My baby boy is almost two. He’s great. But he doesn’t sleep. I could probably count on the two hands the number of times he’s slept through the night.
‘Oh, once he starts on the bottle, he’ll be out for the count,’ one friend told me. ‘Don’t worry, it’s a phase,’ another said. Rubbish.
The point I’m trying to make is that I’m tired. Oh so very tired. My commitment to fitness has waned. And now, after months of inactivity, my son has decided to drop a mini shitstorm on to my lap. He wants to go swimming – so I’ve got to take my clothes off and show my nipples to other people. Now, this would never have been a problem before. I’ve always been quite proud of my body. Okay, I’ve never been what you’d call ‘ripped’, but I’ve always been slim. I’d never given a second thought to taking my top off.
But times have changed. My stomach now has a slight wobble to it, my arms have been reduced to wooden spoons and my chest is struggling to fill out an extra-small men’s compression T-shirt. Simply put, I look like Mr Bean, and I don’t like it. What’s more, the thought of having the worst body among all the other dads at the ‘little swimmers’ group is starting to make me feel anxious.
None of this should matter. A swimming pool in Surrey is hardly O Beach Ibiza, although the entry cost is probably similar. But, to me, how I look is still important. So why am I made to feel like I’m doing something wrong when I tell people I’m exercising to simply look better? Have times changed that much since I’ve become a dad?
Take social media, for example. According to one PT I follow on Instagram, I must give up on what my body looks like and instead focus on what it can do, be proud of what it can’t do and build a body for life, not just for summer.
And my paranoia isn’t running away with me. Attitudes among gym-goers have changed, as more people focus on improving health and strength over appearance, one study found*. These are noble goals, undeniably, which I’ll probably adopt once the swimming classes are over. But for now, I’m working out because I feel too self-conscious when I take my top off. Yes, the problem is mine, and I doubt anyone cares what I look like. But I do. I want arms that pop when I pick my boy up. That a stronger torso will help propel me through the water is an easy bonus.
So, to whoever is reading this: if you want that coveted V-shape and a pair of boulder shoulders, good on you. Don’t feel bad that your goals aren’t trending. Tell the world. Because you can be sure of one thing – your colleague will certainly tell you when they’ve just finished their Hyrox event.
Robert Hicks is the multiplatform director at Men’s Health UK. A Sport Science graduate and author of three fitness books published by Bloomsbury, Robert has written numerous articles on health, fitness and nutrition and created several documentaries, most notably Britain’s Steroid Epidemic and The Faces of Attempted Suicide. Robert has been working at Men's Health UK for seven years.
