This book is a look how we establish boundaries and the considerations that determine how we uphold our own boundaries. The book has basically four maThis book is a look how we establish boundaries and the considerations that determine how we uphold our own boundaries. The book has basically four main "skills" that are repeated throughout the book. The book does a decent job of bringing up under considered issues such as power dynamics that arise from gender, race, and disabilities. It is also exceptionally contemporary in the examples chosen.
There were some issues. The book feels as though it was written in chunks or by different authors at different times. In the first half, the chapters are exceptionally short, the grammar is tight yet the pages are riddled with personal stories, to the tune of two and sometimes three per page! The personal testimonies become a bit nauseating in their overuse. The second half the book, however, is completely devoid of personal stories. The grammar is a bit sloppy with single paragraphs spilling over multiple pages. One thing does remain the same: the redundant writing. The reader would be smartly advised to only read every page of every other chapter to get the same message. In one instance, I found nearly the exact same sentence written in multiple places in the book each pretending to be a new idea.
Lastly, I will say this book is very Seattle. It is absolutely a product of the culture in Seattle and for anyone living in this region, it would be easy to guess nearly every biographical detail of the author's life.
In summation, it is a very good book that probably should have been edited another round or two and had a second author. Still very much worth the read and I will absolutely recommend it!...more
This book has a lot of easy to understand, easily discernible insights. The chapters are all quite short to encourage you to read the entire book. TheThis book has a lot of easy to understand, easily discernible insights. The chapters are all quite short to encourage you to read the entire book. The advice is casual and doable. While the book was written in the 90s, it is not as dated as you might expect. I do wish the author had delved a bit deeper into issues of power dynamics but that they were mentioned at all is a big win.
The true success of this book is that you can easily replace "teens" and insert "co-workers," "partners," "family members" and still have an accurate and useful tool. ...more
By far, worst book on consent I have read to date. This book was a mess.
Let's start with the good - which won't take long. The art is good. I appreciBy far, worst book on consent I have read to date. This book was a mess.
Let's start with the good - which won't take long. The art is good. I appreciate someone trying to do a graphic novel on consent. And that's all I can say that was good.
Now for the rest...
This book was a catastrophe. The text is almost unreadable it is so poorly thought out. The actual mechanics for reading the conversations are awful. The conversations themselves are so far from natural that it shouldn't have been included at all. In fact, the text is so strained and so awkward and unbelievable that I feel it works *against* the idea of consent.
The content is not good. The stories the author wrote don't accomplish what they set out to do. They don't make sense, they aren't relatable at all and come across as a bit sloppy or even lazy. The author is trying so so so hard to "teach you something" that it becomes a muddled mess of absolutely nothing.
At best, I would say the author should forget the consent angle, keep the art, and rebrand this as porn. That's honestly all it is. There is not worthwhile discussion on consent here. This has no nuance, this wont further consent culture, this won't help anyone talk about consent better or more often. This book should be enjoyed for the art and that's it.
Credit! This book was actually rather well done. The book explores consent through body boundaries. What was most impressive about this book is the atCredit! This book was actually rather well done. The book explores consent through body boundaries. What was most impressive about this book is the attempt to get children to recognize that when someone is giving a non-verbal no! Nice job!...more
This book is nearing 30 years old and I wanted to see how it held up. It does not.
The book is an absolute product of its time but offers very little This book is nearing 30 years old and I wanted to see how it held up. It does not.
The book is an absolute product of its time but offers very little helpful information now. The author has cherry picked situations that reaffirm the same mantra over and over: women don't have strong boundaries. The book is based entirely on how woman are treated as less than men and do not have proper boundaries. The true sadness in this book is that the author does the same thing. The way she treats women shows her own lacking ability to see them as having the same worth as men. In one example she discusses how women are forced to wear bikinis in Florida to appeal to men. This struct me as so profoundly out of touch it was hard to continue reading. It never dawned on the author that any woman might want to wear something because she wanted to wear something.
All of the examples, all of the phrasings, all of the advice, truly stemmed from this fervent belief that women had to create better boundaries to protect themselves from men. In every single case this was attributed to a childhood trauma. In every single case the only possible way out was to find the way out of the relationship through therapy. I do not believe more than one page went by without the author directly women to go to therapy. I found this a bit tiresome and unreliable.
The author is writing from a specific moment and it shows. I appreciate the effort of this book but the insights are limited at best and the author fails to see her own blindspots even as they bleed on every line. It's all a bit of a painted pony show and one that should have been put to pasture three decades ago.
I will say, after reading this book it is exceptionally clear who I have met who has ever read this book. It certainly has informed their way of viewing boundaries and their approach to viewing women and therapy. Interestingly, I was impressed by the reviews that had been left by other readers. The reviews often offered more nuanced examples of these points and some ideas worthy of serious contemplation. Most reviews did note the same issues as listed above along as trouble with the lack of depth, the "exercises," and the dated outlook including the views on women, sex and abuse. ...more
Imagine you ask me what I'm reading and I tell you, "it's a book about consent."
That image you suddenly get in your mind? A book of stories of the horImagine you ask me what I'm reading and I tell you, "it's a book about consent."
That image you suddenly get in your mind? A book of stories of the horror of being raped?
That is precisely this book.
Which is a shame. This book is a collection of the worst moments of someone's life and how they have slowed down time to live with that person forever. The one small event, in one case only a few seconds, would be a part of almost every other day for their entire life. This book is essay after essay written by relatively well known people who have experienced sexual assault. It means that (almost) all are stories that are written by writers who aren't quite story tellers.
When someone tells you about a break in or a robbery or some other event that is a clear violation, it's strange how we begin to see ourselves in that story. There will always, inevitably, be that one detail that keeps us awake because we picture ourself in that precise moment. The trouble with this book is that the writers are accustomed to being read/heard/seen. In that, somehow, the narration, the essay, it all becomes distant. In four of the essays, the writers opted for some rather radical departures from traditional story telling but it defeated the purpose. The goal of this book was to bring to light the horror associated with these assaults but by distancing the reader by unusual narrative styles, the book failed to resonate... even to someone who has been assaulted.
I think this book is a bit of shame. I think it unfortunately does the very thing it needed to not do. It provided a story that had no where to go. None of the essays were relatable. None of the essays allowed for conversation and a way to start moving things towards better. The writings only were stills of horrific moments with nothing else to say.
What this book needed, what so many books about consent need, is the ability to have a conversation. We can't, as a collective, live in the memory of these disgusting and vile acts. We have to begin to ask what happens next, where do we go, what do we do now.
I do want to mention that there were two essays that were excellent. The first was a consideration of the idea of consent for migrants. If someone is aware that they will need to engage in transactional sex to safely leave their country, what does that do to the idea of consent. There is also an essay at the end that details a sexual assault and only at the last line does it mention the person who assaulted, did not realize the victim was trans. There is a lot of interesting room for conversation in that and I sincerely appreciated the author's willing to bring that up. ...more
The introduction was a bit much. The book as a whole is not well planned. It lacks a style. It is not grammatically perfect. It is a bit of mess with The introduction was a bit much. The book as a whole is not well planned. It lacks a style. It is not grammatically perfect. It is a bit of mess with no central argument.
And yet. It is a book every single person should read. ...more
Should be 2.5 rating. Of the 215 pages, you can easily skip 185. The book is redundant, poorly written and is yet to be edited. With sentences like, "Should be 2.5 rating. Of the 215 pages, you can easily skip 185. The book is redundant, poorly written and is yet to be edited. With sentences like, "I once attending a course." What does that mean?
The book is problematic for a few reasons. The author makes it clear at the state she is writing this because she is angry at another woman. That anger fills every page. Simply things like sneezing are now a telltale sign of a lie. The problem is, the book assigns every action possible to be a reason for concern. If you have a high voice, it is a sign you are a liar. If your voice is low: liar. At some point, it becomes a rather useless book.
The last two chapters did finally get to some interesting thoughts but overall, it is clear the woman writing the book did so to make a quick buck and have some mild revenge at someone she disliked. There is absolutely no scientific evidence applied to any of her assumptions. She presents to studies that support her beliefs. In most cases she simply says, 'if it feels weird, the person is probably lying.' I get the impression the author thinks everyone is lying which, as the author herself would say, that probably means she's lying too. ...more
I kept having folks recommend I give this book a read.
I just don't see why.
I am saddened by this. This book could have been an amazing opportunity tI kept having folks recommend I give this book a read.
I just don't see why.
I am saddened by this. This book could have been an amazing opportunity to explore a spectrum of gender instead of the binary, traditional ideas we have. However, I think this book did a disservice to the topic.
It does raise a few interesting, if unintentional, notions. Even though the author has worked to distance their-self from gender mindsets, it is prevalent. How the author was raised is clear throughout every page. There is also a clear agenda that does not allow for much variation. Things are praised that I find quite limiting and self serving. The book fails to really address asexuality at all. I found it to be a bit surface level and superficial.
Instead of present a plethora of quality readings on gender from different cultures and event species, instead of highlighting new approaches to takes on gender, instead of bringing awareness to medical and scientific insights, instead of asking hard, deep questions, this book is instead a collection of cosmo quizzes that only stagnate conversations with limited responses available (which should be the anti-goal of this book right????) and long, poorly worded blog-like musings.
I found this book to be a severe let down and in some places a hinderance on understanding subtle gender complexities. ...more
One of the most disgusting and poorly written works I have come across. The author's bias colors every word written creating a cacophony of clutter. TOne of the most disgusting and poorly written works I have come across. The author's bias colors every word written creating a cacophony of clutter. The author lacks the grace and presences to write with clarity or a critical eye. In one instance, the author says she finds it hard to imagine someone would accept a ride from a person for whom there was no physical and sexual attraction and insinuates that to accept a ride is tantamount to consenting. This author is a joke who freely admits to having been turned down from any true higher institutions. The poor create goes out of her way to attempt to prove her worth by incorrectly using words and impaling sentences with clumsy punctuation. It is an embarrassment as a work of writing, a travesty as a work of a woman and a shameful waste of time. It would be one thing if the author came out with clear ideas that stemmed from research but she disappointed me with poorly cited work and a heavy bag of mixed emotions. She lacked anything that would generate respect and, frankly, makes it anyone who cares to disagree with her seem a genius. ...more
This textbook of a book is about medical consent. It presents some interesting history and interpretation of laws. The problem is the author will relaThis textbook of a book is about medical consent. It presents some interesting history and interpretation of laws. The problem is the author will relate a full case in one sentence and then spent five pages discussing the ramifications of that case. To be that invested in the outcome and obtain full understanding, I need to much more of the case....more
The book is composed of 11 sentences (roughly). Half of those are "No means no!"
To assist, let me walk you through some of the pages. The first stateThe book is composed of 11 sentences (roughly). Half of those are "No means no!"
To assist, let me walk you through some of the pages. The first states if the child does not want to kiss grandma, she may say no. Later in the book it says if the child doesn't want to play tickle fights, she may say no.
There is no reason to check this book out, buy this book, look at this book. There are eleven sentences. The pictures don't help in any way. I am confused as to why this book was published.
This is an important topic and this book is an insult to the conversation....more
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