"Huge Skulls Chat" (w/ Michelle Collins)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look maher, oh, I see you and look over there
is that culture. Yes, goodness wow, Lost Culture ding du
Lost CULTURESA is calling well another episode? Can we just
quickly mention?

Speaker 2 (00:18):
And I would love to know more about your time
on RuPaul's Drag Race. This semi final episode, which is
I guess what we're calling it now. We've never called
it that before except now this is.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
This is the BTST. So Joel Kim Booster had guest
judged like a week and a half before me, and
then literally I was recording my album in La and
they reach out and they're like, can that come literally
tomorrow to do something? And I was like, okay, maybe
they had a guest judge come out. They said, it's
not judging, it is something else, but it's a big
part of the episode. So I said to Joela, I

(00:51):
was like, how many girls were there when you were there?
He was like seven. So I was like, oh, that
feels like there might be very few girls there. So
I get there. I'm essentially doing the Tictac lunch.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
I was gonna say, which is such a huge supplanting
of such an iconic thing, But I think this is
my girl being so undeniably good and talented and charming.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
I didn't miss that. I didn't miss the Tictok lunch.
This is why it works as a thing that's not
the tech Tack lunch, because with Rue or Michelle there's
a guard up, whereas I got immediately that they were
talking to me like one of the girls. And so
I sat down and literally the press. It was so funny.
I get there and I go to my trailer and

(01:38):
there's probably about ninety minutes to go before we tape,
and they go, okay, here are their books and here's
an info sheet about all of them. And I was like,
what their books? What did you read? Because you seemed
pretty up to speed, But how much did they write?
And how much did you read? So they each wrote
like two essays each the materials that they gave me.
What I was surmising was that they had to write,

(02:00):
I guess, contrasting essays that said something about them. What
it seemed like was write one funny one and one
more vulnerable one. Great. It was all like that, except
for playing Jane's who kind of were both more Sardona
Karma comedy forward. Yeah, and so it was a lot
though I was excited and it felt felt like I
had homework, but in a fun way. So get to

(02:22):
the runway. Do the four interviews. I will say what
you saw on TV was pretty much the way it
felt in the rooms. Great. Outside of the fact that
I'm surprised that Plaine Jane got such negative critiques and
if I had something to say about all four of them,
it was just like, Sofia's stark quality is like through
the roof, like she has so much like gravitas, and

(02:44):
she so clearly knows herself and I was so impressed
with her Nymphia. I walked away and the producers were
literally like, she's never even used that tone of voice before.
This was wouge, Like she never opens up. She's goofy.
As we can see on the show. That's kind of
been Trueane felt like one of the girls, one of
our friends, Like yeah, it was just kind of like

(03:04):
very normal. And then Q was great. But the fact
that there's the top three that there is, I'm not surprised. Oh,
it had nothing really to do with Q. It just
had to do with the three of them feeling like
the three And I was really happy with how it went,
and I'm so happy that it was positive and everyone
looked really great coming out of it, and it was
so fun and you were.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Just so good at facilitating that. Yeah, it seems like
maybe in the edit they had you set a trap
for Jane when you move for Plane when you didn't.
Really that wasn't the plan.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
I would like to clear this up. That is not
a There was no traps being set for Plane. I
was having a lot of fun with Plane, and we
actually had probably the most casual conversation out of the
four of us because we had a lot of back
and forth. Planes essay was called being a bitch can
be an act of kindness, So I asked a pretty
simple question off that, which is, how have you been

(03:56):
a bitch as an act of kindness? And the competition
it's not a trap if it was the name of
her essay, you know what I mean? Like total and
I think that I had tons of positive things to
say about my time with Plane. But the clip they
showed was if an interviewer asked you to be shady,
you don't have to be shady, which is true. It's
something that everyone's had to learn, like anyone that does

(04:17):
any interviewing or you know, any like, you know, pop
culture discussion or talk about other people on a platform.
There's always going to be the opportunity to say something uncouth.
You just can't take the opportunity all the time, which
maybe is useful for plane to learn, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
Sure, she's on a journey of self discovery, as we
can tell, and you wish her the best.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
We wish all top three queens the best as they
headed to the grand finale. But oh, we also wanted
to say or I didn't tell you about this bow,
but I feel like we should announce this so readers,
Katie's publicist final lesson will remember that we have upcoming
our big four hundredth EPISO. It's where we will have

(05:01):
the iconic four hundred, the iconic four hundred people of culture.
It will be one of our biggest episodes yet, maybe
the biggest episode yet. Here's the thing. We are well
past our four hundredth episode. We forgot we we missed it.
We I think on episode like four hundred and seven
or four hundred and eight, four hundred and nine, we
missed it. We did not do it, but we will.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
We missed it, but we will and we will get
to twenty thirteen. We've just had a lot of culture
and a lot of business to take care of. Please
listen when we say that we are designating the iconic
four hundred episodes plural because it will be multiple episodes here,
that that will be the time to celebrate four hundred
episodes of Lost Culture.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yes, it's coming. The nominations for the Cultural Awards are coming.
It's a big time in Lost Culture lore. It really
in Lost Culture. I mean Lost Culture was on drag Race,
Like they said, the words lost culture reached us on
drag Race. Hello, Hello, I was gagged. We've sold out
our show, you know what I mean, Like the Cultural
Awards are sold out. Thank you all so much for

(06:04):
being so excited.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
Thank you for being excited. We are looking into a
live stream option. We really want to make sure everyone
can watch this. We're so sorry if that process was
stressful for anyone, but we're so excited to see you
all there in any capacity, virtually, spatially.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
It'll be great.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
Speaking of a big time in Lost Culture, speaking of
Law School Store in general, there are some things our
guest is deeply woven into that tapestry.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
This is a figure in Lost Coach in the larger picture,
that is lost Coach, Like you know what I mean, Like,
I think when the aliens in decades to come find
the artifact that is last Coach, They're going to be like,
this was a podcast hosted by Michelle Collins.

Speaker 3 (06:49):
And if they find a huge skull, if they open
the trunk and it's my skull, I'm gonna be so mad.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
It's just people call, They're like, it's men. What are
they're gonna miss? Stop it out. So basically what it
happened was we went to Amsterdam and literally one of
the only reasons why we even did a show at
Amsterdam was because our guest today lives there, and we thought,

(07:17):
what a fun opportunity to do a great live show
with our guests and get it on tape and bring
it back to the States. That didn't know.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
That did not happen because I'm just gonna say the
venue lost the audio.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
And then just didn't believe us and thought there was
a conspiracy. Now, Michelle, we can show you the emails.
We were like, what are you talking about? And this
is like a.

Speaker 2 (07:37):
Pretty this is a great, storied venue, and they somehow
didn't get their stuff together. To like record like live audio,
which no problem. It's it's hard.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Things happened. Things happen.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
We're not We're a little bit peeved because it was
a great episode.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
It was the funniest I've ever been. But it's completely fine.
You know, I'll never reach heights again, but it's fine,
it's okay.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
Afterwards, I was like, Michelle thinks that we thought she
was funnier than us, so we tossed the episode not
at all. And I was like, I was like, maybe
she thinks because you didn't. I don't think so, Honey.
That was controversial to say the least. And then I thought,
I think she thinks we quote unquote lost the audio
because we didn't want that on there. But no, we're
setting you free. We want you to do whatever you

(08:23):
want to do. Let me tell you.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
Since the Honeymooners, I don't think an episode has been
lost of anything.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
Okay, the last lost.

Speaker 3 (08:30):
Episode was the fucking Honeymooners and now lost Cultureie says,
and I had my worst Asos dress on.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
We were doing with Suity. I was feeling cute.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
Actually, just the other day I was walking with friends
of mine and you know, most of my listeners because
I have a show, the Michelle Collins Show, I'll plug away.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
It's like, this is Michelle, Welcome to the pod, Miss Michelle.
Fine lose that too, Who cares? Cut that up? Cut
the name bleep, my name's going March.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
I was walking through like town with my friends and
the two like coolest Dutch people I have ever laid
eyes on. They were so dressed, so cool, they were young,
like gen zers, and they went Dutch. They went Michelle
and my friends thought they knew like that we were friends.
I would never have such cool friends. No offense to them,
but I was like yes, and they go, oh, we're fans.

(09:24):
Could not have said it in a bigger throwaway way,
but like I loved it. They're like, yeah, we're fans.
We saw you at Lost Culturisas and I thought, oh,
two people who witnessed the famed Lost Lost Lost Culturisas right.
So anyway, but I had the best time with you.
Thank you for asking me it. Listen, it was so
much fun. Who cares?

Speaker 1 (09:41):
We had a blast.

Speaker 2 (09:42):
We had a blast, and then we had we had
a lovely boat ride.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
The next day was so fun. Remember the boat.

Speaker 3 (09:49):
Remember our sea captain who looked like they scraped him
off of the side of one of the wooden posts.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Like he was so he was so.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
Wait, why do I remember him being hot though it
was very weathered, remember yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
No, I'm saying he was like a.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
When a dutch Man like is rugged, it's it's a
it's a it's a complex flavor profile, do you know
what I mean.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
I sometimes you personally don't.

Speaker 2 (10:15):
Expect these Dutch guys to be sort of dressed down,
not really giving a fuck.

Speaker 1 (10:20):
I don't know he was. He was.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
He was cool, but like he was Dutch hot in
a way that I am not accustomed to.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
That's my thing.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
This is a problem having lived here a year, is
that when I first moved here, my eyes were shining
with how hot the people here were.

Speaker 1 (10:35):
It was a setting it, you know, coming from New
York where.

Speaker 3 (10:38):
You feel physically sick looking at people after what fifteen
twenty minutes, do you want to throw up? I got
here and I was like, I thought, oh my god,
these are the best looking slim fit they and they
all dressed down. That's the thing that there's no there
are no gown shops in town. If actually IM going
to send you the Instagram account of this woman who
sells like high end clothes, who genuinely look like tan mom,

(11:00):
and she's the most arrogant woman in the Netherlands. Like,
I can't even tell you, but after being here a year,
my my eyes are basically how do I put it,
It's like you know the Eddie Murphy joker. When you
eat rits every day, you grow accustomed to it. Like
I'm so used to how hot the people here are, right,
I'm like immune to it in a way. And then
now I'm also starting to see the ugliness as well,

(11:21):
because I've been here so long that you know, I
always liking people to kind of like animals. So there
are like a lot of frog faces here, a lot
of like wide set pug eyes. Anyway, they love me.
I'm a huge hit And I can't wait for the
government to hear this when might be syn is that anyway?

Speaker 1 (11:37):
The Yeah, the government of Amsterdam is the one government government.
It's coming for us all.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
The only reason why I did my I don't think
so honey about this very lovable personality is because I've
never heard anyone rightfully so say a bad word about her,
and she is and of course I adore her too,
the most talented person on earth, So it felt fun
and really dangerous after someone from the audience I'm not
going to say who everyone knows. Someone from the audience
screamed her name out and Matt refused to do it,

(12:09):
and then I scrapped my plan and I thought, I'm
going to do it because that's just funny. In the meantime,
since that she's looks incredible, her show is like number one.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
I mean, it's just I think it's because of me.
I think that I so basically, Michelle, do you want
to say what you're I don't think so, Honey was about.

Speaker 3 (12:25):
Yeah, I do, and I hope she hearses because I'm
a fan. I wanted to know, and I'm happy that
we lost the episode. It was about Kelly Clarkson a
moment like this is Kelly Clarkson.

Speaker 2 (12:35):
You know.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
My whole thing, which I'll stay here and I'll say
to her face is you're already the most talented singer.
Why are you stealing food out of my mouth in
the daytime talk show circuit. You know, there's only like
seven shares open that I'll stick to. That's the same
with Jennifer Hudson, all these.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
Singers that.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
Like, what what do you make of Shehry because Sherry
was technically sort of in that you know, Milieu for
a little bit and then kind of re returned.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
Well, I don't have any opinions about any form of
you co hosts personally, so I don't.

Speaker 1 (13:11):
A second Michelle.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
I marvel at the fact that you are so and
can I just say, like classy and and you you
have been so respectful about commenting on the view from from.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
Where I see it, From where I see it, it.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
Seems like you have such restraint and I feel like,
and I please don't take this the wrong way. What
we love about you is that you are You can
just talk and talk and talk. You have the gift
of gab. You are unfiltered. So I find it so
interesting and complex and beautiful that you have have. Really
I'm not asking, I'm not teasing anything out of you.

(13:52):
Something that's that's amazing.

Speaker 3 (13:53):
Oh, I've got tickets to a tour to sell. It's
called the Big Natural Tour. Buy tickets. I may bring
the view up on stage and I'll say this about it,
and maybe this is like a good teaser to get
people to buy tickets. By the way I sing in
the show, I love it. I really hope you guys
can come if you have the chance. But I'll say this,

(14:13):
I have bitten my tongue about a lot of the
things that went on there. I think partially due to
light PTSD and then just also being raised in a
family home where we took the high road that was
just not you know, I find it ugly and frankly,
you know, it took me a long time to kind
of come to terms with the fact that it was
and still is the biggest thing I've really ever done

(14:35):
and allowed me the opportunity to gain fans. I had
the serious show. You know, all these things happened because
of that. So I can't spit you know where I
get came from. But I'll add that it does frustrate
me a hair that I have behaved so well, and
then this show has absolutely never invited me back. They've
never have a podcast, they've never asked me back. And Matt,

(14:56):
I know you were so sweet about me on that show,
and that meant the world to me.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
By the way, I always go out of my way
to say you're one of the You're one of the
like lost great hosts of that shows. Another last thing. No,
I've just been like you that you were this great
host on it, and it feels like what you said,
like they don't really it feels like that era kind
of gets lost, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (15:17):
Like it and Candice, I mean, I love them, but
you know what firstdates to me is like, Okay, I'm
telling the game and uh and Kelly Oh who was
on it was? Oh, no, Paula. I don't even remember.
There were like seventeen people. But it bothers me that
I played the game right. And then I'm not rewarded
a little bit.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
You know, they act me. I'll tell this much.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
They for the twenty fifth anniversary season, they did reach
out to me. It was the first time I had
heard from them. You're getting a little gossip. See it's fun.
I got to sell tell you people, I'm telling you
Michelle Collins Live Tour, Big Natural Tour singular because.

Speaker 1 (15:52):
It's Big Natural, so one big.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
One twenty fifth anniversary they reached out to me. I
was very open to it. You know, the negative feelings
or what have you, which one day I'll write about
in a book. After they have me on I had buried,
so I thought, okay, they said, hey, can you do
an intro. We're going to do all the hosts in
the twenty fifth anniversary intro. So this is, by the way,
one of the worst stories ever because they sound horrible.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
But I was in Paris.

Speaker 3 (16:16):
The lights go out, it's lost again, and and my
friend I said, this is so fabulous. We're the Eiffel Tower.
I know, it's like a wonder they lost it again.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
That's how show carry schedule.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
I'm in an ermine coat, I have a crown on.
I'm like, I don't know why they won't have me back. No,
but anyway, there was an Eiffel Tower behind me on
Eiffel Tower, the Eiffel Tower, and there from one of them,
you've been.

Speaker 1 (16:47):
You've been, you know it is.

Speaker 3 (16:50):
Don't tell anyone, So someone this is a dobulous And
so we shot for like an hour of me going
walk into the you know whatever the thing was that
they wanted me to say, and I really want to
look good in it.

Speaker 1 (17:00):
Et cetera. Send it in.

Speaker 3 (17:02):
And you know, I don't watch the show, to be fair,
I didn't watch it before I was on it. I
always say I watched it when I was literally on it,
like on watch. So anyway, then the show, the premiere
comes out and I swear they put me in. I'm
trying to think, what's the tiniest three by three pixel
square on an HDTV You couldn't see. It looked like
I was in front of an intense skin city. Yeah, oh,

(17:29):
finally that's the one name tiny skull.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
And I was like, okay, you know whatever.

Speaker 3 (17:35):
It wasn't bitter about it, because what are they going
to do feature me? I was on the show for
like six months, you know, so fine, But then that
whole season I thought, you know what, it's shitty, and
I'll just say it is.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
It isn't nice.

Speaker 3 (17:44):
It's like, listen, I exist, you know, and I've played
the game. But now I guess I don't have to anymore.
So that's exciting.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
Thanks for now. Now it's now it's it's off to
the races. Now that you're getting dangerous. Now they're gonna
want you back because the show lacks danger. Now. I
will say that since since the show Shoh has become
we're five moderate women that like, you know what I mean,
it's just kind of like it lacks a little bit
of the energy. You know, who tries to start mess

(18:11):
is sunny, but because she's the only one trying to
start mess like and also it's kind of just funny
when she does, because she has like this, like you
can see her rev up and deliver, and it's just like,
you don't believe this, you know what I mean? Like
she's like, well, I think a woman should be able
to kill her husband if she cheats, and we're like, no,
you don't, Oh my god. And then all of a sudden,

(18:35):
like alyssa fair Griffin on the show, like suddenly turned
the corner and is like life likable queen and you're like, wait,
what hold on one second. All they were all so
sweet when I went there. But there is an element of,
let's call it that quality that the view has where
it can get dangerous when you're watching it, which is missing,
which I can't tell if I miss or whatever. But

(18:56):
like you said, you don't watch it.

Speaker 3 (18:58):
I really don't. I watch Press right every damn day.
My brother gave me his Direct TV another host I'm
not crazy about, Drew Carey, but well we'll take it.
I love my games. I love my games. I can't
help it. No, I don't watch it, but you know what, Listen,
if they I reached out to my friend who works there,
being like, hey, I'm in town next week to do
some promotion, you know, and I would happily go back,
you know what I mean, I have for me.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
It's been such a long time.

Speaker 3 (19:21):
But I think that they really do want to forget
about Candace Raven and I.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
And you know, they never talked about Rosie Perez.

Speaker 3 (19:27):
She was on the season before me and we crossed
over a little bit, but yeah, they never remember. There
are just a couple people that it's like, you know,
we were on we were on them. You had a
confetti canon go off when I got higher.

Speaker 1 (19:40):
You know, do.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
You think it's like that time politically it was so
like it feels so foreign, like Trump just starting out,
or like like like the beginning of all that feels
so far away that there's like the distances is the
focal point is so like fucked up all over the place.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
Maybe that's it. I don't think it's on you guys.

Speaker 3 (20:02):
Oh no, listen, I personally think that there were so
many things going on behind the scenes with the producers
that we were just sort of what's the.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
Word in war? You know, there's a word for when
people just die casual friendly fire.

Speaker 3 (20:18):
Friendly fire, unfriendly fire. Yeah, we were just the collateral.
Maybe is the word I'm looking But they didn't care.
It was like, okay, next we got to bring other
people in, so it's fine. You know, listen, I'm grateful
I rented. You know, when I moved back from my
later New York to do the show, I was so
sure that this was like my longtime big break that
I rented the nicest apartment. My joke is that I
came back in the coming to America limos, Like I

(20:40):
was just like, oh so rich. Now I'm on ABC
and I rented a two bedroom, huge apartment in a
Columbus circle, Like, who do I think I am?

Speaker 1 (20:49):
A two year least? You thought you were a corporate
media girly.

Speaker 3 (20:53):
CMG And now I wear I'm a threadbare dresses with
hot pink bras on. Okay, this is what happens anyway.
That's a lesson to you kids out there. When you
get hired for daytime TV, get a studio. What were
you gonna say Apart get a studio.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
It's the big natural tour. Please go to thank you.
Thank you for sharing that.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
You said something before we started recording that you had
one had a day and two were just.

Speaker 1 (21:24):
In Germany and that you're not the same.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
So tell us what happened, tell us what happened today,
and tell us what happened in Germany today.

Speaker 3 (21:31):
I just worked all day and that alone was traumatizing
for me because that never happens.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
Like where I'm working.

Speaker 3 (21:35):
From like eight am until four pm. I don't remember
the last time that's happened. So I really worked hard.
I went to Frankfurt last week. Thanks Bobo. You were
so great in the show. By the way, the two
of you were just can I say how proud I
am of the two of you? Is that I really mean,
it's your mom, but I just am like, look at
my boys thrive and it's the best feeling in the world.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
I really you know, you're our family, And honestly, I
will say it. It truly was like there was only
so many ways to communicate. The episode was truly lost,
and the fact that you in even one second thought
that we would like ever not use even a second
of time we had with you was like I just
wanted you to know, like that that was legitimately what happened,

(22:17):
and it was very embarrassing and like so anyway.

Speaker 3 (22:21):
Listen, I don't even remember that night was so funny.
It felt like a fever. It was vacation with you
and we loved it. By the way, I'm going to
Greece in June. Please come because right now it's just me,
which if you know me, kaos.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
It's not the vibe. It might be.

Speaker 3 (22:37):
You might be the queen. It could happen. Actually, well,
I went last week. I don't know if you know
the podcaster Laura Shane Halls. She does the Sexy Unique podcast,
very very funny. Yes, yes, of course she's great. So
she and her family friend were in Germany and I thought, oh,
because I live in Amsterdam, let me go to Germany.
I figured, what's the worst that can happen? I just

(22:58):
watched Zone Adventest. By the way, anyway, I got on
a train to listen. It was supposed to be did
you watch it?

Speaker 1 (23:03):
Have you seen it? I can't. I did. I did
it hard, very hard.

Speaker 3 (23:10):
Everyone said, everyone who told me to see you in
a theater are my enemies. And by the way, this
is no because if I had sat in a theater
with those sound effects going off. I know one way
ticket to the looney bin for me. I don't need
to know how.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
Because they usually give around trip.

Speaker 3 (23:29):
Was all this material and more in the Lost episode
again my funniest show.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
So listen tearing it up like it's not that good.

Speaker 3 (23:41):
I got a one way ticket to Frankfurt four hours.
It actually relates to the zone of interest. Hear me out,
four hours Amsterdam to I'm telling you, I can make
that joke. Amsterdam to Frankfort. Get on the train at
eight am, looking good.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
I woke up.

Speaker 3 (23:56):
I like to wake up early and pack in the
morning to my makeup. I'm always in first class on
the train because it's like an extra ten dollars.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
But then you can like kick dirt in people's faces.
I'm kidding you.

Speaker 3 (24:06):
Know, you can speed past people like I love doing that.
So anyway, already there was an issue with the train.
We need to take a connecting. Okay, no problem, get
on a you trek. We're on the train for about
an hour. I'm doing work for the show, believe it
or not, and we come to a hall to grinding halt.
We're stop for about an hour to two hours and
in German they keep coming over the loudspeaker, which again

(24:27):
not a safe feeling for me, and they're like, a hello,
we have some power lines on the track. We are
going to rights and a safety issue. We can all
do anything about it. We have buses going to take
you to Dusseldorf. I was supposed to be in Frankfurt
bying in distry. I'm going to fast forward. I know
I'm sitting on the floor of a bus. I have
pictures with the road next to me. Hold on, now

(24:49):
they take us to Duseldorf to get a train.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
Get on that train.

Speaker 3 (24:52):
I actually meet some very lovely Dutch people where like
all kidets sing about the stress of it all right,
and train to a stop again and I'm looking at
my phone on the app and I'm like, this is weird.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
It says it's not stopping in Cologne.

Speaker 3 (25:05):
Do you want to know why the one day that
I decide, I swear in my life to go to Germany?
Do you know what they found on right near the
train station? A World War two aerial bomb that hadn't
been detonated. Please listen to me. They found a they unearthed.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
They're like Michelle's here, perfect.

Speaker 3 (25:29):
Unearthed, old big skull obs.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
Perfect a torpedo or some shit.

Speaker 3 (25:36):
And they couldn't have the trains go by because they're
afraid that the vibration of the train is going to
sell this bomb.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
So it wasn't a power line issue.

Speaker 3 (25:43):
It was it was two things, first the power line,
then the bomb.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
End of story. I ended up with my big ass bag.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
You know, I always take a lot of shit with
me in a place called Kobelin's which I was rotting
in this piss stinking train station for two hours. And
then right as I'm getting on the train, I see
a guy with the most beautiful t came out bag
and I missed it. I didn't get to go. This
is not a good story anyway. It took me eleven
hours to get into town. I'm just saying, next time,
go to Germany. They're still finding bombs on the ground.
Christ isn't that wild? It's not funny, but interesting, I

(26:20):
promise bomb yeah sone of interest. That's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
I know. We went to Berlin right after Amsterdam. We
saw you did We go from Amsterdam to Berlin? Was
Berlin our last stop? Bo We did Berlin and it
doesn't matter anyway. It's very somber, like when the first
time you go there, it is it's it's there's like
this very intense feeling. You have to like get over
the wall like that. There's like an energy. It's just

(26:48):
once you get over it, you're fine and then it's
a fun, lovely, great city. We had an amazing time.
We went and smoked weed on the floor with peaches
at a bar. It was incredible. It's like it but
like there's a heaviness at firsts So you're right, there
is a feeling when you get into a town like that,
and it is depressing.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
The worst place where I feel, And it's actually for
the opposite reason.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
Have you ever been to Vienna, Austria? No, it's too
pretty exactly.

Speaker 3 (27:14):
Vienna has the opposite thing where it's so pristine and
so beautiful. There was not an overlook or a balcony
in that town where I couldn't see you know who
giving a major speech every balcony. I'm going, well, it
was like my mind was like aieing him into every
little nook and cranny and Vienna. So I might just
need help, but yeah, it's listen, I love Germany. I

(27:35):
actually like Germany and Munich. I love if you've ever been,
It's a beautiful place.

Speaker 2 (27:38):
You know.

Speaker 3 (27:40):
Well again, funniest episode, so the year you have to
bring this stuff up in the in the middle are
your part, But you're so nice to have me back.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
I really appreciate it. People still talk about someone spilled sauce.
I was just gonna say, that's one of our most famous,
most notable episodes of all time when Michelle told the
story about getting into an elevator and uh spilling I
guess ponzu sauce all over the floor and Leah Michelle
at yep, Michelle told her someone spilled sauce.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
It was me, but she gave me such a dirty
look that I didn't know what Her boyfriend was very
friendly and then she looked at me so dirty. But
you have to understand that that elevator. Just want to
make it known because anyone who's been to La needs
to know that it's where the crazy rock and sushi
is that the house sauce. It's ponzu really mixed with
some sesame oil if we're going to go there. But uh,
there's a target a Bevemo that was same elevator. And

(28:40):
I think I told this on your show as well.
Was where one time I was by myself going to
Target and a guy who had white out cont.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
Came up to Scar.

Speaker 3 (28:50):
He said, oh, he's gonna cry my face. So I
had that very haunkedd elevator for me. It's one of
the reasons I left LA. I'm not even joking, like right, unfortunately,
the state of the world is shit. Yeah, so it's
just a reflection of kind of what's happening all over.
It's happening in Miami. I mean, it's happening everywhere. A
cost of living being insane. I just I mean, bone

(29:12):
you exc what about the girls getting punched, Well, you
know they think that that was like a Reddit conspiracy
with those punches.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
Yeah, they did, because they never found the guy.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
Right, Well, they think it was more than one guy
and that it was like a Reddit thread where they
said go in this area and punch these ladies. But somehow,
amazingly Bethany got herself involved, which is a really good gift.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
I mean, yeah, to figure out so how did that happen?

Speaker 2 (29:34):
Because I heard about Bethany getting in the mix, but
I didn't bother finding out how I mean.

Speaker 3 (29:40):
She just was like, I got punched, you know, oh,
she said, but it was months ago, and I'm thinking
that tracks she probably did, But I don't think it's
related to this.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Right right right, I just keep my head down. I
don't know if that's I don't know if that's like,
I don't know what that means. But I just kind
of like, go to the train, take it to work.
I thankfully the train pulls right into my office, like
I don't have to step back outside and go inside
another building. So I feel like I have a pretty

(30:13):
myopic view and scope of the city. But I'm I'm
having an okay time here. The weather's getting nice.

Speaker 3 (30:20):
Do you go to the restaurants below Rockefeller Center or no?

Speaker 1 (30:24):
They're nice?

Speaker 3 (30:25):
They're nice, baby, come on, hold on, can we I'm
about to I don't think so, Honey, Del Friscos? Which
one the grill to Del Friscos? Which one the one
that's by Rock Center or the one that's by Serious.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
There's there's the delf Friscoes.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
Oh, the one by Serious, But no, there's the one
by Serious, which is I never go, you never go.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
No.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
People from the office get delivery from Delfrisco's at Rock
Center all the time.

Speaker 1 (30:49):
There's there's a place called Jupiter that's great. We got
I can tell Matt's. They have these like like cheeseburger
egg rolls. Oh my god, no tell you so, I
when I were serious.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
I used to go there. I used to go there.
There's a bartender who works there. You probably know him.
He kind of has like eskeletor energy. He's like a bald,
big irishman, like a skeleton and.

Speaker 1 (31:19):
This episode he's outbound.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
He's very squid word no because he's bald, but he
was like the dnse on the side, you know, he's
like a slimmer guy, y Irish. I've never I don't
know if anyone on this planet hates me more than
this man. I've never had someone be so mean to
me when I show up, Like the water always smells
like dog. But the only reason why I used to
go there is because they had a seared tuna sashimi

(31:45):
salad that I loved and it was like thirty seven dollars.
It was three chunks of sashims. Some you know wantan strips,
you know, like real dumb bitsch food, like dumb dumpish
and I loved it, and I went there last time
with my friend Lucas and we sat at the bar,
which I love to sit at the.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
Bar anywhere I go. I love a bar.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
I don't want to be in the mix. I love
to look at everyone.

Speaker 1 (32:06):
Yeah, cool girl vibes, the ultimate cool girl vibes. I'm
at the bar, you can talk to me. I'm watching
I'm watching people. Yeah, it's the best.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
And also as a tall person, I can like stretch
my legs out, you know, it just gives me room
to breathe. Yes, anyway, guess what, no sashimi tuna salad
on the menu any longer? And I called uh Tristan,
I don't know his name, over and I said, I said,
trist what's with the what's with the lack of this?

Speaker 2 (32:38):
Said?

Speaker 1 (32:38):
It not on the menu. My number one item isn't
on the menu.

Speaker 3 (32:42):
And he said they were bought by another restaurant group
ever since they sold usta fill in the blank, I
don't know who it was. He's like, so they've made
some decisions and they took the saturd off the menu
and we left and we went on. We laughed, Oh,
I'm not eating fucking cheeseburger eggirls no offense, so we laugh.
I can barely squeeze into my ribbed dress as it is.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
And we went to Oceania. What is that place? That's
another Jesus Ocean Prime.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
No, No, it's the serious building. Yeah, and we went
there and I had like a ninety seven dollars like scrimp.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
I don't even know the hole town is upside down.
I had to leave right this was the last time
you were in New York? Or no, this is this was?
This is a while ago. This was a month and
a half ago, A month and a half ago. Yeah,
and so a year like, oh, this's this city is
in the toilet.

Speaker 3 (33:31):
That's when I decided to leave. When I saw that
the tuna salad was off the menu. This isn't my
city anymore.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
I don't recognize this place.

Speaker 3 (33:40):
I just want to make a clear to everyone as well,
now that we're airing our like doing a like Ombudsman segment.
I left New York not because of the crime, but
because I had a bathroom that wouldn't not be brown.
The grouse, the tiling, this is this was my breaking
point moment I too, one was I got stuck in
the LA at the Clark Street stop on the two

(34:02):
three training in.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
That huge one of the great stops. No, that's a
terrible stop great stops. There's no stairway to get up.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
And I got in that elevator and I swear to god,
it was like the casting team from the bus from
Speed had.

Speaker 1 (34:16):
Put everyone on that elevator.

Speaker 3 (34:18):
It was like unorthodox tow like a guy with a
whale spear like.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
I was like, what the bus from that was?

Speaker 3 (34:28):
Like everyone motherfucker was on it. I looked around me like, okay,
this town still has it. And then it got stuck
and we were stuck on that elevator and I had
an anxiety attack seriously, where I was like, of course
I had never had clost your phobia in my life, and.

Speaker 1 (34:43):
You're in an elevator and you're underground, like that's.

Speaker 3 (34:45):
Underground hel with genuinely with Central casting, and I thought, Okay,
the city's not for me. And then I was away
for a bit and a very nice modern bathroom came
back to my uptown apartment and I had a very
lovely apartment. I had a great deal on it, even
though I think there was mold in the ceiling and
I was seeing stars every morning when.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
I woke up.

Speaker 3 (35:04):
Great feel it was. There was definitely like mold. There
was one hundred percent mold in the ceiling in this apartment.
I don't want to shout at the address, but anyway,
in my bathroom first, so I had that coffin shaped tub,
which I hate, you know they have.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Why did they do that?

Speaker 3 (35:19):
Why did they shave some tubs like coffins the shape
of fantasy?

Speaker 1 (35:26):
That's funny?

Speaker 3 (35:27):
And then the tile was so old Tyler Minogue and
I looked and I thought I saw the grout and
it was.

Speaker 1 (35:34):
It didn't matter.

Speaker 3 (35:34):
I could get on my hands and knees scrubbing it
with a you know, toothbrush and toothpaste and it was
not gonna not be brown. And the brown grout how now,
brown grouse brown got me out of that.

Speaker 2 (35:47):
Okay, So that's where you're at with New York. What
about Miami? What about Florida and general as having gone
up there?

Speaker 3 (35:53):
Funny bring it up, because I told if I do
end up moving back to the US, no listen, I
say this about it, it.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
Would be Miami. So many do Miami?

Speaker 3 (36:01):
I know, Yeah, I wouldn't move back to New York
for the right job. You know, obviously Network TV in
a second, but Miami's fine, listen, great shopping for if
a single person is debating moving there, if you're a
straight woman, you have to really be comfortable with the
idea of dating Pitbull if that is coming that you're
a pay and he's the best smelling celebrity I've ever met,

(36:22):
for the record, no one.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
Believe it. And lovely sweetest pie.

Speaker 3 (36:28):
But the the styling of pit Bull, that whole, that
kind of a vibe that has to.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Be with that. The Miami aesthetic. Yeah, a flow literally,
a flow rider man. Yep, Florida man is actually that's
actually a big distinction because you can have Florida man
walking around really any part of the country. But a

(36:53):
flow right a man is Florida specific. Yes, specific?

Speaker 3 (36:57):
Yeah, I probably would do you guys ever go down there.
We should do a little. We went down there for
New Years.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
Two years ago and it was it was fun. It
was we were just like all over the place, and
so I need to go back there. And we were
like in an Airbnb and I think I think Miami
is a place where you gotta be in a nice,
swinky hotel.

Speaker 1 (37:20):
I think I've been to Miami for the last time. Really, yeah, stop,
why no, I don't enjoy Here's the thing. It lives
in a thing for me where it's like it feels
like you can go and you want to be relaxing
but also be like turned on if you want to.
Like in terms of the night life, it's just a

(37:40):
little too much of both. It's a little too It's
just the energy is too high for me.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
Even if you're relaxing quote unquote, you still have to
dial into it in such a crazy way.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
I don't know. It's just there comes a point at
night where things turn in Miami and it just goes.
I think I've not outgrown it, but like it's it's
just not the way I would choose to vacation. And
if I'm ever going to Miami, it would be that.
So I don't know.

Speaker 3 (38:05):
I just something to say good, much like we are
stereotyping Los Angeles and you have seen and I, by
the way, I left Miami when I just turned seventeen
because I hated it. So understand like I'm not some yeah,
God knows what Miami person, but I know that the
Miami that you've seen is a very specific part. You've
been to South Beach, I'm assuming downtown maybe Design district

(38:26):
there is. You know, you're not wrong. It's a very
flashy town. Money is king. Everybody wants to have the
most money and looks a little expensive.

Speaker 1 (38:34):
It is a lot, no question about it.

Speaker 3 (38:37):
But within the town you can still find pockets of
like good restaurants now, especially like a lot of New
Yorkers are down there, are like Northeast people. I think
it's gotten a little bit better, but that is a
very touristic thing. If it did you drive when you
were there, or you were just taking ubers everywhere.

Speaker 1 (38:52):
We were taking ubers, I think I think it would
have been a totally different vibe had we been there
for longer than it was, and it wasn't New Year's
any weren't thing out? Your friend Jared, who's like your
biggest fan, is also from Miami.

Speaker 3 (39:04):
Oh no kidding. We'll hook us up because I always
need more friends down there. But every time I come
on your show, I beg for friends.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
What is that? That happened?

Speaker 3 (39:11):
Also at the Amsterdam show? Let's unpack that? Forget my name?
I'm always like I need friends. Fabulous, Let's talk. Let's
do you though, Yeah, you have cool friends.

Speaker 2 (39:20):
When we are speaking of Tony's we sat with some swinky,
swanky friends here, I am saying swinky again, what am I?
But then we had we had a great time with
your friends. Also, those gen z Rs who stopped in
the street could have been your friends. Like you know,
we got we got to start building more bridges. I
was attracted to your one memory. I was like hitting
it off with your one friend Kevin. Kevin, those are

(39:40):
too hot. I felt that there was.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
A vibe between us. I had a good time talking
about Ben right. I remember, guys, come back, listen, come
look at me. Come back.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
And just in case the listeners wondering, yes, I was
sitting alone the show.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
We're like, bye, bitch, you're.

Speaker 3 (40:01):
Sitting with my legs crossed on the grounds. I don't
even have a seat. They're like, sit there, dog. I'm like,
I go, I sit on. I'm like fine, I don't
mind it. No, they're the best. I do have very
lovely friends. And I'm joking about that.

Speaker 1 (40:14):
Miami.

Speaker 3 (40:14):
Come back to Miami when it's not New Year's.

Speaker 2 (40:16):
Here's the thing though, And just just on the topic
of New Year's no city that you don't live in.
If you're visiting a city on New Year's you will
have a bad time periods. It doesn't matter where it is. Correct,
New York is not better except this last New Years
where we were in New York.

Speaker 1 (40:32):
I loved it. We were working, Yeah, we were working,
but we were just like it was we were like
it was so like there.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
Was no like packing within two days. There was no
like okay, like where where should we go now? Like
what reservation should we make? It was there was none
of that. There was no itinerary. It was just like,
let's we're just we're home. Everyone come over to my apartment.
And we went to Mexico City a couple of years ago.
Like I would love to visit Mesco City when it's
not New Year's like around Producer Becca says New York

(41:01):
New Year's Eve house party is the best way to
go period.

Speaker 3 (41:04):
I do want to say, however, that I had one
of my best New Year's is in Las Vegas many
years ago. Oh where my friend and I. Vegas is
actually fun in New Years because what I love about
Vegas many people hate it. It's whatever you want it
to be. I say so if you want to be
like a dumb slut. Great, if you want to just
gamble or drink, have a good dinner somewhere CNI show
it is what you want, which is nice. Yeah, we

(41:25):
had the best fucking time in Vegas. We met people,
We had big martinis at the Petrosian Bar in the
Bellagio Hotel. We saw Selene Dion So Selene, God bless her.
We saw Selene. Then we went and watched fireworks over
the strip and I bought these like two dollars light
up mini mouse years that when I put them on
my scalp, it felt like my entire body was getting electrocuted.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
Anyone you know this feeling. Anyway, it was.

Speaker 3 (41:48):
Fabulous, fabulous. But so Vegas actually can be well.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
Because Vegas can't turn up more than it's already turned up.
So it's like it's already operating at a New Year's
Eve energy literally threeound and fifty five days a year,
three sixty six on the leap and so on, like
any given day. You can have that experience and so
it doesn't feel like you have to like adjust anything
because you're just like, this is Vegas, right.

Speaker 3 (42:13):
Yeah, I've never been to Mexico City, though we should
all go do a live show there.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
We shall go.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
Michelle, what are your hopes and drinks for the summer
besides grace? Are your agrees?

Speaker 1 (42:28):
So I have a lot coming up?

Speaker 3 (42:29):
Actually, so okay tour first, even though it's not technically summer.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Where are you in the garden and when is it? Okay?

Speaker 3 (42:36):
Big natural tour. So it starts on April twenty third.
We're doing Atlanta Town Hall in New York, the Salon
Theater in Los Angeles, Portland, Oregon in a big theater,
the Aladdin Theater. Then Philly, Pittsburgh and Chicago and Boston
is already Where are you playing in Chicago City Winery?

Speaker 1 (42:55):
Oh? Fun, cute, cute.

Speaker 3 (42:57):
Venue, should be fun. But yeah, if you live in
a layer in New York, definitely definitely a ticket. The
other shows are like nearly sold out, but Ellie and
New York are the big venues and Portland, Oregon. So
we have special guests Brian Sophie, Daniel Schneider, Amory Hars.
I don't know say with Cat Cohen in New York
is gonna be yes.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
It's gonna be fun. Wait, I wanted to say I
played at the Aladdin Theater in Portland. It's such a
funny vibe because you get there and it looks like
it looks like a high school auditorium and you're like,
there's no way. Like my agent had been like, yeah,
this this this venue is great, man, like they're gonna
love you man. And then I was I guess there
and I'm like, huh, it's like very Portland vibes. That
venue turns all the way up really but like it

(43:37):
fills up and you're like, oh my god. Like I
remember before I got on stage, it was one vibe
and then I got on stage and I was like,
hold on wait, this is one of the fun shows.
Like it really really really was great. I'm excited to
have one time there.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
Brian Saffy's coming with me to that show, and I'll
add I just need people to buy tickets for that
show because I think, I know like that they're.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
So clearly there. The Portland Portland sales are slow.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
But when Matt and I did I don't think so
honey as a tour there in Portland. That was the
first show and it was I think one of my
favorite shows.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
It was it was great, It was great, and then
I remember I got such a bad taste in my
mouth about Seattle going forward because we we performed the
very first time that Bowen and I toured for. I
don't think so, honey. We took it around the country.
This was a whole different era. We went to Seattle
and we played at an all ages, no alcohol venue

(44:34):
and Discovery Zone. What was it any Discovery Zone? But
but then I was like, it was the most silent
I think it was the most silent comedy show I've
ever But did you redeem it with have you heard
of Christmas? Though? My one of my favorite cities by far,
to perform in Seattle having heard of Christmas? Like I did.

(44:59):
I did a the More Theater last time, which is
a little bit bigger, and then before that, I did
the Neptune, which I'm going back to this year. Was
spoiler alert, such good energy, Seattle fucking rocks. I love Seattle.

Speaker 3 (45:11):
You know, I've never been to Seattle, and I have
a friend here who's from there, who was like, you
need to perform because they're the best crowds.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
Oh literally, last week we were talking about it.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
I should add one last thing, which is also a
spoiler because I'm also doing five nights in London at
the end of June.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
Wow, I was so a theater.

Speaker 3 (45:26):
So everyone's the best, so people should I don't. Tickets
will be on sale this week. We're going to announce
it officially, but I'll give you the scoop. That's happening.
I think June twenty fifth through the twenty ninth.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
Oh that's so great. Oh there's just the best area,
best theater, best vibes. Oh man, that's so very excited.

Speaker 3 (45:43):
I hope you can come forward. Then we're all going
to Greece, the three of us. To Meek notes, I
don't know what I'm doing this summer.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
I want to let go. You know.

Speaker 3 (45:50):
I went in a cruise last summer with my parents
because again, like the friends are just knocking the door down.
So I went to Iceland and to Norway with my parents.
And I have to tell you, I feel like I'm
coming off as the worst version of myself. Like I
love Vegas. I had a great time on a cruise,
but genuinely I had fun in that cruise and I
had to do it again, just saying the people watching

(46:11):
you are basically on an insane asylum at sea. So
everyone has sung. Everyone's just like horrible in their own
kind of ways. Some people are fun, you know, you
can sometimes some people, Wait, we saw there was a
singer on the boat who This is a really funny
quick story that you'll die. So there's a singer that
they build as like being the most not Michael Crawford,
but he was like the second most performing Phantom of

(46:33):
all time and Phantom of the Opera I don't remember
as anything, and so we love Phantom. So my parents
and I we go, we hobble down to the theater
to see this guy. And he gets up and he
sings two songs from Phantom of the Opera to the sequel,
and then he's turned the rest of the show, singing
like Queen songs. So I have video, which I actually
am going to show in my show of my mother
just fuming in her seat. She just like so pissed

(46:55):
she can't stand him. The next day, elevator doors open.
Who walked up at this He's like, I think Welsh,
and he's got this big stomach and he walks out and.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
Then I'm goes, oh, I'm so sorry. Are you the
are you the singer from Oh No? Show?

Speaker 3 (47:08):
Please, please don't anyway, you're dying. I'm at this point, Honey,
I shrunk the kids. It's the witches. There's green smoke
coming out of my backet. I'm just I'm not even witch.
It's just I'm just I'm a little rat in like address.
And she goes, he's a singer from last night, And
he goes, why, yes, I am, you know, very proud

(47:29):
of himself.

Speaker 1 (47:29):
I am yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
And she goes, just wondering why you chose to sing
Fansom of the Opera two when they're billing you as
phantom One, and also you sang like he sang a
song from Oliver, which is like, I guess it's like
my dad's favorite musical. But he sang like one of
the worst songs from Oliver that had my dad's seething.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
So then I go.

Speaker 3 (47:51):
She goes, and why of all the songs in Oliver
that you could have chosen, why did you? I mean,
I'm like this. It was like, what's the you're gonna go.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
To the movie? A few Shining? It was the Shining.

Speaker 3 (48:07):
As good as it gets. She was in the back
ring glasses and my mom was great canear and then
I was the dog anyway, dog episode, I was that
little Brussels grief phone or whatever the fuck they're called anyway,
So there was that. I had the best time on

(48:29):
that boat. If that guy is listening, I'm so sorry.
I'm proud of her behavior. She's a monster anyway, She'll
be one of the shows.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
Talk about your mom, because what I want to know
about her takes recently, because like I know, she always
has pop culture takes, like you sometimes post the emails
you get from her. I just want to know, like,
what's up, What's what's mom thinking doing? Saying lately? Mom
is upset?

Speaker 2 (48:47):
You know.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
I do a weekly episode because I have a Patreon
with the show, and once a week my mom and
I do an hour for the Highest Bidder uh at
patreon dot com slash.

Speaker 1 (48:56):
Nish call of you who pay the most.

Speaker 3 (49:02):
But she's really big on Dealer No deal Island, like
this is.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
Her new family. Yeah, this is like taking over.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
Yeah yeah it's on NBCCO. I think they're showing it there.
She loves the traders like everyone does. You know, she's
obsessed with which I haven't watched yet, Survivor Australia.

Speaker 1 (49:18):
She oh, it's the best.

Speaker 3 (49:20):
How do you watch it because she watches it on
something called SOUTHEMITV dot com. I don't have to hear
her say this again. I'm gonna like end it all.
She's like, wow, MYSOUTHEMTV dot com. I'm like stop.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
So they did have it at one point on Paramount
Plus had it, and they don't anymore. But there was
one iconic season that they had of Survivor Australia. It
was like, I guess maybe it was season four or something.
I don't even want to say who won it because
I would like people to find it. But someone that's

(49:54):
on Australian Traders season two was also on this season
of Survivor. By the way, I want to say, Australian
Traders season one is I'm going to call the pinnacle
of reality television, and I think it is the single
greatest reality TV season of all time. In a competitive sense,
Australian Traders season two is the worst thing you could

(50:17):
ever watch. It honestly was so bad comedy, so bad
that they canceled it. And then the whole thing was canceled,
did they Yeah, the Australian version, no kidding, because I
watched that too. One was very good.

Speaker 3 (50:29):
Is the guy you're talking about, that hot as shit,
giant guy with a beard. There's a guy who second
Vie Australia who was like, I think we're Instagram friends.
Life doesn't matter anyway, it doesn't matter. But yeah, he's
but he was I think on one of these other
reality shows anyway.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
The Australian Survivor at any given time as it is
a collection of the hottest people in the world. And
I can't say that about the American but.

Speaker 3 (50:56):
This Survivor, by the way, I'm sorry, this season is
really sucking.

Speaker 1 (50:59):
I'm watching. I watched it sucks and it's not good.
It's a sit. It's a sit. What's it? It's just
it's long. They're long episodes. You gotta see a sit
for him. I'll say this last season was excellent, and
it also really only got really good around episode six seven.
We're at that point now where they've merged in this

(51:20):
season and I feel like it's gonna get more interesting.
But I will say the boogers that they cast that
you had to get through in the beginning, it's actually
some of the worst gameplay I've seen in decades on
the show. Like it's like and I talk like I'm
ninety years old, and it just it feels like there
hasn't been this level of a super fan and b

(51:43):
horseshit gameplay at the same time, to where I'm like,
we got to stop with the toxic positivity and casting here.
There is a casting issue, and like, I understand if
people are excited, but there was a do you remember Bonu?

Speaker 3 (51:57):
Do I remember here he's on his knees here.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
That was That was That was a low point in
in reality. There was a second was hot, but then
it got too much and it was like he was
judging but yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
Yeah, but then they got it got to be a
lot mish. What does mom think about the Kate Middleton stuff?
Does she have an opinion?

Speaker 4 (52:22):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (52:22):
Man, there was a moment where I was worried for myself,
not her, because I knew that I had joined like
K and on like whatever the q on version of
the Kate Middleton conspiracy theories. I'm one of the few
people still on X and I feel it being very
a really slippery slope with things like this because people
are still very funny on X, Like the tweets are

(52:42):
hilarious and then they're engaging and so when people are
pointing out all these conspiracy theories, it's fun.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
You're like, wow, this was before the video.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
But then even with that video, people saying her eyelid
is you know, glitching out, and her shark teeth and
the ring and all this stuff, and it's tough to
not watch it back and be like are they right?

Speaker 1 (52:59):
Am I? You know, well, I think that they could
have avoided all of this by just being a little
bit more transparent in the beginning, because something that happened
that I think, to be honest with you, I don't
think they hated was the fact that there was all
of this like craziness online and that went on for
a very long time. And of course, like she is
deserving of her privacy and also deserving of the time

(53:22):
it takes to figure out what really is going on,
because you know, when you get a diagnosis like that,
or you think you're getting a diagnosis like that, you
also want to make sure that you have all the
information and that you have a plan and stuff. But
the fact is, like we can't act like she's not
one of the most famous people in the world, you
know what I mean. And so especially when you doctor
a photo and when you do all these things, it's

(53:44):
like they didn't help themselves there. And I will stand
and say they have the worst pr in the world.
And I think that the if there was any inappropriateness
that went on in terms of the discourse about what
she was going through, they did not helped themselves there.
And I'm not talking about William and Kate. I'm talking
about the machine around them that did not create a positive,

(54:08):
healthy space for her. And I also say that taking
accountability for the way everyone talked about her.

Speaker 2 (54:14):
But then only to be chastised after the video comes out,
it's like, well you kind of you kind of like
ginned up this fervor around it that like didn't have
to exist.

Speaker 3 (54:25):
My thing is that hot guy Thomas I forget his
last name, who died, that young guy who died supposedly
from I mean it supposedly was a gunshot wound. I
guess it kind of never fully I guess came out
what did it? But then when they said the rifle,
it sounded like one of the Looney Tunes rifles, like
something about it also was off to me. And people

(54:45):
think that he had like a sharp implement or like
said that he was bludgeoned, which is a word I
love to say, but there's something with that too, and
that's where I started getting into the we'd see was
Kate having an affair and what's going on? And it
just seems suspicious that all of this was happening at
the same time.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
What can we do to tell you to get off
of that?

Speaker 3 (55:05):
Thomas Kingston me, I need a drop, honestly, outside of
what I do, I need to work.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
I know, are you off of it? You deleted it?
We're off? I mean, I have I have a porn
all it's I have. I have. I have one where
I just like follow porny. I have one where I
follow porn stars and roller coaster construction.

Speaker 3 (55:24):
I'm just getting shit about deleting it. Why can't I
enjoy the things I like? If you're doing what you like?
I don't understand why I have to be ashamed because
I'm not watching guys jerking off?

Speaker 1 (55:34):
Is that okay?

Speaker 3 (55:35):
I mean, you're right, honestly, the truth or whatever you
want to call them, I'm not on threads every time
it's accidentally opens the zeats.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
The zeats. I still love it. People are funnier than ever.

Speaker 3 (55:47):
I'm sorry and yes, I do see a lot of
horrific things as well, and I immediately blocked anytime I
see something that I'm like crosses a line, They're gone.
But it's it's endless. Unfortunately, it's endless, no problem, no
problem at all.

Speaker 1 (56:00):
Huh. I feel like I love you. The thing is
like I feel like I of course want to be
on there and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.
But I think because there's that context is removed, like
I can't even engage because you can't jerk off to it.
You turn off to lots, but you have so many.

Speaker 3 (56:20):
It's like there are only so many things that are
funny these days, and that's where I find laughter. You
can jerk off to anything. You can go anywhere and
find porn. So it's funny that that's the thing that
you still are giving them your business with m.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
I mean, wow, is TV comedy that bad? Like we
have to be on exce like nothing out there for
day to day stuff. Yeah, because we have no blogs anymore.

Speaker 3 (56:42):
You know, I'm a hundred Actually we have no there's
nowhere else to go for like hot takes and quick news,
quick rapid things.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
I don't know, I miss docker every day, me too,
in the interest of, like, you know, it's quick takes
before we get to I don't think so, honey, do
you have any Bravo Our Housewives takes?

Speaker 1 (56:57):
You have to get off your chest? What's what do
you feel about all the recent stuff we're talking? What
like Summerhouse I'm watching, I'm liking it. Whatever, you don't
so whatever. I don't even know what. I don't even
know what Carl and Lindsay is.

Speaker 3 (57:10):
Oh, I actually don't you know. I watch it again
just for there to be sound in my house. I
don't know how use to put it. ASMR vander Pump
is fine. I'm not loving this season. I don't find
joy watching it.

Speaker 1 (57:22):
Really.

Speaker 3 (57:22):
I'm kind of in a bit of a run at
the moment because Potomac is over. Potomac wasn't great this season.
We all know that, and then what else is on
a Jersey starting? I might have to start watching Jersey?

Speaker 1 (57:32):
I stopped. I'm excited for Jersey. I'm excited for Jersey,
and I guess you know what I've been rewatching is
like season ten of OC, the Vicki and Brooks of
it all, like that was that was the golden age, right, there,
I guess you. No. No, I don't even really know
why I asked, because it's kind of we're kind of
in the dead zone. But I hope that. I hope
it gets fun again.

Speaker 3 (57:51):
You're right, there's nothing on in New or what do
you think about the New York casting? Have they finalized it?

Speaker 2 (57:57):
I think it's pretty finalized. It's just it's just all
the women returning, right, no additions, no.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
Additions, everyone's coming back. And they haven't even said any
friends of It's just the six of them coming back,
which I think is the right move.

Speaker 2 (58:08):
Sure, but that promo of them like split screen on
a vertical video, like is it there? I like people
have already commented on this, like weeks ago, but like
it's is it there? Is not enough of a thing
for that promotive made sense? And what's her face? Aaron
doesn't know what the hell was going on and continues

(58:30):
to suck and as to sigh like I'm like I
looked at that grit and I was like, oh, I
don't really care about most of these people.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
That's how I feel. Hey, I want to say, I
like Aaron. Aaron is a Aaron is a is a
great vibe and she's a great vibe in the room. Yeah,
but when she said great bottle of mescal, my loyalty
can be bought. No, just kidding.

Speaker 3 (58:55):
By the way, she doesn't bother me to the extent
that some people hate her, like I'm posteply by the end,
like Aaron, at first, I had good will towards all
of them, actually, and by the end Aaron really fucked herself.
I was like, okay, and but I love how I say, like,
I'm not excited for it. I will be drooling for
the first episode, like I can't wait for it to start.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
So, but I did their Bravo Con panel, and I
really so. The only one I didn't meet was Jenna
Lyons because she wasn't even at Bravocon. She didn't step
foot into the arena. I guess, yeah, I don't know
for whatever reason. But the five of them I really
enjoyed actually a lot, and it seemed like they were
a very cohesive cast. And I will say the Bravocan

(59:35):
audience was going fucking crazy for them. Can't imagine. I
think that show was a bigger hit than you were
supposed to moderate.

Speaker 3 (59:44):
I was supposed to go to moderate the OC panel oh,
that would have been fun. I booked my travel. It
cost me.

Speaker 1 (59:51):
I felt like the monopoly man on the United website.

Speaker 3 (59:53):
I was like, let's go for it, like it was
so expensive, and then they were like, oh, we'll reimburse you.
And then when I said, hey, cause I'm coming from
so far away to Vegas, it just didn't work out
with like the money, they were like, well, pay for
two nights hotel. I was like, and then when am
I sleeping in the Belagio fountain like on the top
of the center, spout like where am I going?

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
After that?

Speaker 3 (01:00:11):
They could have ponied up for more together out there,
and they could have ponied than they didn't, So I thought,
you know what, and I went to Milan instead, because
again I'm relatable. Good for you, Please come to my show.
I won't bring up Malana one time. Michelle Allens Live
Talking know what I really won't Michelle Collins Live dot com.
I'm excited for the show. I'm going to sing. I
wrote a new parody song for it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:31):
Love it. Wait all right, well you know where to
get tickets? We should do Vegas. That's that's hopefully an
easy trip for us, right.

Speaker 3 (01:00:39):
I love Vegas. I will go the summer. The summer sucks,
I'll go in the fall.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
I'm addicted to Vegas. I literally fucking love Vegas. I
don't tell you up. You sit in that Belagio bar,
that Petrosi and bar.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
They all know me when my my first name and
one martini is like thirty seven dollars.

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
They're huge.

Speaker 3 (01:00:57):
You see when I say, every walk of life in
that lobby under the glass, every person, every alien, every
specimen somehow walks rolls their way through and it is
the best. To me, there is no better people watching
on the planet than right there.

Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
Especially during Bravocon. By the way, the best during Bravocon
was like I stayed at I forget what I said,
cosmopoalenen O nice. And the best was running into like
the Gorgas and the Fudas, oh like just roaring through
the lobby like I loved it. Like Joe Gorga and
John Fuda both stand four six, Oh my god, their

(01:01:38):
wives are nineteen feet tall. It is and and just
gorgeous and stunning, and just watching them walk through, It's
like Bravocon was the best because it was just like
mascots everywhere. It was I was describing it as like
you watch Mickey and Donald Duck Walker Mound, but they
actually never take off the masks, you know what I mean,
that's just them. Shannon Storm's bodor coming up to me

(01:01:59):
saying she's a I'm like, Shannon, you're too good. That's fun.

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
I was gonna ask if Joe Gorga took a picture
in the big high heel in the Cosmopolitan lobby. You
know they have that big high deal you can sit in.
That would have been fun. I would have enjoyed that.
Cosmo's fun. Listen, it's cheesy. I'm not cheesy like that.
I hate floor de Lei famously. I don't like swirls like.
There are certain design elements I don't love. And that's
very Vegas, all of those things. It's very grand lux cafe.

(01:02:24):
But I do really lean into that's the Miami suburban girl.

Speaker 1 (01:02:27):
In me, though. I love things like that. You know, Yeah,
I mean we connect on that. Yeah, okay, it's time
for I don't think so, honey, wouldn't you say bow
and yang? I would say, so, let's do it right. So, this,
of course, is the segment that we do famously on

(01:02:48):
this podcast every single time, and we even do it
on Lost episodes. You know, somewhere out there there exists
I don't know, Sawnny Kelly Clarkson by Michelle Collins, and
it's well, well, if you repeated, we don't know, maybe
she new takes. We'll see, but I certainly have a
new take. It's as a result of watching and a
consuming culture. And I'm noticing someone is really really present

(01:03:10):
in the culture right now, and I just want to
point it out. Okay, this is Matt Rogers. I don't
think so honey. As time starts now, I don't think
so honey, Nicholas Gallatzine. Logistically, this actor is in every
single thing, and I don't understand how it actually happens.
I am not I don't think so honeying him as

(01:03:31):
a talent. I really liked him in Bottoms. I respect
his straight ass being in Red, White and Royal Blue.
I think we need more amazing talent and straight actors
to bring a skaseex to the screen. I want to
see your takes. But what I really really don't understand
is just logistically how he is the lead in all
of these things. All of a sudden, it would suggest

(01:03:52):
a couple things to me, One that there are no
other actors in his demographic, and two that he is
AI fifteen. I am here to titch. I think that
Nicholas Galaxy is the first AI actor. I don't actually
know any sighting of him in real life, So I
am pitching this. Nicholas Galatine is a I. If anyone

(01:04:12):
can disprove this, please come forward. But I think we
have to watch out for AI Nicholas Galaxy, and it's
the only explanation for his ubiquity. And that's one minute.
The letters are in his name. Listen, now you are correct, sir,
I don't know. I don't know. I'm like Russell crow
and what a beautiful, beautiful mind. You're like pop culture.

(01:04:35):
You're like Russell Crowe and La Confidential love that movie.
Am I wrong? This person is? Yeah? He suddenly a
list in a way where I'm like, where did this get?
What happened to? Whatever happened to?

Speaker 2 (01:04:49):
It takes ten years for an overnight success, yeah, because
because I think now it takes one night for an
overnight success. It literally is an overnight success. I don't
know this person, Okay, you do. Though he's very talented,
He's no he's.

Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
Here's the thing. He's good, he's good, and he's also cute.
But the thing is like it has now become a
situation where I don't think anyone else books that's so interesting.
He's the lead in a romantic comedy with Anne Hathaway,
just like straight away, you know what I mean. Like
he's like starring opposite Julianne Moore in this like huge

(01:05:25):
Marion George series. These aren't like little things. These are
the opposite, these Oscar winning actresses and these like projects
that they're doing. And it's not the first time.

Speaker 2 (01:05:36):
There was no like on Ramping, it was just like
straight shot up into the sky.

Speaker 1 (01:05:42):
Yeah, And I think like even if it was red
white and royal blue, that to me, logistically doesn't seem
like it could have been the thing because that wasn't
that long ago. When all these products have become concurrent.
It's just like, if you look at any given time
over the past year and a half, he's been starring
in something major that it can't have just taken a

(01:06:02):
couple of weeks to shoot, you know what I'm saying.
So it's just like, logistically, I think he has to
be artificial intelligence can show me him outside of a movie.
He's Simone. I'm telling you, Simon.

Speaker 3 (01:06:18):
I feel like I just looked at him. I'm excited
for that Anne Hathaway movie. But uh, I feel like
this happens with a lot of actresses too, where all
of a sudden, I'm being subjected to these young people
in general, who I've never laid eyes on. I assume
they're like TikTok people, because I don't know where else
people are discovered these days.

Speaker 1 (01:06:35):
But industry playing, that's playing. Yeah, I agree. I actually
believe deeply in the idea of industry plants on one
right here.

Speaker 3 (01:06:45):
Oh, you're just so lucky. I would become any industry plant.

Speaker 1 (01:06:49):
I know.

Speaker 3 (01:06:49):
I just want to be playing to people. Don't suspect
a thing. I know they would if I made it.
They'd be like, Okay, someone plays to her. I guess
the seed finally grew.

Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
The scene at this point. At this point, for us,
they repot us go. Yeah. The best is when you
do an interview and the comments are like they really
are trying to make them happen. Huh, Like it's like,
I don't know, like they it's just so funny.

Speaker 2 (01:07:20):
Well, it's it's just impossible. I mean, this goes back
to Matt's whole like premise like that he made years ago,
which is there should be recite like new famous people
every let's say ten years, because now what's happening is
there is no way for new people to be famous
except if you're a Nicolas Galaxy, I guess. Or but
but then I also I reject that notion a little

(01:07:41):
bit because I'm like, we still have stars, they're just
a little bit it feels like there's more chaff to
sift through.

Speaker 1 (01:07:50):
Well, go watch the movie Done Two. All the movies.
Literally every new movie star is in that movie. It's Zendeya,
Timmy Florence, and Austin Butler, the four of them. And
then I would say outside of that, there's like Tom
Holland like that generation, and Sidney Sweeney that generation. We
definitely do the movie's We're Locked, We're There. And Nicholas Gallaxy. Now,

(01:08:12):
I just didn't see the progression with him. It just
felt like it came out of nowhere, and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
because you can sort of track everyone else. He arrived
in these huge projects out of nowhere.

Speaker 3 (01:08:27):
It's funny, Well, he's gorgeous, beautiful kid, and he's and
by the way, chock full of talent.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
I've never seen him in anything. What a talent?

Speaker 3 (01:08:36):
You know?

Speaker 1 (01:08:37):
Well, I was watching an interview with Anne Hathway and
she was like, well, thank god we have Nick and
I was like, oh, wow, really you know.

Speaker 2 (01:08:44):
This person was I didn't know I would say the
other guy in red, white and yal blue. He he
I've seen the cobblestones laid out for him, like he
like took the big the bit parts and like worked
his way up.

Speaker 1 (01:08:57):
Yeah, you know who we should ask because he was
in Attoms, we should just flat out ask Rachel Senna
and Io if he's AI, because they can answer it
because they worked with the AI creation in the film
if this is true, or they could confirm or deny
he is a living, breathing, flesh person.

Speaker 2 (01:09:13):
Rachel Io reach out to us and look, it's a
totally acceptable answer answer.

Speaker 1 (01:09:18):
If you're like, he is a but he's so good,
he's so sweet, We're.

Speaker 2 (01:09:21):
Like, yeah, totally, yeah, we just have to get to
the bottom of like his existential nature.

Speaker 1 (01:09:26):
You know what I mean. Listen, we're just two industry
plans reaching out to two other industry plans. To let
us know about this other industry plan. Let us all.
Let us know girls, Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:09:35):
To be planted boys, what a blessing on both of
your lives. Honestly, seriously, anyways, so bow and Yang, So
my phone famously died this morning and I almost overslept.

Speaker 1 (01:09:47):
So I don't have any time? Can you time? Yeah?
Of course. Oh, this is good. You've earned You've earned this.
You're now a legendary guest, so you can you can
even do the whole thing as a former judge of
the cultur War pageant. We'll call it.

Speaker 3 (01:09:59):
Okay, so let me let me figure out how my
timer works. It's a stop watch, correct, you know what? Hey, hey,
plant one, keep it down.

Speaker 1 (01:10:08):
I got it. Okay, you's not going to be a
problem for the recording.

Speaker 3 (01:10:18):
Hold on, we're back nothing, you know, I use one
of these things. I don't want to talk about.

Speaker 1 (01:10:22):
Cut that out.

Speaker 3 (01:10:23):
Here we go, Bowen Yang. I don't think so, honey,
I'm going to start now.

Speaker 2 (01:10:30):
I don't think so, honey, British Vogue, I need more
videos of what's in my bag from actresses. I just
I think I don't need to watch any more TV
or play any more video games or read any more books.
All I need to do for the rest of my
life is watch What's in my Bag videos? What is
it about these videos that is so soothing? It reveals

(01:10:51):
so much about these people, it makes them relatable. If
we all did it What's in my Bag video, it
doesn't matter for what platform, we would have one million
new fans. These are very effective marketing tools that make
me all of a sudden care for fucking Daisy Edgar Jones,
that make me think, you know, maybe maybe Emma what's

(01:11:12):
her face, maybe hermione is Emma Watson is a compelling
I can't even remember her name. Maybe Emma Watson is
a compelling celebrity. It makes me really enjoy these people
no matter what. Charlie XCX has an amazing one, Pamela
Anderson has such a good one. This is such This
is the best media we could ever have come up
with in the history of time.

Speaker 1 (01:11:34):
And I need more of them. And there's a stoppage
they've stopped making them. Yeah huh, and that's one minute. Listen.
I think that there is something about the fact that
and tell me if this is true, because you do
like a product you know what I'm saying. It's like you,
I'm sort of like there's like one thing in all

(01:11:56):
those bags where I'm like, I could buy that thing,
you know what I mean, Like and I reach out.
The therapy famously works. And that's why those things have
started to work on me personally, is because I'm like, oh,
that's an attainable thing I could do, and essentially they're
being sold to us. That's really what that shit is.
It's like QVC, I know that.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
I don't think so honey, Like Wirecutter doesn't really get
it right all the time. And what is actually more
reliable is these What's in my Bag videos where you
have someone being like, no, I live and swear by this,
this should be the only endorsement that matters.

Speaker 3 (01:12:24):
And you believe them because you know, I've just changed
once again. I don't think so honey, based on both
of yours. I always do that, like I have one
in mind, and I've just changed. I'm going to do
a whole new one now because you've inspired me. But
I'm going to give kind of an opposite take of you,
because I please, I guess I'm no, I'm not trying
to veer a way when you're saying I just I'm
like a little more skeptical, but maybe because I've been burned.

Speaker 1 (01:12:46):
Yes, okay, it happens. Oh, I can't wait to hear this, well?

Speaker 3 (01:12:50):
Can I also add that I broke when I was
going to Frankfurt, Germany the day they found that bomb.
I have a ring cam in my house that the
wire was like run this big vase and as I
was like running out the door, I tripped on the wire. No,
the vase came crashing down. I vacuumed it up. There's
no question. I have ceramic sharts on my feet right now.

(01:13:11):
And just keep in mind when.

Speaker 1 (01:13:13):
If there's no question for the past.

Speaker 3 (01:13:15):
Like twenty minutes, I'm like, oh, when I get up,
there's just gonna be like Wilson, blood prints across the floor.

Speaker 1 (01:13:21):
Thanks up with a stumpy foot, like time ban ice cream?
Anyway in Vegas, we'll top. We gotta go do the cruise.
You get up and like fall over foot is a
bloody stump? What if?

Speaker 3 (01:13:34):
I don't think so, honey was but Forrest Gump. I'm
like Forrest Gump. I like back to the forefront.

Speaker 1 (01:13:40):
Fuck that, No, to the power front. Okay, exactly, This
is Michelle. By the way, Michelle, you look amazing radio
radio radio.

Speaker 3 (01:13:49):
That's really always You're so sweet? Wait, can I might
even just do all three things I wanted to I
don't get so honey, you want and I can't get
it in.

Speaker 1 (01:13:57):
Whatever, and there's no time limit for you, honestly, but.

Speaker 3 (01:13:59):
I'll no, that's the fun of it, that's the fun.
I have an immediate anxiety attack. I'm in the elevator
in Clark Street. Okay, no, let's do it. Take it away.
I'm ready casting from seed the people on the bus
for bus.

Speaker 1 (01:14:13):
This is Michelle. Time starts now. Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:14:16):
Initially I don't think so honey. Theater tickets aka cabaret tickets.
I'm coming to New York for three nights. I decide
I'm going to be chic. I saw it in London.
It was fantastic. I said, I'm going to see it
again in New York because I love it and I
love the music on the story. And I went on
their website and one ticket is three hundred and ninety
the most expensive ticket. The most expensive is over six

(01:14:36):
hundred for one ticket. It was three hundred and ninety
nine for like limited you I want to say, for
five hundred dollars with the fees, I want to see
redmin head to toe. Sorry, that's how I was already
really pissed me off. So if anyone's listening in his
connections now, but then when I wanted to change it too, say,
I feel crazy right now. Micromachines is Bethany Frankel suggestions
in her her influencing because I fell for it. Okay, well,

(01:14:58):
don't nag me in my own I think so, honey.
I fell I thought I will not stand.

Speaker 1 (01:15:03):
For and.

Speaker 3 (01:15:07):
I fell for it because of exactly what you said.
That she had something attainable. She is only to continue.
She had something attainable that I thought I want. That
she had air Mez lip oil. Listen to the dumbist
fiction in the world that would be me. And I'm
watching her with her jigsaw face lathering the lip up
with this oil. I said, I need the air meslip oil,
only thing I can afford. I go into air mez

(01:15:29):
and Amsterdam with no makeup on. I look like trunch bowl. Okay,
I walk in. I swear to god, I looked like
I don't even know, I don't even.

Speaker 1 (01:15:35):
Want to install myself.

Speaker 3 (01:15:36):
But it was not a good look for me, and
I come and tell her and they were like, can
we happy?

Speaker 1 (01:15:40):
Yeah, like all rude.

Speaker 3 (01:15:42):
First it started. I tried in a pair of shoes
that were a little tight, be size forty two ladies,
and the woman there was like, oh they're tight, what
size are they?

Speaker 1 (01:15:50):
And I went, she went, she went.

Speaker 3 (01:15:53):
That's the biggest size way made that happened to me.

Speaker 1 (01:15:56):
I went, you don't think I know that, your fucking bitch. Please. Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:16:00):
That was the first nag at air mez anyway, so
that bothered me. And then she did apologize to me
because I didn't handle it well.

Speaker 1 (01:16:07):
I like walked away silent.

Speaker 3 (01:16:11):
I was like, she was like, I'm only a size
thirty six. I stayed about your five and a half
feet fucking tall. What do you think you know?

Speaker 1 (01:16:17):
I'm big? Leave me out of it. Anyway.

Speaker 3 (01:16:20):
I went to buy the lip oil hold on, I'm
getting fired up, and it was sixty euros and I thought,
all right, it's like one Uber eats. I'll starve tonight
and I'll eat my lip oil and I die table
for one. That's how much I eat size forty two. Anyway,
I get the lip oil cola. It was called cold

(01:16:41):
Flavor whatever. It's like a pink color.

Speaker 1 (01:16:42):
Who knows? I put her on.

Speaker 3 (01:16:43):
First of all, packaging, This is really and I don't
think so, honey, air mess packaging living in a three
out of ten horrible, worse than wet and wild from
fucking dayne read number one, number two, really lendous packaging
like the first. Well, it's a glass tube, so anytime
you put it down, it's like rolling left and right.
I'm telling you, I'm the captain in Titanic trying to
keep it on the table.

Speaker 1 (01:17:03):
Let's first second of all, just follow along. How many
more minutes do I have left? As a joke? Oh girl,
I open it up, Please, I open it. I'll kill you.
I'll have you killed.

Speaker 4 (01:17:15):
Listen, you have to go.

Speaker 1 (01:17:19):
You deleted. She still doesn't believe it. You deleted it,
she said. She's still trying to We are listen, you
are so wait. So I come a second there.

Speaker 3 (01:17:34):
I take this hard. They call it a it's like
a doe foot applicator. That's what the that's what Bethany
calls a doe foot.

Speaker 1 (01:17:40):
Who knows.

Speaker 3 (01:17:40):
Anyway, I take the applicator. It's hard as a rock
with this oil, I'm going huh. I put it on
my lips, y'all. A tasted like hard peppercorns.

Speaker 1 (01:17:48):
Listen to me. This is a little no oil.

Speaker 3 (01:17:51):
My joke is like, catch you a peppe like I
put it on. I'm going with this. You know you
want to taste cherry floral, something.

Speaker 1 (01:17:57):
Kind of delicious corn oil.

Speaker 3 (01:18:00):
It was Seschean General chose lip oil.

Speaker 1 (01:18:03):
I put it on.

Speaker 3 (01:18:06):
That's why Bethany was like, yeah, I'm probably your first
meal all day. I beat that in anyway, So I
moved it tasted so that I never used. Of course
I can't return it. So I got fucked out of
like seventy dollars. That's unumiliated with my rate and humiliated.

Speaker 1 (01:18:25):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (01:18:26):
So not only can't I afford cabaret tickets, I have
an air mess lip oil I can't even use. And
I was humiliated about my big fucking feet at that
store by that little bitch. Yeah, and that's my I
don't think so, honey, I was gonna talk about my manicure,
which looks like dentures, but no, I do matter.

Speaker 1 (01:18:40):
And then it's like minutes and twenty seven seconds. I
mean it in every word, every word.

Speaker 2 (01:18:49):
Was perfect, And I will say this is not a nag.
I do think Bethany on TikTok doing product reviews is
a different thing, and it's not It is not editor
what I like about the British folk videos. Even if
it is like, oh, this person clearly has a deal
with Valentino or whatever, Like, I still like watching these people.

(01:19:10):
It doesn't matter that like that I know them. I
just like watching anybody all Like I have gone down
a rabbit hole on YouTube of just any old vlogger
talking about what's in her bag. I'm like, there's something
so soothing and comforting about this. But Bethany, like reviewing
tuna from cans, I'm like, she's out of her fucking mind.

Speaker 3 (01:19:29):
Listen anytime she mashes something down with a fork, I'm sick.
Anytime she's like the rice cake, she's like, you gotta
mash is.

Speaker 1 (01:19:36):
She always is using a fork.

Speaker 3 (01:19:37):
I've never seen a knife in her house, and she's
a very hard person to watch eat. But there is, yeah, genuinely,
there is something very I think I may have just
recently unfollowed her. There is just something inherently watchable about her,
much like that the Lagio lobby where it's you know,
it's just like, Wow, I can't believe someone is just
doing this shit. And truth be told, I do like

(01:19:59):
some of her her opinions sometimes on makeup and things
like that. I like watching her put the stuff on
what have you. But when she went to the TJ
Max in the Hampton's to give out her use makeup,
that for me was that was really a new low
in culture and society. Yeah, and I'm generous. It wasn't
about it's just the fact that it was used. You
want to give them something you're rich, go to fucking

(01:20:20):
stuff for by then gift cards. Don't bring them some
half eaten peppercorn lip oil, right.

Speaker 2 (01:20:25):
I mean like it's it's like Bethany has reached that
point now where it's like broken clock is right twice
a day. Yeah, it's like we can totally appreciate specific
things about her still, but it's like, but I mean like,
like that's not to say that she can't come out
of that phase, because I feel like now I am
personally even though we know what we're getting now with

(01:20:47):
the Zale Banks. It's like I can totally disagree with
her on so many things, but I can. I can
agree with her on other things. And what I love
about New is about Azalea Banks's newest takes on Cowboy card,
which she doesn't like for whatever, for all her reasons
is we've now found out that she is a huge
kt Tunstall fan. She stands Katie Tonstall and real hilarious.

(01:21:10):
It's amazing. I am obsessed. The black Horse in the
Cherry Tree was a movement, not a moment. Suddenly I
see culture number eight not a moment of moment is
daily Banks over here talking about how the melody and
suddenly I see as one of the best pop music
melodies ever.

Speaker 1 (01:21:27):
I'm like, she's not, that's crazy. It's crazy to single
out that song with black Horse and the Cherry Tree
right there, even if that weren't by the same artist.
It's literally it's literally not it's not even better than
Texas Holden's melody. He's right, You're both right.

Speaker 3 (01:21:47):
I love his Zaia Banks because she's one of the
few people now that we don't have poor Wendy Williams
speaking her chee. Yeah, she's one of the only people
that is allowed to be truthful. Does not care about
the rematations of Quane unquote getting canceled or people not
liking her or not getting hired for things. She is
a free spirit and that to me is so admirable
and we need more of that is the truth. We

(01:22:08):
need to be able to allow people to say shit
without having their throat slit totally.

Speaker 2 (01:22:15):
And what she's saying about Tyler the Creator and Lena's
I don't totally disagree with either about how like there
is this trope, there is this trope within like gay
celebrity culture where it is like, oh, you got to
date some like fucking a specific kind of person anyway, that's.

Speaker 1 (01:22:30):
All hmmm, Oh that's interesting. Yeah, I love it. I
think I think the fact is, like, are some of
her opinions like like, even if they seem wild, she
will she will bring out the PowerPoint presentation, you know
what I mean. She never just says anything like this
is why I think this. This is the experience I'm
bringing to this. You it might be wild, you might

(01:22:52):
not agree with it, but this is my experience. And
I think the fact that we are also up in
arms about someone being like no holds Barren in what
they think is kind of actually a problem with us
and not her yes, and she's funny as ship.

Speaker 3 (01:23:06):
Though she is a linguist, the words that she chooses,
the rhymes, the things, the puns. My friend Dave and
I we just DM her ship to each other all
day and like shoot tears of laughter. I think she's
one of the great poets, the best.

Speaker 2 (01:23:21):
She's one of the great poets, genuinely, one of the
best lyricists of her generation. She she has one of
the best burns, roast whatever you want to call it.
Of calling Grimes, of saying that Grimes looks like she
smells like a roll of Nichols. That is the funniest,
the funniest insult that's ever been written ever.

Speaker 1 (01:23:41):
Anyway, She's she's anyway.

Speaker 2 (01:23:44):
And one of our best one of our best minds
is right here with us. It's Michelle Collins.

Speaker 1 (01:23:50):
Round a pause, number three. Boys.

Speaker 3 (01:23:54):
I first of all, thank you so much for having
me back on the show after the.

Speaker 1 (01:24:00):
Lost episode. After the last episode. Yeah, can you imagine
me being so up in arms? But I don't think
twenty Kellor parks, that's how my allegiance to celebrity is
that delete the episode? How dare she? I don't know?

Speaker 3 (01:24:13):
I mean, listen, it was fun, But I just I adore
you both. Nobody makes me laugh like you too, And
I know I hope one of you can come to
one of my damn shows.

Speaker 1 (01:24:21):
You're working so much, all right, I want to come
to In fact, I'm going to be When When are
you in New York? When is that?

Speaker 3 (01:24:28):
The New York show is May sixth, this town Hall
and then LA is April twenty fifth.

Speaker 1 (01:24:33):
Yes, make that May six could happen for me too.
It's within the realm.

Speaker 3 (01:24:39):
This is really don't don't say it if you don't
mean it, So don't say for sure, let me know,
don't buy ticket.

Speaker 1 (01:24:45):
Already said it, Michelle. So what am I supposed to do?
Go back in fucking time? I said it. I I'm
going to try to be there.

Speaker 3 (01:24:50):
Listen, I wanted you on stage, but I'm not going
to put that pressure on you in the audience.

Speaker 1 (01:24:54):
Will come now, I'm like, yeah, look at me, look
at me. If you want to get on stage, we'll talk.
If you can do it, I am I'm gonna try.
I dying to get back to New York sooner, sooner
than we have And I'll pay you. I'll pay you
if you get on that stage. Listen, We'll take all
this business off. Mike boils. That's it, can take the

(01:25:17):
business off. Mike. Leave this sin, leave the sin.

Speaker 3 (01:25:19):
I want to all these boys accountable to the fans.
I love you, but thank you for having me so.

Speaker 1 (01:25:25):
Much, you say Bowen. We end a very episode with
the song.

Speaker 4 (01:25:33):
What song needy you like? What get it changed?

Speaker 1 (01:25:48):
Keys? In the middle of that is it feeling in
your excuse me, this is your ruth and that wasn't
even the right words. But Bowen is Bowen just literally
fucked out of obscurity. I Need You by Leanne Riimes,
which is a Christian song, and we love it and
we love it. Bye Bye,

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