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Reviews
Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F (2024)
Another BHC movie that ticks all the boxes
This is another Beverley Hills Cop movie that ticks all the boxes but fails to ignite any sense of excitement or awe.
Everyone just puts on a brave face and takes the paycheque in this fourth instalment.
There are few good scenes. The street shootout is good but lifted from Sicario. The finale is generally well handled. And seeing old characters like Serge lift the spirits, but little else.
The first is definitely the best, the second is ok and least said about BHC3 the better. This outing seems to slot in just behind BHC 2. An adequate yer uninspired version. Perfect for Netflix. Kids can watch whilst flicking tirelessly on their phones.
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
Another solid edition to the Planet of the Apes franchise
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is another decent movie in a series of already decent movies.
In every one of the Planet of the Apes movies we have good CGI, good stories, really good cinematography and they are all well directed.
Yes, they do have some plot issues. How did the girl know how to load and fire a gun? Etc. But generally they are well done.
In this, Caesar is dead, Noah is the new young buck who wants to prove himself. A standard hero journey.
It feels very much like an Avatar based movie with its 'nature will conquer man' style messages but nevertheless it still works.
If you like the others, go see this.
Brooklyn 45 (2023)
A one act, one scene horror play that eventually fall flat
Like so many modern movies these days, it starts with a decent plot, decides to take a strange plot pivot and then hurtles down that new pivot until it hits a cul-de-sac.
A group of friends are gathered together one night shortly after World War 2 and decide to hold a seance in order to speak to the wife of the host. The rest from here is spooky enough but never convincing. Characters start to make stupid decisions for no good reason and new facets of their personality are revealed for for no good reason.
The finale is plainly ridiculous and the ending makes no sense at all.
Quite a disappointment is Brooklyn 45. Best avoided.
Seize Them! (2024)
Who is this for? Humour fit for kids but lots of swearing?
If you are British you will understand 'Horrible Histories' made by the BBC that educates children on world history. When it started it was funny, irreverent and informative. These days it has become insufferable catering to 'modern audiences' in terms of casting, theme and content.
I mention this because this film is starring some of those cast members and has the same production values and the same sense of humour, which makes no sense.
The film is cursed with boss babes, cowardly men, predictable humour and much childish nonsenses. So why throw in lots of violence and swearing? Do millennials really have the expectations of seven year olds in modern moviemaking? It would seem so.
Depp V Heard (2023)
Quite a dishonest retelling of of a story that we all saw unfold in real time
The problem with this documentary is that it assumes that we, including the jury, were all affected by social media during the trial of Johnny Depp and his abuser Amber Heard.
For sure, we all watched the live feed of the trial during covid, but there is no evidence that the jury did.
What we saw was a tissue of lies disappear day by day as Amber turned out to be the new Jussie Smollett.
The whole trial seemed to bring the whole Metoo movement to a grinding halt as people stopped believing the nonsense of believe her and started to look at the evidence before deciding on serious charges.
Best avoided.
Anyone But You (2023)
A poor attempt at a rom com genre revival
This should have been so much better. However, there are so many plot points that are contrived and on the whole it is so badly written that by a half hour in, I simply didn't care about the outcome.
Firstly the leading male character male may well have been originally written as a woman. Even though he is 'ripped' he cannot swim and he doesn't like heights or flying or having 'six' with women.
The lesbian wedding was typical for modern movies. A dud.
The Aussie setting was pointless, did it need to be set down under.
Everyone was beach body ready. No real or convincing actors in the film lead to no real empathy or feeling throughout.
Dogman (2023)
How come I never heard of this when released? A joy from Besson.
A movie about committing crime, torch songs and Luc Bessons signature shootouts........brilliant.
And the brilliant Caleb Landry Jones as Douglas is in the form and role of his life should win an Oscar for this portrayal of a seriously disturbed character.
The film is superbly written with great direction and editing and, like Leon, leaves a little tear in the end. I have never seen such a unique movie in terms of plot, character and action. This really is a combination of the aforementioned Leon, Priscilla Queen of the Desert and Lassie Come Home. I have said enough now, just go and see it.
The House of Violent Desire (2018)
Save yourselves 2 hours of hell and watch something else.
You will have to see a lot of movies before you see one that is as badly acted as this one. All of the cast, and I do mean every last one of them are comedically bad and laughably awful. I don't entirely think it is all their fault. That is because the script is the worst since cavemen drew on walls.
The film is a basic haunted house horror romp that, to be fair to it, has some decently scary scenes that never pay off because of what laughable nonsense follows it.
It is difficult to know whether or not the production is hamstrung by the lack of money or the lack of talent. I am going to go out on a limb and say it is both. Avoid.
Sleeping Dogs (2024)
It's a decent, whodunnit murder mystery and worth a watch
Sleeping Dogs is a perfectly decent little murder mystery that clips along at a nice pace and slowly peels away its onion layers to reveal its dark centre.
The acting Is pretty good, Crowe is perfectly cast, Gillan is good enough and the rest of the cast are convincing. The writer/ director is competently done and the film is well made with good production values and nice touches in the flashbacks.
There are movies that it draws from, Momento for the memory loss and every film noir ever.
All this being said, there is nothing about Sleeping Dogs that is fantastic or groundbreaking. It is however good, honest old fashioned film making. More like this please.
The Creator (2023)
Looks great but struggles to join the dots in the plot
Very interesting and ambitious story about AI (yawn) that holds the attention for the first hour but then starts to fall down in the last hour due to a poor narrative and a story that deviates from from its own world building.
I like all of Edward's' movies, therefore this will be biased.
I cannot help but feel that somewhere a 3 or four hour version of the movie exists.
There are so many plaudits to give about this movie like how it looks great and how did they make this for eighty million when most Marvel tripe costs a minimum of $250 million.
Just a shame that the last hour feels like they are trying to get a quart into a pint with a bunch a poorly fleshed out ideas.
Still, I would recommend.
Arcadian (2024)
Instead of The Quiet Place this should be called the Light Place meets Tremors
Instead of being quiet, we have to live in the light because these 'monsters' only come out at night.
The plot hits all the beats of The Quiet Place, - the story starts after the apocalypse, an isolated family on a farm, one of the family is headstrong and a liability, and whilst I don't want to make any spoilers, consider the sacrifice made in that film and then ending of this.
It's a low budget, fairly well directed, poorly lit considering all the action happens at night. The acting is OK, nothing special.
The biggest problem with Arcadian is that it contains no surprises, just cliches from other, better films. It's ok, fine, acceptable but nothing more.
Gojira -1.0 (2023)
Good movies like this are becoming a rarity
Surely it shouldn't be that difficult. Surely it should simply be a case of choose a plot, give it some backstory, inject some characters with definite aspects to their being both positive and negative, give these characters some motivation that the audience will understand and empathise with and follow these building blocks to a logical conclusion that doesn't confuse said audience.
GM1 does this and it only cost 15 million to make. Compare that to the recent Marvels or Indiana Jones movie that cost twenty times that amount and it makes the achievement of the movie all the more amazing.
Yes, the CGI isn't the greatest but who cares, it is good enough for the story that they are trying to tell.
Highly recommended.
Road Wars: Max Fury (2024)
Apocalyptic LARPing with boss babes on a budget
It's terrible. It's cheap. It's badly written. It's atrociously acted. It was was probably filmed in an afternoon.....in a desert......with an iPhone.
So it should deserve a 1 for being terrible, however, it does have the great Vernon Wells in it!! You know, Him from the MadMax 2 movie, the one with the Mohawk and the assless chaps."....ok maybe not that great.
I couldn't give this a 1 simply because, well, at least they tried. It can't be easy making a movie on a budget like this.
Actually, I just decided to give it another mark because at least music matched scenes and they were edited fairly competently. So there, a 3..... god save me.
I Used to Be Funny (2023)
Interestingly structured but draining and ultimately a chore to get through
IUTBF is a tough movie to love. I guess you would have to live in the disillusioned LA Gen Z bubble to understand any of the characters or their motivations. Cinema is best defined as an empathy creating machine but this movie made me feel nothing.
The issue is mostly the awkward, stilted conversations in the screenplay. The opaque plot doesn't help. The flashback scenes provide some drama but also make the whole film seem like a Greek tragedy.
The direction is actually fairly effective, the acting, however, is not. Some of the characters will be grating to a 'normal' audience. Hence the need for the bubble.
I never thought that a movie about a stand up comic could be so laugh free.
The Mistress (2022)
A mixed bag of ideas and execution, some good some terrible.
The basic story of the movie is really good, couple move into haunted house.....he has had a stalker.....overbearing neighbour.......troubled writer, etc, etc.
John Magaro is excellent as the writer, the interplay between the dreams and real life is good enough and the direction leans heavily on Hitchcock, Giallo and, at times, Kubrick for inspiration.
However the issues come with the execution. The wife of our 'protagonist' is terrible. Absolutely no chemistry with her husband (she may get on well with the furniture as she is that wooden). Several scenes seem to have been created without consideration to the rest of the movie. The wife is angry one minute and cheerful the next, the angry neighbour is angry, errrr.......because? And the pacing is so off it feels like a waltz.....slow, slow, quick quick slow.
The Follower (2017)
A decent stab at a horror but hamstrung by budget
The set up is quite good. YouTuber films a haunted house type of thing.
However, the writing is a problem. The main female character is either badly acted or written or both. Kind and apologetic one minute whilst being angry and psychotic the next.
The structure of the movie is decent enough but there are several contrived parts to the story such as, we never find out what is in grandma's room and the ending gets air dropped from out of nowhere.
With more time and money and more structure to the plot this could hav3 been something. Unfortunately, it mostly comes across as a hobby movie for film graduates.
Greta (2018)
Huppert is wonderful but the rest descends into silliness
I have So many questions after watching this thriller that starts brightly but then becomes silly.
As said, Huppert is fantastic as the deranged, manipulative stalker. Moretz is unconvincing as the protagonist. It is generally well made with decent production values.
However, like I said, I have questions. Why did the police not act? How did the father find out? How did everyone get hold of Rohypnol so easily? Why not use a gun? Why keep Moretz in a room near the front door when a basement is available?......like I said, silly.
Far too many convenices and contrivances in the plot but with regard to Huppert, class is class.
I Saw the TV Glow (2024)
This is what American film making has become
Most people will detest this for the nonsensical plot, the glacial pace, the 'modern' messages or the bizarre casting choices. I just detest this for all four.
The direction is not that bad, it does have a little 'style' to it. It's just that the pace kills any momentum in any dramatic scene.
Justice Smith is 28 years old. In this we are led to believe he is in 9th grade. As if. Between fifteen and sixteen years old. He wanders though this film mumbling and stumbling through his lines having the acting range of a dead halibut.
Unfortunately there is far too much of the navel gazing, self insert, 'O woe is me' type of film making. It might be great for mopey teenagers at Sundance but says nothing to the rest of the world but then, it was never meant to.
The Idea of You (2024)
Anne Hathaway shines in Hallmark type movie
It's always nice to see Anne Hathaway in anything but this is very mediocre fan fiction at best. It really reminded me of Notting Hill or that awful J-Lo and Owen Wilson movie a Few years back.
Nothing is especially bad, it's just that it tries very hard to be inoffensive and be kind to all the characters. Unfortunately, it also makes them a bit boring. I think some humour wouldn't have gone amiss.
I can't really believe that Hathaways character would have been single, or the pop star guy for that matter. Did he have a fetish for cougars?
I didn't find the breakup's believable. I can't believe that everyone was so naive.
Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)
A very mid sequel hampered by lack of budget and talent
It's still watchable because it's a creepy Silent Hill movie, but compared to the first one, it's very meh.
The story isn't as good, the acting isn't as good and the fact that it was shot for a 3D cinema release doesn't help.
There are still some good, creepy scenes but overall, fairgrounds are not particularly scary.
Nice to see Sean Bean in this and a young Jon Snow. They will meet up in a years time to do Game of Thrones and Sean Bean will loose the terrible American accent he does.
Carrie Ann Moss really falls from grace. A fall that continues with the last Matrix movie and the appalling Acolyte.
Silent Hill (2006)
Makes almost no sense but really creepy.
There are so many fanatastic set pieces in this wonderful horror film by Christophe Gans.
Wallow in the brilliance of the design of the movie, the creepy atmosphere, the unique monsters and the predicaments that that our protagonist finds herself in.
Consider the terrifying beauty of pyramid head and the elevator scene. The sound of the horn and what transpires in the school with barb wire guy. And the awful, creepy cult that burn people at the stake. Not too mention the bling psycho nurses.
I have never played the game, maybe it explains it all a little better but to me, I doesn't matter.
Well worth a watch.
The Primevals (2023)
Weird. A new movie from a director that died 25 years ago.
A movie that is brand new and yet very dated.
I loved watching the original Jason and the Argonauts as a kid and this took me back in a good way to the stop motion genius of Ray Harryhausen.
It has be said that this is not of that quality. The plot is quite silly. The acting is generally weak from (apart from Judith Mills) a bunch of nobodies.
That being said, the film is rather light hearted, good natured and zips along without outstaying its welcome.
The film is worth seeing if only for the story attached to the making of it. Check out the trivia section.
Nice to see a movie that wasn't created for modern audiences again.
Wild Eyed and Wicked (2023)
Silly, boring and confusing
A very strange film for sure. How would I describe it?
Part ghost story, part LBGTQIA story, part dungeons and dragons. I think that's got the main points down.
None of it made any sense. There were some good scenes at least. Those were the creepy ones. The lesbian relationship bit had no bearing on the rest of the story.
The main character was horribly written being the most unsympathetic protagonist I have ever seen in a motion picture. She is bratty, spoilt, ungrateful and generally unhappy with everyone.
Thankfully it's a tiny budget, so at least it won't be disappointing its bank manager too much. In short, avoid.
Maelström (2000)
A fledgling Villenueve gives us A strange film told in a unique way.
How do you describe this? How do you review it?
The acting, direction, plot and cinematography are all top notch. Villenueve gives us glimpses of what he will become in movies such as Dune, Prisoners and Arrival.
Is it a bit arthouse? Possibly. Is it quirky? Definitely.
The story is one of a self obsessed woman who ploughs through life with no thought for anyone but herself. The consequences of her actions never really come back to haunt her.
The graphic depiction of an abortion in the opening scenes is particularly gruelling, the failed shop, the drunken nights, the drunken driving, etc etc.
The fish are strange but add to the strange tone the film takes.
The Legend of Tarzan (2016)
Rollicking good romp let down by overuse of the CGI
In truth this is somewhere between a five and a six.
Stars hard is pretty good as the titular character, Margot Robbie is, well, Margot Robbie and Samuel L Jackson is badly cast for the first time in his career.
The story combines flashbacks to an origin story which work quite well and a kidnap and chase story which is ok, I guess.
My biggest problem is the awful overuse of CGI. Everything looks fake and I never feel any real peril for out protagonists. Don't get me wrong, I understand that without CGI, making a movie like this would have been impossible.
But here's the thing. How come I watch Jurassic Park now, thirty years after it came out and am still amazed at the quality of the effects and how they make me feel?