The Martian Quotes

“Each crewman had their own laptop. So I have six at my disposal. Rather, I had six. I now have five. I thought a laptop would be fine outside. It’s just electronics, right? It’ll keep warm enough to operate in the short term, and it doesn’t need air for anything. It died instantly. The screen went black before I was out of the airlock. Turns out the “L” in “LCD” stands for “Liquid.” I guess it either froze or boiled off. Maybe I’ll post a consumer review. “Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“[19:29] JOHANSSEN: When we pick you up, I will make wild, passionate love to you. Prepare your body.
[19:29] JOHANSSEN: I didn’t type that! That was Martinez! I stepped away from the console for like 10 seconds!”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“With no magnetic field, Mars has no defense against harsh solar radiation. If I were exposed to it, I’d get so much cancer, the cancer would have cancer.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“I started with a large rigid sample container (or “plastic box” to people who don’t work at NASA).”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“It was right where I left it, in a hole four kilometers away. Only an idiot would keep that thing near the Hab. So anyway, I brought it back to the Hab.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshipped.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT: SOL 119

You know what!? Fuck this! Fuck this airlock, fuck that Hab, and fuck this whole planet!
Seriously, this is it! I've had it! I've got a few minutes before I run out of air and I'll be damned if I spend them playing Mars's little game. I'm so god damned sick of it I could puke!
All I have to do is sit here. The air will leak out and I'll die.
I'll be done. No more getting my hopes up, no more self-delusion, and no more problem-solving. I've fucking had it!

AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT: SOL 119 (2)

Sigh...okay. I've had my tantrum and now I have to figure out how to stay alive.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“But seeing his status doesn’t help,” Mindy said. “It’s not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task.”
“How long have you worked for the government?” Venkat sighed.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Tomorrow night, I'll sink to an all new low! Lemme rephrase that... Tomorrow night, I'll be at rock bottom! No, that doesn't sound good either... Tomorrow night, I'll be in Giovanni Schiaparelli's favorite hole! Okay, I admit I'm just fucking around now.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Hell yeah I’m a botanist! Fear my botany powers!”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“I didn’t want to distract the people who were saving my life, so I muted my mic and screamed like a little girl. It’s true, you know. In space, no one can hear you scream like a little girl.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Earth is about to set. Resume 08:00 my time tomorrow morning. Tell family I’m fine. Give crew my best. Tell Commander Lewis disco sucks.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“The battery was a lithium thionyl chloride non-rechargeable. I figured that out from some subtle clues: the shape of the connection points, the thickness of the insulation, and the fact that it had “LiSOCl2 NON-RCHRG” written on it.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian: Stranded on Mars, one astronaut fights to survive

“Hey,” Watney said over the radio, “I've got an idea.”
“Of course you do,” Lewis said. “What do you got?”
“I could find something sharp in here and poke a hole in the glove of my EVA suit. I could use the escaping air as a thruster and fly my way to you. The source of thrust would be on my arm, so I'd be able to direct it pretty easily.”
“How does he come up with this shit?” Martinez interjected.
“Hmm,” Lewis said. “Could you get 42 meters per second that way?”
“No idea,” Watney said.
“I can't see you having any control if you did that,” Lewis said. “You'd be eyeballing the intercept and using a thrust vector you can barely control.”
“I admit it's fatally dangerous,” Watney said. “But consider this: I'd get to fly around like Iron Man.”
“We'll keep working on ideas,” Lewis said.
“Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“The planet’s famous red colour is from iron oxide coating everything. So it’s not just a desert. It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“I am smiling a great smile. The smile of a man who fucked with his car and didn’t break it.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Anything, Tim?” “Totally,” he replied. “But we’re staring at this black screen because it’s way more interesting than pictures from Mars.” “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“[09:09] MAV: You’re sending me into space in a convertible.
[09:24] HOUSTON: There will be Hab canvas covering the holes. It will provide enough aerodynamics in Mars’s atmosphere.
[09:38] MAV: So it’s a ragtop. Much better.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Blissful unconsciousness became foggy awareness which transitioned into painful reality.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“In other news, It’s seven sols till the harvest, and I still haven’t prepared. For starters, I need to make a hoe. Also, I need to make an outdoor shed for the potatoes. I can’t just pile them up outside. The next major storm would cause The Great Martian Potato Migration.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“could have finished faster, but I figured caution’s best when setting fire to rocket fuel in an enclosed space.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Things are finally going my way. In fact, they’re going great! I have a chance to live after all! LOG ENTRY: SOL 37 I am fucked, and I’m gonna die!”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“I used a sophisticated method to remove sections of plastic (hammer), then carefully removed the solid foam insulation (hammer again).”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Honestly, this is the best “bonus Mars time” we’ve had since the Opportunity lander. [09:02] WATNEY: Opportunity never went back to Earth. [09:17] JPL: Sorry. Bad analogy.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“I could cut off an arm and eat it, gaining me valuable calories and reducing my overall caloric need.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Do you believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked.
“Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Anyway, my ribs hurt like hell, my vision is still blurry from acceleration sickness, I’m really hungry, it’ll be another 211 days before I’m back on Earth, and, apparently, I smell like a skunk took a shit on some sweat socks. This is the happiest day of my life.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure. That was sarcasm, by the way.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“So, in the face of overwhelming odds, I'm left with only one option: I’m going to have to science the shit out of this.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian