help me answer this question, it did provide perspective on others who have gone before.
By all means, read this book if you're trying to decide whether or not to have a child.
Just don't expect it to answer the question, or provide any earth-shaking revelations.
February 1, 2011
Anyone who knows me is aware of how I feel about children and the prospect of motherhood in general. However, this book was recommended to me by someone who is equally, if not more so, repelled by motherhood as I am. It is because of that fact that I was willing to give it a shot. All in all, it was an enjoyable read, just as my friend said. The book explores the idea of becoming a parent through three different viewpoints: those who are adamantly against it, those who are "on the fence", and those who have already taken the plunge. It was interesting to read such honest accounts of how children infiltrate, enhance, destroy, and bring complete chaos into ones life.
I will say that I wish there had been more essays in the "against" section of the book. In a world that scorns women who wish to remain childless, it was a welcome change to read about other women who feel the same way you do (I knew they were out there somewhere). I enjoyed relating to these women, reading their words and thinking "yes, Yes, YES...that's exactly how I feel/have always felt!"
That being said, I would recommend this book to any woman for or against children as an easy, quick, enjoyable read.
I will say that I wish there had been more essays in the "against" section of the book. In a world that scorns women who wish to remain childless, it was a welcome change to read about other women who feel the same way you do (I knew they were out there somewhere). I enjoyed relating to these women, reading their words and thinking "yes, Yes, YES...that's exactly how I feel/have always felt!"
That being said, I would recommend this book to any woman for or against children as an easy, quick, enjoyable read.
June 29, 2008
This is the book to read if you are thinking about having a baby, feel horrible for not wanting a baby, or have wanted a baby since you were 5 years old! There are three sections to this collection of short stories, giving the overall perspective of the big choice and many of the essays are written by famous authors. (Rick Moody, Anne Lamott) The first set of stories is about people who decided to have a baby, then stories of people who still aren't sure, and finally stories about people who decided not to have children. All of the sections deal with the topic gracefully and honestly, giving the reader a true perspective of what influences a person to make the choice about having children. The collection is also diverse enough to make everyone feel comfortable and represented. (There is a story from a lesbian couple and a couple from India) It makes those who don't want a child feel less alone, and those who do want a child feel surer of their choice.
February 12, 2008
So far this book concerns me.. It's arranged in three sections-'no thanks, not for me', 'on the fence' and 'taking the leap'. Maybe it's the forward by Anne Lamottt, whose overt christianity makes me nervous, but the way the book is arranged, with the last part being stories about those who have chosen to have children makes it seem as if that is the part of the book most important, the part we are supposed to be left with. So. Obviously I need to read this book, since the subject is a confusing one for me, and I'm paranoid enough to think there is some sort of agenda here...which there probably isn't.
Much later:
It turned out okay really, no agenda there. And the stories were varied, sad, beautiful and interesting. One thing that surprised me, but then, really didn't, was that many of these stories highlighted the mothers of the women and men deciding to have children.
Much later:
It turned out okay really, no agenda there. And the stories were varied, sad, beautiful and interesting. One thing that surprised me, but then, really didn't, was that many of these stories highlighted the mothers of the women and men deciding to have children.
June 19, 2011
I am on a non-fic kick. And I am really enjoying it! Someone posted something on this book in one of the reading journals I am a part of, but I usually just flip through but for some reason, I stopped at this one. I don’t know why. This book just seemed interesting and they actually had it at the library. It was about why some women choose not have to children. At least that is what they promote this book as. When in reality, it is split into three parts, one about people who choose not to have children and why, another about people who are on the cusp and reasons why they did or did not have children and the biggest part of the book was reasons why they had children. I didn’t like that the biggest part of the book was about people that did have children because it kind of defeated the point of it all. Interesting read, but a little too self involved for my taste.
Grade: C+
Grade: C+
August 27, 2012
When I started the book I was a bit worried because a couple of the essays at the beginning were a bit dry, but after I got past them I found most of the essays really fascinating. Because there are 28 different writers/essays it felt like I was indulging in one of those cheesecakes that are made up of different flavored slices. It was fantastic.
Every writer was very honest and sometimes painfully raw about their life experiences and their feelings about children. I loved the honesty and appreciated that no one was trying to sway the reader to either "side." Being around parents who, like robots, declare the stereotypical, "Parenthood is tough but it's the best decision I ever made," it was refreshing to read parents saying something different, unafraid to share their truths no matter how "unparentlike" it may sound.
Every writer was very honest and sometimes painfully raw about their life experiences and their feelings about children. I loved the honesty and appreciated that no one was trying to sway the reader to either "side." Being around parents who, like robots, declare the stereotypical, "Parenthood is tough but it's the best decision I ever made," it was refreshing to read parents saying something different, unafraid to share their truths no matter how "unparentlike" it may sound.
March 11, 2013
Eh. Maybe as someone who's not really conflicted in this area it's not for me.
Some essays were excellent, some were good, some were kind of frustrating. All were well-written but I guess I felt like some of the contributions here could have been better selected. My (complete) guess is that the editor invited writers to submit an essay without any real possibility of rejection or selection. That was the impression I got.
I bought this book to read and then possibly give a friend of mine who is struggling with the child choice. But I'm not sure I think it's all that helpful. Well let me get more specific - I liked the "No" and "Maybe" sections but was disappointed with the "Yes" section. That felt like it was more just writers' experiences with having children, not really how they came to that decision.
Some essays were excellent, some were good, some were kind of frustrating. All were well-written but I guess I felt like some of the contributions here could have been better selected. My (complete) guess is that the editor invited writers to submit an essay without any real possibility of rejection or selection. That was the impression I got.
I bought this book to read and then possibly give a friend of mine who is struggling with the child choice. But I'm not sure I think it's all that helpful. Well let me get more specific - I liked the "No" and "Maybe" sections but was disappointed with the "Yes" section. That felt like it was more just writers' experiences with having children, not really how they came to that decision.
May 3, 2013
I was disappointed because on the cover the book says it includes the perspective of the infertile wannabe parent, but in actuality it does not. If you are infertile and emotional about it, you will not find comfort in this book. In fact, you will cry a number if times from reading stories of ungrateful and sometimes bad parents. If you are an aware individual, you may still find a sliver of comfort in your infertility by seeing so many examples of how miserable people can be with children. Some stories briefly give you a glimpse of a silver lining. Overall, I would highly recommend this book for ambivalent people hoping to find comfort in their decision of whether or not to conceive. If you are a person with a strong desire to have children but are unable to conceive, I strongly recommend NOT reading this book.
February 1, 2015
This book is a collection of essays, written mostly by professional writers, who reflect on their decisions to have or not have children and discuss what their journeys have been like. The book is divided into three sections: those who have chosen not to have kids, those who are still on the fence, and those who have taken the plunge. The third section is twice as long as the other two, and it would have been nice to hear from some more writers who fit in the first two categories (especially those who have chosen not to have kids). However, I appreciated that even though the book seems pro-kid overall, the writers who do have kids reflect on the joys as well as the challenges and sorrows. It felt pretty balanced and didn’t sugar coat anything. Overall, it was well written and enjoyable – not amazing or life changing, but worth the read.
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