When I hit 40, I realised there was a lot I had yet to learn about ageing and being an adult. As a health and wellness journalist, mother, wife, and voracious magazine reader, you can imagine my surprise when I understood that despite my life and career experience, I didn't know what I was doing?
At the same time, I was re-examining my attitudes about ageing. Mainstream media doesn't paint the rosiest picture of older women; sometimes, I was buying into that narrative. I had enough of it and wanted something different for myself and other women.
That's when I decided to write The Glow Code: A Cheat Sheet for Feeling, Looking, and Being Your Best at Any Age, a book with tailored advice to help women improve their health, happiness, and wellbeing. I spoke with nearly 40 experts, including psychologists, fitness and nutrition authorities, friendship specialists, makeup artists, scientists and more, to glean simple but effective tips. And to keep things entertaining – and give readers the odd laugh – I tried it all so I could report back on the results.
But beyond informing women, I wanted to write something to celebrate ageing because I am so over the idea that we become 'less than' as we age. Despite what others might have us believe, these middle years are special, and I love that we can grow and learn new things as we get older.
On that note, every tip, hack, and strategy in The Glow Code is a gem, but here are five pieces of advice that have improved my life.
The best advice for midlife
1. Lift heavy weights every week.
I used to focus on cardio, but the women's physiology experts I interviewed told me our top fitness priority should be lifting challenging weights because it's the best way to maintain muscle, support bone health, and stay mobile.
How heavy? The weights should be so challenging you can only perform six to eight reps per set – much less than the 12 to 15 we're used to. Following this advice has made me fitter than ever and saved me time. Turns out exercise doesn't have to be lengthy to be effective if you have the right strategy. Win-win!
RELATED: What midlife women want you to know about exercise
2. Incorporate "creative pulses" into your day.
Women our age have infinite demands on our time, so pursuing a hobby or creative outlet often feels frivolous, even impossible. But doing something fun that's unrelated to our to-do lists is essential to our humanity, said my experts.
To make it happen, they recommended "creative pulses", 10 to 15-minute intervals you set aside for something fun. For me, incorporating pulses has been doable and allowed me to rediscover knitting. Having a creative outlet that keeps my hands busy and my mind calm has been invaluable, and I'm having fun creating things I can wear, like the sweater below...
3. Cultivate your desire
As we all know, many factors stop women's libidos from revving at full throttle in midlife. That's why one expert said we should use the time in between encounters to read or listen to erotica, use a sex toy, daydream about sex – whatever helps prime you for your next sexual experience.
As she said: "Foreplay starts when your last sexual encounter ends," so we should use that time wisely. I've had fun experimenting with this advice and found simple things such as reading sexy books have made all the difference.
READ: What divorce taught me about keeping desire alive
4. Try brow lamination
When a beauty expert recommended brow lamination to whip my thin, unruly brows into shape, I was nervous. Would they look too bushy? Too dark? But I was also desperate. As a teenager in the '90s, I saw an electrolysis provider who zapped too many of my eyebrow hairs, removing them for good.
If you're in the same boat, know this: the day I overcame my hesitation and had my brows laminated was life-altering. I still go for appointments every few months to reap the reward – fluffy, structured brows that stay in place. Miracles do happen.
© Helen Tansey5. Stop talking negatively about your body
One of my biggest 'A-ha!' moments happened when speaking with a renowned eating disorder specialist who said that when women denigrate themselves or their food needs in front of others.
"We are contributing to an invisible but highly toxic pollutant that harms our friends, partners, and children," she said.
RELATED: Why do we blame ourselves when we can't lose weight?
Her words hit me hard. I've certainly voiced criticisms of myself, and, without realising, contributed to harmful diet culture. But since we've spoken, I've worked hard to stop saying anything negative about my body to others. That change alone has transformed how I think about my body and boosted my self-compassion.
A shift in thinking
While tips like these have created concrete results, I've also experienced a profound shift in my thinking.
Of the 37 experts I spoke with, 35 are women; all of them shared uplifting insights about ageing. Our conversations reminded me we need not fear getting older, rather we should be proud to age and evolve. And what that looks like will be unique to each of us.
As one interviewee said: "We're all different, so do things that boost your confidence level because those things will stop you from going down a rabbit hole… No one else can do it for you. But the effort is worth it. Ageing is all about how you feel on the inside."
I’m turning 45 later this year and feeling great about it. These days, I'm striving to age gratefully and embrace every stage of my life. Ageing is a wild ride, but knowing that we're all in it together is the best feeling of all.
Michelle McIvor is a freelance journalist and the author of The Glow Code
