I am a hollow shell of a human being after finishing I'm Glad My Mom Died.
(Sorry for the long review in advance because I have a lot to say...as per uI am a hollow shell of a human being after finishing I'm Glad My Mom Died.
(Sorry for the long review in advance because I have a lot to say...as per usual it seems like)
To start things off, I'm not the kind of person to read ebooks. I can't really do anything about that when it comes to my NetGalley eARCs, but other than that, I like the feel of a book in my hands. I like to feel my fingers on paper as I turn the page, see my bookmark move through the book, and see my progress in real life vs. a percent complete number on my phone. All physical copies of I'm Glad My Mom Died sold out in my area even though it's been literally 2 days since the book was officially published and will be on backorder until the end of the month. I bit the bullet, created an Amazon account of my own, downloaded the Kindle app, paid $14.99 for the book, and IMMEDIATELY started reading it. (I will be buying the physical copy when it's not back-ordered anymore.)
I didn't even realize it was almost 3 AM when I decided I was at a good stopping place and also realized I made it through 75% of the book already, and THAT is when you know a book is worth reading. You know a book is good when you lose track of time, you're fully engaged in what's going on, and you can't. Stop. Turning. The pages. (Or swiping them in this case lol.) I have never highlighted and made notes on so many things before reading this memoir either.
Jennette McCurdy, as I'm sure she does for many of you who grew up watching Nickelodeon, holds a special place in my heart as being part of my childhood memories. I remember watching iCarly religiously when I was 8-11 years old. It was basically my entire personality when I was 9-10 years old when the show was at its peak (sorry to anyone who knew me during that time). I would come home from school and finish all my homework before parking myself in front of the TV waiting for an iCarly rerun to come on. I made sure I was in front of the TV by 8 or 9 PM every Saturday night when a new episode aired because my family didn't have a DVR at the time and it got to the point where I was flat out memorizing full scenes from different episodes and quoting them on cue. Hell, I even convinced my parents to make spaghetti tacos for dinner on multiple occasions and considered making my own butter sock for fun.
I was absolutely heartbroken reading this memoir and learning that for someone who spent a good portion of her life making us laugh as kids and providing memories for our childhood, she got hers taken away from her due to an abusive, narcissistic mother who forced her into an industry she didn't want to be in and flat-out stripped her of her childhood. It really goes to show that you never know what's going on behind the scenes in anyone's life. McCurdy's mother made her the breadwinner of her family so early on in her life, she was taking 14 dance classes a week on top of acting classes, actual schoolwork, and eventually a country music record deal for a short period of time.
I was so sad reading about how McCurdy felt like she and her mom were close and that she wants to do whatever she can to make her happy, even if that meant getting breast and vaginal exams from her, letting her shower her (with her brother sometimes!) until she was about eighteen years old, and introduce her to calorie counting which eventually leads to her eating disorders and creating a poor relationship with food. She knew that all of this was wrong-that she didn't want to be an actress, that she knew calorie counting was wrong, that she knew she had an eating disorder and wanted to change- yet she persisted through all of it because it's what made her mother happy and how she got her mother's approval. Even at such a young age, she felt responsible for making sure her mother's breast cancer didn't come back while she was in remission and I remember a scene in the memoir when her grandfather tells her that no child should ever have this much stress put upon them and that they should be allowed to have a normal childhood and I broke down in tears because he's right!
The entertainment industry, specifically The Creator and Nickelodeon, did her SO dirty. I'm sure if you're on Book Twitter (or just Twitter in general, since it's been trending for about the last week or so) that you've seen the screenshots of parts of the memoir floating around about how The Creator made her drink alcohol at 18, forced her to take photos in a bikini, and promised her her own spin-off show which ended up being Sam and Cat instead. Nickelodeon offering her $300K in exchange for her silence about The Creator's abuse was so wrong on so many levels and I'm glad McCurdy didn't take the money.
While this memoir was heartbreaking, it was also equal parts funny. There were times when I laughed reading her memories with Miranda Cosgrove, parts where I was like, "Oh my gosh, I remember this episode," and parts where I laughed out loud in shock because no way did this just happen. Her writing style was super easy to read and easy to stay engaged in, and the short chapters also helped with that as well.
I'm not going to lie, I thought the title was a little harsh when I first heard of the book (without reading the synopsis or the actual book yet), but after finishing it, I'll say that I, too, am glad her mother died. I'm glad to see in different interviews that Jennette McCurdy is in a good place today and she's doing well! I'm also glad that she put this book out in the world because I feel like everyone needs to read this. If you haven't read this yet, what are you waiting for?
5 stars -- Trigger warnings: eating disorders, death of a parent, terminal cancer, child abuse, vomit/emesis, physical abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, mental illness, alcoholism and alcohol consumption, age-gap relationships (in this case it was grooming)...more
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