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Escape from Palmar
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CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM FOR 54K WORD MS FOR SFF
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I have a SFF ms with the following pitch:
It has been several years since the dark lord ceased his attack against the one kingdom that protects intergalactic peace. Most citizens of the kingdom have forgotten about that night -- blocked the horrific event from memory -- and the not-so-young King Asmoph and Queen Jessa enjoy food and wine daily as if to forget the same.
An elderly prophet, Solaris, is the only one who believes the dark lord will return. A wise counselor who has outlived all of the living Dagmarthians and knows their ignorance. Solaris finds himself questioning his ability to see a future attack with old age as he has not had a vision since before the attack. When Solaris fills on wine during the annual Feast of Peace this year, he has a vision of an attack and manages to warn Jessa in his drunken state. When his warning is ignored, watchtowers alert the kingdom of invasion during the later hours of celebration. Solaris flees with Asmoph and Jessa among some other survivors in escape pods, but leave countless citizens behind.
Then, Asmoph and Jessa have their firstborn child named Kodus on their settlement in a faraway planet. Solaris sees pieces of a new vision that hints the dark lord’s defeat, but he is left to question a white light at the end of his vision. Asmoph and Jessa accept the vision without doubt and create an escape plan should the dark lord find them. The settlement is compromised when a strange storm brews and blue lights descend from the sky. Again, Solaris flees with Asmoph, Jessa, and Kodus among other frantic survivors to their escape pods underground. This time, Solaris realizes he must stay back to stall enemy soldiers drawing in on them. A completed escape leaves Asmoph and Jessa unsure how to continue on their own as other pods have spread far and wide. The only important rule now is that Kodus cannot leave home until he is ready to face the world outside and has the powers to defeat the dark lord.
Constructive criticism requested for the ms.
-Joseph