The Wrong Box (1966)
Peter Cook: Morris Finsbury
Photos
Quotes
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Doctor Pratt : Well, it'll cost you five shillings.
Morris Finsbury : Price is no object.
Doctor Pratt : Right. Ten shillings, then. Payable in advance.
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[last lines]
Detective : All right, come on, come on, what's going on? Come on, what is it? Come on!
Clergyman : Please, sir, I beg of you, there's a dead man here.
Detective : All right, no one move!
[long pause while he realizes it's a church burial]
Detective : Finsbury?
Michael Finsbury , Julia Finsbury , Masterman Finsbury , Joseph Finsbury , Morris , John Finsbury : Yes?
Detective : MORRIS Finsbury!
John Finsbury : [turning Morris around and pointing at him] Yes.
Detective : Morris Finsbury, I arrest you for stealing £100,000.
Lawyer Patience : But the money has been returned, sir.
Detective : Who are you, sir? Some sort of accomplice?
Lawyer Patience : Certainly not: I am his solicitor.
Detective : Oh, you've brought your solicitor with you, have you? Yes, I've met your type before.
Lawyer Patience : No, no, no. I mean, I, I, I'm the administrator of the tontine.
Detective : Tontine?
Joseph Finsbury : Named after Lorenzo Tonti, a Neapolitan banker.
Detective : And who are you, sir?
Joseph Finsbury : I...
Masterman Finsbury : [interrupting] He's nobody. He's my young brother.
Detective : And who are you, sir?
Masterman Finsbury : None of your business, sir!
Detective : I shall have you arrested for indecent exposure!
Julia Finsbury : Oh!
Michael Finsbury : My grandfather was recently buried, sir.
Detective : And who are you, sir?
Julia Finsbury : He is Michael Finsbury.
Detective : And who are YOU, madam?
Michael Finsbury : She is Julia Finsbury, shortly to become... Julia Finsbury!
Detective : Young man, did you know there was a body in the piano?
Peacock : I did it.
Detective : Who is he?
Michael Finsbury : He is the butler, sir.
Detective : The butler did it?
Michael Finsbury : No, sir. I put the body there.
Detective : Is this true?
Michael Finsbury : Yes sir.
Detective : In that case, you are entitled to a reward of £1,000. You are responsible for bringing the Bournemouth Strangler to his just end.
Michael Finsbury : A, a thousand pounds? Oh, but I-I-I don't, I don't deserve it. The body just arrived in a barrel.
John Finsbury : I sent it.
Detective : And who are you, sir?
Morris Finsbury : He is of diminished responsibility, officer. It was all my doing. If there's any justice in this naughty world, the reward is mine.
Detective : And WHO are YOU?
[falls into open grave]
Morris Finsbury : You remember me - Morris Finsbury. I was falsely accused of stealing a hundred thousand pounds, whereas in fact it was me, and me alone, who was responsible for bringing the Bournemouth Strangler to his just desserts.
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Morris Finsbury : I was wondering - do you by any chance happen to have any - uh - death certificates?
Doctor Pratt : Do I happen to have any death certificates? What a monstrous thing, sir - what a monstrous thing to say to a member of the medical profession! Do you realize the enormity of what you have just said?
Morris Finsbury : Yes. Do you have any death certificates?
Doctor Pratt : How many do you want?
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Morris Finsbury : Dr. Pratt? Are you Dr. Pratt?
Doctor Pratt : Are you from the police?
Morris Finsbury : No.
Doctor Pratt : Well, I am Dr. Pratt.
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Morris Finsbury : Dr. Pratt
Doctor Pratt : Come in.
Morris Finsbury : I was here earlier. You asked me to return.
Doctor Pratt : Oh, yes, yes. I've got what you want. Here... black currant jelly. It contains 12 grains of arsenic. Just spread it on your mother's bread and butter.
Morris Finsbury : Doctor, I wanted a death certificate.
Doctor Pratt : Oh, you've done her in already, have you?
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Morris Finsbury : I collect eggs, doctor.
Doctor Pratt : Yes, I enjoy an egg myself. They don't make good pets though. You can never get them in at night. They're too quiet.
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Morris Finsbury : Now what we need is a venal doctor.
John Finsbury : But - Uncle Joseph's dead! It's too late!
Morris Finsbury : Not for him, for us! Now, you remember that chambermaid you got into... um...
John Finsbury : ...thing.
Morris Finsbury : Thing. Who was the doctor who did the, um...
John Finsbury : ...thing. Uh, Pratt, Dr. Pratt.
Morris Finsbury : Was he venal?
John Finsbury : I - I didn't like to ask.
Morris Finsbury : Well, did he do the...
John Finsbury : ...thing. Yes.
Morris Finsbury : Good.
John Finsbury : But... what's he got to do with it?
Morris Finsbury : He's part of the plan. Now you and I are the only two people in the world who *know* that Uncle Joseph is, uh...
John Finsbury : ...thing.
Morris Finsbury : ...dead.
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John Finsbury : Morris! Do you realize it's a criminal offense to wear that coat?
Morris : I'm not wearing any *trousers*!
John Finsbury : ...but that too is a criminal offense!
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Doctor Pratt : Now then, take off your clothes and cough.
Morris Finsbury : Doctor, it's not me.
Doctor Pratt : It's certainly not me, sir. It's probably one of my cats.
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Morris Finsbury : Dr. Pratt. Rouse yourself, Dr. Pratt.
Doctor Pratt : What... I tell you, the lady was already dead when I arrived, constable.
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Morris Finsbury : I know you are a medical student, cousin, so I need hardly remind you that blood is thicker than water.
Michael Finsbury : Yes. Five times as, I believe.
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Morris Finsbury : You realise you made me drop my grebe?